The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Postgame Show: Who's Your Tío?

Episode Date: September 23, 2024

College Football's Beefy Five Layer Burrito saga. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. See kraken.com slash legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. No, it wasn't the Dave Navarro thing. It's this guy promising to shove a five-layer burrito up his ass. All right. We might as well do that.

This just happened during the Jay Glazer segment because Jay Glazer said something about something being up his ass and I whispered to Mike in the talk back, I'm like, Mike, didn't you have a story you were dying to get to about somebody trying to put a five-layer burrito up their ass? And you know what his response to me was? That's a college football story. Dan, I can't put that here. That's not a professional football story. So here it is. Here's the space for you to get to the story now that we're in a pro football free zone and we're in college football land. I need all the details, please.

Alright, so I'll give them to you. We've seen Big 12 After Dark try to replace Pac-12 After Dark, and it was electric. We got the Baylor, Colorado, Hail Mary situation. By the way, Miami's going to be playing 10 30 PM Eastern at Cal in two weeks. So Miami gets to help fill the void of Pac-12 After Dark. But one of the late night games was Kansas State going to Provo.

You don't do that. Just don't go a Provo going in a Provo on Saturday night and getting blown out before that game though this is really in in I guess in vogue. Can they put up on the screen again Parker Kingston and that that return of a punt because it is the best play in college football this year and I know it's not as good as the burrito up the butt, but continue. This was Devin Hester like this return, only if Devin Hester was a really tiny white guy

in front of a bunch of Mormons. It's totally insane. It's about as far as you can run on a football field geographically. He covered basically almost all of the yardage except his own end zone. So like the still from BYU's official social media accounts was that picture with his arms out outstretched in the end zone with a sub headline, live moss.

And if you didn't have the contacts, why are we doing a Taco Bell tagline? It's because a fan of K-State football tweeted out before the game, if K-State loses to BYU, I'll shove a beefy five-layer burrito up my ass. So he promised that, but we've seen this now from football fans everywhere. I promised to eat some toilet paper if FSU beat LSU. I held up my end of the bargain. Took you a long time, but you did do it.

Took me a couple of months, but I finally got around to it. The person who said they were gonna eat dog shit if they lost a bet, then lost the bet and didn't eat the dog shit. And now, do we know the five layers in a burrito? Do you guys, do you think that together? It's the same five ingredients generally

in all their products, just packaged differently. I would imagine beef, cheese, sour cream. Lettuce is not one of the layers. Sour cream, no? Beans, there you go. Beans. That's four, sour cream. Lettuce is not one of the layers. Sour cream, sour cream? Beans. That's four right there. And rice. So at St. Bill Snyder could do the thing that's trendy,

which is just do this for social media clout and then walk away from it. But he's not. Do it. Give you the TikTok video of him doing this with a five layer burrito, which is a, it's very aggressive. Yeah.

So he was live tweeting as the game was happening, understanding how cooked he was by the entire experience. He picked up a burrito threatening to do it a day ago, but now the most recent video is this man who is protecting his identity. He is wearing a Taco Bell bag over his face and he is is announced Saturday, 9.28 at 9.30 PM. No, no, no, no, nobody wants to actually see this. He will pay the bet. No, nobody wants to see this.

You know, I'm glad you mentioned that because I'm with you. I don't actually want to see it, but I do want to see all the pomp and circumstance that leads us all the way up into the point of insertion. Well, who's your Tio? Can you imagine sitting there watching that punt return after you have said that you're going to make this bet publicly and you're already down 24 to 6?

And then that punt return is what you see. And the consequence is really all five layers. I'm on the hook on the Internet for all five layers of this. Now, let's talk strategy, because I think we're all familiar with how a five layer burrito comes out of there. But how does it go in? And he teased some of his strategy, tipped his hand a little bit.

I think he's gonna freeze the burrito. Oh God, that's the worst option. These things are malleable. They might be thick, but if I really push this thing out, I can draw this thing out. I could have a long, thin burrito in about 10 minutes. I'm not saying I'm doing it, I'm saying for this guy. Here's your mistake.

Frozen? This is a beefy five layer burrito. Maybe you can play that game with a two layer burrito. Dude, have you seen the beef at Taco Bell? I mean, that's mushing up. Look at this thing that is on his table. Roy. That he has promised to Keeser.

It's a big five-layer burrito. Roy, Roy. Nobody wants to see this. I understand none of us want to see it, but we want to see if he does it. The buildup to it. It's a girthy burrito Mike just showed me, but like I said, you can adjust this thing. It's like a piece of dough, I can stretch it out, all of a sudden it's thinner.

You cannot stretch all five layers into something that feels like a bread pretzel that, you know. Here's what I want. I want, for once, because I know what this is gonna turn into, and I hope you're watching, St. Bill Snyder, I really hope you do, because so far you've handled this the right way. You're doing this on Saturday.

This is a whole lot of time for an advertiser to get in there and make this something silly and try to change this, and ultimately it ends with you not shoving this burrito up your ass, and that can't be. You have to shove this burrito up your ass because you made a promise. You took a vow. You don't have any advertiser lining up to sponsor this exact execution.

You know, everyone here kinda, yeah, no, it's funny to talk about, but this guy's not actually gonna shove this beefy five-layer burrito up his ass. Can we stop doing this? What if it's actually Bill Snyder? No moss. What he has to do,

he has to do just for this thing. It'll kill him. It'll kill Bill Snyder. What this thing, this thing is bigger than all of us is what I'm trying to say. Because right now we're all having fun with members of the opposing fan base putting out there, if this team loses I'll do this.

But it only stays funny if you get the occasional payoff. But I don't think anyone wants this payoff. What is the payoff, exactly? He's got to shove a beefy five-layer burrito up his ass. Yeah, but it doesn't just end there, right? Well, we'll see. Maybe it can. I think there's consequences after the fact.

Well, I think, well, I'm not going to stick around for the consequences. Again, I just want up until the moment of insertion, and then someone let me know if he did it or not. But he needs to do it. You need a notary though to make sure that, like you don't wanna see it, but you need it notarized. You don't get the social media clout without the payoff.

That's what happened to the dog shit FSU guy. And he's still around on Twitter tweeting and all that stuff. No, no, no, no, how are you still allowed here? These should be canceled. You need to be shamed. So for all this stuff to still matter. For Pac 12 football after dark to matter and become Big 12

football. For fan bases to still have passion about a sport in college that is now better than the pros. College football is just your Saturdays are more enjoyable than your Sundays. For it to stay that way, this dude needs to shove this beefy five layer burrito up his butt This is not it needs yes. It has to happen. It has to happen That's not what's gonna make we need integrity football proof certified better than pro football I know it won't help it if he if he just decides to not do this The irony is is that on Saturday night around 2 a.m. I had one of those burritos coming out of my ass

Is that the irony? I don't think you know what irony is also. Why did your voice? Did you just kee-sir a five layer burrito because you haven't been eating? What happened there? How do you not hear it yourself? How do you not hear it and go... Listening audience a lot has changed over our 20 years together. One thing that hasn't, the great taste of Miller Lite. Yeah. I think we're all saying the same thing. The only beer worth talking about is Miller Lite.

Yeah. Although, but here, just so we're clear, this is a Miller Lite show. I know it is. And, uh, hey Roy, out of curiosity, when you were winning your barbecue competition, I'm sure debate sprouted everywhere. But one thing that's not up for debate, the undebatable quality of Miller Lite. You tell them.

Oh, it's low as low, by the way. Over the last couple of years, you know? One thing that hasn't changed, great taste of Miller Lite. And another thing that hasn't changed, less filling. Only 96 calories per 12 ounce. You know, they sparked this debate way back in the 1970s. The original light beer. You don't have to choose what's best.

Miller Lite has great taste and is less filling. Tastes like Miller time. To get Miller Lite delivered right to your door, visit MillerLite.com slash stand, or you can find it pretty much anywhere that sells beer. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories per 12 ounces.

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