The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Big Suey: You Live On a Hill

Episode Date: August 30, 2024

Adnan Virk and David Samson are here to celebrate Cameron Diaz's 52nd birthday with their Top 5 Cameron Diaz Movies, and the two lists could not differ more. Then, there's a little bit of Stugotz in Brandon Aiyuk, Chris calls Greg to learn the origins of a phrase he uses when choosing where to eat dinner, and we listen to this year's Suey Nominees for Best Story. Plus, Mike Fuentes was a secret standout performance during Taylor's story, Steph Curry has a new show on Peacock, and Mike McDaniel has been extended by the Miami Dolphins. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit mx.ca slash business platinum. Welcome to the big suey presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan LeBattard podcast. I'm sorry. I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there.

That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face and the habitual liar. Every week we get the R version of Siskel and Ebert. It's David Sampson from Nothing Personal with David Sampson and Adnan Burke of the MLB Network. And they regale us. And Cinephile. And Cinephile, excuse me, and Cinephile.

Hi, boy, Cody. And they regale us with their takes on Chinama and rank top five lists for various categories. We're gonna do that in a second, but first we wanna start on a somber note, Adnan. The passing of Johnny Goudreau, who passed away, him and his brother, in an accident, they were on bicycles, correct?

Correct. Hit by a drunk driver. Johnny Goudreau, a terrific hockey player, I mean. And, you know, I always talk on Calgary Radio every week, so I have a real affinity for the flames because of that keeping you know tabs on what's happening. 9 years Goudreau was awesome with the flames and he had a couple of great breakout seasons and once he was available as a free agent

Everett said oh my God he could be a transformative presence and a lot of thought was because he's from New Jersey could sign with the Devils or the Flyers the team that I root for and said he goes to Columbus played there for the last couple seasons. He was back home in New Jersey for his sister's wedding Which was to take place this weekend and his brother were cycling and hit by drunk driver And it was absolutely stunning news to hear that they both have passed away

And I got the news alert last night, and I was I was in shock about what happened to Johnny Goudreau He's a young man still the prime of his life married children all the rest of it But yet another example of a drunk driver taking a life way too soon of course thoughts and prayers The good road family terrific hockey player and a wonderful guy Yes, thoughts and prayers and condolences to the good road family We were talking with this is an abrupt transition because there's no way you can do this and then be smooth about it But we were talking about Rich Hill going back to the Red Sox for the fourth time.

Dick Melton. Attaboy, Adnan. Thank you, Adnan. There he is. David, I'm curious, was there ever a player that you guys brought back multiple times and why? I'd have to go back and think you basically get them at different stages of their career. Rich Hill now can't be part of a postseason, but neither can the Red Sox. And he can give them innings and he really wants to keep going. And it's a nice story.

They certainly know him. We used to, as a GM or president, when there's someone, you know what they'll be like in the clubhouse, you're apt to give them a job when you have depth needs versus someone else you don't know, even if you think they could be incrementally better in a role or in a time of the year that doesn't matter. So the comfort of Rich Hill is really probably what gave him a chance. It raises a larger question in life, David, and in baseball. Yes, you want the most talented guy, but if talent relative leak, we'll take the guy who's a good guy and Rich Hill.

Yeah, he's serviceable. He'll get a few guys out, sure, why not? I feel like it is a uniquely baseball thing. Like, guys in the NBA, in the NFL, sometimes come back for a second go around. But like, the baseball thing where guys keep coming back, it's almost like good enough to want, not good enough to keep.

And I get what you're saying, David. It's like, you have him at first, and he's a star player. And then he comes back, and now he's a relief. And then you come back, and you just need a good vet in the clubhouse or whatever, but you rarely see that kind of Transition back and forth in the other in the other main sports. Well often they just stay I mean isn't is it possible that you don't as haslam is that yes Where he had a chance to just stay on the bench when he really was an assistant coach Yes. Where he had a chance to just stay on the bench

when he really was an assistant coach. Yes. And wasn't worthy of a spot. Well, I'm not gonna say he wasn't worthy. Of course he was worthy. He's worthy, it's a culture. The culture's right there. Is it any wonder they get bounced in the first round

the first year he's out? Today's show is gonna make me lose my mind, I think. Jeremy's having a rough show. Between the bounce house and now slander of Udonis Hazlund. Let me ask them. I have either of you guys been to University of Central Florida State? This is really these two yeah you see these guys about UCF football stadium thank you Blake Bortles all right I'm gonna tell you

but UCF is that I don't know sure why but Jesse Palmer told when he worked with Reese Davis when they went to UCF one time they kept seeing fans saying with sign saying what do you think about that like as if their school was underappreciated. To this day, if you hear Reese Davis or Jesse Palmer mention UCF, they always say, what do you think about that? That's my contribution to UCF culture. Same energy still. The only thing I know about UCF is their stadium stinks.

Ah! Wow. I'm leaving! What do you think about that? Wow. Gentlemen, what's the top five list? David knew what he was doing there. He was watching earlier.

Stop it, Chris. He just walked in right now. What are you guys ranking for us today? Well, today, you may not know this, it's Cameron Diaz's 52nd birthday. And I'd like to just take a moment and say, how the hell is Cameron Diaz 52 years old? Wow.

I'm not saying that's old. I'm just saying it's older than I would have expected Cameron Diaz 52 years old. Wow. I'm not saying that's old. I'm just saying it's older than I would have expected Cameron Diaz to be. Right age, perfect age. But it depends. Happy birthday, Cameron. And I think we should do in her honor a top five all time Cameron Diaz movies.

All right, I'm with it. First we're gonna do this. Happy birthday to her. I don't care Good luck. Thank you, Chris the Madden family cares Now nobody No Madden. Oh nobody there was a movie John Madden family cares something about me. It's all about John Madden. No

married to a man Wow, how about that get with it? I Oh, wow. How about that? Get with it, Amin. I did not know that. From Good Charlotte. Maybe I'm wrong. The guy with the finger, you got the duck, you got the turkey, it's a duck.

She's married to one and Nicole Richie's married to the other, right? Chris, I want you to clip that for Sui's next year. Best limited fake, Adnan Burke as John Madden. Or is Adnan Burke as... Brad Caligando. Brad Caligando as John Madden or is that that Burke as as uh, right? Callie and go as done. There you go. All right. Uh, David, how about you lead us off? Let's go. Number five. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Shrek, baby.

Great selection. David. I've watched it inside the stadium at UCF. Number four, Vanilla Sky. The movie that people don't understand, but if you love Cameron Crowe, you love Jerry Maguire, Tom Cruise. Go watch Vanilla Sky. You won't be sorry. Number three, did anyone use hair gel the same after there's something about Mary? It changed an industry in a way that we've not seen maybe in any other movie. Top five industry changing moments for a product.

There's something about Mary and hair gel. That's number three. Shout out to Brett Fowler. He was in that or number two. He gave all the money to Mississippi. Number two, the holiday. Oh, great place. Great. That's a good one.

I like that one. Every December. Fun of me all you want. But if you don't get emotional watching the holiday with Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Jack Black, and Cameron Diaz, what are you doing? How adorable are Kate Winslet and Jack Black in that movie? The chemistry that they have together is just amazing.

Now, I just want to clarify. David gets emotional for the holiday. Yeah, sentimental claptrap. His kids going to college. Listen, I can't say I'm perfect. I can only tell you that that fact is true. But if you wanna know the number one movie for Cameron Diaz that I've watched more than a dozen times,

what happens in Vegas? Now, before you criticize that choice, Ashton Kutcher, it's about two people who meet in Vegas. They're both down on their luck. The late Great Treat Williams has not been very nice to his son. Ashton Kutcher goes to Vegas. Cameron Diaz gets broken up with by a geek and goes to Vegas. They meet. They have the night of their lives hangover style. They

get married and then Dennis Miller is their judge as they try to get divorced. So bad. And guess what? It may end with them together, but it is shocking. So good. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert, we did it on Cinephobe episode 96. I phobed it. That movie's terrible. But Rob Quarter and Lake Bell are great in it. So I'll give you that. That's your number. I do love Dennis Miller.

Samson may have solved it with the appearance of Dennis Miller, so I may have to check it out just for that scene. But I'll take it. Wait, you've never seen the movie? I've never seen what happens to Megas. And you've seen it a dozen times. I would encourage you not with your kids to watch what happens in Vegas.

It couldn't be more of just like a rom-com. It's just straight down the middle rom-com. I like the fact. Sorry. We'll do the combo. I'll watch it. Then I'll listen to FOB. There you go. I'll see why David loves it. Let's see what it means. Says all right. Number four. Number five, excuse me, Gangs of New York. That's number five. Cameron Diaz and Leonardo DiCaprio comparing scars.

She plays Jenny Everdeen, who's a filch. And of course you've got the titanic performance of Daniel Day-Lewis. I took the father and I'll take the son. You tell young Ballad I'm going to paint paradise with his blood. Two coats. Has there ever been a list you've done without Scorsese? No, listen'm gonna paint paradise with his blood. Two coats. And number four. Has there ever been a list you've done without Scorsese? No, listen, that's an underrated movie.

Gangs of New York, this is wondering. That's a great one. And then what won the Oscar that year? Cause I thought that was gonna win Best Picture and it didn't. It was thought to be a meeting, got 10 Oscar nominations and the pianist. No, excuse me, Chicago won Best Picture.

Oh gosh! That's even worse! A musical! A musical! Puh, puh! Alright, continue. You guys continue to just break my heart. Number four, any given Sunday.

Amidst Oliver Stone's bombast and testosterone, you're going to have one strong female character, that's Cameron Diaz playing the owner, challenging Pacino. Where is your heart, Tony? Where is your fight? Any given Sunday. It's ridiculous and preposterous, but it's more entertaining than you might realize. Any given Sunday is number four. The most preposterous, but it's more entertaining than you might realize any given Sundays. Number four, the most preposterous is that Cameron Diaz would be an owner. No, no, not at all because she's the daughter of the owner. She inherits the team.

That's what happened. Yeah. Number three, smoking. It's the mask. I'm shocked that David did not have the mask. This was this was Cameron Diaz is coming out party. Hello red dress the mask. No one's arguing was Cameron Diaz's coming out party. Hello. Red dress, the mask.

No one's arguing with that. Number two, being John Malkovich. Yeah. One of the strangest, craziest movies of the 90s and one of my favorites. It's sublimely original. She's in love with John Cusack, who's a puppeteer. He finds a portal where you go into being John Malkovich.

And then she realizes she's a transsexual, and she's attracted to Catherine Keener, and so is Cusack. But she wants to go in the portal and be Malkovich and get with Keener. It's crazy, it's bizarre. At one point, Cusack locks her in a cage with her own chimp. Brilliant performance by Cameron Diaz, very much against type, being John Malkovich. Boy, you really sold that one.

People are running out to watch being John Malkovich now. Malkovich! And number one, like David said, I mean, hair gel has never been the same. We got a blader. There's something about Mary. Iconic performance of Cameron Diaz. Unforgettable. Should have been nominated for an Oscar. Great film. David, why was it absurd that Cameron Diaz would be a owner?

Yeah, David. Because I'm happy you can walk me into that, Roy. And I'm just saying that when Cameron Diaz walks in the room with Al Pacino and tries to exert what is normally the power play between an owner and a coach, she did not have the gravitas that is required. When Amy Adams walks into a room as the owner of the I was going to say the Oilers, but it's going to be the Titans. That is a room that she commands. To me, Cameron Diaz did not command a room.

I couldn't disagree more. Guys, I got my version of the list real quick here. My OLI is, oh no, it's my number five. I got straight to number five. I was so confused. I thought Amy Adams, the actress, owned one of these teams now, and then I was trying to figure out

what movie we're talking about, and then I realized Amy Adams is a business person and an actress. Oh, me too. I thought she was the owner of that movie with Kevin Costner with the Browns or something. We all went there. And then I was trying to figure out what movie we're talking about and then I realized Amy Adams is a business Oh Like that movie with Kevin Costner with the Browns we all went there I thought he was like 90% of people thought we were talking with the like Trump All right here we go by number five. I can't believe you guys didn't mention this one bad teacher I like that movie that's Justin Timberlake. That's the only argument you have that's all the argument you need Sean number four being John Malkovich.

Nice. Number three, The Mask. Yes. Number two, Gangs of New York, She Did an Accent. And number one, it's not Shrek, it's Shrek 2, better movie. Ooh, no, no. Way better movie. Not even close.

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Don LeBretard. Oh, I like firing people. So I take the opportunity to fire whenever I possibly can because I can use it as a learning experience for them and try to help them out and try to point out what they did wrong. But in this case, the employee was enough levels below where I was that I did not do the firing, but I had it done within moments of discovery.

I'm just like firing people. It's just absurd. It's absurd. Stugats. I'm talking about people who I fire who deserve it, who have done something that actively requires me to fire them. It is my unadulterated pleasure to do so. This is the Don LeBattar Show with the Stugats.

I'm forever fascinated by the ability of people to get out of things they don't want to do at work. Whether it's Stu Gotts and his LaCrosse Mitzvahs, or Stu Gotts and his Dead Tours, or Stu Gotts and the... WFAN. Yeah, they've got to go up to New York. Well, it's just the idea that I'm going to do whatever it takes to legitimize the reason

why I just don't wanna do this. Brandon Ayuk, you sir are a prince among us. Hold out, this offer is insulting, you guys need to trade me somewhere else, trade talks with other teams. And then yesterday the news comes out, signs a new deal for exactly the same money that they offered at the beginning of this whole shit. And so.

How'd he play? It has to be that, right? It can't be like he overvalued himself and then realized, wow, whatever, and now comes back with hat in hand. It is just, I didn't wanna do training camp. It's not like he's an older guy though, or like a lineman, he's banging it.

I feel like, is training camp that crazy for wide receivers? Yes, man, you think training camp is easy? I think of more older players that are like, man, I just wanna get out of training camp. It seems like he wanted to get money and there was maybe not the market that he thought. No, no, no, no. Nobody likes doing training camp.

Maybe your first one, you're excited, you're a rookie, but he's been around long enough, I know it. I know what we're doing, guys. I know what we're doing. I don't want to do any of this. Based on the reports, it seemed like there was never really much back and forth also.

It didn't seem like either side, from what I read, really had a plan. It was just like, here's the deal, and then it's like, well, I don't want that, and then it was just a lot of nothing happening, and then there was maybe attempts at trade, and they're like, nah, we don't like that, and I'm like, okay, and then everyone's just waiting around

because no one really had something else that they wanted to ask for whatever, and then they came back and like, so you want this? And they're like, okay. And have you ever had this one, like someone, hey, what do you want to get to eat? And it's a big, I don't know.

I don't know. That, and then you say something like, no, no, not that. You say something else, and no, no, not that. Do you have a suggestion? No, not really. And so we just sit around, we're doing this thing, and then finally like, hey, you want to go to the, after the first thing I said, like, all right, fine. And it's like, what did we're doing this thing, and then finally like, hey, you wanna go to the, after the first thing I said, like, alright, fine.

And it's like, what'd we do all this for? We coulda been went. We coulda been done this. And in Brendan and Eugen's case, I feel like, eh, he just didn't wanna do that. He didn't wanna do the Hic. He didn't wanna do Cam. My dad, inexplicably, anytime, he has like, he hates that.

Like, get into the car, where do you guys wanna go? He, for some reason, calls that Who Shot John. Instead of Who Shot JR? He's just like, why are we playing Who Shot John? Is he trying to do Who Shot JR on that? I don't know, I actually just looked it up, because I was like, I hope this isn't like an offensive reference that my dad does,

but it isn't, like nothing on the internet popped up. Well, Who Shot JR was a big deal in the 80s. Maybe, so like it was like, who do you think did it? I don't know, who do you think did it? But that was, that's like, so there was a television show in the 80s called Dallas, it was like a nighttime soap opera kind of drama or whatever. And one of the seasons they ended with like, the main character was a real son of a bitch named JR.

He gets shot and it was a big question like, who shot him? And so everyone all summer long went crazy trying to figure out who shot JR. And then it turned out it was like. I could call my dad and ask him, but that might not have a good payoff. And then the Simpsons did a parody of that with Mr. Burns.

Yes. He's always like, just like, can we not play who shot John? It's like, why are you calling it that? I'm 98% sure. I think he's saying it wrong. He's saying it wrong. He's not making a reference or creating his own thing.

He's saying that one wrong. It's like, I don't know what I want but I know what I don't want. Call him. I think we call him. That's the thing. It's like, I know I don't want Outback. I know I don't want Chili's. I just don't know what I want like I know I don't want out back I know I don't want chilies. I just don't know what I want, but I know I don't want those

But then you end up going out back. Yeah, and yeah, you know what I like the bread and you have a ball All right, that's that's the part that mine. Oh, we got we're getting Greg on the line here. Hey dad. You're on the main show I'm driving. Okay. He's headed down to Key West by the way, you know classic great. We can putting his business out there Uh, yeah, I guess maybe I shouldn't have done that anyways dad Why do you when we're in a car looking for a restaurant and you're like, why is it called? Who shot John that game of what are you want to eat? If you Google a phrase, I don't know whether it even applies, but in the context I use it. No, we know the context.

I set that part up, yeah. Greg. Yeah, so I don't know the answer. It's just one of those catches catch can. Who knows where that comes from? That kind of thing? Greg, this is a mean. I just want to know, is it?

And you know it. Thank you. Greg, is it because you're messing up who shot JR? No, it's a phrase. I don't know. Thank you, Greg is it because you're messing up who shot Jr I don't know Jr. I think predates Came after me saying oh wow Okay, good work. Thanks Greg. Nice having you. Yeah. That's that ladies and gentlemen is content.

So we got, this will be a great nominee for best story next year, right? That Greg Cody asserts that he is the inventor of the term who shot blank. And the show Dallas stole that from him. And Biggie stole it after that checks out. And the Simpsons stole it after. And the Simpsons.

Yeah, I like it. It's a great story. But let's listen to the best stories of the last year. It's the SUI nominees for best story. Oh man. All right, stall, stall. Stall. John has multiple meetings.

Is it buffering? It says here on the internet, according to Google AI, did I stall long enough for you? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. And now the SUI nominees for best story. Amin Elhassan gets recognized by a fan. Cars are whizzing past. I got to make sure that John Reed doesn't get hit by a car because he's filming me walking backward across the street. And I'm really worried about this, right? Chris says, Hey, I mean, you can come back now. I said, I know I've been walking this whole time,

walking back to the Elstor, that's how far this thing was. But that's not the worst part. The worst part is at one of these intersections where I'm waiting for these cars to go by so I can cross the street, a car comes down, and as it's coming by, I see them roll their windows down, and the person driving leans over to the passenger side to the side where I'm at. Starts waving and says,

BOMANI! Oh no. Pablo Torre misses Messi's first goal for Inter Miami because he was eating chicken fingers. You miss Messi's first goal. For a chicken tender. Ah, chicken tender. On my badge it said field sweet. And I said to myself, I'm a veteran of this game.

There's gonna be stuff there. And I get there and I don't eat it. And I go outside to see the beginning of the game. I tell Chris, Chris, when you break in the seal, Chris informs me he already broke his seal. He's already eaten. And at that point I'm like. It was an awkward thing where there weren't

a lot of people eating No one was eating their feeling of like can I or can't I was eating because the match had started in no way Is Leo Messi just gonna come out here and immediately score another? Goddamn goal of course I would have enough time to grab a chicken tender because I hosted four hours of goddamn radio today and haven't eaten and instead What I witnessed through the glass, smudged by the 100 degree humidity, is a scene unfolding and then I burst through the door and saw Chris Cody already with his phone out, pointed at me, laughing at the fact that I had missed actual history. Billy Gill's TSA story.

So I'm going through like TSA pre-check, right? And, you know, the stuff goes through the x-ray machine, you know how sometimes it goes off on like a different thing and they have to start like looking through it. So this bag goes off on a different side and I'm like getting my stuff, minding my own business, whatever. And then the TSA agent is going to check the bag, like, who's bag is this? Whose bag is this? Whatever, right?

And then a woman's like, oh, it's mine. And he looks at her with a straight face and he goes, are you a child trafficker? And she goes no and I'm like I'm like taking a back because I'm like hold on like it's been a wild answer No, cuz I'm like who would say yes. He's like, are you a child trafficker? And I was like, oh my god I'm in my head. I'm like, it's like did a kid show up on that X-ray? Like what why would you ask that question? And then he looks at her and he looks at her stomach and he goes, you sure? And then it was because she was pregnant. She goes, oh yeah, I'm expecting blah, blah, blah.

But that's how he asked her. Are you a child trafficker? And then went like this when she said, no, he goes. He was like, that's what a child trafficker would say. That's what's worse than a dad joke. The wildest joke ever. Ron McGill's gorilla sting. We worked with the US Drug Enforcement Agency

to actually do a sting operation on a guy by putting a guy in a gorilla suit. We put him in a cage. We put him in a gorilla cage because this guy was trying to buy a gorilla illegally. And he came to one of us at the zoo. And we, of course, notified the authorities. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no We put a bunch of gorilla poop in with this guy So it's stuck like a grill and everything and yes as soon as the guy came gave the money exchange to the agent The guy the girl's suit open occasion. They arrested the guy David Sampson clogged a stranger's toilet during a marathon

What's the oddest place you've pooped while running a marathon? It was right before the New York Marathon and Where you are staged is a army base. And I actually went into someone's house who was in the army. It was a veteran? Oh my God. No, no, an active army general. What are you doing? Well, thank you for your service.

Thank you for your service. What it means. Lucy, you're mortified. And it ended up clogging and it flooded and I ran. I didn't leave a note. And I think about it to this day, that poor person coming back after volunteering for the New York Marathon and what I left that person with.

He comes home. Who shit in my toilet? He's right, who shit in my toilet? What communist? Who shit in my toilet? Here's a little nugget, Dan. I chose the master bathroom. Oh my God.

Because it's comfortable. Because it was nicer. What do you mean why? You were scoping out the bathroom to the general's house? This is an uncommon horror. Roy Bellamy's hit and run on Billy Gill's car. Didn't you clip Billy's car once? He did hit my car.

What? It's worse than that. I was borrowing my mother-in-law's car and he crashed into it leaving the garage. Yeah, because somebody had turned short and I was forced to go to the other side. So it was their fault? It just happened to be your car? He also tried to leave the garage and was at the bottom of the ramp and I'm like, hey, what are we doing here?

He just crashed into me. I didn't try to leave. He was all the way at the bottom of the ramp. And I was parked at the top of the ramp. The bottom of the ramp? Yeah, I never park on the corners anymore floors cuz we're crushed into me Taylor Vipalos totaled his car. I forgot to put the car in park it rolled off a cliff Is that why you scoot it rolled off a cliff? Yeah, wait, I was on top of my driveway I lived on like a cliff type setting and I went to my trunk to get my gym bag.

He lived on a hill. It was more of a cliff. He doesn't like it. Nobody lives on a cliff. You live on a hill. Some people live on an ex cliff. So I put the car in park or so I thought and I went to the trunk to get my gym bag and then as I'm going I could feel the car back. And my foot's already, we're already out of the car.

And there was like a little wooden beam that protected this cliff or this hill. And I was like, okay, the car is just gonna hit the wooden beam, take a little dent. And as I'm thinking that, the car just goes straight through. Hold on a second. And rolls off onto the street. You're saying this so casually.

Yeah, the car got totaled. It rolled off onto a street, like off the side of a cliff onto the street. Did it hit anything? No, it didn't hit anything, but everybody was driving by and they were like, why is there a car upside down on the road? Everybody's calling my parents. I'm trying to call them. My mom was like at like a nail appointment and she got her nail appointment finished and she saw she had like 20 missed calls and I was like, hey, I'm okay You have that's how you have that's how you start a conversation

I'm okay, but the cars done Charlotte Wilder and Jessica Smatana's bizarre first word We have a fun fact about first words Jess and I have the same first word and it's really strange one two three back. Oh Yeah, like an excavator. Yeah, that was both of our first words. It's an strange. One, two, three, backhoe. Backhoe? Yeah, like an excavator. Yeah, that was both of our first words. It's an odd first word. Wow. Backhoe?

Darla and I found out about our first words in one of the strangest ways possible because we are a few years apart in age. Didn't grow up in the same region of the country. Never knew each other until our first job together at SB Nation and we were typing in Slack, having a Slack conversation across the office and someone brought up first words and at the same time we both typed into Slack, my first word was backhoe and it was so spooky.

We both stood up. We were on the opposite side of the office. I'm in shock. We didn't know each other Brad penny's bat boy milk story. It was just a bet And we said we give you it was me. Actually. I said nick will give you 500 bucks If you can drink this milk And keep it down for an hour and I mean it took him to the very last minute to get it down and

I mean, it was hilarious. It was like a stream. I can't even explain to you how hard he threw up. Please try. I mean I can't. It was a good... What kind of exit velocity are we talking on? Oh, big time. Big time. I mean, I've never seen anything like it unless it was on like the Exorcist movie. Yeah, Lodge Angle.

How many heaves? This was unbelievable. How many heaves? Was it two, three heaves? Well, it's just one long string. Whoa! Dude, we thought he would die. He could have died.

Just on a side note, never mentioned before is the fact that he could have died. I know this, I know. You were so concerned about that kid dying, you fired him. Exactly right. Greg Cody struggles to drive in Ireland. Keep in mind, I'm driving on the wrong side of the car, on the wrong side of the road.

So I'm not used to the... It's really discombobulating me. It took days to adjust to the fact that I'm doing the opposite of what we get in the States. And so I want to hug the left side so that I don't head on somebody. And my wife must have said a thousand times Greg move over you're about to hit a wall. You're about to hit a curb Greg move over move over In and it is so annoying You were One wall

Thank you not even 1% now I hit a bunch of bushes It's one wall. That's pretty good. How many did you pass? A hundred. Exactly. There you go. Thank you. Not even one percent. Now I hit a bunch of bushes though. They have a wall of bushes. And so yeah, and you're driving and you hear the car go, thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap. Because it's hitting all these bushes.

Didn't you clip something in a parking garage too? Yeah. We had a minor mishap in a parking garage. Minor. Jessica's dad almost died in a plane crash. When I was a baby my dad was supposed to be on a flight from Chicago to Pittsburgh that crashed and everyone on board died. It was one of the last major commercial airline flight crashes in the United States. But he either changed his flight

at the last second or didn't make it on the flight. Ended up on a different flight but my family didn't know that he wasn't on the plane so we all thought that he died. What? Yeah and then lo and behold we were in Pittsburgh and he was just he showed up at my grandparents house and that's how we found out that he didn't make it on the plane. Were you guys sobbing? Before cell phones yeah my mom was like shit my mom was like oh I have two babies what am I gonna do yeah everyone was freaking out everyone was calling my grandparents like is Mark. Okay. And they were like, we don't think so, but they didn't have cell phones. They didn't have like a final flight manifest ready until like hours later.

So yeah, my family all just thought he was on the plane. Diana Rusini's son makes an odd request. My fear is what my son did the other day, which he took my phone and charged. So you know how an Apple pay, you can charge people and give them money and ask them for money? They charged a very, very respected general manager in the NFL $50 at five o'clock in the morning. That's great.

Ethics, Riley. That's great. In which that she had, and this is why I will fight for the chance the day I die. Wrote back to me, Hey, is everything okay? Do you need money? What did Belichick say? What did Belichick say? Is everything okay?

He's going to fall for a scam and then Venmo you $50 because he thinks someone's abducted you at 5 o'clock in the morning. Our first thought was like, whatever you need to die, I didn't know it was that bad. You checked out a roster move I made the other day. We went to the last day to say thank you. What was our, do you think we're probably one of cutting this guy? And then like three days later,

it's a $50 charge at five o'clock in the morning. Like it's hard. And I said, so sorry, that was Mikey. And he's like, he brought it back. He's like, is he all right? And Mike was fine. He's too, he doesn't even say no. Chris mad dog Russo took too many gummies.

Have you ever taken too many gummies, doggy? You just- Oh, yeah, I sure have. Steve Torrey the Dope gave me his share. He must be an elephant, but he gave me his. Last year, coming back from the Super Bowl, it hit me when I was about to eat a sandwich, and I was about to open up the cabin and fly away.

Thank God I fell asleep. That was a weird one. Cut him in half Steve for frying out loud. He gave me a full one and I was in la la land. I took a nap. Thank God I fell asleep. They were out of sandwiches. I ate about nine billion Oreo cookies. Double stuff. You got it right. I know Steve Torrey. I work with a serious ex-husband. I had no idea he was an edible guy. How about that?

Strong ones too. Strong ones. Cut him in half. He's like an elephant. Cut him in half! He's like an elephant. Look at my terrible fake doggy. Oh, we had the appetizer last week, but now it's time to feast. College football is back. Don't miss any of the action.

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the crown is yours. On behalf of Boothill Casino and Resorting Kansas, 21 and over, age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co.ftball. Don Lebatard. Cheaters never prosper. Stugats.

I ain't cheatin'. This is the Don Lebatardar Show with the StuGards. Some highlights. Jessica Smetana's mom's reaction to thinking her dad is dead. I got crap. I got two kids. Yeah. And not like, oh my God, the love of my life. I was like, ah, shit, I got to do this shit now. Also, the disgust in Mike Wentz's voice. Shit, I gotta do this shit now also the The disgust in Mike Wentz is voice. He was he was the star of the entire suey nomination It's not even his story. It's and it's yeah, it's nobody lives. Nobody lives on a cliff you live on a hill

It's not gonna win best story because it's you know story car rolling down a hill nobody lives nobody lives on a cliff you live on a hill But that might be best dismissal that you live on a hill That is a great this I saw photos of said Situation and it's more that there was there's a cliff aspect to this hill like It's not just like it went rolling down and it hit something it like it made a jump off the side of something Onto something else but like is maybe I if I remember the photo correctly There's maybe like an eight to ten foot fall

But like it did roll off and then it fell onto something else nobody lives Nobody lives on a cliff you live on a hill the reminds me of that You know when you're like you live on a hill part is so dismissive when you're in a friend group And there's one of the guys you don't really like that much And then he's telling a story or whatever and then all the sudden that falls Nobody lives nobody lives on a cliff you live on a hill nobody but is the friend that we don't like Taylor or Fuentes Taylor Fuentes doesn't like Taylor in the front group nobody lives on a effing cliff because in my mind I just thought about is he starts story like my car rolled off a cliff

My house is on a cliff. I was thinking about like the mission impossible cliff that Tom Cruise motorcycles off. Yeah I just thought of a house and then like on the backside is this clip and then as he's describing It sounds more like a hill and then what Fuentes comes in and says, and says. He wants you to play the clip again. I was actually grabbing Taylor, because Taylor's setup of where he lives is awkward in Mike Fuentes' defense. On top of my driveway, I lived on a cliff type setting.

A cliff type setting. That says something wrong with that. I thought of Mission Impossible. The other thing that I thought was... Look, I don't wanna taint the voting process. I thought of Mission Impossible. The other thing that I thought was, look, I don't wanna taint the voting process. Billy, I think you might have best story, man. I think you might have best story. The child trafficking.

I forgot that story. When I heard it, I was like, this is an adventure, what happened here? I think the craziest part is the risk of that joke. Like, on many levels, like there's the child trafficking risk, and then there's also like the risk of, joke. Like on many levels. Like there's the child trafficking risk, and then there's also like the risk of, what if this person isn't pregnant?

Because thinking back, I now remember, not very clearly showing. Like not 100% certain. It must have been a situation where like they said, like oh you can't go through the x-ray or something, right? Isn't that a thing? But there is no x-ray. That's not the swirly thing.

You can go through that if you're pregnant. I don't know. But like, the other part of this is, what if she wasn't pregnant? That's what I'm saying. That's a risk. No, no. What if she wasn't pregnant and she's actually a child trafficker? I think you have to say yes, right?

It's like if you ask a cop, are you a cop? They have to say yes. Yes would have been a wild answer. She's just like, yeah, actually, how'd you know? Like imagine her, child trafficker. She's like, okay, all I gotta do is get through this security and we're home free. And the guy's, boop, ma'am.

Call her your lady. See, that's one of those dangerous jokes that in a different setting, you could take to another level, right? Like if you're her and he says, are you a child trafficker? If she wanted to take the joke to another level, not at TSA, not at an airport, she just dropped her bag and run for it.

Yeah, yeah. Like me in Vegas when security came because we spilled water on the ground. No, but I'm just thinking. What? Oh yeah. You were here, isn't it? It's kinda like in Superbad

when he's looking at McLovin's fake IDs, like huh, you're an organ donor I just I just love the idea of her child trafficker going. Okay. I gotta get to get home free whatever Ma'am, and he's like, are you a child trafficker like oh shit. He got me and like start sweating bullets and and then he says pregnant right Yes, of course yes I am. And she gets through. Super pregnant, yeah.

She gets through and then she goes on her life of child trafficking. Cause nobody lives on a cliff, you live on a hill. You live on a hill. The venom in that cliff is amazing. Cause nobody lives on a cliff, you live on a hill. I was laughing out loud last night going through the final and it just that point does That's a drop man. Nobody lives nobody lives on a cliff you live on a hill you live in a hill oh

Man you know so unnecessary There's a little yeah, there's an extra Final straw for some reason nobody lives nobody lives on a cliff you live on a hill Taylor hasn't been back on mr Creighton's I could see him through the window also defending this take of his Mike Fuentes nobody lives Nobody lives on a cliff you live on a hill with a big smile to I can see him. That means he did it You see you know you know he's lying. You know so speaking of living on a hill There's someone who's gonna be able to buy a very nice house on the hill,

even though there are no hills in Miami. It's Mike McDaniel. You guys see the news? Little, little extension there. Prrring. Ah, the NFL news, Dan-o, it never stops, according to Jeff Darlington, breaking news. There we go. The NFL news never stops, Dan never stops. According to Jeff Darlington breaking news. There we go.

The NFL doesn't ever stop Dan. Oh, according to Jeff Darlington, Dolphins coach Mike McDaniel has signed a new contract that extends him through the 2028 season. So a nice little four year extension for the boy. I hope that no one reacts to this story for Darlington. And then we interview Mike McDaniel in a few weeks and he talks about it and then it goes viral.

Oh my God. And then Darlington's mad at us again That would be awesome. That would be so incredible. That's not the only extension in the news You guys see about Steph Curry also one year one year 61 should I get to the whiteboards? Love it. Love it. What do they mean by that? What does it mean? Well, it means that Jeremy's wet dream has to defer another year at least Was this like an extension for next season or just a year added to his contract?

So, a nothing burger. Have you seen Steph Curry as a show on Peacock? Dude, I hear it's good. Really? I was like- I saw the commercial for it and I was like, yeah. I was so skeptical and then a couple of my buddies watched it and were like, yo, it's actually like not bad.

How is he on? Ass on, ass off. He's ass on but everybody else is a very funny actor. So like everybody else carries the show and then he's just the one guy who can't act. But it's fine because they carry it comedically. But he also like acts like an exaggerated version of Steph Curry.

You know what I mean? Like he just gives a guy a car. He's like, you know, your daughter wants a birthday? All right, let's try to keep it under nine figures. Yeah, he plays an exaggerated version of himself and it's about his buddy that he went to college with or high school with? High school with, well not even,

I guess like based on the age, elementary school. A quick spoiler situation. You watched this? I'm like two episodes in, so I can give you like the premise of the situation. So he has a friend who was like the greatest player of all time. They were 12 year olds.

Oh my God, this guy had a future. This is the best thing ever. He was so good, so much better than all the other players. He was so much bigger than all the other players. Steph was 12 and Danny was the best player he had ever seen. And then we find out Danny's dad lied about Danny's age. Danny was two years older than everyone else.

And then there was scandal and Danny's life was falling. Like another Danny's age. Danny was two years older than everyone else, and then there was scandal, and Danny's life has fallen. Like another Danny. Yeah, Danny, yeah. And Danny's life has kind of fallen on hard times and fallen off since, and then there's a situation where he needs a little bit of help, and he decides, you know what, let me get close to my old friend, Steph Curry,

but we're also kind of, there's now false pretence of situations going on here. And Steph is being a kind-hearted friend because he thinks that there's one situation going on when it's really another situation. It's like Fred Klaus, you ever watch that movie? It's just like Fred Klaus. I've gotten a bit of an update here. It looks like a cliff to me.

If everybody can check their phone, Taylor just sent us a picture of what it looks like Well, let's let's do this. Can we get it's very it's I know we only have a little bit of time left But Lewis can we get this and why did he send it to us? He should have sent it to video team and that his job also very carefully not about the address That's visible in this picture not a cliff by the way Yeah, there's rock not a cliff like setting, that's what he said. There's multiple layers of this cliff.

Dude, this is not what I had in mind. Nice house. Nobody lives on a f***ing cliff, you live on a hill. He lives on a hill. I thought like, I literally thought it was like high, high above the roadway. Nobody lives on a f***ing cliff, you live on a hill.

This is not a cliff cliff like setting nobody lives on a cliff You live on a hill covers in there like setting. Yeah, this is a hill. This is the hill. It's just yeah You fall off the side of a hill that has a ramp. That's a cliff Bluff to call this a cliff is like calling any stairway a cliff But it's just stairs nobody lives on a cliff you live on a hillway a cliff. Right, it's just stairs. Nobody lives on a f***ing cliff, you live on a hill. It's giant stairs, but it's stairs nonetheless. Cliff Floyd.

Cliff Floyd. Ha ha. Howdy listeners, it's Mike Ryan. The Dan LeBattard Show started September 1st, 2004. It's a long time ago, 20 years in fact. A lot has changed over that 20 years. But for most of that 20 years, we've had Miller Lite on board as a proud partner. And even though, like I said, so much has changed,

our show has changed, where we've been, where we air our priorities, they've all changed. One thing that hasn't? The dependable taste of Miller Lite. What's the best thing about the original light beer? Miller Lite sparked this debate way back in 1975 and we still haven't settled it. For me, it's undebatable. The quality. Great taste. Only 96 calories. It's a beer that strips away everything that you don't need and holds on to what matters most. You don't have to choose what you like best about Miller Lite. Miller Lite has great taste and is less filling. Tastes like Miller time. To get Miller Lite delivered right to your door, visit MillerLite.com slash Stan, or you can find it pretty much anywhere that sells beer. Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories per 12 ounces, fewer cows and carbs, and premium regular beer.