The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Big Suey: David...M*A*S*H Sucks

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

"I was scamming them left and right." Everybody knows that when you stayed home from school you watched Price is Right and rooted for Plinko. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Long-Bandie Twizzlers candy keeps the fun going. Keep the fun going. Welcome to the Big Suey. Presented by Draft Kings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other damn. Levitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab

somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar. This episode is brought to you by Draft Kings. Draft Kings, the crown is yours. What is the going rate? I'm here in Miami, uh, happily sitting in the chair and being with all of you this week. One more day tomorrow. And I did not go to the Marlins game because one was enough, but I can see from the Elser, which is amazing. The views from the Elser are amazing.

And I purposely try to get the city view when I'm at the Elser because then I get to see Marlins Park. And I must admit that I'd rather look at Marlins Park than a cruise ship or the ocean. Because you're like, I did that. I didn't make the ocean. Sorry for jumping in. But that's just, I just picture you. Having a nice morning coffee, just being like, look what I built.

I don't have that deep a voice when I'm alone in the morning. I don't say it out loud, nor do I drink coffee. Look what I built. But I exactly, is he? But I will tell you that I enjoy. And when the game's going on, when I'm getting ready for the next day, the game started 640. And I'm trying to look in through the outfield wall. On the east end, there's glass.

I'm trying to see if from the else I can see into Marlins Park. Do you have binoculars? You brought binoculars. It's like three miles away. That sounds like someone who steals cable, David. It sounds like you're doing exactly what you were just speaking out against. You did not pay for more than you. If you grow up in New York and don't have a telescope, then you have not grown up in New York.

So wait a time. Like you carry a telescope with you? I've been in multiple hotels and Airbnys in New York that have telescopes. It's a real thing there. You have to learn in the city. You got to close the shades. I think Billy's on to something. Are you essentially saying that if you're from New York City, you know how to be a peeping Tom?

I'm saying that New York City kids know how to do a lot of stuff. So when you move into a place in New York, one of the first order of business is like, what can I see? And who can see me? Right. That is what you do before you rent a place or buy a place in New York City. You always have to look up, down, left, right to see who exactly has view into your apartment. This can't be far into. Have you ever been in an intimate moment?

and you realize, oh, shit, I didn't close the blinds, and you feel very vulnerable? Often purposefully. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Nice. Only murders in the building, didn't they have a whole thing about, a whole season about that? Yeah, across the way. It's a major thing that there's a new season coming out.

Also, Friends has had that before, right? There's episodes of Friends. Yeah, Ross couldn't figure out which apartment to go live there, and he kept going to the wrong one. And you try to find the apartment. It's a great trope. It's a great cinematic trope when you try to go across. It happened in a great movie that I love called Keeping the Faith. Oh, that's a good movie.

Where Ben Stiller and Jenna Elfman, and Ben Stiller went across to the guy who happens to be a real-life husband and tried to contact her to say he loved her. I love that movie. But in any case, I tried to look into Marlins Park because I wanted to see. And the fact is, the way we built the glass

in the outfield wall, you can't see in. So therefore, I couldn't see the home run. I couldn't see the loss. I couldn't see any of it. Well, it's on television. Yeah. Maybe that is true, except not when you're in Florida.

I've seen two Marlins games all year long available on my YouTube TV. I tried fishing for Marlins games. No pun intended. Don't look too hard. And couldn't find anything. Well, they also, this season are airing Friday games on, like, CBS 4. Oh, really?

Or Channel 39, one of the... Yeah, I think it's CW. Yeah, it's one of the two channels that they own. They're airing Friday games there. So if you don't have the... I don't even remember what it's called, the whatever plus that you can watch it on, you can watch it there.

Wasn't that where they were showing Friday Night Games on Apple? So now it's just the other ones now that they're showing it? That's national deal. The Friday night Apple is a national deal. The Friday night, what the Marlins are doing, and it's not an exclusive window. So there are other teams showing their regional games. But what the Marlins did, because their deal with the regional sports network, as many teams did, which has created such a big revenue disparity, is TV money. It's dried up.

I mean, it's dried up like you're 90, and you're looking at the games, and I can't find it. I have no idea what to do here. CW one day and Fandual Network. You got to pay, what is it, 2019, 99? I don't know, man. I signed up for it last year and it auto renewed. You should have that bundle. They don't have a bundle.

Wow. You know what happened? They started losing teams. And before I had to choose which one I wanted. Did I go to Marlins Panthers? Did I go Heat Rays? I went Marlins Panthers. Sorry, heat.

They broke it up. Before, you know, when you had cable, you had both channels. Now, when they broke it up and you had to do the streaming, you had to choose which one you wanted. That was easy for me. Marlins Panthers. Well, I noticed what ended up happening was, is that as they lost teams, it seems as though all of the teams are now available on the one bundle that I had. So you now have Marlins, Panthers, Heat? No, Panthers left. Panthers are on scripts or something.

Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Do you know what you pay to watch your local teams? What I pay to watch my local teams, do I know? That's a move. You say the question again. Are you delaying? It gives you more time to think. Well, I'm trying to figure out exactly the question here.

Like, you're asking if I pay separate things to watch all the teams or if I watch them all in one place? No, I think I know that answer. You can ship the question to me. So I'll go buy the four teams, right? The Panthers last year, I ended up buying Panthers Plus for $70, and then I later found out I didn't have to. You don't have to. Thank you, Mike. I think you get that channel with an antenna, too.

So it's $0 that you can watch a Florida Panthers for it. Unless you're me and you get stuck in a nice donation you made. $70. The Dolphins. I pay for, not for NFL, the whole thing. I just pay for the Red Zone channel, whatever package that is. And I believe that's just $30. See, he doesn't even know.

I told you. Red Zone's confusing. Baseball, don't pay a dime. But if I did, I'm sure there's a number. And what am I missing? Miami Heat last year, I did have to. Man, this is wild. So I used to borrow my sister's Fubo login.

Oh, well, yeah, that's a crime. But then she canceled it. So then I had to purchase Fubo for like three months for the end of the season just to watch the heat. And that was triple figures. So that's three months of $300 plus the other two that I do. June Lee says you spend like $4,500 a year, so that's what you spend. You have YouTube TV? I do.

Well, then you do have the local Dolphins games. You have seven and four? Right. I only said I paid for the NFL, Red Zone with the NFL. I don't pay anything extra for any of the local teams. I get it all on my service. YouTube TV is a little luxury. I afford myself during football season.

You know, the multi-screen. 4K is a little overrated. You need YouTube TV for football. What the company's count on is what Billy just said he does. He forgets about. auto renew the amount of money in auto renew golf now got me for 105 dollars how many months like damn it I haven't been golfing in two years still at LA Fitness I was I was offered I was offered like free MLS for the year and I was

like free for the year I'll take that with my phone plan like that's a good bundle I'm not gonna watch it but I get it for free why would I turn that down and I started reading I'm like you're gonna be charged $70 next year I'm like no thank you I'm not gonna watch any of these games and I'm gonna forget to cancel this previous This administration did forth legislation to make it simpler for people to cancel their subscriptions. And then the new administration was like, that makes too much sense. We're not going to do that anymore. I understand your frustration and I feel it as a consumer where it's, I referred to it,

and this is the old way to do it, I refer to it as Columbia Housegate because that's how I would get in trouble as a kid and that's aging me. I owe Columbia House and BMG still so much money. I was scamming them left and right. I don't even care if you're out there and you hear me say, come at me, bro. I owe Columbia House and BMG so much money.

I'm pretty sure I pay $30 a month for a porn site for like the last 20 years that I've never seen. I just can't cancel it. It's not as easy and it doesn't matter. Obama, Trump, it doesn't matter. Whoever Biden, it really doesn't. The fact is that you say you make it easy, but the truth of the matter is that there are certain ways

if you've tried to unsubscribe from an email list, the little tiny button where you have to unsubscribe, and then on top of that, you have to do another step. It takes you another page. And then if you don't hit it right, then you got to get a reason why, which I hate giving. ESPN Plus, you used to have to unsubscribe from the same device you use to subscribe. And then you have to think back and be like, what device did I subscribe to this on? I have my email.

I have my password. I know you need to do this from the same device you use. And it's like, that could have been an old computer. I'm never going to get out of this now. You could have borrowed a friend's phone while you were at some gathering and all of a sudden you'll never be able to cancel. How about most of these fitness places? This actually happened with me in massage envy when you want to cancel the membership.

You can't call. They make you go in in person and sign some documents. Like that's shit to do, man. Oh, I used to tell people I have COVID. I can't. I have COVID. And they're like, okay, don't come in here. Don't come in here.

We'll cancel. FaceTime. Like, sure enough, LA Fitness canceled that real quick. They didn't want me go in there spread COVID. That's the greatest wild billy hack we've had all day, is that all you have to do is cough? Well, I mean, it was in the middle of COVID. But I was being charged for a gym that wasn't even open. And I was like, I'm going to cancel this now.

Like, you got to come in. I'm like, oh, I can't get that. They're like, sir, please, stay home. Stay safe. Stay away from us. I believe that if you looked at our GDP and you took a percentage of what. Is that our GDP? or R-D-D-G-P, because those are different.

Our, O-U-R-G-D-P. No one knows what that means. General draft position? I'm with Tucker Carlson there. No one knows what that means. Gross domestic product? Yeah, no one knows how to calculate that. People know how to calculate what groceries cost and what it costs to buyout.

I thought it was where Sequan's getting drafted. Thank you for the relatability. I was trying to point out that the amount of money in our economy from people who don't think to cough to cancel, it is a big part of our economy. There are companies who count on that money. They count on. Cough to cancel is what. what Billy did. He had a cough to cancel to get out of something. Yeah, but coughing's back. It doesn't

work anymore. People are fine with you coughing on them. I've been coughing for two straight weeks. No one bats an eye. It's fine. No one is letting you cancel anything. Sleep isn't just rest. It's survival. Especially when your alarm clock is a 5 a.m. Text from Dan. You need more than just a bed. You need one that adapts to you. That's why a sleep number smart bed is a total game changer.

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21 and over, age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction, void in Ontario. Bonus bets expires seven days after issuance. Four additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.com slash audio. Dan Lebatard. My algorithm on Instagram is dance, all boobs. Stugats.

It's a good algorithm. This is the Dan Lebatar show with the Stugats. I'm saying that there's certain things in your economy that are very important to it. And I want to get back to the Marlins game that I was trying to watch in the home run ball and the trade that happened. Oh, you would have loved this.

It's fantastic to think about what you would trade for a guy who's the Marlins player. You've never heard of him, but he's a rookie, came up, first home run. Someone catches it in the bullpen. Josh Hater, specifically. There's a rule when the opposing team catches a home run ball.

Is it an unwritten rule or a real rule? Unwritten. The first debate was whether the bullpen was aware. Don't you know when a guy is like just called up four days ago? There's no way they know. No way. They're not following the sport? No. Okay. They've never heard of them.

No, that's what the announcers were assuming that they didn't know. But that's the unwritten rule. You don't throw that ball into the stands until the bullpen coach, if it's in the bullpen or someone on the side, the first base coach, third base coach, whoever it is. is, is telling you, all right, that's good for a souvenir. It was his first at bat or his first home run? It's like his fifth game.

And so Josh Hader, who is a closer, took the ball and gave it to an Astros fan, and the player wanted it because you always get back first hit for a hitter, for strikeout for a pitcher, first home run, all of those things. I could understand if you were to expect the bullpen to know if it was his first at bat, it would probably say it on the screen, right? First Major League at Bat, perhaps. I don't even think. But the first home run, I don't think.

The funniest part was you see. the Marlin's head of PR, John Eric, go over there, and he's walking down, and then security goes to him of like, why are you bothering this lady? Like, why are you here? And he does this move of, you're seeing this all on TV, the broadcasters are doing play-by-play of this, and he shows the badge. I hope that lady still has a job. I mean, trying to kick John Eric out of there.

Do you remember when it happened to the GM of the Raptors? No. The first while GM of the Raptors tried to access the court and could not because security wasn't wearing his credential. you got to wear credentials. No matter how famous you are, you've got to wear credentials because security is paid to pay attention. I don't need a credential.

People need to know who Messiah Yuri is. So then Jeremy ends up over there, Jeremy doing the broadcat, the sidelines for the Marlin. So now Jeremy's interviewing her, and she's realizing, oh, wow, this ball's kind of important. What do you think he was? Like, do you imagine him running through the concourse? Oh, I got to get there.

At one point I believe Kyle Seeloff was like, Jeremy's sprinting over there to answer, get all the answers to our questions. And so it is about respect that even if you're Pat Riley, no matter who you are, you do have credentials because you don't want the security people to be in the position where they're forced to do something. He does not wear them.

You want to know what his credential is? Pat Riley? His face, his hair. And do you think that every security person knows who Pat Riley's faces? Do you think that? Yeah, I do. I bet 90%. There's got to be a 10% that don't.

The answer is it's not 100%, but I don't want to stop the show to go through it with you, but I promise you that Pat Riley is not recognized by every game day employee because they're game day employees. Any game day employee who asks Pat Riley to show his credential, it will be immediately replaced. That's what I

was fearful for that employee last night. I also don't think he's going uptown for chicken tendees. I think like the surrounding area in that lower level the folks know. There are times when you do go up for a chicken not Pat Riley. You think Pat Riley is standing on that Papa John's line on the

concourse level? Some He's using the self-order machine? Sometimes it's important to be amongst the people. I tend to say you're wrong. But I also tend to say that the home run ball that Josh Hader threw in for a guy that no one had ever heard of, it's barely worth a sign ball. Right. Like, okay, so this girl was holding out.

Like, oh, what do you want to trade me? This ball was not that big a deal. You're lucky if you get a bat. Right. She ended up getting to go a dad. after she got a signed bat, assigned ball, and a picture. She made out great then. Yeah.

Really well. Okay, the Astros bullpen, though, is like egging on the negotiation as her fans around her. Big deal, Jacob, Marcy. Marcy's have been there almost. If I'm the Marlins, I play hardball. I'm like, all right, you get a beer, a hot dog, and another bullpen ball. That's it.

How can you get you think? Why would she say no to that? You can't trade something you don't have. You don't even know this guy. Maybe she doesn't drink. Okay. You can have a soda. Maybe she doesn't like hot dogs.

Maybe she doesn't like soda. You have a snack? A drink. and then we'll get you a replacement ball from the bullpen that Josh Hader will talk. I mean, the joke's on her. She wins this, you know, she wins this negotiation. Now she has to get a baseball bat back to Houston, signed by Jacob Larson. Airport security.

Congratulations. Do you know for sure it was signed by Jacob and not by someone else on the team? He was there in the phone. Are you saying that's possibly what happened? Oh, you definitely, depending on what you're trading, sometimes you offer a bat of a different player. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying maybe someone.

else sign Jacob Marcy's name. Oh, no. No, I'm saying that sometimes it's so valuable that you'll say, all right. She's like, I want Sandy to sign this. Exactly, which if you're negotiating, that's what you would do. 70RA is not worth that much. Well, it's still, he's a, well, who would you want on the market? No one wanted him at the deadline.

It depends what they were asking. Well, I'd want Kyle Sowers. Like, that would be the guy. If you have a choice. I think Sandy would be ahead of. Yeah. Yeah. Anyone but Jacob is what.

Why? What's wrong with Jacob Marcy? Like 500? If you're an Astros fan. 1,200 OPS? The guy's bawling right now. And you also neglected to realize that the problem at Marlins Park is that the Astros fan is likely living in Miami. No, she flew in.

Jeremy interviewed her. For sure? Just for the game? Yeah, that she travels. Tourism, baby. Yeah. It's a big matchup. Astros Marlins on a Tuesday.

Look at this. Jacob Marcy is the first MLB player to record at least four extra base hits and four walks in his first three career games since at least 1901. I mean, now if you're this lady, you become the better. This Marcy fan because you have now a signed bat and a signed ball from him. So if he becomes a Hall of Famer, we're looking at some peace. I got two words for you, Kevin Moss. Okay. I just have a quick update.

I'm very, very sorry about this. I'm sorry to all the friends' fans out there. It was Joey who was looking to find the woman across the street in the window and kept going to the wrong apartment. That checks out. Not Ross. It's a Joey move. Ross lived across the street and used to do the, he did the fake having a son thing so he could get out of a date or something else. somebody and he put a pumpkin head as his son's head so sorry for confusing those two story

lines conflating confusing i mean friends it's a long time ago already people it's not a thing it's too bad friends is definitely a thing they make a ton of money what do you mean friends yeah it's on every day the syndication money that goes to them but if you talk to kids these days are they watching friends that's a great poll question yeah are high schoolers watching friends Yes, they are. It's huge. So that's going to be 100-0, Paul? I think that was a thing recently where Friends has become huge with a younger audience again.

Friends, office, parks, and rec. I feel like since they're always on, they just keep cycling through the new generations. Why isn't anyone watching MASH, though? It's not on all the time. David, MASH sucks. This whole thing about MASH being the greatest show. No. It's not.

It's ass. I've sat there, tried to watch MASH. No. It's kind of bleak. We're talking Vietnam here. It sucks. Korea. MASH sucks.

Yeah, like I said, Korean War. All due respect to the people that were making that high art back then. But even me as a kid, like, all right, I'm home from school today. Let me watch this daytime programming. Here comes MASH. What a buzzkill. This show sucks. That's what I was, 12-year-old me was thinking, this is not good.

He's right. Mesh sucks. It had to be said. It had to be said. We reference MASH all the time here as if it's some great. television show and Mike just nailed it. It was very, even the music is sad. It makes me want to cry.

Yeah. You got to get all smashed, David. That's literally the name of the theme song. I didn't hear it, but it sounds depressing. No, no, no, no, no. I can't even think of it. It's like, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, nah, na. Don't look at me for confirmation on MASH.

I bet you can think of the Friends theme song, though. It actually sounded closer to what David was doing. You actually did do the Friends. Yeah, you did. I conflated friends in MASH because they're so similar. The Rembrandts. MASH most overrated TV show? Yeah, I think so.

Top five? We're all of the same age group, right? We all stayed home occasionally sick and we'd watch Prices Right. That was the one show you had to catch when you were home sick. If you were home sick and you didn't watch that day's edition of Price is Right, what are you even doing home? 11 a.m., Lord's Time Zone. WSVN would always have in the heat of the night

I'm like, whoa, I can't do this. And when we're watching Price is Right, Price is Right, Homestick, what's the one game we were hoping? Plinko. Plinko, always. Obviously, Israel, obviously. What was your number two? I didn't really have a number two.

It was all about Plinko. Clifhanger was a good one. Which one was Cliffhanger? The guy were to go off the mountain. You had a goadler. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I like the dice game. I like the dice game too.

I like that you got to have both dice over the line, like casino rules. How about the putting game? Always a great one. You've got to try to get as close as possible. That microphone that looked like a little skinny cock. Jane Rayburn and Bob Barker's same microphone. How exciting was it when one of the contestants would bid a dollar? You idiot.

Oh, it's exciting. You know the game. My favorite of them people didn't get it. Like, they bid a dollar and entirely the wrong time, and the whole audience is like, what are you doing? I like when the third person about a dollar, and so I come and say two dollars. Right, that's a ball's move. Yep. I thought it was way more ballsy when the bed is 350 is the bid, and the next guy goes, 350.

I would kick somebody for that. Don't pull that shit with me. Right, this is my one opportunity, and you're coming in with 351. Look, it's not a fight. But you go down the line. If you lose to that 351, you know these sports. which positions, and there's six winners per game. I always was thinking about the math of this.

What about when people nailed it on the money? Then you hear the bell. And what was the extra thing that they get? I forgot. $100. That's it? That's crazy. But the whole item was like $300.

Well, think about how much money these games used to give away. Like, the show was called $10,000 pyramid. It changed to $100,000 at some points. Oh, did it? But it was originally $10,000 pyramid. That was the grand prize. Give me $10,000. I'll be happy.

Survivor's been giving a million dollars ever since 2000. It never changed. It's surprise money for winning Survivor. A million dollars is always going to have a ring to it. Like, a million dollars is always really good. Million dollars today is not what a million dollars was in 2000. Obviously, but a million dollars is still always good. $100,000 doesn't stink.

I believe Sunbeam Television owned the rights to in the heat of the night, which is why up until very recently, in the heat of the night, was always part of WSVN daytime programming. Maybe the NFL should buy in the heat of the night. Is that Carol O'Connor? Is that Archie Bunker? Yes. Yeah.

But it wasn't Sidney Poitier. Oh, come on, then. Did you think it was Sidney Poitier? I didn't say. In the movie. Thank you. In the movie it was. TV show totally different than movie.

And I didn't watch the TV show. But there's a lot of changes. And this is, I don't think we're in the local hour anymore. Sidney Poitier. was in the jackal. Really? Yeah, he was in the jackal. I've only known him from Two Sir with Love, and then I thought he retired.

What about sneakers or guess who's coming to dinner? Breakfast at Tiffany's. Who was going to dinner? It turns out you don't know. Breakfast at Tiffany's wrong person. Audrey. Oh. And Hannibal Lecter?

I believe, not Hannibal Lecter. Hannibal, who's the Hannibal from the 18? Burris. Hannibal Burris? Yeah. Yeah. That was his last name of the 8th team? Yeah, his toughest mission was Bill Cosby.

I believe he's in. He was a major actor, George Pabard. He was in a bunch of great movies. Don Lebertard. I've never stepped foot on that campus. If you told me right now, your life depends on it. Go to Santa Fe University and just take a picture. Stugats.

I would die. I don't know where it is. This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats. Speaking of great movies, how's that for a segue, Chris? Can you do the thing that you do that we do, that we love doing with Boost Mobile, please? Good set up there, David. The Boost Mobile, Speaking of Bills.

Boldest Take is presented by Boost Mobile. It's the newest 5G network in the country, and let's see what the audience cooked up today. On Kansas City. I'm going to start it over. Let's take it from the top. Let's try to take it from the top. I feel good about all this. Hey, this is Lou on a walk.

Adults shouldn't have stickers on their cars. It's so much more polite to trade someone while you're playing against them in baseball. That way they just have to walk to the other dugout and not go all the way home before traveling. Daniel, the Super Samuel from Philadelphia. What a serious question for you guys. Is Mount Rushmore on the Mount Rushmore of American tourist attractions? Thanks for taking the call. This is dead from Kansas City on a trio.

I believe that if you don't lose it, one can of WD40 can last a person a lifetime. I'll hang up and listen. Hey guys, wanted to give my limited fake of Charles Barkley saying Sergei Popovsky. Sergei Popovka. Hey guys, this is Blake and Eugene, calling from Hyundai Aloncha. I think that grocery stores should have traffic laws, by fines and possibly banishment for repeat offenders. There's way too many people clogging lanes with their cart,

taking corners about looking, cutting you off. And I think it needs to stop. It's not talked about enough. Thank you. Just soon from Seattle, I don't think most people could even tackle an NFL ticker or punter. What do you guys think? So at least once a week, Dan Levitart likes to say

his fans are the most loyal in the industry. and we get rewarded for that loyalty with a week of David Sampson? Really? That's how we get rewarded? Is that easy? It sounds nothing like me. The voice-altering machine worked. Was Naked Gunna's success?

Made $17 million opening weekend. Finished third. That doesn't sound like a success. I mean, second place was the bad guys, too, which was $22 million. It's all digital now. Yeah, movie money's just down, but it was third opening weekend, $17 million. Like, how many weeks is it going to stay out like that? I don't have anybody in this room able to tackle anybody on a football field.

Just like I don't have anybody able to hit 103.9 million miles per hour fastball. The budget for... Million miles per hour. The budget for Naked Gun was $42 million. Now, worldwide, it seems like the week one haul is $30 million. So this stands the reason will be a profitable film. Is that including the marketing? Brother, I don't know.

Stop. I'm saying that... I honestly, shut up. Stop coming, Mike, with facts that you don't have. It's a budget that's listed on IMDB. Like, you want me to put in a call. Put in, you got connections. It just says budget there.

Budget, I just go off with the budget. They don't have like a sub budget. It's not our job to give that information to the audience. Maybe that's in the budget. Wouldn't you say marketing would also be in the budget? No. No? It's not.

All right. than you find out. I don't care. I can tackle Jason Sanders, Billy can tackle Jason Sanders, Tony can tackle Jason Sanders, maybe I don't think so. What are you doing there? We're all talking about the money that it's making. And I'm like, okay, well, let me give you something helpful. Here's a budget. Forty-two million dollars. What was food and beverage? Shut up.

Jason Sanders 5-11. I don't know. I take his ass down. I saw naked gun in the theaters. Oh, you saw it. I saw it. It was funny. at times really funny was it theater packed uh no no it wasn't wasn't packed it wasn't it wasn't empty it looked like a movie that was finishing third at the box office older crowd uh it was an older crowd um i get the casting of leam nison but also is comedic timing it made me really miss leslie nielsen because leslie nielsen's deadpan delivery is so much better than leiam nison um i get why they cast him and there are times that he's funny in the delivery works but I just wish that they

had somebody with more comedic jobs did he have a taken moment in the movie because I believe that there's some actors who have that moment no matter what role they play like Sylvester Stallone has a rocky thing in whatever part he has like you're looking to say oh that's sort of rocky no I mean there were good dead pen moments like there's a good back and forth where they talk about the black eyed peas run of the early 2000s that I enjoyed and then like a TiVo situation what about Pamela Anderson. Pamela Anderson was good in it. Pamela Anderson was good in it, that the dude from Kingdom, the Academy Award winner, Paul Walker Houser, is that his name? Oh, I nailed that one. From Blackbird. He was really good. He was really good in it.

I really enjoyed it, and I wanted to support it with my dollar by going to the theater because I like comedies. Friendship was a comedy that came out earlier this year that I was hoping the R-rated comedy would be back at the box office wasn't too kind to that film. Comedies seem to still have a pretty long way to go. I've already bought my tickets for weapons. Weapons. Going Friday night with my son. I'm so excited.

I have to know why the kids are running out of the home in the middle. I do everything with both sons. Well, the older one, he's 16. He's got a social life Friday night. He's not coming out with that. Which one of the kids, his bris I attended? Which one was that? Oh, gosh.

I don't know. I don't remember. I think it was the first one. The runaway. What did the penis look like? I wasn't close. I was a back, back end of the room. It was the first and last bris I've ever been invited to.

I don't know why I went. It was like a weekday at like 10 a.m. But I pulled up. That thing was packed. That was a lot of people there. It's a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's a little deal, but it's a big deal.

Chris just asked what happens. At a bris? Cut it off, dog. That's when you get circumcised. Cut it off. Good for him. And everybody has to watch for some reason. It's very strange.

Except my wife who runs away crying. You know there's no invitations to brisces or funerals. Right. You just, you go. Yeah, it's word of mouth. Yeah, you don't get like an e-vite. I appreciate you invited me on the air, so. Yeah, no, no, that's word of mouth.

That's what that is. But there's no formal invitation that is sent out, you know? You have to prepare shmirs for, like, a lot of people. Yep. That's food. That's a lot of food. I know what that is. A lot of tuna fish, a lot of chicken salad, a lot of white fish salad,

because you just don't know the number of people were coming out for free food and to watch a little. I almost screwed up at the hospital when my son was born. I think it was for the first one because, like, the nurse, you know, if you're not Jewish, but you want your son circumcised, they'll do it right there at the hospital. You know, it doesn't have to be a whole ceremony. And so the nurse, you know, said, will he be circumcised? And I immediately said, yes. I didn't realize she was asking, do you want us to do it here?

So you're like, hey, no, well, my wife goes, no, no, no, we're not doing that. I'm like, oh, okay, I didn't know, I thought she was just, you know. What would have happened then? Well, small talk she was making. I don't know, but it had been. What do you do at the bris? It'd have been bad. It's so small that you can just cover it with a little towelette, with a little handkerchief,

and no one will know the difference. Speak for yourself. You do a fake little slice. Have you ever seen the fake slice? No. You're good to go. That's exactly what. If you're asking me, what would happen, you still have to have the bris.

You cannot do the circumcision in the hospital and then not do the separate. But you're lying. You're like lying to God and all these witnesses. That's right. A hundred percent. What the rabbi say. the rabbi said, don't let him do it in the hospital. You have to have the frame of mind to say no to the nurse.

Yeah, it was bad. I was really young. I was like 28 years old. And no? I didn't know anything. They ask you so many questions. Like, when you're under duress in the hospital, when a kid's born, like, what do you think about this? It's like, this is like, this is like, this is like, I don't know.

Just leave me alone for a few minutes? No one told me how any of this works. And now you're going to send me home in a day, and I don't know what the hell I'm doing. My wife can barely walk. You're giving us this being, and I got to take it home with me. now? I don't even know if I have the car seat improperly. Nurses just turned me into photographer. They're like, dad, get your phone out. Here it comes.

I'm like sitting in there. Like, I would like to be in the moment here, but if, all right, the nurses are telling me, I'll get my phone out. You took video from head or toe. It's like a photo of my baby, like as soon as she came out, just because the nurses were like, Dad, get your phone ready. And I'm just like, I thought I was going to be in the moment here, but okay. I did. I do have a great photo because of it. But you have to ask the mom. I think that that is something very clear as the dad. Like, which side would you like me on? I was not on, yeah. You were at the head, not the toe?

Yes. I mean, Jesus, David. What kind of photo do you think I took? I wish I had a photo and all of a sudden a little, like, I walked over there to go cut the cord and... Oh, I don't cut the cord. Well, no, it's not actually attached. Very gummy.

I don't cut that. Very gummy cord. It's like cutting a rubber band. They have scissors aren't sharp enough to do one slice and it's a piece here. What do I do? I have to walk over to where they were and I had to pass by this area. And I'm like, you can't not look right. So I just look right.

Oh, do! Imagine going to like a tax office and say, hey, you want to do this last part? No, I'm good. I didn't go to school for that. It's ridiculous. Here, do you? It's cut it right here. You're good.

Right here. I didn't go to school for that. You did. Here, you want to cut the court? Are you confusing me for the doctor? You want to come to the studio and give a season prediction for the dolphins? It is the sneakiest material that cord. I leaned in.

I was like, where do you need me? Very gummy. The scissors suck. They have like something on the end, dolls. It's like, I don't know. Like the scissors you get in kindergarten. I wish I could use those. These have like a weird shape and they have again like a flat part at the top.

If you cut it wrong, do the kids have an Audi forever? No, because you're cutting so far away from where they are. Yeah, it's like your cut's actually not important. No. It's like a ribbon cutting ceremony. Right. It's like big scissors. What are they giving you big scissors?

I would take that. Shears like and then the belly button's disgusting for like the next week. It's just this big black shit. That just falls off and if they poop, you wipe it away with the poop. You like, oh, what do I do with this? Did you keep it? Do you keep your head belly button? My mom kept mine, too.

You keep yours? Weird mom's ass. No, man. Threw it away? Did you keep the foreskin? No. Yeah, that's a thing too. That's a thing.

Throw that in the garbage. You keep it. That's to get dry after a while, right? Well, so does the umbilical cord. Everything gets dry at the end of the day. Okay, so you're pretty adamant about this. Do you know where your foreskin is then? 100%.

I did not get it in the divorce. Send us a photo. So she's got it? Is it in a safety deposit box? It's in the time capsule underneath Marlon's park. How much would you... It was one of the things that was delineated in the separation of assets. Who gets the force?

She fought for it, huh? How'd a boy. We only had one. We had one plus three of the belly button things. The thing that falls out. I don't know what it's called. Yeah, it's called the belly button. You nailed it.

So there's four. So it ends up being two-two. that's equity I got two belly buttons wow and you know where they are straight yeah they're in an envelope and they're labeled

I mean how otherwise you can't tell them apart there'd be no way to do it is that brown thing you're like yeah is that my kid or is that mine it's so important to label I'm a big label because you think you're going to

remember stuff but you don't you can't no what's the most random thing you've thing you've labeled. I'm going to have to go for skin right up here at the top. That seems like a winner. But no, I will label things if I have extra supplies.

So there's like labels in the cabinet where the extra supplies are. So you know like where to keep the extra detergent. There's a label that says detergent. And so you know when you buy extra detergent, that's where it goes. And when you're a guest in the house, you know where to go to get the extra detergent. So your house is like a big office max where like everything. things labeled. You walk around there where it's like, oh, this is where the remotes go. Okay. And put six remotes here. Do you have a map? Like so people know or they just have to

start opening cabins? Fire exits? Do you have like where to go on a fire exit? I'm telling you our code. Things that are labeled. You're laughing, but I think it's very nice. So people don't have to rummage through stuff. When they need, when you run out of sugar, there's a place to go to get more sugar. You owe Billy some money now. Thank you. It's like monopoly. Did I just land on your word? That's exactly right. And your shirt. You're still wearing that. and I copyright that also. What's the charge?

For what? What are you going to charge every time I say sugar? Say it again. 10,000 I think seems fair. 10,000 per mention? I think it's fair, right? It's not what it used to be.

That used to be a prize on a game show. I think that's fair. You can have a very hard time collecting that. I think you ought to be like a penny per mention. It'll still be rich. You have a better chance to collecting the penny per mention. Do we have a luminary coming on with us shortly? How great is that?

Have you had him here, before? Well, it depends. Who'd you get? Mr. Marlin? Nice. Local. Jeff Kohnine is here. Nice. Because he's reliable. When we asked him to show, he showed exactly on time and on budget. He's

way bigger. Now, he could tackle somebody. Again, so can Tony, so can I. I'll tackle the show. Jason. Maybe my comics. I think you guys realize how tough these players are. Jason Sanders? Yeah. I get to wear pads too, though, right? You don't think you realize the progress that I've made over the last few months.

Thank you, Mike. That's what I said maybe. You do look great, Mike. What would you go for lightest or smallest? Because you don't want to try to tackle like a 5-8 running back. Well, no, no. We said Jason Sanders. He said, kickers is the people you want.

Kickers and punters. That's what he said on boldest take. You think you could tackle Rodrigo Blankenship? Yo, for sure. I don't think so. He's actually pretty tall. Dude, he's jacked. Don't let the glasses and the mustache fool you.

That guy can beat that shit out of you. I'm tackling him. I'm not fighting him.