The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Big Suey: Dan Reveals a Secret About the Grid of Death

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

Dan reveals a long-kept secret about the origins of the Grid of Death, and it instantly leads the "Best Revelation" Suey category. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey folks, it's Mike Ryan and if you're watching our show, you've probably known your boy has undergone a little bit of a body transformation and I gotta tell ya Peloton has helped me on my fitness journey. It got the ball rolling for me because I watch my wife on the Peloton, she takes all these great classes, she has her favorite instructors, I listen to the music, I'm a big music guy, gets me fired up, makes me want to take part in this fitness phenomenon known as Peloton. Peloton offers a variety of challenging classes from four-week strength building classes to running cycling and everything in between. Peloton will help you achieve your goals and maybe you'll have some fun

along the way. I know I have. It's backed by thousands of members whose lives have been changed. Be part of that group. Telling you I'm better for it, have it in my office, sometimes I can put on the baseball game, sometimes I can put on a soccer match, some other times I'm totally locked in on an emo playlist. Find your push. Find your power with Peloton at OnePeloton.com. Now's a good time to remember where Tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented Tequila. Cuervo. What are you doing here?

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Cuervo. Welcome to the Big Sui, presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan LeBattard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there.

That hasn't happened to you guys. I've done it. And now here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar. This episode is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Yeah! It's not easy to talk, right, Roy? No, this chin, the chin portion is going above my chin.

Want me to scratch your chin? You good? Yeah. All right, so you guys need to understand something. The reason no one wants to wear the costumes is because the costumes are always harder to do your job. uh... again yeah alright so you guys need to understand something the reason no one wants to wear the costumes is because the costumes are always harder to do your job we always underestimate this has been a croat this is the i mean this is the corporate crisis around here nobody wants to wear the costumes

for good reasons it's a legitimate punishment however i would say to all people involved that's the state of punishments like there have to be consequences so just like with this as little bet which i am telling you if we do not get thousands of people who watch this game with zaslow because the stakes are he either gets all or nothing on work for free i had dreams and it's just one bet for all the stakes and even if he wants to weasel out of it he can't the stakes have to be maximum all or nothing and it has to cost something

and we need to be able to put make it like a real gamble we're working for gambling company we're gambling again dan i'd like to raise the stakes a little bit more. There's an app, it's called the Playback app, right? And the Playback app is, it allows you to watch live programming while you are also kind of on the screen as the talent. So what I am suggesting is that we put Zaslow on the Playback app while he watches Hawk's Heat so people can watch in real time

as his hopes soar and his hopes are dashed by the performance of the Miami Heat. What do you think guys? I mean if I choose the Heat game to put everything on the line I haven't made a decision yet. I don't even know that we're doing that. Sounds like you don't want these tickets buddy. No I, listen, I'm gonna say this one time, and that's the only time I'm gonna say it. Don't question how badly I wanna go see Pearl Jam.

And let's just leave it at that. So we have an understanding now, we're good. I'm sorry that I had that tone. And the part that I'm trying to, I really need help from the group so I can get out of this quicksand. Please help me do this. Okay? None of this works unless it's an all-or-nothing bet on Zaslow works for free Or he gets the night of his life not the nights of his life like that's the stakes Dan

I have written down here the two scenarios in which heat win Zas gets heat lose Zas Oh, I like this so heat win Zazz gets both nights of the Pearl Jam tickets. Great seats, obviously, like you said. And gets paid for work. And gets paid for work. It's already written down here. All right. All right.

So let it be written, let it be done. Now we're cooking. Heat lose. OK. I don't like that. Zazz, no Pearl Jam tickets. Either show. And indentured servitude.

Holy shit. Indentured servitude is this. Hold on a second. That was right down there. I don't know. I don't know. Hold on a second. So my favorite team their season is over. I Don't get to see Pearl Jam and Indenture servitude which your wife hates by the way my wife. I don't know if you know this about wives

Love money love money You know mean okay, who's an unhappy wife here? Okay, but I don't know if you know this about husband yes love money everybody loves money yes that's true what is that truth bomb he's right about that everyone loves money but they put on the pole at Leviton show does everyone love money what is that what are you guys doing thank you for standing up in the name of feminism, Dan. What are you doing? You're gonna do a second time,

the dumb ass joke of wives love money, hey. Does everyone love money, but especially wives? No, no, wait a minute. You're going, you're soaring too close to the sun. No, that's not true. I'll fly with Zazz on this. No, no, absolutely not. Absolutely'll fly was as I know now absolutely not Absolutely, right kids hate you too there or no you want to call my wife ask her absolutely not I won't allow you guys to do that. You're simply wrong. God what idiots I work with like absolute bozos

I'll call my wife I mean, look, I run a business. I know how much you guys like money. But then there's the wives. No, no, no, no, I don't believe the wives. Nope, I don't believe the wives. No, are as bad as the dudes. The stakes to this bet need to be, and I mean, there's no weasel way out.

If we're gonna ask thousands of people to watch Zaslow, the stakes have to be indentured servitude. Like, okay, you can keep putting the high end somehow past the Pearl Jam tickets. The place we started is, the Pearl Jam tickets are the dream. He does not have them unless he bets the most amount that can be bet of All the things he cares about and one of the risks is he works for free through the hockey playoffs

That has to be the stakes and we know that that will have a poor household for him, Dad Yeah, and that's the stakes People were asking People were asking me yes hey so you got the tickets you're going to progeny? No. I don't have anything. He doesn't have anything. I don't have anything. And he got all he's got them. He works for free. You got a promise from David Sampson though and that no means no it means nothing. Oh yeah. It means point. It means nothing. So that's the stakes you figure out how to do it I'll put you guys on it I think I've heard stakes just one too many time in this segment for the love of God. I love stakes

medium-rare rib eye How does Aslan know where the magic creative content is? He just got here. He shouldn't know where that is. All right, Zazz, you open it up, blindly pick one and read the topic. Unlike our stakes, the producers, well done. Hanger?

That's a good one. That's a good one. Excellent, Roy, thank you. Would you rather? know every language in the world or Be able to talk to animals wow this is a no-brainer. It's every language right every language I care about what a crocodile thinks I forget those frogs. No, I'm talking to animals, dude. What? Imagine you're just walking through, you're like, look at that, what the,

those birds are horny. Or. What? What are those birds talking about? Did you hear that? That's crazy. You guys did that very poorly. What?

I would absolutely wanna talk to animals. That's right. Are you guys out of your mind? To have an entire different interaction with a language of every species that does have thoughts and feelings? Yeah, I really want to know what the bees are saying. Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey.

Oh my god, the queen bee is all on my ass, man. Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey. Think about the Netflix show that you could pitch. I can talk to animals. Does anyone know, though? Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, Right there, you get the power, do you want the power? But no one's gonna believe you. No one will ever know. You can't tell anybody that you know. No, well, you can, but no one's gonna believe you. You're never. You would never believe that person

if they told you I could talk to animals. No way. No, really, your dog has a thing in its paw, like, yeah, okay, all, alright buddy, thanks a lot. Every single person is gonna ignore that what you're saying is true. Trying to think of how you would prove it. The same way they did in Dr. Dolittle. Damn.

No, they didn't. They just kept bringing him sick animals. Like, that's a terrible life. And he kept communicating with them. I don't want to fix animals. I wanna walk into any bar around the world and be like, brrrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr brrrr br pretty much, yes, and then go to Spain, to Salamanca, and like have my camera out and then people say, oh look at this tourist, and I'm like,

oh, a turista, and then I'm like, oh, he speaks it too. I just wish though, like you're on a boat, you're out on a boat, you see like a dolphin come by, like that dolphin's talking shit. That dolphin's talking shit about our boat. You know what's more useful than that? Walking into like Athens, Greece, and then the cab drivers talking shit,

and then you talk shit back, like, hey man, I understand exactly what you said. Don't pull that shit with me. And they're like, oh my God, I didn't know you were Greek. And I'm like, that's right. But see, I already know that I don't like people. I'd love the experience of getting to know some animals and knowing what their personalities are like.

I don't need to know more people. You're assuming the animals are gonna like you, Jeremy. They might not like me, but I'd rather have this really cool, unique experience that no one else in the history of mankind has been able to experience. Am I so wrong to wanna speak to animals? I'd also love to know what my pets think about me.

All right, do you want to risk that, where it's like, oh my God, now I can understand you, muffin. Aren't you happy that we can communicate and muffin says yeah You I was gonna say Jeremy you might not like it. What if your cat secretly hates you? I really thought that I wanted to know what you guys thought about me when I didn't work here and then I started working here and I learned what you Thought about me and you guys might be convincing me that I might want to speak different languages instead of speaking the more I think this Out we can't talk to animals, we can just understand them.

So it's like, the ability to talk to animals would be awesome, but if I'm just able to understand, I can't communicate back. Chris, you're telling me, you would love to communicate with animals. As you're walking down the street, a couple of squirrels are up there and they're like, Hey, look at this fat ass over here.

Hey, you ginger fat ass. I know, I would be like, Why would you lose weight? What the hell? Why would the squirrels be that mean No, the thing that I think that a mean is doing that and it's funny is there is the animals The exact same problems that we do you just listening to a busy

Not just a busy intersection of bees Yelling at each other angrily because whatever, there's not enough honey or they don't want to work this way. They even know the lingo to call me a ginger, like how are they up on all the phrases? I'm walking down the street, German Shepherd says, I got my eye on you boy. Don't even try it. Don't even try it. What's he reaching for?

I would like to hear how they feel about me though. Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you like to hear? If not a pet, wouldn't you like to know if, what did that squirrel say? Like because whatever. Dan, what about, okay, imagine this. You can understand your dog. And remember the night your dog got into all the chocolate and we were all worried and we had to take the dog to the vet, what if that was actually a cry for help from the dog? The dog was like, I can't spend another day with this guy. Talking about the economies of people built on black bodies.

I just get, where's the chocolate? Give me all the chocolate. And as it's laying there, and it's like, as it's laying there, it's like, finally, sweet release, you burst in, and they're like, oh no, they're home early They're home early because something happened at dinner, and they had to come home early Do you realize that that would have been my dog announcing to me that that was a suicide attempt

Because it's getting dark actually maybe I don't want to talk to animals. The dark choc, or the chocolate he ate that night, if he didn't immediately get his stomach pumped, would have been the end of him. It would have been... That's what the vet's telling you. It would have been nice for him to have been able to tell me that, I think. It would have been like River Phoenix at the Viper Room. Too soon? Yes.

No. By the way, have you guys seen this? It's a trend on TikTok. And it's like they do this AI aging of people from early- Yeah. I don't like it. I love it, man. And they play Alphaville Forever Young.

I love it. I can't get enough of it. My algorithm has learned it, it just keeps funneling all this shit to me. Hey, remember what the breakfast club looked like? Look at it now, like oh shit, wow, Molly Ringwald, you really aged, right? I love that shit, I can't get enough of it. I love it so much, I want someone to do a version of us.

Like oh, 2015 Chris, and then it's like, it just kinda of grows. I don't like what you did there. I just noticed your shirt, by the way, sturdy wings. Yeah. It's a, it's a great charitable organization. Good reference. Yeah. I think this is an unfortunate examination of the psyches of the people in this room, because Dan, you and I both wanted to know what animals think about us,

while Amin and Tony were like, yeah, let me know every language so I can go to whatever bar I want and talk shit with people, because they wanna use it for the fun and glory, and we both wanna use it to feel even more self-conscious than we already do. I wanna talk to the animals.

I wanna be able to communicate with the animals. Remember, you can't talk to them in this scenario. You can only understand. Yeah, I wanna be able to understand the animals. I only speak English. I'm getting to the animals. I wanna be able to communicate with the animals. Remember, you can't talk to them in this scenario. You can only understand. Yeah, I wanna be able to understand the animals. I only speak English. I'm getting along just fine. Yeah, but what if you could speak Spanish? It'd be cool, but you give me a choice here.

I'd rather communicate with the animals. But you could speak every language ever. I know. And just go and just hobnob and shake hands with babies. But that's more attainable though. Somebody could essentially study, not every language, but you could study and learn a bunch of languages, whereas nobody can learn to talk to animals.

Are you gonna get bored of talking to animals at some point? You're gonna be like, oh, okay, this guy. I'm gonna write books, I'm gonna start podcasts. You don't know the content opportunity if I can understand animals. Dude, he could walk into the, what are they called, the Panthers locker room, and like communicate with all those Russian dudes and stuff, man.

Like immediately, and not, and you know. Imagine going to the zoo and communicating with actual Panthers. You know the credibility, the credibility that comes along with walking into a locker room, going to the foreign player and saying, I speak your language fluently, and he's like, Dan, you talk about this all the time,

about the Spanish speaking baseball players, the reason they don't like anybody's cuz no one Understands them, but then if you speak their language they open up You would be the greatest sports broadcaster of all time because you could do any interview with anybody show hey hey guess what show Hey get that interpreter out of here. You're gonna have to answer some of these questions for real I want to know what those animals really think of Ron McGill at the zoo I want to sit down with that rhino money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money rhino. Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money. He comes over here, he shows off, he throws you a snack.

You hate this guy, don't you? The stakes that, excuse me, the stakes that Ron McGill would put on, if you asked Ron McGill, what would he want more than anything that man could have? And I imagine that he's closer to fluency with animals than most, but if I gave him that ability, I would think he would want no other ability given to him while walking

the planet beyond that one. The ability to know exact, to communicate correctly with animals, with fluency, would it not be his most valuable thing? For Ron McGill, sure, that's his job. He works at a zoo. This is an incredibly important and beneficial thing. For any other human being, I guarantee you, two weeks in, you're like, okay, enough.

I get it, you like acorns, you like acorns. Okay, but that puts us at the top of the food chain. I would love to have a podcast with animals at the zoo bitching because people don't want to take care of the animal kingdom. But they can't hear the podcast, right? Like you do the podcast, but then nobody else can listen. I'm assuming in this scenario, I'm legitimately the only, that the scenario is different than the one I presented to you. It'll make you crazy if you're the only one who can talk to the animals, but you can't tell anyone and nobody believes you crazy if you're the only one who can talk to the animals but you can't tell anyone and nobody believes you but you're the only one who could talk to the animals and everyone believes

you and you're the one it is as chris says a fountain of a content opportunity because not everybody like you guys is cave people at the top of the food chain who don't care about animals Dan You don't need a genie for this right now. Let's assume right now. You have the superpower You can communicate with animals go convince anybody out there go go who's gonna believe you know I'm promising you What's your podcast is gonna sound like respectfully? Oh wow so nibbles really likes the panthers tonight over the lightning ass is gonna get took oh Scrappy thinks that the heat are really going to go on a run in the world

How about this how about this if you communicate with horses or with greyhounds? You can win a lot of money the track Hold on you bet the wrong one the guys Hey folks it's Mike Ryan and if you're watching our show you've probably known your boy has undergone a little bit of a body transformation and I gotta tell you Peloton has helped me on my fitness journey. It got the ball rolling for me because I watch my wife on the Peloton, she takes all these great classes, she has her favorite instructors, I listen to the music, I'm a big music guy, gets me fired up, makes me want to take part in this fitness phenomenon known as Peloton.

Peloton offers a variety of challenging classes. From 4 week strength building classes to running, cycling, and everything in between. Peloton will help you achieve your goals and maybe you'll have some fun along the way. I know I have. It's backed by thousands of members whose lives have been changed. Be part of that group. Telling you I'm better for it, have it in my office, sometimes I can put on the baseball game, sometimes I can put on a soccer match, some other times I'm totally locked in on an emo playlist. Find your push. Find your power with Peloton at OnePeloton.com.

It's the 50th anniversary of Miller Lite and for many of those 50 years, they've been partnered up with the Dan LeBattard Show, back to our terrestrial radio days, all throughout national syndication, pirate face, where we are now. So grateful for that partnership because you guys know, we believe it, it's a beer for people who love their beer, and hopefully our audience loves their beer enough to always trust Miller Lite, like I do. From game night parties with friends, or a special anniversary, like 20 years together on air, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life. Cheers to 50 years of Miller Lite, the great tasting light beer for people who love beer

since 1975. It's Miller time. Miller Lite is brewed for taste. Simply put, it just hits different because of those simple ingredients like malted barley for rich, balanced, toffee note flavors and the iconic golden color. Oh and that white can. Do I love that white can? 96 calories. And just 3.2 grams of carbs per 12 ounces, Miller Time is always a good time. Miller Lite.

Great taste. 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up MillerLite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller Time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

Guys, tech is not really my thing. And as I'm trying to build out a website recently, I'm really starting to feel kind of frustrated. Do you ever feel overwhelmed trying to manage your web hosting while juggling a million other tasks sort of like I do? Even if tech isn't your thing, like me, Kinsta's managed WordPress hosting is just a relief. Their expert team handles it all. And with Kinsta, there's always a human ready to help, rather than an automated bot. We've all been there, something goes wrong,

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having to worry about troubleshooting tech issues. Tired of being your own website support team? Switch your hosting to Kinsta and get your first month free. And don't worry about the move, they'll handle the whole transition for you, no tech expertise required. Just visit kinsta.com slash dan to get started. That's K-I-N-S-T-A dot com slash dan. Dan LeBretard. I saw a post on Twitter yesterday how the Toronto Maple Leafs, that they won the division. Guess what? It's been two years and that's two years too long. Stugats.

You can take that ass too. Oh, we're taking two asses. This is the Don Lebatard Show with the Stugats. I'm just trying to win some bets. Speaking languages helps you win bets. So it all comes back to what happens in a bar and how much money can I have? Dan, think about this. You want to make money? You want to make money?

Watch this. Watch this. I go on a trip with some friends, right? Let's go to Kazakhstan. And I walk up to them and I say, 100 bucks, I can get this guy to hand me his hat. And then I tell the guy, hey, I'll give you 100 of your currency,

which is a lot smaller than $100. Just hand me your hat for a second, I'll hand it back to you. And he goes, oh, sure. He gives it to me and he gives it back. Boom. And now all of a sudden, my friend's like, oh my God, how'd you do that? I was like, lucky guess, I I guess and I just do this over

and over again then I get in with the millionaires and then I make bigger bets right much bigger bets like hey a hundred thousand dollars I could get Alexander Ovechkin to hand me his skate right now right just the one skate and I can say Ovi Ovi do me a band to make a dance I love that song oh yeah me too hey hand me your skate and I'll hand it right back to you like He's like, oh cool, right? And he hands me his skate, I hand it back to him. Boom, $100,000. And then I get bigger bets. Now I'm with the billionaire's row. And now we're betting like things like elections, right? I say, hey, I bet you I get Putin to dat me up. All right, okay. Hey Putin, guess what? I'll deliver to you the

entire American democratic system. Just dat me up. And like, cool, boom. And now I'm running the world, Dan, just off of learning languages like that like that come on meanwhile you want to go talk to a freaking aunt so like oh how'd you build that look and oh wow they said it's a lot of hard work guys if I communicate with horses you know how much money I can make on an exacto see this is ridiculous you have the horses knowing like who's good and who's not. Yeah, that's right. They communicate with each other, and now I'm in the game.

What if it's just a full of shit horse, though? I'm going to learn, because I can communicate. I'm going to learn their ways. The horse lied to you. Isn't that what we're all doing already with sports and gambling? Yes, it's like imagine if like, Dante Porter told you something like, oh, yeah. the ants would be so disappointed

by every conversation we've ever had around here about how we analyze games. In fact, every heat conversation. Hey, what are the humans doing? They're talking about the heat again. You have me befriending the John T Porter of horses you don't know them apart they all look like horses to you but meanwhile they know they know it's like oh man this guy's hanging out with John T Porter over here

meanwhile the answer like he says he got to go back to work oh wow the answer working thanks Dan I got to salute you mean for trying both the ants and the bees there you did good work that's a time, I mean, for trying both the ants and the bees there. You did good work. That's a tie. I mean, you had small brained animals, not a lot to work with. I appreciate the effort there. They were good.

Yeah, you did. I did not know you had the horse in your arsenal. I also have a cow. Oh. That's a good cow.. I also have a cow. It's a good cow. Yeah, we got a cow that comes up and says, hey, Tim Kirkschen, I really need to get milk

just by this one udder right here. Just keep going. There's a little bit more milk in there. Don't stop. Oh, it's so much milk. It's so much milk, Tim. Thank you. So gross. Thank you. Hey, Calvin, yeah, Kirirtchen's here, go ahead. Come on guys.

You know, how is it that that happened yesterday and we just skipped past it, that Tim Kirtchen's not merely bad at technology, that Tim Kirtain doesn't understand how to milk a cow in such a way that made it obvious that Tim Kirkshain would unsuccessfully try to milk a male cow. It's incredible.

It's unbelievable. Grown man, he's near 70 or after 70 years old. That's not a thing that a human being can't know. That's something that you learn well before you become a baseball expert, right? Like this may be like six, seven years old. You know, hey, they're boy cows and they're girl cows. The girl cows give us milk. The boy cows will try to convince you they give you milk, but no, don't believe them.

Don't listen to them. Do the boy cows try and convince us when we walk over there? They sidle up like, oh, I got so much milk. Oh, so much milk in me. Just, hey, just give it a squeeze. I mean, Meet the Parents taught us this. I mean, I have nipples, Greg.

Can you milk me? It's not my nipple, but go ahead. Roy, how are you holding up? You seem, is the stick, you seem uncomfortable. Yeah, I think this jersey's a bit too small. It's smaller than the actual jersey I'm gonna wear during Learn to Play in a month. So it's kinda tight on me right now.

Why aren't you opening your mouth? Again, the chin is right here. For safety. Yeah, safety. It looks like he's getting better as the show goes on. I'm gonna say that right now. You look a lot more comfortable than you did when you first walked in.

Roy, you correct me if I'm wrong because the way that he walked in, he had a command of the room he does not presently have. There were people here and they were acting like bees and horses. I need him to get control of the room. It is a really sweet idea to actually care, to wonder what the animals think of us. We don't care. We get the translations to Ron McGill and say,

get out of here, we'll give you a bunch of money for your donation and get out of here. You're a loon. Don't care about the animals so much. We've got bigger problems. The humans are at risk. The downside is learning stuff we don't wanna know. Like, you know, where it's like all these all these animals at the zoo

They're in like isolated, so they're all crazy people like they're just like talking to the rocks like hey good to see you today rock It's just like oh, that's sad that elephants talking to that rock over there That wait wait till you start talking to people who tell you the plants are also the plants have languages that we do not know Aaron Rodgers That's a whole podcast industry for itself you can secretly talk to the plants as well That would be now that would be boring that I'm out on I don't give a shit about what You know don't pee on me, please don't pee me It's in my eyes, No, not the lawnmower the lawnmower that must be traumatic

Or is it just a haircut That's true. No way they trust us no way. They do look at it. It's just a haircut. That's true. I know way they trust us no way They do look at it. It's just a haircut. No Finally this guy killing our friends Or maybe they want part of the action is like please two gods pick me pick me roll me snog me so god Nirvana Hmm shut down my brother. No that's a lot of nirvana uh... thank you for a i'd really do feel bad for you today are that job cannot be

done successfully under any circumstances it cannot be done successfully under these there are too many people yelling at you gas bag of the week is not available to a fingertip your gloves are way too big but i will say and i cannot dispute this today is the day that when you walked into this room into the room uh... in management to run this show you have never looked more physically imposing you have never looked larger

than the room around you everyone smaller than you uh... and that has since fallen apart yes because i'm sitting down on that stand we would all agree that rory in a hockey uniform i gave off the hockey playoffs are here and big uh... big fast strong people are about to be bigger stronger and faster because the most fun stuff is coming our way and now Zazz is gonna say the train is coming two different ways and he's got a whole lot more belief in one of the teams than he does in the

other well I mean he's got a whole lot of belief a whole lot more belief of one in the teams than the other you know what's gonna happen though this Sunday no don't do this you know though right, so I mean Panthers lightning Game one what's gonna happen? It's been a full year Lightning get that ass took yes, there's an ass so they're gonna get took so back. Okay. Oh, it's my drugs I love these playoffs the Stanley Cup playoffs and courses through my veins the odds of the anxiety they have the entire game Shake and then the end when the final buzzer goes the horn and and the Panthers won the game

Oh, it's the greatest feeling but those 60 minutes though before it's my drugs Is there any particular reason have you guys noticed that this keeps happening? Is there any particular reasons as low that? When I put you to your allegiances, I know I can ask you the question right now Who do you believe in more right now and it would be the Panthers by leaps and leaps and leaps and bounds. Yeah. Yeah Because they're legitimately I mean it's also been proven. They are legitimately a great team Okay, I'm confident in the heat tomorrow night. They're playing the stupid Hawks All right, like what are we stupid Hawks. All right? Like, what are we talking about here?

The Panthers, that's a great team that has a chance for a dynasty. I mean, they're trying to get to a third straight Stanley Cup final, a second straight Stanley Cup win. Yes, I am supremely confident in my favorite little hockey team. Yeah, it didn't take that long for the Panthers to adjust to Paul Maurice's system and that system is very much built for the playoffs a lot of forward-checking. It's hard to understand you. I know I know I can't I can't speak. Roy, is Russ the thing in hockey? I'm just saying like a lot of these guys been out for a while. You saw Chuckie was doing the rounds yesterday

media he was on the shows yesterday. Not all the rounds. He's going to be back on Sunday. He'll be back. Roy, you are in a position right now where your hockey show is blossoming. You are a hockey expert. We have you in a position right now where it's not very easy to do your job, as I need you to promote the hockey show because the hockey show is going to soar over the next two months of crazy, crazy insanity with Rose and Dwork You need to be able to promote your so but show but you're in a costume and I need you right now

To be great with Zaslow on hockey, but you want to be passionate But you can't speak because you're wearing a chin strap. No, it is very difficult She does is oh, it's very difficult to speak normally as it is now with this mask on. A totally unfair position, I have put him in. You sound like a ventriloquist, like an amateur ventriloquist. Just a thought here, maybe we take the mask off. Or loosen the chin strap. No.

I mean, the rules don't allow, you gotta wear a helmet. Yeah, I gotta wear a helmet, you know, I can't. There have to be consequences. I don't think you guys understand what punishments are. How is it possible that you guys don't understand that there understand what punishment are how is it possible that you guys don't understand that there have to be comic consequences on punishment what did you have to wear the costume today you don't know

the a m on the whole i got a lot of losses in i got word is because of uh... the grid of death is one of the questions you know this look i'm gonna tell people so i don't think anybody knows what i'm about to say might might make may be says low is one of no joy taylor would also know that it's okay the grid of death was stolen yes as low as show yeah hold on a second finally hold on finally hold on a second hold on finally hold on this is scandalous in seven ninety circles this it

this is something that me and Joy Taylor and Amber Wilson have spoken among us many a times. Wow. This show, I wasn't gonna bring it up, you brought it up though. So now we've opened Pandora's box, everybody knows that. You stole Humiliation Pool. I did Humiliation Pool, you put another name on it,

Grid of Death. Cool death cool. You stole Humiliation pool from my show We had the wheel of humiliation You have your grid of death These are the same thing you stole it. I believe it. I believe it was the 20th century poet Sean Carter who said you made it a hot line I made it a hot song I think I mean things that it was a nice idea but it was very primitive we took it we polished it up we gave it bells and whistles we made it

into a monster finally the truth comes out so I'm glad I finally get to address this because he deserves this honor. He's a legend in the sports radio industry and him, Amber and Joy did an amazing show for a long time here. This was a flat-out thing that was stolen by none other than me personally. Just stolen. This is a hell of a mission. It wasn't anybody else, I did not ask them. They were doing something, they were spinning a wheel or doing something, I'm like, wow, that's a great idea.

Those people are actually- It's called the wheel of humiliation. Suffering the consequences of what they're doing. And I'm like, all right, let's grab that. Stolen. What were some of the humiliations they had on this week? Better ones than we do. You guys won't do any of them.

Thousands of times, people who were interested in entertaining the audience with actually having consequences, their punishments were thousands of times better than yours. Zazzle, tell me some of your punishments that you guys had. I mean, one of them where we get shot up with the paint guns, you know, paintball. That was tough. You know, that was tough. Another one, Joy Taylor, she had to wash our cars while,

you know, dress a specific way. And another one. Oh, good times. So much better. Good time. Long time ago. This is great. Long time ago.

I mean, I think anyone would wear a bathing suit outside. OK, that wasn't probably what was happening. It was a tuxedo. Romberg, Brett Romberg had to dress up. He had to wear a dress and go shopping at Publix one time. OK, also, somehow more so. Ah, somehow more so. Funny.

Wow, Dan. You know what? Really good job, Dan. Wait a minute. Wait, so we did polish it up. Bells and whistles. Okay, so the idea, as you mentioned earlier, and I hope, saved by retrospect, oh, that was primitive. Okay, let's do that better than that.

How about one time you had to give foot massages to everyone else on the show? That's humiliating. Okay, all of these things. HR. All of these things are, as I remember, they were more creative liabilities, as I remember. They were consequences that were worse than those.

We still haven't found consequences to what it is that we're doing here today. And while the magic crate of content moved me off the subject matter, I would like to know in a break or somewhere else i want to know how it is before the end of the show today i'd get the payoff of zaslow is playing for everything tonight i don't our backs wax one i'm i don't care how we arrive at it i will not leave today without knowing that zaslow is it let's make the stakes the next heat game

and the consequences are going to feel huge. It's not going to be about just money, but it's going to be a big money consequence. We all understand this, yes? That what we're doing here. I think we have the consequences. They're right here on the board. All or nothing, Dano. Pearl Jam tickets both nights, plus paid work if they win, if they lose. No Pearl Jam tickets, indentured servitude, unhappy wife, kids hate you. Had to eat a gas station hot dog one time. Oh no.

Delightful. Which gas station? Thanks for the invite. I think they're good gas station hot dogs. I think- Oh, 7-Eleven, yeah. I think you guys are now amateurs on what it is that convenience stores can make. Those quick trips?

I had a whole meal out of quick trip. Well, two taquitos for $3, all day. That thirst buster. So that was a punishment I had to do, the taquitos. So there you go. Yeah. Pablo had to eat pickled pig's feet, that seems disgusting. Lucy had to dress up as Bobby Petrino.

The worst ever is Mike when he had to eat the tripe. That one was the worst ever. That was he had to eat the tripe that one was the worst That was the absolute Billy onion wasn't great one time had to get smacked in the face with a fish a real one It was dead what kind? Cold fish sardine trout well I so there there have been a couple of times around here that I have been truly disgusted The Billy Gill onion story is crazy to me. I still don't understand it

Billy Gill It's having to eat on a whole onion was the bet and he took a few bites started throwing up and then what happened? He ate it like an apple. We're gonna get the crunch the famous crunch. It was just Bad as it sounds ended up hospitalized Well, but kidney stones so but those kings they can't be combined. Can they you I? Believe an onion will dehydrate you and the dehydration will cause the kidney so oh That is that's not us getting like a fake sounder. That is Billy biting into an onion. So that is Billy actively poisoning himself on the air

if we had known that the onion was that dangerous. To be fair, I could bring my dad in and have this challenge and he will clean it up, man. No way. And ask for more. No. My dad has a snack. We'll just get some raw onions.

No. Just raw onions and start popping them. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I do not believe that there has been a character, I don't believe there's been a character through human history, even in fiction, who has ever walked around eating an onion like an apple. Tell me that's existed.

So you're telling me that two or three bites of onion are gonna poison you or they're gonna dehydrate you so much that you're gonna be hospitalized like Billy. My father, as a snack, will take, now he won't take it like an apple, but he'll chop it up, he'll squirt some lemon on it, he'll put some other spices and seasonings, and then he'll just start eating it.

Like just go to town. Okay. And however many are on that plate, he's gonna eat them all okay but so so but that's still not the same as eating it as an apple is it Tony are you with me on this like eating an onion like an apple I I would assume that would make everyone listening to this wince it's insane behavior for sure I think a weak man that would happen to him like Billy

is not like stomach Lee very well a week man yeah Billy grew up but he gets dehydrated goes to the hospital I mean yeah that's crazy Billy grew up with all the trappings of modern society man air conditioning and running hot and cold water and cable TV internet all this stuff my father grew up in a village what he have in Africa man like the dude the dude when he was like 18 went hitchhiking from Sudan to Europe With like $10.00 How far is that? That is a long ass way the dude had to cross over and take boats and shit and then hitchhike didn't speak the language

He told me like in Turkey He would just go to the back of the restaurant and they would open up that like the bats of whatever they're cooking like this and it's like mm-hmm this mm-hmm now my father He would have loved the ability to speak every single language because anyone had to do all that Folks listen up They're here and they're hot get ready because Jimmy John's is turning up the heat after years of perfecting the cold sandwich Toasted sandwiches are finally here. Try one of their three all new toasted creations. The toasted chicken bacon ranch, all natural chicken, creamy homestyle ranch, applewood smoked bacon,

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So grateful for that partnership because you guys know, we believe it. It's a beer for people who love their beer. And hopefully our audience loves their beer enough to always trust Miller Lite, like I do. From game night parties with friends, or a special anniversary like 20 years together on air, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life. Cheers to 50 years of Miller Lite, the great tasting light beer for people who love beer since 1975. It's Miller Time. Miller Lite is brewed for taste. Simply put,

it just hits different because of those simple ingredients like malted barley for rich, balanced, toffee note flavors and the iconic golden color. Oh, and that white can. Do I love that white can? 96 calories. And just 3.2 grams of carbs per 12 ounces, Miller Time is always a good time. Miller Lite, great taste, 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up Miller Lite

pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller Time, celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.