The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Suey Awards: Best Limited Fake | Hour 3

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

"Flipping tires." The show is giving away free gas tomorrow along with DraftKings. No, seriously. Plus, Mike is ready for a day with a RIDICULOUS lineup for The Hurricade, the crew debates the merits of a Minor League Football feeder system, and a loaded Suey category as we finally get to Best Limited Fake. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's one of my favorite times. There's that point in every summer where I start convincing myself, I'm going to be normal about football this year. Not as emotional. Not lose myself completely in it. And then the game start. The sprinklers. The smell of grass.

The roar of the crowd. The toasting of Miller Light. Ah, that right there, my friends. That's my favorite part about all of this because making football time is great. Making football time a Miller time. That's special. Some of my favorite weekends are built around football. getting everybody together, putting the college games on on Saturday,

come back for the NFL on Sunday, order way too much food, and crack open Miller Lights for me and my friends. That's a perfect weekend for me. And Miller Light is a beer I reach for every time because it's crisp, refreshing, and easy to drink, especially when football starts. When it's still somehow down here, 90 degrees of Miami,

it's a true American Pilsner that cools a body down the original light beer since 1975 and just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. legendary game days start with a Miller light make game day legendary go to millerlight.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller light pretty much anywhere they sell beer game time is Miller time

celebrate responsibly Miller brewing company Milwaukee Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces Wayfair's Labor Day clearance is on now right now at Wayfair you can get up to 70% off everything home shop Wayfair's Labor Day clearance now through September 7th at Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. You are listening to the Dan Levitar show,

in partnership with the Draft King's Sports Act, now live in all 50 states. Tomorrow, September 2nd, is Draft King's Game Day. Guys, I'm super pumped about this. There are so many things that we've had to keep secret over the last few days, so many awesome things.

Draft Kings and Draft King's sports have planned for you tomorrow. Draft King Sports is celebrating football season with free gas in Atlanta, Dallas, Detroit, Los Angeles, and the 305 Miami, plus new offers and promotions throughout the day. Download the Draft King Sports app now, so you're ready. Use code Dane when you sign up. Draft King Sports is live in all 50 states in partnership with Draft Kings. The Crown is yours, and tomorrow our show is celebrating DK Game Day in a 50. very big and bold way. Oh yeah.

We're broadcasting live from a gas station in Miami to bring you the show Olympics. Zaz represents a levitart show, 10-day Tony represents mystery crate, Matthew Coco represents nothing personal with David Samson. They will compete in a tire toss, a perfect pump challenge and a windshield wash relay. And fans, you hear in my voice right now, you can follow along and make picks in a free-to-play contest on the Traffking Sports app right now. Go ahead and do it. We put the link out on our socials. You can help decide with your voice, who you think is going to win the show Olympics. So Zazzo, are you going to be all show tomorrow at a gas station flipping tires? Do you know how it is

that this whole thing works? And we're giving away free gas? Like what other details can we give people so they can prepare for the idea that they need to get? get to a gas station. What time are we going to tell people where the free gas is? Dan, as you can imagine, I don't know if you picked up a newspaper lately, but gas in this economy is a great giveaway. So some of these things have to maintain a level of secrecy so you don't have an entire circus out there. Also, at no point did I say Zaz was going to be flipping tires. That was not in here. It'd be so hard to flip tires. For an entire show? So hard. That's not one of the show Olympic categories. No, no, no, a tire toss. Yeah. Yeah. He'll be throwing a football through

tires. Right through that hole. The way that sexually suggestive boner pill ads do. Are you going to be out on the street all show tomorrow from a gas station? I thought this liner was very easy to follow. We are going to be broadcasting live. I'll answer it. Yes. From the gas station that Draft King Sports is giving away free gas at. We are going to use this as a sandbox. We are going to use this as a sandbox to promote our incredible partners, Draft King's giving stuff away. I'm going to be doing all kinds of activities. And Zaz is going to be flipping tires all show just to make you happy because now we have to do that.

So we've got a couple of things over the next couple of weeks that I want to inform the audience on, and especially if you are folks who watch the show on YouTube. As I've told you guys before, we are on now in more places than we've ever been. It's not just the Draft Kings Network. It's not just Samsung TV Plus or the Roku channel or Vizio Watch Free Plus. It's not just DraftKingsnetwork.com. It's also Peacock and NBC Sports Now. And if you're doing it via podcast, it's Apple, it's Spotify, it's Amazon Music.

It's also, as a radio show, Sirius XM Channel 85. But what we're doing over the next few weeks on the YouTube channel specifically, today, from 1 o'clock till 6 o'clock commercial free if you're a Miami fan and you want to get excited about a very exciting college football season. And I think I can say this flatly. This is the most exciting expectation and the opposite of the Miami Dolphin season. It's the most exciting expectation for a Miami hurricane season this century. I feel like I can say that maybe 2001 is, if not this sense, in the last 25 years, the last quarter century.

This is a season of great expectation for the University of Miami. And from one to six, this venture that Mike Ryan has gotten off the ground over the last couple of years with a lot of help. Cain's Insight is going to be doing live programming on our YouTube channel and of course where it is you can get Cainsinsinsight.com and on YouTube wherever it is that you find these things. But also next week, we're going to have programming that is more than just our show. David Sampson's show is going to start at 7 o'clock in the morning to lead into our show,

and we're also going to have programming after that as well after our show next week as we try to expand a little bit the vibrancy of your mornings here and connect some things within our network that we've been working for five years to connect. So next week is going to have as we head into football season starting in earnest is going to have a bit of a blossoming here where you're going to be able to get more live stuff over more hours just on our YouTube channel if you're somebody who follows us that way. Yeah, and if you have YouTube TV NBC Sports sprouted recently a 24-7 sports channel, the old NBC Sports Network that is alive on YouTube TV and our show re-airs there. Thank you for the opportunity today on our YouTube channel. I know you mentioned it's for

diehard Miami Hurricanes fans. It absolutely is every year we do Hurricane, but there are big-time national college football voices. I would venture to say the biggest national college football voices are going to be joining our show. My favorite analyst in all of the sport, Greg McElroy, he's joining us at 2. Then at 2.30, a great hurricane. One of my dear friends, Kevin Clark, is going to be joining us with David Lake, who is one of the best information guys in the business when it comes to the Miami Hurricanes. Then Bruce Feldman is joining us, The Bear in Stanford Sea preview this upcoming week one matchup.

Josh Pate at 4 o'clock. Brett McMurphy, Linda Fletcher, Mark Fletcher, Mark Fletcher's. mom who famously drives to every game that the Miami Hurricanes feature in, in her RV now that was gifted to her by Michael. She driving Friday nights? She's already on her way. So Linda Fletcher, who's an incredible mother, raised a tremendous young man. She'll be joining us and plenty of surprises that are also embargoed that I cannot share.

You were not here yesterday when I suggested too much outrage because that's what happens when you go against the norm, that we do away with all of the silly superficial packaging and just officially take college football and just make it minor league football, not just in name, but in actuality, by removing the eligibility requirements that the toothless NCAA insists on enforcing, even though the NCAA can no longer actually enforce its rules and get competitive labor salaries in a place where somebody who finishes college and can't quite make it to the NFL still has an ability to earn a living because you allow players to stick around for eight and nine years and do away with the idea that

education is mandatory or classroom students is mandatory. The illusion, really, the falsehood. I'm not saying that kids don't get college educations. And I'm also not saying that college education is not important, although it's less important than it's ever been now that people can cheat their way. through college football by just using AI. And now that the professors are using AI, so they don't have to actually read your papers.

Like, college has never been worth less than it is now. And I'm saying that because Zaslow, and I don't know the percentages on this. You mean just in terms of value, because, yes, college has gotten a lot more expensive over the years. Yeah, but I don't mean in terms of what it costs. I mean in terms of the value to people, given that you can now cheat your way through college

by just having computers do your work for you. Or you can learn the skills necessary to adapt to an ever-changing workplace. Yeah, and unfortunately, the degree has never been more necessary to get a job. So while you're learning less than ever, you also need that degree more than ever. It's a really great time to be a young person in America. It's all a cartel. Anybody that's still paying off student debt will tell you that these things are super expensive and the fact that they do get an education for a certain monetary value is important,

and I still think it should be offered. and I don't think you're disagreeing with that. Every business wants to be ahead of the competition, but with AI moving, as fast as it is, keeping up can feel like a full-time job. They say every day your business is late to AI, you fall two days behind. So how are you going to catch up?

That's where NetSuite Next comes in. NetSuite, the AI Powered Business Management Suite, is trusted by more than 44,000 customers that securely connects your financials, inventory, commerce, HR, and CRM into one source of truth. Now, NetSuite Next brings AI directly, into the way you work. It automatically surfaces custom insights

throughout your day. AI agents work alongside you to solve problems and take routine work off your plate. And when you have a question, you can simply ask like you're just talking to a colleague. NetSuite is customized for a wide range of industries so it supports the way that your business truly works. Whether your company earns millions or even hundreds of millions,

it's time for NetSuite Next, where your business meets AI. For the first time ever, you could try NetSuite Next for free. If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, go to net suite.AI slash dLB. Built for every industry ready for every boardroom.

NetSuite. dot AI slash delb. Dan Lebatar. John, can you rate my Al Pacino from that billiard scene in Carlito's way if I do it for you? I think it's pretty good.

Yeah. Jonathan Sassel. You think you're big time? But you're going to die. Big time. It is on my infamous scale of one to ten. That's a 7.6.

Solid. Good job, Dad. That's a sui nominee right there. This is the Dan Levitati show. I am not disagreeing with it. This is my premise, and I want you guys to think about this for a second. Because, speaking of cartels, what I mentioned yesterday is the NFL has an obvious monopoly. They are the most lucrative sports league in the history of Earth, more than $20 billion.

a year. And they get their minor leagues for free because college football is that. So they don't have to do what basketball has to do with the G League. They don't have to do what baseball has to do with the minor leagues. And I'm somebody who wants employees to be paid the most that they can be paid in competitive work spaces. When I tell you that this NFL season says there are going to be players all over the NFL making a great deal less than certain college players. When I tell you that if a player finishes college after five years

and doesn't make the NFL, that player doesn't have a way to earn money anywhere but in Europe where the salaries are abysmal on what it is you have to do to play professional football in Europe, you essentially have people who aren't quite good enough to get to the pros, fail to make the Browns, and now Lane Kiffin tries to make him, make them your tight end.

And what happens is the courts are involved, and the SEC and the Big Ten get real precious about protecting their powers on stuff, but all of them are protecting what are antiquated rules when I present to you as the fact, not the opinion, and the absurdity of the fact that all over college football, there will be players paid more than professional. are played to start NFL games this season. That's going to happen all over the league.

Once you've allowed that as the insanity of what it is that you're doing, you no longer have to play by the previous rules of pretending that the books or the classes matter. I understand that people are precious about this, but what's wrong with my idea of just make the college programs full-blown minor league professional franchises that have to run on professional budgets and are trying to get the best players, even if that player is in his eighth year of college, because that's the tight end you want.

He wasn't quite good enough to make the pros, but he's better than any of the kids you've got coming up that you'd have to develop. Well, the part that I would object to is, it sounds like you don't like how when a player finishes his eligibility at school, and if he's not good enough for the pros, what does he do now?

Well, that's, I mean, that's life. That's the job. That's also the argument for why you still offer college degrees, especially now if they have an opportunity to make money, you have learned the skill sets and background knowledge on finances to do something with that leg up. And if you're going to say, well, let's be realistic about that. Dan, brother, at some point, that's operator error. And the onus falls on these young men to do something with that education that's being offered. I mean, don't you, you aren't made aware that even when you get that scholarship to play football in school, somebody's there telling you this doesn't mean you're going pro after this. Yeah, and I would say what Dan is saying is already here, kind of. Schools operating on professional budgets. Let's stop pretending that this is amateurism. I think we're kind of already there.

But why not keep going is what I'm saying. Once you're already there, why not just keep going? Because I requires collectively bargaining the sport in which they have to come to an agreement with the representative for the labor. And they don't want to do that because I want to keep most of the catch for themselves. And we want to feel the vibes on Saturdays. No, but the vibes will be the same. It'll be different, though. There's a lot that I agree with when it comes to what Dan said.

The NFL has had a free minor league feeder system for decades on end. Now, it is smart business for this league to see how the NCAA fixes this. But if I am government and the government has been trying to inject itself into saving college sports, what I do is I leverage that antitrust agreement that the NFL has to have a monopoly in this. nation and I say you come to the table and you provide some guidance, you provide some foundation here and a pipeline to get to the next level. And if you don't get into the next level, then career opportunities and training programs for people that go through that system and get rejected, whether it be broadcasting, whether it be scouting, front office things. I would

really hold the NFL's feet to the fire and have them help be part of the solution over here. But I would also want the labor to have a seat at the table and they, very, very, very, very clearly want to cut them out. Well, but this is what I'm objecting to, among other things, but you don't get to have a monopoly and a free feeder system and get to keep all the rules the way they already are. When you guys are sitting here and making the argument, well, a guy knows that if he goes to college, he might not make the pros. Yes, the odds are overwhelmingly against you being able to have a more professional career than after your minor league career, just like in baseball, the odds are overwhelmingly against it.

But here's the thing, though, Zaslo, when you say, well, you can get your degree in something, or you got your degree in something else, and you can stop playing football. If you go to college and you study engineering, yeah, you've got a number of different places where you can work. Not one. Not one. You don't have to become a plumber after that because you've got one option. In football, you have one real option to keep your career.

Going. What if you are one of these players who's good enough to make $4 million a year in college, but not good enough to play in the pros? Shouldn't you be able to keep making $4 million if there's a coach out there who still wants you to be his quarterback beyond a fourth year? I mean, I would say no, because you're entering, like you're looking at going to school on a football scholarship is, okay, football is going to be my profession. Okay, fine, but you're entering a territory where, man, really limited opportunities for the job that I'm trying to get into. Yeah. Again, I disregard your hypothetical here.

It's not just football for the people that are going to school on a football scholarship. They have an education. But Mike, they can still do that. I'm not taking away the education from those people. I'm giving all of the people there the rights to get an education. I'm just making it more competitive for the money, which is what sports is. Right, but your take is built on a fallacy because it's not just football. They have a better opportunity to hedge against their career.

I don't. If I'm out of this workforce, I am effed because I put all my eggs in what is taintim out to the football basket. And I got my career while I was in school. I wasn't even able to finish getting my BA degree. So no, they have opportunities that are incredible. The football is supposed to afford them the opportunity to do all these other things. Like a player like Quinn yours, who turned down way more money to return to college, only to go to the pros bet on himself, and it appears that that bet is failing.

He has given himself a leg up already because he made millions in college to do something with his life. He's made unbelievable connections, and he also has a college education to fall back on. It is not this all-in type of proposition for someone like that. But I get what Dan is saying, which is that if you had a situation where there was essentially an unlimited amount of eligibility for these college programs, Quinn Ewers wouldn't have felt the need to bet on himself that way. Like if the Texas Longhorns were the direct minor league program for the Dallas Cowboys, and you could be promoted and demoted as many times as was necessary,

just like in Major League Baseball. But if you were optioned, you know, that fifth time or whatever, now you're a free agent again and some other program could pick you up. You know, if you're J.J. McCarthy, you get sent down to Minnesota to be a gopher for reps to then come back up to the Vikings in that program. Y'all would be really excited about that. The program? Yeah, the program. What's happening with you?

Well, he's got a country album that's coming out on Friday, and I don't want to promote it too much, but he's very eager to promote it. We'll get to that in a second. The accent's not from your part of the country. Wouldn't you like to see, and again, I'm making the example absurd on purpose because we're already at absurd.

I'd like Sarkesian to have to make the decision of whether he wants to have Ewers for an eighth year or whether Archmanning is someone who can take Ewer's job. He did. He did make that decision. But you know what I'm saying. To have it be even more competitive for the dollars and to have it be even more professional than it is because it's already at an unprecedented amount of professional and we're just pretending it's still amateurism. I think your main problem is like everything that you're saying, we're already there.

We're already there. I think the only thing that's missing is the most obvious thing. And it's why there are cartels because they're cutting out the labor force. That's what I'm telling you. I don't like about this. And I just don't know where it is that I can push it to where you're going to find it palatable. Because it's already been pushed to a place that people are not objecting to Zaz. Like, I've been really surprised that college football has not sustained any kind of

of prestige hit, even though it's become a kind of professional that would have been unfathomable as recently as five years ago? I think that there is things that don't cost the NFL a lot of money that they can actually look at, hey, we can get an ROI from this. If you have them help establish some rules and the labor force in colleges far more likely to agree to that if they know that this is the same set of rules that's at the next level. If the NFL comes to the table with things like a job placement program for people that go through the cycle of the league and end up not being able to cut it, then I think that

there is some real good value here. You also probably have to silo it because everything that you're saying, there's probably someone that's over there that is a Title IX person and a non-revenue sports person saying, what do we do for this? Yeah, of course. That's always going to exist. And you've still got a monopoly with a free minor league, and we're going to still keep pretending that all of this is amateur because people like to go on campus on Saturday and remember what it was like at the frat house 35 years ago. Tony, you know that moment at a party or a tailgate where everything just sort of clicks. I know it well. It's usually when I show up. Everybody goes crazy.

Yeah, you usually take all the credit for it, but it's because Tony usually walks in with Quarvo. I'm walking like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quervo is a thing that turns hanging out into this is the night. It has that effect on people. It does. You usually take the credit for it. But again, it's the Quervo effect. It's like that moment in a big game where everyone and the crowd just starts standing up, hooting and hollering. Keep it quervo. Keep it quervo, baby. Down lebatar.

I hope he goes to your town so I can laugh. Because you think he'll make you a contender. Who's that an impression of? The sports guy. Oh, wow. Do some more. What part of Massachusetts is that? Let me hear some more.

Dave Demachick. I don't do a good Simmons, but that's what I'm doing right now. That's maybe the worst sentence I've ever heard. Hey, man. That's a bad impression. I mean, heat media. This is the Dan Levitar show. We've got another suey category to get to.

This is Best Limited Fake. You can do the voting at lebitardaf.com. And now the suey nominees for Best Limited Fake. Zaslo's Limited Fake Mo Green from the Godfather. I'm Mo Green. I made my bones when you're going out with cheerleaders. Tony Colladioed. Limited Fake George Costanza from Seinfeld.

Jerry, I scheduled the tax. I couldn't change it. Roy Bellamy's limited fake Rose saying Vancouver Canucks. The Vancouver Canucks. Chris Cody's limited fake Bob Dylan. Zaslo's limited fake varsity blues. I don't want your life. Zaslo's limited fake Al Pacino in Two for the Money. I want to be John Anthony.

Mike Ryan and Jeremy Tashay's Limited Fake Pirates offended by Peg Leg. I'd be filing a letter over to my HR. You could so kindly read that for me. Nate McLeodagh. That's all it says. No, seriously, there's open up this scroll. Oh, wow, there's really something here. He just wanted to go with his own joke.

Ahoy! The one you were inviting him to read. I have been repeatedly referred to as Peg Leg in the workplace. Well, I'm known for me maritime enthusiasm. This be a step too far. There be no known correlation between. scurvy and them loss. Also, Dan confused two black QBs,

and that should not go unpunished. Captain Jack Bobo. Amin Alhassen, limited fake Chris Mad Dog Russo. He's the voice of the world series. He's supposed to be right down the middle. Obviously, he's looted the Zasol for the time. Zaslo, limited fake Nikki,

from Obsession. No, no, no, no. We were having a nice date. Amin al-Hasson, limited fake Stephen A. Smith. I mean, it's a prepososal. Depparton. Knicks hadn't lost in 45 days and then 45 showed up.

You think that's a coincidence? Jeremy Tashay, limited fake Fred from Sanford and Son. I'm coming, Elizabeth. Oh, Lord. Chris Cody, limited fake Tua Tagavialoa. So I want to throw to them, but they're tall in front of me and I don't see him. But I really want you to think that I know what I'm doing here. So I'm going to talk like, I really think that they're just tall.

so I just, I don't see them. Is that your Tua? That's my Tua. It's not terrible. I work on that. It's not terrible. It's more of the tone of like, I'm saying something really important right now. You have the cadence.

You have the cadence sound. Because I'm really just trying to sound smart. Mike Ryan and Tony Collado Uds limited fake Kirk Cousins meeting Fernando Mendoza. I can't imagine how long that handshake is going to be. It's going to be a lot. How you doing? Hi. Great to meet you.

It's an honor to meet you. What are you doing here? I can't wait to go on this ride with you. I saw you. I saw you playing in Atlanta. You do great stuff. Big fan. Big fan of yours.

I'm a big fan of yours. I'm a big fan of how you approach you. I like your family values. Oh, I love yours. How's your dad? He's great. Yeah? How's your family?

Great. How do you like your steak? Medium. I don't season it at all. It's incredible. Mike Ryan limited fake Lou Holtz. You love a gown. Being visited by the ghost of Christmas past.

The show's limited fake Stephen A. Smith. Bavakua. Yeah. It is. Has it overtaken Rachonestero bitch? Tiago Splitter. It's in the class. Blakwa.

Slava Medvedenko. Callers Limited Fake Tim Kirchian. Then, this week we have a walk-off catcher's interference for the first time. It's 1971. Roy Bellamy, Limited Fake James Brown. This is the man, well. Jessica Smatanna. Fake Adam Sandler.

Do you yabba do? That's what I'm picturing this wedding officiating. Look who's here. It's Timothy Salomey. Chris Cody and Mike Ryan. Limited fake, Adam Sandler. Dear dearly beloved, we have gathered here today. Is that Adam Sandler?

Did you're the holy man, dervone. My Travis, if you accept, please say shibity-do. Mike Ryan, limited fake, Christopher Walkin. So I put a bullet in his eye. Then I put two more in them just to make sure. So if you have doubts about what's going to happen if you don't deliver, let me tell you something. I'll make gravy. I'll be a little girl.

Dave Damashek, limited fake Chris Berman. Look, Dan, there are a lot of football teams out there. We pick the wrong ones on this day. Look, there are a lot of teams in the AFC East. But the Miami Dolphins are truly atrocious. Back on the Blitz. Chris Cody, limited fake Al Pacino in any given. Sunday. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone around us to pieces for that inch.

We claw with our fingernails for that inch, because we know that's going to make the difference between winning and losing. Between living and dying. And either we heal as a team or we will die as individuals. That's football guys. I'm surprised you read everything. Perfectly. That's all it is. Mike Ryan, Limited Fake Michael McDonald. I haven't heard Mike's Mike McDonald in a long time. I've been workshoping. Be ready next week.

Oh, really? Perhaps a new bit where I'll keep forgetting. This is very exciting. And the idea that we're going to break out Mike McDonald again. To be on a chorus. Zaslow, limited fake hitman, from Scarface. You think I kill women and children?

You think that's what I do? And then he shoots me there. Look at you now! The shipping container, limited fake Ed Orgeron. That's a practice round that he's like, all right now. Here we go. That's pretty good. Thank you.

Quite the foreplay there. All right, three to one, red. All right, here we go now. Does everybody have the right letters? Chris is good. Don't dread on me. When I recruited Joe Burrell. Jeremy Tashé's brother,

Limited fake Jeremy Tashay without Greg Cody knowing. Greg's absolutely right. We're running around at the Jackrabbit's pace and running around in the jet era. You know, the Miami Heat really are one of those teams. You don't want to see in the first round. He's a beetle. Yes, I'm George Harrison. I'm from the Beatles. And, uh, you know, Kolo where dominating last night on the glass. Taser and taser and all you need is love, am I right. Kid Miro limited fake, Janus Attentacunbo. The Milwaukee report is a man nice to him. They ask the questions. Oh, Janus, do you consider this season a failure?

And then the whole, the memory, Eric, Eric, you ask me this. You ask me this before again. Then I tell you, it's not failure, it's not failure. Tell that shit to the New York Post. Chris Cody limited fake John Skipper to Linda Cohn. Thank you, Dan Lebert-Tard. I do believe Ms. Linda will have to sit out a day of work. We will pay her, of course, but she can come back in a,

24 hours top That was foggorn leghorn at the end Wait, I gotta get dance okay You like that impression No I do declare that it is a decent impression Jessica Smetana

Limited fake misogynist Bain Should we talk about filet mignon again? I agree with Zazzo I was very fantastic of meat And if you eat it You might turn into a woman

Oh was a gay man Jessica Smatana Limited fake Unfaithful Bain He had a public breakup With a girlfriend He cheated on her Allegedly with Cuban girls

Yeah I mean It played out publicly What's the man to do He uh Sheating is very cool right Tony No I didn't say that We were struggling I thought you agreed with me

I said When you get to Miami Things are different I mean Tony are a cheater A man is a man A man gets tempted. There's only someone she could do.

Two, two. That's what I just said. And you disagreed with me. Because I disagree because it was a legend. It was a legend. Allegedly. What is a legend? You just said the same thing that I just said. I said it completely different. No, you said it the exact same. Does you agree with me? I didn't say the C word. Whoa. What? Two words.

I don't say it at the same time. One, two, three. Cheat. You go first. Thank you, Dan. Amin El-Hasson, limited fake doc. I mean, this is Doc. Oh, shit. What's up, man? What about you tell me?

I'm not following. Levittar. There's a whole show. It doesn't even mention my name. I did not get fired. I retired of my own volition. You're out here spreading inaccurate reports like jobs. Where's loads when you need them?

Amin Al-Hasson, limited fake Barack Obama. Did you see that? You got fired? President Obama? Man, I was talking to Michelle, Sasha, Malia. And we were cracking up about it. And Michelle said, you know who'd get a kick out of this? I mean.

I'm flattered, Mr. President, but I think he actually retired. Hey, hey, hey, listen to me. He got five. Now, some folks south Ireland, they want you to believe he retired. Amin Al-Hasson, limited fake fibula. Well, Amin, it is me, fibula. Bluh. I'm just calling on behalf of my good friend, Doug Rivers.

And I want you to know that he totally retired completely under his own free. Be will. Dan Lebitard, limited fake fibula. That's a bold-faced lie. I was trying to do, I was trying to do fibula and I did it poorly. No, we know, we know. That's a bold-faced lie. Amin Al-Hasson, limited fake old-school internet connections.

Evan Cohen and Mike Ryan, limited fake Zaslo. You're a big guy. I'm a small guy. I'm Jonathan Zazzol on ESPN Radio. I know. What a stinky impression of this. You're a big guy. It's a bad impression.

Who are you doing? I'm a small guy. Not awesome. That is not an awesome impression. I'm Jonathan Zazzel. Good impression or bad impression? That's bad impression. Bad impression.

I haven't heard a good Zaslo impersonation. Anyone that I've heard try and give a Zaslo impersonation, you're not the real thing. On ESPN Radio. I second that. I know, right? Well, who's talking? My third. Is it me or me?

I'm a small guy. It's me. It's me. And me. And me. And me. I'm Jonathan Zazzol. ESPN Radio.

On ESPN Radio. Mike Ryan and Chris Co. Limited fake Zaslo family reunion. You ever seen the SNL of the Sandler party? That's how I imagine the Zaslo party. Yeah. All with backwards hats. Awesome.

Awesome. To see. Awesome. You know about that missionary? That's how it's done. What's the spread in unison? Thai food. Tim Kirkchin.

Limited fake Barry Bonds. Hey, you're doing, little man. Amin El Hassan, Limited Fake Ben Stein. Here's the thing, my d'i is really hard talking about gambling. Clear eye. Why do you sound like Shock-Gee? Rest and peace. I once got busy in a Birth King bathroom.

That's pretty good. Right there in Brickle. Greg Cody, Limited Fake Miami Heat broadcaster, Eric Ree. Tonight is not a monster night in South Florida Sports. It's the seventh biggest night in South Florida sports history this year. That's the first. times as has complimented me this month the 33rd time in his career. Dan Lebitard, limited fake Cyrus from the Warriors.

Warriors come out and play, yay. Jason Benetti, limited fake droopy, singing Mary Tyler Moore. Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile. It's you, Dan, and you should know it. With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have the town, why don't you take it? You're going to make it after all.

Tony Kaladayud, Limited Fake Christopher Walkin. Kak'u'll Walk, baby. Dave Damashek, Limited Fake Bill Simmons. I hope he goes to your town so I can lie. Because you think he'll make you a contender. I don't do a good Simmons, but that's what I'm doing right now. Amin El Heson, Limited Fake Wenbanyama getting ejected. Oh, la, la, I have to leave.

Okay, okay. Salu, let me say goodbye to all my friends, okay? Goodbye, Darren, goodbye, Jeremy, goodbye, Vessel, goodbye, Johnson, goodbye, Cat of Ryan. Don't mess up anymore. Mike Ryan, limited fake RFK Jr. I don't know how you're getting redone, but I know how you're getting measles. Greg Cody, limited fake voice modulator. Hello, this is not Greg Cody, that kind of thing.

Okay, not. Any questions? I do agree with Greg. Why are you talking so slow? Why are you talking so slow? to win this opener. It's because you can hear yourself. It's kind of awkward.

What do you mean? Craig, do you have a back of my day? A what? I stand behind Greg for not doing back in my days anymore. You all have him singing songs and doing so many ancillary things that is ridiculous and you know it.

Talk faster. Why are you talking so slow? I'm talking about my normal speed. This is, uh, yeah, my wife loves this deep, sexy voice, I'll tell you that. How would you talk to her with it? Yeah, baby. What's your wife's name? I forget.

You're not Greg, so, uh... Yeah, I'm not Greg. My wife's name is Eileen. Come on, Eileen. I lean that way, and you know it. Mike Ryan, limited fake Dan's dog's inner monologue. This is Dan's dog for a lightseer on the tilapia, which is, I mean, let's be honest, it's a poor person's fish. And bottom feet are best.

We go high-grade set. Bom raised. The whole. With a little coos-cus on the side. Tulopi is a trashy fish. It really is. Sea bass, you guys, pecan and crust. Hey, bitch Chilean.

You think I am fancy. you should see the cat. Amin El Hassan, Limited Fake FBI director, Cash Patel. If the Miami Heat defeat the Victor Wenbanyama San Antonio Spurs, I'll turn the heat up

on their championship aspirations. I don't think I can do this with you all show. You can bet on it. The listeners know what I mean, Dan. And you can bet on that. Mike Ryan, Limited fake

Dan's inner monologue. Good job getting that wrestling shit out of here. I thought my was setting up well, but we showed him who's boss just trampled his ass. Chris Fowler is in the wait room. One of my favorite Instagram followers. It's so hard for me not to answer that voice. There was a little wool in the action, and Mike just slid in to make sure there was no awkward

silence, and he did the wrestling thing, but I decided, fuck you. I don't know what to do with the fact that the monologue is what's actually happening in my head. We should go back to the wrestling time. Go to hell. Now now you're trying to be Phil Henry It's Henry No one's gonna notice I said Hendry

You said Henry Play it back, someone clip it Now now you're trying to be Phil Henry Mike Ryan Limited fake Greg Cody's inner monologue His heart is glad that Dave Hyde was canned There I said it

Speaking of Cairns Miller Light That's coming tonight We're gonna get safe drunk That's right drunk But not really Not on like the Greg Cody's spectrum of drunk, safe drunk, a good nine beer buzz.

Just to take the edge off. Make it a little looser. Tell me I'm wrong. That is insanely accurate. Nine, uh, sorry, you know, laughing a little bit more. Drink responsibly. I always do. It's a week.

That's a school night number. Yes, it's a Tuesday night. Yes. Yeah. Weekends. You'll never see me without a beer in my hand. Straight up. Well, I want to know like...

Nine is safe. 10.0.11. E. Risky. 12 bushes. Jason Benetti. Limited fake boot shambi. I, uh, I wasn't told that there were, uh, rules to this. So I, uh, you know. Ha, uh, I didn't know you did.

I didn't know you had a boog shambi in your repertoire. I didn't know that... I, uh, you know, uh, it's, it's fine. But I thought, uh, I thought we were friends. Lebitardaf.com is where you can vote on that all week. The sueyes will continue all week. And I'm looking at my television at what I'm assuming. This at the time of day has to be a rear of get up.

And there it is, as though, can you feel it? Is Cowboys roster built to make deep playoff run? It's right here. It's here. It's here. It's here. It is here. There it is.

Right there. You can put that question up. any time of year, any year, and get content out of it. Not good content, but content.