The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - The Truth About Magic Johnson's Tweets, and More of the Internet's Most Important Mysteries

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

Who runs Magic's extraordinarily earnest Twitter account? Is Wu-Tang really that good at chess? Just how racist is the Oklahoma Sooner mascot? Is Victor Wembanyama the end of human evolution? Also: cotton balls, buttholes, and trolls. You asked, we investigated — with a little help from Rob Lowe, Method Man, Masta Killa, and Killers of the Flower Moon author David Grann. Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/zAJhIrX1vBs Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Pablo Tore finds out I am Pablo Tore and today we're going to find out what this sound is. Here's my pitch on Irvin's tweet post meeting the aliens. Okay. Met with the aliens period. You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. Cortez, every so often on this show, we turn into a detective agency. In what way? We have a number, five, one, three, eight, five, Pablo, people call that number with their mysteries, they want us to solve.

And we let us solve the f*** out of those mysteries. I know, I know, shout out to these people for the mailbag. I appreciate all the mailbag, it's a good deal. They're still in the agency. Again, we're not doing this stupid mailbag thing that every show does.

I believe that what we're going to do here with this voice mail will prove that we're not just any show. If we can play that first, non-mail bag voice mail. Hey Pablo, I saw your name in the headline of a New York Post article. It says, Larsa Pippin and Marcus Jordan trash quote, miserable, and quote, publisher A over podcast interview. So now that you officially have a few with the Pippins and the Jordans, I need to hear your response. Please end thanks. Bye. So now that you officially have a few with the Pippins and Jordan, I need to hear your response. Please end thanks.

Bye. I'm going to have to wear this because we taped an episode of our podcast in which we interviewed Marcus Jordan and Larsa Pippin about their love. Yeah, watch that once you don't have to listen to their God-Offal podcast. Well, now we got to listen to their God-Offal podcast as an excerpt because they, of course, actually said the things that that caller was alleging. You know, we did a podcast a week ago. We did Pablo Torres podcast.

And I think- They talked a lot of sh- They talked a lot of sh- They talked a lot of sh- They talked a lot of sh- You know, and I'm, you know, I wasn't too familiar with the format of his show. Maybe that's on us, not doing our research or whatever.

But, yeah, I feel like the first half segment of the show was talking crazy. And so, it's just funny, because then when we did our interview, they didn't really keep that same energy. I felt like, obviously they had listened to the podcast, they were familiar with it, but our interview was very fluffy.

It was very one-star-d-ish. It was very fluffy. And I feel like their commentary that aired before our interview was pretty biased. It was a hip- day. It was very fluffy. And I feel like their commentary that aired before I interviewed was, you know, was pretty biased. It was a hit piece by it. It was a little bit of a hit piece. And now I'm actually having watched it back.

I wish that that producer, you know, there was some off- I can't remember the dude's name. I just wish he was there because I feel like our interview would have taken a different tone. And we would have been able to clap back a little bit, you know what I'm saying? It's funny because I feel like the people that have so much to say are so miserable in their real lives. If we took five seconds to research so much, I would never even do because they're not worth our time. You'd really realize these people are bunch of losers.

Yeah. Oh, man. It was a hip piece. A hip piece. What a great love. Didn't remember that you Ryan Cortez. I know my name. I got a hit.

That that. Come on. I I know my name. I gotta hear that. That. Come on. I am just bummed that I thought we had bonded with them. That's how you left the interview that you thought you guys were friends. Yeah, I was like, I was like, we, I might be at this wedding. Like I was hoping for a follow up episode where we're at the wedding listening to Michael Jordan give the best man's toast clap back Pablo speaking of miserable

What's next? I ate really yummy Thai food last night, but it was so spicy and this morning I had the spicy shit of my life. And I just don't feel good. It's like walking home from work, just felt for us all day. And it had me thinking about David Stanton. And I'm just wondering if you could find out if you have any strategies for mitigating the impact of a spicy shit and also find out if his butt hole is OK.

Thanks. thanks. I just want to say that I love that we are a safe space for listeners of all genders. What a great to confess how miserable their asshole actually is. I also have had the same question about how that's gone for him. So we had David Samson on for an episode about how he lost smell and taste due to COVID and how... What a seat. He had David Samson on for an episode about how he lost smell and taste due to COVID and how he truly, because we did the hot ones like hot sauce challenge and he tasted hot sauces that were draped his wings and hot sauces that were like a zillion scoval units or

whatever it is and was totally unaffected allegedly. Well, I text him now and in the present tense, he reports this, quote, when it comes to hoop burn, easier imagination, my days are spent not with prevention, but treatment. I thought I was in the clear after the hot sauce challenge with Sean Evans, host of Hot ones, 72 hours later, things went horribly wrong. So I have two letters for you, A and D. I believe that's like an ointment that you put on like baby butts.

And he says, unfortunately, my loss of tastance mal did not come with the concomitant loss of anal nerves, but the juices were at the squeeze. So to translate it, please quote my whole is on fire. Well, so here's the thing, I am not surprised because I believe David Samson to be somewhat of a liar and I will tell you why. Juan Galindo, our great one of our great video editors, was telling me that he noticed out of the corner of his eye that after all of this took place in our studio

that David Samson retreated to the back where you could get milk and water and so forth. And David was alone and Juan just saw him. And was noticing how David looked like he was in so much pain and he was trying to hide it and he was sweating. So you are accusing David Samson of fabricating the entire premise of this episode, which is that actually he feels everything. He's just doing this for attention.

You put me in a tough spot because that is, that is, that is quite the leave. That David Samson is larsa Pippa. They both could use like, you know, some help. Next, for now. What's the problem? This is Jack Collins from Venice, California. I have college, mascot question for you. I know there's a long, sorted history of indigenous mascots. Some are like the flagrant example of like the chief Wahoo and the Washington football

team, I won't name. But I'd love your explanation on what the hell an Oklahoma sooner is. the chief Wahoo and the Washington football team I will name. But I'd love your explanation. I want to tell an Oklahoma sooner is, it's given real killer of the flower moon energy to me, but I'd love your take. I mean, if I'm on the right track with it being particularly bad, or maybe it's harmless.

Mm, so he's asking us to tell him whether or not this is a problematic mascot and where this mascot even comes from. Something we need to know about all mascots. It's honestly helpful for me to know this. I did not know this. We reached out to David Graham, author of Killers of the Flower Moon. I read that.

One of the great nonfiction writers on the planet who wrote the book, yes, of the New Yorker, wrote the book that got turned into the Scorsese movie and he gave us this. It turns out that the term dates back to the land runs of the late 19th century in what was then Indian territory and is now part of the state of Oklahoma. The US government had a long policy of trying to drive Native Americans off their lands and open up these prairies and territories to white settlers. And so it had arranged to have these races. They were these mad dashes for lands where the sound of a gun,

settlers would gather, and at that sound they would race down, and if they got to a parcel land first and put in their stake, they would lay claim to it. During the land run of 1893, thousands, tens of thousands of settlers gather waiting for the start of the gun. And the term sooner came from those who tried to sneak across the line early. So I didn't know any of that.

The idea that, okay, it's not that the nickname itself is like problematic, but the people it describes, apparently are these settlers that were treating like Native American land like it was a Walmart on Black Friday. Also, it's pretty amazing that like this amazing author from the New Yorker and all these books is like wasting his time answering our questions. I do love that. It's amazing. I love that David Graham, I'm really convinced of that question. Yes, thank you. But speaking of people, does really try to be first? What's next?

Yo, Pablo, Billy from Brooklyn. I saw on Twitter X that was blocked, yeah. What the hell could you have done to deserve that? Why is it about what I must have done? You probably did something. Let's be real. I want to be clear about this whole entire thing. I'm not here to be as messy as the top of the show indicates.

Actually, I'm not realizing how much I am apparently this controversial character. How'd you discover you were blocked? So the morning of the hard-and-trade, I get all these texts and I'm like, what the f*** happened? And I go, of course, to the NBA's biggest newsbreaker. And I find out that the man who broke the heart and trade had blocked me.

Shoms blocked you? Oh, God. Oh, God. Send me up for that. Wow, so whoa, whoa, it blocked me, which is strange because I am, of course, his former full-time colleague, now part-time colleague, EDSPN.

And so I don't know what I did. I was surprised to learn. And my only theory is that because I work for MetalLark and I work with you, that the Miami Heat Propagandists have put a stain on my good name. You might be right in terms of me being to blame for this because I have my own story with Wojge in the past on Twitter. What I would have wanted.

What did I do with a lot of people? So I had been following Wojge for many years as most people do. And I noticed one day I got a notification that said Adrian Wojge and Asuki followed you black. And I said, oh, I made it. You used to follow me as well. I was like, proud and showing people,

what would you follow me now? And like two days later I noticed Wojge unfollowed me. And that pissed me off. So you unfollowed? You had the nerve to go to my pro, you were that busy, you're the busiest man and you're bringing in, you hate my profile so much that you had you unfollowed? You had the nerve to go to my pro you were that busy? You're the busiest man and he's breaking and you hate my profile so much that you had to unfollow me? So he blocked you. Yeah. He unfollowed me. Yeah. At least I'm not blocked. Yeah. So he really doesn't like that. I got I breaking news for you. You undoubtedly

just got blocked. I love our collars, man. They're the best. They're the best. They leave voicemails that sometimes just sink perfectly with the sh** that I'm already like wanting to investigate. We can't say it enough. 51385, Pablo. That's right. Call us and we may play your voice male like we are right now. Hey, Pablo, this is Butterfly Jones, gone from beautiful QF Florida. Long time with her first time car.

And I was hoping you could find out who writes the beautiful, the incredible tweets by magic Johnson. They are so amazingly earnest, but they read like GPD negative 3.5 combined with the enthusiasm of my great impact. They are spectacular, and I want to know who's behind it. Fake Baba. There's nobody in the Twitter sphere who I'd want to know more, who's behind that account, then Magic Johnson.

Yes. Number one for me. It's an active mystery, and so of course we had to get to Magic Johnson, which is it turns out kind of difficult. But you remember you've met him before, right? I mean, I was there for that. I've interviewed him as more celebrated a couple of times, actually. I know you're a journalist.

Thank you for reminding that I know you, I know back in the day you did your report, it's stories quoting him. Back when you and I did high noon on ESPN at the Seaport office at ESPN, there was a day, if you remember, I believe it's 29, too. I don't think it's that helpful to relive this.

No it is, it is. Magic Johnson came to the office and it was embarrassing what you did. This is your show. Y'all shoot here too? Yeah. Okay. So you got the move for you

because you and you're all the man. I was in for care of my, my, my, my. Yeah. So congrats, okay. So you got the move for you because you were in all the night. I was in for care of my, my, my, yeah. So congrats, man. Well, try to be like you, man. You're the best TV star in this building, man. TV star. A businessman now.

Just a businessman. You have a suitable businessman. Well, you know, I got to run my business, and that's why I'm running to a meeting after this. Absolutely, man. God bless you, man. Yeah, good. I'm cringing so hard that I'm like becoming smaller.

So some background, I'm filming that obviously, and the reason that it's clipped off in that manner sort of abruptly is I was furiously trying to get my phone out because you're sprinting to hop over a couch to go say hello to Magic Johnson. The video picks up with the first words of you saying to him, after having climbed the couch to dab him, we can see eye to eye. As if you're like marveling at the, yes, you need something to couch. Of course you can.

I stood on a couch like, f**king Tom Cruise, the interviewed by Oprah. Are you embarrassed? Of course, I mean, the visuals on this are great. Admittedly, like there's a, the, the, the dapp I delivered. Was it worth it? You got the clout of like, hey, I dapp I delivered. Was it worth it?

You got the clout of like, hey, I dapped them up. Yeah, but it was it's that's not worth it. There's like a leg kick. I like sort of like wound up because I cared about the dapp so much that I kicked my leg out like a picture. So what's sad now, even sadder now to me is that despite that clear connection

that me and magic made right from a top that couch. When I reached out to Magic Johnson's people, because of course he's a businessman with many people, to go to the front door on this topic, we were told the following, okay? Quote, thank you for reaching out. Unfortunately, Mr. Johnson respectfully declines to participate.

He is elected not to discuss the behind the scenes of his social strategy. End quote. That was from the vice president of Magic Johnson Enterprises. Alexia Grievous Henderson. But I was energized. And so what I did was I reached out to a different Hollywood power broker. An actor in this case that I know has also

been obsessed with this now official mystery, by the way. What do they have to hide? And so yeah, I called up Rob Lowe. And so Rob Lowe, what was the first memory you have of meeting Magic Johnson? We met because we were both basically the same age. From the Midwest, he's from Michigan, I'm from Ohio. We're in Los Angeles, we're young, we're having success, and we're on each other's radar. That was obviously the initial commonality. But then over the years, I got to know him as a man. And it was really through amount of time spent in and around the Lakers and the Laker organization,

traveling on the road, on the team plane. At one point, banned me from staying in the same hotel because, wait, why? Why were you banned by Pat Riley? Well, all because it was the 80s and I was single. And you're a bad influence, Rob Lowe. That's why you were banned. I was a very bad influence on the Lakers.

Amima, about Lakers, love me. Riley not so much. And it was during those, it was during the format where it was like two, three, two, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you'd be in Detroit forever. Three, three games in Detroit. You're like, there's not a lot to do by the Pontiac Silver Dome. So, you know, you can do the math. And Riley was not a fan of that. No, understandably. Maddie Johnson, by the way, it was just named one of the four Kerniformer athletes to ever become a billionaire.

Right? So it's him, LeBron, Michael Jordan Tiger Woods. That was this week. But inside of that larger context is this ongoing fascination that many people have around his Twitter account. Yes. And I think you know this. Even on part of my take talking to them about it, but you're like the foremost source.

You have advanced the ball more than any other human being on the question of like, what is up with Magic Johnson's Twitter account? And you take pride in this, I imagine at this point, you're laughing at the asking this. Yeah, I mean, listen, I have it on very good authority that he dictates it. He has somebody who, he, you know, whatever occurs to him. And with the Amazon, whatever occurs to him, it's the best. I mean, that's what Twitter was made for him, made.

Exactly. But I'll ask, I'll ask magic next time I see him. I'm gonna say, the world wants to know. Yes. Are you seated in a big smoking chair? Are you doing it in a walk and talk? Is there a fleet? Cause you're a billionaire now.

So I'm assuming it's a fleet of people, not just one person, who's who's instantly, you know, putting it in on their phone. And if it's on their phone, how does that get on your Twitter? Like the world needs to know. Yes, I imagine like a nuclear football level of chain of custody here.

My favorite is always like, we've got to do better when the lakers are getting blown out. You know what I mean? I mean, you're like, I can't shut up. His catchphrases are stuff like, quote, tonight we learn the world champion Denver Nuggets are going to be very tough to beat in the NBA playoffs period. Quote, we're all disappointed that our Dodgers didn't hit or pitch well. That's why we lost the series to the Diamondbacks exclamation point, which is and the exclamation points, Rob, are notable because for him on the magic Johnson emotional curve, that thing is Martin Luther

nailing the 95 DCs to the door. When I was on the West Wing, Aaron Sorkin will not use an exclamation point. Ever. Oh wow. It could literally, in the script, I could say, President Bartlett is shot. No exclamation point. No, he does not believe in them.

His theory with exclamation point is that it's the hackiest, sweatiest thing that you can do to make something sound exciting that probably isn't. I happen to disagree with it. I think an exclamation point, there's absolutely a place to be. They're overused for sure, but I don't go the other way where it's like, you don't use them. I mean, to me, that's a bridge too far. On the scale of writing sensibility, on one end is magic Johnson. On the other end is Aaron Sorcerer. And you're not gonna confuse their Twitter accounts. You're just not going to.

Yes. By the way, are they preloaded? Right. Listen, listen, there's a world where what was preloaded wasn't, give me the quote about why the Dodgers lost to give it to me again. We're all disappointed that our Dodgers didn't hit or pitch well. That's why we lost the series to the Diamondbacks exclamation point. Okay, so that's preloaded. Also preloaded is how about that Dodger pitching and hitting?

And that is why we swept the diamond backs. So you have the potential world in which magic Johnson is a man for all seasons and outcomes. He is ready with a magic Johnsonism, no matter the event and its, and its result. Of course he is, it's why he's a billionaire. Of course he's ready for every eventuality. It's like abstract art.

It really is. It's where you go, I'm pretty sure my kindergartener could have painted that. And yet your kindergarten didn't paint it. No, no, no, no. Jackson Pollock painted this. Jackson Pollock painted this. Jackson Pollock painted it. He's no kindergartener.

And you know what else is a little bit in there? And this is, we have a mutual friend, Allen Yang, who wrote on the show that I did, Park's N' Recreation. And one of my favorite characters in Park's N' Recreation has a little bit of Irvin's Twitter and that is Perd Happley. Yes, oh my God, dude, I had never

f***ing connected this, but 100 million percent. 100%! Magic's Twitter account has a little bit of Perd Happley in it. For a female perspective on this scandal, we turn to a woman, Leslie No. I'm about to ask you a question right now, and that question is this, the Lude photo, just how big a deal is it?

Well, frankly, per if it's not that big a deal, if you know what I mean. I don't know what you mean, but it had the cadence of a joke. I'm Irvin Johnson and I love to play basketball. It's hard work, but it's a lot of fun. It's a lot of things, but when the ball goes through that net, the team gets two points. Is there a person who is better at being rich than Magic Johnson? And I see Elon Musk as, of course, fantastically accomplished, wildly wealthy real-life Tony Stark, all of that stuff. Yeah, on top of the culture war.

But the point being, I watch him on Twitter and I'm like, oh, that's a man whose brain has been eaten by the internet. It seems like he is doing Twitter the product he bought for $44 billion incorrectly. And then in contrast, again, on this scale of extremes, I see magic Johnson. And I'm like, that guy seems happy.

He is happy. For sure. One of the things I love so much about Irvin Slash Magic is their outlook on life and it's not a pose. It's not an image. It really is who he is. And that's sort of like, guileless, enthusiastic,

straightforward, no bullsh**t. And I don't want to say childlike because that is a connection that it's somehow unsophisticated or not smart. And I'm not saying that. But there is a purity though. A purity, yeah, it's a purity about it. And, you know, you read LeBron James' thing and you get, he's always trying to be Nelson Mandela. Right. And, and, and, and, and, magic slash Irving is just being himself. This is maybe the thing about his Twitter account

is that it's so authentically his voice that you wonder like, is it just a performance because it's so consistent? And then you're like, well, why am I being cynical about this? It's a gift, just accept the gift. Just accept the gift. It's one gift, just accept the gift. Just accept the gift. It's one of the ju- By the way, it might be the only joy left on Twitter.

Absolutely, Rob, absolutely. The only joy I have left is Magic Johnson on July 17th of this summer, posting on Twitter quote, Pozotano Italy is so beautiful and they grow the biggest lemons I've ever seen in my life exclamation point. It just puts a smile on your face. We're both grinning in a very sincere way because without even showing you the tweet,

you know that magicians in both hands is double-fisting giant lemon. Lemon. Lemon. Giant. And they're so big. that magic Johnson in both hands is double fisting giant Lemons giant. They're so big. Giant lemons. There's the question of like when the aliens come, who do we want to nominate as our like gladiator on behalf of earth? People are always like it's clearly Lebron James.

And I'm like, if we want to who who's nominating him? Who? Oh, wait, what? The greatest physical specimen that Earth has to offer. I see. I'm competition. Because we assume this is the thing, right? Or I don't know, or I don't know.

But people assume that we're gonna wanna go to war with the aliens. And meanwhile, what you and I are on the same wavelength about, I think, is that if we wanna like, diplomatically figure some stuff out, I want Irvin, magic, Johnson with two giant lemons approaching. Here's my pitch on Irvin's tweet post meeting the aliens. Met with the aliens, period.

They're not what I expected. Exclamation mark. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha of Magic Johnson grinning ear to ear, hand over shoulder with a f***ing alien. With a gray, with like a, the gray can barely be in the photo because the gray is like two and a half feet tall. You should do it. I'm sure you must do a parlor game, parlorature game where you have three quotes and one, two of them are fake Magic Johnson

and one of them's real. You have to do that. I'm sure. Absolutely. We're going to find some purgid happily best ofs. And we're going to, that's, I mean, that could be the pod like this and play it. Done. I'm in Roblo on that note. All I have to say to you is in the words of Madagg Johnson, thank you, exclamation point. Thanks man, that was fun. I knew the name Roblo going into the video, but like I didn't know who he was.

I'm young. What do you want me to do? Please tell me you appreciated what just happened there. I got lost watching it because there was a moment where I said, oh, I know who that is. I recognized him. The Westway, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I just want our new friend of the show, Roblo, to know that I understand his uvro, even though Ryan Cortez, by the way, you also like discovered rock and roll as a concept. Shout-out to the bottom.

I'm over the pen. Nirvana bro. So this is all, this is a love language Cortez. But I did also wanna be fair to any skeptics out there who wanted the actual answer to the question are great listeners left, right? Because we know now that it's magic, Johnson dictating the tweets.

We know it's his voice, and controversially. But in terms of the person who is physically writing them, who is writing this account, there was even more digging that I had to do. Okay, what'd you find out? So they wanted to keep all of this a secret, obviously, the social media strategy. But I did all of these, I truly investigated this.

I did all of these interviews on background. I got to somebody who was in the room, actually, while it was happening. Magic Johnson, with this mystery person posting to the account and what I was told. Okay. The person who physically posts for Magic Johnson was none other than Alexia Grievous Henderson. Purse out.

That's the name from the email, right? That is the person who emailed us. Saying that they elect not to discuss the social media strategy is the person behind the social media strategy. I'm proud of you, man. Like that's actual journalism. You did it again, good reporting by you.

We got to the bottom of just, yeah, the greatest rich person's Twitter account. Maybe you think. You know, if she wants to maybe help put me in touch with magic so I can dapp them up on like sea level, maybe we can yeah, work out a recommendation, a public endorsement from Pavletory finds out.

Cortez it's obvious to everybody that we are the smart show. It is. At MetalLark Media. Dude. I mean, there was a time we had- Look, he's in the chair. It's okay, man. I mean, I didn't want to say it, but now I'll say it. There was a time we had Action Bronson on it, and he was talking about sh** into a warm toilet,

how it emptied out his whole bowel system, as well as Jesus telling us that the poop in a crack house reminded him of Crembrule. Okay, this is where I just showed metalware. A little crust on the top. You're right. But I do want to get to an objectively smart voicemail about an objectively smart topic if we could.

Pablo, you got a good idea for you. We need to find out who of the Wu-Kaiin clan is the best chess player. I've read a number of articles over the years that they played chess together when they were recording the 36 chambers. Rizzo and Jizzo seem to be the most open about their test planning experiences. And Jizzo said he played 78 hours straighting in his master's car. So who's the best?

And you have to find out who the Wu Tang is the best chess player. Now, I've heard a lot of those people, obviously, shout out to Nirvana. You know, I discovered rock music. That's the way my knowledge is not the best. This is, I like how the through line of this episode is Ryan Cortez finds out what music is.

It's amazing. Proceed. Yes. So I just wanted to know who all is in the Wu-Tang clan. Okay, so this is a hard question for even like the most Wu-Tang, all of his dancers. Because, okay, I just want to re-rack this for everybody, right?

There are lots of people in the Wu-Tang Clan. They're according to several actual music critics, one of the greatest groups ever, a little on rap groups, based in Staten Island, and they f**king love chess. And if I have any credibility with the Wu-Tang Clan, it's because they get the vibe of, you know, people who maybe like, yeah,

like to do some nerdy things sometimes. And so they have songs about chess, they play chess, and there are lots of possible answers for you to answer your question, as to who the best chess player might be because there is Method Man, there's Olderty Bastard, there is Rayquan, there is Ghostface, there is Mastakilla, there is Capodonna, you God,

Inspector Deck, Rizza, Giza, there are lots of candidates. Inspector Deck, that's a good name. That's a great name. It's just... And so, what we did was we reached out to our reporting intern to get to the bottom of this story, Dan Levitard. I've heard of him. To get a comment from Method Man himself.

Dan, what's up? It's here. Hey. It never ends right? You see my hack? Yeah, Kings of New York right now, you know? I'm just thinking, what if, and Raj has never got a roof?

And this was mostly just Method Man giving us jets ticks. I'm just two guts are Method Man. He's wearing a jet hat, he's like lying down on like a floor somewhere. But he did follow up, thankfully, with a text message, but he did follow up. Thankfully with a text message, where he put three names, three names on the metal stand of best chess player in the Wu-Tai'n clan.

Okay. He mentioned Master Killer, he mentioned Ghostface, and he mentioned Jizza. And that also obviously was not enough for my journalistic tastes. And so we called up the first name that he mentioned. So this is an honor for me.

I need to tell you that. Thank you. I'm a fan and also a journalist with a question. So I call you Killa, what should I, Pablo Torres say to you as a way of addressing you? What do you prefer? Call me Jumeu. No.

That's easy. You're supposed to kill us. Mass to kill us, what I do. Jumeu, I got some intel. And I should say that our source is your colleague, Method Man, who power ranked the three greatest chess players in the Wu-Tang clan. And the medal standing in a particular order is you, Ghostface, and Jizza. Does that sound right? What's your scouting report? Well, if he said I was number one, that's correct. He didn't provide an order, but I'm open to your order. This is why I'm calling you up.

I'll be honest and say, you know, the number one slot to go between me, there's a, a result at any hip and sound. What's crazy about this to me is that there's actually like plausible cases for so many of you guys. Like, I don't know if you know this, but I just saw an article out of like Arizona recently where like Capitana was like working some sort of like chess tournament for kids. Like he showed up there.

And I was like, Capitana, am I breaking news to you about this? That's definitely news to me. You know, I think we all play chess in our own ways, you know, because, you know, it's definitely, I would say, affiliated with life. You know, the main teachers use so many lessons. That's what drew me to the game in itself. Just the patience, the patience that you learn.

And how often did you guys play against each other? I'm asking you to rank every day. Every day. Every day. Me and Jizzle played 72 games one day. I'm sorry. 72 consecutive in one day. 72.

We started like that morning. And we ended later at night. I mean, we took breaks and we ate it and we, you know, listened to musical whatever but the whole day, we just played chess all day. I mean, we had so many days like that, but that particular day, we played like 72 straight. We counted it 72. Yeah, we love it, man. What was the win loss record for you, Master Killa playing just 72 games consecutively in one day. Oh, man, I can't remember the win loss,

but more likely I was one top, you know. Yeah. What's your, what's your scouting report, right? So I want to self scouting report of Master Killa, by Master Killa on how he plays chess versus the other members of the Uten clan. What distinguishes your game? I'm just so no natural with it.

You know, some of my brothers, you know, they study books, which you should. I mean, now it's his infinite. So you can never stop learning. There's always room for improvement is always room to learn. You know, some of my brothers, they study different chess masters. I'm just a natural. I absorb and adapt to my opponent, you know, and I like to just stay free like that. I don't like to box myself into any,

you know, certain openings or you know, I just like to be free with it. I'm hearing you say in between the lines that you're unpredictable. Some of your nerd friends in the Wu Tang clan are more predictable. That's what I got from what you're scouting reports. I think we all nerds. I get the sense reading between the lines here again that you like the psychological warfare of an in-person chess game.

Yeah, I love it, man. Like I said, you know, not like moving the pieces, you know, not like hitting the clock, you know, right here, not like a little smack talk, right there in your face. You know, it's not like that. little smack talk, right there in your face. You know, it's not like that, it's not like the thrill of that.

You know, I'm not leaving one a lot of his fights before he even entered the ring. You know, Mike Tyson has been intimidated before he even entered the ring. You know, so I kind of took a little bit of this strategies and you know, if I kind of took a little bit of this strategies and you know if I can say people for you getting those 64 squares And have the battle this one how there been great

rap songs lyrics about chess whether I don't know if you've written them. I don't know if you've performed them What's the best example of that? I'm sure that a lot of audience have made some references to chess, you know, because I know more than just the Wu Chen Clan in place, chess. I know that. I think Jay Z plays. Over my years I've seen looks get took

by the night, Lucy Clan, but trying to defend the Queen on check me before most. Wait a minute now, though. I'm realizing, okay, so I know JZ plays chess too. So if I'm telling you, Master Killa in person versus JZ at the chess board. Oh, JZ going down. JZ going down. JZ going down.

Is he that you give a lesson or you learn one? Hmm. You know, there's no losses in chess, but that day I'll be given a lesson. The patience of choice is the jewels of life. Think before you speak or move. And I think with that, you will be so much better off in life and general and so many situations, probably all situations. Master Killa, the best chess player officially in the Wu Tang clan. and I would say the king of all rappers when it comes to chess Thank you for joining Pawlatory finds out. I appreciate you. Thank you for having me brother

Bro the vibe of that guy pretty incredible when you like juxtapose what his name is Mastakilla it doesn't really seem like the type of guy that's gonna murder you He's a great while he's a great hang and it is to your point. A bit ironic that Master Killa reaches patients and prudence more than a guy named Parakeet Cortes, that feels a bit of a switch. What do you think I do on Twitter that's different? I know that you preach the opposite. I do want to get out of this topic though,

as we annoy Mass De Killa as, of course, the gold medalist in the public, Torey finds out chess tournament among all rappers. By reminding you, Cortez, what Mass De Killa does actually wrap about on the way out of this segment. I'd like to know. Homicide's illegal and death is a penalty. We're just a foster homicide. When he dies, know. All right. So, Master Kill is vibe did inspire me some. He wanted me to own my nerd

dumb. And so, let's get even nerdy at the end here. Okay. Dangerous thing, of course, but what's next? Hey Pablo, what I like you to find out is where does human evolution stop? Are we just going to get a new Victor Wemmen Yamma every 15 years where they break all the, you know, anatomical molds? Or if there's some sort of leveling out, that'll eventually have to happen before what you're for is, they're meeting bones, be all this fall apart and nothing works anymore. Love the show. hope you use it. So thank you for loving the show.

What the word is meat sack. So we called up for this story. My smartest science friend, Cortez, you know him, David Epstein, the best sports science right in America, the man who wrote a best seller, the best selling book, range, and also the sports team. Those were his two bestsellers. What's funny about this one is that he pointed out

that the answer to this listener's question is actually less about the genes of the next great athletics specimen than also access to sports itself. Okay. I think we probably overestimate the portion access to sports itself. Okay. I think we probably overestimate the portion of the global population that has real access to any reasonable opportunity to do sports. Like probably I think I mentioned to you that at the recent World Championships in

Track and Field, a guy from Botswana won a medal in 100 meters. That was the first African man to win a medal in the 100 meters in the world championships. Wow. The first. I would have taken the over. Right. Whereas many people of recent African ancestry have won many, many medals in the 100 meters. Yes. Yes. In the world championships. And I think that just goes to show that like most people in the world don't have real access to this kind of stuff, to training. You know, we overestimate the idea that the people who could compete are already competing. Yeah. So I think there's to training, you know, we overestimate the idea that the people who could compete are already competing. Yeah, so I think there's tons of, you know, hidden or undeveloped talent out there.

Like more people, as sports get more competitive, more people are selected out either because of their genes or because of their opportunities and training environment and stuff like that. So I think there's a lot of the world still, you know, still a lot of talent to explore. A lot of the increase in height over generations has been nutrition and decreased childhood infection,

things that's stunt height. But some of it has also been sort of mating, taller people having kids with taller people. And if you look at this research, even people who have higher VO2 max, which is their ability to move oxygen through their body to get it to their muscles, it's a predictor of endurance, tend to have kids with other people who have higher VO2 max, right?

So there may be a lot of this so-called assortive mating, which is people procreating based on characteristics that are similar, whether they think about them or not, that I certainly think could have an impact. I still think, though, that there's a lot of ground left to be had in more, more again, so-called freaks in just like giving access and opportunity to a lot of the world that doesn't have it.

Right, so in other words, Victor Wemba Nyamas, which is to say, guys who are increasingly extreme, tall, long, thin in ways that would be truly like as if, I don't know, Bob Koozy were to encounter an alien. More guys like that, you can see arriving, but simply because they're already out there and now they might have a more comfortable fit on an NBA team. You know, and maybe pro like NBA and WNBA players

having kids like, you know, two people are seven feet tall. Yeah. Have a kid is still unlikely that that kid is going to be seven feet tall because that's so extreme. But it's way more likely than just a random chance that they're gonna be seven feet tall. So I do think that, you know, athletes having kids

could have some impact. I got a very clear message from you, which is that Vickor Mannyama better have a lot of sex. I mean, look, if there were a thing, if there were like, you're treating it like a horse, right? Like certain people's breeding rights would be go for a lot of one. Oh man, dude, his semen would be so expensive.

What you just said ridiculous though it is is humbling to me as someone under six feet compared to Victor Wimmyama. No, I like my semen. I didn't wanna say it. It's not gonna be worth as much as Victor Wimmyama because that seems unfair. I have a great Twitter account.

Rekortez, what you found out today is that your semen is mid. No, that's just one man's opinion. I mean, it's science's opinion. I mean, I'm not saying that mine is like, you know, premium grade. You and I are just saying, high wise.

Oh, hold on, my boat is definitely taller than your boat. I mean, it's marginally taller. I mean, relative to Victor Rambunyama, fair. But speaking of climax. David also did point out something interesting, which is that we've probably climaxed as a species in terms of height. Like Victor Remaniyama, seven foot four and rising,

architecturally, athletically, we're probably not gonna do taller than him, not much taller even though there have been exceptions. It feels like as much as we can push it, unless he's standing on the couch, I mean. I'm just saying, I mean, that's the only way to be standing on a couch, or, you know, trying to f*** a WMBA Alstar,

which I'm also in favor of. Anyway, there's in that case, only one way to find out for the gene pool. Exactly. What's next? Bob Lowe. You need to find out where Cottonballman is now. What happened with him? You have to find out where he is now. Find out where Paul Lowe. So this is an appropriately desperate plea. Because we did this episode when I've favorite episodes, I love all our episodes, like they're my kids,

but this one, our interview with Mori Povitch, was special and it was special because we did this episode when I favorite episodes, I love all our episodes, like they're my kids, but this one, our interview with Mori Povitch, was special, and it was special because we watched Mori with Mori, and Cortez, my favorite clip from that whole thing was the clip of one of the phobia episodes that Mori Povitch would do, and these were iconic, and this one in specific, and this is a genre where people who are terrified of sh** confront that sh** in studio in person, and this one in specific and this is a genre where people who are terrified as **** confront that **** in studio in person.

And this woman Emily had a very clear phobia which was cotton balls. You know what I'm going to ask you. You know I were here. Yes. Did you do your job? Did you find this guy? I am pleased to tell America that we have located Cottonball Man. We got him.

I have done things with Cotton that nobody's done. And that's Dawn, you know, an entire suit made of cotton. No, you've got to confront your phobia now. This is the famous Mari Show cotton ball man. My name is Jimmy Sheerman, and I've worked for the Mari Show for over 20 years. As a driver, I was a travel assistant, I was an audience coordinator. Then eventually I became a field producer. The thought process when approaching a role like cotton man, you have to keep in mind that cotton man is evil.

He's a demonic beast. He's there to kind of terrorize. So in approaching that role, you know, back in the day, I used to do a lot of side acting for the show where I would be, you know, a jealous spouse murdering his wife or whatever. I think I took some of that intensity from those roles and applied it to the beast that is cotton man.

And I remember getting the outfit and it was basically like oven mitts with cotton balls glued all over them. And I think it was like a box with holes cut for the eyes and just cotton balls glued all over it. Your backstage, okay, get out there. And you're just, you know, Frankenstein coming to, you know,

coming to wreak havoc on this person, this poor person, this poor unsuspecting person, and, you know, basically reveal their biggest fear. Cottonball, man. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

I followed her partially, and I think someone stopped me possibly because, you know, there came a time where it was like, okay, the joke is to, like, we don't want to get too mean. Put your back here. Emily, come here. There's nobody up here. And if the person's really freaking out, let's just cut it.

So I think security might have stopped me or something like that. I don't think wearing the suit made me afraid of cotton. I still wear cotton shirts and cotton underwear and just like everybody else. Yeah, I don't think that it increased my fear of cotton or anything. I don't have a fear of cotton. I don't like the way it feels sometimes. Being the cotton man, I think I know cotton.

Wait, wait, wait. Can we just replay him saying what his name is for the record? Again, just real quick. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, an aptranem. It's a name that's amusingly appropriate for the occupation of the person that has said name. How did you know that's a name? James Jimmy Sheerman. Right. Is Sheerman is cottonball man? I mean, I'm just glad that he gave a middle finger to God when he took this position. 51385 Pablo please, please, call send Ryan Cortez

more musical suggestions. We can find out, I don't know who the f*** Beethoven is. Shout out to Rage Against the Machine. God, none of this is a joke. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But rock music is amazing. Oh, say, it's so good. You don't say. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUT [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO This has been Pablo Tore finds out a metal-lark media production