The Dana Show with Dana Loesch - Absurd Truth: Call Me, Beep Me

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Huge numbers of Hezbollah fighters have been injured when their pagers exploded from an Israeli cyber attack. Meanwhile, the Navy launches the USS New Jersey, the first US submarine built for both genders.Please visit our great sponsors:Black Rifle Coffeehttps://blackriflecoffee.com/danaUse code DANA to save 20% on your next order.  Byrnahttps://byrna.com/danaVisit today for 10% off and get the protection you need.  Cozy Earthhttps://cozyearth.com/danaGet the ultimate in comfort at up to 40% off with code DANA. Hillsdalehttps://danaforhillsdale.comVisit DanaForHillsdale.com to pick your new favorite podcast today on the Hillsdale College Podcast Network.  KelTechttps://KelTecWeapons.comInnovation. Performance. Keltec. Learn more at KelTecWeapons.com today.Patriot Mobilehttps://patriotmobile.com/danaGet a free month of service with code Dana.ReadyWise https://readywise.comUse promo code Dana20 to save 20% on any regularly priced item.Tax Network USAhttps://TNUSA.com/DANADon’t let the IRS control your life—empower yourself with Tax Network USA. Visit TNUSA.com/DANA

Dana Lashes Absurd Truth podcast, sponsored by Keltec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida man. I just keep looking at these memes about the Hesbola getting paged. It's paging Hesbola. All right.

So a Florida man used a syringe. This is so gross. This is like such a Florida story. A Florida man allegedly used a syringe to squirt a grody on known liquid on a girl's backside at a Ross dress for less and then started filming. It also looks like someone drew his hair on his head with a Sharpie. It's true. 25-year-old Florida man is behind bars for this.

Sean Edward Yerby is facing a felony charge of battery on a child involving bodily fluids and a misdemeanor battery charge. he's also accused of tampering with evidence per records. They got his ABC affiliate, WPLG got his arrest report. They said that the girl told Miami Dade Police she was shopping at the store when patrons came up to her and told her that a guy in a Miami Dolphins hat was squirting from a syringe, the stuff on the back of her jeans shorts and then filming her. And oh my gosh. So they found, oh gosh, it's so gross. I'm not going to share anything about what was in the syringe because it's probably,

Yes, it's exactly what you thought it was. Exactly. And yeah, and he's on, he's in jail. Man, we dated corrections, $8,500 bond. See, this is why you carry, just saying. Why would you shoot and kill that man for doing that? Why would that man volunteer to be shot and killed by doing that? Just, you know, that's the question.

Oh, why are people so gross? This Florida man, geez. Florida man was yelling, take me to jail. at the cops as he drove down the road with his lawnmower. He was obviously super drunk. He was videotaped. Video taped, really.

He was just recorded driving a lawnmower on the main road. And as police caught up with him, which wasn't difficult. We can't play any of this audio, by the way. Because, it's a news week. According to the video, though, after the officers caught up to him, he was yelling at them, take me to jail, the Florida man named Paul Burke. he was arrested on charges of driving under the influence. I mean, he was on a lawnmower, but he was, you know, drunk.

And he apparently had three other DUI charges. And he was trying to drive a lawnmower down the highway, which you can't do, by the way. And then I just yelling, take me to jail. Just you can't do that. A Florida man threw a toilet through a window. And then this is in East St. Louis. He's a Florida man in East St. Louis. He chucked a commode from a toilet chucker.

I don't know. He chucked a commode. mode and then through a window of a school board headquarters and then apparently he has another one

to launch. They found 36-year-old Dave Tolover a block away. Police were sure that they had the right guy because he was sitting on the second toilet

that he was about to chuck. And so now he's in custody on a charge of criminal damage to property class C felony on $10,000 bond. So the guy who chucked the toilet is just on

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It's the P-15. Tell them Dana sent you. You guys remember Pagers? That was like a big thing in high school. Pagers. If you had a pager, according to Nana, you were a drug dealer or a doctor. One of the two. Like, there's no in between. Yeah, there's no in between.

You were either a doctor or a drug dealer, according to Nana. If you had a pager. But can I just point out, like, I get it if you're like a doctor and like you get like a 911 code on your, I get that. But if you're a regular person with a pager, like you had to go and find a phone and call somebody that was so dumb. You know it? You know how dumb that was?

How did we live before call waiting? Or call waiting, call or ID. How did we live before that? I mean, now I can ignore people's call so much. more easily with call or ID than, you know, I could ever before. That makes you not one of you, makes you, makes it easier to not use your phone. Anyway, the reason I bring this up with Hezbollah, they nine dead, 2,800 injured. The Israeli defense minister warned, look, the, he was telling the United States, look, the clock is running out on having a diplomatic solution.

The diplomatic solution coming from Democrats that are running the government is, well, let's just sit around and do nothing. Maybe it'll fall, maybe it'll resolve itself. Just don't do anything. So today, the Israelis alerted a bunch of people in Hezbollah in Beirut. Their pagers were rigged with explosives. And they all went off this morning. It was pager detonations. And they said that a lot of people were wounded, 200 critically eight killed in the explosions. Thousands of Hezbollah members were seriously wounded. Thousands of Hezbollah members. It was in, they said one Reuters journalist themselves specifically saw 10 Hezbollah members bleeding to death from wounds. And they said that the pagers were owned by a number of workers in various Hezbollah units and institutions.

And they exploded. And the detonations of these pagers used by the group killed some of their fighters. I just want to know how this was carried out because it's quite genius. the Wall Street Journal reported that apparently hundreds of these Hasbilla members had these devices and what they speculated was that it was malware that caused them to heat up and explode. That is so genius and also terrifying, but that is so genius. I mean, wow. I mean, you know, you got to protect your people.

How you got to protect it. And Hasbill is like, it's a big security breach. No joke, huh? they said that the biggest security breach they've been subjected to. I mean, there's video of it detonating. There's some, there's some crazy story, Kane. I mean, the photos are crazy. They, ambulance is rushing about everywhere.

Leviton's health ministry urged health workers to head to hospitals. I mean, they're all Hezbole of people. That's the thing. They got hurt or blowed up. Kane, what you're going to say. So there weren't explosives intentionally put in here? They were just, they just were like, here's a program that will make the battery explode. I'm not saying that I would like to know how that works, but, you know, just curious for a purely educational standpoint.

And that's old tech. Yeah. Good Lord. That's, we're doomed. Why? If we don't get this government size down and their involvement in everything, we're doomed. Wait, even a minute. Why are you talking about us being doomed?

How many different battery things do you carry around with you? Like, obviously your phone. You have your watch. But I don't carry anything on my person. You don't have your watch on? Oh, I do, yeah. You're going to blow your wrist off. Yeah, I do.

Yeah, you're making me wonder about that. Could it actually heat up enough to do that? I'll look like something from Tropic Thunder. I didn't intentionally share these videos with Juan. There's the one in the grocery store. You see one exploding off a guy's hip and he just goes down. His leg looks all mangled up. Yeah, I never wear my phone on my person like that.

Like ever. I carry it in my pocket like that. Yeah, you do. You're a dude. do. Chicks don't think. I haven't like when driving, have it right between my gosh. You keep your fault there when you're driving? Yeah. I totally do not.

I don't like having loose things by me in a car. I mean, I'm really rethinking that right the second. Yeah. But yeah, I've done that. See, this is where all my little weirdo ticks come in, come into play. It's like, it's like signs, right? At the very end of signs, don't sit here and be like, spoiler alert. This movie's been out forever. It's not my problem. At the very end, the little girl that

water everywhere and it all of a sudden all makes sense the look the cups of water everywhere and mel gibson's looking around and it's like you know he's he's he's processing this he sees the reflection of the alien in the television which was genius is such a genius movie and he sees all these you know half drank cups of water and it's all making sense and he sees the bad on the wall you know you tell him to see and swing oh my gosh it all makes sense i feel like that's me with all my weirdo tics like you know i don't carry my phone on my person i don't like having bulky items on me like that except for a gun because I just don't I don't want it on there I don't I don't like to carry other stuff like that on me because I only want only my gun I don't have to worry about anything

else falling out of my pockets or anything else like that so I just don't carry those items on my person and also I feel weird about it like I don't even like holding up the phone to my head I don't even like that right oh man I'm thinking like earbuds and all this kind of stuff yeah I'm curious are the batteries that we have I can watch these videos all day like in the i watch and all of that. Like, are they different than the batteries in that old tech? Because then the malware would have to be a little different to manipulate the batteries that are today, I would assume. This is scary.

I mean, is it? I feel like we could already do this. I mean, I don't have a pager or a flip phone. But the idea itself. And don't you feel like Hesbola used pagers so they, because they thought that would be safer? Yeah, like they couldn't get tracked. Yeah, we're going to be a little. lower grade tech.

What, what? Not, no, that's going to happen. That long dude fell down like LeBron on the court. He just, he just went down. Did he really get that hurt? There was. I saw some video of a hospital.

It was like one minute of footage where they were going to bed after bed and all these guys have like holes in their sides and in their laps because they had these pagers in their pockets. Because they were terrorists is why. Right. Oh, I should warn people. It's graphic, but hi, you're watching my show. Did you see the number of them?

Apparently there was 2,500 of these. explosions of which several of people died and many, many more have like holes in them as they try to survive these injuries. I mean, that's what happens when you're a terrorist. When you go off and you do actually, those are actual terrorists. Not like the terrorists that the left tries to, you know, say exist here. No, these are these are actual, actual terrorists. And that's what happens when you're a terrorist.

When you do terroristy stuff, sometimes your pager might blow up. But you do bring up a good point with like the watch and all that stuff. Yeah. And also this laptop I'm sitting in front of. Yeah. Now I'm weird about, now I feel weird about my watch. I just like I, I, that was the one thing that I actually finally broke down and did was the watch. I think it's super convenient.

It's great. For heart health. Yeah. It really is. I was when I had like a little health scare that turned out to be totally fine. And I was like, oh, I can see the point of it. So I wore the watch because of that. Yeah, I was able to accurately track my sleep and all of that.

Yeah, I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't want to track my sleep. I need to. I don't get hardly any. Can I just say I will never under, I don't, I just don't understand the people who track their sleep and count every calorie and keep diaries of their stuff. Yeah, no.

Tracking sleep and counting calories are two separate worlds. Yeah. This is just like you're giving yourself busy work. Why would you do that? It's busy work. No, it isn't. The watch is doing. I'm just wearing the watch.

Like, you just know what time you're going to go to bed. Like, okay, I'll get this amount of sleep. I know it takes me 20 minutes to fall asleep. That's so cute. That's so cute. You just got a bedtime and you go to bed and go to bed and go to bed. No, no, I take melatonin it. No, believe me, because I am super, I get super hyper-focused on stuff.

I have a whole nighttime routine. It is an hour-long ritual that I do every night before I go to bed to unhook my mind from everything that I do during the day. I have to do it because if I don't do it, guess what? Ain't nobody going to bed. That's how that works. But I've seen your 2 a.m. messages. That's when my rituals interrupted, Kane.

So nobody goes to bed. That's what I try. I have to get an X amount of hours or else I cannot function mentally. Yeah. But when I do, when I am, I can go to my whole point. I just can't, I can't stand wearing jewelry and watches and stuff going to sleep. How do people do that? How do you wear a watch when you go to, I don't want anything that's like monitoring me when I'm sleeping.

I don't want anybody to know what I'm doing. Just not that anything's happening. I just shut up. I'm just like trying to sleep. The phone in the other room, but I'll have the watch on. And there'll be nights where I don't have the watch. What in the world do you do? Why do you sleep with your phone in the other room?

Because I don't want to be around it when it's charging or doing whatever. But you sleep with a watch. Watch on. Yeah. So it can track the data, heart rates, sleep. You'll just get a little radiation. Just a little bit's okay. Getting core type sleep or REM type sleep.

I don't do that. I don't care about any of that stuff. I don't care. I don't care about any of it. I really don't even care. Like, you know what? In the olden days, the olden days people didn't need any of that. You know?

That's very true. Slay. Except this is the new in time days. The new days. Mm-mm. I'm getting any of that. We got more on the way as we rolled awards. Yes.

Yeah, Gen X. I just, I don't need that. That's busy work. It's busy work. Hi, I'm Matthew, a theater major at Hillsdale College. Here's Hillsdale President, Dr. Larry Arne, with a Constitution Minute. The great Abraham Lincoln described the Constitution as a picture or frame of silver, built a guard or protect an apple of gold. This apple of gold was the Declaration of Independence and its principle of equal rights for all. This principle of equal rights, Lincoln said, clears the pan. math for all, gives hope to all, and by consequence, enterprise and industry to all. There are many today who seek to limit or distort this great principle by employing a distorted definition of equality and equality of condition or outcome, regardless how people live their

lives. This distortion, if generally accepted, will lead to an America less prosperous and less free. To learn more and get a free pocket constitution, visit constitutionminute.com. was furnished by Hillsdale College. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. This isn't news, but it is a news flash. I'm wearing the baggy jeans today. And I feel like I hate myself,

and I want to throw myself off the roof because they're baggy jeans and they're not black stove pipe, straight legs. So there you go, right there. You don't care? I do. So that's why I just set it on air in headlines. Do I care about Puff Daddy? I don't care. Throw him off a cliff and be done with it, right?

Oh, give him his dude. process, we know he did it, he's on the... But he got arrested in Manhattan for being a dirty perv, a dirty human trafficking pervert. I mean, I don't know. I'm immediately going to suspect you if you say your name's Puffy and then you

call yourself P. Diddler and then you are beat Pee, he is, he's the Diddler. That's his, that's gonna, you know what? That's going to be his newest Marvel character. It's the Diddler. He's going to go quick. But he was arrested in a sex trafficking probe. And I

I mean, isn't this kind of obvious like everybody? There were rumors about this for a long time, right? I mean, I'm sure even otherwise, it doesn't have anything to do with the economy. If he's a criminal, throw him off a cliff. Convictant, throw him off a cliff. You know, be done

with it. Let's go on. Jane's Addiction, Perry Farrell, issued a statement so they canceled their whole tour, if you like Jane's addiction. And Perry Forel spoke out about it. He's being a big boy and taken responsibility. He said that he apologizes to his bandmates, particularly Dave Navarro, and he said that, you know, he was, he apologized for it happening,

he apologized to the front, to his fans. And he said, you know, my breaking point is inexcusable, and I take accountability for how I chose to handle. So good for him. He took it. I hope he gets whatever help he needs. It's just sad. It's sad to see. Never meet your heroes, although I never met him and he's never been a hero. Let's see. Is it Hyundai? Okay. Because I have certain family members that say Hyundai, and I just, it confuses me. Hyundai pauses ads on X because they're giant female copulatory organs. If Elon Musk doesn't bend a need to speech censorship, then they're like, oh, he's creating a Nazi hellscape.

That's what X is. You realize that they're bouncing accounts that are in violation of the terms of service as soon as they see them, right? It's not, they don't, they have to be made aware of them and then they do it. But because it's not done before the person offends, the left is using that as justification for claiming that they're like promoting and nurturing a petri dish of not. social interaction. So they had a Hyundai ad that appeared next to a rando who posted stupid. He was probably a rando troll who posted Hitler content. And there was a Hyundai ad that appeared next to it.

And now everyone's freaking out about it. And all of the people who hate Elon Musk and hate speech are putting pressure on Hyundai to drop any ad association with X. And I just think that all of you people need to shut up. I'm so done with it. Like stop it. Like, you know what? They've done more to curtail this than the Secret Service have done to curtail presidential assassins. So stop. Let's see. Several dead after trying to cross the English Channel. Why? Why would

you do it? Why would you cross it? Stormy weather, choppy water, why? Eight people. They were trying to cross the channel from France to England. And they said that and of course they were people who were trying to claim asylum. You're an illegal immigrant. You're not everybody can claim asylum.

And the Norfolk Southern CEO was fired over an office relationship. Speaking of Diddlers, he's married. He had an inappropriate relationship with an employee, so he was big pimping in his big old CEO office, and he ended up being fired. So you know what? I just don't mess where you get your bills paid.

Just don't. We got more on the way. Stick with us. The gender neutral submarine, can we just touch on that real quick? I almost said the most inappropriate joke on air that I would have gotten fired for, and I didn't. But where are the reproductive parts of a submarine? Stop it. It's just the frank.

The beans don't come with it. Yeah. The beans have been removed. It's just the frank. And it's inverted. So it's gender neutral. I don't know. It's the USS New Jersey.

It's a fast attack Virginia class submarine, 135 Navy personnel. It's the first U.S. submarine built for both genders. Okay. I'm going to need a moment. It's designed to fully integrate male and female sailors. Is that a problem? Like, I just think, can I be real? I've known women that have gone into the Navy.

They don't GAF, okay? They don't need a boat for ladies. They don't need a lady boat. You know what I'm saying? Like, they don't care because they're the type of women, I just want to go kick ass. That's all they want to do. They don't need no lady boat.

That's a distraction. Those are the chicks that wanted TCB. Why do you like act? You know how sexist it is to act like, oh, well, there's women in the Navy. Guess we've got to make a lady boat. Got to make a boat for the ladies. Going to put these cup holders in it. You get lighted vanity mirrors, ladies.

For real. These ladies have testicles or no? I just feel like they don't care. I mean, I don't want to speak for women in the Navy. but, you know, I feel like they just, the women that I have known that have been in the day, they don't care about this stuff. And none of them do. They don't care.

Yeah, of those women, I'm not questioning them. Oh, you mean like these types of women. Call me, ma'am. Those types. I'm questioning if this idea was born of ladies with testicles being offended that they're not being called ladies. You mean men? Yes. So they said that the Navy, when it lifted its ban on women.

women in submarines in 2010, concerned about living quarters being too tight and lack of privacy, prompted the Navy to retrofit subs and designate washrooms. The USS New Jersey was designed for two genders from the outset with the accommodations like increased privacy in the washrooms and sleeping areas. I just feel like if you're going to go into that, you kind of got to know that this is part of the territory, right? Access to top bunks and overhead valves are also designed with height, reach, and strength of women in mind. Oh, so we're making things easier to open for the women? Yes, this jarhead to this nuclear sub to this nuke right here is going to be easier for you to access, you dumb weak women. It means it could fall out. I'm just, I don't know. Have you,

when we went on a tour of the some of the submarines in Hawaii, we were at Pearl Harbor, there was literally one bunk over where the warhead was. There's a dude who slept atop of a nuclear warhead back in the day. Just saying, they're built different. I don't know. I The nuclear-powered submarine was officially nicknamed Jersey Girl. Its interior spaces are decorated with posters and memorabilia representing the state, including a guitar signed by John Bon Jovi. Well, if you hate Bon Jovi, you're in hell. You can't get away.

You're going to be in the Bon Jovi ship. Going down in a... It's 377 feet long, 34-foot beam. But does it have lighted vanity mirrors, though? Am I... I just, why do they need to do this? I still don't understand how it's different. Like, how would it be so different that now women and men can be on there?

It's like that a man, it's a boat for a man and a woman. I can. Oh my gosh. I don't know, guys. Are the washing machines bigger? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what it is.

I don't know. But yeah, that's, is it a big deal? I don't think it is. I just don't know why they got to do this. I'm going to retrofit this. Let's just get it. You don't need to do any of that. With high for women.

Isn't it already pretty tight quarters in there? Do you really need to lower anything or make anything more like adjust anything for a tight for women? Because it's pretty cramped in there. And that, and those, and the subs that I've been in to tour. I mean, I don't know. These were olden day subs. I don't know if they're like bigger now.

I don't know. I've never fit. In any sub I've ever. I got a little claustrophobic. I got to tell you, going through him, I was just like, it's a little tough. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.