The Dana Show with Dana Loesch - Absurd Truth: Christmas Edition

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

Target has LGBTQ friendly nutcrackers. Meanwhile, The White House ignores a grandchild when putting up stockings.Please visit our great sponsors:All Family Pharmacyhttps://allfamilypharma.com/danaSave 10% with code DANA10 when you order today at https://allfamilypharma.com/dana

Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast, sponsored by Keltec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida man. Colorful underwear, people stealing wine and an explosive smart toilet. That's what we have on deck today. Yeah, I know, all these things. So a robbery suspect, police were able to catch him because of his very colorful underwear. A pair of multicolored briefs that peaked out above his trousers.

helped police arrest him a year later. This is what the Fed said in New York, the Associated Press. It happened at a tobacco shop in Queens. Three mass men got out of a Mazdaq, entered the store, according to the federal complaint. Two of the men, they pointed their guns at the employees and customers. The third robbed the cash register. But they spotted very colorful briefs in a large letter R in white in the year 1990 in yellow. And so a tipster passed along the Instagram handle of the suspect with the colorful

underwear and they and they found them. They were selling, they had sold the merchandise at another Queen's location. And so they yeah, they were able to get him because of his britches because he's stupid. Yeah. Oh man. Now, I don't know. I watched this South Park episode where they had

the Japanese toilets and I was like, that looks so cool and they're really kind of, I mean, they're very interesting. This smart toilet apparently exploded while someone was using it. Not because someone was using it. This man barely managed to get off his smart toilet

with an intact backside after smoke started coming out of the toilet bowl and the entire thing burst into flames the incident occurred on November 10th the man was using the toilet at first there was a smell of smoke the plumes of white smoke started billowing from the bowl it's like a witch's cauldron and finally

just as the man got up from the toilet it burst into flames he took photos he didn't even have time to put his shorts on but he did take photos it is pretty wild It was like all lit up. I mean, it literally looked like a Halloween decoration. Now, they think it was a short circuit that sparked the fire. And they didn't actually say what make this was.

I kind of would like to know what make it was. But, I mean, it apparently, I mean, it, there was this, I guess it wasn't made properly or something, but it blew up. But that's, that's kind of fascinating. That, just saying. Also, let's see here. Oh, here's the one I wanted. a so I got two wine stories there's one guy who stole I guess he's going to have a party he walked out of a Publix in Florida with 12 bottles of wine yeah I love how this Publix is on fiddlesticks boulevard in Fort Myers god love you Fort Myers

Tampa they're looking for that they couldn't catch him how do you not catch a guy who steals 12 bottles of wine no joke right they're like if anybody sees him call crime stoppers what he entered a Publix and then literally walked right out with 12 bottles of wine. So you could do it like that, or you could do it like this chick. A Florida woman got mad because she demanded that a couple buy her wine. And then she took a wine bottle and allegedly used it as a weapon to hit a woman on the head and knocked her boyfriend out cold. Sanford, Florida, Angelie Glenn was arrested Thursday after a couple, she was demanding

the couple pay for her bottle of wine at a gas station. She said that Glenn placed her bottle of wine on the counter with her order and they didn't want to pay for it. She got mad, threatened them. So she's in custody. So I saw... How do I say this? They have gay nutcrackers.

Now, Steve's response was that was a Tuesday. And it took me a second. But they have those. And they have apparently gay Christmas decorations. I mean, how much of an annoying virtue signaller are you that you have to put some sort of tangible representation of how you get it on on your tree. Well, I wouldn't have known how you had sex if you didn't have that gay Santa ornament on your tree. I mean, or the gay nutcracker.

Wow, I wouldn't know how you like to have sex if you didn't have that gay nutcracker. Why? Why does everything have to just, they do, they have these. I mean, it's the most, it is a joke by itself. This was not done to be humorous. They did this on purpose, like accidentally on purpose. So they have these, my, and for the people on the left who read with pictures, what we're making fun of is the fact that they feel the need to seek validation in Christmas ornaments. I love to celebrate birth my savior by declaring how I have to sex.

So basically, you're celebrating the birth of a savior with fornication. that's essentially what I am to understand out of this. That's correct, Kane, right? Yeah. Celebrating holiness with fornications. Like, scrim for chastity, guys. Doesn't make any sense. But I digress.

Do you constantly have to tell people who you are all the time with everything? What is the point of this? Does your blood type change? Do you have purple blood now? Does something in your, does something in you change because of your preferences in a private activity? Why do you have to have this all the time everywhere? The regular nutcracker wasn't good enough. The regular Santa wasn't good enough. You couldn't just have regular ornaments. You got to have gay ornaments. Yeah, I don't, I guess they put

rainbows on it. They're like, look, ta-da, no, it's gay. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Also, I don't know how to address this one. Because it's so over the top. We're making fun of it, and there's a difference between making fun of something and criticizing it. We just think it's ridiculously hysterical, no pun intended. It is hysterical. I mean, I just don't understand why, and I was looking on that, they literally have a whole category of alphabet. They have alphabet Christmas decorations. They have alphabet Christmas deals.

LGBT. They don't have any cue on there. Riot. I mean, I don't understand this. Why? Why does it, I don't understand. Is this being inclusive? Of what?

Of the gay community? So you're telling me that unless Santa is decked out like Liberace in rainbows, that he's hostile? I don't know about that. Is that what the claim is? I don't know. I just, if I was Santa, I ain't nobody would be getting crap this year. Except dictionaries and bibles, because a lot of people need it. Are they saying that regular ornaments are hostile?

Apparently, they needed special gay ones. They didn't feel represented. You know, the reindeer with the red nose wasn't represented of how, you know, oh man. Help me out here, Kay. If Rudolph changed his gender, he could dominate all the female reindeer games. Right, exactly. I just, I mean, when I get our Christmas ornaments, I have like, we have, my mom is one of those people who's like,

you don't put ornaments on the train list. It's like a keepsick. And I'm like, all right. So all of ours, you know, mean something. Either the kids made them or it was from when we were kids, something like that. And I just can't, you know, I was looking at like a Santa. He used to being felt, but over the years it just kind of worn off.

But I just can't imagine looking at that and being thinking and going, you know, quietly whispering, why do you hate gay people to my Santa ornament, you know? I put these ornaments up, but I think they hate decays. So they have a whole rainbow section, but not to be outdone because, you know, what's Christmas without exuberant virtue signaling from every single aspect of humanity? There's a Santa on wheels. I don't care. I just think, like, why was this necessary before?

Did it really ever bother anybody before that there wasn't a Santa in a wheelchair? No, it would make the story of him coming down the chimney a lot. less believable. That's what I'm saying. I hate you. Can we not? This is your fault? Oh my gosh.

I just, I don't understand why the need to go that hardcore, right? Do you see me out there like, where's my sina with guns? I got to have my sina with guns out over him. You know,

I'm not out there demanding that. Right? Oh my God. I'm not. I'm not asking, you know, for like a dead reindeer, a slung over his shoulder and a hunting rifle over the other. I mean, I'm not. I don't insist on a Mexican Santa.

Yeah, you don't have a sombrero Santa. Right. That's right. Damn that. They hate you. If it's not on the shelf, they hate you. Yep. It's what it is.

It's oppression. It's what it is. Yeah, it's actual oppression. Slavery, actually, because you don't have a sombrero. It's Hitlerism. Fash. Completely. Yeah.

I just, I just, why the constant never ending Virch, it's so cringe. Stop it. You don't have to have

rainbow everything. You don't have to have, I mean, it just, because it seems contrived and it, and it seems like it's put on. I mean,

you're making cheap crap in China and slapping rainbows on it, you know, where they would kill you for being gay. And they're acting like that's like somehow supportive of the, Alphabet community. I mean, the irony is so insane. And there are people who are just like, oh, yeah, I love that. So I'm going to get my gay ornaments. Get my gay ornaments at the targets. I don't know. I'm telling you what, Santa's just bringing everybody Bibles and dictionaries. It's all anybody gets to see her. Martha Stewart says she's not doing turkey. She said she's turkied out. She says that she's sick of cooking. She's done. She'd made 14 turkeys already.

for a TV show this year. She says she's turkied out. Is that legal? No. Arrest her. Throw her back in jail. In my administration, I'd arrest her for being turkeyed out. You don't get to be turkeyed out in America. By the way, your friendly reminder to put your turkey in your fridge. You're welcome. Yeah, your frozen turkey, put it in your fridge. So I have some other serious news, too, but I'm just, I was completely distracted by the gay ornaments. Oh, and then, of course, you have the stories that are like, there's backlash from people about the gap ornaments.

Do you think people are getting boycott fatigue? I mean, I don't necessarily boycott. I just don't want to be somewhere that's cringe in the event that it's catching, you know? I just don't go there just because it's gross or it's cringe or something. But I just do, I do wonder if people are getting boycott burnout, which you can't. really but you know for I mean for this stuff I just um it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't make any sense it doesn't make any sense to me but the were stories that have been written on this are oh people are there's backlash it's not backlash people are making fun of it the left can't even you if you can't

make fun of yourself for this then you're truly a shell of a human because it is hysterical all the the to have a whole section of gay ornaments is just hysterical. It is the most commercial thing I could ever think of. It is hysterical and you should be laughing about it because it's funny. But they're like, there's backlash.

No, we're like, Target really's having one. They really outdid themselves this year. That's what the response has been. Good grief. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. I got an

immediately start with Pumpkin the Bear. Hanson. I don't even know where this is. Hanson Police, W.B.Z News, say that Pumpkin the Bear is going to have to be euthanized after killing a goat. Is that not what bears do? I mean, it's a bear. Bears kill goats, right? They said the black bear has gotten a taste for livestock. Killed a goat inside a barn Wednesday night.

It's the second time pumpkin has attacked livestock, said police, although the owner's had an electric fence and reinforced barn doors. See, if you have to put down the bear, then why the hell do I got to carry bear spray if I'm going into like Yosemite I'm going into a park thank you thank you just saying the bear got his nickname in September

after he was seen snacking on a pumpkin in a residence yard he's a big giant black bear they said unfortunately he's becoming too comfortable in the area it's not his fault and he's found too many food sources he's going to have to be euthanized you people are morons

you are the dumbest people you don't have to euthanize the damn bear put him it you know what like put him in a zoo put him in a zoo or like a nature reserve or relocate him or something like that you don't got to kill him he's a big fat black bear yes he killed a goat because that's what bears eat could have him bear's food around him

I'm joking about that last part but flexible work hours can make your heart 10 years younger that doesn't make any sense to me what I think I don't know I think this is weird they said that flexible hours may reduce the risk of heart disease I think that this has to do with like habits and patterns and behaviors less so with us don't you think so?

Because nobody's stopping you from getting up and taking a little walk around the out. Nobody's stopping you from do that. I don't know. Some of these studies are weird. Exploding marijuana-infused cider drinks were recalled in Michigan. It's called, I'm really confused by this whole drink because it sounds horrible. The can is called Armada. It's Armada Cannabis Company.

Cannabis, apple, cider. You don't have to put cannabis and everything. Just like you don't have to put pumpkin spice and everything, right? You don't need pumpkin spice tires. Your fridge doesn't need Wi-Fi. You don't need cannabis and everything. 15,000 cans of marijuana-infused cider drinks. That, honestly, that sounds horrible. Cider should be not with that flavor in it. They said it's a single batch of Armada cannabis apple cider. They said they've been swelling and bursting. They said they've received the report to, have been from retailers, not from actual consumers. The Keynes in question lists January 2nd as an expiration date. Like, you do not have to put cannabis in every single thing. I think people are going overboard with that, like the pumpkin spice stuff. I really do. I think this is like way, there's way too much. Stop it.

You don't need to do all that. Let's see. The nation is at risk of winter blackouts as the power grid remains uncertain or remains under strain. Yeah, it does remain under strain. This is why you need to get a generator. But more EVs? Yeah, let's have more EVs. A cruise robo taxi dragged a pedestrian in San Francisco.

Yeah, see in San Francisco, the cars drag you. It's one of the driverless cars. The vehicle software mischaracterized where the robo taxi initially struck the woman, leading it to make the wrong decision. I wouldn't even have a damn Roomba. I would never get it. I would never do this. Never.

Stick with this. We get a lot more in store. Whenever they unveil. the White House Christmas decorations. And sidebar, I know some of you out there who are Republicans and who liked Trump hated Melania Trump's Christmas decorations. I will fight

you all day long. It was goth as I'll get out. I loved it. Those were the best Christmas decorations. I'm not going to hear it from nobody. They're like, well, it's great. I don't know what I think about it. You know what? They were cool and they weren't this hokey stuff that they put up in the White House.

Okay, right now, I digress. So they unveiled, you know how they have this big mantle in the White House. It's like in one of these reception areas. And what is it? For two Christmases, the past two Christmases, they put up stockings for all of the Biden grandchildren. And so it's the theme and the mantle reflects that. The theme of the White House decorations is like the magic and wonder of Christmas. I'm stupid. And they had all this stuff on the mantle as well. but missing from the mantle were those stockings because they hung up six stockings. They have seven, but they have seven grandkids, but they only hung up six stockings.

They had one stocking for each grandkid, except for five-year-old little Navy. That is Hunter Biden's daughter with that chick London Roberts. And so the White House was asked about it because they got, they were ratioed online when they posted a picture when a picture came out of the mantle and they just got they got dragged for it and then they ended up taking them down it was so bad and so they didn't even put any up this year they would rather not put up any stockings of their grandkids than put up a stocking that has little navy joan little navy june little navy june's name on it these are on you screw you people that is so evil that is so lame you're a grandparent and you can't accept your son's daughter

that he had out of wedlock with a dalliance, this London Roberts lady who seems like she's doing a good job of raising her. And I think she had to say a bunch of nice stuff to the press in order to settle with Hunter, by the way, but that's another point. But she had a drag that 50-something-year-old POS to court

repeatedly to get him to pay child support and to get him to do his due diligence to the life that he helped create. And Joe and Jill can't even be prevailed upon to acknowledge her in the form of a stocking at Christmas. What do they, what does it cost them to have this little girl's name on a stocking and represented with all the other grandkids at Christmas? You're, that's, you know what? I think for a woman

to not acknowledge a grandchild, you are cold-hearted and I can't say it on air. And for the man to not do it, I mean, Joe Biden, I'm good grief. You know, I, that's just despicable. That's not a family man. That's not an alpha man. That's not a patriarch. You're excusing your son. And then you're refusing to acknowledge the light that he helped create. I don't care what party affiliation you are. I have zero respect for people who do that. None. They are the lowest of the low, the scum of the earth for doing that. I mean, I call them white trash in the White House. I'm going to tell you what. I have some white trash kin and they acknowledge everybody. The people in the White House, they don't. It's disgusting to me. I had to get that off my chest because we were not going to prevent, we're not

going to push through anymore in the show. I mean, how lame is it? What does it cost you to put the grandkids name on a stocking. How much does that tell you about this family? They can't even do that much. So they don't have any stockings this year. They'd rather not have any of them. They'd rather not have any of them, no stockings at all. Now, what gives me, so they were asked about this. They were said, okay, so you're not going to have any stockings this year? The spokesperson said, quote, the family will be spending Christmas at Camp David, and their family's stockings will be there. That's right. Whether you can't see them and take pictures and ratio them on social media, they're going to be there, the stockings.

I wish the reporter would have followed up with, well, why aren't they on the mantle this year? Because they were for two previous years. Is it because they got dragged because they won't put Navy Jones name up there? Again, what is stopping them? I can't understand this. Any speculation? Can't you have any? I cannot understand this at all.

None. I want to know if that If Little Navy is going to be On that mantle Oh dude you know she's not They take a photo of it They'd virtue signal off it's so hardcore That's so lame

So they just don't have any They just don't have any They don't have her Not up on that mantle They don't have anything up at all That's just so that's so dumb But that's It says everything that you need to know

That's all it is So they got the Christmas They have statues Of the family's first pets that are terrifying looking as, you know, pet statues typically are. Otherwise, you know, it's Christmas decorations.

I mean, I just don't know why the media's not losing their mind on them. I mean, they have like a candy room and all this stuff. I don't know. It just looks basic. It just looks like basic stuff. Where I thought that Melania Trump's went,

I thought hers was edgy and cool-looking. But, you know, what do I know? I guess I just don't know me no Christmas decorations. Thanks for tuning. into today's edition of Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.