The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Big Suey: Maximum Asshole

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

So.. there are monkeys on the loose in South Carolina that have escaped from a lab. Is the horror movie we discussed during the local hour actually happening? Then, before even listening to the sound, Amin GUESSES how Stephen A. Smith sounded when he said he might run for President. We also get to The Wheel of Basketball Topics. Plus, Chris Wittyngham arrives to do play-by-play for Amin's new segment "Maximum Asshole" ahead of this weekend's Georgia Tech-Miami game. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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No purchase necessary. 21 plus ends November 15th, 2024. See rules at website for participating area and other important details. Sponsored by Diageo Americas, Inc., New York, New York. Red One. We're coming at you. Is the movie event of the holiday season.

Santa Claus has been kidnapped. You're gonna help us find you can't trust this guy. He's on the list It's a naughty Lister naughty Lister Dwayne Johnson. We got snowmen Chris Evans, I might just go back to the car. Let's save Christmas I'm not gonna say that say it. All right Let's save Christmas. There it is. Only in theaters November 15th. Welcome to the Big Sui presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show?

The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan LeBattard podcast. I'm sorry. I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it.

And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face and the habitual liar. I mean, I don't have a great deal of confidence that by the end of this segment, we're going to be able to execute now no longer on the max hour, max asshole. I have called Chris Whittingham. I thought that would be funny to have him do the play-by-play on Georgia Tech football. He's too busy doing soccer famous things called Boog Shambi. He's too busy doing video game voices. All of our friends, all of the big broadcaster friends

that we have, too busy to do this. And so I don't know if in the next 30 minutes we're gonna be able to execute. It's already no longer in the max hour. Max asshole. Yeah, no, that's a shame. I thought for sure we'd get Sadano. He's always, anytime he's got an opportunity to do play-by-play. He's jumping at the bits us at all George

Local legend Eric Reid, maybe once the last time he did a football football's tough. It's a totally different skill set It's it's not great Cody doing Eric Reid. Maybe now you've sold now The problem is explaining the bit to him explaining play-by-play That's a decent idea. The problem is explaining the bit to him, explaining play by play, asking him to do anything other than a very limited fake nasally Eric Reid. In about five minutes. Yeah, go ahead and do that.

See how that goes. It's like trying to teach your grandparents the technology. Like, it's not, you got no shot there. Is this how you set your VCR? I have no confidence, okay, that we're gonna be able to execute this, but I'm gonna try anyway. Before we get there, I've got a handful of things that I wish to get to, some of them basketball related.

But first, can someone tell me the ramifications of 40 monkeys being loose in South Carolina? I don't know what that means, and at this point I am scared of everything, and perhaps this makes me a stupid person, and perhaps I fear too many things when RFK is in charge of health and we're taking fluoride out of the water, and I'm like, okay, where are we headed with all of this? What does it mean that 40 monkeys are on the loose?

Are we just gonna allow people to keep getting sick with weird viruses because we don't know how to combat them, or am I overreacting? What's the deal with these 40 monkeys? Because this is the first I'm hearing about this, and South Carolina's pretty far away. It sounds like a movie, right? So the primates broke loose from the Alpha Genesis Factory

in Beaufort County. Oh my God. Which, right off there. What are we doing? Right there, that sounds a little scary. The Alpha Genesis Factory? In Beaufort County. This is absolutely a movie.

This is how Planet of the Apes started. Exactly right. They were at the Alpha Genesis Factory in San Francisco. Izzy says South Carolina is far away. China is too. And that seemed to be a virus that went everywhere. And so I just asked the question, totally ignorant. I've seen those outbreak movies.

It's all I have really in terms of information facts. I don't know what it means for 40 monkeys to escape from a lab. It sounds like something you don't want in your life, whether you're in South Carolina or somewhere else. But I mean, Ron McGill can probably give us some expertise as to what it is that this means is it something I should fear I find myself fearing more

and more these days. You reminded me that my father and his eminent wisdom decided to show my killed my children outbreak during the pandemic. Oh no. One of my core youth memories is not too young, but being afraid from watching that movie. It felt absolutely possible that outbreak could break out here in the States or here in the world.

And now it feels like since we just went through this pandemic, that 40 Monkeys story is really creeping me out. The staff at Alpha Genesis are currently attempting to entice the animals back using food in order to ensure their safe capture 40 monkeys sounds like both a dystopian movie and a new tequila like a mess Imagine the bottle little mess gal. I like this glass half full approach instead of panicking

Let's imagine a nice mess gal on the rocks. I mean, sure. Oh, you got it? Sure. 40 Monkeys. Yes, 40 Monkeys sounds like a pretty exotic tequila. Again, though, I was very ignorant when the virus made an appearance. I remember sort of watching it on the television. Since 5 a.m., when it first starts breaking on CNN, hey, there's this problem in China.

Like, oh, that's far away. That's not gonna like change entire earth and freedom and democracy as I know it and currency. It's not gonna change everything. It's just a virus that's far away, right? And imagine I was on my honeymoon when I saw that same exact news break, but I was in Thailand,

which has the most Chinese tourists in the world during the Chinese New Year. So we were like, oh, that's interesting. So we don't know if these monkeys were being studied for anything, we don't know if any tests were being done, we don't know if these monkeys are sick, right? You guys agree with me that 40 Monkeys is a movie,

that doesn't have an ending that's good for humans, right? Whatever the movie is, if I tell you nothing more other than the movie title, and the movie title is 40 Monkeys, that movie goes dark places, right? It's not a comedy. I don't know, you, and the movie title is 40 Monkeys. That movie goes dark places, right? It's not a comedy. It's not- I don't know, you don't think you can put

40 Monkeys together and they build a fun community and everybody likes each other? Then, they did build- I haven't been able to do that at Metal Art. Ha ha, buzzing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They did build a community. It's called Planet of the Apes. They all got along. The apes did at least. Us, not so much. But again, we weren't eradicated

by the apes trying to get rid of us. If you remember the end of the first Planet of the Apes with Franco, it starts with the guy, he's a pilot, or it ends with the guy, he's a pilot, and he gets on the plane, and then we see that line of the flight going to Europe, and then it spreads in Europe, and then the flight goes to Asia, and it spreads in Europe and then the flight goes to Asia and it spreads in Asia

and that's how it happens, right? Now, here's the thing, you say, we don't know if these monkeys are sick. Let me tell you right now, they were at the Alpha Genesis factory. There's no chance they weren't sick. Yeah, but my whole life I was told, hey, raccoons have rabies or whatever, stay away from them.

But then people are friendly with raccoons all the time, so should we stay away from them or not? I don't think people are friendly with raccoons all the time, so like should we stay away from them or not? I don't think people are friendly with raccoons all the time. I think you're living in a different America than I am. The US Center for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed in a statement that the monkeys were previously living on Morgan Island as free-range monkeys and were brought

to the Alpha Genesis facility for conditioning to be around people. Free-range monkeys. So to work out conditioning. So we're okay. We're good. They're just doing cardio. They're to work out, conditioning. So we're okay. We're good. They're just doing cardio. They're gonna do their own thing.

Like we're gonna leave them over there. They're trying to quit the gym. Why is there a facility? Alpha Genesis. They were on an island? That's a movie I want to watch. Morgan Island? Where it's just a bunch of free range monkeys and then we're trapped on the island.

Roy, can we get that trickling sound? We're in the bowels of the island in the abandoned factory because now the monkeys have taken over. This is a horror now. Now the 40 monkeys are in charge because I'm walking through the darkness and the monkeys have better eyes than I do in this darkness with leaky pipes. They're also less afraid than I am.

It doesn't matter what the premise of the movie is. If Alpha Genesis is the title of the company of the bad guys, I'm in. I'm in on this movie. Alpha Genesis, they made some mistakes, and now the monkeys are super intelligent and they're running this island. And we're stuck on the island.

We've got to get out. And in the middle of this, while we're in that basement with the dripping thing and worried about killer monkeys, we're having a disagreement about whether Anderson is a first name or not. In Alpha Genesis, is it because of corporate greed that everything got thrown off? worried about killer monkeys, we're having a disagreement about whether Anderson is a first name or not. In Alpha Genesis, is it because of corporate greed

that everything got thrown off? Or was it because a scientist was trying to play God? That's a good question. I answered too quickly. Wow. Hold on. Is it corporate greed? They wanted to have monkeys do something for humans

in a servitude way? Or is it a scientist was like, you know what, I can change things? It's probably a scientist trying to play God in service of corporate greed. Ah, the duo. It's probably gotta be both of those. He's not a rogue scientific God.

He's clearly bought by the oil company. He's the CEO and chief scientist. And this is his passion project. Twist at the end, the project was just finding a faster way to warm the cockles. Alpha Genesis. Dude. I mean, that's not a fiction.

Are you kidding me? That's a real thing. You guys are gonna tell me that the monkeys escaped from a lab, give it a fictional name. I've got it. What's the most dystopian thing that's gonna eat your face? Alpha Genesis, yeah. That's a Ponzi scheme. That's not a fictional name. I've got it. What's the most dystopian thing that's gonna eat your face alpha Genesis? Yeah, that's a Ponzi scheme That's not a real thing. That's a company name that all they exist only to exist

They exist only to release 40 monkeys into your nightmares. It's you that are a rod got steroids from them That too. That's one of the alpha Genesis One of the funniest things to happen in the history of sports is A-Rod and Manny Ramirez making their way through that Tony Bosch Boca Raton tanning clinic of hormones Like that baseball was being run from a Boca strip mall AlphaGenesis also has henchmen right who have alpha Genesis branded jumpsuits But they only exist to get their faces eaten by monkeys. Nobody trusts Alpha Genesis, right?

There's no one who lives in proud service of Alpha Genesis except the scientist who's trying to play God. I think that there was a time where Alpha Genesis was the sterling object of creating things that were good for people, but then the guy at the top, chief science officer, but also CEO, got a little too greedy. Absolutely. Got a little too close to the sun.

Absolutely. The passion project done in secrecy on Morgan Island. Because obviously they got so successful, they bought Morgan Island. It stopped being a utopian scientific pursuit in the search of knowledge and became a greedy ego fest that releases 40 monkeys in South Carolina from a place, you gotta be kidding me with this name.

Who trusts Alpha Genesis? You have to blow up the island. No, that's the sequel, return to Monkey Island. Return to Morgan Island, yes, that is the sequel. Turns out there was one monkey that was still alive. Yeah, they captured the monkeys, and at the end of the episode, you count the freeze frame, you can only count 39.

Uh-oh! Roy, can you do me a favor and please pull out the wheel of only NBA issues? This is not a wheel that we pulled out of the closet. It might be in storage. Dusty. It might be difficult to find. But if you can find the Wheel of NBA Issues,

there are a number of things I wanna put in front of Amin. You found it already? Wow, it's good. It sounds so creaky. So it's Draymond talking on a podcast about his relationship with Steven Adams. It's JJ Reddick. It is Puka Nakua saying that he could play in the NBA.

And it's Stephen A. Smith saying that he might run for President of the United States. Which did it land on there? Roy? Oh, it landed on Stephen A. Whoa! Dang it. All right, so admittedly, I have not heard this.

I have merely read, read his quote, but I have not heard this. I have merely read, read his quote, but I have not heard what the quotes are, and so I've been trying to imagine what that sounds like. Do you wanna read the quotes to us as just a meme, not as Stephen A. Smith? What are the quotes saying? Just wanna make sure that video knows.

We have the clip ready to go, but just wait for me to try and guess how it sounded. You have not heard this. I've not sure that video knows. We have the clip ready to go, but just wait for me to try and guess how it sounded. You have not heard this. I've not heard it. I just have the print. I like this game. Yeah, I like that he's taking on the challenge of this game because there's going to be a payoff here.

All right, here we go. So he was asked the idea of running for president. He said, hell no. I have no desire to be a congressional figure or a senator. But if you came to me and you told me I had a legitimate shot to win the presidency of the United States of America, I would definitely consider it. I have it that he never actually gets loud.

He just does that trail off of the, yeah, and it's almost kind of sensual. I would definitely consider it. Kind of like, you don't wanna make an enemy out of me. Right? Oh, I think he goes bold and defiant on the dismount and says, but I would definitely, like I think he nails,

I think he escalates to the last sentence. Can you give us both? Can you give us Dan's options and see which one comes true? All right. Hell no. I have no desire to be a congressional figure or senator, but if you came to me and you told me I had a legitimate shot to win the presidency of the United States of America, I would definitely consider it.

Oh, I don't know. I think he goes subtle. Okay, so you think he understates his candidacy for United States president and isn't gonna go over the top because we've noticed. He moderated a News Nation panel. He has chosen at lane maximum audience, maximum audience. So not right down the middle, just collect everybody. Newsmax is gonna, it's gonna be Stephen Hay's Newsmax

where he's got Hannity, because Trump now says Fox isn't Hannity enough, Fox isn't on his side enough. So big audience building Stephen Hay, you think he's announcing his candidacy for presidency subtly instead of with maximum bravado because he wants the American people to believe in him, start believing in him right now.

The campaign starts right now. I just feel like this is the kind of thing that he delivers with subtlety, soro voce, if you want, because it reminds me, like I said, of the Kevin Durant, the original feud from a couple of years ago. But we have the actual video, Dan, so we don't have to guess anymore.

Let's hear him from his own words. You've been asked, I hear, about running for political office in the future. And some people have said that they could see you running for president. Would you do that? You think you qualify to run for president? I mean, the bar is pretty low anyway. I do not.

Can you rephrase that? I just think that the bar is really low because Trump really had no political experience and went from zero to 100, right? He didn't start a city council and stuff like that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point.

I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's of these guys. I'd love to be on a debate stage going up against these guys with And not and you know, I'm half joking but I kind of mean it I mean, I have no desire to be a congressional figure or a senator But if you came to me and you told me I had a legitimate shot to win the presidency of the united states of america

I would definitely consider it Nailed it Absolutely nailed nailed it, Amid. You know what though? You guys left out an important bit of context. I thought he was doing this on first take. I did not know he was doing this surrounded by women and so he was on the view and of course he was gonna go cocky sensual.

Smooth. I did, but you gotta give me that information I did but I, you gotta give me that information. That's true. You gotta give me that information. I did know he did it on the view. I swear to God people are gonna say oh he clearly I mean watch it. I swear to God I did not watch it before but I knew it did happen on the view. I apologize for lacking the context. This episode of the Day in the Laboratory Show with Stu Gatze is sponsored by Liquid IV. When I go to the gym, Liquid IV is with me just like my driver's license and my car key and my phone.

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For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co. slash bball. Don Lebatard! To us, residents. Oh wow! That's pretty good! It's in there! It's better! You think I haven't been practicing?

Stugats! Oh! I didn't realize we had a substitute complicated legacy chosen by- Brought to you by Headquarter Toyota. 441 Powerline Road. Second down to nine. This is the Don Lebatard show with the Stugarts. Let's spin the wheel again here and see what it comes up on the wheel here and something

else has made an appearance on the wheel. I can't quite see it from here. Does it say Trump on the wheel? Go ahead and spin the wheel there. So you've got JJ Reddick. You've got Draymond Green saying, talking about his relationship with Steven Adams. What are you smirking about? I mean, what's so funny?

This next topic is going gonna be a good one. What is the next topic? I can't see it from here. Oh, you can't see it? Let me look real quick. It says Trump. No, it does not say Trump. It doesn't say Trump up there.

JJ Reddick, so close. Yes. Two. Why is that so close? This was, okay, so we talked about this yesterday, about JJ Reddick having a conversation with D'Angelo Russell, Benson for the rest of the game. And you know, okay, what does that mean?

Cool, it was a regular basketball conversation. I had not realized what JJ Reddick's reaction was in game, in real time, at the thing that made him bet DeAngel Russell. We've got that video, ladies and gentlemen. JJ, you're talking a lot about two out of the three, two or three guys getting them to put in the effort. You talked a lot about wanting to play hard

and LeBron being the guy that played hard in tonight's game. How do you address that with the team? What's your philosophy for approaching that? I just did. Okay. I mean, if you're gonna throw it to video, you need to let video know what the video is. I don't.

You need to do that. They don't work that way. You gotta inform them. They can't read your mind. If that's not reading my mind, I sent an email and everything. It's still helpful. It's JJ Reddick storming off on a press conference in what, month two? Let's play the other sound that Amin actually wanted. He's a little amateur at throwing it to sound in the video room. It's a very difficult thing. You have to understand. The

video's got to be prepared to talk about it before and then you say, hey video, here's the video that I need when I'm talking about something Can you play the correct video? We have the we have the real video now, okay, let's see the real Look at JJ Reddick Picks up and slams down his seat that he's actually sitting in, which is kind of tricky, three times. The first one is kind of like, oh, I'm so frustrated.

And then you got some endorphin release there, and he's like, I'm frustrated! He loses it. He loses it right there. That's not a, I'm disappointed in you, D-Low. That's a, what the heck are you doing out there there? He did for those who don't have the video he was in a chair an expensive and heavy chair he was sitting and he was squeezing it very frustrated and lifting it off the ground while he sat in it in his frustration sitting literally sitting in his frustration as JJ Reddick presents

to us the optics of being a coach with no experience being a coach generally speaking as a leader in that sport do you believe in coaches who haven't done anything and have that temperament because JJ Reddick has been an impatient lose-your-temper guy since college that is not something you give power to and expect lose your temper guy to suddenly have less of a temper. He's got less control over the results than he's ever had and he never had that much control over the results because he was a player who always fit in somewhere. That temperament doesn't seem long for that job unless he does

some learning about patience. I would say that yes, he had a bad temper in college and then was very quickly humbled in the NBA by not being in the rotation and having to work his way. And he really mellowed over time. But now this is a different journey and there are going to be times where you are frustrated because like you said, there's a lack of control. At the end of the day as a coach, I can't play. They're the ones who are playing. So you kind of have to live and die with that the reality is the number one person

Who he needs in his corner is in his corner and as long as LeBron is like, yeah JJ's right Then he can say and do anything This is dangerous. I mean, don't you think like if this is not saying he can't change, right? But if this is the lane you choose, whether it be, let's start with sort of his approach to the media, right, you saw in that first clip where we weren't supposed to play, but it was helpful, where he was just, just the look he was giving

was, I'm angry, and he's probably angry at his players, but I'm angry at you, right? The result of that, the storm off, him using curse words, him telling people, like, he could have taken a different lane, like, I remember the first game He did I was I he didn't know how to tie his own tie like I helped him tie his tie It was a door. Wow wow

Yeah, we're going all the way back to 2006 no no no no this whenever he started his broadcast Oh broadcast career the first game he did as a broadcaster so after his entire You know NBA entire, you know, NBA career, after, you know, probably got dressed in suits a bunch of times, didn't really know how to tie a tie, tied his tie for him, thought it was cute, whatever. Wow, how about that? That's not, he's clearly taking the, hey, I'm just gonna be an a-hole lane, and even

when you're talking about with the media, like, it serves a purpose to sort of warm yourself up to the media. Like they're, they're currently taking a defensive stance against you because you're setting that tone versus if you were to just sort of warm up to them and be like, hey, I'm likable, whatever, those people who say negative things, they're a little crazy, they're a little off the wall,

I'm not gonna deal with them, but you guys, you're cool. You get protected that way. You gotta do some winning first before you can adopt that personality. The reality though is you know, I think JJ already kind of had a less than Elevated opinion of the media covering basketball if you listen to him on the podcast where he talks about oh, you know

Like they don't cover basketball like this with listen mom first take kind of disparaging He does not respect most the grand majority of basketball coverage. He thinks he's ignorant, empty, and doesn't know nearly as much as he does. Well, I don't think it's ignorant, empty, doesn't know as much. And he's not wrong. And he's not wrong. He's not wrong, but also a level of you guys are focused

on the wrong things. You guys aren't focused on the actual real basketball stuff, much like when we talked about Durant yesterday, he would have hated our conversation because the conversation was all centered about how he feels as opposed to how he plays. JJ Reddick would like about two or 1% of everything being produced by NBA media in all of its forms.

I don't wanna put a number on it, but yes, there's a lot of it he does not respect, but that question right there, that ain't it. That's him being frustrated because this thing started and I was getting my ass kicked, kissed, and carried on a pagoda, and now reality is sinking in, and now we're asking the questions that make me feel uncomfortable,

because I'm realizing, oh, it's not as easy as I thought. And you mentioned LeBron James, and he's protected by LeBron, because as long as LeBron's okay with it, how long is LeBron gonna be around? Like, does JJ Reddick's coaching career is going to last longer than LeBron James and he's protected by LeBron because as long as LeBron's okay with it, how long is LeBron gonna be around? Like, does JJ Redick's coaching career is going to last longer than LeBron's career, is it not? You fool.

You think JJ Redick is gonna coach longer than LeBron James? What is he, Larry Brown? What is that word you used? I don't know how you spell it. Pagoda, Pagoda, how do you spell that word? P-A-G-O-D-A. Something you'd carry Cleopatra around in?

Yeah, they carry carried royalty and stuff when they carried him to the town square. That is a sign of Izzy aging right there. That's a Kornheiser special joke right there. It's not just that it was Abe Vagoda. I'm not even sure who it is or if I said it right. It was Barney Miller. You did say it right.

But just that joke is what Kornheiser does now. Anytime he hears anyone's name and he's been doing it for 20 years, it's how you age. It's how one- So I can do PTI now. Yes, it's how one ages. We gotta get to Maximum Asshole, and I love that Chris Whittingham pops into the Zoom

as I say that. But before we get to Max Asshole, let's do Against the Spread please. Alright everybody it's time for Against the Spread. It's sponsored by DraftKings. Stay tuned because you're hear more about DraftKings and all it has to offer throughout the show. DraftKings, the crown is yours. I am going to start with Penguins and Capitals.

Alexander Oveskin has a five game goal scoring streak and the favorites have won the last 13 games that the Penguins have been involved in. And also, I don't like the Penguins. The Capitals are favored in this game by a goal and a half. Go with them today against the Sprats. The Panthers won 6-2 last night. Can you explain to me what's happening with Winnipeg, please? Am I to fear Winnipeg? Why does Winnipeg never lose? Well, it was the same thing as last year and they got upset in the first round. So, might happen again, might not. It was 12 and one last year is how they started? Yeah, they came into the playoffs

as pretty much world beaters. But they ended up losing, so don't worry about them for right now. Tony? The Jets going to the NFL. A lot of juicy lines in this week's offering and slate of the NFL, but I'm gonna stick with one that maybe-

Sounds like he's choosing that line. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It sounds like you're filibustering and pausing. No, not filibustering. And you weren't ready for the segment as we're in a contract here sponsored segment. Oh, trust me, I am beyond ready. Ah, the depth.

Because I've got my game. The issue was- Well, you sound like you're filibustering. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's just we're stretching because there's so much- I don't need stretch. I wanna get to Max Assholes. Oh, okay, okay. Buffalo Bills minus three and a half against the the Colts Joe Flacco. I think that Josh Allen's playing special right now

They're gonna get things settle with Amari Cooper that offense is good The Colts kind of average getting three and a half at home and we take the bills minus three and a half That line feels suspicious. What's happening with that line? That's what I told you. There's a lot of juicy lines I could have gone I could have gone Minnesota Vikings minus seven What is the money know that I don't know? The bills are at home and they're only a three and a half? No, Colts are at home. Colts are at home getting three and a half.

All right. The juice is loose. Thank you. Should I leave? Do you want me to leave for this? You tell me the best way to do this. We've got Chris Whittingham is here and I'm setting up a bit that I don't have confidence in,

but at the very least, I do have confidence in your ability to be a maximum asshole and I do have confidence in Chris ability to be a maximum asshole, and I do have confidence in Chris Whittingham's ability to be a play-by-play man. So, let me tell you right now for the listening audience, Chris Whittingham looks like he came to call a game. This isn't him in his pajamas with his oven clock. He's been waiting for several, several months now

for this call to come where he can do fake Georgia Tech play-by-play To to summon Amin's maximum asshole so Amin you go to the green room Whittingham what has been explained to you as we get a mean set up here because We're doing this on the fly, and I don't know if you have enough information Well, I've got sort of the gist of this idea that you do want to do kind of a maximum asshole style bit and you want to make a meme feel good, presumably going into the University of Miami game, but I have some lines of play-by-play in front of me and I know that we're trying to make a meme feel good, but it's sort of an incomplete picture I have.

Okay, so are you going to build the ad lib around what it is that your play-by-play is? Because I don't want you to have to stick to a script, but we're also, all we're trying to do is because you're a maximum asshole as a broadcaster and he's a maximum asshole as a fan, we're just trying to give Max a maximum asshole moment. And so, we think that his fandom,

his ignorant fandom that knows precious, precious little about Georgia Tech will be on display on Saturday in an aggressive, peacocking fashion if he's able to out loud Miami fans. I'm getting the feeling just based off of looking at the names in front of me, that I will be introducing a meme to Georgia Tech players over the course of the next five minutes.

Yes, he doesn't know what, that's right. There's no chance he knows the names of any of these people. No, he does not. He knows Haynes King and he thought he was black just based on his name. And he is not black, he is white, he is their quarterback. He knows nothing, but he wants to be able to say, you suck, Miami.

He's living the most blissful sports life where he gets to root for his team, doesn't actually care. And if he wins, it's a gold mine. He is, it is the safest space for a sportsman. And if he loses, it was expected to happen anyway, so who cares? That's right, that's right. Ignorance is bliss. It is, it is, it's wonderful.

Okay, so Amin is in position. Does his microphone work? Is everything in order? All right, we're gonna close out this segment. Go ahead and give, let's do this for as long as we can before we run out of time. Give him some play-by-play there, Whittingham. All right, here we go.

First drive of the game here for the number one offense in the nation, leading at both yards per game and in points per game under quarterback and Heisman candidate Cam Ward. Make noise, guys, come on oh, oh, here we go. Okay, where we at? Ward out of the gun on first and 10. Ward scanning the field, looking towards Xavier Restrepo.

He's hit from behind, the ball is out, the ball is out. Romero Height, this trip sack, and the recovery for Height. Did you lose that? Romero Height, he leads the Yellow Jackets with two and a half sacks, and he's got the ball for the Yellow Jackets. Mike, I think you dropped something. Is this yours?

Nope, it's mine now. It's mine now. Let's go, Jackets. What an asshole. Excellent, all right, let's keep going. Where we at? Hey, does someone turn on the transistor radio so I can know what yard line we are?

Are we in their territory? Hold on a second, I mean back off. Okay. Third down and 12 here from the Miami 47. Once again, trailing in the first half, down 14-nothing in this second quarter. Ward, dropping back to pass. He rolls to his right, he fires it deep downfield,

and there's Restrepo, his first chunk play of the game. And you don't wanna let this offense get rolling. 36 and there's Restrepo, his first chunk play of the game. And you don't want to let this offense get rolling. 36 yard gain for Restrepo. It's the Canes in the red zone. We're going from right to left on your radio dial. Congratulations. Oh, so you guys know how to play this game. Oh yeah, you're supposed to throw it to your team.

Oh, well, very well done, Michael. You guys must be very proud of your boys. All right, we need moments for, we well done, Michael. You guys must be very proud of your boys. We need moments for, we need the other moments. He doesn't need to be reacting to Miami doing well. We need more asshole. No, no, no, my- But Dan, it sets up fourth and three

from the Georgia Tech seven. And the Canes have settled for a field goal. 25 seconds left. This could be a 27 yard chip chip shot for Boric Allis. The snap is good. The hold is good. But it's blocked. It's blocked, and it's recovered by Kyle Efford.

Amin has no idea who that is. And here goes Efford. He's at the 50. Kama Kormic is on his horse trying to catch him. But he will not. It's 20 to 7 yellow jackets What a swing for Georgia Tech Take it to the house take it to the house

Sorry, did I use your music? Oh pardon me? Guess what it's ours now Arnold Schwarzenegger I I never want to leave the air Going I don't even want college football Saturday. I want to Him Georgia Tech's got the ball to start the second half on a great drive already in Cane's territory after 33 yards on the ground from Jamal Haynes

I'm introducing Amin to these people first and 10 from the Canes 47 handoff to Haynes Haynes powering through tacklers but the ball is out it's recovered by Miami and this is the last thing you want to see if your head coach Brent Key who Amin definitely doesn't know has to be mistake free football if you're gonna beat this Hurricanes team and that one might come back to bite them. Scoreboard. Oh, what are we talking about? Wittingham, close this out, do the last play of the game.

We're out of time. What's the score? Give us the entire, hold on, Amin, we're gonna get the whole situation here, we're gonna get our punctuation. What do we have, Wittingham? It's the end of the game. So here we are after the Miami timeout. The game is tied at 28.

137 to go. Georgia Tech ball, third and eight to go. A first down and they can set up the game winning field goal. Haynes King goes back to pass and here comes the pressure. But King breaks contain. He's out to his left. He evades the tackle. He's now moving to his right,

he's looking for anyone downfield, he'll try and take it himself, and he does it, he goes in for the score, it's touchdown Georgia Tech, down goes Miami. Hey, good game, Mike, good game, really. You guys tried hard, I really respect you as a competitor. No, no, for real, you guys are really good. Like, I think you guys still have a chance,

it's only one loss, it's not a big deal. Yeah, that's how you end it guys You got to end it nice and subtle and polite and sportsman-like after you talked all the shit the whole game long when you win The game he turns it. Hey good game You guys try to you got a good game you got a good team. I like your quarterback. He's good Ladies and gentlemen that was 17% of Max asshole Howdy folks, it's Mike, it's football season, it's November, the leaves are turning colors and the pads are poppin'. From defending your favorite team after a bad loss, to obsessively checking your fantasy lineup, football fandom is bigger than just Sundays. Miller Lite knows the passion that comes with rooting for your team, like the debate that

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