The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - PTFO EXCLUSIVE: Is Troy Aikman the White Jay-Z? Does LeBron Use Gmail? And More of Your Burning Curiosities, Solved

Episode Date: October 3, 2023

In the inaugural edition of our non-mailbag mailbag, Pablo answers audience voicemails with the truth about his TV doppelgänger, Stugotz's bong hits, A-Rod's centaur, Stanford's mascot, poisoned Miami Heat fans, and one of the greatest sports tweets of all time. Are you looking for answers? Call (513) 85-PABLO Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Pablo Tore finds out I am Pablo Tore and today we're gonna find out what this sound is You did ask me to comment on one of my favorite favorite topics actually my favorite topic Gancho Right after this ad You're listening to Giraffe King's Network I'm uniquely excited for what we're about to do here. Yes, same. So we have existed here, a public Tory finds out Cortez for a month now.

We f***in did it. All the haters, bro. Are many haters and losers who have said that we could not possibly keep finding out stuff. That's right. Eat it. Eat it, bro. We found out that you have to eat it. I would not like to eat it. The haters can eat it.

Yeah, the way you directed that to me. That's kind of like what I'm telling you. I made for the podcast audience. I was directing it at you. If you are, in fact, a loser and a hater. And a hater. But I am mindful of said haters and losers, I wish there are many, not that many actually.

So disturbingly popular this show. I'm mindful of what we're doing with this episode because I am concerned that because we're doing, it's not a mail bag, I'm very clear. What we're doing here is not a mail bag, but I'm concerned because we're about to take and play voice mails here, that people think that we have found out

that we can't keep finding out stuff and now we're officially just using our beautiful winning listeners as a crutch. Pablo, what you describe sounds to me like a mail bag. Like a mail bag. Like, but what are you describe? It sounds like a mail bag. Like, I mean, not a mailbag. But what are you describe? It sounds like a mailbag. It is a voice mail bag. Five, well, in three, eight, five, Pablo, look, the background's different on today's

show. And in fact, we've been, how many have we gotten so far, Cortez? Dude, I've sifted through so many, like all of the hundreds of voicemails, which thank you to everybody. Yes, we greatly appreciate the care and passion. Hundreds, though, to answer your question, just so many of them and it's been a lot. So I appreciate it.

I think we're up to like 300 almost three. And counting and counting. Please keep calling. Five one, three, eight, five, Pablo. But I just want to explain how this is working, right? For us, as a show, like the way it's working is we have access to all of these voicemails and in the early setup to just like figuring out how are we gonna actually pick which ones to answer and investigate. Our staff noticed that the

second voicemail ever left was this one. Hey Pablo first time long time. I just wanted to know if you had any thoughts on the Miami heat and Jimmy Butler and Damien Lillard. Just curious. Thank you. This is not a joke. This was actually what you did. Me? Ryan Cortez. This is sad. We did it at least sad. You left this in the time it took for this episode to be produced your world as Miami Heat Minister of Propaganda fell completely apart. That person that left that voicemail was a different person than the person you're speaking to.

Adrian Warchanowski is the man behind the news. Damien Lillard from Portland to Milwaukee. Breaking news on this NFL Sunday in the NBA. The Celtics have acquired Drew Holiday in a trade with the trailblazers. And in fact, we left word with a different person. Who? Well, gone. We should play the voicemail they left in response to the voicemail that I just played, which I shared.

Let me hit it. Let me hear it. Bob Lo, it's Mike Shore. I'm listening to the Levitard folks talk about Amleleard and Head and Pat Riley and the NBA and a bunch of computers you're hearing. And I'm wondering if you could find something out for me. You know how there is like that cat bacteria that affects the human brain? I think it's called toxopusmosis or something. It's like a bacterial infection caused by cats and it gets into people's brains and causes

them to have like extreme and very bizarre reactions to things. Can you find out for me whether there isn't a similar situation going on in the city of Miami or the Miami big county area related to the Miami in other words is there something leading out of the hero organization that causes its fans to behave in a way that a person might behave as infected with a bacteria from a cat. That's what I'd like you to find out for me and I can't wait to hear the episode. I hate him. I hate him. that like you to sign off me and I can't wait to hear the episode.

I hate him. I hate him. Response. First of all, I'm very pro riders in the strike, but I will say seeing Mike Sure on the sideline made me like just pause for a second. I made you root for, well, no, no, I'm still a pro rider, but I'm just saying, just seeing his face upset me so much that I just took a pause. Am I sure that I'm on the right side of this? My response to Mike Sure, go to hell. He needs an editor that's a long voicemail way too long. Wow.

The editor is on, editor strike clearly is ongoing is what you're telling him. It's not unlike his show is like it's not as funny as he thinks it is and is long winded and it's a fad on it. That said though, how are you feeling because you're not wearing your usual Miami Heat propaganda all over your body? I've noticed. The thing that I feel hardest that is the most unlike the Heat propaganda stuff is that Jimmy Butler's done far more for Pat Riley than Pat Riley's done for Jimmy Butler. That's

what it is. And when the best thing you've given him is like undrafted players that suppose developed, that's not good enough. Like, you need to go figure out a way to get Bradley Beale and eat the money or give up an extra piece and go get it. In the Lillard case, it seems like it was in Riley's fault. It seems like Joe Cronin was a f**khole or had the behavior of that.

The guy running the blazers. The GM of the blazers, Joe Cronin, but I don't think that was Riley's fault, but Riley's not absolved in general from the Jimmy Butler era not doing enough for him. So you have landed, just to be very clear about this, you've landed atop the therapy couch of being disappointed in Pat Riley for failing Jimmy Butler specifically, like the whole magic of Pat

Riley, guy who would turn, turn a pillowcase full of rings upside down on a table and get whoever he wanted in the NBA. You're saying, you're saying Jimmy Butler should demand a trade is what I'm hearing from you. Go to hell. Jimmy Butler deserves better, but it's not as simple as that, right? It's not just Pat Riley's washed. It's a larger thing that's gonna piss off David Samson.

Like Mickey Erison is to blame here for being cheap. This is a play thing. I don't care that David Samson would tell you it's a business. Go spend the money, go eat it, and get me Bradley Beale. You could have had him for cheap. You could have kept Tyler Hero and had Bradley Beale. That's a title contender right there. Like, that's a team that anybody's afraid of.

They're afraid of them without those guys. So I blame Mickey Erison as much as Pat Riley. So you're blaming the owner of the Heat Mickey Erison. You're saying, I'm just to translate all of this, what you're saying is that the people who have the cat bacteria in their brains are Mickey Erison and Pat Riley. And not Jimmy Butler and not Duncan Rob and Senator Eric

Spolstrom, not Tyler Hero. By the way, the media and the fans reaction to Tyler Hero is prejudice against a white player. I'll say it. We need to get out of this topic. What is our next voice about? Hey Pablo, Matt Dog dropped his dose on live television, half a gummy.

Can you find out? He has been in your colleagues as possible what their THC routine is before they watch for it? Thank you. Yeah, so obviously I investigated this question. I think here's a quote from one of those colleagues that I'll please.

Keep anonymous. Quote, I was high as f***ing when Demar Hamlin almost died and that f***ing me up really badly. Oh my god. I like to get high and watch baseball, but not football. Cannot watch UFC high, it's too much. Olympic sports are a blast when you're high.

Hockey slash basketball, neutral on. I could smoke, I could also not. Soccer is even prettier when I'm high. End quote. Bob Bryan is wild. That's why he's always tweeting out the letter Q. That's right. That's right.

That's cute. That was Katie Nolan. Yeah. Good. I just totally betray her. But hilarious. But here's another friend that I want to put on the record here. Hey, Pablo, Stu Got put on the record here. out. I appreciate it and while you're at it, figure out when the f*** I'm gonna get a raise. I mean, seriously. You did ask me to comment on one of my favorite

favorite topics. Actually, my favorite topic. Gotcha. Oh, right my wheelhouse. A listener of yours asked for the THC cannabis consumption habits for people on hour staff for sporting events. Here's what I could tell you. If it's a weeknight event, it's a 9 o'clock start or 8 o'clock start. I usually take a gummy 90 minutes before the start of the game and then right at the start of the game just to make the gummy land perfectly. I follow it up, right at the start of the game, just to make the gummy land perfectly, I follow it up, right at tip off with a bomb hit. And then everything kicks in at once.

On Sundays when I'm watching the NFL, no gummies, I just rip bomb hits from the second the one o'clock game start until the second the Sunday night game is over. Okay. Also, all tracks. It's on brand. I mean, I love him so much. start and tell us second the Sunday night game is over. Also, all tracks. It's on brand. I mean, I love him so much. None of that is embellished whatsoever. That's just what his life is. Correct. And look, for my part, I'm mostly just getting lightly stone and

watching like lead pass. I coughed during that. And that was because of the vapes, not because of like sickness. Yeah, Cortez uses something. What's it called? What's your device? Whoa, whoa, allegedly there's people out there who use something called an ooze tanker. Yeah, it's just something that people use. It looks like a thing that was not allowed in the PG version of an Injittertles movie. That's right.

That's right, TSA loves it. Um, Psh. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Uh, what's our next voice about? That's right. TSA loves it. What's our next voice about? Hey, Pablo, what's up, man? Steve from Nashville. I was wondering. I had this burning question. I can't get to the bottom of it. To Troy Ackman know that he looks like the what, Jay-Z? Because I feel like he's got to know it. Like when he looks in the mirror,

but anyway, hoping he gets his problem this man, thanks and love. So I love this question because I too have wondered this and I had the good opportunity, the good fortune Cortez to co-host PTI last week and our guest, and this is just by the grace of God, was none other than White Jay-Z himself.

And so I, of course, shamelessly injected myself into the proceedings to create content for the show. Oh wow. Okay. Hey Troy, can I ask you one weird question before I let you go? Just not for PTI, but so I host this podcast, I find stuff out and I have one very quick question for you.

Are you aware that the internet thinks you look like Jay-Z? Yes, I am aware of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, uh, white Jay-Z, there was a meme that still pops up on my feed from some time. Yes. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. So I don't know if that was actually an unedited picture of me, but pretty scary. What Troy Aikman said at the end there that maybe this photo was edited. I mean, look at the photo. We're going to put it on screen here. Cortez, this is just, that's just white Jay Z. It's, it's really incredible. I do want to point out that you were getting paid to do PTI and you were doing this show instead.

You realize that, right? You were on the clock for them. Instead is totally inaccurate. As the word you just used there. I was doing this show in addition. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

White JZ, by the way. It's incredible. It's just objectively true. You think it did? You think it did? Oh yeah. Okay. White Jay Z, by the way. It's incredible. It's, it's just objectively true. You think it's edited? Oh, yeah. No, that means he doesn't know what's going on, but that's something the internet's cared about for many years.

Because Troy Ackman looks like White Jay Z. Yes. What's the next call? Hey Pablo, it's a little Luke for Miami. I was curious. Do you know if LeBron James, you did Gmail? All right, let us know. Thank you.

It's a great question. Right? No, it's a, no, not your question. It's a great question. This question is a great question because what do these people that we regard as our idols, the people atop Mount Olympus in sports, what do they actually do for the quotidian tasks of their life?

Do they use Gmail as a great question? And in fact, I know the answer to this question. Do you really? I have done a lot of reporting on this question. I bring you not just the question of does LeBron James use Gmail, but the question of what does the banana boat as a unit use for their designated email provider?

Okay, so LeBron James, I have exclusively learned. Hot mail? Does not use Gmail. Okay, wow. I'm gonna give you the four domains actually Cortez that the banana boat uses. Okay. And no particular specified identified way.

One of them uses Yahoo. One of them uses Gmail. One of them uses me.com. That's LeBron. One of them has his own domain. Wow. He uses Yahoo. Oh, Chris Paul, Carmelo Anthony, Dwayne Wade, LeBron James, are the four kids. E.E. Lee, Chris Paul is the one on Yahoo, he's the oldest. That's a no-brainer. The one that's tripping me up is the me and the, and the young domain, because those are of the same variety. Me first. Which I you know, I associate LeBron. Dwayne's gotta be, you know what? I'm gonna say Dwayne's got his own domain, LeBron's Me.com. Chris Paul uses Yahoo. I nailed that.

Carmelo Anthony. Mellow. Obviously uses Me.com. Okay, fair enough. Dwayne Wade uses Gmail. LeBron James has his own domain. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

Who are your sources? Next, voicemail. Bro, what kind of journalist are you? This is why Ezra was giving you sh** episode. You gotta know is that it's true. It's anonymously verified and true. Dan LeBron, get rid of your AOL. Pablo, hey, Micah from Cincinnati.

Great area code, by the way, Rep. 513. I was listening to Katie Nolan show the other day, and as a long-time Yankee Hater, I wasn't surprised that she dug up information that A-Rod, that Prima-Donna, that narcissistic J-Lo, Hay and Jerk, has a picture of himself as a centaur in his living room? Please tell me that's true. I just have been dying over here. Thanks. So we did a share in tell with Katie Nolan, me and Dan,

did this and we talked about A-Rod in depth and we talked about how we all want the centaur painting rumor to be true so badly that it is basically just real to us so bad It's incredible. It's one of the greatest details about any athlete in the history of sports I've thought about this for years. It's been on Twitter for a long time You can't get better than Alex Rodriguez has a painting of himself as a centaur Self-explanatory, right

What I have to update on this for the listener and for you is that I have been reporting this story since we did that share and tell. And the research phase of this, like, I want to make clear, um, Madonna has weighed in. I want to be fair to A. Rod and to her. This is what Madonna said on the matter. Okay. You spent time with athletes before your friends with many athletes. Alex Rodriguez being one of them.

Is it true that he has an oil painting of himself depicted as a centaur, half-man, half-horse in his home? Wow. If he does, I haven't seen it. Not a denial. Right. Not a denial. She got bailed out by all the laughter.

Like, she knew she didn't have to give a real answer there. I agree. A. Rod incidentally gave a quote. He was at an art basil like a decade ago in Miami. And this is what he said about this. Okay, on the record. Quote, no, I do not have a painting of my upper body on a minotaur.

I don't know where they get that stuff. Well, an important distinction, the word, obviously. Not a denial, either. Correct. Not a denial. Correct. And in fact, what I have been told Cortez, I have reporting, new reporting.

Hmm, from someone who would know. Like a good source. Okay. That the sensor painting is actually real. Yo. Actually real. That's what I have been reliably informed. I'm still reporting this story.

I need A-Rod to comment. A-Rod, please call in to 51385, Pablo. Call in or you're a coward. I'm proud of you. You continue to break news, man. I could not be prouder of myself. Pretending a thing that I wanted to be real into via the magic of reporting. Actually, into a thing that I want to confront Alex Rodriguez about.

That's incredible. I want to go tweet it. Half-man. Yes. Half-force. All amazing. And now we get to I think the college sports segment of our non-male bag show some revolutionary show on concept today. Correct.

What do we got? Hey Pablo, Pat from Cleveland here. Do you remember that time when Cardel Jones took a break from his husband campaign at Ohio State? You go visit a boy in the hospital and then absolutely torch that kid an NCAA-14 while playing himself. And then he tweeted about beating him by 60? Was that just a stunt? Please find out.

Oh, H. I.O. So do you remember Cardel Jones and his Twitter legend? I'm certainly old enough to have remembered it, but I don't remember a thing about it. This is a massive blind spot for you. Right. Because Cardinal Jones, former Ohio State quarterback, of course, was famous for a couple of tweets.

He famously said separately from this story, quote, why should we have to go to class if we came here to play football, we ain't come to play school. Classes are pointless. That was Cardale Jones. Great tweet. This one was my favorite, one of my favorites of all time, because it was February 10, 2015,

and Cardale Jones tweeted a screenshot of an article and the headline of this article. It said Cardale Jones visits kid in hospital to play video games, beats him 91 to 35 in NCAA football. And what Cardel Jones tweets as the quote tweet of this is quote, man, I wish everyone stopped saying I beat a kid in the hospital 91 to 35. It was 98 to 35. Had 91 with 126 left in the fourth. It was 91 to 35. It was 98 to 35. Had 91 with 126 left in the fourth.

Wow, that is my kind of petty. Yes, exactly. You would appreciate Cardel Jones. But what I found on the published record is that this kid is real. What's his name? Jared Foley, he was a teen at the time, legitimately very sick.

He was in the hospital. That part is factual. He was born with hyp the time legitimately very sick. He was in the hospital. That part is factual He was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome, which means translating this That he's had more than a half dozen open heart surgeries. My goodness And so yeah, and so what I wanted to know because I knew nothing else about the details here like why did Cardale Jones allegedly Blow this kid out in NCAA football if that was the context for it. And the story, it turns out, thanks to a Zoom interview we did with Cardale Jones himself

is kind of amazing. Jerifoli is a kid that I had the honor to meet when I was in college. I'm going through our first college football playoff run, get ready for Alabama. And when I wrote coaches at the time, he had a prior relationship with the family. So he's seen us leave in, and we always leave in, and he was like, hey, you guys and I are running up here

to, you know, church's hospital with me. I'm like, yeah, let's do it. That's where the Fo fully family connection was introduced. I think up until that point he was having his third or fourth or maybe even fifth surgery, but you would have never known that far as this smile that he kept on his face far as the spirit. You would have never thought this kid was going through so much of his life. It has been through so much of his life up until that point. We were just talking and I saw his game in the system and now I think it was an Xbox

at the time. I made a joke to him. I ain't nobody play Xbox at the time. And I made a joke to my anybody play Xbox, whatever, you know, because I'm a PlayStation guy. And I, I experiment with games, he got his favorite game and he said, it's a double A and I kind of made the joke, man, I kicked your butt in that. And, you know, his family was like,

oh, are you sure about that? Because he's pretty good. And I'm just listening, I'm like, hey, listen guys, I am pretty good at this game. Like, I kicked my teammates bus all the time. So we popped it in and I got a look over to the family. I'm just looking like not standing in front of Jeremiah. You guys just thickened a little win.

And it was like, oh no, no, no, he is really good. So Jerry plays with Georgia Georgia's his favorite team. And he takes the opening kickoff to the house on me. So his family like, yeah, I told you, I told you he good. And then it was so funny because the first quarter was kind of close and we going back and forth. And he's coming out his shell a little bit, talking a little chum, and then I put myself in that quarter back.

So, you know, he had a few big sacks on me and stuff like that, like, yeah, I do that until you were real life. And you're like, we're going at it. So I'm just like, okay, okay, here we go. We got a game. So, and I just let them have it. In the stat line, the Cardo Jones stat line

for myself, put myself into that game. College football was had to be one of the best statlines in all of gaming history. I remember it too much by hand, but every touch I'm not counting for, passing a Russian. And I had at least over 600 yards passing, with over about 100 to 200 yards rushing. So it was a game for the ages.

I wish now where you can save video games and save performance on your new Gen 5 consoles. That was back in the day because I still have that thing. I did 100, guys, I did 100 points in five minute quarters. Come on. That relationship has already evolved so fast and a short period of time. By time that tweet came out, it was all funny games because I remember him challenging me into playing NHL and we going back and forth on Twitter. I'm like, Jared, bro, I'm black.

I don't play hockey. I definitely don't play hockey video game. And me and Jared and the family has hung out on many different separate occasions. I had had Jared over at the house when I had my big fourth of July cookout, if I had worked in four ball games from dinner to lunches to my dad, him and the family up to the games where we's playing the Steelers

because it's the family, the big Steelers family. I don't see the heartbreak all the time. I don't see the tears all the time. I don't have the heartbreak all the time. I don't see the tears all the time. I don't have to deal with uncomfortable conversations of, mom, why am I like this? Or the battles they have to deal with. All I see is a big smile.

And knowing that I was a part of that big smile, I wanna be able to provide that as much as I can. Clearly, hopefully praying for Jim here to his family to get through these health struggles right now. But whenever he's up to it, he got my number. He know all of that. I know that he loved that. So if he wanted to dust off that old Xbox, you know, we'd be finding a way to grab a

old PlayStation and find an NCAA 2014, then he know I'll be ready for it. Just a post-gripped on that story, a Jared Foley's family tells us that he is stable currently, which is great news, but he has a long road of recovery ahead. And so obviously, what I love about that is that they're still playing each other. It was really moving what we just saw, and like someone going into that,

that didn't know anything, it really changed how I felt about the entire thing. About all parties involved. And it made me want to formally invite Cardale Jones and Jared Foley. If you're looking for a video game, they both can enjoy. We just got to say, goodgenesis. In the studio, we got a screen.

We can host the next rematch that they have. Please come through guys. Yes Okay, we have another voicemail, I believe Gordon from DC. Can you find out why the hell stand for change their mascot to a tree? It's awesome. The tree dancing on the side of the field, but how is that a cardinal a bird? I'm confused This is a fair inquiry. That's a great question. I didn't know the field. But how is that a cardinal, a bird? I'm confused. This is a fair inquiry. That's a great question. I didn't know the answer.

Fantastic question. And luckily, we hear at Publicatory finds out. Before you, can we just say, like, would you agree? That's a stupid looking tree, right? Stupid. It's stupid. I don't know why you hate this tree. It's stupid.

It looks like a dumb tree. So what we did was confront our West Coast Bureau chief, Rachel Miller Howard, here on the staff, with this allegedly stupid tree. And we asked her, can you explain this to us? Please. And here's what Rachel, our friend Rachel said. Great producer. Go ahead. Okay. So two things. The first is that the Stanford tree is not the official mascot of the school. It's the mascot of Stanford's wacky marching band, but it does function as the unofficial school mascot. Until 1972, the official Stanford mascot was the Stanford Indian, which was obviously super racist. A group of native students protested it and the school ended up dropping it.

The tree made its debut in a football field show in 1975 as a spoof, but everybody loved it so much. It became the band's de facto mascot, and that spirit of absurdity and reverence, cheekiness are still very much the mo of the Stanford tree. When I talked with last year's tree, I learned about some of the jaw-dropping shenanigans these mischief makers get into. Like, I heard a story about a wannabe tree who cut off their toes to prove their worth, and they didn't get the job. I heard another story about a tree aspirin putting on one of those dog-shock collars and dancing around on all fours all while eating live fish

and drinking his own urine and he did get the job. Who knows what's fact, what's fiction but I choose to believe it's all true. The second thing I wanted to tell you is that yes Stanford is known as the Cardinal, and it has been since 1981, but it's not actually a bird reference. That's why you don't see a bird flapping around at their halftime shows. Nope, the Stanford Cardinal is a color reference. Their

uniforms and flags are red. So, surprise, there is no official mascot of Stanford, but they've got a foliage garb to maniac and a nice rich hue. Yeah, if you're not going to interview trees, you cannot work on public Torrey finds out. When I talked to last year's tree, was an underrated sentence from that, there was a lot of incredible reporting in that. My favorite sentence though was the one about like, was it a shot collar and like urine? Not all four. And all fours. Yeah. That's something you do on regular. Okay. We go to break. So that was like the that was the popery section of our non-male bag voice male show. I mean, I would just thank you against all the callers because there's a lot of things to thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. We cannot do this without you. We need you. We love you. This is a club that I want everybody to be able to join to play your eyes, Tony Cornizer. Except Ryan Rissello. Exactly. All right, Ryan Cortez' band list is not my band list. That's fair, but I do not speak for you. But legally speaking, that is important to point out.

But there are some voicemails that I think have more depth to them that I want to give more space to like this one. Hey, Pablo, I'm watching season two of the bear and I can't help but think I see your doppelganger and cousin Richie's episode. Has anyone else told you this or am I losing my mind? Everybody, everybody keeps telling me this. And it's the genuinely annoying. It's in real life.

People have stopped me about this. It's on the internet. It's on group chats. So this actor is not just on season two of the bear, one of the great TV shows ever, in my opinion, the bear. He's also on Platonic, the popular Apple TV show with Seth Rogen. He's a prominent character on that. He's everywhere. He's everywhere and I've googled Tim and I looked him up, you know,

I don't know if you have a bizarro, a doppelganger. Why would I have a bizarro? I'm very unique. I'm the minister of heat prop. There aren't two of me. Can we just get an ISO of Ryan Cortez? Yeah. There is nobody else like a unique non-miami. Yes, thank you. No, one of one. There is nobody else like me. There is a unique not my amy. Yes, thank you. One of one. That said, I always get compared to this actor whose name, it turns out, is Andrew Lopez.

Okay, okay. And it was time I felt to fight him, to try and ambush him. And so what I did was, I never met this guy before in my life. I invited him here to this table to finally confront Bizarre O'Me and having never met him before, I had no idea what the f*** This was gonna be like, this is what happened.

The problem that I immediately noticed for everyone who's not watching on YouTube is that you're not- Are we recording already? This is what happened. The problem that I immediately notice for everyone who's not watching on YouTube is that you and I- Are we recording already? Are we? Yeah. Okay, sweet.

The thing that I was noticing as I was listening to you talk just then, which is already disturbing to me, is that we were unintentionally doing the same thing. We had our hand to our cheek resting on our arm across our, we were doing this unintentionally But I need to explain why you and I are doing this So I have gotten the last summer while I've been launching this show Pablo Torei finds out

I have been simultaneously bombarded by people and I just want to read you some of these things that I have it's gotten Okay, May 26th. I love Pablo Torei in things that I have with God, okay? May 26th, I love Pablo Torre in the new Apple show, Platonic, okay? June 8th, I'm sure you've heard, but the dude Andrew Lopez from Platonic definitely playing you in a movie. June 19th, it's a trip how much Reggie from Platonic looks like Pablo Torre.

The brother slash investor is sketchy Pablo, right? That's from f***ing Mina in a group chat on June 21st. And it goes on here. Why does a digger's investor from Platonic Lee's exactly Pablo Torre? Are you in the news show on Apple TV, Platonic? You've probably heard this a lot, but started watching Platonic last night

had to Google the cast of it to see if it was you playing the Reggie character. It was not. But what have been cool if it was? You know, I can't tell you. So before I was ever on Platonic, I used to tour with Joe Koi, who is another fellow Filipino legend. Yeah. I can't tell you that we said at the same time. I know. This is already. I hate this. I'm also trying to rub my head

instinctively and look at straightening myself. This is already. I like scared the f*** up. This is back. So the first time I get off of stage, I was in Charlotte, North Carolina. We were playing a theater. I get off stage and somebody yells, ESPN, bro.

They don't even say you're funny. They go, ESPN, bro. And this is like in 2018, you must have been doing with your show with Bomania at the time. Yeah, high noon. And just premiered that year. Bro, I can look you up and I hated you. I hated you.

Because the first thing I saw was that you're hotter than me. And I don't see it. Do you see it when you looked it up, when you looked me up? Did you see it. Do you see it when you looked it up, when you looked me up, did you see it? So I should say that it has bothered me to get compared to you. Yeah. Because I thought I was hotter than you.

Yeah, it's both, do it, see it. And I'm like, really? Like, do we really look that much alike? I've spent an entire life straightening my back, having pride and whatever the f*** going on up here. You know? You know what's really funny though,

is that you are hotter than me. You are taller than me. You have better skin than I do. But I don't know if that's good. You are phenomenal. Here's the thing that's crazy about it though, bro. They put me on camera as the actor. You are a Hollywood.

So this is how the- I'm Mickey Rork you, dude. Oh, I'm bizarre, I'm bizarre, oh you. I love it. So bizarre me is exactly what I have called you. But this is how this happened. Your Hollywood accent happening in parallel to the construction of the studio and the show,

invading my phone, is that I get all these photonic texts and I'm like, I haven't seen this. Showed, do I really need to watch this show? I hate this guy also. I hate this, right? There's so many levels to which I dislike this. So same, same again, same, same. But then one of the shows that I love is the bear.

And so I'd watch season one, of course, I'm like season two, yes, it's my time. Let's go Pablo time, Violet, my three year old to sleep, Pablo time in the living room. Watching the bear, my private year old to sleep, Pablo time in the living room, watching the bear, my private space working just like field things. And season two, episode seven, episode is titled Forks. Okay.

And there you f***ing are. On prestige, television, critically acclaimed, like spoiler alert, it's one of my favorite episodes of television ever. Same as a fan, it's incredible. And you are key to this. And so I watched episode seven of Season Two of the Bear. You pop up and immediately, all you can hear

my living room is, this fucking guy, motherfucker, and I immediately text my group chat with Mina and Alan Yang and Mike Sherry's TV guys. We've been making fun of me. And I'm like, he's fucking everywhere. And I wanted to hate this. And then those tweets come. And at that point, I'm just like, okay, this is,

we need to, I follow you on Instagram. And you kindly message me. And this is how this is, this is, we need to, I follow you on Instagram and you kindly message me and this is how this is, this is born but holy s**t and like, I can only imagine what your life has been like. Dude, I, I'm gonna derail everything you just did because I wanna say. Very me of you. Dude, you are truly, I was just talking to our mutual friend

at Lindsay Adler last night, right so they're all street journal. Excellent baseball writer. Great and I grew up with her in Iowa and we were just singing the praises about this new world to our mutual friend, at Lindsay Adler last night, who writes to the Wall Street Journal. X in the baseball writer. Great. And I grew up with her in Iowa. And we were just singing the praises about this new world that we live in of understanding the system and being respectful

to the system that we are born into, but then respectfully disrupting. And I think you, when I started to like, like, you know, I would hear about you like in 2018. I was like, who is this guy? I hate this person. But bro, you are somebody that is so inspiring to me. And I just, and even seeing this,

and you're talking about my right, who cares? Like I care. I appreciate that because. I sincerely care. But that's why, dude, that's the most masculine quality you can have is care. That's right. I've gone from hating you to being aroused by you. Dude, I think yes.

And therefore myself, and I'm like, what a delightful ego, Luke. Because when you look, when you get aroused by me, you are loving yourself, dude. I am. That's all it is. I just want the audience to know we cannot be looking at each other pupils anymore intimately. I'm across this table. Okay, even more derailing, did you also get a weird feeling that

when people were comparing us, and I'm not one of those guys at race bates, but I was like, is this a weird all Filipino culture? Yeah, yeah, yeah, no doubt. So we should say the obvious here, which is that you are part Filipino. Yes. Presenting though as Filipino because your, which is that you are part Filipino. Yeah.

Presenting though as Filipino because your other part is. I'm a quarter Korean. A quarter Korean. Yeah. Okay, so what's a full combination then? Let's do the pie chart here. Let's race face this. Okay, so I'm, okay, my mom is Filipino.

My dad is half Korean, half Filipino. Oh. So you're three quarters Filipino. Three quarters Filipino. I was born raised in Iowa and I consider myself Iowa. What a, what a, what a, what a freak. Are you straight, Philip, you know? I am, I am, I am 1 million percent Philip,

you know, it's a Harvard, I went to Harvard, but you look, but this part of this thing, you, you, you just called me a freak and I am telling you, you straight up are the white, you actually are the whitest Philip, you know, in the world. This is a problem for me. It, which I, it's just fine. telling you, you straight up are the white, you actually are the whitest Filipino in the world. You are the white. This is a problem for me.

It, which I, it's just fine. So, so I, so I'm gonna ignore this call. We're gonna get, who was it? It was God telling me, are you sure you wanna, you sure you wanna like touch hands like light like shoot out of your bodies at this point? So, so I just need to remark upon the stew that lives inside of us, right?

Because to be Filipino when you mention, like I'm a thousand percent Filipino American, right? First one of my family born in America in New York City. Parents came over in the early 80s. My sister was a baby when they came over. So yes, I'm like a hundred percent Filipino, but inside of that, as you know, your fucking name is Andrew Lopez, dude.

My, I'm Pablo Torres. So the idea that like two Asian Americans cutting it up, people already are obviously confused. I want you to, I feel chaotic. I just gonna be, I took Zoolov right before I got in here. Perfect. And I feel, I feel like I'm having a manic episode so I'm gonna save time.

Honestly, what I have brought you into is as manic in episode, as I could personally bespoke design for you. It's like, hey, come into this room, inside of that room is the bizzaro guy for me, is Fien who you've hated. Okay, I can't even, I don't even, I can't get my mind right.

I have hated you, but I, at some point, it must have softened, right? Yes, exactly. And it goes back to exactly what, why I think you have this mask, the best masculine quality of all time, which is care. And I think when you're surround yourself with people who care about you and subsequently you care about them, it becomes this very charged environment of truth and honesty, hopefully comes out.

Hopefully. And a lot of times that looks like hate, but that is ego, that's our ego, taking it that way, right? So I think that comes back around to my parents growing up in the small town in Iowa, were like, you're Andrew Lopez, that's your name, and you're Filipino. So when people would be like,

Andrew Lopez, are you a Mexican? What's going on? I would be like, I'm Filipino, this is why, and they be like, Andrew Lopez, are you a Mexican? What's going on? I would be like, I'm Filipino. This is why. And they were like, cool. And I just saw how fast ignorance turns into knowledge, but it's my responsibility to be able to give that to them. And I think that taught me how to go through hardship early.

And I appreciate that. Yeah, I mean, the idea of, hey, I am these things. I contain multitudes. I can read as Hispanic, Mexican, I've got the same exact thing. My name is fucking Pablo. You got Andrew, bro. Think about what's been like over here. On this side of the table.

And I'm the third Pablo in a lineage of Pablo, right? And you have to explain If you get wanting to explain like yeah, by the way colony of Spain That then got occupied by the United States and World War II we were allies and they exported Basketball and spam Yes, Catholicism Catholicism coming from the Spanish Empire running through the Christianity of America. Like what the Philippines is is its own.

I mean, look, the melting pot idea, right? Like truly the Philippines is indigenous tribes, meets China, meets Malay, meets Spain, meets America, meets, I mean, they have what, over 99 different dialects. Yes. The more islands in the Philippines, they 99 different dialects. Yes, in that country. The more islands in the Philippines, there are more islands in the Philippines and anywhere else on Earth, there are more dialects it seems,

but somehow we all are really good at karaoke. Yeah, which is the, okay, the universal language, singing, also all very good at caring. You know what, dude, actually, so many great nurses, obviously, like the nursing industry is. Incredibly Filipino. Yes.

Bro, we f***ing rock, dude. Look at us, dude. I know. But look at this. I'm fatter than you, too, bro. I've been not eating in preparation for today. Dude, you all got to looking. We also have a photoshop filter on this side of the screen.

Just get, bring my cheekbones got to look in reverse. We also have a photoshop filter on this side of the screen. Just get, bring my cheekbones out. You look good. What do you guys think? Let's take a vote. Come on! Come on! Let's go, bro. All right, this interview is over.

This interview's f**king over. Seriously, I know this interview is insane, but I'm telling you, I respect the f**k out of you and I'm really glad that I know I really think insane, but I'm telling you, I respect the fuck out of you, and I'm really glad that I know, I really think we'd be friends. I cannot believe that this is the first time we've met each other in a way that is only explained by a cosmic multiverse.

It feels like we've known each other for our entire life. Congrats, by the way. Seriously, I was. This is so sick. Likewise, I'm telling you, man, I, no one is doing this, and I'm excited to see where you continually grow and change. It's gonna be awesome.

Andrew Lopez. Thank you. Thank you, man. I do want to bring something up that shout out to Andrew Lopez. He sat in this chair and he said something a couple of times about how he feels like you're hotter than he is. And you were eager to bring him in and you even told him that you felt the same way.

You and I used to talk about a man that is now the co-host of El Duncan's podcast. I don't know how to pronounce his last name, forgive me, but I believe it's pronounced Jerry Strusky. He's also known by Mina Kimes as Hot Pablo. So Gary Strusky, forgive me. I believe Mina branded him hot Pablo, which is obviously deeply offensive.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Have him in here, are you gonna have him too? He, I've been trying to rebrand him as fake Pablo. Ha ha ha ha ha. You're a hater. That dude is too hot to be here actually. We should put all three. No, actually, no one is banned on Pablo Toria

finds out except for Gary Striski because he is too hot I'm uncomfortable that we're showing a photo of him right now in which that is abundantly clear his jawline I know what is he doing steroids So at the end here Cortez, as I on strap our shock collar and reflect upon what we found out about our listeners, about the club that we've made joined by all of the people who called in. What have you found out? I've learned we have a lot of listeners and I love that we've made joined by all of the people who called in. What have you found out? I've learned we have a lot of listeners and I love them. I get an email notification every time one of you calls.

We're closing in on 305 of you. My favorite number at 305 shadow Miami. Oh, Lord. Well, look, I learned, of course, that I also love all of these people who took the time out of their days to do this sincerely. Also, I love some more than others. Like I don't know if I love people I don't love my shirt well do you love this guy I

Some would say it's a bad voicemail counterpoint could be your voicemail when people call you. Oh wow What do you think about that? I think that people would stop calling me Which would maybe be a good strategy by me. And yet I don't think that God deserves the title of worst, yeah, I'll just say worst collar because of this guy. Can you figure out what Jim Rome is doing? I really like to figure out why he's like do that birth all of this argument television of being suppressed. Did you do something bad? You know apparently you didn't switch up to your voice mail and sorry about my fourth

call but thought that you to shift some light. Holy s**t. Can we wait for that? I don't know what I was going to say. my fourth call but um thought that you uh to shift some light oh you can clearly forget what I was gonna say. Yo sorry about that. Were you signed out? Why like are you signed out? Why Billy Corbin had the greatest Friday of his life. Oh like that faded. I can't even Friday of his life. Oh, like that faded. I can't even like this. You're the last one I've grown. You should just do a show with your parents.

Talk like Eurality. I know nothing. I haven't even been doing it for a while. Works. All right. Thanks a lot. Talk to you soon. Peace.

I got called us six times. You left over seven minutes of tape. He's hired. Traditioner. Good ideas. He's higher, which is hard for this show. To be a lot of calls, dude. I would say in general, if you want me to do a show with my parents, you're going to

have to be a little more sober when you call us. Right. I'll also point out, though, that even if you called us and we didn't play your voice mail on today's show, this does not mean that we're not using it. We got too many to play on just today's show to be honest, and so this is a monthly feature we're gonna be doing, right? Absolutely. And some of the ones you gave us the deeper ones. We still need to go into that and do the journalism on those. Some of them I've started. Yeah. Yeah. We're good. We're appreciative of you helping us do the thing

that allegedly cannot be done, which is a perpetual finding out machine. Please keep calling, man. Keep calling. Cortez needs to, I assume, buy another ooze tanker. Allegedly, great company. Allegedly tank all of that ooze. Oh, baby. Shout out to allegedly tank all of that ooze. Oh, baby shout out to my lungs

This has been Pablo Tore finds out a metal-ark media production And I'll talk to you next time And I'll talk to you next time.