The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Big Suey: Huh... No Piss

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

Dan is embargoing his Dolphins and NFL thoughts, so we'll get to those later. First, Billy's phone is racist, no one can find the proper networks on their televisions, and do you have a speaker in your bathroom? Then, Leeman got stuck in an elevator over the weekend, and it leads us to discuss HOW you'd want to get stuck. Do you want someone in there with you? Would you lay down? Would you pee...? Plus, heartbreak for the Cesta Cyclones, Aaron Rodgers still wants to play despite the Jets season being over, and Raheem Mostert is somehow one of the most successful Dolphins of all-time. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. Welcome to the big suite presented by Giraffe King. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Levitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries

that if they're just there, that hasn't happened to you guys. I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, that face and the habitual liar. Stugots, I got derailed from what is supposed to be live coverage of all things NFL and Miami dolphins. By Chip Kelly. Stugots, well, the business is fascinating to me.

What is happening in the business of giant football? Because Saturday's arriving Sundays now, Stu Gatz. So I am fascinated that they have to build the whole scaffolding to whatever the future looks like with the TV money and the crowdsourcing. Like these salaries are going to go crazy because Texas isn't going to miss out on quarterbacks. Like they're going to, if we're going to make this about money, then Texas A&M is going to spend all money so they've got a great little toy there that gets the recruits and so if we're gonna make it that brazen there's not gonna be a salary cap you're now gonna see tycoons why does Phil Knight get to own his own program I want to own my own

pro sure I'm gonna buy a minor league college football team yeah but there's nothing wrong with that as far as I'm concerned again the real benefit is the other colleges some we talked about FIU and losing a player to Notre Dame, but Syracuse got a player from Ohio State. Like, Dan, schools like Texas and I guess, you know, Florida State, Miami back in the day, they have options at quarterback. And so some of these quarterbacks get there

and they realize, hey, I'm not gonna play for two or three seasons. And I want to play and make money. So now we can go to Syracuse, make a million bucks and throw for 4,000 yards. And see if I can make that a program that matters. But yesterday, some things happened in football that I want to get to. But I mean, they rare position out. The dolphins are now a national story. Do you know how rare this is? Like, it's super rare for the dolphins to be, you're watching yesterday. That was a lot of bad football. That is a historic first for me this season fell asleep during the one o'clock games. Dennis sleep hasn't happened to me. My wife says,

I's tired as I am that the only thing that keeps me awake is football. That otherwise, I'm just collapsing. One o'clock games done couldn't do it so many unders yesterday forgot that there was football Saturday not the only one that happened to correct put her on the pole please juju at levitar show did you forget until it had started that the NFL was playing on Saturday it's going to be real confusing this next week it's bills and chargers and it's just on peacock I think it is you're right dad it's just on peak a lot of people are just going to miss're right, Dan, it's just on peacock. A lot of people are just gonna miss that game. Jessica, why are you shaking your head? I mean, welcome to hell.

This has been Notre Dame and Big Ten fans' fate for the last two seasons, putting games exclusively on peacock, and then your grandma calls and says, oh, I dropped peacock on and you're like, grandma, I can't do this over the phone right now. If you have a grandparent or a parent that is like Dan and Sue Gotts and they have Xfinity, tell them to just say the game into the remote and it's built in.

You gotta push a button first. Built in. Yeah, Pekaka's own bike's finity. So just say, Notre Dame into your microphone in your remote and you're good. It might not get at the first time, but that second time it always works. I had to find Pac-12 Network over the Thanksgiving holiday to watch the Notre Dame season finale against Stanford, and I had to download what's it called Fubo

and get a Fubo Elite package for that night. The free trial. There's no shot in hell by parents would have been able to watch that game without me. There's just no shot. There was a Pac-12 game game and it was the first time in about like 12 years and I bet on like a lot of soccer and answer by John it was the first time I could not find the game that I was betting on and it was in the pack 12 because it was on Pack 12. I told you guys this story before, okay, latent my grandfather's life, okay,

as he's trying to figure out the transition from remote controls to cell phones and wireless phones. I asked my grandfather to answer a phone for me, my cell phone while I was in another room, and I came in and he was trying to answer the remote control. You guys have just said to me, I have now just envisioned myself as my grandfather, talking into a microphone, Notre Dame!

Talking into a microphone, Notre Dame is what I'm looking for. Now it's gonna be Bill's Chargers. It's gonna be on Saturday, Bill's Chargers. Were you aware that your remote control has a microphone? I do, yes, really. Yes, yes, yes. Well, I've had a meeting. You're ahead of me.

One of the great things around here on Tuesdays is seeing Greg Cody talk into his phone to dictate his text. He does not like typing his text. He has learned how to do this. I've learned some very simple things, but Mike. I hate that. My phone's racist. Doesn't understand my accent.

Don't think it's that thick. Everything that I say it jumbles. I'm telling you right now racist phone. Bias, do you believe the microphones are made by the white people? You try to take us down this path every day. You've never made this act as a piece on the path today. I can't believe my phone is racist.

I'm shocked by what's happening right now. I've always avoid this. You're this guy. You're worse. Oh, no. You've never had an opinion on race in 20 years of us going to show. Falsehoods, I just, you know, I'm not going to say this Christmas present as race. It's not everything's racist.

My phone is. You've never said anything is racist. My phone is, I said it right now, on record. I can't believe this. You know, something that's going to come back legally and hurt this company that I would never. Well, you already did it, so now we're here. This is why you try to avoid it,

because you don't want into these waters, tell me more. It's, you've got too much of an accent. Apparently, it doesn't understand a GD thing I say, and I don't get it. I feel like I speak very clearly. Is that the end of your accusation? I, I try to figure it out. You explained it to me.

What could be, do I enunciate poorly? Poorly? I don't think you have an accent. I don't know figure it out. You explained it to me. What could be, do I enunciate poorly? Poorly? I don't think you have an accent. I don't know what to talk. I don't either, but when I interned up in Washington for a summer, they told me that I had an accent. First, I heard of it. Yeah.

Because you have a Miami accent, a Cuban accent. Apparently, Miami accent, I don't know. Jessica, do you hear this? No, but I did read recently that there's like a new recognized dialect of people in Miami have their own specific way of speaking now Billy I think anywhere else nowhere else is like it Billy I think you've got a lane here to get aggregated by all of these political weaponization sites No, no, you need this. No, no, can you say literally?

Can you say the word literally literally but I have to say the word literally when it's not literally producer for Levitard show Clay his phone is racist. That's a good little just be Levitard says Exactly, yeah, that's hard. I funds a racist Just figure out how to do it so that you can now get rewarded for your first ever in 20 years race Take one of the little fun one of the little fun things I like to do is if I'm watching English talkers, I say it in the accent. Loot.

And it actually figures it out. Like, what if I were an Englishman vacationing at a place where they have Xfinity, you know? What's gonna happen to that chap? So I just make sure that they can understand someone going, loot and crowley town. And it just shows up on the TV. It's amazing.

Barcelona shows up. I will. It's amazing. Barcelona. It shows up. I will say this, Exfinity, when I had Exfinity, like their remote was very good at recognizing any accent. And so much so that like that, I would kind of change the way I would say things just to see how ridiculous I could get

with some of the things that I would say and see that it would like recognize it. But not even like, I wouldn't even give myself like an accent. I would just speak like very demonic and see if it would like recognize it. But not even like, I wouldn't even give myself an accent. I would just speak like very demonic and see if it would be like, per-cock! And then see if it would take me to peacock. Yeah, it always did.

You guys sound very lonely. You're not serious people. No, it's a fun game. You should try. You're playing with your fun. You're playing with your- I'm about to watch dishes with playing with your remote. Sometimes I like to confuse them.

Is that what we call it these days? All-burn Alabama. And it's still like, oh, okay. S-C-C. Try to throw it off. Yeah. It's like an imaginary friend. You go and watch Arsenal.

You guys go on Arsenal. When you're hosting your kids, you guys are adults. You have children walking around, watching dad, yelling accents at his Apple controller. I mean, sometimes I do the at-orger on on voice just to make sure that when Ed wants to talk into his remote that it'll understand what he's saying. All right, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very is when I talk into the remote control to get a movie to come up because I don't feel like typing it and it takes me to the wrong place.

It takes me to something else. I don't like what that happens. It happens all the time. I mean, I don't think it's because I have an accent. I also don't think it's because I'm doing it wrong. Holiday Pickle, for the Pune. Great show. Halloween Pickle.

Big Duffet. Season 7. Jess, you're going to love Stupatiti this week. We talked about post. Great show Halloween Bakel big Duffin season seven Jess you're gonna love stupidity this week we talked about No, we talked to the host of the hollet of the Christmas cookie challenge Wait, which who's the host of the Christmas cookie challenge? Eddie Jackson. Oh, yes, he's hosting it this year. Oh god I have so much to catch up on I'm still I have one episode left of the great British Bakeoff great British Michael Neville D did age.

Does your watch ever just started listening to you and like try to do, it happened to me twice last week on air where Siri on my watch just started going to search things. I said something about ketchup and then Siri was telling me that history of, look, right now, right now, Siri's listening to me is going to tell me about ketchup. Yeah, you need to turn that feature off.

I don't know how to, I don't know. The things that you must have said Siri because then Siri turns on when you say Siri. Yeah. Mm. Okay. Now Siri's listening and doesn't want to talk. I don't know. You must have said Siri because then Siri turns on when you say Siri. Okay, now Siri's listening and doesn't want to talk. And this is why it's so hard to explain to older people to get how to get peacock on their TV's band. The young children. The other thing that is happening to me and clearly this is also happening to others And it's not just because I'm your grandfather shouting into my remote Law nor the organized no no no no no I wasn't that law nor the organized crime

Now look now you're just doing law nor I said law nor the organized organized crime The speaker in the bathroom is listening to me it it talks sometimes by itself when I'm in another room. What speaker lives in the bathroom? The speaker that I have in my bathroom. Why do you have a speaker for your bathroom? For music. For music. None to day fiancee heavily of after.

This happens to the rest of you, correct? I don't have a speaker in my bathroom. Me neither. I have a speaker in my bathroom. You guys don't have any devices that are talking to you. I have a sono speaker in my bathroom. If I ever want to sing out loud while I'm showering. I go in my bathroom. You guys don't have any devices that are talking to you. I have a sono speaker in my bathroom if I ever want to sing out loud while I'm showering. I go to my bathroom.

To be cool jerk to hear nothing. Oh no. For silence. Oh no. Oh no. Like what are you doing? What did you just do? Why did you do that?

You should be ashamed of yourself. Who? You could be talking to three different people? Still got. Yes. Dolphins relevant. He's right. The dolphins are relevant. National story last time was Richie and Cognita. I am going to save it. I'm going to save it for the rest. Save your thought. I'm going to save my, I'm going to embargo my football thoughts. But I do want to ask you like like what am I to do with the following like we analyzed the hell out of this sport two broke girls The Dolphins tried to the dark head one how they afford the place

Why is there a horse the dolphins Try to replace their running back all off seat. Did they ever mention the horse? And Rahim most dirt has more touchdowns than anyone in franchise history. NCIS, I'm not done yet Hawaii. And as many touchdowns as Christian McCaffrey, they tried to replace them all off season. Are we really at the place where the coaches matter so much that the disposable position can produce more touchdowns. The most disposable position can

produce the most touchdowns because your coach is better at offense than anyone else. I'm okay. I just want to show 9-1-1. That's the future professional football and college football was won by that swamp monster and or drunk. Abbot Elementary! and college football was won by that swamp monster and orange runs have an elementary done lebertard for the range drops were lemon drops and gun drops oh what a rain that would be stew got standing outside with my mouth open wide ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

if for the range drops were lemon drops and gun drops A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Yeah, I mean, this isn't that bad. It's not. I'm going to give it five minutes before I send a text. All right. Who do you text? I mean, by it not being that bad, I mean, it's not at the level that the mice will pick it up. All right. The jackhammer is how often making an appearance on our show. It happens.

We're still in a building that's under active construction, but typically it's not supposed to. Well, you made a rule, right? You said nothing from nine to one, they're not supposed to be doing construction around us, right? I mean, that's, I mean, make a rule for others to be followed. I was brought in on that was supposed to be the understanding and looks like some, some constructions kicked up upstairs But we're we're gonna make it through we're gonna be okay as long as the construction fixes the elevator problem because And at the end of my rope with the elevators Okay, well didn't your didn't your boyfriend trying to go to the elevators during checkout time for coffee

It's a very busy time for a fire. There's nine elevators. Right. Been a rough weekend for you and Lehman on an elevator. No, I'm with Jess on this because they tell you the elevator to go to, you run to it sometimes it's there, sometimes not, right? And then you have to go back out and you have to go back in. We're complaining about our landlord already.

Too much technology. I love the elser. At the lovely elser, hope that I don't go. Just the elevator. We're just complaining about technological advancements made to elevators. We're just recomblating about technological advancements made to elevators. We're also on an undetermined floor that isn't that far to take the stairs.

I will take the stairs from now on if someone just shows me where they are. I don't know where they are. What happened to your boyfriend getting stuck in an elevator this weekend? He got stuck on an elevator for an hour. Oh, no. I will give you Billy Gill $10 if you can guess the first thing the fireman said when they rescued him from the elevator

Get keep a mind. This was in New York City. I don't know. I want a pizza. That was a good guess. No, huh? No piss In an hour people piss themselves scared People pissed on the elevator all the time to pick a p-corner right away and establish it. Claim it. That's known. Just mark your territory. This is my corner. No one coming. Was he clearly? It's got to be a back rider left situation. That would be the first choice.

It's never going to be the first like near. You don't want to near the buttons. No. You don't want to near the doorway. Right. You think no one heard that? Backer let. Back rider let's. I hope no one heard, but I just said. The elevator was he stuck with somebody on the elevator? He was luckily by himself because if he was,

leave it as, I feel like I'd want someone else in there with how high up was he? 16. Oh, no, that's too high to start jumping. Yeah, because if it's gonna be like a 24 hour thing, we gotta like play some games or something. I was stuck on an elevator once on like four with my roommates mom in college.

See, that's an awkward one. Yeah, I want to know you. I want to be with someone that I don't know that well. Chris, what game are you playing in the elevator? The hand slap game. That are my hand on top of yours. I love that one. Move it real fast before you slap it up in my hand.

That are if the season ended today, right? Yeah, that's a good one. Yes. I would have died. I would have died if I was stuck in the elevator for an hour, because what I would have done is start to look for the secret door on the roof, like, because that's what you have to do.

Yeah, it has too many. Yeah, exactly right. I've seen too many movies where you escape through the top of the elevator. So you know you need to start looking around. So what would have happened is, I would have started kind of looking around, it would have been hidden behind the light or something,

and I would have either electrocuted myself doing that, or it would have been like hopping up if it was like a higher ceiling elevator and then I have to do like a swing. We're like, ugh! Like you have to, oh sorry, I have to swing like that and get my leg up to get onto something to then crawl out of that hatch

and then I would have fallen down and broken my back on the floor of the elevator or I would have successfully got in out through the top of the elevator and then what exactly right, I would have successfully gotten out through the top of the elevator, and then what exactly, right? I would have even, like, had some wind or something, maybe trip and fall off of the side, and then I fell down an elevator shaft by myself,

or I would have poked myself on something that, you know, maybe it wouldn't have killed me right away, but it would have rusted in long term, I would have died, or I would have touched something, you know, or some sort of something out of it. I've always wanted to use that phone in there. They don't have phones anymore, they have like a button. Like a of it. Would you use, I've always wanted to use that phone in there. They don't have phones anymore. They have like a button, like a button.

Well, that button, I've always wanted to push that. See where it ends. Well, there are a number of who's here. There are a number of who's here. I think he did use the button. Hello. I'm stuck in here. See you, sorry.

Hello. Did you piss you? I was at a wash cross. Where are you? I watched a great... Really, I watched a great Colombo the other day where the killer hid the gun in the hatch on top of the elevator. And then I thought, what if Billy got stuck in this elevator and tried to climb out and found the murder weapon?

Oh wow. I would have touched it by accident and then either be implicated a murder, I didn't commit or when I like reached up to pull myself, hit the trigger and shot myself in the head and I would have done it. I'm telling you, you try to get out of the top of an elevator and anything can happen. Billy has brought up a lot of good points here. I have?

Yes, I'm, trust me when I say that I'm as surprised as you are. But the good points are I have somehow climbed off up the roof and now I'm on top of the elevator. Now what? They make it look so easy in the movies and then they go and they're just kind of like standing on the doors for like the next floor. They just like try them open with their hands. Yes, how on earth can they do that? When I got stuck in the elevator, we were in between floors and they had to like

carry me through like a half bubble. No, thank you. It was so, I was like, yes, what if I get cut in half? Exactly. Apparently it happens all the time. All the time. You talk for me, Clive.

Billy, I don't think that's actually true. Stugots, this is what I'm telling you, okay? The now what was a good point? No, there are many, there are sprawling good points made here. And I don't want to go being guillotine by an elevator. I will try to find all of them. And my embargoed football thoughts on the dolphins will have to wait for a second. Oh man, my embargoed NFL thoughts from Sunday.

I fell asleep during the one o'clock games. We'll have to wait for a second. You fell asleep during Carolina Falcons. That was an atrocity. That was wrong. 45 cent tickets. They were charging too much, too much. All of those fans should have been paid for having to endure that. And congratulations at Lennon Falcons. You're always that. No one trusts you. You're not any good. you had a chance for the division. But you're still do. You're still do, but you stink and get out of our lives.

No one believes you can do anything this year. But Billy, so we got your Falcons thoughts before the Dalton thoughts. And Bargo, I've got a lot of thoughts on football and Bargo, all of them, because Billy made a lot of good points. Billy in the middle of that said that 16th floor was too high to start jumping up and down. Evidently, he's got a plan to jump up and down until the elevator goes down a few floors, and then when it hits the ground, he will also jump up and then not get hurt.

Yeah, you know the trick. Yeah, you have to jump right before it hits the ground, and then you land, and then you're good. I've heard that you're supposed to kind of bend your knees and then hold on and kind of breathe. You're supposed to actually lay flat and then everything absorbs, slow at the same time. I'm not laying down. It's like a good way to break your back. Never laying down.

Yeah. Well, I don't know the right way to do this, but I wish to discuss it. But the other thing that you've just brought up, which I'm sure that you've been afraid of, because you're afraid of everything in this scenario, is you climb up, you try to climb up, you fall on your back, you break your back,

and then it climbs one floor, goes back to working again. And now the doors swing open and you've got a broken back as they swing open and the elevator's working again. That's what you're scared of, correct? Well, I'm scared of a number of things. Also, now just kind of talking about it, let's say I miraculously do get to the top of the elevator. I would be the person that accidentally has the hatch like clothes while I'm outside.

And then there's no way to open it and then no one will know that I'm out there. And then I'll just like die of starvation on the top of an elevator. Or it goes to the top floor and you're crushed. That happened in a mission impossible movie. It did. Would you mind? Dude, poor Emilio, he missed the boat.

Emilio Estabaz was like the mighty duck guy. He could, yeah, the mighty duck guy. But he could have been one of the mission impossible guys. If there was any foresight, and if his agent or whoever agent or whoever was like how about we don't kill him off five minutes into a franchise It's gonna go like ten movies long Terrible move agreeing to be killed that early on terrible move. I saw the other one last week or the week before that bad He's the best you just keep talking sometimes who would you most or least want to be stuck with on an elevator for my crew?

Oh, wow. If it had to be two of us, then like Stu got you around there, who would you want to be with? I'm really sure, put it on the poll, Judeoat Lebitard show. What do you prefer if you're stuck on an elevator by yourself or with someone else there? And I think all of us are agreeing. We don't want multiple people there, right? You don't want six people in the elevator. One or two. I got to have room to sleep if we got to like be here a while.

I would go with Juju from our crew. Why is this, why is the person, why was the firefighter asking about piss, piss from fear? Piss because you could not hold it. Piss because some people are going to go through a series of claustrophobic people. They're going to get scared and they might piss themselves the way. Didn't David and Joku say that yesterday that that Hail Mary in the end zone wasn't his quote. I damn near shit myself dog.

Like is the piss from fear? So Leemon didn't follow up with the firefighter and ask why do people piss in the elevators? But I imagine that people are on the elevator coming home from a bar or a restaurant or a day of activities in New York, and you always have to pee when you come back to your apartment, right? You always have to pee, right? You don't just pee when you're out,

especially in New York. There's nowhere to pee. So luckily he didn't have to pee, but his friend did, and his friend almost came home just to pee in his apartment. Luckily he didn't, because he would have been, he would have been the one to pee in the elevator. I'm thinking to myself, if I've come out of that particular vulnerable and gone experience for an hour,

the firefighter has to have better bedside manner than greeting me with, huh? Didn't piss yourself, huh? Good icebreaker, I think. Trying to lighten the mood. Yeah. The firemen were angry. The firemen were angry because the building maintenance

didn't get Lehman out faster. So there was a lot of screaming going on and Lehman and the firemen just yelled at the building people for like an hour after he was stuck in the elevator for an hour. What do you want the firemen to do? I mean, are you okay? Like, what do you want in that spot?

I just, it's not like an icebreaker. I, it's just, your rescue is here. It's a little heavy-handed to meet you by way of greeting and think yourself, I piss yourself person. Like, you need some good elevator humor at that point. Like just a pun or something. What are you doing here?

Yeah. What's a time that would make all of you scared? An hour is something, we're now entering an area where you start thinking about some of the things like if I have to go to the bathroom and I don't want to piss myself, I don't want to be alone in my sitting in my urine. I think it depends. If there's someone talking to you the whole time, I think I could do an hour.

If there's no communication, like my phone doesn't work and the button's not working, then 20 minutes, I am pissing everywhere. I got his opening line. Elevators never let you down, huh? Because they were stuck with me. I wouldn't want to be stuck in an elevator with you, Chris. How long before you get off your feet, like either sit down or like just lay down? Three minutes tops.

After 10 minutes, I'm sitting. Yeah, yeah. 10? Get comfortable. I gotta establish my corner in here. When's he not making it 10? When do you take off your first article of clothing because it's too hot billy i have you shirtless on top of the elevator doors. You're like, what am I doing out of here? I can't believe I climbed to the top of the elevator.

Surely it's gonna move soon and crush my head because there's not gonna be room here. You'd be afraid of every circumstance and you scamper back into the elevator. Yes, and I trip and fall into the elevator and probably break my neck. This job has a lot of ups and downs. Oh, God.

Did you Google elevator pun? No, it's reading on the phone. And it's firefighter Alex Jones. Some people take the elevator, others get the shaft. That's a good one. No, Stugats. Sports! Sports! This is the Don Lebatard show with the Stugats. Before we get out of here today, Stugats, I have to get to the heartbreak that was Friday night walking into the palace in Poryam where Micrion and Chris Cody are sports kings, owners of a high life franchise, and I see Udonnis Haslam shirtless, covered in champagne in front of Ray Lewis,

who is introducing the new champion who have just defeated the Cestice clones, and Udonnis Haslam is sliding down the court on his stomach through champagne, because they're so happy to have wiped the floor with the Sestas cyclones. It was not close. It was depressing because, do you got, Ron McGill lost $50,000. That's what?

His endowment. Okay. His endowment. If they had beaten you, Donnis Haslin, yes, that's him grittying right there. He bet endowment money on this game. That's weird. Yeah. The winning team gets 50k to the endowment.

So if we had won, you, you, you, you, you, you, D's foundation will now get that 50k. You can't lose 50k if you never had 50k. Right. He was despondent. He went there to win 50k and if his team had played better, if my new had played better, if they needed to be a good deal better, because you don't see, his team kicked everybody's ass. But the thing that I wanted to talk about before we get

to all of that, because I felt like Chris Cody and Mike Ryan were hurting. I don't know if it carried into the rest of their weekend or not, but I want to finally get to my embargoed NFL and dolphin thoughts. Wow. After much anticipation. You've never teased them before. I know.

This is the first time in show history. That is correct. I've never teased. I have never teased an embargoed dolphin thoughts. Again, God bless football is coming on after the show. So these are the exclusive fresh football thoughts that the Levitade show with Sturgat. And there was a lot of football the last couple of days. Saturday's football was better than Sunday's football, but none of the football was particularly good. A ton of unders come in yesterday, a lot of backup quarterback play,

but a couple of interesting things, including everyone's going, oh my God, you don't want to see Buffalo in the playoffs, obviously. Right. And we can question Dallas today at the top of the sport, but it seems pretty clear that the most balanced teams in the sport, San Francisco and Baltimore are the, they can beat you the most ways and the dolphins are in the realm of that conversation. The chiefs, the chiefs are close to whatever it is that you would trust that team with one game. The only reason you wouldn't trust the bills is because they've been the bills.

Like it's the only reasons to go to everybody would fear playing that team. It's different though, because the bills are still trying to make it into the playoffs into the postseason. If the bills were having a dominant season, you might not trust them. But now they're a team that you just don't want to see.

It's just a very difficult, I can make the argument that Buffalo is better than Miami, not in the standings I cannot. But in terms of balance, I'd fear that game if I were the dolphins at the end of the season for the division. But I want to get into some other things, including the New York Jets of Stugots. The beloved beaten Stugots went to a game yesterday. And it's not just that his quarterback gets concussed. It's not just they scores zero points.

It's not just that they fall into the bottom of the division that gets them eliminated at the end of that day from the playoffs when everybody's still in the hunt. The season started with Aaron Rogers. The season started with Stugots and Greeney saying, Super Bowl, Super Bowl. Yeah. And you got from the Patriots what you needed a bad season.

And the jets were supposed to play with the dolphins and the bills. But they now have not made the playoff for 13 straight years. That is the longest streak in football and in basketball and in baseball and in hockey. Over the last 13 years, no team has not made the playoffs more anywhere in sports you're watching. Then the New York Jets. Yep. They got in a Rogers,

they had him for four plays. And now this one's, this one's so good, Stugots. This one's so good. You're going to really risk $60 million in guarantees on a 40 year old quarterback because he wants to get back for a gamer to this season. It's crazy. You're going to risk next year's guarantees $60 million after this season because he's been cleared and he wants to get back by Christmas and play a couple of games and you're going to leave

that decision to him. I'm not doing it. I mean, they're leaving that decision to him. They've left the entire organization to him. He's making all the decisions for that organization. So he's going to be clear to play football. To play football this week, according to reports, the doctors are going to clear him this week. I think it's insane if Aaron Rogers takes a single snap for the jets this year, but I think he's going to do it. It's not my decision. It's not what I would do.

I would have him sit until next season, but it's something that Aaron Rogers clearly wants to prove and it's something that he clearly wants to do. It is funny to see him on the sidelines just looking like the head coach. I know a lot of quarterbacks when they heard of War the headset, but they cut to him after plays. He's always malding stuff. He does seem to be the guy in charge. No charge of let's think about this for a second honestly if we're talking about player empowerment and what the quarterbacks realize including Brady hey

I can get a three hundred seventy five million dollar broadcasting job and now where these guys are going to compete with talking about player empowerment well we weren't but when you talk about Aaron Rogers running the team. Right. Well, he is, I mean. But that would be power. Would it not? He wanted ownership of the team. He has for a percentage they did not allow it. I just want to be clear because I haven't necessarily bought in on this segment

because do you think that this is actually happening? I know he wants to play or at least wants it out there that he wants to play. You think he's actually going to play football this year? I hope he doesn't, but I think Aaron so barely wants to show everyone that I can come back this quickly from that injury that, yes, I think he's got to play football. I hope he doesn't, but I think Aaron so barely wants to show everyone that I can come back this quickly from that injury that yes, I think he's going to play. What I'm trying to get down to, where does the opinion and where is it, like, where is that, like an informed take?

Are there people reporting that this is so? I mean, he's trying to do everything he can to get back to play. Otherwise, he would tell you, hey, I'm going to shut it down for the season, but he's not doing that. He's saying the doctors are going to clear me to play this week. Now, whether or not he plays is yet to be seen, but Mike, I think he will because he's gone so out of his way to show everyone, hey, I don't get you.

Tell your killies, you're not sitting out for a year. You can come back this year and I'm going to show everyone that I could do it. If Tom Brady noticed what LeBron was getting and said to himself, I want ownership while I'm playing. And Aaron Rodgers was stopped from getting ownership, but one of the reasons he's leaving Green Bay is because, hey, I'm my own economy. I'm the one who makes the team's matter.

I can get some place, go from Green Bay to New York and run the team in a way I wasn't allowed to where the stockholders own Green Bay. I don't get to pick the players. I have to fight to get Lazard. I have to rent to get Cobb. I have to fight to get Lazard. I have to, I to rent to get Cobb. I have to fight in order to get. Let me go over here and run the entire franchise. I don't think the packers fought back that hard on Lazard or Randall Cobb. You understand what I'm saying, though? The Jets allowed him to, he, he was getting the

players he wanted for the Salary Cats. And he went to a team and an organization that hasn't made the playoffs in 13 years. It's one of the worst organizations in the history of sports. Yes, he went there because he wanted some of that power. Yes. So, at the top of the division, where the jets were supposed to be in or not, mathematically eliminated yesterday, the dolphins have disposable running backs.

The jets got the one the dolphins wanted, Dalvin Cook at a price. Yep. Jets got him, he's done nothing i saw a zikia leia yesterday levin carries for twenty five yards we spend these guys quick burn up their bodies remember what's he look like when he came to the league can't do it anymore done a few years get out of here that quickly that's how fast it happens it's not he's not a big time veteran that's the the economy changed on him he got his money in Dallas but then, no, no more money for these guys.

They tried to replace most of it all off season. 20 touchdowns. Like what kind of franchise record they've got three games left. He's not one of the best players in offensive history for the Miami Dolphins. He's not, but yes he is. But he's not, but yes he is.

Like what is that? Franchise record. You look at all the other numbers of people who scored touchdowns and I sport for this franchise a lot of them in a season all stars can we give it up one time for Mark Clayton and how long he held those records to get the yards record this year you should beat the touchdowns he held those things along it for more Clayton respect you sir meek applause by the. I did it by myself. Yeah.

I mean, it's just one of my 32 teams. Yeah. So true. Can you guys explain to me what most dirt is worth when he's 20 touchdowns and they try to replace him all off season? What the position is worth? They didn't actively try to replace him, though.

They tried there. If there was an opportunity, they'd take it at their price, which by the way, like Greg was kind of ahead on this where everyone was kind of giving him crap about the fact that dolphins wouldn't break the bank to go after Dolvin Cook. And he's like, I mean, if it's the right price, you do it. If not, you don't because they believe in their money. And they ended up being right.

And H.N. has also been incredible. Like, I don't think anyone in this studio, and he was talking about him headed into the season. Oh, but my point isn't that they are remarkably special players on their own. They're very fast. Both of them are very fast. And so the the scheming that the coach does gets you to 10 and four. It gets you to they look like that,

whether it's Tyree kill or Waddle. It doesn't like Waddle look like to re kill yesterday. Waddle slotted into the bottle when he was the number one receiver put up the Tyree kill numbers. Now that's against the team that's done. That's against the team that can't do anything. But it's also against a really good defense. Yeah. Our quarterbacks haven't all a season long really been able to do anything against the defense. It was impressive to see because no to re kill Yabita team that has some momentum has a good defense. And it was funny because Peter King was telling us last week that he spent time with Mike McDaniel and McDaniel told them, I don't look at

the opposing team. I don't look at their film. I tell our guys, if we do this exactly right, execute correctly, we can't be stopped. But on the flip side, I think the Tony Romo said it during the broadcast. It's fine for a game without Tyree Kill. Like, you could do it for a game, but then teams will figure it out. Oh, you can do it for a game against half a team. You're not going to do it in a playoff game. Like, it's not going to look like that in a playoff game. Unless it's against the Colts or one of these teams that are bottom-run. But they're better than most of the teams in the league. And they're going to have to win a turnover battle if they face a Baltimore or San Francisco because those teams are better and maybe a Buffalo too

because those teams are about the same. But Buffalo feels to me and I may be wrong about this because the health is the only thing that matters. But that defense felt better than Miami's last year and what the dolphins added in Jalen Rams. He's a guy in two games against the jets this year. That's Garrett Wilson. He's pretty good. I understand you don't have a quarterback, but it's four targets. It's three catches against him for 25 yards. That's what you got. You've got

the ability to do that in the postseason, but you're hoping that you had Phillips as part of a pass rush. It's not as good as it used to be. And if you're not, if you're not healthy, your pass rush isn't as good as Buffalo. It still looks damn good. And outside of two fluke drives against the Titans at the end of that game, the last five or six weeks, this defense has been as good as the offense. Shub has been so good. By the way, I'm tired of Dolph offense telling me now that the Titan loss was a good loss. It was a galvanizing loss.

It was a terrible loss. Who's saying it's a good loss? The entire puts a straw man. Who's saying it's a good loss? That's a straw man. I went to the game yesterday. Yes, and again, that means I listened to the post game on my radio on the way home. And that's what they were saying on big 106. I think they could have clinched already

had they won that game. Scrammin! I don't think they're on big 106 anymore. They are. I listened. I think you're totally full of shit. Are you rummaging through your pocket? I was looking for something.

For cigarettes. What are you doing? There was something stuck in my pocket. I can't explain it. Something from eight months ago. Yeah. Same gene you've been wearing for eight months. Oh, I washed them.