The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Big Suey: Top of the Bottom

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

Dan's got stats from the NFL weekend, which includes just how truly bad the Bears are. Some amazing football things happened, including Kirk Cousins getting lit up on a pick-6. Jimmy Butler showed up to Miami Heat media day looking like Andre 3000 in the "Hey Ya" video. Full emo. Plus, Taylor Swift continues to take over the NFL world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. Welcome to the big suite! Presented by Giraffe King. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants,

just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries that if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys. I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, that face and the habitual liar. Football stugots to get to college as well. Professional football.

I don't like that college football. Prepetually gets swamped here by the time we get to Monday because of all the action on Sundays. But you have a number of things in professional football happening that are interesting. First of all, like we all had it before the season started, Tyrey kill Justin Jefferson and Pukka Nakuha are on pace to have more yards than Calvin Johnson and his single season yardage record. So three receivers are on pace to have more yards than anyone has ever had in a season. Jamar Chase is not one of them.

No. The the Bengals to gods. If you look at based on the stat success rate, which is a great stat, to God's just a name alone. Never mind the formula for it. Success rate for quarterbacks. You you are obligated to love that stat.

Am I here? Are your bottom quarterbacks in the league and their success rate this season? These are your bottom quarterbacks in the league and their success rate this season. These are the bottom ones to got starting from the top of the bottom. Okay. Top of the bottom. Derek Carr is the top of the bottom in terms of success rate. Yesterday field Yates pointed this out. Alvin Camara caught 13 passes yesterday out of the backfield. Do you want to guess for how many yards? 87. 33. What?

The previous low for 13 catches was 71. Do you know how pathetic your offense is? When you're throwing 13 times to Alvin Kamara and he's getting you 33 yards. I know. That's, yes you do know. I know. No one knows better.

Yes, no one knows better actually. Ritter is the second from the top of the bottom. Okay. Gardener Minshue, Jordan Love, Jalen Hertz is here. Huh? Bryce Young. And here's the bottom of the bottom. Joe Burrell, bottom of the bottom, Ryan Tanahill, bottom of the bottom. Zach Wilson, bottom of the bottom, but there is someone below Zach Wilson. Want to guess? Hmm, looking at you, Jessica. I don't want to talk about it. No, I don't want to listen to anything about the Steelers. It's not, they're not worth mentioning. What happened to the rich old lady drinking wine? Who's so hammered? She's been passed out for weeks. Actually, I think she'd

died of alcohol poisoning after the Raiders game. I'm kind of hoping it's Chesson Fields, just a corner. Yes. He's not in here. That is amazing. But that's the first half yesterday. Yeah. That game. It all changed with one move. Yeah. One head coach adjustment. Do you know what it was? Cutting the sleeves off. We have to get still of that to show people, but that, and none of those things to gots that I think was the biggest story of the weekend, because you've got some stats here. Brock Purdy completed 95.2% of his best. He's good. 20 of 21. These are, these are two stats that are a little bit crazy. The 49ers have gone 30 plus points in seven straight games

Last people did that greater show on turf one of the greatest offenses. We have ever seen Kurt Warner Marshall Falk Great to show on turf seven straight games of 30 or more the bears in the history of the sport The bears have now allowed 14 straight games of 25 or more points. No one's ever done that. It's the longest streak in the history of scoring and bad defense and losing football games to allow 25 points in 14 straight games. Do you know the last time the Bears won a game?

I don't either. It was so long ago. It was early in the 2022 season. It's been forever. They're a absolute dumpster fire. Their coach is probably going to get fired. It sounds like he's completely mismanaging everything from Justin Fields to the Chase Claypool potential trade that they want. What's happening there? What is that? Enough of it's so it's so bizarre so now they're saying that abber flus like totally mishandled this like first he said that claypool decided to stay home then he said that they asked him to stay home in the meantime if they want to trade him they probably shouldn't be

doing that it doesn't make any sense uh... and they traded a second-round picked again that's the part of the looks like someone who would be good at receiving a football successfully. His rookie season with the Steelers, he was very good. And then something went wrong. Also, the Steelers offense has been atrocious for three years. So I don't know. Well, pick its last.

I don't take the bear's, the benefit of the doubt on the bear's coaching staff or the Steelers offensive staff. Chase Claypool also is not blameless. Like he has, doesn't seem like he's handled any of it very well either, but it is a complete disaster. And the Bears have two top picks in next year's draft. They should not be allowed to draft those. They should have to give those away.

It is bad and it is sad. They might leave Chicago. I don't know what. What? There's a whole thing with Soldier Field. They might go to Arlington Heights. I don't know what happens's a whole thing with soldier field. They might go to Arlington Heights. I don't know what happens. The soldier field is an abomination to architecture and to God himself. It's sad and it's bad and everyone should feel bad. The stats are amazing really in terms of

Jake Cutler's their best statistical quarterback ever. And Justin Jefferson already has more receiving yards than any bears receiver has had for a career. And now this is the most dreadful version of them. They lose to Sean Payton who gave up 70 yesterday. They got a lead last week, a big lead. Yes. Thank you. They lost by 50 a week ago to the dolphins. But Sean Payton, when did he do this?

Why did he rip off his sleeves? What was the, what was the story behind that? Because they were down 28, 7, damn. Yeah. And it was time for a change. Yep. And sometimes you know, when the going gets tough, some people like to roll up their sleeves. Not shot and pain. He'll just cut the sleeves off. Yep. I have not yet gotten to what I believe is the story yesterday of all football stories. And I'm headed there, but one more. Who do you think had the single best feeling playing football

yesterday? Just one person you can only choose the feeling that that person had on Sunday of playing football in front of many, many people. If you can only choose one feeling for the day that you would like to know what that felt like. What would you choose? Because I have in a game played by an uninteresting game, played by a winless team. I have two guys running down the field

who I believe felt the best thing in a game they lost. They are still winless. The best thing felt by anyone in football yesterday. Really? It's a 99 yard pick six. That's the best feeling. Grabbing Kirk Cousins is past at the goal line and going. But I want you to go back and look at that video because right behind that guy, Stugat, his teammate number 29, I have no idea who this is. Not only makes up all the yardage behind him to steamroll Kurt Cousins who was trying to be Gamy Gritty guy.

Lined him up for like 50 yards. Just line Cousins up. Line Cousins up. But then after that also gratuitously. It's already in the end zone. There's no need for this. He took out number 17 for the Vikings too. Like just in the end zone. There's no need for this. He took out number 17 for the Vikings too like just in the end zone took him out with two blocks and and showed amazing speed

I want to talk to whoever this person is and ask him about that play because it looked like Sunshine and remember the Titans at the end getting blocks running down the sideline. Perfect cinematic theatrical blocks. No one ever gets that DJ read last night when he just sprinted past Patrick my homes. It must you must feel so free when you get to run that fast on a football field with no one touching you. That's what that's what it was. Six guy got it was beautiful.

But you're saying the guy who lined up Kirk cousins at a better time. I'm saying that that felt as good as a football player can feel the and he said, because because that guy is getting celebrated so much by his teammates today, just sprint to 100 yards with your teammate to take out their quarterback and their wide receiver, totally gratuitously, but legally in the end. They'd look like a movie shot the way that you would want to block people He was so happy that Kirk kept pursuing like he was like really he's gonna go through with this really I don't want him to see what he was gonna do to be honest

What Kirk was gonna do wanted to see him try to make the tackle My you thought college football produced a better hit this weekend Oh, no question a more a more I want this from my football movies hit. No question. Look, if you're on your phone right now, run an excerpt on Jaden Daniels hit, please. I can't, uh, oh, wait, no, someone paid me $50. Yeah, someone paid me $50. I'm going to go to Twitter right now.

You're the only person I know who says X. I actually didn't know what you were talking about for a second. I'm doing my best. I'm trying to call it what it's called. Those are rules in society that I try to adhere to. And they want me to call them by their name. Damit, it's X, but also Twitter. What do you call Robbie Chosen?

It's Robbie Chosen now. Yeah, it's Robbie Chosen. I'm not gonna call him Robbie Anderson. I'm doing my best here, folks. Day in and day out. So, watch this, Jaden Daniels hit please, because Jaden Daniels has had, he's kind of got that RG3 gene where he finds a way to get blown up in ways that defy logic. He gets blown up in ways like, it's great.

He looked like, if we put Jeremy Tasha in the backfield and we're like, all right, Jeremy, we're gonna run an off tackle with you, it would look exactly like that. It happens to Jaden Daniels quite a bit. No, wait, why are we picking on Jeremy? Any of us would look like that. I would not.

I wouldn't. It would look different. Okay. I'm bigger. I'm bigger guys. No, I'm not saying that I wouldn't also be totally obliterated. I probably die if I got that hit, but I just wouldn't go flying backwards because it's just harder to make someone my weight move with that.

You would, and it would be funnier because you're bigger. My spleen would come out of my butthole if I received that hit. Just spleen out the butt instantaneously, but I think I'd at least keep one foot on the ground. I think the funniest part of that it may be severed from my body, but a foot saying on the ground. Jaden Daniels is six three two hundred and five pounds. I mean, what are you guys talking about? I'm bigger than Jaden Daniels. Sorry. Regardless, whether it's 25 pounds or 50 pounds, I am bigger as well. But regardless, the way the football came out to Gats was, it is the textbook definition of coughing something up.

It's the way a watermelon seed would come flying out of a watermelon or a soda machine that wasn't working, would discharge a can that was working to, you a watermelon or a soda machine that wasn't working would discharge a can that was working to you know that a soda machine that was aggressive that doesn't just let things drop in became out of his mouth sort of sort of I mean the football he might as well have come out of his mouth from the way it was coughed up in the wrong direction totally backward doesn't matter if there's security guards or if it's our defenders Ole Miss was putting on some hits. He was gone while we got to enjoy Brian Kelly losing again. Yeah.

It's awesome. Hello, CU fans. Do not seem to be managing well. And to be fair, they have two losses in the month of September. That pretty much eliminates them from the playoff, although technically that's not how the playoff works, but a two last team has never made it in the four team system,

so they still have a tough, as team-ass schedule. Well, they're not that good. Their offense is pretty good. He's really good, you can do it. The defense has gotten so many points scored on them in the last six games. I still haven't gotten to the amazing football thing

that I want to get to. It's not even Derek Henry. I think Derek Henry is now thrown seven passes and either completed six or seven of them and four of them for touchdowns. Because no one is expecting anything other than cover your face. Here he comes. Oh my god, he's throwing the football now. Like everyone, it is such a great tactic to be terrified of him running India and then he just tosses the ball right over your head. be terrified of him running India and then he just tosses the ball right over your head. At Public Mobile, we do things differently. From our subscription phone plans to throwing a big sale right now when no one else is. Well, maybe they are, but who cares, our sale is better. And it's on right now, no waiting necessary. You have the latest phone. Now, take advantage of a great price on a 5G subscription phone plan

It's the perfect deal for anyone who could use some savings right now Subscribe today at public mobile.ca different is calling Don Lebertard Let's go Islanders Bump bump bump bump Two guts Let's go Islanders Bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump, Bump, Bump, Bump, Bump. This is the Don Limita Show with this Tugats.

We will get to Dan's most interesting thing from the football weekend in a moment, but we have video. It's just come across the wire and we need to get to it urgently. It appears the Jimmy Butler is following Aaron Rodgers' tradition of media day hijinks because last year he showed up with the dreads and media entities were forced to use that as the image all season long before they realized like Joe Cronin we're not going to give you this. Aaron Rodgers showed up as Nick Cage in Conair, correct? He famously always goes into media day with a mustache.

So you have to use that photo all season long. Jimmy Butler's taken this next level, first with the dreads, but this year, he's got a whole new look. This video comes in courtesy of the Miami Heat on Twitter, and you could see Jimmy Butler has gone email. He's got lip rings, he's got email hair. He is forcing this to be the photo when he was the end covers.

No, last year he was mad. I remember one of the stories that came out during the postseason as he was mad that they were using his video game picture instead of his media day picture. Eventually, no, the partners would not put him up there looking ridiculous but he's trying to make their jobs actively harder by showing up in a disguise so that they have to use when saying the heat play the nicks on uh... you know network television so that

they have to use only the photo from media day uh... they did it for like half a season but mike you see what what is, how would you just, that eyebrow rings he's got nose? Who's got hair like that, though? Who tonight will be the night that I will fall for you? Yeah.

It's, you're singing lead from my chemical romance right now. There's a heat media walking him into the room. And yes, that's gonna be funny visually. It's also gonna be funny to hear him make news today, looking like that, where, because if he has anything interesting to say on Lillard, it will have to be clipped and then used by him.

And he knows that. He needs to go out of his way to see how, he can immediately show people how ridiculous that he looks, because I don't know who else has hair like that Mike Myers I'm being told that this video the smile that Jimmy Butler gives is because He walks into this room in our own Chris Cody is laughing at him and this is a reaction to Chris Cody's laugh when he walks Because we have sound right here. That was the exclusive sound of Chris Cody's laugh.

One more time. One more time. Okay. Don't make me break character right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Please make news. Rip somebody, just rip somebody. I want to get to God. I don't know if you saw this, but I've always thought since he was at the University of Miami that David and Jokou is somebody who should be dominating

at the tight end position. I don't think I've seen many athletes physically look the way that he does at that position, even understanding that the evolution of that position is all giant guys with athletic skill sets, but in Cleveland, this person has physically since he's been at the University of Miami, been a men among men. And he also was somebody who did a good deal of partying. And I'm a little bit surprised, honestly, that he hasn't flamed out with how much fun he was having. Word choice, holy, word choice.

I'm just, I'm surprised that he hasn't got that he's still playing. Now, I mean, just that the, the partying hasn't caught up to him. Okay. But yesterday, when I read the story that came out before the Browns lost at home, the story was that he had been burned, face, and arms, and was questionable for the game because the helmet hurt to wear. So that's some real scarring that is raw, and I don't know the nature of the accident. It was described as a kitchen accident, but the entrance to the stadium that this physical body had wearing a mask, he's wearing a fur and he is otherwise shirtless and you can see what he sculpted out of. But the mask is both menacing and cool.

It's got no place to breathe from. It's just eyes. He looks a bit like a villainous superhero. Nobody made a better entrance into a stadium yesterday. That's really making something. That's an adjustment. That's really making something out of nothing. When you've got scars all over you and you can't run around because the helmet

hurts. It was him or Taylor Swift. Yeah, my God. You see her people that you came in with? I lost the word that I was going to pull. Dead pull. No. You shut up with Ryan Reynolds, you shut up with Wolverine.

Lots of people there with Taylor, huh? It's becoming a bit of a distraction if if I'm gonna be honest with you. Oh, here comes the men of the media establishment. The women are distracting Travis Kelsey. Oh, it's Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo all over again. I gotta be honest, I told Billy earlier, I enjoy it. I think Taylor Swift is making football better and more entertaining.

My wife was into the game last night, my daughters were into the game last night, not because of the jets, not because of the chiefs, because of Taylor Swift. And I love walking around my living room. I talk to Taylor because she thinks every game is a walk in the park. It's easy. Travis will score two or three touchdowns every game. Not so fast, my friend. I was wagging my finger at her. I was like, Taylor, not every week in the NFL was as easy as last week Travis is not gonna catch a touchdown for you every single week I think Taylor Swift at your game make your game feel like a really big game. I'd rather have her there than job item

How about that It's a recycled take you got it on God bless football It's a recycled take. You got it on God bless football. Yeah, yeah. If you want exclusive takes that are not yet recycled, although you may have stolen from whatever the morning show is, I'm just wearing it. What a strange comparison.

Why? Like another pop star, I think, like, well, like, because what happened was, is he was saying it's the biggest person I was there. I'm like, is this like what it used to feel like when the president was at your game and then it became, I'd rather her there than Joe Biden. So we skipped kind of like the end between,

and we just kind of got a to Z there without the connecting the dots. This is unsports- I want to explain to people, if you want the unspooled Stugat's first thing in the morning with his freshest material on a Monday morning. God bless football.

What do you, Lucy, what is that? Is it his freshest material? I mean, it's the first time he's at a microphone. He's, well, the jokes get refined. Billy, what Billy gets, what it takes seven, okay, actually they get good. What it takes 17 minutes to get to is him stumbling into and I'd rather have Taylor Swift at my game

than Joe Biden, which everyone would agree with. I think that's like pretty universal. Really? She's a celebrity, he's a politician. Bill is getting tired of her. I mean, I like pretty universal. Really? She's a celebrity. He's a politician. Oh, Bill is getting tired of her. I mean, I don't know why he's getting tired because you're giving him 17 minutes to get to that as the punch line. And then you're recycling it here and everyone's having the proper reaction, which is no no one was in. I mean, you know, when I did it this morning, Billy was in. Lucy was in. Fwentus was in on the take. No one was really in, I was going somewhere,

I had nowhere else to go, I ran out of steam. Today, there is nothing more important for whatever the reason is in our superficial place than fame. Famous the thing, that's why everyone, everywhere I walk, someone's taking pictures of themselves. They want to be on social media being famous. And this is the most famous person.

And now we get to gossip and be high schoolers and she's dating the star tight end. They're not dating. There was no chemistry yesterday whatsoever. We can do that if you guys want to. Or it's a publicity stunt because Travis Kelsey is now on every commercial. Travis Kelsey's management team, whatever it is done,

has gotten a tight end. More fame. Gronks out here wandering onto the CBS Morning Show with Jimmy Johnson and the new star here for the new championship team. Fox fine. Yeah, I'm sorry, my bad. What was that Fox?

He was on the Fox by bad. Jimmy Johnson's only been there for 30 years. Oh, my bad, I meant Gronk. Matt Ryan is on CBS, which makes sense. Maddie I see. Yeah. But Travis Kelsey has replaced Gronk. and drunk that right is what on cbs which makes sense that he is right but travis calcie is replaced drunk he's got all the stuff drunk has and wants to

be famous replace Patrick my homes it's not going to end well for him and joe biden thank you finally well this is and and people want to talk about it like it really does seem that people like to clock and gossip about this now i think you could put on the board days without talking about Taylor Swift to replace uh... Don't!

I'm not gonna say it, but you can... They look good. They're a really good game. Brazilian. Almost came back. Tough love worked on Carmoney McLean. Can Taylor just go and enjoy life and just watch a football game without being hassled by everybody trying to take pictures of everything she does?

Is that too much to ask? Because like, it was very apparent that there was a camera that was just on her the entire game. It's not that they were looking for her. That camera was on her the entire game because one time they accidentally went to it after an interception that it was on there like an eighth of a second. And it's like, and then it was gone. I was like, wait, what did I, like, am I imagining things? Is this subliminal messaging? Like, what's going?

We get it? Taylor has a movie coming out. We're gonna see her headed into the commercial for her own movie, then we're gonna see the commercial for her movie. Like, we get it, right? But they went to her by accident at one point last night, just because they were going to her so often, and then quickly corrected it.

I like to pretend that the NBC truck had some sort of, like, internal power struggle where they couldn't decide how much they wanted to show Taylor Swift. And so the director was like, take, Taylor camera, ready, take. And then some guy came and tackled him and they put it back on the NFL game. They're like too much Taylor and they were fighting the whole time over it. But we're also doing this one, Stugat. And this is rarefied air.

This is the stuff A-rod was seeking when, when dating Madonna, the photographs of, of Kelsey leaving her apartment for the first time, and the general scandal of people being able to... Whoa, whoa, whoa, where do I find those photos? I didn't see that. Being able, the reports of him spending the night there for the first time, and in general, people being able to look in the sky box and do this one Stugot, their relationship is moving too fast. It's moving too fast, slow down with the hugging of all the friends and the moms

and they're like, slow down Taylor, you're headed for a heartbreak. Everybody slow down, it's moving too fast. And enough at Donna Kelsey. I mean, I know. No, no, no. I've been two games one day, she ain't gonna stay far. I mean, that she knows the kids city. Not Dan enough of her.

I mean, seriously, capitalizing on all this, on her son. I'm seriously. The integrated insurance company add by putting him next to her and everyone being like, oh my god, look who she's sitting by.

Like the fact that that works, like made my soul hurt. It's like you guys know that she's sitting by. Like the fact that that works, like made my soul hurt. It's like you guys know that she's sitting next to the guy because then we're all just gonna say what company he works for. You know he's not a real celebrity, he's just a guy in a commercial. He's not even the original guy from a commercial. They replace the original guy from the commercial

with an actor who plays the guy in the commercial now. Yeah. What are we doing? Yeah. This is like the worst of late-stage capitalism. Mom is gonna have merch. She's gonna have Kelsey merch that goes on underwear. We're gonna see where she's just gonna do what KISS.

She's gonna replace KISS is the most commercial band of all time. She turned us down at the Super Bowl. That's why she's two glasses in Laker. Exactly. That's his unlikely. Exactly.