The Dana Show with Dana Loesch - Absurd Truth: Blueberry Smoothies

Episode Date: January 29, 2025

A liberal CNN contributor asks how will “American women put blueberries in their smoothies” if illegal immigrants are deported. Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders went on an unhinged rant about onesies to RFK Jr.Please visit our great sponsors:All Family Pharmacyhttps://AllFamilyPharmacy.com/DanaUse code Dana10 for 10% off your entire order.  Byrnahttps://byrna.com/dana2025 is a great time to think about your self-defense options.  Visit Byrna.com/Dana to receive 10% off your purchase.  GoldcoGet your free Gold and Silver kit and see if your order qualifies for a 10% instant match in bonus silver.  Visit https://DanaLikesGold.com HumanNhttps://humann.comSupport your metabolism and healthy blood sugar levels with Superberine by HumanN.  Find it now at your local Sam’s Club next to SuperBeets Heart Chews.  KelTechttps://KelTecWeapons.comInnovation. Performance. Keltec. Learn more at KelTecWeapons.com today.Native Pathhttps://GetNativePath.com/DanaStock up on NativePath Collagen for up to 45% off, plus free shipping!Patriot Mobilehttps://patriotmobile.com/DanaMake the switch today and get a FREE MONTH of service with promo code Dana at PatriotMobile.com/Dana.PreBornhttps://preborn.com/danaDuring Sanctity of Life month donate securely by dialing #250 and say keyword BABY or visit Preborn.com/DANA. ReadyWisehttps://readywise.comUse promo code Dana20 to save 20% on your entire purchase.Relief Factorhttps://relieffactor.comTurn the clock back on pain with Relief Factor.  Get their 3 week quick start for only $19.95 today! Call 1-800-4-RELIEF or visit ReliefFactor.com  Tax Network USAhttps://TNUSA.com/DANADon’t let the IRS’s aggressive tactics control your life empower yourself with Tax Network USA’s support.  Call 1(800)958-1000 or visit TNUSA.com/DANA

Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast, sponsored by Keltec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. All right. So first up here, a, let's do this one. A Florida, how, why do you, why, I don't know why anybody would just steal somebody's plane because it's not like they can't track you. So a Florida man was arrested after a stolen plane made an emergency land.

on Half Moon Bay Beach. It was a small plane, San Mateo County Sheriff's Office. The FAA was tracking it. There were no injuries. The pilot was the only person on board. The way that he landed this thing, it landed nose first in the sand. That's how Juan's showing you how the guy landed the plane. It is a wonder that he didn't crash the thing.

Like totally. It's wild. They said that a witness saw the guy, one witness saw the guy steal it, another witness saw him land it. So they took custody of him. Luis Ari's from Miami-Dade County. He was taken into custody. He stole it out of a Palo Alto airport. So there you go. Just why. Why are people the way they are? Why? Like for no reason. There's like no reason at all why he should why he should take that. But he did. He just, you know, I need a plane. Oh, man. I don't really want to get this one. Guess who sent this one?

Florida Raider listener Amber All the worst ones Are for her And then Kane Kane is number two Oh did I do that?

A Florida man sat on a firearm And he was he was He's apparently a felon And he was in a legal possession And he was trying I guess to hide it He sat on it in the car And shot himself in the crank Yeah

You know criminals don't have the best firearm Handling I got to say This isn't Jacksonville. They said the 30-year-old man had a previous, has previous convictions. Now he's going to face charges of being a felon in possession, illegal possession of a firearm. Yeah, he just apparently didn't have it holstered or anything. It was kind of in a pocket.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Why would you do that? And he shot himself right in the crank. Just now he had NSF surgery. He underwent surgery. Never do that. Oh, man.

Let's see here. Oh, I got more. I got more. a Cocoa Beach principal and a teacher were arrested at a house party with over 100 students who were drinking. Yeah, they face charges. Cocoa Beach Elementary School principal.

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Tell them Dana sent you. What are all these white women going to do with their smoothies? Audio sound bite six, please. I don't want to hear that they're doing work that no one else will do. Talk to guys in the building trades, plumbers, contractors.

Farming, picking strawberries. I mean, I can't wait. These building trades guys are being, are being hurt. I can't wait. I can't wait. Until American women can't get blueberries. for their smoothies.

I don't like smoothies because it's baby food. I like to chew my food. I don't like liquefying everything. First off, what in the vocal fry hell did I just hear? Like, my voice is low because I'm sick. I would literally have throat surgery if my voice sounded like hers. What in the vocal? Oh my gosh.

Don't forget about the berries. What about the American women that need their smithes? Yeah, what is? what is that who is this chick she's a Democrat strategist I've never heard of her I have legit never heard of extension make extension

head I've never heard of her some of these people that you have to realize in comments where I'm going to get mean some of these people you got to realize they get into political punditry all they do is just read like the political headlines that are emailed to them every day and that's the limits of their

analysis no their work is trying to be political influencing. So they go and they get their blots and they get all this and they go on CNN and they talk about smithes. Can I hear that one more time? Because I'm not going to stop making fun of it. It deserves it. Do it. I don't want to hear that they're doing work that no one else

will do. Talk to guys in the building trades, plumbers, contractors. I am. Picking strawberries. All right. I mean, I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. Until American women can't get blueberries for their smoothies. Why does she pull her mouth down like that?

She does this. If you're watching on the simulcast I'm making a face. I can't wait. I can't wait until. I don't understand this. So she just thinks, so the blonde blue-eyed Marxist predictably, or she blew, I don't know,

the blonde Marxist predictably thinks that it's all only, like, oh my gosh. That it's all only brown people and all they do is pick berries for her for smoothies it's how i imagine slave owners back in the day felt when abraham lincoln yeah she would she would fit like perfect and like some kind of like bozart's plantation mansion standing on the pro she would be standing on her promenade waiting for some liminide i mean good night scarlet we have to free all of them who's going to pick our berries jeez who's going to pick the berries She is exactly

That's when I think of like slave owners They think of Jenna Arnold Whoever I just know her name Because it's in the lower third He's gonna pick the bear If I honestly I don't know who the black women are on the panel But the fact that one of them did not slap her

They had to be deep in prayer To not do that Because I would Wow That's like one of the most racist things I've ever heard. She said that without an ounce of self-awareness. But that's the left. Like the left, everybody has that elderly family member that says things without filter and you're terrified because it's not even what they think. They just say things just to say them.

Crazy. They have no filter as they get older. I had a great aunt. It was like at the end of her 80s. She was like that. And we never knew what she was going to say. Like she would tell you if she thought your outfit was horrible or if she didn't like your feelings. food. She would tell you that it tasted like slot. I mean, she used to not always be like that, but she got like that. This woman's already like that. But the thing that compounds it is that she's a giant racist. That's just crazy. Who says stuff like that? Also, can I just talk for a minute about smoothies? I hate them. I don't like baths because it's people's soup and it's nasty. You're sitting in your own dirty soup and that's so gross. Like, who does this?

that it's gross hate baths number one smoothies smoothies are for baby birds and babies baby animals babies period it's for people who don't have teeth why do you do a smoothie just eat the damn berry you know why people do smoothies because they want to be able to put a bunch of crap in there sugar and all that stuff and then look at how much sugars in this stuff and then they're like um it being so healthy man have my my smoothie It's horrible. It's gross. It's like you're just blending all your food together. So anyway, there you go. This just blew my mind. That sound bite.

Well, he's going to pick the strawberries. They're not going to be able to get their smithes. I thought women were empowered. Go pick your own berries. Bitch. I thought they were empowered. Sorry, I'm under the weather and I just, I'm not going to watch my Portuguese. No care. Achieving vibrant youthful skin doesn't have to be complicated with the power of native. Path collagen, you can nourish your body from within and enhance not just your skin, but also your hair, your nails. By incorporating Native Path collagen into your daily routine, you can promote a plump, radiant complexion, reduce signs of aging, and boost your overall vitality, all without any unnecessary fillers or additives. Native Path collagen has only type 1 and 3 collagen, the most

important types, making up 90% of your body's collagen. No artificial sweeteners, just pure third-party tested goodness. It's completely flavorless, so you can just add it to about anything. your coffee or smoothies, oatmeal, or whatever you want. And the best part is that Native Path's peptides formula makes it more bioavailable so it means your body will absorb it easily. Start your journey to healthier skin today. Get NativePath.com slash Dana and stock up on Native Path collagen and save up to an incredible 45% off plus free shipping. Every order includes a 365 day money back guarantee. Don't miss out. Head to get nativepath.com slash Dana. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's for Dana's Quick Five.

Okay, so maybe it's because I'm sick, and I swear I'm not getting anyone contagious. I'm staying far away from everybody. Stephen Kane, do not laugh at me. So this, so Super Bowl coming up, it's still the same team's playing, correct? So it's another Super Bowl of the same teams that were playing each other at the last Super Bowl?

No, two years ago, two years ago. Okay, okay. Steve is real quick in there, two years on fast. I'm a fan of even. of the teams, but I totally am. So it's Super Bowl 59 tickets have just plummeted because fans are predicting Chiefs fatigue ahead of the Eagles showdown, so nobody wants to go and see it.

Also, somebody said that Patrick Mahomes looks like Darlene Connor from Roseanne, the original show, and I can't unsee it now. I swear, I swear, if you look at Patrick Mahomes and Darlene said by side, I'm trying to keep my voice very even keel because if I get excited, it disappears. stop it i'm going to start coughing this is so you can't unsee it everyone out there's dying google patrick mahomes and darling connor i promise you it's going to be the funniest thing you see all day all right a starbucks staff has been given a panic button for laptop lurkers who won't leave this staff they say it's a clamp down on the open door stance it's prompting them to provide

training so these people come in with their laptops and they sit there at the table forever and they don't get up, they don't move, they just keep at the table. And if the baristas try to move them, like people get into arguments, it gets real hairy. It's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. But still, scientists are using genetic why? Scientists are having to genetically engineer mice to give them two daddies. This isn't China. I don't believe that they've done this because it's China and they lie about everything. They've manipulated, they say they've manipulated embryonic stem cells to create, excuse me, lab mice with two daddies that managed to live to adulthood, although with significant developmental abnormalities.

They say it's a noteworthy achievement. You created two jacked-up mice? How is that a significant noteworthy achievement? My thoughts on it are they've done this probably for decades. Is there an award that you get for making jacked-up mice? Is that the award that they're going for? because if it's a jacked-up mice award and they're going for that,

I think that might work out for them. So just saying, it's China. Let's see. Oh, Quentin Tarantino condemns the current state of the movie industry. He's been doing this forever, though. He says it's a show pony exercise.

Then make more movies, Quentin. You're only 61 years young. Make more movies. He keeps saying, like, what, the next movie will be his last movie? If you want to save the industry, Quentin, you're going to make more movies. don't you leave us now.

This, Trump calls on Musk. Oh, this is interesting. So you remember the NASA astronauts that are stuck up in the International Space Station? They were supposed to be there for like, what, eight days? And they ended up being there now for like months and months. They're not going to be back until March. Trump calls on Musk to bring these stranded astronauts home. The plan's kind of already underway.

So it was something that Elon Musk was already doing, but now Trump is saying, trying to, I guess, accelerate it. So a man has lost nearly all his fingers in a New York machete attack. Oh, there you go. We need a machete control. Four fingers chopped off while he was walking his dog. He came across another dog walker. The dog began trying to play with the other dog because their dogs.

And then one man's, there was a, they said that one dog was on a lead. The other one wasn't. And then, long story short, somebody got angry, pulled out a surprise machete from inside. coat and chop the man's fingers off. Surprise machete. Something I didn't have on my list. We have a lot more coming up. Can I have the onesies audio?

Can I have this? I need to hear this. I'm sorry. I want to hear Bernie Sanders get really mad about onesies in the RFK Jr. hearing. Let me know when we have it because I just need him screaming about onesies

to make my life happy. Juan's pulling it up. I'm telling me what's called onesies. These are little things clothing for babies. One of them is titled, Unfaxed, Unafraid. Next one, and they're sold for 26 bucks apiece, by the way. Next one is no Vax, no problem. Now, you're coming before this committee and you say you're pro-vaccine. Just want to ask some questions.

And yet your organization is making money selling a child's product to parents for 26 bucks, which has fundamental doubt on the user. of vaccines. Can you tell us now that you will, now that you are pro-vaccine, that you're going to have your organization take these products off the market? Senator, I have no power over that organization. I'm not part of it. I reside from the board. That was just a few months ago. You founded that. Wait a minute. Can I just hold up? I want the first part of that on replay forever, where he talks about onesies because it's hysterical.

Can you imagine him like selling what's called onesies? These are called onesies. The things, little things for babies. I weigh them sometimes too. They are selling what's called onesies. These are little things clothing for babies. Little clothing for babies. These onesies.

Hey, you know, forget about it. Little things for babies, you know. He's mad because he put a Novak slogan on a onesie. But he's not mad that his party is like, oh, you want to slop off your dong? Go right ahead. Chippity chop. Slap chop.

Right? I mean, that's what they make it out to be, like a QVC in and out. Bernie, three houses Sanders, doesn't seem to care much about that. But somehow the onesies are being. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Novax onesies are the big problem. But having the whole idea of cutting off your genitals, if you're cutting off a kid's genitals,

because the parent has this like munchausen's bioproxy syndrome, them. And that's true. I don't even have any babies, but I want to buy the onesie. Am I the only one that wants to do? But you've had babies. Yeah, I've had babies. Body suits for women are just onesies.

They are just bigger onesies. That's exactly it. I kind of want to buy them. I'm just like, why is he not mad about that? And I'm mad that RFK Jr. didn't respond with that. What RFK Jr. should have said is, well, if I, Senator, if I would have put, you know, schlong, no problem, and then a chop, like a, yeah, like a hatchet or a meat cleaver on there, would that have been more acceptable to you and your party's sensibilities? Or breasts, no problem, and then, you know, a meat cleaver and two boobs.

Would that have better, excuse me, with that, I'm under the weather. Would that have better suited your party's sensibilities? That's what he should have. That's what I would have asked. But I would have asked that more graphic language. Using scientific terms, don't think ill of me. I would have asked them scientific terms, you know. Would that have pleased your party's sensibilities more? That's what he should have said. What would Bernie have said then? So you're mad about the Vax. But you're mad, you're not mad about the chopping off literally of male copulatory organs and female copulatory organs. And female copulatory organs. organs as minors, like gender experimental surgery unnecessarily as minors, you're not upset about that. What would they have done? They would have been mad. I'm actually madder at RFK Jr. right now because he didn't do that. Then I am almost at anything at this moment. Because that was a, that would have been a million dollar audio sound bite.

That had been a million dollar sound bite, you guys. Can you imagine? Well, I can't do his voice. Well, Senator Sanders, would it have better pleased your party's sensibilities if I had a onesie, you know, the little thing for babies, as you said, that showed a penis and a meat clover, you know? Would you have been happier with that, you know, to support the gender mutilation, scientific experimentation, whatever, surgery stuff? Would you have liked that better? And then just see what he says. You wind him up and then let him go. and just let him go.

What would he have said to that? He had just spluttered. He would have, like, gestured. I think his hair would have stood up. I don't know. That's what he should have done. That's how you respond to that. I mean, can I have the onesie one more time?

I got to have it. Can I have that also in my board? I went out of my board here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to need it. Tell me what's called onesies. These are little things clothing for babies. Onesies, little things, clothing for babies.

He sounds literally like a character on the Mighty Bush. Pocket Cup. I mean, that's what he sounds like right there. He sounds like, he sounds like a character for Mighty Boosh. You know what he sounds like? Hold up, hold up. He sounds like Rich Fulter. You guys know, if you've never watched this,

it's the craziest show ever, but that's exactly who he sounds like. He sounds like Bob Fossil from Mighty Boosh. You know, you know, what is he called? The windy mover. He can't name any of the animals at the zoo. It's a snake, right? The snake, it's the long, windy mover, you know.

Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.