The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Best Of DLS: Jim Brockmire

Episode Date: November 24, 2023

We close out this day after Thanksgiving Best Of fiesta with the very best from Jim Brockmire. He's talking Donald Trump, the Oakland A's, Denver Nuggets, and Babe Ruth. Also, he's insulted by mere the existence of David Samson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. This episode is brought to you by Max. The Emmy-winning HBO original docu-series Hard Knox returns for an all-new in-season with the Miami Dolphins. Watch what it takes to become football's most explosive team with coach Mike McDaniel, quarterback to a tongue of aloea and wide receiver Tyree Kill. Watch new episodes Tuesdays. Sign up for Max now for 299 a month for the first six months on the With ads plan. Offer ends Monday, Terms Apply. Visit max.com for details. This is the Dunlambator Show with the Stugat Spatcast! to talk to you with Stu Giles. Best of luck, fire with Sassfrass drinker. Bok-Bok.

He is Trump, Flores Man. How are things down there in Miami? Because gee, I'm from Rackin' My Brain. Has a city ever lost two different championships and back-to-back nights? Hmm, I don't know. Imagine it's just devastation across the entire region, just dead night life and clubs and restaurants close. So many people in the morning. I mean, the hardcore

fans down there, they have been following these teams probably since the beginning of May. I mean, six whole weeks. That's the new love phase. It's very hard when something so fresh and new for people that's just snuffed out. So unceremonically and so quickly. You're trying to kick us while we're down. That's what you're trying to do. Well, I'm trying, but nobody's ever really down in Miami. Come on, y'all have the weather.

You got the beach. You got the food. You got the drugs. You got the sheer level of attractiveness of your entire citizenry, present company excluded, of course, mostly. I can see, Dan, why you have turned Miami into your fife dome because it's just paradise. But there can be no pleasure without consequence, right, without sacrifice, which is why Miami is also a magnet for the most insane

that could ever be forced to wade through. I mean, just yesterday, the traveling Trump carnival rolled into town, just down the road for me all, is that right? That is correct. You must have thoughts on the freak show that is always trailing Trump. Wow, yeah, it's worse than a freak show.

It's a big compliment. There's like a low rent carnival. It's a geek show. worse than a free show. Free show is a big compliment. It's like a low rent carnival. It's a geek show. It's a geek show. A geek show. The kind of costume folks who will excitedly bite off the heads of chickens just so long as they're imagining the birds to be members of a persecuted minority

or the capital police, I guess, other ones. Yeah, either one. You know, it's just nightmare clowns from a Rob Zombie movie. These people worship of all people, Trump. They worship Trump, then. It was basically an elderly, open mic comedian in the out of burrows doing bad racist improv into whatever microphone will have them.

I mean, it would be really stupid. But was it also the greatest threat to American democracy, perhaps ever? Yeah. You know what? Two things can mature at once. Let's be mature here. Two things can mature. So it's incredibly stupid. And it's the greatest threat to American democracy. And what are your thoughts on the charges? You think these are going to be the charges that stick or what?

Well, let's analyze. Let's go to the tape. They have him on tape, basically saying, folks, I'm committing a crime right now. Folks, crime committing a, or more accurately, folks, I'm about to show you, my, my Trump needs work. Let me take another, no, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's a good Trump.

Folks, I'm about to show you would not have been a crime when I was president, but now I'm not president. It is a crime to possess this and to show it to you folks. Is that not do you not think that I'm cool folks? Cool me cool. I mean unbelievably pathetic waving around nuclear secrets to impress the likes of Antonio Sabato Jr. That's what he did. Remember the days when we all thought that Trump was stupid like a fox that he was playing five-dimensional chess?

Turns out the guy can't even play Connect 4, okay? Diagonal Confusism keeps getting distracted trying to put the little tokens in by shoving satellite photos of America's secret military installations into our face. But will he be convicted? Right? That was the question. That was the question I asked you.

No is the answer. No chance because he is right about one thing. Two systems of justice in this country. He belongs to the one where if you're rich enough, you can buy your way out of consequence. Because you can't pull 12 St. Americans in Florida to serve on a jury. I'm saying 10 to 2, mistrile. Whenever this thing wraps up, yes. Excuse me.

But I have a very important question about this whole thing for you, Dan, since you are my local Florida expert. Does this story, or this thing for you, Dan, since you are my local Florida expert. Does this story, this alleged alleged alleged alleged alleged crime and all its headlines? Does it officially turn Donald Trump, the famous New Yorker, into Florida man? Is he Florida man? Oh, that's a good question. Florida man is always the most famous of the criminals in the headlines that have perpetual weirdness

in them. So yeah, I think that's a pretty good, I don't know whether it goes from New York to Florida, but he is a Florida man in spirit. Well, let's reason through this, because to me, to be Florida man requires three things, okay? First, you need an incredible newspaper headline, one that really commands your attention with its gobsmacking ridiculous criminality. So I would say that ex-president steals state secrets

and hides them in his get- that quantifies his number one. So check on that. Yeah, that's true. Okay. One down. Second, crime itself has to be unbelievably stupid. No, see, it's got this one handily.

In the indictment, one of his lawyers says, Trump, act. It's great. I got to drink a little toast. It's great and it's terrible. Nothing to be funnier than the actual reality of it. So in the indictment, one of his lawyers said, the Trump asked him, asked the lawyer to steal

a classified document by silently making a grabbing gesture. What's known as a yank? That's the yank. He tried to get his old lawyer to commit a felony through a gamer's charade. Amazingly stupid. Double check, discount double check. Okay. Lastly, and here comes the tough one to be the far demand the story has to involve an alligator somehow got to be an alligator i see that's where your theory falls apart no alligators yesterday when my grind was uh... close to being tear gas i know i know i was really you know what though it's so close the stupid son of a bitch has got to do something idiotic

with gators around at one point i'm gonna google trump dumb and gator alligators well right away there we go twenty nineteen i'm a quote here okay

this is a real story new york times new york times i swear privately the press the president has often talked about fortifying a border wall with a water filled trench, stocked with alligators, rumping age to seek a cost estimate. Okay, that's a real story from the time. That's real.

Trump, he's fraud a man, Trump is fraud a man. Let's change all those headlines just to Trump. I mean, what were you laughing about? Trump, he's Florida man, Trump is Florida man. Let's change all those headlines just to Trump. I mean, what were you laughing about? And why did you just mutter during the break shoot migrant legs? Is that what the phrase I just heard you mutter into the microphone when we were off air?

This is the New York Times, the paper of record. The headline is, shoot migrant legs, build alligator mode behind Trump's ideas for border. I thought Brock Meyers is just a drunk. No, no he he comes with accurate information again two things can't be true I am a drunk and that is real Your thoughts on the NBA finals surely you have some thoughts because I couldn't even get you last week to talk about baseball because you wouldn't shut up about basketball Yeah, you know, I love the NBA finals.

Some like Ryan yesterday, though, blaming the gentleman's sweep on referee Tony Brothers, Ryan. Well, as if Miami didn't get any calls in this series, one of the last plays of the game was Aaron Gordon getting called for a three shot foul for having the audacity of the gumption to get ticked in the nuts by Jimmy Butler. That's true. After all that Ryan is, you're still playing the ref card. Yep. He is. Well, I've been Jimmy a spot to land.

Oh, yeah. Good point. Very good point. But I call that hogwash poppy cock and cod swallow. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. I call that hogwash poppy cock and cod swallow. Oh, really? Yeah, cod swallow. Really? In that order.

In that order. The nuggets were flat out better. And to prove it, you know what, I'm going to back this up. I'd like to use my favorite analytical stat. You kid you love the analytics. Okay, here's the stat you can always rely on. It's called wins and losses. Those numbers, boy, they really, they generally help show you which of the better teams.

Okay, last 10 games. Miami, he's record was three wins and seven losses. Follow the numbers here. Okay, not too good. Hard to accomplish for a team that makes it to the final. It really is, actually. I mean, remarkable in its wretchedness. Now, let's look at the

nuggets record over the last 10 games. Nine. Oh, I said 10 games. Here's to you. 10 games, not 10 games. That's right. Not 10 games. Last 10 games. Nine and one. Yeah. One team was out over its skis with its white hot shooting and came back down to the other. Historically great seems that way to me and they're just getting started. That is accurate and they're just getting started because of Yokech. You're as flabbergasted by him as the rest of us are correct. Yeah, I mean, it's not just because I'm pretty drunk, which I am, but he's just amazing. I just I love him.

I mean, when your most talented player is also your most unselfish player, that's when you win in basketball. His teammates just fly around knowing they know that their effort is going to be rewarded with the ball. How many superstars can you say that about? Only the thing more remarkable than his amazing performance to win the championship was his complete lack

of interest in celebrating. It was, it really was amazing. You literally said, I'd want to go home. I just want to go home. Why? You know why? Because he loves his horses so God, man. That's right. How about that? That's correct. What's with these like a 12 year old girl who has installed all day drawing in her journal? I have a theory on that. I know why because when you just the biggest thing Any way you've ever gone sometimes it's nice to feel small

Carrying your family in your country your franchise and your I said franchise not Rock my come on. Oh, it helps it helps it't help. You're getting worse. It doesn't help. You're carrying all these things and put it your adopted home. Sometimes you just want something to carry you, don't you? Cause strong men, they need to feel supported too. Dan, you know what I'm talking about? You're a big strong fellow.

You got a lot on your shoulders. Sure you're gone into a pool with a lady friend. Maybe you're a good lady way, but at some some point and just hugged on her for a while. You know, you just you you use the lack of gravity in the water, let her fully support your full while we, while we wait. That's not right. You're getting drunk or please. That wasn't the shit. That was just the sip of your sand. I'm not a shot. Sounded lined up three. You thought I'd only make three mistakes. I'm back to the drink. I'm back to the mother ship. Back to the mother ship. But then,

you know, seriously, you want to feel the safety and the protection that you haven't known since you were child. I mean, I know that admitted you done that. You've been in the pool with your good lady wife and she held you. Yes, gravity. Like the, like the whole of that. Yes. The big horribly dressed teddy bear. Yes. Thank you. The horribly dressed teddy bears. Yes. Thank you. The lack of gravity. I wear, yeah, wear my shirt in the pool as well. Can we get to baseball please?

Please? Sure. We're supposed to have a segment with you. It's supposed to be, I know. You get a minute to a baseball segment. Last week you called it ball for one minute. Yes.

Give me 60 seconds to summarize an entire week of the greatest game ever invented. Yes, one minute. One minute. Basketball is over. Football yet to begin with the only game in town now. You haven't even gotten to the NBA draft at the beginning of NFL training camps like nine days here where sports fans have to pay attention to it. You have to. It's 30 seconds. You're down the 30 seconds. Okay. Okay. Oakland A's.

Oakland A's. I highlighted them last week for their income. Seven game winning streak since you were successful. Seven and O. Seven. You ripped them. Yes. Longest winning streak in baseball.

And just last night, the Oakland fans threw a reverse boycott. Where they drew the biggest crowd of a year yet, together and fight for their A's by leading chance directed at owner John Fisher to sail the team. Sell that was beautiful thing. Watching them shout out there low for their community and their game. We got to go. We got to go.

Brock my word. Time's up. We got to get out of here with you enough enough. Now, well, I'm not even as lit as I usually get. Uh, next week we'll talk to you again next week. Sure, as long as the checks keep clearing, which they have, or until you start shown up to work and at like a dirty loose robe,

which at this rate will probably be by August, right? Thank you, Brock Meyer. Good talking to you, good seeing you again. We will talk to you again next week. Enjoy the drinks. School. School. Yeah, see, it's just hammered beyond all reason here. Thank you for being a good guy. Look how cast into your Christian bra.

I feel like a bit of an idiot right because I've been yelling at Brockmeyer about his podcast, his podcast, his do, it's supposed to have celebrity guests. He hasn't actually done it. He's generally irresponsible, but I am loathed to admit that I've enjoyed him showing up here every week or so on a semi-regular basis to talk about just sports stuff. And I didn't know, I forgot that it was today that you were coming in, and so I didn't dress better. You crushed me last week. So what are we doing today with my, let's do a fit check here, because I really came in poorly

dressed today. Yeah. Yeah. Cause the other days you're such a fashion plate. Let's take a look at you today. Well, Dan, you look like you stopped by the studio on your way to teach the least popular curves class and existence. Is there like a special section of Dick's boarding goods that sells workout gear for the man who has everything, but wants to look like he's got nothing. Because if there, what are you just, you just go down there and just empty entire accent

to your credit. All right. Let's get to game three last night. You like the kudos. By the way, there was less whining about the podcast this time. Soon we'll have no whining, but progress, not percent. We're supposed to have a podcast.

We're supposed to have a podcast. No, I shouldn't have said anything. Here we go. Okay, regardless. I suppose I have a podcast. My head is enormous. You really sounds like you. I don't understand, though.

Okay, never mind. Are you supposed to do his job? Enjoy what you have. My goodness, Mr. Glass half empty and hat quite full. I never noticed that. You do got like one of those Brian Robinson fake hats. Yeah, yeah, the big hats, comically big hats, Dan.

I look who's to a pot calling kettle black. What's on your head? What the hell is on your head, sir? My god, it's like Miami took a shit on your head Speaking of Miami game three last night. What were your thoughts, Brock? My because we'll get to baseball. I suppose maybe not, but you have all random sports thoughts on all things topical Yeah, we'll get to baseball for sure but you have all random sports thoughts on all things topical.

Yeah, we'll get to baseball for sure. I understand. Uh, is your studio right across from the arena? Is that correct? Yes. Uh-huh. Okay. So maybe you can hang a sign on the front of your building. There it is.

Remind Miami Heat fans that a basketball game is in fact 48 minutes long because every time the team is losing in the last few minutes of a finals game, the entire lower bowl turns tail and exits the building. I mean, you would have thought that after missing out on Ray Allen shot there, they would have learned their lesson, but no. Four minutes to go in this one, they all walked out. Well, it looked like the love guru started playing on the jumbo tron or something. Remember the love guru? Love, anyone love guru started playing on the jumbo tron or something file remember the love guru love anyone love

go yeah like my my my my's for a while we're all like what can't mic my is do and and and then we found out we found out in the love guru uh... can we get back to the game please yes uh... interesting game he gave up thirty-point triple doubles to Yokech and Murray. Very difficult to outgrip a team when they're throwing up those numbers against you. But the difference in the game was Christian Brown. I mean my God, what a performance from the nuggets rookie there. I got it. I was very taken with this PG-13 good looks and

muscular build and hair cut you can set your watch to I am not I'm not ashamed to say this This young man gave me a sports media boner that lasted for more than three hours. I had to contact my doctor Which by the way you know that that state of affairs, you know this damn laboratory, that's what's known as a T-bow, that level of arouse. Because now every once in a while, there comes a white player, a white boy with real athleticism, not scrappy, not an effort guy, a real player with a face that looks like it's just dying to talk about Jesus Christ all the time.

Yeah, he's the kind of an eight-winner who'll be a lot of awful terrible people's favorite person. Kind of, he can just lift an entire sports network for months this year. Do you have any sports analysis that isn't that Christian Brown is white? I have real Christian Brown analysis all kidding aside. As a rookie, he might lack NBA experience, but that also means it that his recent college experience includes a lot more zone defense than any of his teammates out there. He's the only nugget who's ever broken down a zone in a championship game that last year in a tournament with Kansas, finding soft spots, back cuts, pocket passes to slice up my amuse two three and two two one zone. That comes easy to him. He's already done it at the very, very

highest level. So he's good. That's good analysis. It's coaching non-racialized analysis. Thank you very much. Now, you're welcome, Dan. Now, if I could find one word to describe the way Christian bound. I'm sorry, I'm hitting it. What is it now? That's a brown liquor. You're, well, you'll be a professional. I got the Sazerec with the Kaluah, because it's morning time and some coffee.

Makes those two things, broccoli, it's your response. What do you mean you, look, I use Srikan, I got it right here. Look at it. Season four on Hulu, weren't you sober? Oh, wow. I can't decide what you want more about.

My sobriety, the fact that you don't get a podcast. My goodness. We should. Don't slay your words when we're talking. I'm sorry. I'm sure I should be professional. Christian Brown, I want to get back to him. Because there's one way to describe the way he plays.

One word, in fact, and that word is caucasity. He plays with a certain kind of pale skin daring do. He's reclaiming the word from all the carons and the aggressive ponytail to hippies out there no longer, no longer will caucasity, only referred to demanding to see the manager or wearing Tiva sandals in public no thanks to Christian Brown will also include his magnificent magnificent performance off the bench today. Don Lebertard! Well Charlie sent Charlie had this Charlie as far as I know so just Charlie's title in my book. You're gonna say any

things to guts. How familiar were you at the time with Chubac? Like how you're upbringing, how much Chubac in it? This is the Don Lebatar show with this two guts. I mean, it's been chasing around the Yokech brothers. He's warning people don't make jokes at the expense of the Yokech brothers. Do you have anything to warn Brockck my about in the event that he

uh... doesn't know that he needs to be careful around the yokich brothers so brock my i did a video in dember about how i thought the yokich brothers were myth and there's something propaganda created by the dember media to make yokich seem a lot scarier than he really is and then i saw them yesterday and let me just tell you the myths myths are true, the legends are true. It's like the Loch Ness Monster and the Yeti and the Abonement all rolled into one. The dude was breathing fire and tattoos on his body were moving as I saw them. Have you ever seen these creatures up close?

No, I haven't, but even through the television, I'm with you. I would encourage Miami Heat fans in those lower sections down there to be very, very careful. Because it was all court side adjacent. And at that price point, I'm assuming that Miami fans who got tickets were like shady mortgage brokers and shady pharmaceutical executives

or maybe shady club owners, but just not the type of man who should be challenging to dead-eyed Serbian giants to a test of wills, okay? The rich sheet fans, these are balding men in tight shirts who employ goons. They never put themselves in a position to throw hands with goons. They have two settings, those Yokeych fellas, seething and rage. And I would hide before being on the receiving end either of them and we get some

predictions here because the heat looked like they're in trouble they uh... they they i want to know what you think it's going to happen the rest of the series here i don't know the only thing i'm sure of is that i would love it because i am a i'm a big fan of high stakes basketball these are the highest stakes possible because as you know then i'm a big fan of your patented the Dan Levitard heat culture is actually a cult theory. I think that's some of your finest words. That's not how that happened. And Brock, why are you? You put it forward. You said it. You put it forward. I've given you credit for it. So based

on past results, these finals go one of two ways. Yes. This is either the greatest victory in cult history. So passing even when Scientology extorted the IRS into declaring it a religion so that they could attain tax-free status, Google that, it's true kids, or it goes the other way. Spectacular imposion that can be seen from a distance and lingers like a foul stench, like a wake-over, Jones town, Dan, don't drink the Kool-Aid. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that how you address is apparently what you're used to.

That TLC, can you speak up, please? It's supposed to be a funny, like, little rockmire. Thank you. I'm running out of time this segment, but I'm not done with you because there are other things that I want to ask you about including uh... the serious subject matter uh... believe i have this right uh... one of the times you were on with us it seemed like you were doing work for the Saudis that

uh... that you were contaminated and corrupt as well i have that right yes it didn't seem that way it was that way alright so i want to ask you about what just lived just did and hopefully we'll get to baseball at some point. Come back with... You did live do something. I didn't hear. I'll have to look into it and get back to you. Come back with us, would you? It's coming back to me now because I was embarrassed by it at the time, but he has a way of disarming me because he's charming and drunk. But last time you were on with us, or two or three times ago, it was clear.

Yes, that you had been bought by the the Saudi wealth fund. And you're just now looking like a pioneer, Brockmeyer, because at the time I was judging you for it, but now the live PGA merger proves that you're just changing the game because you just got that money before other corrupt contaminated people didn't. As usual, I was one step ahead of everybody. I'm getting pretty lit up here. Yeah, yeah, says no, I took that I get through I took their money dance hold you that while ago. And you know what else? You're not going to get me to denigrate those great and honorable men over there. You know why I'm not going to do that? Damn.

I don't. Because I like my limbs attached to my body. That's why I'm not stacked like cordwood on the linoleum bathroom floor of a courtyard by Marriott. All right. Linoleum. Linoleum. It's a tough word. I'm not drinking, but it is a tough word. Linoleum. I'm not trying to get you into any trouble, but can you give me any insight into why it is that you and PJ commissioner, Jay Monahan end up taking their money for to sell their souls? Sure, because we're horrors, Dan Levertard has ever insight. That is why we took the money.

But what are we alone? We're not alone. It's the age of horrors. Yeah. We're the only choice you ever get is what piece of yourself are you willing to sell? American life right now, it just feels like, you know what American life feels like right now?

That scene in Lord of the Rings where they're running away from that giant fire demon, the battle rog, I believe he was called. And the only escape is a bridge that's just collapsing beneath their feet. Only one way, way, excuse me. The bridge of Kazoo Doom. Kazoo Doom, even nerder than I am, amazing.

I thought Valrog was a deep cut. Barragapurgaath, by the way. But wow, what kind of nerd, what is the nerd festival going on? Are you looking that up or was that actually handy in your brain? Looking what up. Ah yeah, okay. Whatever she said, you're running along that thing. It's collapsing beneath your feet

and the only way to escape certain doom, man I'm lit up, it's a leak from rock to rock. The only, you can only, you have to make more money that that's the only way you can survive. We're all on only fans in one way or another, except for Dan Levitari. So for you, I know you, Dan, are living a life without compromise because there's a small child. You dream of having an empire funded by sports gambling being available right in the palm of your hand. Dream fulfilled. Thanks to the wonderful people of draft games. But

the rest of us, we're not so lucky. Some of us still have to hustle for a living. So yeah, a so-mud dignity and my big fat mouth for what now looks like a very small amount of money. Are you saying the commissioner of the PGA prostituted himself? No, because if he had actually done that, I would respect it a lot more than what he did. Like if J. Monahan decided to hang out and run down Bathroom stall at an abandoned public park, given out handies for crumpled up $20 bills, that would be a lot more honorable than what he actually did. See, because to me, voluntarily, tugging on somebody's put, that's no difference. That's like,

Paul and 11 in some factory. Like you're putting food on the table, you're trying to keep a roof over your head. Only difference is the hours and the bathrooms are all better than at the factory. But on a hand, he's not struggling to get by. Now is he?

He's not some down on his luck, poorly dressed baseball broadcaster, who will gladly pin himself out to draft kings. Now that live is going out of business. By the way, no to draft kings. I am available. No. J. Monahan, very, very rich man already. Ten's of millions of dollars in the bank. Set for life, kids are set for life, which means he didn't sell his entire soul for a piece of mind or a security. He sold it for a bigger yacht, docked at a more expensive club. Ah, a year ago he stood in front of every microphone and camera that he could and he planted a pedestal atop the highest

horse to wag his finger at anybody who'd ever dare accept blood money. But he turns out to be the kind of twisted freak, for whom the illusion of ethics, now it's not a negotiating tactic to get the maximum amount of that same blood money pumped right into his veins. Absolutely, despecable. And something I would have done in a second if they gave me half a chance, as would most people.

Except, except, for Dan, of course, we named him and one other, Chosen Golden Man, just a Christ-like figure who has rejected the hundreds of millions of dollars the Saudi wealth fund offered him so that he can accept slightly less money to live and play in Miami. I'm of course talking about Mr. Lionel message. Cheers to you guys. Oh wow! You tricked me, Brock Meyer. What kind of, it is that?

Which are rude. I mean, it's August, this is the biggest news in the history of professional soccer in America. It should be celebrated, especially by my Emmy's own Dan Levitard, but I did find it. Did you hear him? I found it a little amusing the way Messy spoke about his desire to come and play in the MLS.

He said he wanted to come to the United States on quoting now, to live football in another way and enjoy the day to day more, to live and play soccer in a calmer way, he said, which basically means like so many others before him, he's moving the Florida,

so he can an active retirement. So, you know, I look forward to watching him be the best player in MLS history as he lets himself go and gets a pot melody and grabs a tank. Yeah, that is the way to do it. It is shocking to me. Now that one more thing about the messy thing. It's the very idea that he would give up $600 million from the Saudis to move to Florida. Personally, I would not live in Florida if you paid me $600 million. Enough with this, Brock Meier. It's my home state.

Come on, knock it off. What are you doing? I'm sorry, Florida. Coasts are nice for parts of the year, I suppose. And I'm sure the paved over swamps of Central Florida have some good people in them who don't know any better, I guess. But it does not matter to me. If Shangri-Laid self was located south of Tallahassee,

I would still avoid it because you know why? I refuse to live in any place where I would ever be forced to see Rondesantis' face on my television more than I already do. My God. God. Honestly, have you ever seen such a vacuous, charmless void of a person? It's laugh. It's even as laugh as hideous. It just looks like a horse eating an apple.

Doesn't it? Teeth and strain neck and effort. Now look at him. Oh, and now that he's running for president, oh, look at him. What's his first order of business? Run over president. First thing he does, takes large

a tax money to trick a group of asylum seekers in Texas. What's he doing, bothering with folks over there? So they can be thrown in a private plane to Sacramento so they can be dropped off at a Catholic church as some kind of a prank. Yeah. He's like the Johnny Knoxville of human trafficking now, just tooth laughing at the very idea of human empathy.

Gee, I guess, I guess Dan, I guess it's the woke mind virus now to think that people should be treated as something other than livestock, huh? What a, just a, he's a, I wanna clean this up for radio or whatever we're on, but he's a, I'm gonna choose my words carefully. He's a rancid little that's what he was thinking guns. I didn't notice that. You know you know wait you know you know I this just came to me who he reminds me of in all seriousness. Do you remember the movie Weird Science? Remember that? Yes. Extraordinarily problematic tale of two horned teenagers who conjure up Kelly LeBrock on their computers so they can have sex with her. It's a heartwarming

story. Any whoodle. That is exactly what happened. In that movie. There was a bully in that movie named Chet. Remember him? He gets turned into this giant monster. That's true. That's Ron DeSantis. That's who he reminds me of DeSantis. But actually, that doesn't hold up because Chet was played by the legendary Bill Paxton

in one of his earliest roles. Really? Yeah. Yeah, look that up. And even as a monster, Bill Paxton had more charm in humanity than DeSantis could ever convey in a thousand lifetimes. Plus at the end of the film, Paxson as Shit expresses, you know, tangible regret for being so disgusting and repellent, which of course DeSantis would never ever do.

And old Ronnie Boy, he's the unrepentant kind monster just vomiting, fill, fall around him and then blaming you for having the audacity to be bothered by the smell. Well, all right. Wretched, wretched God, Florida. Here's to Florida. All right, enough though. No politics with your sports.

You're supposed to be doing a baseball segment for us. Don't we have, I don't think we have any imaging ready because we never do. Don't we have a strike for with Jim Brockmeyer segment that we're supposed to be doing here? Greg for. So that's the name our baseball segment. I don't know. I don't know. I some of you guys came up with it. It's supposed to be sold. We don't have sponsoring. I was hoping to get pills. We don't have it. Oh, I was hoping to get pills. We don't have it. Oh!

You do have to kill? That's the music. We don't have a library or catalog. We can't afford real music, so it's ragtime. This is like the bar scene in the first Star Wars movie. There's a lot more than that. It's 40 years before that. A saloon.

Well, it's Iceland, Cantina. With flappers. Pills. Pills was a a light hitting a second basement for the Philadelphia Phillies back in the 40s and what you call it strike for yes for with Jim Brock yeah thanks guy I'm sure that boy I'm sure your producers have given almost as much thought to that name as they did their lunch order to thank you so bad but yeah I here to, I'm here to talk about the biggest

story in baseball this week. Can we kill the music now? Because it's throwing me off, filling that, Han shot first, by the way. Yes, he did. Yeah, he did. Han shot first. All right. Biggest story in baseball this week. Oakland A's. In the running, this is true for the worst baseball team in baseball history, which newsflash folks goes back a very, very long way. Beginning of June, that's where we are. They've already been outscored by 200 runs. That is stultifying. They are 14 and 50, which means they are challenging not only just the expansion match record of 40 and 120 in 1962, but the Cleveland spiders record of 20 and 134, which comes all the way back from 1899. Nothing that happened in 1899 should

ever be repeated in 2023. Now that era was like all of the industrialism and all of the racism, all at once. Let's not go back there now why are the age so bad and because john fisher their owner wants them to be bad he figures that the worst they are the easier it'll be to move the team to last Vegas but who's john fisher who is he he is the fail son of the two founders of the gap clothing empire isn't capitalism fun isn't it just we all bought jeans in them all 30 years ago and now Oakland doesn't get to have a baseball team unless the stadium funding deal that they are seeking from Nevada is not a sure to go in through Fisher might

have paid the a so darn bad that nobody wants to pony up a billion dollars in tax dollars to get them so maybe maybe, maybe for once somebody born on third doesn't get to fail their way across home plate. But you know, as usual, I have my doubts about anything good ever happening again. So I'm not holding my breath. I'm just going to drink my glue and coffee and say, breath smells like liquor too early in the morning. Do you have anything to plug before you get out of here? Not really. But I do have a, I do well apart from begging somebody to give me a job. Now that I'm out of here? Not really, but I do have a, I do well apart from begging somebody to give me a job.

Now that I'm out of my live golf job, but I do have a call to action to your audience if I'm not dead. I would just love it if people out there listening could take clips of Chef Monster from Weird Science, take clips of him talking, the guy talking, and play audio of Ron DeSantis being a weasel little ginkgo berry underneath it.

And then tweet it at the show. Why I don't know, I just, I think I would just find an amusing and it's better than actually having a look at his stupid face. All right, very good rock fire. You can't talk like that on the podcast. We'll talk to you next week. Just a damn let me talk just this. Sober up please sir. Thank you.

It's a cold in the studio because the nerdy lady who was yelling out to Lord of the Ring stuff is all in a washing a blankie. But she only feels safe in there with you with you animals wrapped up like that. I wouldn't blame her. Rock, fire, there's forced to talk to Samson. Welcome him back, Brockmeyer. Quite excited that he is here. Hello. Hello.

Hello. How thank you, David. Boy, that was a quick intro. Usually I'm used to Dan whining at me, you know, that I'm drunk, which, by the way, I'm even for me. Even for me that I'm that I'm drunk, which by the way, I'm even for me, even for me, I'm a little more than usual today. And usually he winds at me about being drunk and not giving him a podcast. So you threw me there with that quick intro. Well, Dan's not here today. Well, great. Okay. Always a pleasure to be back on the Dan

Levitard show was to go where is Dan? Is he in the bathroom or something? Because I imagine it Dan's age and health level that his prostate is about the size of a compact European sedan. So, you know, I'm guessing that is number one. It's probably take about as long as his number two's these days. Either way, either way, he's definitely sitting down. So yeah, Dan, take a load off. You deserve the rest. I can, Either way, either way, he's definitely sitting down. So yeah, Dan, take a load off. You deserve the rest. I can wait.

He's not, but you're saying he's not there at all? Like he's like not in the studio? He is nowhere in my view. But what does that mean? You lost track of him? It's a narrow view. Great, okay. So you guys are a well-ordered machine there, huh?

All right, so Dan's a wall. I'll just kind of talk to Stu Gotts. But before I do, let me turn down the brightness here in my computer monitor, because I'd rather not witness the damage that a week of following the grateful dead around can do to a man's already sunken eyes and his gray skin tone. If Stu Gotts has gone full-galllem, I got to wear some kind of protective blindfold or something. I'm sorry to tell you that still gots shockingly is not here either. Are you are you kidding me? Are you speaking serious? Do gots is not there either? This is the Dan Levitard show with Stu gots. And so there's no Dan Levitard or two gots today. Great. I got

what's your name again, sir? David, David Samson, as in Samson and Delilah. They threw you out there? Never heard that one. Well, what am I? Oh, excuse me. Was that just a little trite for you? I didn't come up with something clever enough.

I'm just trying to get your name right, because I don't know who the heck you are. I mean, I feel like I showed up to Yankee Stadium to watch a little league game. Did the good people at Draft King's know about this? Do they know that they're paying good money for the JV squad to get in some reps here today? And I just thought of a better question.

Why am I here if mom and dad are gone? Why am I being forced to sit at the kids table with David Samson and Delilah? I can actually assure you, Brock Meyer, that I am perfectly fine handling the show. Okay, David. Excuse me. Point well taken, but I mean no disrespect now, but you can't handle shit, sir. Okay? Because I've seen clips, excuse me, circulating online and make sure what was that walking you around on the leash while you're begging them for his telephone number? Good, God. And just to head you right off at the past, no, can't have my number either. If I ever get curious about how you and your friends,ison baseball and Florida so thoroughly that the marlins can't even draw 8,000 people to watch a 400 hitter. I'll just look that up on your Wikipedia page, okay?

Should we write under the controversy heading? Write in the picture a mic sure bending over his knee and spanking your what I imagine is your hairy ass until it's red. Good gosh David, I'm sorry David Samson. That might have come off a little disrespectful, but for me it's red. Good gosh David, I'm sorry David Samson, that might have come off a little disrespectful. But for me, it's not. That's just throat clearing. I just, I have to get that stuff out of my system before I can really get going. So don't worry, I did not mean all of that. It was a little bit mean. I did mean most of it, but I didn't mean all of it. So anyway, I'm so glad I'm drinking today. What would you like to talk about, David? That people know very well that my ass is not hairy.

What? People know that well? What do they call that only fans? What do you want our only fans with your buttocks? NBA, so David Samson buttocks. What we want to talk about, it's beginning Friday, Brock Meyer, what predictions? I just need a neck brace, a neck brace

for the transition there. So David, David Samson's but to NBA free agency, got it. Okay. What would you like to know about the NBA free agency, David Samson's buttocks? I want to know who's going where. Well, I only have one prediction, It's hard to say, right? That prediction is that Damian Lillard

is not gonna come to Miami, no matter how much everybody down there at the Metal Arc Media Studio might wish that he was. No, I'm sorry to be anti-Santa Claus or whatever, but the most likely scenario is that he just stays put because Damian, the Trailblazers organization have a sit-and-nancy level of co-dependence over there.

The only way it appears they're going to band on each other is through a player slash organization murder slash suicide. But if Lillard is traded, I believe he'll go to the Brooklyn Nets because they'll offer a pick some players is far, far better for a rebuilding timeline than anything the heat can offer. Now, I know what fans are saying down there and I don't totally disagree with it, but what if what if Miami is deemed preferred destination? What if that's where the guy wants to go? Well, to that, I would remind them that Lillard, unlike Bradley B.O. fascinatingly, does not get to choose his destination through a no-trade clause, which means that the only way you can come to Miami is through the altruism of the Portland owners, just the sheer charity, charity by them at the expense of their own bottom line. Now, David Samson's buttocks, I know, I know about your belief in the good-hearted nature of the billionaire class. You've been very clear about that.

That billionaire succeed because of their brilliant minds and their gentle souls, but personally, I never had a taste for blatant bootlicking. So my belief swings wildly in the opposite direction. So to settle this disagreement as objectively as possible, I want to be fair to you, okay? You and your and all the people on only fans who just love your buttocks. Let's turn over to Google, okay? Let's look at Google here. Let's see your own to trailblazers. That's the first thing. I know that Paul Allen

The co-founder of Microsoft used to own them. So let's see which new bootstrapped American genius is in charge of the team these days Got it his sister Judy. And her top advisor is Paul Allen's college roommate, boy. A nepoto sister and a nepoto dorm assignment. But listen, I am sure they are just a couple of gentle sweethearts. Nope, hold up on that one, David's buttocks flag on the play. Cause I'm reading an article of accusations of,

and I'm quoting now, toxic workplace, harassment of bodyguards amazingly, and wow, huh, a refusal to speak with Damien Lillard or his camp. Now who woulda think it? Gee, I guess, wow, I got to take a minute because I guess America isn't a meritocracy. And that maybe billionaires only care about the accumulation of assets and power at the expensive humanity. So no, I don't think

Portland is just going to drop off Damien Lillard on my Amherst doorstep holding out a nice bottle of wine out of the goodness of their hearts. I don't think that. Well, if you don't think that, what other teams are you looking at this weekend? Well, you're a good sport. I got to say that, David. I'm just like, I'm just ramroddened you. And you're just asking me polite questions. I got admire your professional demeanor.

I really do. And your haircut. You're looking good. What did you ask me? What was it? I'm just so taken with you. What did you say? I am so distracted by your brilliance that I need to know what other teams should we be looking out for as NBA free agency starts this weekend. Oh, all right. Sacramento, Sacramento. They seem poised to me to make a move as many have pointed out, but because of all the contenders,

they're the only team with huge amounts of cap space, right? But pardon me, Sazarak, come back up on me. Excuse me. But much like insults about you, I have to get that out or I can't go on. And everything I'm reading, the keep matching, and I'm quoting this, a Sacramento tax. You heard about that? We're just like adding another 20% on top of a free agent's tab just to get them to want to move to Sacramento. I mean, that's got to be disheartening to those King Fands livin in Sacramento. I mean, sometimes it must feel like the entirety of NBA fandom is just laughing at them.

And that's because they are, David. And that laughter is deafening. But, you know, at least the people of Sacktown can console themselves with the fact that they do not live in Oklahoma City. That's right. I'm circling back to that. There's no such thing as an O.K.C. free agency tax because no NBA player would ever choose to go there of his own volition. The only way the thunder can even feel the team these days is to accumulate enough draft picks thereby forcing teenagers, young men, into indentured servitude.

The contract that can last up to seven years. Seven years, seven, an O.K.C. of driving, three hour drive to Dallas, just to have some fun. Seven years of pretending, oh, you know, that Indian restaurant, that wasn't that bad. Seven years of convincing yourself, hey, this zoo, this is the best zoo in the state.

No, thank you. Keep your millions of dollars. I'd much rather get the Sacramento tax. Again, I apologize to anybody in OKC catching these trays. I wish there was some wave. I wish, you know what, Oklahoma people, I wish there was some way for you to control my constant shots. But unfortunately, Oklahoma is an open-carry state.

So I can just keep firing. I can just keep firing in so much until I'm unafraid of living there, which will be exactly never. Thank you, Brock Mar. Oh, you're so welcome, Dave. Oh, Dave. I know how welcome sir. I'm touched at your view of Oklahoma and I'm very happy to be here. thank you rock mar but we got so welcome to all

i don't know what i was to say i'm touched at your view of oklahoma and a view thinking that that's what we should be watching a lot of basketball for rock mara there's so much baseball that i love all sports and i love uh... i love to get samson i mean i'm just very inspired today by david's sort of is like a madman vibe coming off you, David. Can I convince you to talk baseball at some point?

Because there's a lot that's going on in that sport that is meaningful to me. Of course. I know you're a baseball man and as am I and I'm excited. That's why they ostensibly why they bring me here to talk baseball. But now I'm obsessed with my own madman observation. There's somebody in that cast you remind me of. It's definitely not Don Draper. I can't figure out which one, which one of them are you?

I think you're the guy who got the girl pregnant. Then they totally dropped that storyline for reasons I don't understand. Pete Campbell. Yeah. Pete, thank you. Oh, is that nerdy? A Lord of the Rings lady? I see. Ah, nice that nerdy? Lord of the Rings lady? I a she

Yeah, nice to hear from you again. So you watch all shows not just nerd out over the sci-fi I nerd out over madmen too. Yeah, well me too. I'm right with you there. Got very good taste in there Surrounded by the the freaks anyway Well, we talk baseball. Oh my gosh. Okay. It's the best thing that we can talk to you about because of all of the storylines that revolve around Miami. There are several, you know, I mentioned one, which is you ruining the whole the whole deal down there. But the first of all, the rules, the new rules, right? You'll agree, working with flying color. I mean, we are not used to things getting better in America,

but I'm telling you, with baseball is true this year. The games are consistently under three hours. They feature speed, just speed all over the field, which means we've reached soccer levels of entertainment now. I mean, we even have new rules for extra innings, which seem like random. But, you know, just like the extra time in soccer, right? So you hear that soccer baseball is now once again, excuse me,

America's third favorite sport, number three with a bullet, baby. Bullet that will never, ever, ever come close to number two. But still a very exciting time. I mean, we had a, a perfect game last night, only 24 of those out there, granted against the A's. So it's got to come with some kind of asterisk. But, you know, things are getting exciting everywhere. Real athletes, real ones are playing the game again.

These are not your daddy's John Crookes. Spit in tobacco on carpets, a green asterotor. I'm talking about honest to God, physical freaks. Like Ellie did a cruise, six foot five-inch, rookie shortstop Cincinnati already the fastest player in the game hits op-o tacos as if they were pop flies 21 years old he is single-handedly lifted the reds from the depths of the standings all the way to first place and unlike in Miami

they're packing the stadium there for the first time in a year's it's get as the greatest thing to since an ad since they added spaghetti noodles to chili for some unbelievably horrific reason. But there is a better athlete in the game. We know who that is. Stop me if you heard it before, kids. Shohei O'Tani, my goodness, this week two homerunsy hit, struck out 10 guys in the same game.

It's insane. God, I get crazy talking about him. This should be what everybody in America is talking about. Not Trump waving around secret documents or not Biden sundowning. I mean, because this is something unprecedented. This is like something holy and an already sacred game. Networks should be interrupting regularly scheduled programming for every single and bad of this guy cultured form. Preying to the back of Shohei Otani's baseball card. You know what, David, maybe people compare him to Babe Ruth, right?

To me, no comparison. Otani is far, far superior, right? You heard me right. I saw JJ Reddick Barry Bob Kuzi dead in the ditch. I'm gonna do him one better Babe Ruth overrated. Whoa over a balloon man with hot dog scraps and gin Building them up who took a running start at baseball practice fastballs in a segregated league

I mean for his era great pitcher and a great hitter, but he never did both at the same time. Like, Shohei Otani does every single week, every week Otani blesses us with a blah blah blah. I gotta take it. I get a little worked up. Otani blesses us every week with a reinvention of the eternal.

It's amazing. And he's going to be a whole lot richer than Babe Ruth ever was in one season. Amen. Amen. All right, Bob Meyer. I mean, you know, how about that Tampa Bay's entire payroll isn't as much as what Vertelander gets for a season? Is that right that's not right it's it's almost right it's close to right

the real issue around these teams is they're spending a lot of money and they're not getting anything for it the max the pod raise and they look at the reds or the marlins and they say you know what we don't have to spend and waste all this money they're gonna see what they do with Otani. What else do you want to plug here before we gotta go? Well, see where Otani goes.

It is gonna be for a lot of money. And I think he will deliver wherever he goes. But plug, I got nothing else to plug, nothing for me. I do remain upset with Dan for abandoning me. So I would like, you know what I'm gonna plug, I'm gonna plug Dan Levittard's email address, which is, you don't know, this is fine.

Relax, it's Dan the Man Levittard, that's all one word, at aol.com. You heard that right, aol.com. The man runs a startup for Christ's sake and he just pollutes the inboxes of his employees with that fill. I mean, you think a green bubble in the group chat is annoying. Just wait until you see Dan Levitard barf up memories of the old 56K dial up right in your inbox embarrassing. Powerful. Feel free to email Dan and tell him so Dan the man libertarian a well calm. Let him know. Thank you, Brock Meyer for not giving out

his cell phone. So this is not all of our last days in the studio.