The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Best of DLS: Mike Schur

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

Meadowlark Media Intern Mike Schur has joined the show as much as anyone around our universe, and when he hasn't been telling us his Stat of the Day or sharing the horrors of his nightmares about Jimmy Butler, he's spent some time regaling the crew with his own "Observations," shattering "Look at me Louie" records, and even revealing his own Top 5 lists. Here's a sample of some of his best work as an intern. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. You are the best of the damn number tortuous with stucous. You're best of my shirt. How to be perfect. With my shirt, creator of the good police, Parks and Rec. Wanna encourage the audience and the people who support us to support the new book, How to Be Perfect, the correct answer to every moral question is available

today. Mike sure is joining us. He's written the book and I don't mean to be paternal and I'm sorry if it sounds this way, but I'm legitimately proud that this man with so much going on in his life decided to tackle this project because the pandemic and some of the selfishness in the world bothered him so much that he decided to write a book about every philosopher throughout time, how they would answer every question. It's a philosophy book. It's a degree of difficulty book. It's got comedy in it, and I encourage you to buy it because it's available today. He also does for

Metal Arc Media, the Pazcast, with Joe Paznansky, and it's great. It's their fun and their smart and their sports analysis is excellent when they dain to talk about sports, which isn't all that often. So I want you to support what it is Mike's doing because I'm telling you that this project of his was a big tackle. How's the reception gone so far, Mike? And thank you. We've got a lot of different things we want to do with you here, including something wonderful for Stugat.

But how is the project going with the book and how is it being received? First of all, thank you, Dad. That was a very nice view to say that you're proud of me. It's going well. I mean, I don't know. We'll see in a week or so, I guess, if people bought it and liked it, but it was a labor of love that came out of making the show the good place and thinking about this stuff and talking about it with some very smart and funny people for about a part of six years. And it was sort of, I, it was sort of like my exit interview from, from writing that show. It was like, here's everything I learned. And I'm going to try to present it in a way that people can actually enjoy instead of

the, the original philosophy books, which are usually dense and opaque and unreadable. So I'm, I'm proud of it. I'm happy that I did it. It was not easy to do, although it did give me something to focus on during the pandemic when I was locked in my house. But you say labor of love. It was also a labor born of fear and horror. Correct. You're decent about these things. But what is happening in this country is like, you don't get more appalled than you get when you worry about the threats to democracy all around us. That's true, although I started writing it before the pandemic, before a lot of this stuff had happened. So it was a combo platter. I think this stuff is really important every day.

And then also recently, especially in this country, some things have happened that have made it even more important. I tried not to make the book political or about the pandemic, although it would have been kind of easy to do that. It's really just about like looking around and trying to figure out maybe how we can all be like one percent better. It's the money ball approach to morality, I guess. It's like, let's just try to get like one or two percent better in a bunch of different arenas in our lives. And then that arising tide will lift all boats. That's the basic idea. So leftist liberal hackery.

That's right. Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, we assume that for me, right? That's, that's a gift. Hollywood elite. Hollywood elite is leftist, yeah, specialist, whatever, sure, go ahead. Okay.

So we're asking you to support the people who support us. And this, this podcast is climbing because it is a lot of fun And you know, he has smart people around that he has fun with and this guy We like to have fun here. This guy is somebody who has been doing comedy for a generation of people across Saturday night live Good place and you know Brooklyn 9 9 Parks and Rec so With that as your introductions to guys, you know what's coming up9 parks and rec. So with that as your introductions, do you know what's coming up here? Because one of the best moments we've had in the last year is when Mike

Shore during freedom did a ripoff of you, a copycat, an homage of just Stu got his weekend observation. It was incredible. I was honored. I have thanked Mike a couple of times via text, but I have no idea what's about to happen. Mike, do you know? And by the way, I was a silly I have thanked Mike a couple of times via text, but I have no idea what's about to happen Mike Do you know by the way? I was a silly award-winning performance. Yeah Congratulations. Oh, yes So what do you want to tell us because he does not know we have teased him today saying we've got something delightful going on because that's as happy as I've seen him in a year when you were doing during freedom you want a great comedy writer was basically doing a rip off of stugots.

It's he was joyous. Yes. Well, you know, I'm a huge fan of the show. And I listened to it. I listened to some part of it essentially every day. I've been listening to it every day in the new year in 2022. And I have made some observations here in January. In this time for Mike sure to share his game notes.

No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my voice. Mike sure. January observations is brought to you by DraftKings. Lost another 16 parlay and hoping to salvage your weekend by taking the under on Minnesota Boston College women's eye hockeytalkie? Try Draftkins! Dan! After a solid thrashing at the hands of the Alabama Crimson Tide, it looked like all was lost, but then came a thrilling national championship game where that defeat was

avenged and a title was delivered to the Peach State for the first time in 40 years and after that decisive victory make no mistake about it. supports Mike's hair, mayor, they Mike, he excuses and explanations to get out of shaving your head. When it's clear that you're supposed to shave your head, the endless appeals and explanations and filibusters that have gone on so long, we're all annoyed and kind of just want to let you win. Mike, the stew gots is strong in you. You're playing both charge. It's a heavy play by you, my friend. No pun intended. The show would be better

intended. The show would be better without Mike Smollett, business in the front, disaster in the back. Shave it. I'm just kidding. Never shave my life. Why? Because bleep them. That's why. Hey, new metal arc media drinking game. We all do a shot of tequila. Every time Dan Lebitard says the phrase, across decades, we will all be dead by 11 AM. Hey, Dan, you can just say for 20 years, or for the last 30 years, you've been using

the phrase across decades across two decades. Chris Cody fired by ESPN, rehired by Dan, wondering where he fits in and metal, darkark media and all it took for him to find his place was to royally screw up and ad read so badly that the company had no choice but to lean in and embrace the futility sheets and giggles shiggles thorough incompetence Thompadence And yet he is by far the more talented What happened there Chris Whittingham

Good morrow, my fine sir. Pretty dizz thou see the arsenal liver bowl fixture. In the carabal cup semis, the gunners had the run of play. And we're by a fair bit to the better side. But the liver puddley and swashbuckling attack grew into strong. And the Dioga Yoda brace proved the difference You're British that's what I'm saying Tonson throw it is person

A person Now please don't tell Dan that we recently had a lengthy text exchange About international test cricket It's true. Ready. I recently listened to a local hour and heard David Samson take a bold and brave stance in favor of coaches hitting their players on the head. You rarely hear the pro side bad argument.

So I salute you, David says, and for standing up for what you believe in, which in this case was that coaches should be allowed to hit their players on the head. You know what the eye and David stands for dead? It stands for I think it's fine when coaches hit their players on the head. David Samson appearing in a documentary about Woody Hayes, Collision Course. That's right. I just dropped a Woody Hayes. Cody loved it. I did because he's been the standard for coaches punching players on the head across deck across five deck and great job by you. Jessica Smetana, the only person in the world whose top three sports interests

are the Pittsburgh Steelers that Notre Dame fighting Irish, and someone named Lewis Hamilton. And before you tell me that Lewis Hamilton is actually the biggest sports star in the world, because it actually formula one actually is actually the biggest actual sport in the world. I don't care. Formula one. Blah blah blah. Max Verstappen. Blah blah blah. You know what, Max Verstappen? Do it at the Aramco Grand and then go to the Spaniard Park Salona.

Guy was 15.84 seconds off the pace at the Aramco Grand. And then he went to the Spaniard Park Salona. And then he went to the Spaniard Park Salona. the guy was 15.84 seconds off the pace at the aromco grin premium based fania and barcelona wants to call himself a champion please their stabbing couldn't even beat velterie bonus at the Rolex for just trying to bring an inst. Max Verstappen.

More like Max keeps stopping. You know what the V in Verstappen stands for Dan? I do not. Very far behind Valtteri Bodis at the Rolex Turkish Grand Prix in Istanbul. Maddie. Roy Bellamy. Uh oh.

How's it going, man? Doing good. Mike thinks. Roy Bellamy. Uh oh. How's it going, man? Doing good, Mike. Alright. Yeah. Alright. Yeah. Everything's alright. You've been a little choir recently. By recently. I mean, 2007, across decades. Yeah. But here in January, you've been even quieter. Is it because the lightning or nipping at the ice cats frost pause? With the maple leaves right behind in third, it can be stressful. Being a fan of a sport that no one cares about. You're right.

I should know. I watch baseball. Speaking of which, Billy Gill, teachers and catchers report in like two weeks, maybe assuming there is a baseball season, which there definitely might not be. You know what the B in baseball stands for, Dan? I do not. It stands for bleeping it up.

Yeah. As in the owners are really bleeping this up. They always are. Billy, don't worry about baseball being canceled. It's only about nine more months before you can go back to hosting a podcast featuring Java featuring Jabba Chamberlain and one of the lesser drunkowski brothers. Every morning in my podcast, I get somewhere around 60 new podcasts for you guys. The local hour, the big Sui South Beach sessions. The Pazcast with Joe Paznansky and Michael the post games. I'm getting there.

The post game show. Cinefile. Montgomery and company. Off the looking glass. Something called the Pazcast with Joe Paznansky. Drunk Aminelle has been talking about basketball. You know what the W and metal

arc stands for Dan? I do not. It stands for way too many goddamn podcasts. Graph Kings gave you $50 million. That's about $8 per podcast. It put out. I know content is king, but slow the hell down. Speaking of hell. Art briles. Dan, those are the January. Yes, excellent. Thank you. Amazing.

It's hard to do. I don't know whether you feel pressure or expectations on the stuff that you do because it is hard to continually meet those expectations. Mike, sure, stop five actors that will steal your wife. Top five actors who you're worried that if you leave them with your wife, your wife will leave you. Look at them now. Number five. John Ham.

Ambon. Do you see him last night at the, at the All Star game still, I mean, looks amazing. Steaming the crazy, perfect. And just and very masculine. Number four Timothy Ola Fant. So you're going to go with Shalamay. I thought you were going to go with Shalamay. No, Shalamay's, Shalamay's, um, um, showing your age, my beautiful person. No, of course, I'm, I'm doing this based on my, my, my wife. I'm worried about my wife. Shalamay's, Shalamay's a beautiful person, but he's, he's less threatening to me because he's, he's made out of fine China. He weighs 110 pounds. And, uh, you know, that's less threatening to me because he's he's made out of fine China. He weighs 110 pounds

and you know, that's less threatening to me. All of Fanto, cowboy, rugged, handsome, perfectly symmetrical face. He's got it all. All right. Number three, I'll say, manny has sento. Many have sento played played Jason Mendoza on the good place. I don't think he's a human being. He's like, he was sent from outer space to be attractive. At any point, as you write a book about people making principle decisions in all circumstances, using life's and histories, philosophers to choose, is this person, Manny, Hasinto, somebody who's been in the same position as a human being? I don't know if you've ever seen what he looks like, but it's not. He's not, I don't think he's a human being. He's like, he was sent from outer space to be attractive. At any point, as you write a book about people making principle decisions in all circumstances, using life's and histories, philosophers to choose. Is this

person, Manny Hasento, somebody who could actually lure your wife or you now realizing that you need to make your list a bit diverse here because otherwise it's just going to be everyone looks like John Hamm. Go look at, go look at pictures of Manny Hasento on the internet and tell me that you wouldn't be worried that your wife would run away. I'm not saying he's not beautiful. John Ham. Go look at, go look at pictures of Mani Hasinto on the internet and tell me that you wouldn't be worried that your wife would run away. I'm not saying he's not beautiful. I'm just asking you if you have considered before making your list, I can't have five John Ham's. No, not everybody is as cynical as you are, Dan, you know, some, some, some people don't,

I don't make everything a calculation. Number two, number two, it's Christmas. Number one. Actually, number two be so mysterious. It's it's it's it's South London Cockney, but it's also like it's there's also like some some other hints in there. I don't know. I can't really put my finger on it. It doesn't sound like Ian Wright. He sounds like each of your cell. But his accent is a technical, uh, lexic to graphical term for it is handsome. He speaks handsome. He speaks handsome. Put it on the pole, please, at Levitard Show. Does Elba speak handsome? Number one, Matthew Reese. Hey, Google, images guy. I have no idea what he looks like.

He looks like a thing. He'd be inspired that you would let spy on your country because you couldn't tell him now. That's right. If you, if you, if you Google him, thing, you would let spy on your country because you couldn't tell him now. That's right. If you, if you Google him, you, you want your first instinct will not be, oh, this guy is as handsome as Idris Elba or Timothy Olafant, but, um, but watch the Americans or anything he's ever been in. He does some wild shit in that show too that you're just like, wow, they really went there on TV. I'm not seeing it, Lads.

I'm not seeing it. I'm not seeing it. It's not about the photograph. He's a freak. It's about the performing. Don Lebertard, a recreation of the iconic scene in a few good men as told by Chris Cody. Still got.

Colonel Jessup, did you order the code red? You don't have to answer that question. I'll answer the question. You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers? I want the truth! I-you can't handle the truth!

This is the Dalébatá show with the Stogat. Like sure. Try to break the look at me, Louis record. We revealed to him that Augusta has caved with this dogat. Like sure. Press the break the look at me. Louis record. We revealed to him that Augusta has caved and now they are allowing players on the live tour. My two to play at Augusta, which was really the last bit of leverage the PGA tour ad over their golfers.

Yeah. I mean, eventually they'll just be the only game in town, right? That's the goal. The goal is just buy everybody out. You know what this reminds me of, actually, can I tell you a brief story? Yeah. So I was having this discussion with Bill Simmons,

who's a good friend of mine. The good man. Oh, yeah. Sports guy. So Bill and I were thinking about like times in history when major sports leagues kind of went off the rails right and he was like you know what this reminds me of and then he told me that he had been having a conversation with Seth Myers for a month and a half. Is that for Seth? And Seth is actually a very good friend of mine. He was actually the best man.

Wedding. What? Seth was the best man in my wedding. So I hadn't talked to Seth in a long time. So I texted him. I was like, hey, can you talk about this thing? Simmons and I were talking about. And he was like, I can't.

I'm not to dinner with Amy Poler. Well, tell me who we. Mike, so I was like, well can't, I'm not to denote the Amy Polar. Oh, got me, boo-hoo. Mike, so I was like, well, just, let's just FaceTime. Let's just all FaceTime right now, because I haven't talked to Amy in a long time. Amy and I used to work together at Parks and Recreation. Oh, got me, boo-hoo. So they, so they FaceTimeed us. So it was me and Bill Simmons and Amy Polar and Seth Meyers

were all FaceTiming and Amy, I was like, Amy, do you knower and Seth Meyers were all face timing. And Amy, I was like, Amy, do you know Bill? And she was like, I don't think so, but they're from the same neighborhood in Boston. And he was like, oh, you're from Lexington. And she was like, no, I can't remember where she's from. He was like, oh, you're thinking of John Krasinski. I also used to work with John Krasinski at the office. Look at me, Louis.

And so they were kind of catching up and they were talking about Boston. We were all talking about Boston. And then into Simmons's house walked Michael Malley, the writer and actor Michael Malley. We got some, and Mike and I are old friends too because he was actually on an episode of Parks and Recreation that I rode a long time ago. So we were all talking about this. And then we realized that what's really going on here essentially is that these sports leagues have just decided that, you know, like live golf that they just don't care about the consumer anymore.

And I was like, I mean, they're not wrong, too. I can't remember the last time I watched golf and then I remembered the last time I had watched any golf at all. I was watching a golf match here in Los Angeles with Steve Carell from parts and right from the office. And, and I can't remember who else was there. I want to say John Krasinski was actually there too. Oh, got me who we are. But the point is, is that we had, I just hadn't watched golf in a long time and that's

why something like Liv golf can get away with what they're getting away with. What do you have to do? Was there a story? How'd I do, Woody? Wait, wasn't that a lie? That was 11, look at me, Louis. That's a record. So I had to say it was an all-time record.

We had to give him the fanfare for that all-time record for looking at it. Way to go, Louis. Well done. Thank you so much. I wish I had an actual trophy to hold, but for now, I'll just hold this Emmy. Oh, wow.

Got me Louis. Wow. Well done, sorry. It's too big. I'm going to hold this Peabody award that I want to say. I'm a dammit. I'm going to be underwhelming awards. Thank you, Levitard Show.

Thanks to Amina Alhassen for inventing the term, look at me, Louis. I think accidentally, like he was maybe trying to say, look, Louis, and then by accident, made up a term that we all use. Anyway, thanks to Ham, of course, thanks to all the legends of the look at me, Louis game. The guys that grew up watching and idolizing for their ability to always make it all about them. JJ Wat, John Harbaugh, Aaron Rogers, Monty Williams, Elon Musk, Salt May, McSabean, everyone who's ever hosted a drive time Boston area sports talk radio show, LeBron, the rock, most major league baseball on Piers, all NBA referees, anybody who posts a picture on Twitter when a celebrity dies just to prove that they knew the celebrity

and of course, and of course, Darren Rovel is a good one and of course Chris Wittingham. Thank you. I'm so proud to hold the all-time levatar show record for most looking E. Louise and one segment. Thank you. Wow. Way to go. Right. Congratulations.

Mike, I have a follow up. You said Seth Myers was your best man. Do you have like a real life best friend that was offended? You chose your celebrity best friend? Now I'm going to get looking to be a Louise for real. Do it.

It's not going to be a bit anymore. I want the time wedding party. I mean, well, have like your friend that was like, you know, you know, what the college together high school or something and you chose your celebrity best. Did you have any just for your wife's hand? I did. Yes, I did. Yeah. I'll tell you, we got to look at me,

Louis there. Cody, no, you. You for asking for a regis for the regis. Yeah, rich. Of course. Well, he didn't ask for regis filbert's hand. Are you never asked? That's actually not far off. Pretty good. From what happened.

So who was a real friend that was offended? No one was offended. I asked Seth and I had gotten very close and I'm so... Do you have real friends? Like normal? I do, I guess I have people who have never heard of. But I thought that giving a speech at the wedding was going to be a tricky thing to do. And I thought that Seth would be more comfortable doing it than maybe so you're real friends

are boring. So yes, you did have a friend. Yeah, they're not as talented. My best fan selection, I went to keep things simple. I went with a brother-in-law, but I have two brother-in-laws and it came down to who I trusted more with the speech. Yeah. You all the brother got it.

Right. So you're basically saying that the people who attended your wedding needed to be wowed by the speech. Great word. And so you went for Seth Miles. No, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is the person who gave the speech was going to be in a certain kind of spotlight that I thought he would handle very well.

And also we were legitimately very close friends. We had been working together for a long time and it made sense. Who was at your wedding? And on my back, who are your wedding in the audience who you're trying to impress with Seth? Like who were you trying to impress with the West? I wasn't trying to impress anybody, Billy.

It wasn't about impressing. Lauren, it was merely thinking about who would deal with the pressure the best of anyone. And I thought that that was the opener. Why was there so much pressure on this? Because, uh, you're slippery. Who was there? Do you know, listen, listen, here's what's going on right now. I texted with you last night.

I was like, I haven't done bit. I want to do on the show. I want to see how many times I can get. Look at me, Lewy and, and then to claim that I said in all-time, Lebitard show record. Now, because of the dumb bit, you're trapping me into getting look at me, Lewy'd for real.

I'm not going to fall for it. I'm not going to answer. You're the one that said that sounds like you wanted to show off your trophies. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. The groomsman. You're the one that said that you based your best man's

election because of the pressure associated with and that because of the gas He doesn't know that not necessarily our gas feelings What because of the gas of our guests some of our guests and some of my my in-laws guests were people of note. Yeah Who attended the wedding? Top five people who attended you out five you do that Top five? Top five people who attended the crowd. You do that, please. People of Nils.

Top five people have changed your way. I'm gonna change your way. I'm gonna do a press room. Who's the least favorite person in your life? Oh, they all are lies gonna be controversial. It's a different world than we do, okay? How can I give a speech and impress Kat who we griffed? The crappiest celebrity is a funny question, I think.

No, that's a worse spot. No, that's a terrible spot. Yeah, you can't do that. That's why it's good. Who was the crappiest celebrity you were? No, don't ask him like that. You got to be smart about it. Like who was in the fewest amount of SNL sketches? There's something like that.

They're telling you what I think. He can't go crazy. Give me a second. He's filled up with top five. Hold on. He is putting together. He's top. I don't know which top five he's putting together. I'm doing reading. Do you think reading makes the top five?

I do think no chance. No chance. You can't use your father a lot. What year did you get married just so we have a frame of reference? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no a fee. Yeah, like a small fee. Did he have to follow up like what's your last name? Like an appearance fee. Did he have to get like a suit, a tailor at Men's Warehouse or something like that? What fame is banned performed to your wedding? Why would he have to get a suit

tailored at Men's Warehouse? It's like that's a thing. You're in a bridal party and you gotta, you gotta go to a Men's Warehouse and you gotta. He's Seth Moore, you gotta show up. He's not you. He has never stepped foot in a Men's Warehouse. Did he walk in as a customer, but did he leave as a friend?

Did he like the way he looks? That's guaranteed. I guarantee it. Jinx. You can't put it together. I'm gonna say, you cannot use Regis. Mike, menswear house is kind of like an affordable suit place for us, nor amies.'s poor Kyle man. He probably had a lot of you don't have a an old Italian man who just comes to your

house and Taylor makes you suits like I do. Do you know how good the guest list had to be that it's taking him this long to put together at the top five? Is this best celebrities or worse celebrities that you're wedding doing best. I'm not also I won't ask a followup list or start having your mind best celebrity, but with worse gift. All right? So yeah, okay, wait, famous celebrity that provided the worst, like so the bottom five

gifts from celebrities at your wedding. Did Seth Meyers give a gift or was his gift the speech that he made? Like did he give you a gift or? I believe he also as per, gave us a wedding gift. Let me, let me suggest something to you right now. Who was it? Instead of doing something very tacky where I named celebrities who were at my wedding, can I instead tell you a fairly incredible story about a particular wedding gift that I

got from a particular person who attended the wedding and I will promise you an advance. It's worth your time. All right. Tell us the story first and then we'll see. I know, I know the story. It's a good one. Yeah. I have to go get a let me give me 30 seconds to go get this object. So we're taking this to work. We're exchanging this for the list. It's it's it's it's but I promise you it's worth it. I promise. It's a good story. I pray's it. Yes, but I promise you it's worth it. I promise it. It's a good story. I pray there's no bad.

I promise you it's worth it. Give me 10 seconds to go get there. It will shock you. There was someone that attended his wedding. That will shock you. Yeah, given given what you know about Mike sure, but how do you feel about this exchange? Because we're about to get the top five.

There's there's there's a payoff here. Not just the person, but the gift. Okay. The gift is so on brand. So since you know, you would rather have this story. It's a great story. It's a great story. Okay.

It's a fantastic story. Okay. Here we go. 2005. The story was ruined. We already know the answer. Yeah. We know. New York City. I heard, I heard go. 2005. The story was ruined. We already know the answer. Yeah, we

know. New York City. I heard I heard it. I was still listening. So I'm a good friend. You're a good friend of my in-laws at the time was a New York real estate mogul named Donald Trump. He later would go on to be the president. Yeah., we get in the mail, my wife and I, a giant box from the trumps that said, and we're like, oh my god, this is the wedding gift. Like, this is amazing. What did Donald Trump get us for a wedding gift? And we pull it out and I'll show it to you. Oh my God.

It's this vase. Wow. But wait, there's more. I believe it is the ugliest object I've ever seen. It's certainly the ugliest object I've ever seen. It's probably expensive. I own. But I believe that it's the ugliest object I've ever seen in any medium.

So we're like, okay, what is this story here, right? Like, did he, like, he didn't go to a store and buy this. Like, he didn't even have his assistant go buy it. You didn't register for that. No, we didn't register for this boss. So we're trying to theorize, and there's no note, there's no piece of paper that says, like, here's what this is or anything.

So I'm like, what is this story here? I formulated theory. The theory that I formulate is that it is overflow decoration from one of his casinos. Like, he bought 5,000 identical $12 vases to go into the Atlantic City, Casino. And I was like, right, like imagine you're walking at a hotel corridor in a casino, cheap Casino hotel.

And there's like, stanchions all along the walls, right? And like every 10 feet, there's like a vase that looks fake, fake fancy, right? Maybe I'll bet that's what this is. And as I'm formulating that theory, I look at and I turn it around and look at the back there's nothing on the back clearly it's designed to just face out like this and he's so cheap that they didn't he was like no don't paint the back the back is going to face the wall of the casino

I mean look how I look how diabolically ugly this object is. I'm sure now, we've told this story around here now, but I feel like if you had sold this during the height of Trump's presidency, you could have gotten a lot of money from this. I had a plan to go on Seth's show because he was there and he knows the story and auction it off and give all of the money to either a charity that was fighting something he was doing or just his opponent. I was like, whatever. You own this thing, you can smash it with a sledgehammer, you can throw it off a building,

do whatever you want. Oh, next boss. Well, then the pandemic it, the pandemic it, and I was, and I was thwarted. But yeah, maybe if he runs again, maybe I'll still do that. Yeah, next boss, Miami, we destroy the Vaz. I mean, fantastic. Or just smash it right now, that could kill on such a shit. Oh, yeah, do that right now.

Just stand up and spike it right now. Come on. No, I wanted to, if I told the people to destroy book, which I want to do, I want it to be, I want it to raise money for something. Roman girls wildlife conservation fund. I got the bills right before. Yeah, that's what Donald would have wanted. Say, say that Ralph Wilson stadium should have a dome over it

before you do it. Yeah, you really get the socials. Can I somehow still pry the list out? Yeah, I think that's the least good. You started working on the list. I just still pry the list out? Yeah, please. Please get that. You started working on the list. So just give us what you had already worked on it. No, I'll just say that number one is the Tony Bennett sang fly me to the moon.

Oh, wow. Wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Reage got that done for you, huh? He did indeed. He's a friend. All right, let's get your set of the day.

Start of the day. Start of the day. And see a start of the day. Start of the day. Start of the day. And see a start of the day. Start of the day. Start of the day. And see a start of the day. Start of the day. Start of the day. And see a start of the day, start of the day, start of the day, and it is the start of the day. The stat of the day is brought to you by Zip Recruiter, Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire. Folks, very few professional basketball players make it to a 20th season. According to stat news, the most points per game in a 20th season. Robert Parrish have 3.9 points per game. The chief.

Vince Carter had 5.4. insanity. Karim Abdul Jibar, 5.4. Insanity. Karim Abdul-Jabbar, 10.1. Louis Walshender. That's all I got. That's a name. Cap. Cap.

Dirk Navitsky had 12 exactly points per game in his 20th season. And with a whopping 17.6 points per game and unbelievable figure. It is 20 season the Lake Great Kobe Bryant. Oh, sorry, my bad. He's not in first place. He's in second place. In first is LeBron James, who's averaging 27, 8 and a half and six and a half. And it is 20th, 27 points per game. Mike, thank you so much for that story. Really, the set of the day, paled in comparison, but we finally got the,

we finally got the, the Trump Vaz. We've got one more question about your wedding before you go though. Hey, Mike, it's Tony. Listen, quick question for you. 2005, I put that basically in the heart of one of the best times in the Tregatone history. Do you guys have any Tregatone at the wedding or no? Gasolina. I put that basically in the heart of one of the best times in the reggaeton history.

Did you guys have any reggaeton at the wedding or no? Gasolina. Zionic Linux. Same. Did. We had a band. I think there was something at the rehearsal dinner party that I before, but we had a band.

We didn't have a DJ. So I think it was more like. Yeah, Tony Bennett. He was more like uh... yet Tony Bennett he was more like take a look at that and it was more like outcast and and stuff like that than reggaeton but i got white guys for talking about outcast how many times did you play hey uh... i didn't play anything the band did you know how many times did you play Hey, I? I didn't play anything. The band.

You're on the day. How many times did you shake it like a pull of action? Just say Hey, I for us. I don't think that's fair. I'm going to say right now. I think that's fair. Was Galman there? If I had said we had, uh, like Paul Enka, then instead of reggae, don't find. But outcast, come on. What's Gellman there? Gellman was there. Of course.

He's gambling. Oh my god. Is it a good gift from Gellman? I don't remember offhand, but I believe it was. Uh-huh. Gellie Ripo was there too. It's a trip to Morocco. We had the whole show.

How much money did you make, the wedding? Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, everybody was the best part of the wedding is just sitting back counting the envelope I don't think we made a doll. I don't think anybody gave us money. Wow. I mean no gift Why would anyone give us money classic rich way? Well, yeah, yeah, so what would anybody give you a vase from their casino? rainbow. Yeah. Yeah. So what would anybody give you a vase from their casino? Right. Fair. All right. My happy holidays. Thank you so much. Hey, is this your last show of the of 2022? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So when I went out with the bag, I was probably is certainly a sui nominee for story. If you got married like this upcoming year who from the show is getting invited Just Dan. Oh great question. It's just Dan

Well, how many people are turning to writing? I guess it would be We had no looking at how to have the size of the wedding. Yeah, how many people went to yours? We're looking at that screen like he feels he should be invited It was like two it was like 20 or something. I mean, honestly, there would be fewer folks probably invited by, by our parents and my, my in laws and stuff. So there'd be more room. I'm gonna say the whole shipping container can come. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. If I get married again this year, you're from Hollywood. You got three weeks, get on it.

Thank you for hosting Tony's MMA Hangout, by the way, live from your wedding. We're going to appreciate that, especially, do do. All right, happy holidays, Mike. Happy holidays, everybody. Thanks, Mike. Mike shares marathon observations.

Well, I mean, I've been watching the marathon. I've made some observations. I guess you could call it marathon observations. Yes. Does that make, does that sound good? That's great. You've got marathon observations, all right? I've got some marathon observations.

It is time for Mike's shirt to share his game notes. No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boys to Marathon observations is sponsored by no one Because it's seven in the morning on the west coast you've been live for 22 hours and No one is listening Dan After decades of DSPN, multiple suspensions for various shenanigans,

public battles over China, and LeBron James Billboards, the firing of Chris Cody, the rehiring of Chris Cody, and one very awkward interview with Rob Manfred. Make no mistake about it. The Dan Levitard show with two gods is back. The pirate ship.

The best thing that ever happened for fans of this show is not Draft King's giving you $50 million to do whatever you want. Nor is it. You giving us 24 straight hours of content that we didn't want. The best thing that ever happened for fans of this show is the Florida Panthers losing in the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. So we don't have to hear ten more hours of Mike and Roy talking about Sergei Bobrofee and Coach Q. The icecats. Bob.

Wait. I take that back. The best thing that ever happened for fans of this show was the Miami Miami heat getting swept in the first round of the playoffs. So we do get to hear ten more hours of you realizing you could have had James Hardin, her Tyler hero. You know what the first are in hero stands for Dan? I do not. Rep row. You know what the second R and Hero stands for Dan?

I do not. Regret. Because you could have traded him. For James Harden. You know what the O E and R and Hero stand for Dan? Do not overrated. Yeah, it's up to us. You know what the H and Harden stand for Dan? I do not. Hero. As, it's of course. I should have done what the H and Harden stand toward Dan.

I do not. Hero. As in you could have had him for a Tyler hero. Hey, Dan, you know what the difference is between the Miami Heat and the Boston Celtics. I do not. The Celtics want to play off game this year. Dan Levitard telling me that Boston is racist in retaliation for these heat

jokes, collision course. I spent four hours in the shipping container in 2018 while writing a piece about this show for slate.com. It didn't smell great then. I can only imagine what it smells like now. After 22 hours of you packed in there like sardines Chris Whittingham A non-caucasian guy who loves advanced metrics and soccer and Use his words like Chicanery and call zero nil and Every time he says something fancy a little jingle plays That makes fun of how fancy he is

somewhere Pablo Torrey is jealous witty Jessica Smetana a football obsessed woman who leaks confidence when she talks and is unfairly asked to answer on behalf of all women Every time something happens involving women in sports because none of the dopes in that room know how to talk about misogyny without putting their feet in their mouth

somewhere Mina Kimes is relieved Smettie. Yesterday at noon, I wrote a joke for this bit and the joke was that this 24 hour marathon would be the longest Dan has ever gone without drinking tequila since the first 10 years of his life. Then I turned on the marathon, eight hours in, and saw Dan and Charles Barkley drinking tequila.

Dan O, here's my review of the guests I've seen so far. Ron McGill, great as always. Jim Rome, take it down a notch. as always. Jim Rome. Take it down a notch. Jamel Hill casually drops that skipper giver her first million dollar check. Legend. Pat Riley. Pretty chill. Like really chill. Like maybe he somehow got into Stugots a stash right before the zoom started. I'm pretty sure at one point, at Riley called Amino Hassan, Amino Hassan.

Did, right? That is absolutely correct. And also showed us a UFO, show us an actual UFO. Shane Badiay. You know how Shane Badiay is aging Dan O? Not at all. Like a fine wine. But the best guest by far, the deer behind Michelle Beetle, John Skipper should sign those deer to a multi-year contract and have them just roam around the Cleveland Earth. I saw the official poster for this marathon. Mike Sure on the poster. Adnan

Verk on the poster. Brockmeyer. A fictional character on the poster. David Samson, not on the poster. Miami finally gets its revenge for that God awful stadium that built the city out of a billion dollars. You know what the essence Samson stands for, Dano? I swindler. Super busy that he's not on the poster. Fountain of content. More like fountain of being super pissy

that he's not on the poster. If you don't like this marathon, might I recommend you flip over to ESPN where every day they do an accidental marathon, featuring 24 straight hours of New York Jets coverage with Mike Greenberg. This marathon started 20 hours ago with Dan crying and stew got's carrying a feather duster and Billy holding a seven-day old baby

and the only woman in the entire studio being forced to stand up and Stu got sitting in his chair shirtless and Chris Cody sitting at a pool full of goo and Mike Ryan covering a Verizon live read the Dan couldn't do because he was crying and a meat and poppy on the roof and a fake pirate ship and all that was in the first 30 minutes and you're still going. Draft Kings didn't bail right then and there. The hell are they thinking? Speaking of hell, our briles. Dan, those are their marathon observations. I'm a professional.

I'll still be talking about the Panthers though. Poor man's Bill Lawrence ladies and gentlemen, there he is. Thank you for being on with us. Mike sure you are the best, sir. is thank you for being on with us. Make sure you are the best, sir.