The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - PTFO Smell Test: Celebrity & Athlete Fragrances, (Blindly) Reviewed

Episode Date: January 17, 2025

Since long before their weed strains and tequila brands, famous people have been selling vanity fragrances. So, with a month before Valentine's Day, we're doing a pungent public service: Pablo, Katie Nolan and perfumier-adjacent lifestyle writer Lawrence Schlossman enter the PTFO laboratory with varying levels of sensory ignorance. The winner of our 11 mystery bottles, from Jordan and Brady's colognes to Taylor Swift and Britney's perfumes — plus, yes, Will Levis' sold-out parfum de mayonnaise — may surprise you. • Subscribe to Casuals with Katie Nolan   • Subscribe to Throwing Fits with Lawrence Schlossman and James Harris Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out. I am Pablo Torre. And today, we're going to find out what this sound is. It's fruity in the back. You get that like apple... What'd you say? It's fruity in the back. Fruity in the back. It is. Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back. Right after this ad.

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. Stugaccio, I want to tell you a story. I'm serious here. My wife and my two daughters, they begged me to buy a Peloton. So I bought a Peloton, and then I watched that Peloton sit in my office and stare at me. So you know what I did one day?

I looked at it, and so I decided to get off my ass and I jumped on the Peloton because no one else was using it and I paid for it. I mean so why not? Then I realized eventually that they bought it for me and I gotta tell you way more challenging than I could have ever imagined. Peloton coaches are walk in the walk. I love the coaches. I do the Grateful Dead one. It's fantastic. They have a sub three-hour marathon runner, military trained athletes, a former college basketball player, and so many other well-rounded coaches on their team. All this experience really shows in their classes,

which are never short of challenging, especially for me. So I jumped on it that first time. It was challenging, more challenging than I thought. And then I wanted to beat the bike. And so I kept jumping on it and I absolutely love it. I mean, I'm the only one who uses it, but but again they got it for me. I mean I had no idea. That's a little passive aggressive don't you think? Find your push, find your power with Peloton at OnePeloton.com. Now when we did the drinking based podcast we had a drinks expert. Do you smell for a living? No. Okay. Well. I don't know a s*** about cologne. Well I know about Jeremy Fragrance.

That's not true. Lawrence is underselling his credentials. I'm a men's lifestyle expert. Oh my god. Are you familiar with men or lifestyle? Both vaguely yeah yeah yeah and that's what you're my whole life and then in lifestyle I have a podcast that talks about that kind of stuff Lauren's podcast growing fits is one of my favorite non sports podcast I feel like I've heard of this podcast but it's not me on Instagram for me is it it's not a girl there's like we have a 1% women listenership, so... Yeah, I mean... Same, working at sports.

Congrats on your podcast announcements. Thank you. I mean, the number five podcast on the sports Apple chart. It's just because it's based on new subs. Hell yeah, good for you. We don't even have an episode. Don't even have an episode yet. Oh, wait! One last thing before we start, you guys. The Invisalign's done. Oh my god. Look at that. Katie's hot now. I'm un done it yet. Are you rolling on various things Patrick? Oh wait, one last thing before we start you guys, the Invisalign's done.

Oh my God. Look at that. Katie's hot now. I'm unapproachable. I'm now unapproachable, please don't approach me. I'm too hot to talk to you. This is the third episode in a trilogy that I want to catch Lawrence up on. Katie and I have tested athlete alcohol and we declared what sucked in your memory? Oh, I think it was... Oh Oh Michael Jordan's tequila was terrible.

So bad. Did you have the LeBron Henny? No we had LeBron tequila. The Lobos right? We were eventually very drunk. We drank a lot. You got pretty drunk. We got pretty drunk yeah.

Yeah. Charles Witson's we didn't like. It was basically as much athlete alcohol as we could get. Yeah. CJ McCollum's wine was pretty good. Yeah I think it was. I think vaguely that I remember that it was. I don't, uh...

It was one of the first things we drank. Oh, really? Yeah, so we have to go to the tape. It feels like it's in... enveloping my tongue. Does that make sense? It is. I feel it on like all sides of my tongue. This is good stuff.

Relatedly, Katie Nolan hasn't dumped any of the wine that she's been tasting. Cheese... Not a b***h. When I puked it all up, I didn't even taste that. Yep, yep,'s been tasting. Cheese. Not a b***h. When I puked it all up, I didn't even taste that. Yep, yep, yep, yep. That was part one. Yeah.

Part two was athlete weed. Right. With my fiance, Dan Soder, who is a weed expert. Yeah. Very funny man. Thank you. I'll let him know. And thank you.

I made him this way. Thank you for bringing all this great weed to our house. How much of it stays, would you say? Because you don't want to get caught carrying this much. You could get in some real trouble. Are you... Typical dealer. Comes over, smokes some of it stays would you say because you don't want to get caught carrying this much you get in some real trouble our typical dealer comes over smoke some of it eat some of your food plays your video this is a story everything you do and publish it as a podcast guys probably wearing a wire Gary Payton yeah was the best which best. Smoking that glove pack, dude.

And Dan cannot smell. Has no sense of smell. Was very upset today when I was leaving. Physically cannot smell. He said, tell Pablo I said hi. COVID knocked it out completely. So now it's like gone. But he also insists his taste is untouched.

And I'm like, that's not possible. What I know is that I trust his agency on his own senses and he tells me he can't smell so he's not here today. Useless. And so I was like who in the world can fill this third chair? Mm-hmm. And I said, okay who hosts a show that I love? Thank you. Check. Check. Who was able to convince me using the word Master Perfumer. Oh, yeah., he has some knowledge of cologne. Perfumier? I don't even know.

You did say that in the kitchen earlier. Is that a word? Perfumier? I don't know. He was referencing a guy. What was the guy's name? His name is Rodrigo. I don't know his last name. I met a perfumier named Rodrigo, and I was like, that's plenty. What else could a man named Rodrigo do for a living? That's the nose nose right there.

I believe you also said, quote, in a text, I know what I like and have gotten a lot of expensive shit for free. Yes. That is a living. Yeah, that's the nose nose right there. He's got a smell. I believe you also said, quote in a text, I know what I like and have gotten a lot of expensive for free. Yes. That is a fact. 100%. All right. Katie, what do you know about cologne?

Nothing. Yeah. Don't wear it. I don't want perfume. I guess girl cologne. Cologne for girls. But then again, like I get, I'm the man, the object of my affection can't smell. So when I waste my time smelling all nice for?

Just farting with impunity. Yeah, exactly. But I think I like, know if I like the way something smells. Yeah. Not afraid to say it. So, we have, in this corner of the room, 11 different athletes slash celebrity clones slash perfumes. They've created a whole system.

We're gonna blind smell this. Okay. Can we not call it just. Fragrances is what I'm being told in my ear by Rob who collected all of this stuff. Not to denigrate the genre. Are we doing it like they do at a counter where they spray it on a little thing

and then they waft it in front of your nose like that? You will see. We have testers pre-sprayed. Great. Each individually bagged. And we have reveals in which we will find out what it was. I hope it's not a plastic bag. Some notes.

Literally and figuratively. Sometimes the notes of plastic will get into the... Yeah, I wonder if this is how like... This is not an official method. It doesn't feel it. Okay, I'm being told to defend the method. There's a whole method. Sorry, boys.

There's a whole method. Sorry boys. Long before the athlete weed strain and celebrity tequila brands, famous people were selling vanity fragrances. And so I figured with about a month before Valentine's Day, that we might do everybody out there a service. So if you're listening to this instead of watching it on YouTube, what you should know about our method here is that Katie Nolan, Lauren Schlossman, and I are going into this whole exercise completely blind. That means we're gonna start by taking these pre-sprayed paper

strips of the Vanity Fragrance in question out of a Ziploc bag, at which point we will give our unbiased review of it using only our sense of smell, and we're not going to find out which celebrity it even is until the end of that segment when we open a sealed paper bag to reveal the bottle our producers bought for us inside. But, if you are in fact watching this on YouTube or the DraftKings Network, our producers are also going to try something a little bit different for you. Because they are going to show you the celebrity behind each fragrance early and completely silently

just on screen while we're doing our smell test so you can know and see how powerful or not our noses are before we do. This is apparently the experience our producers had while watching us tape this episode, and this episode, by the way, will keep escalating as we get deeper and deeper into this list of 11 mystery fragrances about which we know absolutely nothing, and that is for better and also, spoiler alert, for worse. We begin with fragrance number one. Oh, this smells like my dad 30 years ago. This is bright.

Sorry? Bright. Okay. Meaning it like perks you up almost? No, just fresh, bright. Smells like dad. It smells like aftershave dad. It smells like a bunch of dads rolling around in a field.

Yeah, it smells like dad camp. Get a little barber shop. Okay. Smells like suppressed emotional accessibility. But it does- Unrequited love and affection. But there is like an aftershave aspect to this. This smells like a family function that I have to go to and give a lot of hugs at when I'm mmm

hugs with men yes Does it smell expensive to you? Honestly kind of a little bit a little because it has this like here we go new money new money It has like depth in the back end of it. Oh, it like dips down in a way that you're like Oh, there's it's dipping. There's more to this. Yeah. Yeah. There's more to this than meets the eye, nose, ear, or throat. Yeah, that's... Nice. It's nice. I came in expecting like, I'm gonna sh** all over this,

and then I'm like, ah, this feels like kind of like the man that I once imagined I would be one day. Is it time to reveal? Should we put these back in the one bag? Lock them up. Or do we need to keep them for context? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put them in the bag so that we can Let's get some ASMR there Pablo

This is and I don't know the answer to this either until right now Michael Jordan Dead dad Did you say it smelled like no we? No, but we were talking about like male relatives. I said unrequited love and affection. Oh my god. Oh wow. I mean... Murdered father.

Yeah, smells like longing. Hold on. Listen, guy sucks at tequila, but... Look at this packaging here. Look at this. Yeah, exactly. Hold that. Describe it for the audience please. There's a debossed basketball in the f***ing glass.

Yeah, that you can put your thumb in. That's actually quite nice. I would definitely be holding it that way while spraying it. It has a flask aspect. This might pair well with like cigar smoke and beer pong. Rumors of insane gambling debt. Michael Jordan by Michael Jordan. Is an aromatic fragrance for men. So we nailed that.

The nose behind this fragrance is Steve de Mercado. That I believe is a term of art for the perfume. Top notes are Cyprus, grapefruit, lemon, cognac, geranium, cedar needles, Brazilian rosewood. CD-NID, that's fun to say. Middle notes, fir, juniper berries, lavender, FIR. I thought like that. No, I literally my mind went, I was like, I, pelt.

Incense, green tea, clary, sage, and cloves. Base notes are sandalwood, musk, and patchouli. That's all I smell I'm learning. All I get are the base notes because the musk... I got some of that bright shit up top though. I can see that. The citrus. I know no one said that, but I kind of... I think he did.

Did you describe what top, middle, and low notes were? But I will describe that for you now. Thanks. Because a top note, according to the increasingly terrible AI overview on Google's Iron Homs. I love that ****. I'm so lazy. I love that AI overview. It's so much worse. It's not right.

It's so much worse. Nothing I say is right anyway. Top notes. The first sense you smell when you apply a fragrance, also known as head notes or opening notes. They're the most volatile of the three fragrance notes and are made up of small light molecules that evaporate quickly top notes usually composed of citrus and fruity ingredients but can also include fresh herbs some light top that is a fragrance that costs

what do you think fifty five dollars fifty gross? It's $21.36. Wow, what a deal. It's so cheap. It smells great. It's the greatest athlete of all time. Good. I don't, that smelled awful. Honestly though, once you know it's a $20 cologne, it smells like s***. It smells like s***.

Does the silhouette of his bald head, unmistakably his bald head, embossed in also like some red foil, does that do anything for you? That's cheap. That's, like you buy this at a grocery store. That sounded cheap. This is a crowbill scalone. Damn. Now I'm told that between these scents we should be... Smelling coffee?

Palate cleansing by sniffing some coffee or your elbow. Is this like Maxwell House? And we confirm that this is an old wives tale, right? I'm being told to remind you guys that we have no idea if this actually works. They also advise you to smell yourself. Is that what you were doing just then? I thought you were like sneezing in a weird way. They say smell your own elbow. Number two!

Yeah, number two. Oh, this one smells very different. This hit hard, dude. Was this sprayed one second ago? These are sprayed two hours ago, for the record. It's very sweet. By our lab full of scientists. Aquatic. Definitely sweeter. Katie's right.

Yeah. So it might be, does that mean it's perfume, do you think? Maybe. This is striking me as much more feminine. Yes. Than MJ's musk. Right, right, right. You wear this to your quinceañera. This is, that's what I'm getting, 100%. This is a sweet treat.

This is like I'm reading a Red Book magazine and one of the pages is stuck together because of a perfume ad and I peel it off and it rips it open and I'm like, ooh. Yeah, this is like a magazine where the pages are stuck together for different reasons. Okay,'m like, oh. Yeah, this is like a magazine where the pages are stuck together for different reasons. Okay. All right, Pablo.

Shout out Victoria's Secret. It almost smells like a perfume that is by a celebrity that I know of, but I don't think it's that. Like a Jessica Simpson, Walmart, Sweet. I said Sweet. You said Sweet. You just said it louder. There aren't a lot of bass notes to this, is what I would say.

This is like the antithesis of patchouli. This is not a barbershop. This is- It's florally, but like not really. It's like lightly, it's almost like a gardenia. Like sophomore semi-formal. Like this is the scent that sticks in my mind years later when I'm trying to remember in my personal memory bank.

Sense memory. That's right. It's a perfume. This is feminine. This is distinctly feminine, whereas I felt the first was distinctly masculine. I agree. Alright, so I think we're all on the same page. This is a perfume.

So let's find out. Alright, this should be interesting. We're judging a cologne by its cover. Whoa. Ooh. Ooh. Excuse me. A... For boys? There are no words on this. Can you describe this, Katie? Cologne by its cover. Whoa. Ooh. Excuse me.

For boys? There are no words on this. Can you describe this Katie? This may be for boys. That's green. This is Seahawks perfume. The color of the liquid is green unless that's the glass. Nope, it's the liquid.

It is Mountain Dew colored and the... It is ecto cooler. That's right. It looks delicious. This is for boys. A product known as Avon untouchable Okay by Chris Paul Wow, I do regret my previous description How much you think this costs? Why is there no branding? There's

Good also good question. Did this drop when he was on the pelicans? What is happening here, right? It's so crooked too. It's like every part of it It doesn't sit right it sits and then also this So it's like if you're gonna do that then at least make that flush with the I don't know man. I hate it $12 Okay, what did you guys pay you guys paid? 15 37 probably 70 we paid 28 99 And you got fleeced. ["Sleeping On The Bed"] Folks, did you know that sleep is one of the most important parts of recovery? Whether you're a pro athlete or just looking to crush your day,

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The Sleep Number SmartBed can be adjusted to set your needs. Firmer one night, softer the next, giving you the ultimate recovery boost. And now let's talk about those sweaty, sleepless nights. The new Climate Cool SmartBed adjusts up to 15 degrees cooler on either side with significantly designed cooling programs to keep you comfortable and undisturbed.

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These are all wet. I don't know where to touch these because they're all wet. Ooh. Now that's different. This is very different. This is very different. We are redefining the spectrum of femininity, I dare say. That is a scented marker from elementary school.

Get high off the d***. You get too close to the blue or purple marker. That is a scented marker from, uh, from, from like elementary school. You get high off the s***. You get too close to the blue or purple marker. I'm gonna briefly huff the Ziploc bag as you would with... Yeah. Yeah. I gotta be careful. I got an addictive personality, guys.

Lauren's gonna take the Ziploc bag home with her. Next week you're just on Galaxy Gas. What color marker? I love that, cause I'm getting like what... It's, I think it's like the, almost like maybe the brown... Remember the brown one was always like, what is this? I'm not like a fan. Could you picture it on someone?

Because to me, even though it's making me think of a marker, if I'm picturing it on someone, it's a very older woman. This is a great aunt. A very older woman. The person who wears this fragrance has a padded toilet seat. And a small dog. I love a padded toilet seat. Like not to have and obviously the bacteria of it but

remember how nice it was when you had sinned. No it's the worst it's like sh** into a pillow. Which kind of nice. Not here to yuck your yum. If this is a cologne I'll eat my hat. I am getting the sense though why people are into galaxy gas though which I have discovered as a thing among kids and possibly adults. I've heard it's good. Allegedly. Don't use it. It puts holes in your brain. Okay. You're gonna whip it?

No, because it puts holes in your brain. Remember when we visited, we can bleep this institution out. Yes, yes! And they moved a pillow and a billion cartons. Shell casings? Shell casings of little CO2 cartridges. Katie and I went to a party because someone else brought us to this Mina? Mina at

And the floor was like a shooting range where they were just like hell yeah Gatling gunning like you're our future. You're our brightest. You're our best and our brightest So this is galaxy gas for your great aunt. We probably prescribed already do not like back in the bag It goes. Yeah, someone is wearing this. I am I am not into that person. All right, let's see what it is Katie Nolan. No, it's not Britney Spears. No, it's not Britney Spears. That's not curious. I You thought I thought why is it in the full box you guys no You thought? I thought. Why is it in the full box, you guys?

No! Am I thinking of a different Britney Spears fragrance? So apparently there are two different types of Britney Spears fragrances. Curious and curious love. Whoa! Wait, is the curious love in a pink round bottle with little green dots on it? It is. That's the one I wore.

So they're both inquisitive fragrances, but one is romance driven? I love that Katie wore a version of this perfume. I loved Britney Spears. I love Britney Spears. The curious woman, and this is capital C, the curious woman is romantic, check. Independent, check. Mischievous, check. You check about me? I'm romantic? Romantic, independent, and mischievous. One who's not afraid of risk

This is such a small bottle like you're getting so little under a product I wonder what the price then the damage on this for getting so little seeming I would say this is 40 40 bucks That's bottle 35 bucks. It's probably bottle, please a genie bottle, but it's which you know, Christina Yeah, but it's very like angular on the ends. It's like almost like a clamshell It's blue light blue 30 milliliters 30 milliliters tiny little guy like a diamond Maybe it kind of does like a cartoon diamond. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, this is definitely a Walmart thing. So I'm gonna go 15 definitely a Walmart thing. What do you mean by that? Because Britney Spears has to deal with Walmart, right?

Launching 04 became an instant hit with the public. Mm. The composition is based on the notes of white flowers, surrounded with vanilla and musk nuances. It opens with fresh lotus, mouth-watering pear and magnolia, the intensive floral heart. Pear. Pear is there for sure.

The intensive floral heart. Like me. Is composed of tuberose? Tubrose? Jasmine? And pink cyclamen? Cyclamen? Those are my three favorite Disney princesses.

Psyllocybin? That's what the wise men brought in Britney Spears' activity. Yes. Frankincense and pink psilocybin. The sensual base is composed of musk, vanilla, and precious wood. Sensual base? Precious woods. vanilla, and precious woods. Sensual base? Precious woods. Yeah, that's a lot, Britt.

It is the kind of scent that makes your parents want to control your finances. Oh, I was gonna say get divorced. Katie? Lauren said $15. I'm gonna say $30. Britney Spears. Curious. $16. Britney Spears, curious. $16.74.

Wow. Wow. This man knows what real America wants to smell. His finger on the scent pulse. Yeah, dude. I know they want lotus flower for 16 bones. Precious wood. Number four. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wow!

You guys spray these and put them right in the bag? Holy s***. Oh my god. Whoa! Yo! Yo, dude. You are waiting online to get in the club. This is...

Oh my god, you are talking to me about something I don't care about! This is gasoline! Oh my god, you won't shut up. I just got roofied by this fragrance. Oh my god! Crypto? This smells like crypto. Yeah, the worst guy. Oh my god.

It's tough to put near your nose. He still owns NFTs. Like, this is so bad. This guy had got one of those apes. This fragrance owns multiple board apes. Says diamond hands, unironically. This is a rough one. It's really alcoholic. I might have to tap out. That's

really, really heinous. That's not good. Yeah, you hate to see this fragrance at a college reunion. It's just too much. It's too much. I want to say European, but that might be too derogatory. It's a coked up business pitch. It's a like, dude, I think... I think we should talk about investments. I cannot wait to find out what this is. I know, I hope it's like... Oh, I just hope it's an athlete I don't like. Hahahaha! F*** yes!

Yes, CR7, dude. F*** yes. Cristiano Ronaldo popping out of this paper bag could not have been More perfect you're missing the operative word origins origins Holy he's described what the packaging of this is like. I'm so happy right now Our nose is just you would think that he would just go shirtless right? But he's wearing a shirt completely unbuttoned Yeah with the kind of come hither look that an Absolute moron is gonna snatch right off the shelf

This is we use that expression at the top where you push where you inflict damage I mean says CR7, but kind of looks like it says cry That is fragrance imitating life And I love that. Oh my god, that's f***ing brutal! Yeah dude, that is fragrance imitating f***ing life. This is a new fragrance, CR7 Origins was launched in 2022. Top notes are Bayleaf, Mandarin Orange. Bayleaf? What is this, a soup? Send this perfumia to the Hague dude, this is terrible.

Middle notes are Clary Sage, Lavender, and Geranium. Base notes are Patchouli and... Ass. Dog s***. And cheeks. Spread cheeks. and geranium base notes are patchouli and ass dog and cheeks spread cheeks how much what do you guys say I said 50 yeah 68 dollars 25 thank God thank God thank God okay Christiano you win this time Oh get it out it's real oh my god oh my god contain it where's the bag?

I don't know! we have a breach it breached oh god see how do you f*** it off our fingers Oh my god, contain it! Where's the bag? Contain it! Where's the bag? I don't know! We have a breach. It breached. Oh god. See, how do you f*** it off our fingers? Oh my god, it is on my fingers! It lingers.

Oh, don't smell my finger. Number five. Oh, it's cinnamon. Oh, it's spice. Oh, it's allspice. It's oldspice. It's pungent.'s spice. Oh, it's all spice. It's mmm old spice. It's it's pungent five spice It is like in your spice cabinet or rack where all the spices have been and they all kind of Voltron to be you know It's like every all spices. Yeah, this is the bottom of your grinder if you smoked spices. Mmm

Oh, it's settling in at a certain, the spiciness begins to wear a suit. Mmm. I'm kind of f***ing with it now. Okay, but then on the back, it's like sweet and almost floral. In the back, it's like... Yeah, this back. There's a lot going on. Baby, got it.

It settles in tenderly. Yes. Yes, it holds you nicely. We've been on a run of three straight ass fragrances. Baby got it. It settles in tenderly. Yes. Yes, it holds you nicely. We've been on a run of three straight ass fragrances. This is growing on me. This is nice. This smells expensive.

Yeah. This feels like a chance that you're taking, you're going out and you're like, I'm going to try to be this guy and I'm kind of intrigued by what this guy's life is like. Yeah, maybe some type of performative accessory. You know, a new hat. You try a hat, but you might take it off halfway through because you're crushing under the weight of it. This is the new hat.

Ordering a drink that you never order because you're like, this kind of feels right tonight. This is Cristiano Ronaldo's friend, who in comparison is the guy you want to spend the your night out with this is Cristiano Ronaldo with his shirt buttoned up just norm just being normal I think I quite like it I reserve the right to say I hate it once I see whose it is very good let's find out put it in the bag because we cannot have another it's Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes in the Guy Ritchie movies. I do think that's nice.

Guys? No. What is it? Yes! David Beckham! You sexy fuck. I think we nailed it. I think so too.

I think we nailed it. You know, David Beckham nailed it. Yeah. That's a really good fragrance, David. I quite like that. Instinct. Spice. What was the first thing I said when I smelled it a bunch?

Spice. Rewind the tape. Posh spice, I said. Wow. This is I said when I smelled it a bunch. Spice. Rewind the tape. Posh spice, I said. Wow. This is posh spice. And it is a posh smelling... Oh my God, I do love this.

Should we take a look at the bottle? I think we're really good at this. I think we should do this for our living. I'm canceling my podcast and I'm starting it. I mean, that just looks like cologne. Right. That looks like a bottle of cologne. But even the box, a classy box.

Classy box. The posh box. Many are saying. This is like his version of Tom Ford cologne branding, almost like exactly. Even nicer in the bottle, if I may say. Oh, yeah. Notes.

We're back to the vetiver. Bergamot or Bergamo? I think it's Bergamot, but don't quote me. Which is like a yellow fruit and orange, some are saying. Amandrine orange is another one. Star anise. Mm. Pimento.

Okay. Pachule. Yeah. Cardamom. Cardamom. White amber. I think we're missing the biggest thing. The juxtaposition between David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo just comes down to having

taste or no taste. This is a tasteful guy. Yeah. It's a tasteful fragrance. Yeah. Cristiano Ronaldo, no taste, f***ing gasoline. The scene in the David Beckham doc, which I did not watch all of, but just have seen that scene. The car thing.

Yeah, exactly. We're very working, working class. Be honest. I am being honest. I am being honest. What car did your dad drive you to school in? So my dad did... No, one answer.

My dad... What car was it? It's not a simple answer because... What car did you get your dad to drive you to school in? It depends. No, no, no, no, no. Okay, in the 80s my dad had a Rolls-Royce. Thank you.

So on that note, what do you think this runs? Yeah, this is expensive. On that floral note, I'm you think this runs? Yeah. On that floral note, I'm going to say this is a $60 to $70 bottle of perfume. Yeah, I'm thinking $75. Guys, this is $19.20. Come on! Go buy it! The best $19 you've ever seen.

Go out there right now and buy it. What a steal. Stocking stuffer for next year. $75 million. Are we way wrong? That's a deal. Is that a bad sale? It's a good fragrance. I think it way wrong? That's a deal. It's a deal. Is that a bad say?

It's a good fragrance. That's legit. This is currently the top-class leader. Yeah. Oh, without it, there's not even close to it. MUSIC Wow. What's up?

I just bought and financed a car through Carvana in minutes. You? The person who agonized four weeks over whether to paint your walls eggshell or off-white bought and financed a car in minutes? They made it easy. Transparent terms, customizable down and monthly. Didn't even have to do any paperwork. Wow. Mm-hmm. Hey, have you checked out that spreadsheet I sent you for our dinner options? Finance your car with Garvana and experience total control. Financing subject to credit approval. Number six.

Whoa. Yowza. All right, this needs to breathe. It's wet. This is very wet wetter than Bex got you Something else yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's cinnamon. That's oh I hate this that's heavy. Yeah, that is Elon as fuck My reaction to smelling this is like a meerkat popping out of a burrow Deciding whether to pop back down and I think I'm back in the burrow.

This is dirty. Sometimes you gotta pop out and smell fragrances. This is a little filthy. Okay, that is really not getting less strong. This is a turn for the worse. It's becoming more... It smells like a woman wearing a suit for the first time. It feels like the first time a lady ever was like,

women can wear suits as well. That woman wore this perfume. Smells like shoulder pads. Right. It smells like a shoulder pad, a big gold button. This smells like the full... She can have it all. She can.

Let's see it. If it's for a man, I'll be surprised. Gob smacked. This is a big package. Okay. Gob smacked. Oh my f***ing god. Oh my god, Tom Brady. I'm surprised. Gob smacked. This is a big package. Okay. Gob smacked. Oh my god.

Tom Brady. I thought it was Chris Brown. I don't know what glasses on. How light skin is Chris Brown? No, Chris Pratt. I don't think about that. I don't say that person's name. Tom Brady.

First of all, Stetson Tom Brady. So collab with the hat company? Yeah. Damn. You got your cologne at the hat store? That's where my friend went to college. I'm not sure. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. that person's name Tom Brady first of all Stetson so collab with the Hat Company yeah damn you got your cologne at the Hat Store? My friend went to college Stetson. To learn how to make hats? Spirits of True Original Stetson the legendary fragrance of the American West a rich masculine blend of rugged woods and spice.

I don't know about that. This is a mess. Baby baby baby no. Incomplete. Base notes. Sandalwood. Musk. This is a mess. Baby, baby, baby, no. Incomplete. Base notes. Sandalwood. Musk.

Vanilla. Honey. Tonka bean. Tonka bean? What's that? Tonka trucks also make beans. Much like Stetson also wears. Tonka bell.

That's what you get at Tonka Bell. That's right. What do you think it costs? $12.99. $55. $30.47. This is the most expensive cologne so far. Really?

Correct. We've done a lot of patriarchal scouting of these fragrances. This is the first lady. This is a lady that we should respect. This is Dr. Jill Biden. God rest her soul. What? Dr. Jill.

Still with us. Imagine you find out that's how she died though right now. That would be hilarious. What? Sorry. Not Dr. Jill. This is soft and delicate and... I would like my laundry to kind of smell like this.

You know. Yeah. Or my like this, you know, yeah I bet or my bed sheets, you know, yes sexist again. I want to make me a delicious sandwich I want this to cook for me. I guess I could still be sexist even though I'm married but I'm not There's a subtlety Here this smells like how I remember that Britney Spears perfume smelling is this the romance version? I don't think they would do both I don't I these diabolical monsters. Yeah, really back. He's get that like apple What do you say? It's really in the back fruity in the back. It is guys grow up. It's fruity in the back. I

Like this. I like this. I like this. I like this. All right guys. Marry it. Why don't you Jesus? Sims this is for sure perfume. It's not gonna sleep with you. I'm sorry. I'm just being people on the internet when you're nice to a lady Hope she sees this No, I mean they're still correct probably but Mmm, this is nice. Yeah Light it's but also yes, it's light. But also feminine enough to satisfy, again, my most aspirational alpha desires. Yeah, okay. Pablo is fully torqued.

Because I look at Pablo and I think of his alpha. Oh, alpha. I like it. I like it a lot. Pablo's mad. I can't make eye contact with Pablo while he smells it. Everybody. Look at me! It's nice. It's light, it's floral, it's fruity. This is wonderful. It's almost like a peach or like a... This is like the drink you order at dinner and your friends are like

beginning to make fun of you and then you're like try it. They're like is that elderflower in there? You're like just take a sip. I bet you regret making fun of me now. Soft. Let's see what number seven is. Soft. Soft as baby s***. Wow. Jennifer Lowe.

This is me now. This is us now. Still. She did it again. She did it again. That f***ing J-Lo. She is still... What can't she do?

What can't she do? That's tracks. Be still, my heart. From the block. Katie and I have made fun of J-Lo in the past. I apologize. She popped out recently. I want to say it was something political in a brown outfit

that my jaw was on the floor. This is what a celebrity smells like. Yeah. It's called still. That's good. That's nice. I like that. Katie's contemplating making this her daily driver.

$17.99. My daily driver. $17.99. And this is my Adam driver. $17.99. I bet it because I guarantee you she's moving bricks of this. Mm. $20.

$26.23. And worth every penny I think. Very beautiful. Very beautiful. Very delicate. That's why you can't make eye contact with her. This is aspirational for a certain type of J.Lo head for sure. J.Lo, you did it again. Feed my kids tonight or f**king smell like J.Lo? I get that J.Lo off my nose.

This next fragrance needs to earn it. They can't coast on... So many have. They cannot coast on the legacy of Jennifer Lopez. earn it. They can't coast on, as so many have, they cannot coast on the legacy of Jennifer Lopez. Huh. This literally smells like the standard hotel in Miami. Pablo and I were talking about this this smells like they're like lobby scent. Which is definitely something way more expensive and better than whatever this is, but this is nice. Soapy. In a bad way? Yeah. It smells um, I very soapy.

I like a luxury hotel lobby. Yeah. We all know this. I like this. There is restraint. I credit this for its restraint. Are you getting perfume or cologne? I don't- it's unisex it feels. I'm a fan. And if this is cheap enough, straight to cart. Let's open up the bag. I'm really curious about this one. Wow! Why does Will Levis have a fragrance? Excuse me?

And why is it so good? And why isn't it called Will Levice Stinks? Read it more closely. Will Levice number eight. Hellmann's Parfum de Mayonnaise. Yo! They killed it! That's so funny.

Here's in the commercials, right? That's so funny that you guys thought. Incredible. Can you buy this or do you get it when you order a jar of helmet? So it doesn't smell like mayonnaise. It wasn't supposed to, was it? Like I don't... So it is, to Lawrence's taste and appreciation for the finer things in life,

this is impossible to find now. It's all sold out. You can't get it. Ah, there you go. Scarcity. You should take it. Can't add to cart. But they...

Smells more like mayonnaise up close. And now that I know that... Liar. Is it supposed to smell like mayo? Now that I've been told that it's mayonnaise. I don't know. Will Lavis, number eight, Parfum de Mayonnaise, opens the bright burst of tart lemon that provides a refreshing and clean introduction. At the heart of the fragrance lies a creamy, daring mayonnaise accord.

What the fuck? Daring? Daring? Creamy and daring? Creamy, daring, mayonnaise, accord. Like it's fucking Yelda. Did you need the ones? Yep.

Offering a smooth and complex heart. We're describing Laurence so far, by the way. I am creamy and delightful. And a complex heart. Parsley adds a fresh herbal element, reminiscent of a well-prepared dish, and of course, this fragrance would not be complete without subtle coffee undertones reminiscent of Will's signature mayonnaise infused caffeine beverage. Didn't get those at all. Sorry? Drinks mayo? He has a signature mayonnaise infused caffeine beverage. What? This is a thing right? He puts mayonnaise in his coffee.

Wait really? That's why they signed him? I'm the clevest quarterback at the University of Kentucky, and I have been known to put mayonnaise in my coffee sometimes. A sensual musk base weaves through the composition, evoking physicality and charisma. Finally, we finish off with a comforting, creamy vanilla finish that is equal parts inviting and intriguing. The vanilla was there. No. That's the hotel lobby.

I hesitate to say that Katie comes out looking great. Yes, for sure. Test. But it shouldn't be that good for what it is. They had no business trying as hard as it did. They put their whole **** in. **** into that. They're mussy.

Yeah. They're may-yo-sy. I mean, it is creamy and daring. No, absolutely not. Playoffs? We're talking about play, okay. That was my Jim Mora. But yes, you bet we are talking about playoffs in fact. So get in on the action at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.

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This feels like a lady to me. This smells generic to me. Like a platonic ideal of perfume. It's almost evasive to me. In a world in which people are screaming, I'm not even sure what gender this is, honestly. Enigma. A riddle. It's like a woodsy...

I have such a headache from this. Yeah. Just to be clear. Is it possible to be drunk off of smelling? fragrances When you picture perfume you pictured this smell. This is what you yeah you smell. Dare I say that it almost feels like it's like an algorithmic. I liked it more at first than I do now. This is a centrist Admittedly, I'm a little gun shy also because I was just praising the mayo fragrance. Dude, the mayo is better than this. I don't care what comes out of the bag, the mayo is better than this.

We can only find a sample of this. Oh, broke this. Oh my god. What is it? Driven by Derek Jeter. What? Yeah, that's her voice. We kind of nailed him!

Is this going in the gift bag for the ladies? Driven away from my home. It's an Avon. It's another Avon jam. Autographed baseball. It's sample of Derek Jeter driven. The captain? Boring.

I love, I grew up adoring this man, but I... Because he got ass. Man. He was clutch. Yeah, and he's a snooze fest. If you are a Yankee fan from Staten Island and you buy the Driven cologne and you put that on. You're gonna be upset.

You're gonna be disappointed. It's not hitting for power. You might do a hate crime. Still a Hall of Famer, to be clear. Unambiguous. We can't take that away. They won't let us. Thank you for clarifying. They won't let us. But if we could, we'd revoke it because of that sh**ty perfume.

Geez. That's not good. Not good. Just really boring. Not my cup of tea. Like Jeets. Yeah, Jeets. Yeah, Jeets. Number 10.

Oh, this is juicy. This is oh, geez. That'll get you. Oh, that's what the brandy smells like to me. Yeah, this is bubblegum. This is bath and body works. This is Jessica Simpson written all over it. Something like that. It's one of those for sure. This is fruity. This is David and Body Works. This is Jessica Simpson written all over it. Something like that. It's one of those for sure. This is fruity. This is David LaChapelle. Yeah.

Yeah, this is those Steve Madden ads where they used to make their heads really big and their bodies really small. This is a Bratz doll. This is no one over the age of 14. This is youthful. This is exhausting me just to smell it. If you are wearing this and you are not a 14 year old You should be arrested. Mm-hmm. You're gonna watch this is Brittany. This smells like the Britney Spears I know I'm gonna keep saying this like I Chris Hansen should walk in the door. Mm-hmm Now that we've broken this out of the ziplock. It's not as bad as they're making it sound

It's just very bright very sweet good instincts for you both to be repulsed by That's right scent of a child girl. I love that. Good job doing a great job. We hate this. We hate it. I can picture it bullying me. Oh. I am scared of it.

Mean girl. This fragrance is the reason why Katie got Invisalign. It ends really, really sweet. Like the more I'm sitting with it, the more it's like, all right, we get it, you're a 12. This is Taylor Swift, Wonderstruck. Just nailed it. That tracks.

Nailed it. That tracks. And I like T-Swizz, but yeah, this is praying on the parents of young girls who don't have the money to spend. Wonderstruck! Hahaha. Stupid. Ugh.

Thunderstruck, Taylor's version. Also, no, is this the real bottle? Just zero effort. It's a travel size. Yeah. It's a travel size. You know, you want to smell like Taylor Swift. You can go travel with someone.

It smells like a Taylor Swift concert. This is exactly right. Do you think that Taylor Swift smells like this? Hell no. Wonderstruck is the first fragrance from the young American pop country singer Taylor Swift launch in cooperation with the cosmetic company Elizabeth Arden Wonderstruck is named after the lyrics from the song enchanted. Mm-hmm quote. I'm wonderstruck comma and Cool portmanteau

Which tell about the feeling the impression you get when you first meet someone you like. Taylor hopes that her fragrance will be an essential part of many impressions in first meetings. What do you think wonderstruck Taylor Swift costs? I mean, it tracks, but I thought it would, this is, that smell too low end. I don't think she was a full blown capitalist yet. Yeah. How much she would sell it for, I will say, that size bottle? Yeah. $17.99. Yeah, how much she would sell it for I will say that size bottle. Yeah, 12 717 917 99

the travel size bottle is 999 59 99 what the fuck how dare you underestimate? full-blown capitalist Wonderstruck Travel size damn we've been wonderstruck. F***. That's crazy town.

That's egregious. Maybe that was... Did they deliver it to your house on a private jet? That's bad. Wow, that's interesting. That's the worst deal of the day. That being the most expensive and the smallest size, other than the Jeter one? And with the least appeal.

That is only for little girls. The last fragrance. Oh, good. Is number 11. Jesus Christ. What is that? Is that spearmint? Wow. This is potent. This is the most potent. I feel like this is...

Strong as hell. This cat calls. I have not smelled this since origin. This sits outside in a folding chair and whistles at me. Man, I'm afraid of this. This is an Elks Club. A VFW hall. This one has seen some things and done some things.

As I'm sitting with it, I don't dislike it. Necessarily. Yeah, I'm getting with it, I don't dislike it necessarily. Yeah, I'm getting Vietnam vet for sure. Man. Maybe it'll settle a bit. Yeah, it really does come on strong. It's kind of like deep. It's kind of like the back of my nose.

I feel that, I feel that actually. And it's like earthy and woodsy. Let it be known. There is some fucking here. Is this going to be like John Madden or like some old like Terry Bradshaw? Oh, I hope it's Terry Bradshaw. You know, something like an old guy. I can see this being Terry Bradshaw.

Me too, actually. Almost medicinal. Yeah, this is a guy rolls into your one horse town town he's got a briefcase full of whatever you need. Yes. This is one of those. Yeah. Opolio. Here you go dog. But it doesn't smell cheap like this kind of. No no no no. It's like but like home brewed. I think I'm giving it credit for being different it's very different than what we've smelled. Yeah this is today. This is alluring. This is the work of an old man.

Is it snake oil? Is it penicillin? Who cares? He's got stories. And his own bottle of whiskey. Our last fragrance is... Drum roll. Oh, wow! No! We're going to cut that.

We got got. We're going to cut that. We got got. We got got. Snake oil salesman. I think we nailed that. This is fight, fight, fight Donald Trump. Oh the bottle's brutal. What a tacky fuck.

It's just a sticker. That's brutal. That's perfect though. Limited edition 2024 made in France. I hate how perfect. Made in France? TACKY! Fuck! It's just a sticker. That's brutal! That's perfect though. Limited edition, 2024, made in France. I hate how perfect it is. Made in France? Yeah, I thought he was America.

I thought America first. We got the sig on the side. This is 2024. This must have been... I thought he was sitting like a cigarette. This is that new new. It is an all-black, heavy-ass bottle. Fight, fight, fight is a bold fragrance from Trump Fragrances designed for men who embody

strength and resilience. This limited edition cologne is crafted to leave a lasting impression with its rich and robust notes. The fragrances commemorate President Trump's moment of personal courage and the strong message he sends to Americans after being shot at in Butler, Pennsylvania. Instead of the potential horrific moment of Trump's assassination, every camera on the mainstream media captured the most iconic photograph and video of his political career Oh my god, the amount of money I was looking for the profile notes

Lawrence, what do you think this costs? Well based on that reaction. Oh my god. So this is $100 Mine says $200. Whoa, let's we go we pay I don't act this the most embarrassing 200 bucks that we spent Let's f***ing go. We pay, I don't actually, the most embarrassing thing might be that we spent $216.67. You gave Trump your heart and money? The retail is $199 a bottle. We gave, I presume, to be the alleged shell company that someone has. My gosh.

I can't believe it doesn't smell worse. Now let's go, is anybody here really good at math and conversions? I wanna end the show. This, if you took the amount that Taylor Swift had in hers, and you scaled it up to this size, is that more, does she charge more per drop than he does? Mathematically speaking, Taylor Swift's Cologne, fragrance, perfume, would cost, at this rate, $400.

Jesus f***ing Christ. Shout out to T Swiss. I hope that The rest of the year works out In a way in which we're all like, you know what that wasn't as bad as I thought happy January 6th, by the way Yeah At the end of every episode of how the Tory finds out a show where we find stuff out We say what we found out today and I guess I Guess Katie I find out Taylor Swift charges more per drop of her perfume or did I don't know then

45 47 is that what we call them now is it 45 40 so what how do you even? Do you get both numbers did that to Grover Cleveland? Yeah, you get both even, do you get both numbers? Did Grover Cleveland get both? Yeah, you get both. Yeah. You get both. Cool. You get both. What was your favorite?

It's between Beckham and JLo, I think. I'm still shook. What did you learn today? What did you find out today? I found out that I'm updating my hall pass with my wife to David Beckham. Nice. That wasn't on there. No.

I also found out that I want to try Manny's on my coffee. The little levis, whatever's happening there, it's pressing all the right buttons for your boy. I don't know. I'm not going to start rooting for the Titans,. That, I mean, he's figured something out. So I think if I may collectively summarize our thoughts... I might find you that picture over in the outfit. The big winner, I think, is David Beck.

At the price point, too. At that price point. That's crazy. 1925, the best deal, the best man, dare I say. On the medal stand, though, we concur that JLo is there. Yeah. If we're being honest with ourselves. I don't know.

The scientists behind the glass are telling me that it was pretty clear that we all agree that the Trump one was pretty good. Damn, really? What I found out today is that I should never trust the producers of this show ever again. Ever, why would you ever do that? The nose knows. God damn it. Nose don't lie. Trump got one.

This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out, a Meadowlark Media production. And I'll talk to you next time. Yeah, sure thing. Hey, you sold that car yet? Yeah, sold it to Carvana. Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy. The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest, over 36 months? Yeah, no. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot.

It was so convenient. Just like that? Yeah. No hassle? None. That is super convenient. Sell your car to Carvana and swap hassle for convenience. Pick up these May apply.