The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Big Suey: The Dumbest Thing We Do In Sports

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

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Proximo, Cuervo.com, please drink responsibly. queervo. Welcome to the big suey presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan LeBattard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there.

That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar. This episode is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Oh, who? Hell yeah.

Didn't know who it was gonna be. It's always like. It's mine. It's his. It's yours, actually. I don't think there's anything dumber in sports that we do than get excited about schedule release. Oh my goodness.

That's what happened. You know like a little game of wins and losses? Oh, I love wins. Dolphins, six and two start, tough end of the season. Okay, so first of all. Real quick, just Roy just crumbled your entire argument. Because there's nothing dumber than patriotism before the game, but let's go.

Yeah, that's right. Can I pin you down on that for a second? So where is the line on patriotism for you in sports? Do you think it's dumb when you welcome back a troop and you cheer for them? No, that's great. You've got a group of people together. Hey, this guy happens to be here.

Look what he did for us. Congratulations. I like the thank you for your service. If you've served, stand up, we're all gonna applaud you. I don't like when they single them out and they bring them out to the middle of the court, like, all right, hold on. Don't you think it's like a veteran guy

from like World War II is like 103 years old and he's kind of there in like, like, all right, hold on. Really? It's like a veteran guy from World War II is like 103 years old and he's kinda there in a wheelchair, doesn't know what's going on. Panthers do that every game. And you're like, ah. Every single game. Cause also it's performative. Like Dominique Foxworth's paintings of himself behind him.

Performative by who? By the team. You don't think they appreciate the service of the? No. I think they're trying to wrap themselves in the flag. Again, it's the chair, damn it. This chair makes you talk like Dan! It's going crazy.

Me and all the people, like the other season ticket holders that are like my high five buddies at Panthers games, we have a competition, because the way it works at Panthers games, somewhere in the first or second period, the video starts where you know it's all right, we're doing the thank you to service. So it's this guy, it's his story, I did this,

I fought here, it's a cool video. And the the thank you to service. So it's this guy, it's his story. I did this, I fought here. It's a cool video. And the game is you have to be the first person to stand up after the video. Start clapping? So it's just like, you don't wanna be midway through the video, so it's that perfect timing of like you can tell,

because we've been watching so many Panthers games, you can tell when they're crescendoing and getting to the end of the video. So it's always a race in our section to stand up and clap as fast as possible. Are you like towards, as it's starting to wrap, are you elbows bent? Well, no, then you give it away.

Then everyone else, the other people, all my high five buddies, they see I'm getting ready. But they all know. Sometimes I'll even be like, oh, I'm checking my phone. And then I'm up real fast. If I do arms on the seat, ready to go, then it cues everyone that I'm ready to jump up. See, I had it like the Inside the NBA guys at halftime.

That is kind of what it's like. It's like the Kenny race. Do you know the names of your high five buddies? And are they the same every season? Like, do you have the same season tickets or like every year you have a new set of high five buddies? No, for three years now, there's John and his wife next to me, there's Kyle to my right,

there's Alex to my left, there's this family. I don't know their names. The family is the dad, the brother and sister, and then they always have a fourth person. Do you ever do the move where you're just like, you pretend like you have a hand on your drink and then just- Right, yeah, sometimes I'll reach down

like I'm going, because my section, it's the part of the section that they push back for concerts. So my section doesn't have cup holders. It's like the one bad thing. I have like, I have what I would argue is the best seat in the house. You got a discount for those seats No, but it's just my my cup my beer my drinks always between my legs dangerous game. They sell it on Amazon

It's like your own cup holder it clamps onto the armrest really yeah, you can get that so what's this Amazon? Who gives the best hand is it John is it Kyle? Great hand it's? Is it Kyle? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Kyle gets great hand. It's fisting. Me and Kyle, me and Kyle will like, we high five and then there's usually like a chest bump. It is, it gets aggressive. We like Kyle the best.

So the schedule release, right? While dumb, I do appreciate that the teams have started to find ways to make it fun. I saw the Bills one where Josh Allen. I love, you were gonna say it's overrated. I was gonna say it's actually given us an avenue, a freeway to creativity for some teams. For other teams, it was like, all right,

let's mail this thing in. So the Bills one, let me describe the Bills one. It's Josh Allen, he's shooting jumpers, and then the GM calls him, and he's like, well, he's shooting jumpers on a hoop. He's like, what's going on? Like, hey, we gotta do the schedule release video. And he's like, why don't you just have AI do it? And the GM's like, well, he's shooting jumpers on a hoop. He's like, what's going on? Like, hey, we got to do the schedule release video. And he's like, why don't you just have AI do it?

And the GM's like, AI is a guy. And Josh Allen's shooting hoops in the studio. Already a weird start. And he just says, look, everyone's using AI these days to make these kind of things. You don't have to sit around and think about it. Just have AI do it. And he hangs up the phone.

And the GM's like, huh, AI. I mean, OK. And he pulls it up and finds it. AI, thanks for doing this. And Alan Iverson's like, I mean, okay. And he pulls it up and finds it, hey, thanks for doing this. And Allen Iverson's like, why am I here? See, it's a nice. Well, it's funny because, I mean, how many people have thought of the AI joke

and a way to do it, and it's just like, but they're gonna do it in Buffalo for the football schedule release, and it's gonna work. It's gonna work. I mean, it was perfect because Iverson, in his role, was like, what am I doing here? He has no idea what's happening. So, but Tony, not every team's schedule release

is created equally, right? Buffalo's was great. Buffalo's was great, Atlanta's was really good. There was another one that was a Minecraft and I think it was the Chargers or it was the Colts. I don't remember, one of the two. No, it wasn't the Colts. It wasn't the Colts.

Oh, it wasn't the Colts. It was the Chargers, okay. Oh no, what was I gonna say? It was the one where Tyree Kill was getting arrested? Was that the Colts? I don't remember one of the two was wasn't the Colts wasn't the Colts. Oh, it was the Chargers Okay, I know what's gonna say was the one where Tyree kill was getting arrested. Was that the Colts? That was okay That's what I was trying to bring up. Yeah, so they had Tyree yeah, it was the Colts. Yeah Yeah, you're right. It's a cult. Okay Atlanta had a great one of like Mario Kart and they kind of had made fun of Bill Belichick there's one that stood out more than any of them for good and bad. So I'm gonna give you the bad first I'm gonna give you the good second. So the bad, the dolphins was so terrible. Really?

What did they do? It's just Zach Thomas talking over the video. Talking like, I know this hasn't been a good run. What? But we're going to come back. And we're going to be all right. But it's like dolphins swimming underwater. And then like a beam of light, like light the beam,

it comes out of the ocean and then goes over to hard rock. And then it goes like an know An explosion I was like Thomas well, that's ahead to write it Zach Thomas that that's like that's like intro video stuff I literally like they just show in the arena in the stadium That's not that's not the vibe that DC was given number two I never ever in any I don't care if we won one game. I never want our official thing to be I know things have been tough Like no, you never acknowledge it man. You're not supposed to say it out loud. We all know it's been tough We know we have eyes we've seen it. Well, the best one was the Tennessee Titans

So they took a play off of sky Rizzi, which is like some like medicine I know what it is. I Rizzi if you're allergic to sky Rizzi. Yeah, my favorite part of that ad So the Titans came up take Sky Rizzi if you're allergic to Sky Rizzi. My favorite part of that ad. So the Titans came up with Schedule Rizzi. Oh, wow. Is this a video, or is it just a? This is just a still. I've been told we can't run the video because of other situations. But it's Sackaprosan XR.

So what happened? They showed this. They were like, oh, do you have an itch for the schedule release? And the other guy's like, yeah, yeah, use Schedule Rizzi. So it was actually funny and creative and stuff, but I was just so floored by how bad the Dolphins one was, where it could have been so good. We have such a beautiful landscape

to take video and make video and do all this stuff. And it was like, I want to see if Kent Lou, let me, you know, I'm going to produce. I love the idea of them having like their pitch meeting for the Titans. And they're like, one guy's just like, all right, schedule Rizzi. This is my crazy idea. He's're like one guy's just like all right schedule Rizzi This is my crazy idea. He's like all right They're never gonna say yes to this one. It looks like the Chargers did Minecraft not the Colts

No, the Colts did the one Multiple teams did multiple teams because I think the jet said we had a Minecraft one loaded up And then we had to do something different and you have two two minecraft videos, you know, that's too many Why is there no one has ideas because exactly the problem is that the the minecraft thing over the You think there was somebody in the Dolphins pitch room who has like listen guys. I've got this crazy idea Schedule Rizzi. Okay, and they're like no Give me Like damn it's you guys you see yours was so terrible

I'm gonna put a little a little video here for you guys. Oh Okay, they just straight-up stole light the beam Boring did the Dolphins pitch meeting have to be For like like the one that they're like, guys, beer. I'm with Izzy on this one, 100%. There was a guy in there that said, guys, I know this is gonna sound crazy, what if we like a pharmaceutical commercial,

like Sky Rizzi. Jodding him. Shut up! We'll have random people dancing and having a good time as they might come back that they have this really bad disease. You nerd, like they just kick you out of the room and stuff. And then, just ignore it, just ignore it.

The Dolphins should have done, remember the Titans a couple years ago had the funny one where it was people on Broadway, like the logo, and it was like, they're playing the mean birds for the Eagles. They should have done that with like people walking out of like 11 at like 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning. That would have been cool.

Like just hammered people in Miami. Like, oh, Dolphins Week, well, they play the Patriots. Oh, man, that's f***ing Brady. You know, just like stupid stuff. Maybe the Titans are just better at this than everybody because they're the ones that set the standard with that one on Broadway in Nashville and now they're the ones that just did Schedule Rizzy.

So whoever is coming up with their campaigns is clearly the best at this, right? Do you guys think that they used Zach Thomas' voice because of Jason Taylor chanting J-E-T-S Jets when his son was drafted by the Jets? Like, do you think that we now have burned the Jason Taylor bridge? Get Joy Taylor on the line, let's ask.

I didn't even see that clip he did the Yeah, yeah, yeah, and and joy was in the video doing Lots of bridges were burned when Mason got drafted by the Jets you even though Tristan Taylor played for the draft Exactly he was in the enemies uniform there are special instructions going on with what I'm supposed to be ignoring I just think that's keeping going on and there's nothing what special instructions going on with what I'm supposed to be ignoring? Just keep it going. And there's nothing. What special instructions? This is a major Boy Who Cried Wolf situation with this building where it's going to burn down one day and we're going to be like, ah, you know, emergency. Cause like they'll do like a very quick, like someone come on like, by the way, fire alarm and then like the fire alarm will be going on for four straight hours after that.

And if you weren't there for like the 30 seconds, like oh please, this is a task. If you miss that, like there's just panic within the entire building, because again, this is gonna be going on all day long now. And what are we testing? Guys, Elsa, Elsa, ring ring. Hey, your fire alarms work.

We test them every single day. We're good, no more testing necessary. Hello, Mr. Elser? Yeah, it works, okay? We've done it. This has to be the only studio in America that has a fire alarm in it, and you set it off every single day.

It's working, okay? Enough testing, goodbye Mr. Elser. Just call him Elser. Or Mrs. Elser, or Miss Elser. It's just Elser, Mr. Elser was my father. Yeah, sorry. Sorry to the Elsters. It's just Elser, Mr. Elser was my father. Yeah, sorry. Sorry to the Elsters. When the fire does come, Chris,

you're gonna jump out the window backward. You. Have you found it yet or no? I have, the internet's working for me right now. The internet's working. It's not finding anything. Tony, you, Jeremy, Izzy, and I consume a lot of NBA playoff basketball, right?

We're watching, we're locked in on these games. Do you guys have the same experience I have where it feels like there are only four ads? Oh my God. There's the Chet Holmgren, Jaylen Williams, Shake It with the Alexander one. Terrible. The one last year was terrible.

This one might be even worse. Did they just do the thing of, hey, it might've been bad last year, but it pops, so we're gonna get the same group back together. Well, they added one. They added one. Jaylen Williams wasn't in of, hey, it might have been bad last year, but it popped, so we're going to get the same group back together. Well, they added one. They added one. Jalen Williams wasn't in it last year. He might not be in it next year.

Which Jalen Williams? The one who was a fraudulent all-star according to A.Z. 18% last game. The second ad is the Will Ferrell. Oh, you can pay your own way. I feel like I've seen that more than any other one. It's a lot. Number three is the Villanova throwing the cap

to Dante DiVincenzo. Number four, which is thank god they switched it. For a long time, it was the Jalen Green Wingstop commercial. They finally switched it. Now it's back to the, oh, you never let the nap down. That stupid ass song What's the other one? Don't forget about the Grizzlies

Oh my goodness That one is just too much It's the same five or six commercials over and over again How much money are they sinking in? And is no one else paying? And also the Bateman one which was funny at first Now I'm like alright We get it.

Another villain I thought who I ended up liking. Who? Jake from Safeform. Oh. Ha ha ha. I think that guy's got to be a dick. We caught him at his most humblest moment. We did.

What, you guys met him? Oh my god. Did we? Have you heard the story? Did we? All-Star Weekend at Cleveland. It's snowing like crazy. Ubers are legit a two hour wait, right?

And so me and Tony seek refuge in an Irish bar, right? It's packed to the gills. Just drinking, right? And so we decided to come out and forage our way out of there to find a way home. And you know how like on the East Coast they'll have all these restaurants and places. There's like almost like a mudroom

that you enter first before you actually enter the restaurant. So in that little mudroom area, huddled like in a corner with his coat like wrapped around him with Jake from State Farm and all the- Teeth chattering. Teeth chattering and all these drunk people like, oh, Jake from State Farm! And you couldn't have been more miserable.

And we're just like, hey man, what's up? And't have been more miserable. And we're just like, hey, man, what's up? And he's like, yeah. And we kept it moving, man. Poor guy. So he was really nice. He was cold and nice. Like, we caught him at his most vulnerable moment. I can't believe he doesn't have, like, people.

That's what we said. That's what we said. On the other side, I can't believe he would have people. But I guess he would, right? So watch this. A year later, in Utah, I go out with Juju and we're getting into this club where the after party was, and I literally went downstairs to go get something,

and then I'm trying to go back up into the VIP area, and I literally just followed Jake from State Farm and he had an entourage. And we're just walking, I walked at the end and the security guy was like, and I was like, I just pointed and he's like, oh yeah, yeah, go ahead. Because in his mind, of course the guy from ESPN and those Jake from State Farm, they're boys. Why wouldn't they be rolling together?

You pretended to be part of Jake from State Farm's entourage? 100%. Was everybody wearing red polos? Cause if you could have just been wearing a red polo, it's perfect. I was thinking that when we were at F1, so like the way that our setup was at F1 is like, there's like the part that's on the field

with like the tents where like the celebrities like were hiding or whatever, until they'd go and walk and go to the paddocks. And like, you just see like this entourage of people walking through the crowd with security, and I told Coogler who I was with, I'm like, we should just walk in the next group of people and see how far they'll just kind of push us through.

Because Patrick Mahomes was there, and he was there with his wife, and he was there with a large group of people, and I'm like, if we just get on the tail end of this group, it's very possible we just get pushed through to the next area. Oh, it would never work for me either. Cause you'd be like, who the hell is this nerd?

Cause you guys, it's all about like just a look in your eye, right? If you're like this looking around, nah, it's a wrap. Man, I try that. Back when I was in high school, I think I might've told this story before, my best friend, Warren, and a couple of his friends

said they snuck into heat games, right? Cause you would get like this pass from school and they would just give you really cheap tickets for free. But they would go take that as backup tickets, but just walk through a door that just looked like you know what you're doing. And you sit wherever the hell you see empty seats. Pretty much.

And so I kept, he kept coming back with developed pictures. This was the 90s of like him with basketball players because he didn't just get into the game. He got into the locker room after the game and he's got pictures with Dan Majerle, with Charles Barkley, so I'm like, all right, I'm going, I gotta do this this time. And of course, I'm nervous about it,

I feel like the one who's giving everything away, right? So I'm like, head down, I'm always second to last in the group. Head down is rookie move. Well, not head totally down, but okay. Maybe that was my problem. You gotta go, you fist pump the security guard, yo, how's it going? Yeah, I mean, a bunch of high school kids

probably would've felt weird. That's why, we're talking about adult, I get it, you're a kid. I don't know how it worked, and so this game, we get in, and I'm just like, wow, look at that, I did it. And then we're sitting in row four for the entire game, and the entire game, I'm just like, wow, I'm gonna tell the story about how I snuck into a heat game,

it's gonna be the best part of it. They weren't done. They wanted to go into the locker room. So I'm just like, oh, god, so somehow, we all got onto the floor, and we're walking past the security guard into the hallway where the players were going, me and three other people.

This time, I was last in line. All first three guys get in, security guard turns around right before me is like hold up Where are you going? And I'm like damn it And then I have the option of either outing my friends or being like I don't know where I am So I went with I don't know where I am and I had to wait for them outside They come back two weeks later developed pictures of a bunch of Indiana Pacers Well, you guys have listened to oral history and you know that the origins of the show were

once just a dream for Dan and for Stu Gatsen. That dream turned into the show and now the business of MetalArk Media and the show that you're listening to today. But starting your own business is a dream that lots of us share. Too many of us let it remain just a dream. So don't hold yourself back thinking, what if I don't have the skills? What if I can't do it alone? Turn those what-ifs into why-nots with Shopify by your side.

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over a million households use Monarch. It was named the best budgeting app of 2025 by the Wall Street Journal. So it's not just me hyping up. It's legit. It's real, real deal Holyfield and get control of all of your finances with Monarch Money. Use code Dan at MonarchMoney.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at MonarchMoney.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at MonarchMoney.com with code Dan. Hey friends, it's Jarabare here, and I'm here to tell you all about Boost Mobile,

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The Boost Mobile network, together with our roaming partners, covers 99% of the US population. 5G speeds not available in all areas. Dan Lebatard. There is no question, Dan Lebatard show included. Anybody else that this guy is the best player on the planet. Whether he wins the Stanley Cup or the Cotsmite this year, there is no question about it. Stugats. Overrated, wait, Yeah, overrated.

What's going on? Dan Levatard, how you doing? Are we living in an altered world or what? Oh my goodness. This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats. Speaking of sneaking into places, which by the way, this is all for adults. If you're under the age of 21, don't try any of this stuff. Don't condone it. But if you're of age.

Although if you're under it, if you're not of age, you probably won't get punished as hard. So it's something to think about. Still don't do it though. No, but Izzy's right. If you're gonna commit like crazy crimes, do it as a minor. Yeah, man.

Hold on. Let's not do that at all. Within reason though. Hold on. If you're a kid. I'm not saying you should, but if you do. Maybe when you're younger. I'd like to introduce you to a history of black teens

being tried as adults. Well, not in every case. It seems like every case. I'm saying you shouldn't do it. You shouldn't, to America's butt. To America's butt. You're gonna get expunged. Very much to America's butt.

But the sneaking into NBA games and into restricted areas thing is actually topical. Because I don't know if you guys saw this, the Phoenix Suns got hit with another lawsuit. This is from a guy who was, he was a former employee, he was the director of safety, security and risk management. And he basically got, he's suing that he got retaliated against because he presented things like, hey, these are huge security breaches in the organization.

And one of the things was, apparently the Suns keep failing security audits. The league does this and also law enforcement does this, where they will have plain clothes officers try to sneak in the games with stuff just to see if they could and according to this story that came out on ESPN.com Plaincoast officers attempted to enter the arena using valid game tickets while concealing weapons. Two of

the officers were able to bring a knife into the arena undetected. Unbelievable. Goes on. On December 3rd, 2024 officers from the same department conducted another field test of security measures and successfully brought in two handguns and one knife through security. Now, I don't know if you've been to an NBA game recently. Everyone goes to the security arches. If you've got a backpack or anything like that,

it's gotta go to an X-ray machine. I'm always annoyed because every time I go to any NBA game, it's like, your AirPods, your phone. I literally empty all out my pockets, and then they're like, oh, this hotel key card made it go off, I'm like, how sensitive is this thing? Meanwhile, guys are walking in with guns and knives? How is that possible?

This is crazy, I can't believe that. Chrisley's game. Dindins. Wizard's game from back in the day. That's absolutely insane. And so he brought that up and then got retaliated against and now he's suing the Phoenix Suns. He says,

2023, Taylor's trailer, excuse me, submitted a presentation for management that outlines specific incidents including these three. Number one, March 2023, an unnamed former part-time employee was found to have stolen more than $40,000 in shoes, merchandise, and apparel during their employment. Oh, hell yeah.

In April 2023, a disgruntled subject interrupted a son's photo op with team executives, including team president Josh Bartelstein. And in June 2023, a political influencer harassed former Phoenix Mercury player Brittany Griner at the Dallas-Fort Worth airport, delaying a team flight by three and a half hours. Hold on, I wanna know about that one.

Yeah, that one to me seems like the most likely for a variety of reasons. Number one, it's not in your building, it's at the airport. Number two, the security detail that goes with the Mercury is not anywhere near the security detail that goes with the Phoenix Suns. Although you would think if Brittany Greiner

was on your squad, you might wanna up that up a little bit. Absolutely. As an organization. Number one and number two, you would think if Brittany Griner was on your squad, you might want to up that up. Absolutely. As an organization. Number one and number two, you would think at the airport, like nothing kind of gets by enough to like continue, right? I'm fascinated by the way these airport meltdown videos. TikTok knows what I want. I want to see them.

These people going crazy at the airport. I'm like, do you not know where you are? When has that ever worked? I don't know. Meltdown in an airport. If you're going to meltdown at an airport, I'm like, do you not know where you are? When has that ever worked? I don't know. I've melt down in an airport. If you're gonna melt down in an airport though, do it as a kid. Yes.

Now that, there you go. Also, by the way, I'd like to publicly apologize for saying that minors should commit crimes because they can get away with it. People are not thinking that that was very funny. You should have said that as a kid. Never commit any crimes. Legal crimes.

Follow all the rules. Follow the rules everywhere you go forever and ever, amen. By the way, I went on my five spirit flights in the last six days. Everything went off perfect. I'm here, I'm alive. My experience was great. I made friends with every person

that sat next to me on a flight. It was a blast. What about the one that sat in your lap? It's a spirit flight, that's a joke. I actually had open seats next to me on three different flights. Were there strap hangers? Yeah.

The middle seat was open. It was great. I really enjoyed it. I had a pleasant experience. I did have to squeeze everything into one tiny little handheld bag because I didn't want to pay extra to check a bag or bring an actual carry on.

But it was a great experience. I really enjoyed it. And your criticism was unfounded, you guys. Not wanting to hang out with the commoners. It's pretty founded. This is an elitist joke because you just can't, you can't kick it with the commoners. And I don't understand that.

It's 100% because I've never been on a Spirit Flight. I cannot relate. You should do it. Do it this weekend. Do it next weekend. Pick a flight, just go somewhere. Find a $35 flight and do it. Get that first row, big seat though. Oh yeah. I'm gonna find you a flight.

Have you guys ever seen like the concept, which I don't think happens anymore, could happen and I don't believe that it ever happened, where people are like, I'm just gonna go to the airport and I'm gonna pick a flight to go on. Unsurprisingly, that was something I wanted to do for years and years and years and years and I never did it.

The one time I went to the airport, I went and was looking for the cheapest flight and it was like, how's a $500 flight to Puerto Rico? And I was like, that's not what I was looking for. Yeah,, you're trying to show on like oh, where's the $18 flights like in 1930? Or whatever and it yeah, it's never good $500 flight to Puerto Rico out of nowhere called it a floating trash Don't kill Jeremy. Just for the record.

But if you're gonna be under... No, I'm just kidding. It's a hate crime if you kill Jeremy. But if you're gonna do it, do it as a minor. Yeah, Steve Martin. Double hate crime if you kill Jeremy. Something I didn't like about what Jeremy said about the spirit thing is he made friends with everybody sat next to you. You talk to people that sit next to you on the airplane. Yeah, I'll just turn. Hey, I'm Jeremy.

Give me a handshake. And I know... You introduce yourself. Oh, you must think... If you put your hand out and that's the first you on airplanes. Yeah, I'll just turn, hey, I'm Jeremy, give me a handshake. And I know you. You introduce yourself. Oh, you must think. If you put your hand out, and that's the first, like, no, no, just have, maybe small talk is fine. Don't be like, hey, I'm Jeremy. You put your hand out? That's wild.

Only if they've, if I can tell they are, want to engage, I know how to read a situation, okay? Please, please, walk us through you reading the situation, if you will. Hold on, I'm gonna sit next to you on a flight here All right, okay. We're all playing and Spirit source three five so let's see Okay, so It's the armrest all right

So Billy's in the middle seat let me paint the picture Billy's in the middle seat Tony's in the aisle because he got long legs Jeremy your window okay, and here we go Where's the aisle here? All right, so that's interesting's the aisle here? Here? No, no, I was with Tony. All right. So that's interesting. Normally the aisle. But all right. Let's switch.

You can be window just so that this is. No, I like the aisle. I don't want to be the window. Guys, this is your captain speaking. This is flight 227 to Miami. We'll be landing in about two and a half hours. Sit back and enjoy the flight. Hey, I'm Jeremy. God, I hope this plane goes down.

Headphones in and I'll enjoy the flight. This is your captain speaking. I actually got pretty hammered before this. I'm going to try and land this thing. Oh, my eyes closed. Close that down. So you actually reached your hand out there. Well, I did because I know Billy.

But in a real scenario, let's start again. Sorry. I killed the airplanes out here. No, it's my fault. I got to get back into character. Guys, we got to get it like this is how we're going to do it. All right, here we go. Three, two, one. Yes, this is your captain.

We'll be in the air about three and a half hours landing in Fort Lauderdale. This plane kind of sucks. About like a few 30, so. And then sit back and enjoy the flight. Before we take off, guys, are you willing to help in an emergency? You're sitting in the next row.

I need you to both, can you take your headphones off, please? I need you to hear me. Are you guys good to, in case of an emergency, help out? You good, Tony? You good Tony you need a verbal yes yeah sure sure thank you let me just put my bag up in the thing should have done that before you sat down this is why I'm normally in the aisle alright we gotta start over again sorry sorry sorry please do not throw your bag out the window thank you

in case of emergency this guy opened the emergency exit. All right. Ah! Let me start this again. Let me start this again. All right, I'm going to take my bag. I'm going to take my bag. Final decimation's all right.

This is your captain speaking. This is Spirit Flight 666 straight to. I don't like that. Start again. I thought I saw our bryos on this plane. Uh. Why are they already in the sky, though? The sky is behind them. I don't like that start again. I thought I saw our trials on this plane Why are they already in the sky though the sky is behind them? Yeah? Can we get like airport behind them or something? No the sound is good?

It's the visual why would why would it be behind them at any point? There's no windows schedule Rizzi. Don't worry about it Yes Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. This is Spirit Flight 254 to Fort Lauderdale. Flight time will be about three and a half hours. From Miami to Fort Lauderdale. What? Three and a half hours? Well, traffic is pretty bad. It's Miami, the worst traffic in the country according to Dan LeBattard. Anyway, sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.

Let me just put my bag underneath the seat here in front of me because I don't have any other room. You're narrating everything you do. This is an audio media theater of the mind. Here you go. Hey, how are you? Hey, Wilfred. Nice to meet you. Jeremy, nice to meet you. Where are you from? Topeka. Wow, Topeka. What are you doing here in Miami?

You know, just like catching flights. Talking to people. Really? Are you one of those people that'll just show up to an airport? And ask for the cheapest flight hell. Yeah, so that's how you ended up here on spirit Can I help you sir two gin and tonics please Can I see some ID No Have they ever ID'd anyone on the flight no, but the one in the aisle looks a little younger.

Folks, this is your captain speaking. He also looks like he might not be from here. What was your name, Jesse? Jeremy. Folks, this is your captain speaking. We're gonna go run through some turbulence here. I want everyone to make sure their seat belts are buckled and fastened.

Husband and wife. We're gonna suspend beverages. We got married about a year ago. You guys swing? Just sit back and relax. In the meantime. I don't. What do married about a year ago. You guys swing? Sit back and relax. In the meantime, I don't. What do you call a plane that flies backwards? A receding hairline.

I'm okay with upside down pineapple. I'm alright, but I do appreciate the offer. I'm flattered. Hey, you. End scene. Way to go everybody. Very good. Improv troop. Oh yeah.

I did make friends though. I really did. There was a single mother whose son's name is Awesome, which I thought was awesome. The son's name is Awesome with a capital A. And he plays Little League Baseball. And so it was great because I was telling them that I had just gone to Pensacola

and had gone to see the Blue Wahoos play. And I was telling them all about the stadium. And so she was going to take her son to a game. I was telling them that I had just gone to to Pensacola and had gone to see the Blue Wahoos play And I was telling them all about the stadium and so she was gonna take her son to a game I was just great. It was I'm gonna tell you right now That's the worst name you can give a kid that could better be incredible better be awesome better be awesome Right because if you're just merely good Man, they will tear you apart on that playground by the way careful Jeremy you're announcing you're talking to the single moms I think we all see right through that. I told my wife about Jeremy. You're announcing you're talking to the single moms. I think we all see right through that.

No, I told my wife about it. Oh, okay. So I wanna shout out, can I give a shout out on X to Kevin Brooks, who tweeted us, yes, Navy SEALs sometimes fall out of hell. He put at it, yes. Into the water, a technique called hello casting

or hello drops. But nobody can find video of this. It's Navy SEALs, right? They're very hard to track. Yeah, that's what, like, involved, often after a rubber boat. There's a boat there, and then there's also a helicopter. Like, it's when, like, it's a lot of times

when there's people doing it on the boat, a helicopter will come in, and there's people that are going there too. Hold on, are they jumping into the boat, into the water? They get down, like, there's like, they get down onto, like, the little bar, and they're sitting there they're talking their Thing and then once they're ready to go they fall back well since this thing has a name

It should be pretty easy to find right like video of that's true right or is it because it's Navy SEALs We don't exactly Navy SEALs like I just Then it's somewhere like Chris didn't actually see it happen in person he wasn't trading for the Navy SEALs no offense Kevin Brooks is from Austin, Texas, so he's probably run into a bunch of Israel Gutierrez's. Wow, can we get Kevin? He seems to be the perfect guest right now. I also made friends with my Uber driver, Ben.

He used to actually be the Pensacola Blue Wahoo's mascot, which was just so surprising to me that I happened to be bumping into this guy. He spent time as a mascot, but now he quit to work in children's television actually, which I thought was really sweet. They're starting a show for children's education. Is there anyone Jeremy won't be friendly with?

I was gonna say, none of these people actually think you're their friend. I became friends with Ingrid. She and her boyfriend are long distance right now. He's in Indianapolis. Once again, long distance boyfriend. Single mom, long distance, I mean, a little trend going on here.

And Ben. Let me just say right now, I've Googled, I've YouTubed, Hello Casting. They are jumping backwards in terms of like, they're back. They jump back. They're not falling back. They're not falling backwards. Guys, this isn't gonna stop until you just say

Chris was right. Yeah, the falling back thing might be on the boat. So we're on the same thing. Just tell him he's right so we can move on. The Tony thing, I think that's, I think I'm. Yeah, so James Brooks, or who was Brooks, what's the last name? Who added?

Kevin. Yes, Kevin Brooks. But yes. James L. Brooks. My point was really just lower helicopters falling into the water. That's really- That doesn't happen. It'd be funny if that tweet ends up-

I love how you're focusing on me. You dismissed that people jump out of helicopters. I asked, I said you got a lot of people jumping out of helicopters. No, no, that was not a question. That was a sarcasm. Billy, you have a lot of people. That's what that was, come on.

Hello casting, I don't wanna have this go on any longer than it's already gone on but hello casting doesn't seem like it's backwards Good try Kevin. I'm not gonna say Kevin's wrong. I mean Kevin. Thank you for your service again If you did not don't know he did I mean according to his Twitter okay 23 years Sounds like a great company name for a podcast. Oh dropping also This is a hello casting property Like right. Yeah, I don't go has to be yellow for some reason you're listening to hello casting Yeah, no light saber Just like a little yeah, that's great Cody saying hello

Irene from the hotel bars from Tony's saying, hello. Hello, Gaston. Irene from the hotel bar is from Mobile, Alabama, and her daughter had just recently graduated from Ole Miss. You're making this shit up now. She was really excited. You're just ending it. You're like in the mainstream.

You know the people, I mean, you know the friends I made at the hotel bar in New Orleans as well. Oh, that's right. There was a couple from Boston. That's right. And their daughter was graduating from Ole Miss as well, and they were meeting, and it was really amazing because they were from Boston, but they recently moved to Naples. Their daughter graduating from Ole Miss, well. And they were meeting and it was really amazing because they were from Boston,

but they recently moved to Naples. Their daughter graduating from Ole Miss. Obviously all of them meeting up in New Orleans for the graduation party. It was an amazing time. I wish I could call him bullshit for this, but he's absolutely right. I was there.

I saw like the remnants of that party leave the hotel bar. You know what I have no use for at a hotel? What's that mean? The concierge. Couldn't disagree more. I travel a lot, right? Over the last, man, now we're coming up 15 years of me traveling professionally,

whether it was working for a team and scouting and stuff or working in media and having to go to places. I've never, not once, not even like what time is it or where's the bathroom? I'm working that out. Never, not once, never, comma, not once use the Hotel Concierge. I try to befriend the Hotel Concierge

every single time I go to a hotel. Why? Do you just need friends? Like why do you need to talk to people and like befriend people everywhere you go? I don't know about you guys, right? But I don't have a lot of time for my- You seem to have a ton of time.

Just talk to everybody you run into. Hold on, I don't have a lot of time for you seem to have a ton of time. I like everybody run into hold on I don't have a lot of time for my lifelong childhood friendships to Spend time with the people that I like love and care about and who build me up and I don't know about your guys's experience Spending most of my time talking with all of you it's nice for me to speak to people who in are gonna respond kindly and for me to speak to people who are gonna respond kindly. And a concierge is literally paid to do so. So it's really nice to walk up and just have a nice little experience.

But my goal always is to break through the facade, to break through the fake kindness and get to some real kindness because I've bonded with them over something or I've charmed them into trying to help me out. So this experience for me really started when I took my now wife, my then girlfriend, to Atlanta for Valentine's Day when we were like,

I was like 20 years old and we were at the hotel and I had called in advance, I had called in advance because I knew nothing around the area, I had never been to Atlanta before and the concierge was like, I'm gonna help you guys out. And so I get to the hotel, and I told him I was gonna be there for Valentine's Day.

I get to the hotel, there's flowers all over the bed. I didn't even order them. There's flowers all over the bed. Yes, it's the concierge. And then the concierge, I walk down to the concierge later, I'm like, hey, I'm Jeremy. He's like, oh, I'm Trevor. I remember you.

I remember your phone call, because you were the nice guy that called and was so thankful for the recommendations I had. He got me a restaurant across the street, we got the private table in the corner overlooking the city, it was perfect. Why? Because I went out of my way to be nice. Put up the video of me being right! I am right! Thank you! Let's go. Hit it! Somebody falling back into the water. That's just somebody falling back from a helicopter. I'm pretty sure of how not to do that because you saw the lady who was watching was like, oh.

Completely misleading what you just said. That's not true. She's been training for months and she finally is doing it. We're seeing the crescendo of all her training. It looked like a fail video. I think you're right. That looks like a fail video. You guys aren't looking clearly.

All right, let's see it again. All right, hold on. He's gonna play it again here Lewis play that one again Send this to Dan right now do they have the shark repellent? You gotta spray him with the shark repellent There's a propeller. It's not worried about I can't even look at this Don't look now. Oh It's time for a new game Don't look now. Oh It's time for a new game Don't look now

I thought we retired this big Oh shit we're still on an airplane I'm gonna turn that off Don't look now Oh we're up in the sky This is your captain speaking I'm gonna hand it over to first officer Tony Hey everybody don't look now but

Chris has something to read Don't look now, but Chris has something to read And don't look now presented by smirnoff the world's number one vodka, please drink responsibly Dan was an asshole It's just my ears. I'm clawed my ears are clogged He's got a chewed gumming yeah, you got a I don't like that our co-pilots wearing a face mask Yeah, we're good. We're good. Everything's on autopilot Plus, you know what was almost on autopilot the bear season Caleb Williams was looking to get out so that before he even got Everything under their power to get out stop looking. Why are you looking? Sorry? Sorry, I don't know if you guys saw the schedule makers made some interesting choices on big games throughout the season Did you see one big game that was of note

where the schedule maker said, hey, we didn't know anything. We haven't seen anybody, haven't talked to anybody. I don't know what's going on. Steelers Packers on prime time with a certain somebody still out there possibly linked to the Steelers. Literally can't look.

So no, we have not seen it. One that I did see before we were told not to look. So that's the caveat there. What the hell the Dallas Cowboys doing playing on opening night? Isn't it supposed to be two playoff teams normally like that's just such not what's a Super Bowl champion and then play somebody else Yeah, it should have been the Washington commanders Talk about a profile game like you got the one quarterback who everybody wants to see and a team on the On the rise right instead of the Cowboys, but you don't know what you're gonna get like that was America's team though and not so much one more thing we

didn't even think we mentioned it on the show Derek Carr retired yeah we weren't looking so we're looking yeah saw so many good riddance from did you see them from Raiders well I heard of a lot of good riddance tweets from Raiders fans I I saw them in Braille, I felt them. And I was like, yeah, good riddance. Last one, Colts apologized to the Dolphins for Tyreek Hill. In his now deleted video of him getting sequestered by some sort of official. The thing that we praised them for earlier in this show.

I thought it was way worse than that. I wasn't looking, but I thought it was going to be way worse than him just being approached by a cop. Like, I thought it was going to be a joke about having too many kids. Also works.