The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - PTFO - Share & F*ck Around & Tell with Michael Cruz Kayne and Katie Nolan

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

Did Pablo "win" his "beef" with Bill Simmons? Why are baseball broadcasts so dick-centric? How bad is it to touch the Stanley Cup? And how good can you get at an instrument in a week? Plus: Zoogle, Skyrizi, Gary Peyoteon, redding-wing eczema, Bouilliabaise Mode and a sick kitten to a hot brick. • Subscribe to "Casuals with Katie Nolan" https://www.youtube.com/katienolan • Listen to "Sorry for Your Loss" by Michael Cruz Kayne https://www.audible.com/pd/Sorry-for-Your-Loss-Audiobook/B0CGJSXSPF Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm Pablo Torre and this episode of Pablo Torre Finds Out is brought to you by Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale. Exceptionally smooth cognac for all your game day festivities. Please drink responsibly. Because today we're going to find out what this sound is. Right after this ad. Whether it's a family member, friend or furry companion joining your summer road trip, enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety. During Volvo Discover Days, enjoy limited time savings as you make plans to cruise through Muscogee or down Toronto's bustling streets. From now until June 30th,

lease a 2025 Volvo XC60 from 1.74% and save up to $4,000. Condition supply. Visit your GTA Volvo retailer or go to volvocars.ca for full details. Hey, so what did you want to talk about? Well, I want to tell you about Wigovie. Wigovie? Yeah, Wigovie. What about it? On second thought,

I might not be the right person to tell you. Oh, you're not? No, just ask your doctor. About Wigovie? Yeah, ask for it by name. Okay, so why did you bring me to this circus? Oh, I'm really into lion tamers. You know, with the chair and everything.

Ask your doctor for Wakovi by name. Visit wakovi.ca for savings. Exclusions may apply. I'm fixating on an old song that I've rediscovered. I can't stop listening to it. I mean, what is this? Uh-huh. Something about you by Level 42, which I'm fading out for legal reasons.

Come on. I would just want to vibe to that. It's so good. It's such a vibe. What's it called? Level 42? That's the band. I was gonna let it get to the chorus so people could know they've heard it before, because

I promise you both have. We can skip to the chorus. Ah! That bass is filthy. I love a bass. We love a bass on this. Is that a Sharon Tell or is that just a snack for you? It's just a bass. We love a bass on this.

Filthy. Do-da-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot. Is that a sharing towel or is that just a snack for you? It's just a snack. Is this a sharing towel? It is a literal snack pack. I guess it is. I was told to bring it.

Don't open it! What's going on? Okay, I'm jumping in here to say that if you watch PTFO on YouTube, you probably know that the Nintendo-adjacent style sound effect, the doot-doot-doot-doot that you just heard, visually triggers an actual role-playing game style menu with a little animated version of me who explains stuff. Which is why, internally, the PTFO staff calls these voiceovers that I do RPGs. Anyway, I say all of this because Katie Nolan's question today, what is going on, is a good one.

Numerous PabloToryFindsOut observers have observed that we have always chosen the Pablo Explains menu option, but I have never actually selected the second option that is shown right beneath Pablo Explains, which is simply, fuck around. But after repeatedly forcing Sharon Tell regulars Katie Nolan and Michael Kroos-Kane to be guinea pigs in what some critics have called the future of journalism, and still others have called your stupid Bill Belichick Jordan Hudson episodes, I realized something. I realized that it was probably time to just f*** around. I've somehow explained less about what we're doing here today than I have in previous episodes,

which I also explained nothing right? Which is not just crazy. I have been reflecting. Okay, and I think I owe you guys Yeah an episode where we just get to chill We're surprises in the center of the table. No, I sent a group chat to you guys and it was just hello and Katie's response was, uh-oh. And I was like, we need to re-establish our friendship. Anytime I hear in this group text, I go, oh Jesus Christ, what'd she do now? Yeah.

But this wasn't about, it's not about her. Well, so technically, it has been now 50 days since our many, many, many, many, many public records requests were filed and not fulfilled. Oh no. So that is happening in a parallel track alongside this. North Carolina administrators, if you're listening to this and- Come on and raise up. Raise up.

Take your shirt off. Heels up. What do they say? They must have a thing. Oh, what's their slogan? Heels up. What do they say? They must have a thing. Oh, what's their slogan? Heels up. Click your heels. What is North Carolina Tar Heels slogan?

Go blue. They have a song called I'm a Tar Heel Born. You want to listen to what that sounds like for a second? I do. That is not as good as something about you. Oh, it doesn't have the lyrics spoken. Maybe you could sing them. You get the gist.

I'm a Tarheel born, I'm a Tarheel bred, and when I die, I'm a Tarheel dead. Dead. Nice. Wow. It's Tarheel because they wouldn't run, right? They were brave. I think that's why their card called Tar Heels. I just figured they made Tar. I thought it was because they were being attacked. Because it goes in the cigarettes and they made those.

I ain't going to flee. My heels are stuck right here. Did you Google it at all? Or that was just all you put that in there? That's just all rattling around in here instead of like, you know, information that I need. That's where I got it. Tar Heel State. Okay, here we go.

And as early as the colony in North Carolina became an important source of the naval stores of tar, rich and turpentine. Nope. Nope. Which they then put in the cigarettes. Didn't they? I'm not seeing that quite yet. Well.

What about heel though? What about tar heel? Here we go. The troops from though? What about tar heel? Here we go. The troops from other states call us tar heels. I am proud of the name as tar is a sticky substance and the tar heel stuck up like a sick kitten to a hot brick while many others from a more oily state flipped to the rear and left the tar heels to stick it out.

This is from an 1863 article in a Raleigh newspaper in which a Confederate soldier from North Carolina is quoted saying what he just said. The tar heels stick it out. A sick kitten to a hot brick. Sick kitten to a hot brick. That's bars right there. Yeah. He was dropping, as they said at that time, some bars. You are praising a Confederate soldier's bars. Whoa, not me. I'm distancing myself from anything he just said. Look, I don't agree with stuff that they say, but the rappers from the Confederacy were incredible. I don't think that's true, actually. So I have a snack pack. We have a container of something that Katie does not know, but I know and Michael knows. I barely know.

I just thought it was a, what's the one everyone's playing? Pickleball? Yeah. It's not a pickleball hitter. It's a violin? Nope. Okay. It is what it says, but that's not gonna that's not gonna explain that's not gonna help you it says Um

Omnicord omnicord. Oh, is it a um, ukulele? No, okay. Sure What are we doing here so far so good? What's the purpose today? So that meats not gonna open is it? Um, I So far so good. What's the purpose today? That meat's not going to open, is it? Honestly, I'll eat a gusto pack. I'm not afraid to. So much of my diet is gusto packs. Small batch artisanal meats.

Oh, gross. Smooth von Tina cheese, artisanal crackers. Gross, gross, gross. Genoa, mild salami. Gross. Snack pack. Keep refrigerated. Is that the one with the chocolate?

Oh, it's got a little fruit bar. It's got a fruit bar. There's no fruit bar. This is just cheese meat. Oh, just crackers. Oh, crackers. Straight protein and dairy and some artisanal crackers. No.

Yeah. This is the adult lunchable. Yes, very true. We have a lot of those in my home. Probably much more expensive. You got some? Oh, yeah. A lot of salt in there, baby.

Oh, yeah. Don't let me forget I'm putting this on the ground. Okay? Okay. I'll try to remember that. That's a disgusting place to rest your lollipop stick. Well, there's no trash in here. Yeah. There's never been a trash in here, which is crazy.

We are... Where are the receptacles? Thank you. We're like Japan in here. Yes. Japan, you know what I'm talking about? No. No trash cans?

No trash cans. But I believe that we are like Japan. We're like New York City during a marathon. Just peeing our pants. Yeah. Walking your dog and then you realize like, oh, something must be going on publicly this weekend because there's no garbage can anywhere. Is the whole episode going to be what we're doing right now? Because honestly, I'm great with it.

I guess so. I didn't get high enough. I'm hyped. Yeah. I didn't get high at all. Damn, that sucks. I don't usually get high. I don't really get high. I tell you what, the littlest and I'm so far gone. Great.

I'm absolutely obliterated. That's economical. But I don't, I never, it's very hard for me to find a place where it's like, I'm glad that I did this. Just take one hit, start there. Okay. Okay. Thank you.

You're welcome. What happens to you? What happens to me? Do you get scared? Yeah, I kind of, well, I often become like so far gone often. I hardly ever do it. But like so far gone that I'm like paralyzed. You know what I mean?

The very first time that I accidentally used a marijuana product, I was at a party and there were brownies and never even occurred to me that there would be weed in the brownies. So I ate like a few brownies. Cause I'm the type of guy who'll go to a party and I'll eat a lot of your brownies. Just to be, you know, conscientious towards the chef. Yeah. You made all these brownies. I'm going to let them sit here. You're the guy that walks in like the third time in the room and goes, oh, brownies. That's exactly right.

Well, I got to eat them even though it's your third of four. You put them into a big shopping cart Yeah, I make a big show out of it and yeah, I'll eat I'll eat a few so I ate a few brownies it was by a no and I was sitting by the pool and I was like I feel a little bit weird and then People were like you guys want to get in the pool and I was like, yeah I would love to get in the pool and then my arms and legs would not move and I was like I guess I'm here for a while. So that's kind of...

That doesn't sound bad. I rarely get the place where you're like, oh I'm just a little bit happier than I was. I don't think eating a couple brownies was taking it eat. Like that's like... No you're right. If I ate a couple brownies I would also be comatose. I guess that means I'm not good at... I feel like you seem like someone who's really...

You're a connoisseur. No? No. Dan is. I just... Whatever he gets, I go nice. And then I take a hit or two of it and then I go, I'm good for three hours. I got you. Yeah. See, I just don't know what I'm doing.

Maybe I need like a weed sommelier to show me how to make your work. Pablo could help. I'll be your sherpa. He brought a bunch of weed to my house with athlete names on it. Athlete names? Oh, you didn't even watch the episode, Michael. You would have been... Well, I did. Gary Peyotian? I mean that's the pun it could have been. It wasn't that pun,

but yeah that's close. So far you're one for one. It's just Gary Peyton. The glove. It's called Gary Peyton. It's not. Is that a pun? No, Peyotian was a pun. No, but I thought, oh okay, but there wasn't one. No. Good. But what about s***? What? The amount of times I come here and I forget to put my engagement ring back on is too many. Me thinks the fiancee doth protest too much. Yeah, I don't wear my wedding ring. And it's called a wedding ring. And I don't wear it very much. Why?

Because I have what is called... Because it's easier to cheat. Infidelity. Eczema. And so I get a cool little ring of eczema right around my hand and it's not fun to have that. Sure, sure, sure. As long as I, if I don't sweat at all, it's fine.

But if I do sweat, then it starts to accumulate under the ring. Yum. And this is also, this is like, how do you track metrics for this podcast? That's the kind of thing that makes me- This is going great. Yeah, numbers are going through the roof. Yeah, so I give myself a shot. Let's describe your finger eczema more. No

No, I want to get to what Michael brought us. Okay, is it food? No And I was told to bring it what you didn't tell me to bring anything. Yeah, I assume you're welcome Okay, I honestly I assumed you'd be bringing like some kind of obscure instrument also. I brought the funk. I thought you'd bring like a woodblock or something. As you can see, I brought the funk. You did, that's true. But people don't even know that. We were all funky now.

I know. We don't have the legal clearance for the funk. Okay, sorry. It might be free. It's Fair Use. That's an old song. Will Fair Use sound alike for the funk? No, it's not going to be the same.

We can do, the three of us can do an acapella. On whatever this is. Well, yeah, it's not acapella if we use this. Can you use, is the problem, you can't even license, like you can't sing the song, right? No. Yeah, you can't do anything. Well.

Is Level 42 litigious? I don't even remember them as a band. Well, they're gonna be litigious now that you said that. That was nice. We're coming for her. Is Level 42 really gonna sue us? Right. I dare you.

Level 42. It's like when Bill Simmons said, what are you gonna do? Fire me? And then they very much did. Bill Simmons said that and then next week level 42 sued him. I am sorry, by the way, to Katie Nolan for getting you sucked into a larger internet happening in which you were asked questions like, which side are you on? I've sucked it up and handled it.

So I need Simmons to do the same. It's weird. Pablo's investigating it. He's doing a fantastic job. So I'm team Pablo. And I assume you are as well. Oh yeah, but I picked you. It wasn't like it, there was no hesitation.

I noticed. He didn't even listen to the episode. I was still back and I was like, bro, come on. I don't know. Pablo got into a media fight do it back." And I was like, bro, come on. Pablo got into a media fight with another member of the media. His name's Bill Simmons. I believe we just talked about him. Bill Simmons took issue with Pablo's reporting.

And then we don't even cut it out. But Pablo then went to LA for his... Did you win the... No. He went for the what's it called? The... Peabody's. What a Boston way to pronounce that. Yeah, that is? The... Peabody's. Peabody's.

What a Boston way to pronounce that. Yeah, that is sorry. The Peabody's. Sorry. It's Peabody, Massachusetts. And he was out there in LA, so he did Simmons' podcast, like refuting Simmons saying that it was like whatever, sh**ty reporting or whatever. And basically during the episode, he was like, have you listened to any of the episodes that

the aggregated clips are coming from that you're referring to and Simmons was like Well, what I'd like to talk about instead it was a skillful move by Bill. No, it was not You can see right through it. So no then bill. I didn't realize that Pee Bodies the Pee Bodies had nominations I thought you just oh, no, there are nominations now. Oh, I know because I You have one didn't win. I do I have because I you have one. Didn't win it. I do. I have one. We noticed in your house. Brother. Yeah. We did. And was like, you know, he's a somebody. And I did the thing that Connor McDavid did that everyone got mad at him for.

I touched it. Oh, oh, that's a jinx that they touched the cup. You should neither touch nor hoist the conference trophies when those series have been won because the players, according to this footnoted Wikipedia page, feel that the Stanley Cup is a true championship trophy and only it should be hoisted. Yeah. It's... We're kind of pretentious hockey fans that way.

But it is what it is. It's a known thing. I'm just trying to guess further and further away from the fact that Michael has the thing that I... Eczema on his hands? Yeah. Yeah. By the way, I don't have it right now.

Don't give it to the cup. Right now I don't have it. Where is it? The eczema? Where are you keeping it? I don't have the eczema anywhere. Who's on first? No, you guys, I take a shot. I take a shot every two weeks. I'm a pharmacist.

Really? Oh, you do? Oh, I love pharmaceuticals. Wait, let me guess. Let me guess. It's, um, because it's nothing is everything. Now is the time to ask your dermatologist about Skyrizzy. Which is, um... Yeah, what is that one? Skyrizzy?

Oh, it's not that. It's not that. Damn, that is Skyrizzy though. Have you seen the one where they have the... Oh, wait, we did an episode about this. We did? It's not Skyrizzy. Damn, that is Skyrizzy though. Have you seen the one where they have the... Oh wait, we did an episode about this. We did? With Dupixxon. Yes, I must have s***ed you. I talk about it all the time. I love Dupixxon.

Do more with Dupixxon. That's right. How do you know all of the jingles? Because I watch TV all day. I watch TV all day. There's a commercial where they have baseball fans in a stadium chanting Farsega. Farsega!

Farsega! Farsega! Ask your doctor about Farsega. Farsega! Now there is one from a commercial that I noticed, I must not have been with you guys, but there is a pharmaceutical drug that is supposed to address a bent penis. Oh yeah, for, that's called Peyronies. The disease is called Peyronies. I cannot stress enough how this was unprepared by everybody.

I believe it's called Peyronies disease. I mean the level of quickness with you. Oh yeah! Sure, yeah. Peyronies. There's a good one and a bad one. Spandora? Yeah, I got that. I don't know. It is yeah. Peronies. There's a good one and a bad one. Spandora? Yeah, I got that. I don't know. It is absolutely called Peronies. Thank you.

That is the disease when a fibrous scar tissue inside the penis causes curved, painful erections. That's got to be such a bummer for Doug Peroni. You know what I mean? Yeah. For the doctor to be like, actually, you're going to be famous on this. And he's like, wait, why? What? Please don't. Don't. Don't do that.

Name it after anything else. Can't you call it just Bendy Penis Disease? No, Doug, we're naming this after you. No, no, please. They need to understand how fibrous this scar tissue is. Oh my goodness, fibrous. I'm looking for the pharmaceutical. What the medicine is?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like just a splint? Xyaflex? I think it's Xyaflex. Damn. Xyaflex. What the, what the medicine is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like just a splint? Xyaflex? I think it's xyaflex. Damn. Xyaflex. Otherwise known as collagenase clostridium.

Adalindum, Ab. Histolycitum. This is so off the rails. What are we doing? What is this? What are the rails? What is it for? What are the rails?

Where, what's the... Are we a train? Are you saying that you're trying to straighten the rails? No, absolutely not. Are you saying that there's some fibrous tissue perhaps in the rails? If it hurts you should have it medicated, but I will say if it doesn't hurt and it curves a certain way, you could just leave it. Okay. That's just advice.

But just think about how... That's just advice. That's a freebie. As long as it doesn't hurt, you could just leave it. Doug Peroni, why don't you call in, buddy? If it's going side to side, probably take the... Take the Xycoflex. Right, but if it's up, you can leave it.

My main reaction was like, wow, this must be a common affliction in order for this commercial to be aired during the sporting event. They do a lot of dick centered stuff during sports. Yeah, this is like, this is where we're going to get them. Remember baseball playoffs used to always be, what's the one that's not Viagra? The one that starts with maybe a C. Sea Alice. Sea Alice.

Sea Alice. That's right. Remember when there was a... Nobody wanted to make that a big deal that you knew that right away. Took me a second because I almost said Sky Alice, but I knew that wasn't right. Sky Rizzi. That would be embarrassing. Sky Rizzi. when you put them when you take them together. That's when you- Sky Alice. That's when you- That's what he called-

Nothing is everything is hard as f***. Hey you wanna get f***ed? Sky Rizzy. Sky Rizzy. But a flirtatious bird. Yeah. A Rizdub. Yeah you're right, we got it. Sky creature. When does the podcast start? So, Mr. Peyroni. Yeah. François-Jigot de la Peyronie. No. Okay. A French surgeon. Oh, it was the surgeon.

Oh, wow. And this is, I think, a real problem for the other Peyronis in this lineage because yeah, he's the guy who discovered, as it is described here, in duration of the corpora cavernosa of the penis. Cavernosa? Oh wow. You guys want to see a diagram? Probably not. Yeah.

But yeah. I do. I do want to see the diagram. I do. Wait, where are we? Where are we? What are we looking at? We're looking at the constituent cavernous cylinders of the penis. I'm sorry? What's the... Where are we looking at?

Is that the mushroom at the top? I don't know. What's going on? The glance. This is like an old illustration. I don't know what that is. My dad is a urologist. This is totally exactly what he would want me doing with this episode.

Totally exactly. Wikipedia-ing medical illustrations. Red Sox traded Raffy Devers. How is that? F***ing miserable. That must have been a real kick to the dorsal veins. F***ing... It's f***ing miserable.

Let me close out some windows and open that one up. Close out some of my penis tabs. It has made me so miserable and yet I brought it up because I don't want to talk about curved d*** anymore on this podcast. Looking for a way out, she brought up her own deepest pain. And that is losing my ears. Sounds like there should be a pharmaceutical product for what you're dealing with. I know.

I think there's a lot of them. I think they have, yeah, there are a lot of them. I think I'm going to take them all at once. Well, let's not do that. What if- That feels a little severe. What if instead we unzipped something else? Michael... I believe has been spending his days when he's not around us

doing something that we should enjoy now when he's not around us doing something that we should enjoy now that he's here with us. Okay, so a friend of mine, a comedian, had an Omni-Cord in her office. I'm supposed to know what that is? And I started playing it and I thought, oh, this is so fun. And then I bought one. How much? Price point?

It's like $750. Okay. That's kind of expensive. I love this. Below $1000. And I got it like a week ago. Okay. And I also... I think since the last time I saw you guys, I broke my elbow. Did you know that?

What? No, you seem like you're fine. I don't even know which one. My left elbow. So I've got some limited motion. How did you break it? I was playing b-ball with the youths. And I'll tell you guys, I was fucking saucing these kids up.

I bet. So I watched... I bet. I've been saucing these kids up. I bet. I was actually ruining them. I've been grinding some Michael Cruz Cain game tape. Yeah. What I love about Michael Cruz Cain playing basketball is that he wears sweatpants. Okay. I do sometimes. I do sometimes. Why? I'm not afraid to do that. Well, just whatever's clean.

Okay. And it doesn't have to be that clean. Whatever's around, I'm gonna wear. Basketball pants. Common. But he's got a J. I was absolutely... Wait, what are you even talking about? Where have you seen me play basketball? The same place. On Instagram?

That I saw you play an omnicourt. I was so- Your window. Let me tell you this story because it's worth it for this podcast. Okay. I was saucing these kids up, absolutely ruining some 20 years.

You're sky-rising them. I'm feeling so good. So you know what I do? Something I haven't done in 10 years, I sprint from one end of the court to the other end of the court and I'm calling to the ball. I'm saying, I'm telling the guy. Hit me. I'm going.

I'm like send it. I'm driving to the hoop. I see that I'm tracking the ball with my eyes. I go to catch it. I'm fully extended. Oh no. A much bigger, stronger, faster, younger man is doing the same thing I'm doing. Not a good idea.

I leap off the ground, must've been one, maybe 0.5 inches off the ground, get absolutely mauled by this younger man. My legs go over my head, and I catch myself with my arm extended, fracturing the radial head of my elbow. I'm kind of rolling around the ground for a little while. Everyone's like, are you okay?

And you know, you don't really know how injured you are right away. I was like, I think I'm fine. So I play one more play. No, we're down by two, Katie. Damn. Your boy gets the ball on the wing. Wet games over. And I go, you guys, I think I gotta go. I think my radial head is. And then I left. I think honestly, I think I've changed those kids' lives. Yeah. Anyway, I've been spending a lot of time not playing basketball Trying to learn how to play the Omni-Corp. Great. My god. So that's that's this is it. It's right here You said you said okay computer. Nice. Nice. Nice

I don't know. You called the Karma Police. That's good. That's Radiohead. Oh, now I see. I got you there. I knew that it was radio head. Of course. But I didn't get radio head. Right. But you guys are both. Because they sound so different.

So I can see why it took so long. You thought we just left you high and dry. Whoa. I don't even know. I don't know what that is. That I know. Of course. Man, well.

Anywho. I'm feeling like a real creep. And that's too much. Is it too easy? No, that's good. No, that's good stuff. Those are all the ones that I know. That's the best stuff.

TV talk show host on mute. Talk show on mute. Are you stroking out? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and of course talk show on mute. That's a radio head. We're doing radio head songs.

Is it a radio song? I think so, but I can't remember the order of the words. Alexa, tell me if Talk Show on Mute is a song. Talk Show on Mute is incubus. Oh, f***. Wait, then what's the one I'm thinking of? TV... On the radio.

No, that's a band. Video killed the radio star. Sorry, can you do this? No. What do we do? Hold on, we gotta describe for an audio audience is a visual thing. So Katie, can you describe actually what this is? She's Googling radiohead songs.

Talk show host. Talk show host. Talk show host. That was the song I was trying to think of. You said it like you were trying to make Jay Leno appear. This thing. I don't think that's who shows up. I don't think that's the one.

Candyman rules. Omnicord by Suzuki. It's a motorcycle. By the way, I didn't know this, but the motorcycle company also makes all that other stuff. Yeah. Yes. It's truly, truly wild. What a company!

Yamaha, I think is also the same. Doesn't Yamaha make motorcycles and pianos? Yes. Yes. And like water skis? Water jet skis? Jet skis. Maybe.

Well, I just think like that. It's shaped like a bean. It's a little bean-like. Yeah. It's almost like the outline of a whistle. One side on the right side, the smaller, the tapered end, we have what appears to be a speaker. Yeah, that's right.

I don't know what this ribbed part is. That's called a strum plate. Okay, there's a strum plate. And then we have a couple... It's a silvery strum plate. That's the strum plate. But these are the controls for the strum plate. You know what can I tell you I'd say strumplet Strumplet. There are like a zillion buttons. Rhythm, chord, keyboard, strumplet, voice, pattern And then we have major minor the seventh and all the different chords across the top sure do okay so this is a push button this is like a keyboard but different it's like

a keyboard I mean honestly you know now now you know as much about it as I do pretty much so so so this also has an aesthetic of like what year do you think this was made 72 I think it definitely has the look of that and I think it is modeled after some some version of itself that was released around that time. But I think this is a relatively new instrument. It's a re-release. All the money you paid for it, it better be at least.

So you bought this on the internet? I used the internet to buy it. I said OmniCord buy, and I went to shopping and then I bought it. And here it is. Wow. Okay. And this is the OM108 model.

OM108. Yeah, so my daughter and my wife went to El Paso to see Coldplay with my brother and his girlfriend. Okay. And you were not invited. I was neither there nor was I invited. So I was at home and I taught myself to play the beginning of one Coldplay song on here. Nice.

Oh, I think I watched you doing this on the internet and I couldn't watch it so I changed. I think I scrolled past. Couldn't watch it because it's like so cringe. Yeah. No, no, no. It's because it was so good and I was like, I'm not ready for this. I think I had just had a little bit of drugs and was like, I don't think he needs to look in my eyes and sing. I don't think I need to have him this. I think I had just... Definitely. That's what happened. Had a little bit of drugs and was like, I don't think he needs to look in my eyes and

sing. I don't think I need to have him look me in the eye and sing, personally. And then I guess Pablo saw this video, which I think, having looked at it, I think maybe a hundred people have seen. Nice. It's been shadow banned by Instagram, rightfully. People can't see this kind of stuff. Too hot for TV.

I made immediate direct eye contact with it. Yeah, sick. And then you want him to do it live? And then for some reason you had me bring it here. You did! But what I wasn't sure about is like... Hold on, just in my defense, okay? You're saying if, I don't know, some other trio friends you hung out with, one of them

bought a musical instrument and displayed a proficiency with it, you wouldn't have follow ups? No, I sure would. I would, I would. I don't know. If Katie bought a theremin, I'd be like, bring that shit in. That's what I thought would happen.

What I thought would make sense to me is you were like, Michael, you bring your Omni chord, Katie's gonna bring her theremin. I've got, you know, a glass kazoo. A pan flute. A pan flute. And I will play it like Zomfier, the master of the pan flute. And together we'll play together. How are you even gonna zoogle that?

Look that up on Zoogle. We just replayed Katie dismissively saying zoogle. How are you even gonna zoogle that? How are you even gonna zoogle that? Zoogle it! Replay Katie! Dispensibly saying, Zugle? How are you gonna Zugle that? How are you even gonna Zugle? Zugle. Ha ha ha! Zugle it!

Zamfear? How are you spelling it? Zomfear? George Zamfear. Oh, it's exactly how you would have spelled it. My god. Wow. Master of the peon flute.

Hello darkness, mild friend. Zamfear, man. Jesus. Romanian. Okay. And alive. 84 years young. Capital of Romania.

And he's known as... Bucharest. Yeah. He's from Gaesti. That is it. But... Okay. Sorry.

Play your f***ing thing. Let's go. The master of the pan flute is Zamfir, the master of the omnicord. Well. It's not. I'm not even good at it. I'm not, I've had it for a week. I've had it for a week. I'm better at the piano than I am at this.

And I suck at the piano. Yeah. Woo. Am I bad on the piano? Do you, did you ever take piano lessons? No, but I had a boyfriend who was super into Billy Joel. Sure. Once taught me a Billy Joel song.

Cease From Italian Restaurant. What song? It might have been. Good Night Saigon. No. I think it was a doodly doodoo, doodly doodoo doodoo doodoo. I think that is Cease From Italian Restaurant. Doodly doodoo, doodoo doodoo doodoo.

Yes, that is it. Yeah. So I used to be able to do that. I could not do that now. That feels like a relatively complicated first thing. It was incredibly complicated. This guy sounds like he rules so far. I knew how to do it.

And that boyfriend, Billy Joel. Yeah. Yes. That feels like a relatively complicated first thing. It was incredibly complicated. This guy sounds like he rules so far. And that boyfriend? Billy Joel. Yeah. Yes. He was a big Billy Joel fan. And his name was Billy Joel. No relation. None. Try as he might. He's really QAnon now, that ex of mine. I recently saw him reposting Newsmax and I was like, Jesus, I got out.

Oh boy. What's his name? We can Zoogal it. I got out. Look him up on Zoogal. My internet search history is- It's whacked out. It's real crazy.

I'm on a terror alert list of some kind now. So no, I never took any piano lessons. I played clarinet in middle school. Really? Mm-hmm. What was your go-to song? Oh, I don't know. Whatever we were playing that week. But I I played clarinet. Really? In middle school. What was your go-to song? Oh, I don't know. Whatever we were playing that week. But I was second clarinet. That's pretty good. Yeah, it was decent. How many clarinets were there? I don't know. Five. Two. Or maybe two.

I got to sit in the second clarinet seat. I had solos. You didn't think of going pro with it? No. I couldn't even tell you why I chose clarinet. I don't remember at all. I just, I loved it. It's a beautiful instrument. It's like a girly oboe. Yeah. A she oboe. Yeah. I took piano lessons. Nice. I can play one song. Chopsticks? No, I can play, well, yes, two songs. Chopsticks and Für Elise. Nice. By an artist you may have heard of before. Sting. The police. It's actually the police. Yeah, I can-

For Elise is who? It's Mozart? It's, I think it's Beethoven. I think Beethoven. Beethoven. We're going to Ibiza? Crazy. The Beethoven.

Crazy. I had a little Yamaha, a little white Yamaha keyboard. I wanted to play piano. And I remember once I saw it when I saw Home Alone. Somewhere in my memory. Remember that song? Nope. Oh, yes.

I went upstairs and taught myself that on my little... But it wasn't knowing piano. It wasn't like making it sound good. It was going... But even that... But that's pretty sophisticated to be able to hear it and be like, I can play that. I don't think it is. A lot of people can't do that.

A lot of people can't hear a song and go, I can match it to this. Is that perfect pitch? Yeah. Are we finding out right now that you're a musical savant? Are you... Beethoven? Yes. So that's my...

Stevie Wonder. That's the extent of my music. Sheevy Wonder. And then I tried to play guitar when I was in college and my hands are too small. What were you trying to play, Billy Joel? No, John Mayer. That was when I was in my John Mayer phase. And so the song I could play, again, to start way too difficult than like easy chords.

There's a John Mayer song called Comfortable. And the beginning of it is like this very beautiful, complicated. And I could play that. I couldn't now, but I could then. I feel like we're learning you're secretly really good at instruments. I don't think that I am. I think that I start. She can accurately describe. I think that I start them and then I stop them. At Desjardins Insurance, we know that when you're a building contractor,

your company's foundation needs to be strong. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Desjardins.com slash business coverage. Spring is here and you can now get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats.

What do we mean by almost? You can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken parmesan delivered. Sunshine? No. Some wine? Yes. Get almost almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. See app for details. Now tell me how this works. I don't understand it. Okay, well I don't understand it either, so we're gonna find out. Let's point, let's do this thing where we point your microphone, Katie, at it. Okay. And we'll point this microphone at us.

People who actually know how to use this instrument are going to be sad about this. Oh, there it is. Okay. And then, well, I mean, I'm just sad about this. Come see for yourself. Oh, there it is. Okay, and then, well, I'm just gonna play it. So like, cool, it does like. I feel like we're your backup fan. It's Darry's life. Do, wop, wop, do, wop, wop.

Oh! Oh! Oh! I love this instrument already. Check it out. Oh! What! I love this instrument already. Check it out. What? I mean, is it just fun?

And the thing is that a dog could play it. Nothing changed. Nothing. This is like if Chris Martin was in Zelda. How do I make it funk? That was basically the chords of Fix You. Thank you so much. How do I make it funk?

That comes, that happens. He's twisting knobs. Ooh, yeah, the dance remix. And then if you want other rhythms in the background. This is the same rhythm, it didn't change. That's rock too. This is just an ad for the Omni Chord. But you need the chords to be playing.

So I think... Booyah Bass? Oh, bossa nova. Booyah Bass. Activate Booyah Bass mode. And that my friends is everything I know about the Omnicord. Now you know everything I know. There are other things you can do on it.

See this button that says keyboard here? Yeah. What does that do? I don't know. Great. Great. That's a great question to ask. I haven't had long enough to know.

They're yelling at me that I need to take my mic back. Okay, you have it. That was cool. I don't feel like I know it any better. This is... I like this part the most. Can we do that more? And what's the little one for?

Oh the little one little watch the little one Like whatever is happening the little one goes stop Little makes it all stop Okay, and you know that this instrument Was designed by someone who had a child because then at some point they had to put a button on it to be like, it makes it just stop. Brilliant.

What are your, oh, so have you unveiled this to your kids? Well, they all saw the Instagram. I would say that my children approached it with apprehension, but have taken kind of, have taken an interest in it because it is a thing where like you go to a song that you like and you see the chords and you're like, and now I can play every song. And now I just push the button. You don't have to figure out how to make your fingers do that.

You just go boop. It's a really great intro to playing music. Yeah. There's a whole subreddit, r slash Omnicord. Cool. Did they post you in it? I hope not. They go, check out this guy.

Omnicording. Because it's going to be people in cool bands. Do cool bands use these? I don't know, maybe. Who uses these? I think the Gorillaz is Gorillaz. That's a band, right? Oh yeah, of course it's a band.

You don't have to do that. I think they have a song. I couldn't name a song that Gorillaz does. Yes, you could. I could? Yeah, Feel Good Inc. How's that go? Feel good.

I don't think I know. Oh, maybe I did. When you went down, I knew it. Thank you. How's that go? Doom doom doom doom doom doom feel good do do do do do do do do do do feel good. Oh maybe I did. When you went down I knew it. Thank you. But I think they have a song that they made on the Omni Chord.

Cut that out by the way. Show me somebody wailing out on the thing. Gorillaz, Clint Eastwood is an Omni Chord preset. Oh Clint Eastwood. Clint happy. I'm feeling good. I got sunshine. Oh I know that song.

That's them. Oh Yeah, you can make that you can make you can make that do that you have that I don't know what chords they are Okay. Well, I'll show you the screenshot. Oh my god. This is crazy. That looks different than yours Yeah, this is like an old one. He's got four little buttons. Yeah, that's that's probably the og omni cord do do It's but if you put it on auto mode, it will go through chord progressions on its own. And so this is the podcast? Just you wait until we reveal our... Jordan Hudson's here!

Mystery guest! She's here! in the FIFA Club World Cup. The world's best players, Messi, Holland, Kane and more are all taking part. And you can watch every match for free on Dazone, starting on June 14th and running until July 13th. Sign up now at dazone.com slash FIFA. That's D-A-Z-N dot com slash FIFA. Your business doesn't move in a straight line. Make sure your team is taken care of

through every twist and turn with Canada Life Savings, Retirement and Bene benefits plans. Whether you want to grow your team, support your employees at every stage, or build a workplace people want to be a part of, Canada Life has flexible plans for companies of all sizes, so it's easy to find a solution that works for you. Visit CanadaLife.com slash employee benefits to learn more. Canada Life, insurance, investments, advice. Man, okay, so I'm going to buy an Omnicord. Oh my God, really?

Are we all going to buy them and then we'll have an Omnicord and stuff? Yeah, guys, we're starting a band. A three Omnicord band? Where nobody plays anything different, we all play the same instrument. It's crazy. Press the button together. Do, do, do, do, do. Oh, man, this rules.

Okay, I would like to have Michael, though, perform the song using his voice. Wait, why? You want to make him sing for us? Was it mid-yong? Wait, really, you're gonna make him do for us? Was it Midyar? Wait, really? You're gonna make him do the thing live? I couldn't even stomach on my phone? Yes!

I have to look at him while he sings? Can I turn my back? It's no offense. Like the voice? Really, yes. And I'll spin around if I like it. But I really don't. We can do the voice style.

I really don't like looking at people directly while they sing. It makes me so uncomfortable. I'm sorry about it Don't you need to clean don't you need to clean can I even sing the song out here? That's a really good point I'm turning my chair just in case but he's making a really no no no we are going to I don't be sued by Chris Martin for singing this song and also be singing it badly Well, what if we're journalistically analyzing it such that we are gonna fair use, we're gonna fair use your rendition of this song.

So is it fix you? I think I know somebody who was one of the producers on that album. So maybe we could call him. Maybe they'll hire me. We got a new omnipotent guy. Does that make them more or less likely to live in it? Hey, you know that sound you've been looking for? Well, this is not it.

I would like for you to play it and then we can figure out if this is a thing we can air or not. Why? Because, because, because, because as Katie Nolan has turned her chair around, This is the voice! I need to journalistically establish that we're going to discuss this. Its contents, its lyrical value, its musical execution. Through the lens, of course, of how I intend this, which is as a dedication to Bill Belichick and Jordan Hudson. When you try your best, but you don't succeed. A dedication to Bill Balachek and Jordan Hudson. Oh my god.

When you try your best but you don't succeed. Oh you got it. You sing it. You sing it. I don't even know the rest. Honestly, I don't know all the words. Look them up. But don't look at me, you know?

Do you want me to hold the lyrics on my computer in front of you like a physical karaoke machine people my Filipino destiny People listen to this podcast More than ever actually. Oh my god. This is a real This for you. This is your this is your way of going. We got too many people listening to this Yeah, we're like what if you jet-skied over the shark? Let's call the herd. Let's um Let's have singing happen Too many people shark. Let's cull the herd. Let's have singing happen. Too many people here. Let's clear the room out.

Michael? This is true. It really is that. It's like, it's the me bringing my guitar to a party of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except in this case, the host of the party will not let you leave until he gets his dose. And girls are turning their backs. It's actually doing the opposite.

I feel like the rats that are being driven out of the city. Listen. Do you really want me to do this? I think it has to happen now at this point. Do you want me to open this snack pack? That's the backup plan. I can give you backup vocals. We've got a snack up backup.

That's all I got. So again, this has, this has a lot of like, um, long-term humiliation potential. Yes, it does. But this is not, it's not about you. It's about the music, Bill and Jordan. Now that I'm not understand for whom I think connection because I believe because journalistically speaking, I believe that this is a song that we can discuss in the context of journalism that allows us to use it for free use.

And this, the contents of this, I think are, I would say this is Jordan. But he tried his best and he did succeed. Or well, maybe we should let the song decide. You're right. You're so right. Are we doing it or not? Because I'm going to throw up. Is this really?

Katie's going to look that way. I'm going to look directly at Michael. I am vibrating with anxiety. Just thinking about all the ways that people will be able to make fun of me forever. I mean, I already posted a video of myself doing this on Instagram. Which was crazy. Which was kind of a cringe thing to do from the outset. No.

That wasn't cringe. It was bold and brave. Just not for me. It just wasn't for me. This is going to be the last time we see each other. Probably. This is it. I've had so much fun.

I love that friendship. You've had a good run. This is it for us. We really did. As a show. Five, six, seven, eight. This is it. You've had a good run. This is it for us. We really did. As a show. Five, six, seven, eight. Oh my god. Why are there more microphones?

Okay, let's just, we're really gonna do it? Let's just do it. Yeah, let's just do it really fast. Do it at the pace that the artist intended. What the hell is this show? It's also not, it's not a good key for me. I should probably learn how to play at a different key. It's too high.

Oh, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. at the pace that the artist intended. What the hell is this show? It's also not, it's not a good key for me.

I should probably learn how to play at a different key. It's too high. Also, I haven't warmed up my voice. I haven't had any tea today. When you, when you, okay, let's just start over. When you, when you try, okay. Fuck me, all right. When you, mm-hmm, when you try, okay, mm-hmm. Fuck me, all right.

All right. Ha ha ha! When you try your best and you don't succeed. When you get what you want but not what you need. Well, that was a nice little run. I'm not turning around yet. When you feel so tired but you can't sleep. Yeah!

Stuck in river. Beautiful! He can sing! This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out, a Metal Art Media Production, and I'll talk to you next time.