The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Big Suey: Mazel Tov in Havana (feat. Dave Dameshek and Jonathan Zaslow)

Episode Date: January 9, 2026

"Cuidado y tu." It's time to explain the different representations of the Cuban community through the eyes of Tony and Jeremy, and Dave and Zas are desperate to figure out where they can slot in. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Big Suey, presented by Draft Kings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Levitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it.

And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar. This episode of the Dan Lebitard show is presented by Draft Kings. Draft Kings, the crown is yours. I cannot remember the last time I was as scared around sports. It had to have been heat-related. It had to have been at the beginning of whatever that was. But as scared as I was when the voice for college football, Chris Fowler for Generation on video games,

just barks. And Miami has completely unraveled. Like the ice that blew through me where I'm like, no, how did I care like this? That now it's late hits and their entire secondary is out of the game. And at the end of the game, they did not know what they're doing. They had to burn a timeout because they had so many secondary players. One of them gets ejected, and so they're stuck with a whole bunch of guys. They're stuck with a whole bunch of guys.

They're stuck with a whole bunch of guys in the secondary who shouldn't even be out there, and they're out there for the last five minutes. They were the receivers that were there trips to that side. They were like switching sides. So like one receiver would go to the other side like that shell game. And then all of a sudden the DPs are looking at each other like, am I going to do? You're going there. Lane Kiffin's assistance put together in a couple of days.

Like as soon as Miami's backup secondary got in the game, all of a sudden, oh, look, they can't be stopped. Hey, how about cover the tight end? The guy was on the corner around. These 300 pounds, you can't see him? He's massive. The guy's just running naked out there. Catching balls, catching the touch. Wasn't anybody who had the 50 yards?

They were playing with it. Secondary. There was never supposed to be in that position. Who's got the tight end? I don't know. The fourth time he's caught in a pass. So, Chris, there's a lot of specifics around the game that I want to get into. And I also understand that it's a giant football weekend.

We've got five straight days of football playoffs that started last night with that and a huge bunch of interesting things this weekend. But I've also got Zaz here. And I don't know whether Damacek wants to talk about the Miami game or whether he wants to talk about the NFL. But I'd like to take Zaslo and Damashak and see if we can make both of them more Cuban, to have them be more Cuban representatives. We need Mendoza to win tonight. Like I don't know that I've ever rooted for a team outside of us. I don't care about anything here but storyline. Please give me the Cuban Super Bowl. Please give me the ability to explain to people

the difference between Jeremy and Tony and why Tony might not respect Jeremy and the arts. What? Well, I don't think, Tony, we have a real chance to teach America about what kind of Cuban you are and what kind of Cuban. Zazzo can

probably try to explain to people Christobal is. We can pass Zazlo for a Cuban uncle, for sure. Like that had... Come on. As long as he doesn't say anything, we got it. I know three guys that look like Zazzo right now. So are Brickabodies? Exactly right.

With the bald head, respectfully, with the bald head, with the look, big a head. But if we put a cigar on that guy with a one o'allera and a little gorita, this guy is locked. And we can take him to Cajillo and just pretend he's mudo. Yo, shout out to Jesse. No, don't talk. My uncle, he can't speak. Tony, we got a chance with your dad to explain to people what Cristobal is. We do have a chance because it's the same family of stuff.

and I'm guessing your dad, who can kick my ass. Your dad, yeah. Respectfully, yeah. So we're just punting on getting Cristobal this week. No, no. I can get him. I can get them. Yeah, I believe that.

If we pitch, hey, I can get him. I would argue that this could get him. Last hour and a half, not helping our case. Well, I know Zaz could get him. You know how I know? Because he got him. Zazlo, what do I do from a creative standpoint? Do I go to Damashek in the NFL or do I go, do I stay with the university?

of Miami because this kind of story comes around for a week one time every 20 years. I mean, are you kidding me? We stay with the hurricanes. That shit last night was awesome. Are you crazy? We keep talking about the hurricanes here. I was watching the game last night. I watched it in a bar here. I'm at the peach ball, of course. I watch it at a bar here. And by the way, I'm not going to repeat the hotel that I'm at because I was getting calls in the middle of the night. Of course. You're an idiot. I mean, of course you're an idiot. Like, why would you do that? That was obnoxious. Man of the people, that's why. Yeah, and the light is still

blinking on the phone here in the hotel. I haven't even listened to the messages, all right? But that was poor form. Poor form on my part. All right. As a bit, though, you need to record all the voicemails and then play them for us. Of course. That's, look, that, no, we must. We must. Okay. You,

what you did yesterday while, no, yes, while dumb, while extraordinarily dumb, daring our audience to find you, while giving them the hotel and thinking you're lame pseudonym would ex-svade. We got Pablo Tori finds out fans. Come on,

Zaz. Pick up your game. Wait, where is this? How'd they get my alias? Damashek, what would you advise us? Because I've told people, Football America is a great show, and I'm positive, that whatever enthusiasm you have for this weekend, Damashek didn't have enough time. Probably could have made an episode seven times

as long, just an interesting storylines. What should I do here, Damashek? Because I think I should stay with the University of Miami, too. Well, you got the U. I'm very excited for all of you, muzzle tuff, as they say in Havana. And there are the NFL playoffs. Perhaps the wild card round perhaps is the greatest weekend in sports if the divisional round of the NFL playoffs. Is it? Option C. We could talk about the red hot Pittsburgh penguins six straight. Look out. The Wales Conference finals is coming. Florida Panthers. Pittsburgh Penguins. Revenge, finally for 1996 what happened. Listen, I think, Dan, what you're wishing for?

I don't know if I understand the wisdom behind it. I understand it from a content from a narrative standpoint, and I can scream it as an Indiana Hoosiers fan. Bamos Los Orecanez, but Fernando also. I think this

is going to be a spiritual nightmare for you if it happens, right? Well, I just want Tony... I want to plan this player. I want Tony to have the avenue to explain through Zaz and others what this representative of Cuban Miami is and the differences between you guys understand we're headed for Cristobal wandering into this game with a club in his hand being I will chew to death anybody

who's in my face get off of me Jason Taylor don't hug me I'm going to kill that Mendoza kid and all of the weakness that our generation spawned I mean you kind of nailed it there it is right there no but Mendoza doesn't know shit about winning football at this level I was fighting Cortez Kennedy at the knees. Does Fernandoman knows who know who Cortez Kennedy is? He's a big hardo and all that is Crystal Ball. It's good and fun stuff. I just think that, you know, everybody is seeing the Incredibles, right?

I know Zaz has with his little ones. And, you know, the bad guy, the bad kids. Wait, wait, wait, Zaz. Have you seen the Tollhead kid? Hold on, Dave. Zaz, have you seen The Incredibles? You know I have a big movie guy. No, you're not a big movie guy.

That's why I had to stop Dave Damage in the middle of his speech. And you're stopping everyone on. turns today. If justice were served, that would have won the Oscar for Best Picture in the year it was released. It's dynamite stuff. Either way, the bad guy in it says, when everyone is super, no one is. And as far as that goes, Miami residents who love football and love the U and are Cuban and want to root for Fernando Mendoza are not allowed. I am laying it down right now. You choose one or the other. When everyone is super, no one is. You do not win in either. situation. Put your marker

down here and now. Are you with the U or are you with Fernando? Choose. Everyone is Cuban. No one is. That's what he's saying. Basically, yeah, I guess so. Let's go out to... You know what it is? You know what it is? I can't believe.

The U.V2. The U.V2. I mean, can you explain to me what it is that you just reacted to right there? is UV2 do you that yeah you get it yeah no the way that you fell out of your chair because damashak yamering endlessly doesn't see that i'm trying to throw it to jeremy and just has to get one more ill-timed it was a good joke it was a good joke yes a good joke but he needs to give me the space to throw the thing out to jeremy so he can be taught how to be cuban instead what he ends up doing is he ends up going for the joke and trampling me.

So let's go out to Jeremy right now. Because Damashic, this is a... Delicate feelings already. The game's not till Monday night, Dan. It's going to be a long wait for you if you're this stressed out already. It's because you made him choose, Damashek. He doesn't want to choose. Eat too.

Go ahead, Dan. Eat you. Jeremy, what are you doing out there and what do we need to learn about what you're doing out there? So, Dan, I've created a Venn diagram here, as we Cubans love to do. explaining the different types of Cubans. So over here on one side, you have folks like Mario Cristobal, Alex Mirabal, Tony, Pippo, Poppy, Lewis.

That's one type of Cuban, one type of Cuban representation. Then over here, Dan, it's Fernando Mendoza. It's you. Yeah. And it's me and my brother who are over here. This is also where every Cuban who actually goes to the University of Miami would go. And these are the Cubans

who don't go to the University of Miami. But what you have in the middle, I don't like the way he said that. Are the people who can play both shides. Jorge Sedano would be over here. But George Hollywood Sedano, he's over here with me and you. Mike Ryan, when he talks about NASCAR, over here with me and you. But when he's talking to you on football,

Mike Ruiz. Over on this side. Yeah. And Marco Rubio, I mean, you know, that guy plays both sides. Happy New Year, everybody. 2026 is already getting off to an incredible start because you want to know how I rang in the new year. It was with a bunch of friends in a Dallas hotel lobby bar ordering a bunch of Miller Lights because that's how you do it.

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Don Lebatard. It sounds to me like everybody could use a hug because a hug is always the right size. Stugats. All I have put in my body today is three cups of coffee and an entire cup of honey. Don't let him fool you. He said in the break that he's jittery. This is the Dan Lebatar show. With his two guards. When is Mike Ryan going to appear on the show? People want to hear from Mike Ryan, and I didn't know where we were with locating Mike Ryan.

He's in the air right now. He took off from Phoenix at 9 a.m. our time, so it doesn't really work out. So my guess is that he's as happy as he's ever been after a sporting event, because this is the only team that he's financially and emotionally invested in this way. And for the people who actually remember the best parts of what Christopal remembers about the University of Miami campus itself. The community of people around that school, even with people who don't go to that school, who spend on that school are the people who keep it afloat on that corner of Coral Gables

and develop real community there. Like Mike Ryan's family life is embedded in the fabric of trying to make that school matter, and he helped make them better over the last five years because he's in the business of helping make them better. I think it's an interesting point, too, is like, Miami's. school is FIU, right? Like by volume of sheer people that go to the school. University of Miami is a very small school, private institution, costs a lot of money to go. You have to have really good grades to go, right? And the push, the love that people have that didn't even go to the school,

shows you how much a connection point it is for the community. Because what other school around the country is like, oh yeah, it's a small school this big and everybody loves it that lives in the city? USC. I was just about to say that. Yeah, USC is one of them in Los Angeles. And for many of the same reasons, right? Because a school is a symbol for its community. But what I'm telling you about what's, thank you for pointing out that part of it, because it's another reason that Mario Cristopal and my father and whatever it is that raised them, it has a Cuban stereotype caricature.

We all recognize the man. They're all very similar. They were animals about ambition and nothing else mattered. Nothing. It's Sedano learned at that name. just a whole bunch of people. Poor hair, George. See, that's a good question. He went Hollywood. And I'm guessing, no, but he'd

connect with Cristobola a hell of a lot better than I would because he's been on a show. He's better at faking it. He's more Cuban than I am. No, Sedano is more Cuban than I am. But he also knows how to like, all right, where am I right now? Who do you need me to be here? It's a skill. We're drinking green juice now? Okay, I'll be George's. You're saying that George is a

chameleon? I said it's a compliment, like, oh, like wherever I'm at, I can be what you need me to be. How do we teach Damashek and Zazlo to be more Cuban? Is Jeremy doing this? Was that helpful, Jeremy? Did you guys find Jeremy helpful, Damashak? Oh, C, C. I don't know yet about Damashek.

I don't know if what he's doing. I'm on to him, though. I like it. I'm on to him, though. You could totally pass for Cuban. Right there just with C.C. These are very limited. I was passable for you, huh?

No. Cueido, Dan. And cooiedado. Zazlo, do you understand what Jeremy's saying there? I do. I'd like to know, like, what was the strategic move of where he placed me outside the bubble? Well, you're just trying to get in. I mean, you're sitting right here. And once you do, you would be here.

You have to earn your way over to this side if you're trying to get toward the Tony type of Cuban. But what Damashchek brought up, like the people who say Mazel Tov and Little Havana, that's my grandparents. My grandparents were born and raised in actual Havana, Cuba. Also Jews, Jubins. Warren Sapp always says that his classmates called him Saperstein. How did I get in? I see, I'm in the bubble right there.

Honorary Cuban. Yeah, Tony made sure that you were there. I bestow that upon me a couple times. How did Amin get in there? Because Tony wanted him there. Lots of pica deal. Okay, so you're just. No raises in my.

He loves. No raises in my. breakfast long. He loves the Kendall Flames. He's bestowed an honorary Cuban. Kind of like an honorary doctorate. We gave a mean, I talked to the congregation. We gave a mean honorary Cuban. Not only honorary Cuban, but on the good side.

On the Christofal side. Not on the artist's side. I think it's great from an outsider's perspective. Something I was not particularly steeped in, but now I am listening to you guys and experiencing all of you. The three-headed monster of Florida college football and the rise of the trio of teams at about the same time. I know that Florida State was maybe a tick ahead of the U and Florida's bounce back and all of that. I love listening to you guys talk about the rooting

interests and all of that. I don't think Football America at large is as tuned into it. And Zaz, I think what you express is exactly what, you know, obviously that exists regionally. I grew up in Pittsburgh. A lot of people go to Penn State and how you root Pitt v. Penn State. when it comes down to it, I've always said people, people ask me as a pit lover and IU grad, who would you root for in the final four between those two? And I've got an intellectual choice.

I have to be in the moment, and my heart and gut will tell me what the answer is to that. If the you and the Gators played in a big spot, you think you know you would go you over your alma mater? I would because, because again, like, best for business, you know, like I mean, I'm on business. What kind of talk is that? This guy's Cuban.

This guy started to get Cuban right there. No one is listening to Zaslo's show 2.0 to hear about the Florida Gators. They're listening to hear about Miami Hurricanes. So if the hurricanes are successful, Dave, that's best for business. Yeah, but what Dan's touching on is that that's the heart of it. I would go pit even over my alma mater because that because of the roots to go back to my old man. and going to the games with my old man and Pitt Stadium and all of that kind of stuff. That outstrips my half decade in Indiana University, where I didn't still love.

And all my house are at the peach bowl with you as we speak. Listen, Poppy, I hear what you're saying. Cuidado's ass, coirado, you too. I guess we know what side. Watch out and you? I slipped up. All right. Again, these are my two Cuban uncles.

They're both mute. They can't speak. This is so good, though, Tony. So there's a pig out back, okay? Yo, I'm calling it. Tony. Keep cooking, Dave. Let's put it in your backyard, okay?

I don't know if you did pigs out back or not. Of course. One of my favorite highlights was bringing Cornheiser's bus came through into a very small Cuban neighborhood to be in the backyard of one of those pig rows. The uncles who have had, who are 14 beers in, and they had too much to drink as they started at 11 a.m. and aren't saying anything. They're just standing there. They look like Zaz. Yeah.

100%. Like Zaz can pass. If we put Zaz again in an Hawaii Aveda and we put them on with like a little straw hat and a cigar with like loafers but with socks on, dude, that guy can stand by a hajina and not say a word and be completely in. Did you go to high school with Cuban kids? Were you playing basketball against Cuban kids?

Zazel? You do actual, you must have learned more about this than Stugats ever did. Yeah. I mean, yes, Stugats went to. high school in yeah like in New York right I went to high school at North Miami Beach Senior High of course that was my whole school yeah

absolutely can we make him Cuban Casuela is that what he said I have Juarez in the in the Zaslo mansion closet I have I think there's an update Jeremy he's updating his board out there yeah Zaslo's been moved into the the literal right side of things

right the middle of it yeah no I mean look we heard what he had to say if he's if he's all about business there he's been removed from the outside looking in. How about that? He's been moved to the proper side where he deserves to be. Does that mean Damashek is over there with you and Dan? I mean, I think Damishak's on the other side of the board at the moment,

but he'll get over there. He's working hard. What if I put the crosses on my face? I knew that Ole Miss had no shot in that game when I saw Carson Beck show up with the double crosses, making a plea to the big man upstairs if Chris the ball didn't do it enough. Now, listen, I saw Shambliss also before the big play. Imagine I find that a little disconcerting if I were the head coach.

If I were calling in the play, the whole season comes down to this one, and the QB has time and is lucid enough about his faith that he takes a beat to you and me, big guy. All right, let's run the plane. If not now, when, Damashek is the most important play of the game. I guess so. Yeah, Damashch is on our side. Maybe you do one before the game. Talk about playing both sides of it.

What about Jesus? I mean, everybody's making their big ploy to him, which what? Whose side was he on? I guess Miami is. Clearly the good guys. Right, I guess so. Put it on the poll is Jesus playing both sides. Way to go, Damashek. Way to go.

All right? Like, honestly, what I mean? He loves football. That's what's clear. They keep talking to him. They keep asking him for everything. What are you alleging? What are you alleging?

You allege that the analysis of that game, this young man who prays with his mother before game, that he would saddle up and say, all right, God, now we ride. Do you think that's presumptuous? or that's faithful? That's faithful. I don't know what game Jesus is playing, but you saw Sunday night football.

You saw Derek Henry, another guy. He has the big cross. He has got lamp blacks on the big cross, but that's not enough. He also wears a cute little nose ring cross as well, not enough to save the Baltimore Ravens and Tyler Loop making that kick. Why? Because Jesus blocked it. Why did he do that?

I don't know. He worked in mysterious ways, but he did. Did clearly. No. All right. Put it on. That was quite the gusts. Quite the gust to win there on that kick.

Did Loup Salute the Big Man upstairs? I didn't see it. Did he? All right. Put it on the poll. His predecessor did a lot. Oh, boy. A lot.

He wouldn't have missed that one. Put it on the poll. Put it on the poll. Did Jesus Christ block Loops field goal to deny Derek Henry the playoffs? Was it Jesus Christ blocked? Chris, you're going to. going to keep doing the blowing. You're making him Superman.

Quite a gust. So you're making, so you're making, you're making Jesus have the breadth of Superman. Jesus, according to Chris is blowing it. In my mind, Jesus is running out there and just like swatting it like that old Stuart Scott commercial. With sandals on. Like an angel's in the outfield, Christopher Lloyd.

No, not like literally on the field, like affecting the ball. No, I think about it like. Like a hacky sack with the baseball. Scott and a sports center commercial where he's playing with the little kids. And then he just. swats into the fifth row. Like, that's like Jesus doing that. He's like sprinting.

He's got the robe. He's got sandals on. And then here comes a ball. Get that shit out of here. Robe and sandals. Yeah. So you have him dominating athletics in sandals. And then he does like the LeBron stomp.

How good would he be? You know what? Instead of Adam Schaefter and everybody else who just pretends to know stuff in advance, why don't we get Jesus on a pregame? Oh, my God. He'd be the best. Jesus. Oh, he'd be terrific.

I could get a his suit on the Cuban pregame show. You can make that Twitter accounts. On the pregame. On the pregame shows, they all wear cocktail hour attire. And so he'd fit in beautifully with his stylish mood. It's a great idea. Jesus on the side with me and Dan, Jesus on the side with Tony. I do believe that we should absolutely be making the content of Jesus Christ color commentator.

And just seeing how it is that that character breaks down. He'd also say Mazel Tov and Havana. All right. So the issue that I have here, Damashek. And I can do a show for seven hours today, okay, because all of this is, well, it's just crack. It's just crack. Football right now, the playoffs have started. Look, man, the University of Miami played Old Miss in a game that mattered and felt like olden times as minor league football now leads us into major league football, five days of playoffs.

You're going to get ransacked by important football over the next five days. and everything that was happening yesterday felt kind of professional except for how Miami was playing. Well, the other thing that kind of undermines it all, and I don't mean to steal from your excitement sincerely. I think it's great. I think the fan bases that are the most euphoric and the ones that I saw it, if you're a Cleveland Browns fan or a Detroit Lions or whatever and you've never gotten over the hump, that's a certain sort of angst. I think where you are, Dan, I've always associated you from a great distance from the U documentary. you are sort of one of the faces of that program during its rise and all of that.

And the long wait out in the desert to return to being relevant is as sweet as it gets. I had a guy on my show, my old pal who's a 49ers fan. And I always say, well, you're one of the halves. What are you complaining about the 49ers? You don't get to do that. He said, do you know if you're 40 or younger and a Niners fan? It's the greatest pain of all. We hear the stories, but we have no visceral attachment to any of those things.

to see it return to come all the way back around. I completely get it. I know why you're over the moon about it, Dan. I think it's great stuff. But that being said, it's a little undermined by the fact that Ole Miss's coaching staff may or may not have shown up for the game. This is the greatest tournament ever. Like, I don't know, Oregon's entire backup secondary transfer midweek.

So I don't know if the incident. By the actual participants. If we're going to actually talk Zaslow, because you're at the Peach Bowl and because we're doing these imperfect measurement systems to determine champions. Like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Jesus isn't perfect? Excuse me. Oh, boy.

Put that on the headline. Dan Levitard. Jesus, not perfect. Put it on the poll. Don Lebertard. Is it a judge coach, sweetie. Stugats. I should go say hello.

This is the Dan Lebatar show with a stugats. Who's going to be the character around here that plays Jesus Christ as the sports? Do you realize how funny that would be? Well, there's only one Jew in the room, so. Sitting next to Gronk? as Jesus Christ having takes on the breakdowns of football. The University of Miami playing that football game last night, you're hearkening back to a time where the college stuff felt professional.

Everything that's happened here with Lane Kiffin, I'd actually like both of you to break this down for me in a sports way. Yes, Damashek, you first. Explain this part to me, okay? If we're going to spend so much time talking about Lane Kiffin, his genius, how important he is, his play calling, and everything else. And if that game is going to be decided so that if pass interference had been called or gets called today, you wouldn't be surprised if Mississippi advanced because past interference was called. If we're going to make Lane Kiffin a guy who's worth that much money,

doesn't stand a reason for that everyone listening to this would understand that if Lane Kiffin was coaching that game, he would give you a advantage that would represent the result that is the difference between winning and losing when the game is that close. Like, what is Lane Kiffin worth if we can't say flatly he would have won that game? Because whatever the advantages were that he had, he would be able to win by one score because he's the great Lane Kiffin. You'll Pienzo. No, I'm sorry. I think that you're absolutely right. and that's sort of the Shakespearean tragedy of it.

Much like his predecessor running down the Baton Rouge because he thought he couldn't win the big one at South Bend, and then Marcus Freeman got the Irish much closer to winning a national championship than Brian Kelly did. Lane Kiffin Bales right on the eve of that team maybe winning the national championship. I completely agree with you. He had to be absolutely sick.

I think that's a fun question. What was Lane Kiffin really rooting for them? I don't think it's good. I don't think it's good if they win that without him, right? That's a great question. It's a great question. It's like Stapansky's biggest win with the Browns is, and you can say, well, they went into Pittsburgh and beat the Steelers in a playoff game.

I mean, whoever thought that was possible as a Cleveland Brown fan, except people sometimes forget Stafansky had COVID and was literally in his Cleveland basement when that went on. Lane Kiffin watching this one, it's even worse. What's the answer to that? Saz, what do you think the answer to both of the? those questions is. I think Lane Kiffin was the big winner last night. Like, who cares about Lane getting the bonuses, which LSU was going to pay, by the way.

Every time Ole Miss wins, LSU pays Lane Kiffin money, who cares about the bonuses? Lane Kiffin now gets to say, yeah, like, they couldn't win without me. I don't think he was rooting for them at all this postseason. So they couldn't win without him. It was a close game. And if they wind up winning a close game without him, then it's like, hey, why did we pay this guy, all of this money to come over here. So I think Lane comes out smelling like roses

after last night's game and he gets to take with him to us you now, hey, they couldn't do it without me. That's why I'm here. There's no way you're going to. Ah, the NFL news, it never stops. The new GM in South Florida, dolphins are finalizing a deal to hire Packers VP of player personnel John Eric Sullivan as their general manager of sources,

according to Adam Schaefter. What happened to the $50 million? To John Harbaugh. That's the GM. I still could do that. Still could do that. Yeah, sure. Okay.

I'm not going to. May I say, who canceled that you guys are falling all over yourselves for John Harbaugh? I understand he had a real good run and a lengthy one in Baltimore. But are you paying attention to the fine print here? The idea I get also, I get also that you're coming off of a very severe person of the clever offensive coordinator. And so now you have to swing hard back in the other direction. You want a foreman, a great overseer of all things, football operations, not really an X's and O's guy.

But man, oh man, I really think if the assumption is not just from the teams falling all over themselves to get John Harbaugh, he thinks he's going to walk into, say, Cleveland or Miami and get the same results that he had nice and stable and loaded up. in terms of talent, Baltimore. I think both sides have another thing coming. And you know who agrees with me? This guy. There he is.

The man, the myth of legend himself. Did you see what that was, Dan? He's a man in a myth. Was that Jesus and a pencil? I don't know what that was. I don't know what was that. You know what I found him. We went to the amusement park around the holidays, as Jews do.

And I found this guy sitting on a bench. Me and Jean-Claude van Damashik were just sitting there. having some fries or whatever. And we're like, look at this. It's Jesus Christ. But he's a toy. He's a man. He's a myth.

He's a legend. And now he's a toy. Zaslow, the Lane Kiffin question, though, if we were to try and do it empirically, what's he worth that we could say now, LSU, that LSU just cost Mississippi the championship if you believe a coach is worth anything? Because with a bunch, we've got to. a bunch of guys doing half a job. They almost took out Miami when Miami was clearly better in every way.

In one of the flukiest results you will have ever seen because Miami almost coughed up a game to a bunch of coaches who were working part-time. That almost happened last night. That was, that I'm still expecting. Carson Beck to be sacked, turn it over, and interception so that I could be doing the show. Why are you throwing in that circumstance? Yeah, that's the point right there is Ole Miss got dominated. And they were still in the lead late in the fourth quarter.

Like, and they wind up losing. Lane gets to walk away and say, yeah, that's why you hired me. You see how much I'm worth over there? Like we, we were so good over there that even when we play bad, we're in the game. You don't think we would have won if I was still the coach? Are you kidding me? That's why I'm here now. No, Lane's a huge winner, man.

Not Joy's as relief for Lane, right? Yeah, yeah. Oh, thank the toy named Jesus that they didn't win. that game without me because now it can play i mean it ruins my debut in baton rouge yeah so yeah totally yeah because if you had it as joy i would ask you you calling him a liar when he tweets out amazing effort and grit o' miss football best season ever in the history of o miss heart emoji love guys and then a heartbreak jiff which is kind of weird he also tweeted that it was past interference at the end offensive pass interference i'm just don't give me till the end of the day this is going to get

called. I believe there's a chance that while we're on the air today, there's a ruling from some conference somewhere and they're going to bring out that wet sock from the NCAA again. He's going to say, you know what, it was past interference. He was totally holding the Canes Defender's arm down. He was hooking his arm.

That's correct. They let it all go at the end because somebody could ship. Look, I've seen people shiv other people. At the end of that game, whether it's 30 yards out or 50 yards out, you're allowed to do whatever the hell you want. Everybody's jumping up for the ball and it's just chaos. We're not going to call interference. Otherwise, every play in that sport would just be to throw the ball 50 yards and see if you could get past interference.

That's right. And I mean, they really are. I mean, the bottom line is Dan is right. He's trying to take the lesser of two evils with this. It is PI. But what are you going to do? Are you going to start throwing that flag in big spots at the end of it? But Damashik, look, the part that's funny to me about this is the team that was poorly coached doesn't have Lane Kiffin. 18 seconds left. They could have won. that football game. That was an eternity by the way. No, but if I told you that that happened, any coaches anywhere, how did you let them get down the field in 18 seconds? What kind of incompetent are you? How much better would Lane Kiffin had made their 18 second offense than they're throwing into the end zone at the end of the game because Chris Fowler is yelling and Miami has completely unraveled. By the way, I love Chris Fowler. I love Chris Fowler. But on the, on the past interference, I was blatantly a face mask. He's like, I don't know if they had enough to call a penalty

there and I was like, Chris, what? What do you? What? You play tennis down here. Give you a break. Respectfully. What are you doing? I love you, but come on. He's on the side of me and Dan. How did they take back that targeting call, by the way? That was also BS. All right. They were holding Bain all night, Dan. Both targeting. Well, Bain was quiet. We were holding him. Of course it was quiet. They had to run his neck. There weren't enough woman for me to make fun of. Oh, I got what Eamien was trying to do there. Okay. No, now is not the time for fear. If you...

All right. Grab the coffee. Let me have to do that in the much. Let my boy cook. Damashek, I like your bane in the coffee cup, so I would like you to address this this way, please, because I have a criticism for you, okay? Oh. And so I'd just like you to defend yourself if you can. As bane.

I don't know why it is that you're so flippant, liberal, and elite that you think it's okay to come on here and blasts. fame again and again with this toy Jesus Christ of yours, like just alienating a group of people as you mock Christ our Savior. Because Fernando is my QB, and he clearly has a close relationship with Jesus. And so I think that he can get me off if I get charged with a spiritual misdemeanor. I want to give all the glory to God. You have a toy Jesus just around your apartment so that you can mock the people who worship Jesus? I told you the tale. We found him sitting on the bench. It was a sign. It was right before Christmas. Change your ways, Dave.

And so I brought him home. I stole Jesus. Was that wrong? I found him sitting on the bench. So somebody must have left him behind. Maybe Jesus wanted me to find him, but more likely a child left this behind, which begs the question, what kind of family sends their kids to the park and the kids are playing? Here, play with Jesus.

What do you play? How do you play? What do you do? Like, when you're a little kid, like, ah, I'm. recreating this biblical scene or what do you like what was this kid doing and then Jesus of all the ones to get left behind it's Jesus Christ I don't know how I'm supposed to take it you do the adventures of Jesus and as a Jesus and his best friend spider man and Optimus Prime they all go and they have they fight in a war against the decepticons or whatever and that's that's what you do and except

Thanos v Jesus who wins that one I mean you got to go Jesus man uh we does he have the infinity gaunt we have produced an AI video of Cuban Theo Zazlo at the barbecue. If he does not speak, round of face. And we want to put this up for inspection. That's good AI. Yeah. So we have all seen that guy.

We've all had beers on a Saturday and a Sunday watching football. Good likeness. Let's make it clear. That's not AI. That's the crack Photoshop work of our team. That's not AI? I like it. Damashik, before we get out of here, there are 50 seconds left.

and that's not enough time for you to break down the NFL playoffs. No. Okay, but this is the chance I'm going to give you here, okay? At the start of the next segment and the start of the next hour, okay, because I do want people to listen to Football America because it's a very good show. I want for you to give me as quick as you can the five most interesting things headed into this round of playoffs here. And if people want more coverage and enthusiasm and inspiration,

I know you love football and you're a lunatic about it. So we will send people to your podcast. But start the next segment with the five best things this weekend and make it quick, okay? Don't be the yammering knob that can't be stopped. Make it quick, all right? Keep in mind that for all the advanced analytics hand-wringing about the sample sizes are too small in the postseason, you can't judge a quarterback based on whether or not he wins in January. Yes, I can.

I'm up against the clock. That's how history is going to hammered. I said make it quick. You better do this well. Everybody cannot win. Coming up next. Somebody's getting one.