The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - PTFO - Share & Cinderella & Tell with Lucy Rhoden and Rodger Sherman

Episode Date: March 20, 2025

What would you do if you got hit by a stomach bug while driving a Nissan Sentra? Are UNC grads actually bigger a$$holes than Duke fans? Should you pick your bracket solely based on mascots? And how would you create the ultimate sports bubble? Plus: Chihuahua Guy, Lady Cocks, Gentleman Zips, @RamsesBalls, fate, destiny, peace accords and snitching on Hawkeye Elvis. • Subscribe to the Read Rodge newsletter: https://rodgersherman.substack.com/ • Watch "Off-Rhoding" with Lucy Rhoden: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbPIlsADdT0&list=PLRsPi_fqIjreCx526Na0R_JI7xxO6rfML Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out. I am Pablo Torre. Today's episode is brought to you by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours. And today we're going to find out what this sound is. This is the first time I've been on this show. This is how everyone's going to know me, the vomit girl. Right after this ad. You're listening to DraftKings Network. inspired by a true life story. If I don't deal with him, he will never leave us alone.

You don't see how the words sing to you. Anna Lee Ashford and Dennis Quaid star. I am not responsible for what my dad did. Let's go on how you hoped. Happy Face, new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount+. I've been thinking about this a lot in recent days and like the conference tournament season is the number one event for like the third tier sporting arenas besides like AEW wrestling and it's also the number one week for Red Panda.

She does like three tournaments that week. I don't know like how she travels so efficiently. Does Red Panda have a private jet is the question because she'll be at the Big Ten tournament and the next day she's in Charlotte. Red Panda absolutely does not have a private jet. I don't know. She lost her unicycle on the in transit one time. Well, that's what she needs more.

But the list of people who deserve a private jet number one is Red Panda. I believe so. I remember one time the ACC in the big East's were both in New York the ACC was at Barclays and Red Panda Did both and I was like good good puller. That's just that's like Deon Sanders No one no one does it like her Star should be a Hall of Famer and We've tried to crusade for this. We continue to crusade for this. It's a pablatory topic for sure.

I mean, she's just the greatest. And you know something? Every time when I saw her at both the Big East and the ACC both times, I was like, it's incredible. This is better than the basketball. Have you seen the Chihuahua guy? You know, he's trying to steal her thunder. It is pretty cool though.

That dog does crazy tricks. So Chihuahua guy, for those who are not familiar with Chihuahua guy. The Chihuahua does what? He just like jumps and climbs over the person. It's hard to explain, but he's doing like cool tricks. It's like acrobatics but but for a chihuahua. But the like, the course is the person. The guy is the course.

Yeah, but I think they also have other courses too. I think he brings props. I've only seen the guy as the course. I saw him last year and I tweeted about it. And I was like, for a second, I thought it was just a guy doing like gymnastics by himself. And then the chihuahua came out and I was pumped pumped and he replied like, yeah, this is my life. Like no one is there for me.

Everyone's here for the Chihuahua. I believe that he went to Illinois State because I have a friend who went to Illinois. This is a deep cut. That I had a friend that went to Illinois State and I'm pretty sure that they have like a good circus program. Like that's something that they have like I know Florida State has a good circus program but I think that Illinois State does as well but I'm not positive. Christian Stoynev Illinois State graduate 2013. You know

what's and Scooby. Scooby is the Chihuahua. Scooby the the Chihuahua that sits atop the physical human platform that is Christian. You know who's making a... who I've seen in recent weeks who is definitely at multiple tournaments? There's a woman who does jump ropes and on the other end of the jump rope is a dog and then jumping the jump rope in the middle is a third dog. What? Yeah, she was at multiple conference tournaments.

It's a big week for the half-time entertainers of the world. It is. We don't really think about that, but you're totally right. You're totally right that on the calendar, when it comes to monetizing your dog, it's your- your talented dogs. That's right. It's talented dog season. That's so cool. Have you guys seen the dog that paints and like paints really well? Does it do basketball games? Yeah, does a halftime. I hope it does. It's just like on TikTok. I believe it will become a halftime performance. We're just in the cool dog's phase.

But this dog can like pick up a brush with its its teeth and actually paint something kind of beautiful. And but it also makes me think it's a little fake because aren't dogs colorblind? How can you tell what the colors of this guy are? TikTok has flooded the zone with pets doing cool stuff, but I only care if they can do it in the seven minutes in between the end of the second quarter and the teams coming out for warmups. If you can massage that into something at home and turn it into like a video, I don't

believe it. I don't buy it. I need to see it in person before the team comes out to shoot some 16 footers. Roger Sherman, Lucy Rodin. I am not somebody who goes on the road anymore in the ways that I want to. But how would you mathematically add up how much time you spent at college campuses over the last year between the two of you? I went to 19 games.

I actually did the math. So I went to 62 games in the 2023 season. We're just nuts. And this season I did not do that. This season I slept. That was like a one time bit for me. Lucy has now done multiple seasons of like seeing dozens of games. So we're probably, you'll probably catch me next year. Lucy's frowning at her cell phone. I went to 19 games, I took 42 flights there. And I got the stomach virus one time and that was bad.

One time feels based on the total opportunities to get various stomach viruses, not bad, yeah. It was not good. It was not good at all. Was it a Tracy Morgan at Madison Square Garden situation? It was a is he okay? I Am told so I conducted a brief investigation. I am told sources close to Tracy Morgan and for me that he is okay Okay, I've been there you've got Tracy Morgan sources Roger. I got sources. You never even dreamed of that's incredible Dang, that's really cool. I got the stomach virus in a rental car, so that was horrible.

That was the worst. Knock white courtside at the garden. No, it was the worst, one of the worst days of my life. From like a stadium food? We were, I don't know what it was from. We were leaving the University of South Carolina and I was driving to my dad's house in North Carolina So it's like a three ish hour drive easy for me I drive across the country all the time casually, but we're going and I'm not feeling the best Not feeling the best and as I merge onto the highway, there's nowhere for me to go

We're merging onto the interstate. I throw up everywhere and then this is so gross And I don't know why I'm telling people this so I use my hand because It's ah you don't have you're trying to catch it was I wasn't trying to it was an instinct I'm trying to see the road and so goes everywhere. I have to drive like this. I'm covered in vomit. I'm sobbing Hysterically hysterically I had a macho, so it's all green and gross I'm just sobbing and I call my dad and he's like, have you been in an accident? I'm like, worse, I threw up all over myself.

This is terrible. I pull over to gas station. I'm just crying and crying and crying. I'm covered in vomit. And so I have to take all my clothes off because I'm covered in vomit, but I'm covered in so much vomit that I'm basically naked in this parking lot

and you can't tell because there's so much vomit on me. It was a really bad day. Share and tell. I apologize for laughing. This is the first time I've been on this show. This is how everyone's going to know me, the vomit girl. One quick question. Is there any chance because it was so green that people were like, that's not vomit?

I don't know what they thought. It was everywhere. My hair was on my face. It was all over my body. And this was a crowded like gas station in South Carolina for some reason. Everybody was there and I was like, I don't care. I will say that father of the year, I got back, I'm like sobbing and covered in vomit. My dad was like, just go throw up and he cleaned out all the vomit for me. Oh man. And he didn't get the stomach virus which that kind of pissed me off. Like thanks for your help, but you should have gotten it. I should have been contagious.

Which is all to say that in the time that you guys hung out together, Roger remained unvomited upon. No, I never puked in front of you. I do not know you as a vomiter, a projectile vomiter. It was so bad. It was like the exorcist. I'm really glad we asked her. I wasn't expecting that much detail about the vomit. Like, nor I thought she was just going to say, yeah, it was bad. And this is this is the journalism that we all aspire to.

It was so bad. It was awful. Tough, tough scene. So this is the time when we contemplate. Yeah, the cosmic celestial fates of the teams on this bracket. They gave us paper brackets. We have paper. I don't have a printer. We have printed out paper brackets.

Oh, I'm so excited. You guys have spent so much time around college students, college athletes, that your interpretation of how this is going to go from a metaphysical level is actually news I could use and Roger I feel like you have done as is your want as is your sub stacks whole deal a genuinely insane amount of research So how do you assess the four quadrants on this bracket? First of all, I don't pay attention to any any of the teams with single digits You know, there's there's several teams that are apparently good at college basketball this year. We're not here to talk about those

No, we're here to talk about the teams that went like 17 and one in their conferences and I believe they can pull the upset and Also, they've never been to the NCAA tournament before and also they have a unique mascot. Those are who I'm honed in on. So just for the record though, so like Duke and Cooper Flagg... Who? Not interested, but the fact that Cooper Flagg's mom is very angry at... I love her. Carolina. Lucy is already making noises.

Um, so my brother texted me that when she wrote like this full Facebook post basically being like, Carolina fans suck. And I'm so happy we beat you and I don't care because the worst fan experience I've ever had in my life was at a UNC game. And I know that everything she said is true. Everything.

I'll set the scene since you asked. 16 years old, a young Lucy, full of hopes and dreams. Okay? That's different from me now. No more hopes and dreams. Those are gone. This guy took it from me. It got vomited out in a Nissan Sentra.

Yeah, pretty much. Oh, at times. So, Iowa was playing UNC in the Big Ten ACC Challenge and me and my little brother went. And Iowa beat UNC. They never should have. It was one of the worst basketball games I've ever seen in the Big Ten ACC Challenge and me and my little brother went. And Iowa beat UNC. They never should have. It was one of the worst basketball games I've ever seen in my life. Like it was genuinely a terrible game.

But I'm from North Carolina so it was super exciting because me and my brother never get to see Iowa play. I believe it was the first time that UNC had lost at home as a ranked team to an unranked team. It was a crazy upset that wasn't even important. It was like a Tuesday in December was the Big Tenacy Challenge. Who cares?

And we're sitting there and me and my brother are celebrating. And this guy turns around. He's sitting in front of me and he's like, you're the reason UNC lost. Me? Lucy? Like that's impressive for one 16-year-old. And I was like, no sir, I'm sorry. Like it was just, you know, you can't win them all.

Whatever. I'm 16. Do you realize when you're doing the Lucy 16-year year old voice, it's literally the same as Lucy in the present tense voice. Yeah, but imagine me looking, I actually pretty much look 16 right now. You look 15. Oh, I looked 12 at the time, which is important for the story actually. So he's like, you're the reason UNC lost. I'm like, hey man, no, I'm not. I didn't do anything. And I was really nice. Like I was like, hey, was like, hey, I'm sorry, these things happen.

And he was like, who do you think you are coming to a basketball game cheering like that? I said, I feel like this is the one socially acceptable place for me to do that. And I'm a kid, I'm like, what? And he's gotta be in his 70s. He's got a sweater vest on. And so I'm like, I'm sorry's I'm sorry sir it's just a

basketball game like we never get to see our favorite team like and they won like it's a big deal for us and he hits me what I know I was a child I was a baby so he shoves me he pushes me back into my seat I'm sorry I feel like I am responsible for retroactively filing a police report. So here's how that went. So I'm like, what? I was just hit by an old man and his wife is like, oh no. But these lovely Iowa fans had come and sat with us during the game.

So one of them was a professor of law at Wake Forest and she was like, hey man, you just assaulted a 12 year old, which by the way, we had been talking the whole game and I was like, oh, she's thought I was 12 years old this whole time like that really hurts my feelings and it looks like I was 12 years old And I was dressed like I was 12 years old like I was dressed way too intensely for a Tuesday night basketball game in Chapel Hill So they had to go get security because well he hit me so security comes to my dad's like we need to get out of here We have to leave it. I was like, no, we have to we have to stay with Tiffany She fought for my honor and then he was like no we have to leave it I was like no we have to we have to stay with Tiffany she fought for my honor and then he was like no we have to leave and I left and I was like I will never go to

Carolina because that's the school I wanted to go to and I hate them so when Cooper flags mom was like yeah these fans sucked and they were horrible I knew she was telling the truth right so in other words quote a big f you to the entire Carolina fan base for being classless a-holes. Yeah, I bet it was that guy. Well, I bet it was him. Our investigation continues. Generally, the the understanding in the college basketball universe is that Duke is the evil one of the two schools.

Correct. No, it's UNC. And we just didn't realize it all these years. It was UNC. Like the thing with Duke is like, I do think that they can be a-holes, but they like really get into the games. They're they're a very passionate fan base UNC fans show up they don't really get into it. They're a very wine and cheese crowd So for me 16 year old Lucy that could have passed for 12 when she showed up and she was cheering and having a good time It was like the Cardinal sent I found it very difficult to disagree with your rankings of who's the bigger a**hole, based on your personal experience.

I was hit! I was assaulted! Roger's writing down notes on his record. No, I'm just crossing UNC off. Yeah, when they... Look, when they... It like created like a life... Like, I hate UNC.

I'm gonna cross UNC off too. I just remembered another place I met you, which was the Dukes Mayo Bowl between West Virginia and North Carolina Where we were on the sidelines with the North Carolina Ram? Yeah, Ramsey's Ramsey's. Yes Really? You know, they tend to focus on the front with the horns, but there's it's it's a ram It's not a sheep. It's insane. I get jarring

giant It's not a sheep. It's insane. Like it's jarring. They're giant balls. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I once went so I used to cover the NCAA tournament for sports illustrated all the time and I remember going into a bathroom at a regional and Into the bathroom as I was at the urinal walked Ramses and he went into a stall and now I realized if I peeked into

That stall I would have seen some Some things wait wait the the costume. Yeah Okay, I get to go photo of of this. Yeah, that's it. Okay. I think I can take a photo of this. Yeah, that's a fun part of being a college basketball. That might also be illegal. There's like, if you go to a college basketball tournament and you have a press pass and you're in the behind the scenes area,

you will see a lot of mascots like with their head off drinking like some Gatorade or whatever to stay. Yeah, real like Disneyland, Mickey Mouse smoking a cigarette vibes. I remember I was at the St. Peters one a couple years ago and like at UNC there must be like 20 guys trying to be the UNC mascot but like the St. Peters guy was really chill and I just remember him walking out of the area and just being like, hey, where's the pizza and I was like I just he was definitely less of a professional than that than the other mascots on the scene so just to keep the loss to North

Carolina too it's so ruin everything we've already talked about a pretty just not a vomit an alleged assault. Someone being... Alleged? And then also the mascot of a school that is presumably based on the guy who makes the decision on whether you go to hell or not in St. Peter's. Yeah. Yeah, there's... There's a lot going on in this.

Like you said, what's the word you said? Metaphysical? Cosmological? Yeah. There's a lot of that going on. But the West region, Roger, sorry, we derailed you in ways that are now too difficult to summarize. I was assaulted.

It's fair for me to do that. I will not be silenced. I can't stop laughing at your general suffering. So going region by region here in the West, you know, again, once again, we're skipping all the single digit seeds. We're here just to talk about the University of Nebraska at Omaha and their first NCAA tournament, the 15 seed. What I love about this team is that in December, when they were, I believe four and nine,

their team started a tradition of just beating the crap out of a trash can in the locker room before the games. And it worked. They were the best team in the Summit League. They won the conference. They made the NCAA tournament. They got the bid. And I think this is great strategy. First of all, they really go at these trash cans. I am now realizing that this is what I had previously only known as that trash can team. Yeah, they really go at these trash cans. I saw a video where one of the guys jumps off like a fridge onto it

and does like a wrestling move and he's like a player on the team. And I was like, that seems like a lot of like a little risky move just to beat up a trash can. So just this is post game and dude walks in This is post-game and dude walks in and everybody is already in ceremonial... Trashcan destruction circle. Yes. It's a little violent. The towel being snapped repeatedly only to set up the elbow drop.

Trash cans are expensive. That seems kind of wasteful. I'm not sure if it's a BYO situation where they're at a road game, they're going to destroy your teams like the trashcans. Ooh, that's a good question. I'm not sure how they are handling the logistics of the NCAA tournament.

You know, they're all going to neutral sites. Right, so how did this start though? So like I was saying, they were four and nine and the assistant coach decided to do it as a motivational tool. And people are like, it turned around their season after that point. I think the actual thing that turned around their season is just that they had a really hard non-conference schedule and they were a pretty good team in the Summit League. And then they started conference play, and they started winning. So like, incredible job by that assistant coach

to realize the perfect time to deploy your motivational tactic is when your team has just played like Iowa State, and I think like Minnesota, and some other big non-conference teams. And then the rest of your season is against South Dakota, South Dakota State, North Dakota, North Dakota State, St. Thomas. So smart thinking by him. I also, there was a quote by,

I was reading one of the stories about the trash can situation. And he said, he confirmed that none of the trash cans they beat up have mothers and fathers. They're all... Orphaned? They none of the trash cans they beat up have mothers and fathers. They're all orphaned I'm not sure what his point was there. We're just Whipping these orphan I think he was trying to say like there's no one feeling bad on their behalf But that somehow made it sadder to me This is a real by the way just a tremendous reclaiming of trash can beating that I thought the Astros

had just totally monopolized. And they're like, there's still meat left on the bone inside of this trash can. The trash cans thought they were safe for a few years because the Astros really made it seem like that was an uncool thing to do. And now everyone's beating up. And what I really liked when they won

the Summit League tournament, the... I'm not sure how this fits into the mythology of it, but they were presented the trophy out of a trash can. They hoisted it out of there, which was really beautiful. Did they beat that trash can too? They seemed pretty chill with that one. Oh, that one had a family. You know, I don't know what happened.

I'm going to guess that they... I'm going to guess that they eventually also beat that trash can though. This is a message from sponsor Intuit Turbo Tax. Guys, Taxis was dealing with piles of paperwork and frustrating forms and then waiting and wondering and worrying if you're going to get any money back. Now, Taxis is easily uploading your forms to a TurboTax expert who's matched to your unique tax situation. An expert who's backed by the latest technology which cross-checks millions of data points for a hundred percent accuracy. While they work on your taxes you get real-time updates on their progress and

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So that's a kangaroo next to a giant letter A. Yes. Are you familiar? Do you know the mascot? Do you know the mascot of the Akron zips? I can only imagine that zip is involved, but no. There's a kangaroo, correct? And do you know any other details?

I know zero other facts about the Akron zips. You know zip about them? Oh! Jesus Christ. I didn't plan that, I'm just really funny. What is a zip, technically? Akron primarily produces two things, rubber and LeBron James. And at some point in the 1920s or 30s,

the rubber companies also produce zippers. And like this is like this was like new technology at the time. Zippers are kind of one of those things that I assumed had been around for hundreds of years. But like you watch like movies set in the 1800s and they all have like elaborate buckles and stuff. They're not like there aren't zippers there. Like we invented zippers at some point. There was new technology and the people in Akron were very excited about it so much so.

And I think it's associated with the rubber like they were making rubber shoes with zippers on them or something like that. The BF Goodrich company is what this Wikipedia page is instructing me to point out. Which is separate from Good Year which is also a tire company based in Akron, Ohio and they have the Good Year blimp there. I flew in the Good Year blimp. I'm getting off topic here. When I was in Akron, they let me fly in the Good Year blimp. Of course they did. Anyway, so they named the team the Zippers. Later shortened to Zips to celebrate Akron's Zippers.

And they were like, what mascot do we have that we can signify the zipper? So they decided to make a kangaroo with a pouch with a zipper on it. Which this pouch does not seem to... I don't see a zipper on it. Which this pouch does not seem to... I don't see a zipper. But originally the pouch was zipped, you know, keep your babies from falling out, etc. But here's what I think is great about this. Only female kangaroos have pouches. Male kangaroos do not.

So they were, I believe, one of two Division I schools whose mascot is explicitly female, the other being the Delaware Blue Hens. But which, you know, there's so many game cocks and roosters, and the default is to make your mascot a guy, even if it's... Yeah, I mean, West Virginia has a literal coonskin cap wearing, rifle toting man. And North Carolina's has some giant balls.

Huge balls. Has established. Just big old balls. And, um... I had not thought about this statistic. That the Delaware Bluehands and the Akron Zips have the only explicitly female mascots. I believe so.

I know that Akron is the only one in FBS football, like of the the top tier. They're, I'm pretty confident there are no other explicitly female mascots out there. In men's basketball, yes. Normally when a school has a mascot, it's either male or like at some cases like Florida, they will have like, or NC State, they have the male and the female mascot and there's always a really weird like dynamic Yeah, that's a freaky deal

Baylor has a male and a lady like so and they have to signify that one of them is male and that one is just like A default version of the animal like Albert the Gator just looks like an alligator Walking on two legs. Mr. Wolf just looks like a wolf walking on two legs And then the female version, like they always have lipstick. Yes. Which is not actually a thing that you put on animals. And I know that the Mrs. Wolf, she's like an apron, I believe. Yes, yes, yes.

And they're always either like, there's always like a weird backstory where they're like either married or siblings. Yeah, they always have, Clemson doesn't have like a... They have a regular tiger. They don't have like a female version of it. They have like a little one that there's... I've asked the relation and I asked the mascot directly,

so he wasn't able to speak to me, but he gave me thumbs up, thumbs down. He said they're cousins. The amount of reporting that has gone into these observations you've made is genuinely kind of breaking my brain. But I'm just glad that Akron, when they came up with this mascot in the 40s and 50s, were laying out, you know, a vision for female sports fandom. That you can be a lady kangaroo and they didn't lipstick her up or put her in weird clothing.

Right, I wouldn't even know. You wouldn't even know. It's just, there's not that many differences in the wild between... Although she is gyrating. Are you saying that that's an... I've seen some male mascots gyrate. Well, there's something in there. I'm not... Well, anyway, I don't want to... Don't look at me. Sorry. Ever since I found out that the kangaroo was female,

I've gotten really uncomfortable with my out that the kangaroo was female, I've gotten really uncomfortable with my observations about the kangaroo. You into the kangaroo, Papa? I'm just saying. I'm so happy we've talked about this. Let's talk about all the lady mascots. My favorite thing is when a school just adds lady in front of their mascot. The lady bears.

The lady volunteers. The lady vols, the lady cocks. Wait, is it really the lady cocks? No, they go by game cocks, but there'ss, the lady cocks. Wait, is it really the lady cocks? No, they go by game cocks, but there's merch that says lady cocks. People say lady cocks. That's pretty cool. I should probably buy one of those. Yeah, I was going to say that. That sounds popular. I would definitely buy one.

The really weird one for me is that Central Arkansas is the bear, the team names are the bears and the sugar bears. Oh my god, I'm going gonna throw up all over again. It's gonna happen. The Sugar Bears. Yeah. It's horrible. It's so bad.

And Akron avoids all these concerns by just being like, yeah, we're the Zips. Yeah, she's carrying babies in her pouch. She doesn't care. She loves our teams, our one-in-eleven football team and our extremely successful men's basketball and men's soccer teams. Which is to say that you are picking the Akron Zips to upset Arizona in the first round. Absolutely. Go Zips. I've been on the Goodyear Blimp. I will support Akron until the day I die.

Let's take your blimp south, Roger. I'd like to hone in on the UC San Diego Tritons. First of all, actually a good team. Like I'm not trying to take away from Akron or Uno. They're like top 40 on Ken Palm. They should not be a 12 seed. They have the guy who leads the nation and steals. They're like two point underdogs against Michigan as a 12 seed. So that's the basketball talk. This is their first tournament. It's their first year of eligibility since they transferred up from Division 2. Both the men's and the women's teams made it into the tournament. They were D2 last season? They were D2 four seasons ago and when you transfer up from Division 2 to Division

1 you have to take four years off and they were not allowed to play in the NCAA tournament. This year they are. They were incredible. And they are the Tritons. The reason they're named that is because you see San Diego, it's a pretty good school. They're host to the Scripps Institute of Oceanography, Oceanographic Institute, that has made a ton

of climate change discoveries. They wanted to honor that. And also at San Diego, it's on the beach. They have water and stuff. So they're the Tritons. Their name, their mascot is King Triton. He's the god of the seas. He's a guy wearing a, you know, I don't know why Poseidon and Triton are pictured wearing

like the same things that Greek people on land did because like you think the robes like the togas would be not very useful underwater. But all I got in my mind is you know the little mermaid. The mascot looks the same like their their costume mascot looks almost identical to the Little Mermaid version of Triton. A five crown cap and he's holding a trident which in the Little Mermaid like shoots out like fire and destroy stuff. Right. But the mask got unclear whether or not he can do that. I just applaud them for avoiding a lawsuit despite the similarities to this.

Ariel, how many times must we go through this? You could have been seen by one of those barbarians, by one of those humans. Daddy, they're not barbarians. They're dangerous. Do you think I want to see my youngest daughter snared by some fish-eater's hook? I'm 16 years old. I'm not a child anymore.

Don't you take that tone of voice with me, young lady. As long as you live under my ocean, you'll obey my rules. But if you would just listen. Not another word. And I am never, never to hear of you going to the surface again! Is that clear? I cannot possibly interpret that clip as anything other than an allegory for Lucy talking to her dad at a North Carolina, Iowa basketball game. I did not know she was 16 years old in that movie.

Yeah, that's... I'm on his side, like he was a little bit over the top, but like, first of all, humans are bad is like a pretty solid take Yeah, he's got it and like his 16 year old daughter is gonna go marry some Like the only human being she's ever seen before Like she's 16 and she's gonna cut off her tail and have legs like yeah little and he's like don't Yeah, he's overrated. He's overrated, he's selfish. A little desperate on Ariel's part. And he's very reasonably like, chill out, don't like go to the surface where you can't breathe. Can she breathe? Before we get to that,

Prince Eric also, I'm filing a retroactive lawsuit against you. Yeah, what's the age gap there? Age gap has got to be huge. Also, we're like ignoring the fact that like he can't talk to her. He doesn't even know what she's like because she trades her voice. That feels like the most realistic part of the male-female dynamic depicted. Yeah, you're like, oh, I love it. That is the most...

There are some problematic relationships in Disney movies, but... Prince likely of adult age with 16 year old non-talking mermaid. That's really bad. I don't know what Atlantis' age of consent is, but we are picking UC San Diego to Upset Michigan. When it comes to college basketball and March mania, the only thing that's for sure is that nothing is for sure. Talking upsets, buzzer beaters, Cinderella's advancing, top seeds going home early, it

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It's time for Tims. The Midwest. Do you feel like they did a good job with the four regions of our country being East, South, West, and Midwest? Like we never talk about like the North, but I think that's what they trying to get. Anyway, I think I'm thinking too much about the region. I would like to see a North versus South side of the bracket now that you mention it. I'd like to relitigate that in every possible facet of American life including this tournament. My favorite player in the NCAA tournament is in this bracket. He is not likely to win

nor is he likely to be successful at the thing which drew me to him. I'm talking about Wofford's, Kyler Filovitch center, led the conference in rebounding and field goal percentage, last place in the conference in free throw percentage. How bad are we talking? 28 at the time, he decided to switch from overhand regular free throws at which he was shooting 28%

to underhanded Commonly referred to as granny style free throws, although I'm not sure how that name I've never seen any grandmothers play it's a reasonable inquiry has any granny actually shot granny's style as we watch. Yeah Reasonable inquiry has any granny actually shot granny's style as we watch. Yeah So this dude is is large I should say he's a big boy. He's a center. He's he dominates in the paint So this this is like I he was shooting 28% Someone on his coaching staff had a connection with Rick Barry the NBA Hall of Famer the patron saint of the unhand free throw whose whose sons Some of his sons shot underhanded. He shot like 90% for his career.

He flew to South Carolina to teach our guy, Kyler, here how to shoot underhanded free throws. He switched in February. It's the last season of his career. He's a fifth year senior. This is his time to shine. It's now or never. He switches to underhanded free throws.

The ending of the story that you've written in your head. An inspirational tale of a mentor and a mentee. And the story that you probably clicked up in your head is that he switched and he's good at it. He's not, he still sucks at shooting free throws. He's shooting 35% from the line since he switched to underhand. That's an improvement.

It's an improvement. In the SoCon tournament, in the first two games, he shot one for five and then one for five again. He's really just kind of hooking it off the backboard there. It's not, it's so inspiring to watch him go out there, having like dedicated so much effort to this thing that can change this last moment of his career. And everyone is yelling at him from the stands,

calling him names, telling him, shouldn't be doing this. And he's still bad at it and he still persists. And he made it to the NCAA tournament. And this is what this moment is all about. These teams from all across the country, which are trying weird things, and some of them aren't even that good at them and They have this one day

To beat a better team and sometimes that weird thing they do works and you remember them forever and sometimes it doesn't and we We just move on it's it's just you don't see this in in any other We should just move on. It's just, you don't see this in any other league where you see the Giants and these people trying to figure out how to play basketball for the first time. I think this is, I mean, if there's any ambiguity around how different college basketball is from the NBA, just know that there is a center who is shooting 28%,

who hired a personal consultant who clearly was dying to be asked to do this. Yes, he flew from California to South... No one calls Rick Berry to do the thing that Rick Berry has been waiting for someone to ask him to do. You're right. The NBA, everyone has figured out how to play basketball. We've optimized everything. The teams, the shooting forums the the teams have the same I'm not saying it's bad. They're very good at basketball. They're extremely good at it. The product is probably generally more entertaining I'm fine saying that even as a college basketball fit the thing that's great about college basketball is

You have these 360 teams put some of them were playing like one three one zones and sometimes that works sometimes it doesn't some of them have guys who do not know how to shoot free throws. And then you throw them all in this one tournament and you see what happens. And sometimes the weird stuff works. Sometimes the better team wins. And this is what March is all about. And I'm a little bit emotional for our boy Kyler. If he goes out there and he shoots two for four in a surprise victory,

I'm going to cry. I'm going to sit in my house and I'm going to cry because of how beautiful it is. Wofford over Tennessee is the pick. Yeah, we've got a couple 15 over twos here, but cosmologically, it has been decreed. Lucy, you guys have been simpatico for most of this taping. Because we're childhood friends. But you have a take, Lucy, that I want Roger to hear. So, proceed.

So, Roger and I have obviously both spent a lot of time at sporting events. Especially college football, which is such a fun atmosphere. It's very lively, the fans are super into it. I think it's one of the best atmospheres in sports. March Madness is such a great post-season event. It's the best post-season in sports. I agree. It is not a good event to go to as a fan.

I agree. Except for the women, the women is great because you have home rounds. Going to a men's tournament is not fun. It's not enjoyable. Like it's a sport meant to be watched on your couch. So I think that like if I was in charge, which I'm not, haven't been asked. Yet.

I'm not even in the like the rumor mill for potentially being in charge. We'll get this aggregated. NCAA President Lucy campaign. No one's really in charge of that thing anyways. So like I could easily do it. So put Lucy in charge. That's what I'm saying.

But my like experience for this that I really think was so fun was I got to go to the March Madness tournament when it was the COVID year and it was entirely in Indianapolis. And so they only had crowds at like 20-25% which like obviously changed the vibe. That sounds like it sucked. It was so fun as a fan because the ability to have all of the games taking place within like a 45 mile radius. So when you're going to these games, like I don't mean to be rude, I don't mean to be disrespectful,

but I don't think people are going to Greensboro to hang out in Greensboro. Like I just don't think that's happening. And so ideally if we could like lessen the number of stops of locations I think it could could be so cool to like consume all the college basketball that you can't like we got to go to some like tiny venue in the Indiana State Fairgrounds and then to Lucas oil to watch a game and Then to the Fieldhouse to watch a game and then to Butler to watch a game. They had a game that I use it Yeah, yeah, at Assembly Hall.

It was like one of the most fun like going to experiences in my life because you really got to consume so much college basketball in a way that like, everyone was there to support their team but I don't think anyone had ever consumed so much basketball in person. Despite the fact that there was, you know,

20% admissions because of COVID, it was just such a cool system and I wish that they could find a way to translate that. Because the women, they kind of have it down. You have the host sites for the first round. We were lucky enough to go to Iowa last year and that was the loudest venue I've ever been to. So you have that fan engagement where I just don't think the fan engagement works the same

for March Madness because you don't have the ability to travel to a lot of cool places a lot of the time, you're flying out late. Like I wish it was just like in more condensed areas. I wish there were more games happening at different venues in the city because it was such a cool thing to experience. Now you say that, but we're looking at this photograph and this... Oh, we lost that game. I mean, just to give the visual on this, Lucy, who looks to be 15 and a half, is wearing

an Iowa number one jersey. Yeah, we were number one. Right next to you though, well, to your right is a guy who's not nearly into this to anywhere close to the degree that you are. But to your left is, who is that? That's Hawkeye Elvis. He's a really nice guy. Him and my dad are kind of in the Elvis community together.

What does that mean? So Hawkeye Elvis is like a famous Iowa fan within like Iowa circles and he just shows up to every game like dressed in these like super awesome Elvis like custom Iowa jumpsuits and it's become like his persona and he has a bunch of them. High production values on the costume. They're so nice. Does he like Elvis?

I would, I assume so. What a job though if he didn't. Yeah, it wouldn't be fun if he didn't. What a life to lead. It's just a whole personality. Just trapped in a prison of my own devising. He's like when he goes to an Iowa game like everybody wants to chat with him because like your dress is Elvis.

Like there are so many photos of me with him throughout my Iowa fandom. Because you see him, I'm like, I'm going to picture with Hawkeye Elvis. Come on, you got to go do it. What did you mean by him and my dad are in the Elvis community? I'm glad you asked. Good follow up. I am so... Let's hope my dad doesn't list to this.

He does not want his business out there, but I'm sharing it. So, Iowa has this race that they do in the state every summer. My dad hasn't done it for a very long time, but it's called RAGBRAI. It stands for the Register's Annual Guide Bike Ride Across the State of Iowa. So basically, a bunch of people will bike

across the state of Iowa over a week. And it's actually kind of a big fun drinking event. Like, it's a big party. And my dad and his buddies, they used to do it every year dressed as Elvis. And they called themselves the Riding Elvi. So the first time we met, Hawkeye Elvis,

my dad was like, hey, Hawkeye Elvis, I'm Rag Brite Elvis, nice to meet you. And it was the weirdest interaction of my life. That does feel like when the mascots of two different schools who are also the same mascot, but slightly different, do encounter each other. Yeah, it was a weird thing. And you were just like, okay, well, I'm glad you have your hobbies.

At the end of every episode of Publatory Finds Out, a show about finding stuff out, we go around the room and we say what we found out today. Roger, would you like to lead us off? I found out that there's someone in North Carolina that belongs in jail. Yeah, probably a lot of them actually. My tongue's kind of weird. What did I find out today? I found out that there's a mascot called the Sugar bear and that feminism has gone back like 75 years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I found out that your friendship, Roger and Lucy, can survive anything. Even possibly a macho waterfall of Lucy's vomit. Yuck. Still drink macho every day though. Some people when they throw up from something, they never have it again. I love matcha.

Good luck, swimming fire has taken that away from me. You took my dignity, but not my matcha. I also found out that the actual North Carolina ram has enormous balls. Huge. Did you look it up? It's like probably not safe to do on a work computer, but... This computer has seen a lot worse. And you know what?

The name of the stadium where we saw Ramsey's balls and there was a Panther ball testicle situation, the name of the stadium, it's BOFA. It's Bank of America. We saw the testes at BOFA and lived. I mean, I just want to thank BOFA, you guys, for joining me. This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out, a Meadowlark Media production. And I'll talk to you next time.