The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Big Suey: WOOOOP!

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

Do you think Jerry Jones knew his role on Landman was a scripted show or did he believe it was a documentary? Dan, Amin, and Hawk discuss the dollar store and whether or not it's appropriate to still call it the dollar store in the midst of inflation causing prices to go above a dollar. Then, Dwyane Wade announced he had 40 percent of his kidney removed due to a cancerous tumor in 2023, and it leads the crew to a conversation on checking in with the doctor and, ultimately, the interesting position athletes are put in with pain management. Plus, the greatest play of Hawk's career, a walk-off home run call for a home run that was NOT a walk-off, and Chris Cote's Jay Gruden impression. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Welcome to the Big Sui presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan LeBattard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there.

That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar. This episode of the Dan LeBattard Show with Stu Gots is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours. There's a very low percentage of this that is smiles and glory homes.

Very low percentage. Closed his eyes, made a wish. Still, McCarthy said goodbye. His Schottenheimer, Jerry's guy We're gonna contemplate All through the night Low percent chance of smiles There's a guy Chicago can

But behind him we will stand All of the hope he'll bring If he's up to the task I'll take Eberfluss Yeah, he's got the juice Get the defense right Glory Hall is in sight I'll take Eberfluss But if we still lose Then it's ear, nose and throat Time at doctor's school, I'll take Eberfluss Yeah, he's got the juice I have during this show an assortment of voices in my head already, because I'm crazy

But also voices in my head because this is a bit of a control station, and Lewis, three notes into that song, said my Glory Hole song was better. Where is Lewis's Glory Hole song? He was just running around singing popular from Wiccan. Glory holes, a song about glory holes. And that is where the appropriate line stopped from his song got very inappropriate from there So yeah, that is why we have not got but it was great. Okay, but inappropriate is okay

Inappropriate is also is also funny Inappropriate we like to get a little close to inappropriate. I don't think all comedy is appropriate. Yeah workplace in a I don't know It's a fine line, Dan. I mean you're towing with it brother glory holes at work All comedy is appropriate. Yeah. Workplace and a, I don't know. It's a fine line, Dan. I mean, you're towing with it, brother. Glory Holes at work? Eh. I don't like it for Metal Lark.

I don't like it for the Dallas Cowboys. I'm gonna be honest with you. What are we doing? Why are we making this? Glory Holes? Look, the man made his fortune as a land man. You guys saw the show. All he wants to do is hang out with his family.

Looking for Glory Holes. That's all it's about. You guys saw the show. All he wants to do is hang out with his family, looking for glory holes. Glorie holes. That's all it's about. It's about family and glory holes. Not what I looked up on the internet, I mean. Well, that's not his fault. None of it was about family. Are you uncomfortable right now?

I have not seen you. About glory holes? Yes, I'm very uncomfortable. Am I uncomfortable because we're talking about glory holes? Glorie holes. Jerry Jones're talking about glory holes? GLORY HOLES Jerry Jones was talking about them. Yeah, and you're like, it's okay to be inappropriate. What?

He wasn't being inappropriate. He was talking about glory holes like a land man does. GLORY HOLES Hawk doesn't know what you're talking about. You don't know land man? Land man? No, there's an actual definition for glory holes that's It's not you know land man is this television show this song That's why we're still on this bit is because

Land man is a television show on the Paramount Plus network, right? Okay, and it's Billy Bob Thornton. It's John Ham It's about the people in the oil industry in Texas, right? No one and so one of the episodes has a cameo by Jerry Jones, who of course made his nut in the oil business, right? And is that an oil term too? Made his nut? Yeah, is that like a, is there a definition there, Mike? An official for nut, made his nut?

Yes, to come. Go ahead. Thank you. We'll ask Andrew Zimmern about that later in the show. So he does this, right? He comes in and he gives this great speech to Jon Hamm, whose character is in the hospital. He's like on his, he had a heart attack,

and he's got the beep, the defibrillator, and all that stuff happening in the background. It's great acting. By Jerry Jones. Great acting. In a room with Billy Bob Thornton and Jon Hamm, Jerry Jones is the best actor in the room. Did he know that it was a show?

I don't think so. I think he thought it was a documentary. Did he think that that person was really on his deathbed and he was just giving some words of wisdom and they were like, keep the cameras rolling. Land man to land man. They totally tricked him. Yeah, I mean. And so he talks about what this business is all about.

It's about your family. I didn't talks about what this business is all about. About your family. I didn't buy the Dallas Cowboys for anything else. I want to work with my kids. I want to surround myself with my kids for the rest of my life. Like, he gives us great, like. This is acting.

This is acting. That sounds a lot like Jerry Jones' real life. He was playing himself. Let's get that clip. Congratulations. It's amazing enough acting that it is worth re-exploring, even though it's two minutes long because it's not short this clip with Jerry Jones but I do want to show Andrew how

well acted this is so please find that at your earliest convenience I know Chris that I have you spinning a lot of plates today you will forgive me I don't know how you've recovered from the arduous first few minutes before the show when you were having your elbows lotioned by the makeup person, something I have never seen before in my history in this business. I mean, I didn't know I needed it, but apparently this week it's been a thing with Jessie, our lovely makeup artist. She told us that, hey guys, elbows, not great.

I can't believe this is a company of dry elbows. She does it all. To Americas, because there's not a single day that a black person doesn't have to lotion their elbows. I've never done it before, before today. Black people lotion their elbows daily. Roy, have you ever had anyone at work tell you that your elbows need lotion?

I wear long sleeves. Dan's had lubricoderm CQ behind his desk for 20 years. I apply it myself though. I've never had anyone apply it for me. You're a long-sleeved man. Andrew, can you tell me whether a makeup person has ever lotioned your elbows for you? Because I do view that as a luxury

I have not seen in the vanity industry before. When I looked up and our executive producer was sitting in that seat with his elbows up just allowing himself to be lotioned. And again, I don't think, no, the answer is just very plainly, no one's ever lotioned my elbows, but then again, to me, that would be like, has anybody ever brushed your teeth?

Because that's how a part of my daily routine lotioning my elbows is. I mean a dentist, right? No, they've never been like, hey, let me brush your teeth. Absolutely not. Teeth cleaning. They never do like the pass with a mechanical brush.

The fluoride, the fluoride, a little bit of the fluoride at the end just to give you a nice touch. Hog grabs it and says, I'll take care of that. He's like, let me brush my teeth. Does it himself. It's like jail rules, man. You never let somebody brush your teeth.

Was what? Never let a man brush your teeth, bro. Put it on the poll, are jail rules that you never let another man brush your teeth. Were you, I heard you in the other room talking about both being in the dollar store and then soon thereafter you said something about your teeth. Were those two things connected?

Yeah, so I was biting my fingernail right before I went on air at ESPN and my veneer cracked, I have a veneer, and it cracked in half and I panicked and I went to go, there's a Dollar General right by the ESPN studio. Aye, aye, Captain. And I went to go get some super glue

and I'm like, hmm, this might not be smart. I should Google whether I should put super glue in my mouth. And ChatGPT said no. Again, at the time I didn't know it was racially biased, so I didn't go too much deeper. But then I said, you know what, let me see about denture bond. And so I got some denture bond, bonded that thing on.

For a dollar? For, yeah, a dollar. It was a dollar. It was one of the very few items at the dollar store that are actually one dollar. What is that about? It's wrong. What have we done?

It's immoral. Inflation. It's unethical. Change the name? Yes. Two dollar store. That's a couple dollar general. Make it then, make the name of your store then,

sorry about inflation, it's more than a dollar. But don't tell me it's a dollar store, and then just generally lie to me about I can't get anything in here for a dollar. Sorry about inflation general. I don't think that that rolls off the tongue. Understood, but don't lie to me. Yeah.

Do you ever worry about the quality of the dollar store product? No, because nowadays they have like the same products as everywhere else. They do, but I- It's more of like a- I'm still a little skeptical. I look at it and it's a brand name,

but I'm like, you're in the dollar store though. I mean, when you grow up in places like Johnstown, Pennsylvania, but I'm like, you're in the dollar store though. I mean, when you grow up in places like Johnstown, Pennsylvania, population of 17,000, the dollar general is not looked at the same way the dollar general is in other bigger metropolitan areas. Let me just explain to everybody, I love a dollar store, but not in this incarnation.

Look, there are plenty of people who do their shopping because they enjoy the bargain and it's not just about buying the thing, it's about getting it at a good price you cannot make it a dollar store if you stop charging a dollar it ceases to be i don't want to go into a dollar store anymore if you're going to charge me anything that cost more than a dollar all all by then was less than you to the i went i i went two months ago what you get i got get? I got an assortment of stickers, tattoo, temporary tattoos for something

that we're trying to do around here. I opened my third Dollar General in an impoverished neighborhood. Because money is king, I mean. And I told the people there who were frustrated with previous dollar stores that I will keep my prices at a dollar. It's my whole platform.

You walked in with a cigar and a monocle. You guys make fun of me, but he- This is the perfect location, see? He was recently in a dollar store. Do you guys not like a dollar store? No one here likes a dollar store. I love the dollar store. Okay, we got two.

I haven't been to the dollar store in a bit, but I used to go with my grandma all the time, it was specifically for the reason you mentioned Dan which was she Loved a bargain. Yes, man, and you know a dollar isn't what it used to be. So it's tough to even trust anything That's a dollar nowadays to be honest if everything actually cost a dollar You probably wouldn't go we used to play bingo's bingo against each other with pennies And so when I would win enough pennies, she would take me to the dollar store so that I could buy something. It was the best.

I owe my former Cleveland Browns fandom to a highly a dollar store. Oh, that's right, the plates, right? Mm-hmm. There you go. Commemorative plates came from a dollar store. They wouldn't be a dollar now. They'd be 55 cents. Are you guys not saying that this is...

An issue? Why don't you go ahead and make the joke and not mumble it. No, no, no, no. It's funnier to do it like it. No, no, no, it's funny. It's funny. I mean, I mean. It's funnier to do it like that. Under, yeah.

Cause the browns aren't good, see. Okay, see now you lost me here. I don't like where we're going with this. The dollar needs to be a dollar. It needs to be worth a dollar and if I'm walking into a store that's called the General Store, that's the dollar store.

The what? General Store? Genital? Someone cut that, please. All right, you went General Stores and Glory Holes. We're gonna stick to just bargain shopping here, okay, and good football teams. The problem with inappropriate at work.

Now, the full circle has come here. Because you're talking about going to a General Store. You didn't put dollar in it, you just said general store. Put it on the poll, would you go into the general store at LeBittard's show? And want to see how far a dollar went? A dollar ain't what it used to be at the general store. What then? That's right.

What the hell is wrong with you? Is a dollar what it used to be at the general store? Is it not false advertising? Like, if I wanted to start a class action lawsuit with lawyers, this is false advertising in commerce if you're charging me more than a dollar at the dollar store. Well, Dan, I think I can answer that question. The dollar store does not say how many dollars,

it just says dollar store. As opposed to 99 cents only, which went out of business, because your name is 99 cents only, which went out of business, because your name is 99 cents only, so the moment when you get to things are 109, 129, 139, you kind of then have a false advertising. The moment that store starts taking other currencies only, exclusively, then you have a case. And also it might be they're gonna be like,

yeah, it's dollar in general, not the dollar general, like the captain of the dollar be like, it's dollar in general, not the dollar general, like the captain of the dollar, no, it's not a dollar. Yeah, around the dollar. Oh, generally, a dollar. See, that's how you fix it, you just make it a dollar generally. That's all you gotta do is add an L-Y.

Dan, I swear to God, this happened to me in real life. I worked for one of the teams I worked for. The general manager asked me what I wanted to be, and I was like, I just wanna help the team win championship. And he said, no, no, no, everyone has their own motivation and stuff. He said, for me, example, I'm the general manager. I manage things generally.

And I looked at him and I said, Are you serious? That was his definition of GM. What's a GM do? I manage things generally. Yeah, that's a literal way to look at it. But he's wrong. Hey, howdy listener. Why don't you sit down here next to me. Let's have a fireside conversation in the winter. This is all theater of the mind anyways. The weather outside is a little chilly. Let's warm up. Let's cozy up. Not just to each other, but also to that beautiful white can of Miller Lite. That's right, make these moments even better with Miller Lite, the great tasting light beer for people who love beer. A new year is a perfect time for friends, family, and great tasting light beer. Tastes like Miller time.

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Miller Brewing Company Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces Don LeBattard, I went in the margins. I'm like, I'm like your money ball of sex. I'm basically Scott Hattaberg Stugats a lot of walks, but I'm on base when it comes to sex Other other dudes they can be Giambi You know your role you play well? I know my role. This is the Dan LeBattar Show with the StuGats. The rest of you I'm curious how the news arrived here with with you guys and this is forgive the segue here from light stuff to heavier stuff, but Dwayne Wade, having Dwayne Wade attached to kidney cancer,

volunteering that made me feel some of the same things that I felt when Randy Moss had to leave everything he was doing in broadcasting. It is obviously jarring to me, and most of us, whenever mortality comes and creeps this close in a way that's this overt, but especially so when it's people that I associate with the highest forms of youth and athleticism. Like when Dwayne Wade, I understand that cancer can come for us all and many people listening

to this have been affected by cancer and thankfully Dwayne Wade says that the kidney cancer has been removed but I still I had trouble processing what it is that I was reading and it ain't like I've been near haven't been near death recently it's it's just this particular person representing this particular thing for this market and it being youth and I will carry you with free throws past past everyone in 2006. It just, it sort of didn't compute. I kind of short circuited on it.

Yeah, you know, Dan, and I think the thing I thought of was that because obviously we only found out because Dwayne Wade talked about it on his podcast a year and a half or more later. And it reminded me of, and I thought back to around the time he says this happened, 2023, did I notice that Dwayne Wade was kind of conspicuously absent or low key? And I'm like, I don't have any memories. But then it made me think of Chadwick Boseman, who we didn't know was fighting cancer that whole time up until he passed away and he said, oh, he had cancer?

He had aggressive cancer apparently, but we didn't know. We just thought he was just over the whole Wakanda forever thing when in those, in all those photos he took with fans and stuff like that. And in reality, no, he's exhausted because of cancer treatments. And that was the thing that really kind of got me thinking like, wait a second,

Dwayne Wade been walking around making appearances TV as an owner of the Utah Jazz all those things and we just didn't know that whole time He was dealing with this as competitive in his post career as he was during his basketball career Dwayne Wade has been you know gluttonous about consuming opportunities and competing in the content space for I'm Still Duane Wade that has value. I didn't see him disappear either.

The work can help in those circumstances. The busy can help. It can keep you sort of medicine every day to be getting up for something when you're scared. Except you gotta, I mean that's some real strenuous work conditions to be, I'm working while I'm trying to be can't. So were his previous work conditions,

like I'm not telling you he was sick. Bowie knew that he was making his final album and that it was like a love letter to his fans to kind of explain to them what was happening. Yeah, that's scary. I mean, anytime that you have like your heroes, it's like, obviously being a football player and you hear so commonly about the health risks of football and when you're playing, you're so laser focused

and it feels so far away. And I'm at the age now where I start to hear about teammates who are sick or teammates that passed away. And when you get to that moment where it's like, whoa, these are guys, it's not an old guy thing anymore. These are guys that were in the locker room with me. It does hit you like much different. And when you hear D-Way talk about it,

it kind of felt like that because it's like, to your point, this is at times the Superman. You know, the crazy one about that Andrew is we get a lot in the NBA where guys, because they are large human beings, their heart just gives out and Everyone always seems to think oh, it's a retired guy You know you probably let yourself go and I'm talking like like Sean Brooks is the name knows comes to mind Yeah, Sean Brooks was a dude that didn't eat back ate well clean clean right he didn't smoke

He didn't drink exercise all the time right and he was on a coaching staff, which means every year You know what happens at the first day of training camp, what do we do? We all do physicals, right? Everybody, staff, players, everything. So this is someone not only doing all the right things as far as how to live a healthy lifestyle, but was getting the checks and balances on at least a yearly basis, regularly. And then it's just like that. And that's the stuff that it's kind of humbling when you think of just the mortality of the, man, there ain't no control we have

over any of this stuff, man. Sure, we can do certain things, but you don't control it. You're just trying to mitigate risk is what you're doing. I've had moments where I've had health scares, like in retirement, and to your point, coming face to face with your, you know, the potential of mortality is very, very heavy. I'm just grateful that Dwayne Wade spoke about this

so publicly, you know, down here in Miami, obviously Alonzo Mourning went through issues with his kidneys as well, and you know, Dwayne Wade talked about Alonzo and all of this, and Alonzo still spends time being an advocate for people to get checked out. And, you know, Dwayne Wade here with another example of like, we as men in particular are often kind of taught to kind of mask pain,

whether that's emotionally or physically, and like him sort of saying, hey, I was going through some issues, so I went to the doctor and I wanted to get checked out, and I found it necessary and they found something that could have been deadly to me, is I think going to make a huge impact on so many people who will now go get themselves checked out.

So I thank him for that. I don't wanna play doctor or diagnose, I will just tell you in the history with this organization, the reason Alonzo Morning learned that these kidney ailments affect black people disproportionately uh... he the way that he learned what was connected to his kidney issues was the amount of pain medication he was taking every single day

uh... to in order to do his job uh... just at the way he was popping advil at ricky williams speaks of being on the team plane and just a tray coming by of just an assortment of things that you couldn't normally get to heal your body. Is it unfair to wonder without a diagnosis, like just the cost of medicating to keep getting out there on the body in retirement? Anti-inflammatories is what was linked

to kidney disease and kidney failure. Larry Johnson famously stopped taking anti-inflammatories because of what happened Alonzo morning and his career overnight went to like almost hit a wall because his back was completely messed up from earlier back surgery. And so he needed that just to feel loose in the back. You'll do anything for relief from the pain.

Yeah, and I think more than that, you'll do anything to complete your job at the best that you can because that's how you're trained. I took a lot of anti-inflammatories. I'll go on record in saying that. Like I literally could not. Tell me the most you've ever taken like in one sitting. Most, I mean, it's hard to say,

because it's like you don't even think about it. Like, oh, how many pills are there? You start to just take what? Most, I mean it's hard to say. Cause it's like you don't even think about it like, oh how many pills I did. You start to just take what, okay I felt best. I took this amount yesterday and I didn't feel perfect. So you add some more. You add a little bit more. So five?

I mean I've taken six Advil. Six Advil. Eight Advil. Eight? Yeah like it's you know, 800s you take Volteran. 800s? Look at what he was doing. Volteran you horse tabs toward all like it's I couldn't play a game without

Tor at all and it got banned by the league you guys eventually but yeah, you get a shot or you get a peel because honestly It's like I'm yes. I'm five seven a hundred and eighty pounds Physics will tell you if Ray Lewis hits me It's going to hurt and I can't do my job if I hurt. So Toridol will mask the pain for a couple of hours so that when he hits me I get up and talk by trash but the very next play I'm still the same receiver. Pre-game? And literally yes. Every game? I could not play a game without. Every game. I got to Cleveland, first game, me, Dante Whitner, Carlos Dansby. Dante Whitner. free agents to the Browns game one

We go to the training room drop our pants Like what do you they're like, what the hell are you doing? Oh, they didn't know what you were like They're the shot right like we had gotten to a group and we're like, hey, let's just go in now We get it out the way and let it start to kick in they were like, yeah We don't do that here and we were, how the hell are we supposed to play in an NFL game without Tor. But it was banned and it was like, they weren't, they wouldn't do it.

So yeah, it's a tough business. It is, it hurts as much as it looks, you know, and you gotta get through it because that's what you're getting paid for. I'm just thinking of the poor team doctor, trader, whatever, sitting in his office like alright guys game day Let me see them look up some last things and here come the three new guys alright It's my experience you tell me if I have this wrong because you're mentioning just three guys

It's my experience that that's more common than not that guys needed the Torah doll Yeah, in order to get out on the field most weeks. Yes. The majority of players. It wasn't a small, it wasn't you and three guys. It was the majority of football players when this was allowed needed something to mask the bodies screaming. At that time it was me and the three guys that were new to the locker room and we didn't know what this organization's rules were. So to us, we had come here and we're more old school players

than probably the guys that they had in the locker room at that time, and this was a part of our process. What was that like the first time you had to play without Toro Doll? After you've experienced the bliss of Toro Doll, now it's like a fan, hey, you gotta just go out there and play.

It would literally ruin your whole week because your recovery is slower. The pain hurts a little bit more. And even in the game, it just, to your point about it, when you stop taking it, you tank, it's, yeah, try to do anything in pain, you're gonna be worse at it. So you do as much as you can to mask the pain. I limp down steps right now,

like I'm 70 years old in the morning because of the scar tissue in my ankle and I could not have been the player I was without a painkiller or Volterra to keep the swelling down because it's impossible. Can you explain something to me because you mentioned Ray Lewis here I read his biography it's got some holes in it in some key places but I read I read his biography and he was talking about how he physically became who he became, and it's at least in part because since high school

he was taking a deck of cards, throwing card by card on the ground, and when it was a face card he'd do 10 pushups, and he would do it that way, and he would do it through the entire deck, and he is the only player that I've heard of in the modern age that everyone talks about that way, which is when he hits you, it feels different

than when everyone else in the world hits you. And I'm wondering if that's actually factual. Like when you say Ray Lewis, are you grabbing a random name or does him hitting you, does it feel different than everyone else hitting you? I wouldn't say different than everybody else. There are a lot of players that when they hit you does it feel different than everyone else hitting you i won't say different than everybody else there are a lot of players that when they hit you it hurts now ray lewis is for me

like that good middle ground of yes he can hit you like to ross i can hit you the chance of trial sucks catching me is a little lower than me catching a ball not seeing ray lewis coming or try palomar for palomar who probably in my career hit me the hardest. That hurt the worst. He was a torpedo and it's not a strength thing. Like yes strength is a faction of it. Your speed, your acceleration, all the science. And then there are just guys who know how to maximize the impact of their body against another body better than most. And Troy Palamalu, Ray was really good at

that. There are certain guys that I would get hit by. Ed Reed would hit me and I was never like, he didn't break through the tour at all. Palamalu broke through the tour at all. It was like, okay. About James Harrison. This one is immune to this. James Harrison, yes, he would kill you,

but James never got me. And I would actually talk a lot of crap to James Harrison. It was almost it was almost like a chicken like I'm trying to kill the Cleveland Brown. Yes. Yeah It was trying you were you there when he killed Josh. I was not I was in Cincinnati Yeah, kill Josh and then he signed to Cincinnati my third year there So we played together and then would he talk openly about how he was trying to kill other people? No, he talked about his he had a plan like it was like he had it written out and so he meditated yeah murder one yeah he was like I'm going to catch a body today and I'm like all right well glad you're on my team this year so then for

the rest of my career when I played against him I would egg it on there's actually I got a really bad concussion verse the Steelers in 2015 Where I get hit and I come to it was like a third quarter like 3 45 p.m. I get hit The next moment I remember it's midnight. I'm in the hospital like that's no come on. Where to you? I'm like Mom, what are you doing here? Right, like it was like the last play, I was on the field, and this time, I'm in the hospital. But in that game, I was talking so much shit

that the defensive play, to James, to the D, they were like head hunting me, because I was like, it don't matter, you ain't gonna catch me. And of course, Johnny throws a pick, and I turn around and here comes the, I believe it was Jarvis Every one of them on film you can see the moment the pic happens they are trying to find me

He catches me straight launch helmet to helmet next thing. I know I'm at UPMC medical Please call him? I'd like to call somebody who was on that field to just get a recollection of how quickly all 11 of them turned around to go find out where Hawk was. Who's that guy who's been like a fly around an elephant's tail just annoying us loudly all game? They would write, they wrote articles on Pittsburgh blogs

like detailing the sequence of events. Here's Hawkins after a catch jumping up talking trash to James Harrison. Here's where he flinches at another DN who is six feet bigger than him. And here is the actual hit in question. I like that. It's somewhat like in a darkened room with the slideshow. Picture one, like, Hawkins talking. When you mentioned that, when he mentions Palamalu,

I've almost got a word association that I do with this because I wanna ask, no, not shampoos. He's been doing nothing but muttering uselessness under my breath every time I talk that we can't understand what you're saying when you make the jokes, they're only for you. Palamalu, when I think of him, the thing that I think of is other football players saying,

and Andrew Gase saying, of Peyton Manning, he was prepared for every single situation that there could be in the sport, except how Palamalu played it. That there was, that strategically, he would consistently be baffled that that person was taking that chance in that spot because it was irresponsible to his job. He was clearly head and shoulders above the competition.

There it is. I like that. But both of those things are fact. Because when we would watch him on film, we would go into those games, and I mean, Jake Gruden was our OC OC and he was straight-up say like hey There's no rhyme or reason to anything this dude does Robert and cook, huh? That's his fake jay-gruden You're you're allowed to be surprised by that. It's a very limited impersonation

Robert and that's good Now that I have the context. It's a little flaky, not like Kirkwood Palamalu, though. No, okay, I like what you did there. Troy was great, though. He would literally on any given play take a chance that you had never seen on film. And honestly, a lot of that was,

in large part, to Ryan Clark, who was kind of the by-the-book safety. And the way he played was another way, we would be baffled by two things. We'd be baffled by Paula Mollow when he decides to take those crazy chances. And Ryan Clark had this weird way of diagnosing runner pass before anybody else,

that it felt like cheating, and I never quite figured it out. And I've asked him and he hasn't given me, but it was like on film, it would be like, how do you know so quickly what this is? Yeah, like you say Troy's taking crazy chances, but for him, it's probably just rinse and repeat, right? When he says never quite figured it out,

I'm guessing that Andrew Hawkins here has never quite figured out that that limited fake Jay Gruden, if I have the proper context, was once playing hide and seek here. He was playing hide and seek, so you tell me, Hawk, how accurate this is, sound that we wrestled away from ESPN. John and Jay, Mike playing John, me playing Jay.

Of John and Jay Gruden playing hide and seek. Are they as adults? Please give me the context I need here. I'm trying to just listen. Well, this was all improv. We had a Jay Gruden that was really good at saying Kirk So we decided to run we built the whole thing around here are Jay and John group I'm seek. I thought it was Marco Polo. I love slants man. Wow, that's what their sponsor. Yeah

Wait a minute was that you or Gruden who just did that? I love slants man. Oh wow No, I love my brother man. He's over here. Actually. He's looking for his quarterback over here. Yeah, where's Robert? Kirk? I love that man. Fats and Infos limited fake jaygroo...it's just too obscure. Very limited. Where's Robert? Kirk? Why is he... why is he... he doesn't know where they are? Like that's all you've got. Look at that man. He don't, he's. I'll help you look for him man. Robert, Kirk, Kirk. Robert, Kirk, Kirk.

I should hold a camp man to find your quarter. This is the Gruden brothers. What would it sound like? Kirk, Kirk, I should hold a camp, man, to find your quarters. This is the Gruden Brothers. What would it sound like? Let me do this another way. What would it sound like if the Gruden Brothers were teaming up to play hide and go seek? I love that game. You count, okay?

I'm gonna go run. One, two, three. Don't forget about four. I love four. Four, three. Don't forget about four, I love four. Four, Robert. I'm out here playing with your quarterbacks, man. Ready or not, man.

All right, come. Try to not look under the. Hey, I see you, man. Tag, man. Who'd you see? Who'd you see? Fat Rob? Fat Rob. Yeah, okay. So stupid. Oh my god. It's a good QB room. RG3 and Kirk Cousins. That's solid, man. That was an incredible impersonation. This ain't the little itty bitty teeny tiny bowl.

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Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co. slash audio. Don Lebatard. We're gonna win. Stugats. We're gonna win.

They're annoying. What an old reference. This is the Don Lebatard Show with the Stugats. I wanna play for you guys some sound here we haven't gotten to during the week it is in Spanish and it sounds like a walk-off situation but it is not a walk-off situation that is hugely key yeah I just I need to point out to everybody that everything that happening everything that's happening in this

Dominican baseball clip and my god are these fun atmospheres to be a part of when Dominican players care about these games there's so much personality on and my god are these fun atmospheres to be a part of when uh... dominican players care about these games there's so much personality on these games but this is the top of the ninth inning what the press anyway i do i think you know and you know that it was a lot of all of the end I can't believe it! I can't believe it!

I love him as a player. I watched him play so much third for the race. He's now rounding second. For the audio audience, this hitter is pumping up the crowd. He's skipping the entire way. He just got to third. He's stopped at third. Big hug for the third base coach.

He's now walking from third to home. Soft jog. This reminds me of what cornerbacks do when they're beat by a receiver and the quarterback overthrows them and it's an incomplete, and then they celebrate. Like it's just like they just locked down. Again, top of the ninth, not a walk off. It was amazing because he hits and before he gets the first base, the entire team has

come out. Everyone gets a high five. On the first baseline side. And they're all just, and he literally stands still. He's not like jogging and shouting him out. He just stands there, what's up now? What's up? It reminds me of Peter Warwick in the Sugar Bowl.

Y'all want me to end this shit right now? Again with Peter Warwick. Dude, it's one of the, hey, I'm gonna tell you right now There's like five every I think every person has like three to five athletes in their life That's like it doesn't matter what their actual ranking is in the sport It's like no no in that moment you were like that. There's the guy There's no you cannot tell me a football player that I feared more than Peter work Wow Now that was the pinnacle of football and everything else after that. To be better than everyone in Florida at Florida football is what he was getting a lot of credit

for. He wasn't quite the pro that he was as a college player. What's the best you've ever felt in one of these situations where- What, middle of the game? Well, not even middle of the game, just an athletic feat that swells through you with so much energy that you- it's this thing we talk about It's one thing to win but to be the reason for winning and then to share that with your teammates Even though it's the top of the ninth to share the reason for I'm the reason we won and all of the defiance that comes

Hissing out of you because you're the most competitive of people Yeah, like where where is your highest feeling on this? Probably date October 20th, 2011. Johnstown, Pennsylvania, Mayor Tragonia walks up to that podium. He utters the words Johnstown's favorite son. The feeling that goes through your veins to know that this day is

Cemented and forever yours to own through life's history There will never be a day that people won't look back at October 20th 2011 and think of me Would you like to know what chat GPT says? Smiles and glory holes baby Chat GPT says I asked it what is your signature moment in your career? And it came back with September 16th, 2012. You were playing against the Cleveland Browns. You caught a 50 yard game winning touchdown, man.

That's not wrong. If I gave you the true answer. Okay. Chat GPT, they're one for like 10 today, but that one is right. Look at this. It goes on to add, he weaved through multiple defenders with his elite speed and agility That's a great securing a game-winning score in a 3427 Bengals victory There's so much to that play, you know Here's a couple of things and I don't want to ramble but I will I don't want to be look at me, Louie But let me let's take this moment to look at me trying to get to the NFL, Ray Farmer was like

an assistant GM at, or like a front office personnel at the Kansas City Chiefs. And he told my agent, he doesn't quite have enough juice for his size for them to give me a workout. So they didn't give me a workout coming from Canada. I go to the Bengals, he's now front office for the Browns. This is, I think our first or second game of the season, maybe game number two.

It's the fourth quarter. We're in a division battle. They throw me this ball, and it is a highlight. Please go look up this touchdown. It's the best touchdown I've ever scored. It was my first ever NFL touchdown. My son was born in February. This is his first ever NFL game.

Little baby with the headphones on. My family's, whole family is there in the audience, and I scored this, essentially, touchdown that sealed the deal. Not only that, that play is why Ray Farmer, who became the GM of the Browns, ended up signing me away from the Bengals as a restricted free agent, because he was like,

you know what, we messed up, we're gonna get you here, and that touchdown, he referenced it all the time. There is no better feeling in the world than scoring it in a touchdown touchdown. Yo, this cut that you make is ridiculous. It is, it's like, it puts on full display what the Andrew Hawkins pocket experience is. No, this is Peter Warwick, this is a Peter Warwick touchdown.

This is crazy. It is, it's a nice one, humbly. It's crazy, cause. You made five dudes miss. The way you describe it, not the the actual play but describe all the ramifications It is clearly the most important to your life Like most important moment of your entire life It is this is what made you millions of dollars and literally allows you to sit right here and and crack jokes about having a day

But anything it's kind of a dumb throw by Andy, but it's an absolute rocket that he throws to you. Snagged. Yeah. And then your boy just did the rest. I always say that scoring a touchdown is the second greatest feeling in my life. NFL touchdown, it is. So sex is first?

Well, I was gonna say my day, but sure, be inappropriate, Dan, whatever you're into. But yes, no, sex number one. Oh! Touchdown, NFL yes, no sex number. Oh touchdown NFL touchdown No greater feeling poor number 27 on the Browns here. I mean you work that guy. Hey He loves what's happening right now It looks like proof of what he's been saying that he was the quickest man in the world trying to tell you get it He's been trying to tell everybody since he got here,

do you guys know how quick I am? Why do you keep disrespecting my athleticism? I don't think you've seen the film. Your first touchdown. First touchdown. Downhill from there, huh? Oh man, you make a bunch of millions and then you get this.

When your first one is your best one, they're all downhill from there. Yeah, that's not wrong. The tour I was throwing that day. You were really good at sports, huh? Tour of the Woodward. Those ankles were going that day you were really good those ankles were loose that day baby I just watched it and all I'm imagining is that he can't feel anything just gliding, just floating, it's levitating it's whatever monks do in order to get off of the ground

when they reach a prayerful state I didn't go to sleep that night until 4.30 in the morning. Partly because the tour had me wired. The other part was I sat up and watched every highlight that they talked about. Oh my God, that's gotta be the cool part, right? Stu Scott was on the call. That's gotta, I'm watching it.

Woo, crazy, right? Yeah, man, it was a... That's the part that I think, like, I've only obviously been tangential, right? Where they're talking about us, but it's nothing I did, right? But the part, Dan, where you win a big game, you have a great game, that's awesome, but then when you go home, you say,

let me see what these bastards on the sports center talking about. Just turn it on, and you watch it on repeat. You know how they repeat the sports center after something I'm gonna watch it. Where you play of the day, did you get in the top 10? Did that play get in the top 10? Oh yeah, Rich Eisen called me the human joystick. Who else?

Stu Scott was on the call and said something like, this dude moves like butter, you know? Which was like, come on man, Stu Scott on the call, Coach Dungy was like, man I love this kid. Chris Berman was like come on man Stu Scott on the call coach Dungey was like man. I love this kid Chris Berman was like Did you get a whoop I sure I got a what he did it was like the highlight of the day It deserved a whoop. A couple of them. It was earned.

There's a couple of them in there, man. No, that was just a one. There was a cut and then there's a one whoop. No, there were not, look. Hit every button on the mat and control it. It's a great play. Just mash it up. Worthy of one whoop.

There was at least two whoops. I think it gets two whoops. There was at least two whoops. It's two whoops. This is not an indictment of the move. Kind of sounds like it. It's a celebration of the whoop. There was at least two whoops. I think it's two whoops. There was at least two whoops. It's two whoops. This is not an indictment of the move. Kind of sounds like it. It's a celebration of the whoop.

It's respecting the whoop. Come on man, I think you're disrespecting the play. I think it's a little disrespectful to the play. There's the first cut that he makes and then the side step to come back to the inside and going this way. To downplay this play and then applaud Stu Gotz for the best no name American football podcast

done by a white dude in Florida? To give it one whoop is a compliment. It will never be an insult. You got one whoop, it's enough. And he wants two. Which one are you calling the whoop? The first cut, look look the second cut was beautiful He will tell you that nothing has ever felt greater in his life not cost crossing that goal line

Then that first cut and how it looks on the video now. There was a solid fourth cuts Agree two of them were woop worthy. No, they were all L one button side step to the left That's a safe. That's it crazy. You've never even seen that really done in a game at that speed. I won. In my mind, you said whoop as you did it. Yes, bro. Oh, what a play. I'm just running for my life, by the way.

In the middle of the play, I'm not like, oh, I'm de-balling. It was like, oh my God. Ah, ah, oh my, I'm about to score. Oh shit, oh God, woo. Play it cool, play it cool, play it cool. And then I stare down the audience as if I meant to do that. So, you're telling me there was no big picture, it was just

I can't get tackled by him. Wait a second, is that the end zone? The first sound he made did sound like fear to me. I'm blindly running in the middle of the field. This play has been going on for six seconds. Somebody's about to kill me. There's one cut that I make. I think the middle of the field. This play has been going on for six seconds. Somebody's about to kill me. There's one cut that I, I think the second cut that I make

is actually on my own player, but I thought it was a defender. The colors are. So he's coming to block. I thought he was coming to hit me and I got scared and cut. So it looks sweet, but I was like, ah! Oh, that's Brian. Hey, get him for me.

That should be a rule against having the same color helmets. Cause it's like, it's orange, there's this brownish orange. History, you ready for some football history? You guys do a football history show here? We'll start. You should. Football history of why both the Browns and the Bengals have orange helmets.

Essentially, they took the Browns from Paul Brown, okay? He was very upset at it. He was pissed, so much so, he's like, I'm gonna start another team in Cincinnati, and I'm gonna give them the same orange helmets at a spite. So we would get this speech every first day of camp from Mike Brown about his dad and how they became the Bengals. Now they eventually added the stripes, but that's why they also had the orange helmets to stick it to the Browns organization.

You guys just saw a moment of great athletic grace that was amazing to watch. And the way he described it is the way the sound would be made by somebody in a kitchen, jumping away from a rat to jump onto a chair. He was terrified the entire time he was running out of there. It was the sound you and I would make if we were trying to tiptoe through that,

like, ah, ah whee, whee. That is the NFL experience. Don Lebatard. But it's just his titties are sitting on the shelf that is his belly. Stugats. He said titties and it like shocked me a little bit. I wasn't quite prepared for titties. This is the Don Lebatard show with the Stugats.

This is the Don LeBattar Show with the Stugarts. Jeremy is saying he has some exclusive heat news. It feels like we have not gotten to any heat news and he says he's had it for two days. I don't know if that's the greatest failure we've had around here today. I believe the greatest failure we've had around here today is that Mike Ryan has not gone viral with this is the camera shot, making some sort of profound point about something where he gives social commentary and we never see his face. Sorry, I wasn't that interesting today.

It's okay, I was hoping though that you would be- I thought you were a star. I was- Oh, come on. Bravo. That deserves a spa. Potty. This is a happy time around here and Jeremy thought that all of these balloons,

and by the way, it's a crappy assortment of balloons. I don't know why we just took the letters in birthday and made the A and the Y. Hey, watch it. Yeah, I don't, but we are celebrating our award season. Metal Arc did great, but Jeremy thought we were celebrating Tyler Hero's All-star appearance. Yeah, that's right.

It's the first all-star selection for Tyler Hero, and it's a pretty amazing accomplishment for a guy who was taken to the cracks by people nationally and locally for the last several years, as he was part of trade rumors every single off-season until this one. A few years ago, he went on a podcast and said that he was in,

should be considered in the same conversation. It was your podcast. It was my podcast with Luca, Trey and Ja. And everybody laughed at him. They put it on inside the NBA and trolled him. And to see him now as the only one of those guys in 2025 named an All-Star, that's not to say, that's not saying he's Luka Dantic. I'm not saying he's Luka Dantic, okay?

But to watch him play himself into the conversation of all of these guys who he said were going to be All-Stars has been really cool. Calling Tyler Hero like hated on a national level is a bit extreme. I don't think you've been on NBA Twitter. I think that's heat Twitter, dude. I don't think he's that.

He's just a guy. No, he's internet polarizing. No, he is absolutely, look, man. I think it was the Jack Harlow. Yeah. That's what it was. And that was right after. It was this quick ascension after the bubble

and talking as if he was going to be the player that he's now become. That it took him a while to get here. But he- I mean, still making faces at you. I mean, he is an all-star and he's not Jamal McGlore. Like, he's an all-star. He earned the all-star game. How do you define Jamal McGlore, all-star?

Not those counting stats. Jamal McGlore doesn't have the counting stats that Tyler Hero does. His score efficiency in the three-point game he has become one of the best shooters scorers in the league on consistency and efficiency I would argue with you that the definition of the Jamal McGlore all-star is that really enjoy this weekend guy because it may not happen again maybe that's that's the definition of a cat maybe not but to watch him turn into this Maybe that's that's the definition of a big cat. Maybe not but to watch him turn into

this guy that's been this efficient and in a season full of turmoil for the franchise. Like I think that's a part of the All-Star game. So did Jamal McGloar. Yeah. My favorite part about being on this show is being the casual basketball fan who spends 60% of the time during the conversation googling the names that you guys. Thank you. That proves my point. Like Tyler Hero. Like nobody's thinking about Tyler Hero in the end. I know Tyler Hero, I didn't Google him. It was Jamal McGloer that he was Googling.

Jamal McGloer just got a quick Google search. You know who Tyler Hero is, but have you ever thought like, man, that controversy down there in Miami with Tyler Hero. Never thought about that. This guy's been a part of every superstar trade conversation for the last five years. Chris, just quickly, I don't wanna break off, Hawk, but like basically what makes Tyler Hero a national thing

is number one, the Damien Lillard talk, number two was that clip that, on his podcast that ran on TNT. Those are the two big things. Had to be good for subscriptions. It was pretty good. Yeah, resurface it. How's that podcast doing now?

Let's not talk about it. Put it up the clip. Stop winning awards and that is how you open up the club if what you're doing is not looking to celebrate people and fun. I'll save the exclusive reporting for next week. Hey, howdy listener. Why don't you sit down here next to me? Let's have a fireside conversation in the winter. This is all theater of the mind anyways. Weather outside is a little chilly. Let's warm up, let's cozy up, not just to each other, but also to that beautiful white can of Miller Lite. That's right, make these moments even better with Miller Lite, the great tasting light beer for people who love beer. A new year is a perfect time for friends, family, and great tasting light beer. Tastes like Miller time. You know as the football

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