The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - PTFO - The Ballad of Saw Man: How to Tear Down (and Steal*) a Goalpost

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

It is a tradition unlike any other: A college-football upset. A sea of fans. A 45-foot yellow structure crashing down on the field and heading toward a river or frat house near you. But the tradition of destroying goalposts is under threat. PTFO correspondent and unhinged amateur thief Mickey Duzyj provides a how-to guide, after speaking with students, administrators, an executive at Big Goal Post and the one true expert who can help save a piece of football history: Saw Man. *Pablo Torre Finds Out does not (officially) condone storming football fields or stealing university property. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out. I am Pablo Torre, and today we're going to find out what this sound is. If anyone has dreamed of doing this, if anyone wants to take our point-by-point guide and put this into action, now is the time. Right after this ad. You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. Right in front of the glass where our producers are, there's books, there's a racially ambiguous Christmas self, if you recall last year's Christmas episode. There's a PS5 controller, a microphone. It's really a junk drawer of a shelf.

My wife has accused me of, and she called me this yesterday. Okay, this is some late breaking insult. Yeah. I am the master of tchotchkes. I think that's great. I agree. I think stuff, objects, physical objects and digital time. Yeah. that's great. I agree. I think stuff Objects physical objects in digital time. Yeah, Mickey. You're an artist you get it big time. This is important It's important to commemorate our history in front of us in real life tangibly, you know

It's it's very in vogue to have a minimalist aesthetic right Marie Kondo. Yeah, I'm totally against that Yeah, I'm a clutter core to the core. I like to collect objects. Yes. And having them around me or on me or in my pocket. It just I don't know, it makes my life feel richer. Yes. And I would say that the episode we're here to do together is effectively about this concept as embraced by college football. Definitely. It is about the tangible objects that people are striving whenever possible to risk so much, it turns out,

to acquire and keep for themselves. So for the uninitiated, tearing down goal posts is really the supreme celebration for a college football underdog when they pull off an upset victory at home. Oh, they're inching closer. The hometown fans storm the field.

Their own field. Their own field. Here we go, the place is about to explode, it's all Iowa. Yeah! They jump over the barricades, they get out onto the field, and they celebrate with the players and the coaches, and they just go nuts. In moments of great historic victory, they take the extra step and tear down their hometown goalposts.

And what a scene at Bobby Dodd. There goes the goalpost. And this is essentially the most valuable pelt that you can take down as a big game hunter, actually. Absolutely. It is a tradition that is hard to compare with anything else in the world of sports. It is self-destruction. It is your own stadium that you are ruining. It is illegal, highly illegal, objectively dangerous.

And you've commemorated this on the sweatshirt you've brought us today in studio. It says you're going down. You're, YR, going down. And with a little felt gold post underneath it. There's a certain partisanship in your reporting, I'd say. Pablo, I feel like you focusing on the vandalism and the destruction. I just have to say that legally. Yeah. I mean, you're coming off as a real square because this is not only a great celebration

that has gone back generations. This is really a folk tradition that I've come to learn and appreciate recently. I should also say that again for just purely self-protective reasons, it is theft, technically. So college administrators and law enforcement, they would agree with you. They tend to frown upon, you know, the vandalism of stadiums and so forth. This goes far beyond just a conventional celebration. Not only are these things kind of paraded around, but they are also oftentimes chopped up into little pieces and distributed among the hometown fans who

are celebrating this upset. Yes, which is to say that this is an unusually and very special ecstatic revolution that involves all this property destruction and theft that you describe and the crazy thing about this season of course is that I believe that this tradition has been clearly the theme of what we've been watching. Clark Lee and his Commodores looking to make some history. They haven't knocked off Bama since 1984. Let's really start this story talking about when the great and number one seeded Alabama visited Vanderbilt University.

Yes, the Commodores. To get inside this great upset that happened, we reached out to a young man named Luke Rickers, who's a student at Vanderbilt. I'm a huge sports fan. Go to all the games, go to all the basketball games, all the football. And he's such a diehard that he stays to the end of every game. He says, because Vanderbilt historically not a great football power. That is also kind to Vanderbilt. They're f***ing horrible.

Most of the time when they're losing, most of the fans clear out of the student section, which for Luke and his close buddies is a great opportunity for him to weasel down to the front row right next to the field so he can take in what is usually some pretty mediocre football action. If there was ever a Vandy win and you weren't there, like you messed up big time, because that's not a thing that happened that often. So any win that we could get you had to be there. Which is all to say that Luke's expectations heading into this

specific game on October 5th against Alabama, big bad Alabama. It sounds like they were fairly low. Well, historically, Vanderbilt has been killed by Alabama by probably an average of 50 points. I had zero expectation going into that game. And I was just thinking as long as we didn't get blown out, that last time we did 52 to 0, that would have been a win in my book.

But unbelievably to Luke and to everybody at the stadium, the game went very, very differently than the usual contest between Vanderbilt and Alabama. Bobby wants to throw. He goes down the middle. It is caught. Touchdown. Vanderbilt and Junior Sherrill.

Vanderbilt's been playing football since 1890. They'd never had a top five win. Top five. Amazing. Yeah. A little replay. Pavia throws. Touchdown.

Vanderbilt. So this is an unthinkable story that's unfolding. Vanderbilt 40, Alabama 35. So Luke is sitting there and he's sitting front row at this point. The unthinkable miracle has happened and he said to himself, I want to be one of the first students on the field. He's standing at the top of this like 10-foot wall. He's just adamant that he's going to get on that field.

Everyone's storming the field. It's mayhem. What was Luke's plan? Luke told me that there was no plan. Oh, there was no plan. There was this like opposing team cooler right under the wall. It was like, because I think it was a pretty decent drop. It was like eight feet, 10 feet.

I ripped off my shirt at some point. I don't know if that was before or after I went over the wall. Fans kept accumulating that mass in the middle, just kept getting bigger and bigger. I look over and the goalpost is just like shaking. I was like, if that thing's coming down, like I have to play a role in it. I have to get my hands on that thing. I managed to get my way like to the base of the goalpost, and there's so many students trying to grab onto that thing and bring it down.

It was so hard to just even get a hand on it. And eventually I do. Some kid I don't even know, he grabs my legs and lifts me up onto it. I don't know who pulled me or what happened, but I just ate it. I fell off the post into this kid. It was just a sh** show for lack of a better word. I just want to point out that Vanderbilt is an excellent university.

It's a really academically rigorous school. I will guarantee you that this was not on the Vanderbilt syllabus, no matter what the course coming into the semester. How to tear down a goalpost. But they chopped and chopped and they finally brought the thing down. The video that we just played. Yeah. I mean, if you zoom in, you can pretty clearly spot. That's topless Luke right there right there hands both Stretched into the sky in a V Beneath a clearly tipping over

yellow metal upright I mean that's that's forever. That's so good So I was watching from home and what you see both online and in the broadcast You see what reminded me of an army of just completely drunk ants, right? Just like carrying this object that's so disproportionately large, larger than them. Once they got the goalpost down, they started to parade it around and then everyone is thinking, okay, let's try and get this out of the stadium. On the side of the field that it was taken down,

there was a tunnel, and they tried to march the goalpost out of that tunnel. It ends up being too big, but they slam it into the top of the tunnel, it takes a chunk out of the tunnel. They say, we gotta back up, this is not gonna work. Where are the security guards at this point? At this point, the security has pretty much given up hope of stopping the mayhem. So the students, they're like, okay, we got to backtrack. They're like, okay, we're going to try and

get it out the totally other side of the field. They're able this time to get it out of the stadium. And suddenly they're out with this giant goalpost just out on campus. Where are they trying to go? So Luke says that even though there was no coordinated plan, the hive mind, uh, seemed to want to take this giant goalpost, almost as if the goalpost itself was a giant divining rod, and take it towards water. A three-mile walk from campus down Broadway into what is the Cumberland River in downtown Nashville. I knew that when we got on the street that that thing was ending up in the river.

It's just kind of this unspoken mass movement in that general direction. And I was like, okay, that's what we're doing. I'm going to keep carrying it, see where we end up. But we end up at the river. And it just was the perfect landing place for it. Like I don't know where else we could put it down there, in the middle of Broadway like I said is that considered littering I'm going to show a video here on YouTube in the DraftKings Network which I am deeply proud to show everybody this is from the police helicopter and it's in night vision. So good. I mean...

This is an ant farm! Like this is... look at... Bicky. How unreal is that? Just so many... just again, night vision white thermal signatures. Just a crowd of them. All... There it goes. Just plunging what is now clearly like the dislocated elbow of an upright into the river.

Luke talks about it almost like he had an out of body experience. Everyone's chanting in the river, in the river. There's a real almost a hysteria that has taken over everyone. So as he's watching this thing quickly sink into the Cumberland River, he tangibly feels the adrenaline leave his body and he kind of comes back to his senses. And as he does, he kind of takes a look around him and he realizes that his comrades, they're starting to get arrested by police. I was like, all right, that might be, might be wraps, might be time to find another activity or somewhere else to take the rest of our night. But that sort of phenomenon you just described of a transformation. Yeah.

I mean, part of the physical object that we're talking about here, it goes from this thing that is so mundane. It becomes this talisman, this piece of genuinely valuable memorabilia freighted with all of the energy of a night like this that people, as you referenced, proceed to then eventually get a piece of sometimes. There seems to be some sort of unspoken magical energy that comes from carrying a physical piece.

I mean, we're talking about an artifact that diehard fans would regard as something that could live in a museum. Right. Right. Not only has this phenomenon existed, this practice existed for more than a century, but that there is also this shadow war that's been going on between the kind of rebellious practitioners of this art form.

The lukes of the world. Yeah. And these larger forces that are really trying to squash this practice from happening. And I was really put onto the dynamics of this through one of the master practitioners of this rebel art. And so this man who does sound like he has a plan, what is this man's name? This man's name, name Pablo is Sawman. Peloton has what you need to keep you on track to your goals no matter what season of life you're in. Friends, we're all different. We have

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that nobody tears down goal posts after NFL games. Which I think says so much about the institution that is college football. A sport where this past Saturday, for instance, Lehigh University doinked their goalpost off a bridge and into their river after beating Lafayette to win the Patriot League. And in college, in fact, teardowns like this will happen multiple times on the same Saturday, including on that October 5th, when Vandy upset Alabama and Arkansas also upset Tennessee, and none of our correspondents could have been more eager to dive into all of this than Mickey Dujer, an animator and a documentarian, an illustrator who was last

seen on this program sharing the story of his secret life as an underdog goth tennis champion. Because despite what one Power Conference executive suggested to us, here at Poblatory Finds Out, which is that the sport is deeply concerned about, quote quote the safety of participants and spectators alike and quote this tradition this subculture is also an art form a currently endangered unhinged art form about literal unhinging that some are now daring to preserve. So as we said Luke himself did not have a plan once he launched himself off this 10-foot wall onto the turf at Vanderbilt. And I don't want to

be this guy but I have to be this guy because you're not gonna be this guy obviously. We are not telling college students who might be listening to this to tear down the goal posts at your local University football field but if they were to efficiently tear down a goalpost... So I can help you. As a public service I have created the official Pablo Torre Finds Out guide to tearing down goalposts. Great. So let's start with the ingredients. First you'll start with the goalpost, obviously. The next thing that you'll need is a crew of individuals. Third thing that we'll need

is a field storming where your group can have access to this goalpost. And the last thing that you'll need is a little bit of time. Let's just say on average, you'll need about 15 minutes to pull this off. After you have all of those ingredients, let's talk about the anatomy of your adversary here. Goal posts generally weigh between 600 and 1,000 pounds each. This is not a small object. So heavy.

pounds each. This is not a small object. Each of these goal posts has three main parts to them. The uprights, each of them is 30 feet tall. Those are connected to a horizontal piece in the middle of the structure called the crossbar and that crossbar is connected to the ground by the goose neck, which is a curved piece of metal that connects usually to some sort of base at the bottom of the structure. So generally speaking, the uprights are the lightest part, which are made of a hollow aluminum piping, weighs about 50 to 75 pounds each. I'm just going to stop you and point out that it sounds like you're an instructor in a terrorist training cell. I resent that.

This is again, a public service problem. The crossbar is a bit heavier. It weighs about 150 pounds, but it's really when we get down to the goose neck. That's really where all the weight is. What do young people typically screw up when they are trying to tear down a goalpost, given everything you've just laid out? So there are a lot of ways to do this wrong.

Let's just cover a few basic rookie mistakes. The first mistake is thinking that the key to taking down a goal post is the gooseneck. The durability of said gooseneck is more than what your crew can handle. Sometimes people also think that the way to do this is to unscrew it. That is also not a thing. So don't think that that is worth your time either. I want to point out that this entire time you have been pointing and gesturing and clenching your fists very violently over a bunch of illustrations you've made us very helpfully for this thing we are not telling college students to do once again.

Well, it is really important to know what you're doing because the clock is ticking. The move is to hoist your group up onto the crossbar. You want to lift the whole group onto the crossbar? Maybe the most agile and strong members of your group... You can hold a draft combine for this. You want to group your members into one of the far corners where the crossbar meets the upright. So you're not trying to evenly disperse your weight across the entire length of the crossbar. This is just physics now. You're trying to choose one of the corners and put maximal weight on that corner.

So you want people hanging on it. You want people jumping up and down on that corner. You are trying to give that corner Pablo the absolute business. That is going to win you just a few inches of downward tilt. At that point, move your attack to the entirely opposite corner. This is a gradual process and after you do that, you're gonna want to rock back and forth. Oh yeah, you're seesawing this thing. Absolutely, that's the word. Seesawing. So you're going from one side to another. It's really helpful for you to deputize a field general who's on the field,

who actually calls out the changes, who says you've done enough on that corner, shift your attack, and once you get one of the corners very close to, if not down on the turf itself, that's when you shift to the next phase of this process. Which is? Getting your entire crew behind the goalpost, facing midfield.

And what you want to do then is get as many hands on the goalpost. And if you have sufficiently weakened the goalpost's structural integrity and you give it an epic heave, that thing will come down and glory will be yours. But as I'm now just processing all this methodology, which I appreciate the detail on, I realize that the part where we get to keep the glory for ourselves has not yet been discussed.

And I presume for this part, we're going to need a tool that you haven't illustrated or taught me about yet. That's right. And not just any tool. In my professional opinion, you can either go old school, you know, with a, you know, old school hacksaw. Now what I would recommend is that you actually have a sharp hacksaw. This one is like a butter knife and it takes a little long to cut.

But if you really want to get through the upright, you really need a reciprocating saw. So Pablo, this is the infamous and beloved folk hero known as Sawman. I had a guess. So by day, Sawman is known as Ned Vickers who is the president of the Sugarlands Distilling Company in Tennessee. But this man's passion, his true passion, and I would say his calling, is really to saw through a

variety of goal posts with his beloved hacksaw, but he has also considered a variety of other tools. A grinder would work. I've also heard people say that, you know, a cutting torch would be ideal. Like, almost like a blow torch that burns through. Yeah, like a welding torch.

Wow. Yeah. And what about, this is going to seem ridiculous, but a chainsaw. No, no, you wouldn't want to do that. Chainsaw is not sharp enough. You need a real fine tooth blade. And what about a battery powered circular saw? Again, the blades, now if you had a blade

that was specifically for cutting metal, that would probably work well, but most of them are meant for lumber and that's, the teeth are too big. How does one become Saw Man? Like what is Ned Vickers superhero origin story? It all started a long time ago, 40 years ago, back in 1984, when our man Ned was just a wee boy,

12 years old. He and his dad were both Tennessee Volunteers fans, and they went that year to the Tennessee Alabama game. It's time for the 67th meeting between the Alabama Grimsentide and the Tennessee Volunteers. So Ned and his father were sitting at Neyland Stadium among the fans. 95,422 are on hand as the volunteers come racing onto the field and it's football time

in Tennessee. And in the fourth quarter, unbelievably, Tennessee stages this epic comeback. Tennessee with the ball, the full house backfield, Jones. Give him six, touchdown to Gollum. This is Robinson, the option. Robinson keeps. Give him four. There is a field storming, and our little boy, Ned, as a 12-year-old, finds himself in the mix.

I turn to my dad and say, I going to see it and before he had a chance to say anything I was gone. So we wind up making it down the strip. I've got my hand on a four-foot section of the goalpost with with four other middle-aged guys and we were looking for a hacksaw. At the time, they had service stations on the strip, and so we eventually found a service station that would loan us our hacksaw, and so we cut up a piece of it for each of us,

and I head back to the car not knowing how mad my dad's gonna be. This is almost three hours later. So I get to the car, it's the only car in the lot at that point, I have my piece of the goalpost and I think he was just relieved honestly and pleased that I had this piece of the goalpost. That's really how it got started. So yeah, very safe to say that there is nothing more important

to Ned than these rare valuable artifacts of upset glory. And so from that point forward, we're talking decades now, 40 years, he has again and again just been sawing through goalpost after goalpost, creating these artifacts for himself and others in good old Rocky Top, Tennessee. Rocky Top!

You'll always be, you'll always be, you'll always be, you'll always be, you'll always be, you'll always be, you'll always be, Good old Rocky Top, Tennessee. And all of this brings us to the present or the near present. We're talking 2022. Once again, it's Alabama against Tennessee. Tennessee was the very sexy upset pick. Give me Tennessee. Pandemonium Ray. This is going to be some kind of celebration if the big orange holds it up.

And they win the game on an incredible knuckleball field goal. From 40. On the way, a knuckleball field goal. From 40, on the way a knuckleball. He got it! Yet again, inspiring the Tennessee fans to storm the field at Neyland Stadium. And here they come. The misery is over on Rocky Top. And Ned again is somewhere in that teeming mass of people. So actually Ned is not there.

Ned was on a college visit that weekend. And so he was just getting back into town. He said he was a mile and a half from campus at a friend's house. But he watches this whole thing unfold Our other son was at the game with a friend and so we're watching the game like everyone else and and then you know have the miraculous comeback and And the field goal and and we're jumping up and down in the house and my wife says, you know

The boys need to see what what this is like So I grabbed a tennessee bag, you know, the boys need to see what this is like. So I grabbed a Tennessee bag, you know, bright orange bag, so it'd blend in with everything, and I stuck a hacksaw into the bag, and off we go. I am struck repeatedly by the intentionality of Sawman and his arsenal here. In deep contrast to Luke, once again, who just seemed to show up in this crowd, deeply disorganized with his classmates, and just generally try to throw this thing in the Cumberland River. So the much experienced sawman is very familiar with this dynamic and also with this milieu.

And so we're walking up the strip and sure enough about halfway up the strip here come two uprights. So at that point I join in the fray and I'm walking along beside all the drunk college kids trying to convince them to put the goalpost down and let's cut it up and they were just dead set individually. They all thought is a great idea. But you know together every time I'd get one of them convinced of it somebody from behind them would yell to the river. So we followed them all the way to the river and sure enough they tossed the first upright into the river. And then here comes the second one they toss it in the river. Well about that time some fraternity boys decided that it would be awfully nice to have a

piece of that goalpost. So several of them jumped in the river. You know, it's about 1030 at night, October, it's freezing outside. And there they are in the river. They fish it out and they bring it back and they start marching it back toward fraternity row. And my wife stands in front of them and just, you know, puts her hands up and says, you know, halt. We have a saw!

And so I'm a few hundred yards away with some other people at the time and all of a sudden I hear I start hearing them chant sawmen, sawmen! And so here I come. So my plan is to cut a piece off of it, take it, and then donate the saw to the cause because it's a my plan is to cut a piece off of it, take it, and then donate the saw to the cause. Cause it's a lot of work to cut one of these up with a hacksaw. So I get started on it. They're chanting saw, man.

About halfway through it, I put too much pressure on the blade and broke it. And all of a sudden I start getting booed by all the college students. They lift it up and off they go. And all of a sudden I start getting booed by all the college students. They lift it up and off they go. And there had to have been 150 people out there. And all of a sudden it's just the four of us standing there alone. And just bummed out because we've missed our chance at getting a piece of the goalpost. What an emotional rollercoaster.

Absolutely, but let's not forget, there was another goal post in the water. And so off we go. And we're running down the river bank and sure enough, there's one of the whole uprights is in the river and there's some poor college student clean to it. But it's too big for him to wrangle back to the dock. So my now 16 year old, he was 14 at the time, turns to me and says, can I go in after it?

And being the great parent I am, I say, yeah, sure, go. You know, he strips down to his t-shirt and off he goes. And so the two of them get it up on the bank and then we help them pull it up the rest of the way, but we don't have a saw. It's my four family members, a young life counselor from UT, and a 35 year old drunk guy with one shoe.

And so, and so I, you know, I start looking around and I tell the drunk guy, okay, you're coming with me. We're going to my house. Good news for the drunk guy with one shoe. Sawman, as we know, owns more than one saw. So he follows me. We go back to my house. We get a reciprocating saw this time. We come back down and got another hacksaw, work our way down to where they are. They had hidden the goalpost in the brush because there were people all around looking. And we pull it out,

cut it into five, six foot sections, and we head back. six foot sections and we head back. So the Young Life counselor, his apartment was actually located right beside Peyton Manning's bar, Saloon 16. And that night in celebration of the win, Morgan Wallen was doing an impromptu concert at this little 2,000 square foot bar. Special guest, Knoxville zone, Morgan Wallen.

Holiday time and all of his money. You know, so you can imagine what that was like. It was a zoo. So we pull in next to this guy's apartment and it was like, okay, three, two, one, go. He runs around, we open the lift gate, he pulls his section off and he just takes off running. So he made it out of there alive. In this moment, the legend of Saw Man is really born. And I want to give credit to Mike Wilson at the Knoxville News Sentinel. He originally published, reported and published this story. A local legend befitting local coverage.

So this legend starts to spread, and Ned himself, when he went back to work on Monday... Every Monday morning, we have a manager's meeting where we get together at our production facility. He happened to experience the legend being talked about out in the wild. I walk into the meeting, and everyone's seated at the table and I hear someone telling the story of this middle-aged guy called Saw Man.

And so I walk in and I'm a very conservative person. They would never expect that I would be the person. So I sit down and I said, yeah, I'm Saw Man. And their chins just hit the table. So very proudly, Ned and his family even made the photo of them sawing the goalpost that year, their family Christmas card. So.

I've not seen this yet. Happy holidays, the Vickers family. And it is a Saw Man doing what he loves. They're all elated. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Holidays on the house at DraftKings Casino. With this season's offerings, you'll unwrap everything on your list. Exclusive games, huge jackpots, and exciting rewards!

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the first family of goalpost destruction that I have to personally, for legal reasons again, disclaim because as much as this practice is a family heirloom, much like the goalposts themselves, this DIY dynasty is in fact legally a thing that we cannot co-sign officially. So funny enough, Saw Man's son, Eli. Saw Boy. Saw Boy happens to be a freshman at Vanderbilt this year and was actually at the Vanderbilt Alabama game that we talked about earlier in the episode

with the topless Luke. And where was Sawman? So Sawman was not there. Sawman is watching the game on TV and he's texting with his son Eli, who's sitting in the crowd in the student section and As we described before this unbelievable upset is brewing And so saw man texts Eli and says hey, I'm getting in the car right now

I've got my saw. He also adds as the great father that he is that also in the event that you need bail money tonight, mom and I were good for it. Great parenting. The decision-making though does raise this question about the economy around all this, right? Like the goalpost economy, which is clearly something

that is of concern to both police helicopters with night vision and also college administrators everywhere. The reason that they are concerned from a financial perspective, how much does the thing that saw man loves to saw actually cost? This is where we have to talk about

the existence of Big Goalpost. There is a company called Sports Field Specialties that is the number one manufacturer and installer of goalposts throughout college football and also in the pros. I spoke with a guy named Kevin Devanteer who is the director of sales at Sportsfield. And he is also very charmingly the head of what is called the replacement goalpost market, which is a market that exists because of this phenomenon of goalposts getting torn down. What Kevin told me about all of this is that the goalpost costs about $8,000 to $10,000 each to manufacture and to ship to location. So for the buyers not great but for the sellers the goalpost industrial complex that's pretty good business. Not only do they sell these replacement goalposts but they have now come

to recommend that schools actually purchase a second goal post just to have in storage in the event that their goal posts get torn down. The goal post guys, big goal post, all their executives are on a group chat together and they watch the college football scoreboards almost like tornado chasers watch the Doppler radar. tornado chasers watch the Doppler radar and they're looking for upsets and in the event of Vanderbilt and Alabama apparently that evening the executives were gleefully texting to one another about the goalposts they're coming down they're coming down they're coming down it. It's go time and suddenly they have to mobilize

to make the new goalposts and rush to get them installed in time for the next home game. So it sounds like the defense of Sawman is that Sawman is actually in this economy, just a job creator. Definitely, he has been, but there is something happening in the world of goalpost Technology that is threatening to turn all of this upside down as it were there

There is a new Hydraulic model of a goalpost a futuristic Model that can cost up to you $25,000 so we're talking more than twice the cost of a conventional goal. I'm getting a pimp my ride to sort of aspect to this. Definitely. But what a hydraulic goalpost is, is it looks just like a conventional goalpost. But instead of it being one solid structure, at the top of the goose neck is a hinge. and the hydraulic hinge allows for the uprights to tilt forward and lay straight down like almost face first on the turf with a push of a button.

I want you to take a look at this clip and see what happens right after the clock hits zero. Right, Georgia Tech. So the goalposts come down immediately. I mean, everyone's shocked. No one's seen this before. It's like watching, you know, the Death Star being operational. So what happened technically is that that was so fast somewhere in the stadium, an administrator

pushed the secret hydraulic button and the goalpost immediately slammed down to the ground and they swarmed it with security guards trying to keep the students away from it so that they couldn't rip it to pieces. Right. And so this new security system, it seems like, worked exactly as advertised. Well, there was a photo that went around after the game. And if you take a look at this photo, you can see that the hydraulic system and the gooseneck, it did function as intended.

Those 30 foot uprights that Mickey was describing before have been amputated. So despite the fact that the hydraulic component worked as intended. Clearly that part, the goos the hydraulic component worked as intended. Clearly that part. The goose neck is immaculate. The students, and really credit to the Georgia Tech students, they still somehow were able to snap the uprights off of the construction and still parade them gloriously around the stadium. And that, by the way, is exactly what happened this past Saturday. When Arizona State stormed the field early, after upsetting BYU, it turned out,

and Oklahoma did the same against Alabama. And at both places, you could very clearly see the hydraulic goalposts that Mickey was just describing rotating down to the ground and then immediately become defended by all that security where they remained intact. And when it comes to the conferences themselves, because you see all these headlines about all of the money that they're finding schools right, who are involved in these things. I do want to point out that we here at Public Torrey Finds Out did of course reach out to

a top SEC official for comment about this regime of fines. And what they said is that these are field storming fines. The price has in fact gone up in the 20 years since the SEC adopted the policy. We now are at $100,000 for the first offense, $250,000 for the second, half a million dollars for subsequent offenses after that. And there's also, just in case you were wondering, an additional $100,000 penalty, Mickey,

if fans storm the field before the end of the game. So all that being the case, you should know that those are blanket fees in the event of a goal post getting taken down. There are no punishments at the moment. There's a loophole. Look, you have your sweatshirt. I see.

I see what you're trying to imply here. Yeah. I mean, just as a public service announcement, I will just say for anyone interested. Why are you speaking directly into a camera? And I'll say this to the camera. I don't like you grabbing the camera. If anyone has dreamed of doing this, if anyone wants to take our point by point guide and put this into action, now is the time.

Change is coming. Things might not ever be as easy to do this as it is right now. I think we should probably go to break. Don't delay. If you're getting some holiday shopping done this weekend, I urge you to pick up some touchdowns because they are all on sale all week at DraftKings Sportsbook. DraftKings has doorbuster profit boosts and you bet one get one promotions on all types of touchdown bets.

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and over age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction void in Ontario one bonus bet per customer based on amount of initial touchdown bet and expires 168 hours after issuance one single use boost per customer that only applies to winnings. See sportsbook.draftkings.com slash promos for additional terms and responsible gaming resources. So it's time to bring us all full circle here because the last time we talked about Luke, our Vanderbilt friend, he was topless en route to the Cumberland River,

tracked by police helicopters using night vision. It was just a sh** show, for lack of a better word. And now, we also know, because of your reporting with the Saw Family, that Saw Boy, son of Saw Man, was also there in the milieu, as you put it somewhere, marching down Broadway towards that very same river in question. And so the thing that they all hurled into the Cumberland River together, that all-important metal object, when they get dredged from the water, which I presume they did, where did they go? So this is another great innovation that has happened, this time on the university and on the rebel side,

which is that these goalposts oftentimes make their way back to the schools from which they were taken. And schools have realized that these objects are incredibly valuable, especially if you cut them into tiny little pieces and auction them off on the university website. So in the case of Vanderbilt University, they auctioned off tiny pieces of this incredible goalpost for prices like up to $7,500 per slice.

Wait, it sounds like the university, the big bad administrator from the top down, they were doing in the end what f***ing saw man was doing. Well this is a capitalist society, Pablo, and you know they would argue that hey they're just doing this to pay the fines that the conferences are levying on them, and also to cover the cost of the replacement goalposts. But just a cursory look at these auctions, you're realizing that the universities, if you do the math, they're actually making more money than any of this cost. I was going to say, I'm doing some basic multiplication. And this sounds like a relative windfall for one Vanderbilt University.

It has been. But I say credit to the universities for doing this because there is a great appetite for all of these objects. And as a surprise to you, we can bring in a little something like how you're grabbing cameras You're summoning Patrick from Here we go Pablo Thank you to Rob for unveil Jesus Christ and In front of us today feel its power. Oh my god hold on

This is on a plate. I mean... I mean, lay your hands on that. Is this the goalpost? From Vanderbilt University that was... October 5th? Thrown in the Cumberland River. 2024? Torn down by topless Luke.

It's so dirty. There it was. You know, a piece of four inch aluminum pipe lent to us by Vanderbilt boosters who retained some of the slices. Perhaps they will auction them off at a later time. But just to give you a sense of again the totemic power of this object This would look so good on my wall of chachkis that my wife is mad at me for Unfortunately Pablo you cannot have that But before we go real bummer, honestly, I do have another surprise for you and you know to honor again this And, you know, to honor again, this underground folk tradition, I have a gift for you that

you can keep. And it's a gift on behalf of myself and also on behalf of Big Goalpost. So please, producers, I can bring this one in. We can leave this one for the moment. What is... Okay. So, a fancy box with a Velveteen cushion. Oh my God. So what you have there, Pablo, is another slice of a gold post. This is the very top of an upright. Oh, and I will say that, you know, for a variety of reasons, some legal, I, I can't fully disclose. Yeah, where is this? Where'd you get this? Where this game upright came from. But let's just say that I myself got something out of this as well in the form of my new Christmas card design.

So for those not watching on YouTube and the DraftKings Network, you've made a terrible decision today. Mickey is taking a hacksaw to what I now must presume is the upright from a local field Near his home in New York and it says happy holidays above and he is grinning like a Saw relative if I've ever seen one. I think I have some questions that have been answered Good when I tell my wife Why I'm bringing this home today and what it is, she is not gonna find any of this even vaguely funny.

Another tchotchke for your shelves Pablo. And let me be the first to tell you, happy holidays. ["Happy Holidays"] This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out, a MetalArk Media production, and I'll talk to you next time. Thanks for watching.