The Dana Show with Dana Loesch - Absurd Truth: Funeral Potatoes

Episode Date: March 22, 2024

Amazon sells a type of bagged instant potatoes called “funeral potatoes”. Meanwhile, the dictionary adds a gang of woke terms to iPlease visit our great sponsors:Black Rifle Coffeehttps://blackriflecoffee.com/danaJoin the Coffee Club today and get 30% off your first month’s subscription.ExpressVPNhttps://expressvpn.com/danaKeep your online activity private and get 3 months free with code DANA.Fast Growing Treeshttps://fastgrowingtrees.comUse code Dana at checkout to save an additional 15%.Goldcohttps://danalikesgold.comGet your free Gold Kit from GoldCo today.Hillsdale Collegehttps://danaforhillsdale.comVisit today to hear a Constitution Minute and sign up for Hillsdales FREE online courses.KelTechttps://KelTecWeapons.comSign up for the KelTec Insider and be the first to know the latest KelTec news.Patriot Mobilehttps://patriotmobile.com/danaGet free activation with code Dana.Wise Food Storagehttps://preparewithdana.comSave $50 on your 4-Week Survival Food Kit plus free shipping when you order today!ts list.

Dana Lashes Absurd Truth podcast, sponsored by Keltec. His life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida man. Hoo-hoo. All right. So first up, we, a man wearing a wig.

It is, sorry. It's hysterical. I'm not trying to laugh at this, but it's so, guy looks so funny. Okay, and maybe I was trying to stifle the laugh and it made my eyes water. Police in Central Florida are on the hunt for a man who was accused of robbing a Bank of America while wearing a wig. Now, he was, is that a face mask that he's wearing? Like, not like, um, pre-COVID, but like a COVID face mask.

See? Uh-huh. He entered the Bank of America in Edgewater, showed the bank teller a note as he displayed a firearm. He had a fake wig on, well, obviously fake wigs. He had a wig on. And, uh, he's a big dude. And police are sharing photos of him. He was in a long-haired wig, blue jeans, a white shirt, grayze up jacket, carrying a little black bag.

And nobody would ask questions because we're in that era where, I mean, don't assume his pronouns. You know, he's just doing very poorly as a woman. No, right? Am I right? You can't ask questions because maybe he's worried about the pandemic. Maybe he's a trans. You know, so you can't ask questions. Pre all of that, people would be like, you're here to rob us.

but now you can't because you're assuming it's pronouns so i don't know anyway so they're they can't find him now let's do rob to bank he robbed a bank and you're urged to contact a detectors so this is the way yeah apparently that's it okay you know the people that we're our happiest about the trans stuff and the face masks robbers bank robbers because like i said before all of that y'all would have been like that man's gonna rob us you to hit the alarm but now you can't hit the alarm but now you can't can't because it's considered mean. Maybe he's here to rob you. Maybe he just just started trying to be a woman. And he's just horrible. You don't know. And he's worried about germs. You don't know. I don't even know how this. A Florida woman was missing for days and they found her in a shipping container. You know, that happens sometimes. Yeah. It was Click Orlando, Marlene Lopez. She was missing. They found her the next day just before noon in a shipping container next to a business. They asked, what happened?

she said she didn't know. I was in one place and found in another. And apparently the people who owned the shipping container, they went it, they secured it for the night. They didn't know she was in there. But finally, they heard her, New York Post said somebody heard her banging on the, from the inside. And they called police. I'm not saying it's aliens, but. What the heck? Yeah. Well, she drugged and just stuffed in a container? Good Lord. Or aliens. She's wearing an early 90s neck choker. So I'm assuming drugs. because it had a charm on it.

If it was just a thin black choker, I'd be like, okay, maybe she's just, you know, retro. But it had a charm on it, and I always thought that was the trashier version of it, so I'm thinking drugs. That's my, that is Detective Dana figuring this out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Apple air tags.

A Florida man is accused of stonking his axe using Apple air tags. I mean, yeah. The girlfriend of Roberto Quion, of 57 years old, Florida man. His girlfriend left him in October, but began harassing her and stalking her. He would pass her home every day, duct tape, handwritten letters to her car's windshield.

And she also found Apple air tags in her vehicle several times. And then he was threatening that he would do something badder. So he's in jail, Miami-Dade, held without bond. Now this one, hold up. I want to, this is actually, I just think incredibly, this man is living in the future. Florida man was accused of posing as a drug cartel captive and extorting $80,000 from his wife

all to support his own drug habit. Yeah, a Melbourne, Florida man. He lied and pretended that he was kidnapped by drug cartels and he extorted his own wife for $80,000 so he could go buy more drugs. Yeah, Eric Paul Johnson, 29 years old. And his wife reported him missing. And then she said that she received messages from an unknown number demanding sums of money.

And they told her they, that apparently we're the Mexican cartel and we have your husband and she believed them. I'm just saying, as we move, our partners who help bring you free radio, it's our friends over at Keltec. If you haven't checked out the new generation of the sub 2K, you definitely need to do so. It's a game changer. It's a 9mm carbine. And previously, with the other iterations, you know, you take your optics off, you fold in half. You know, it's quickly, easily stowed away, and you can also quickly and easily just, you know, as easily deploy it. But now with the Gen 3, you don't have to take your optics off.

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comfort, a lightened action for easy racking, ambidextrous bolt hold open, and a new chamber indicator as well. There's all kinds of stuff on this. It's the new sub 2K gen 3, the 9mm carbine from Keltec. Check it out. It's the sub 2K, read sub 2,000 at Keltecweapons.com, K-E-L-T-E-C, Weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. I was thinking of potat us because do you know that you can actually get, okay, I'm going to switch gears here real quick. Why can you buy packages? of funeral potatoes on Amazon. Yeah.

You guys know what I'm talking about? They call it that. It's like, uh, it's basically like a, like a cheese and tady casserole. Yeah. And they call it funeral potatoes. Right. And they sell it like on. Wait, the recipe?

Or the, no. Like, pre-cooked? Like pre-cooked. Ready to go? Yeah. I do mine with like hash browns. and tady chips. I do.

People use what corn flakes too? Yeah, you can use corn flakes. You can use all kinds of stuff. It's a baked potato casserole is what it is. Some people, they have it chunky. Some, I've done it chunky, and I've also used chunks and crispy hash browns on top. And then with tady chips and that, uh-huh. Yeah.

It's so not healthy. It's horrible. It's basically a starch dish, entirely starch. But my thing is, is somebody sent this to me and was like, why is this on Amazon. And then I looked it up and it's actually, you can. It's like the food section. What? What? First off, they call it funeral potatoes. It's just a potato casserole. But they call it funeral potatoes because it's like, I guess, the dish that, you know, everybody brings at the, you know, visitation potluck or something, you know. So in the marketing meeting, they had to say that the term funeral potato.

would sell more casserole than calling it potato casserole. Apparently. Somebody made that decision. Somebody had to make that decision. I mean, it's, it's, it's just potato casserole. But people are freaking out because they're like, oh, funeral potatoes. It's just literally a, it's a potato casserole. It's a cheesy tady cassero.

It's all it is. It's not funeral. But the fact that you buy a bag of it, you're a lie as a person. person, if you buy a bag of funeral potatoes and you stuff it into like a Pyrex dish. That is a lie. It's like the easiest thing on God's Green Earth to make. Right. What if I just want potato cassero?

I don't want to go to a funeral or anything. Yeah, then you just make it. Right. You just make it. I mean, we have, we have Teddy casserole and we're normal, so we call it potato cassero. I mean, our families, those aren't we call potato cassero. I don't know why it got the name funeral potatoes. Is that like a millennial or gen baby thing?

I don't know. What is it? I guess they took it to funerals. Well, yeah, but like how to, well, why did it get that name? It's been around forever. I've never been to like a funeral, you know, after the funeral. I've seen it more at potluck. Yeah, exactly.

Like potlucks for church and stuff. I've never not seen it there. Yeah, every time it's at potluck for church. You got that, you got the green bean casserole. We should just call it potluck potatoes. Yeah, potluck potato. It's just potato cassero. Right.

But, I mean, it's just as. valid. But think about it though. Like are, if you're going to, if you know, you're going to a potluck, what are these funeral potatoes? What? I don't know. Why does that strikes me so much? It does. Okay. Today in stupidity cane. Well, it's our vice president. Kamala Harris. Oh, this is my favorite thing today so far ever. Her, her speeches are like potatoes. All right, listen to what she says here. And I have been fortunate and blessed during the course of being vice president. Have many situations where it becomes clear to me that there are, you know,

people of every age and gender, by the way, who see something about being the first that lets them know they don't need to be limited by other people's limited. What is she saying? That's our vice president, everybody. I'm so

confused. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. A swarm of bees halted the Indian Wells' open tennis tournament in California. Apparently, they appeared, went after the players, the umpire,

the officials, and some of the crowd. Everyone had to flee the scene. It was mass chaos. They were even all over the camera. It's actually funny. I think it's funny. It was between Carlos Alcraz and Alexander Zevrevev and it had to be suspended. Thousands of bees invaded the court. Don't you have to get

like the beekeepers out to deal with that, I think? This was in, ooh, South Africa. Literally, it's a theme part called Crocodile Creek. I'm already, like already my alarm is going off. A shocked crocodile handler almost lost his Frankenbeams when a 15-foot crock bit him between the legs after the man stupidly poked him with a stick in the enclosure.

It's aniled crocodile, largest living reptile, has the most powerful bite force in the world, suddenly whipped his head on. He didn't appreciate being poked with a stick. For the enjoyment of tourists, who were horrified, by the way, and began screaming as the giant crock kept the handler pen down. He did manage to stand,

and the beast with 64 teeth were at least allowing him to run to safety. But he F-A'd, and then he F-Oed. He almost F-Oed all the way. So, who my goodness, that's kind of, yeah. And then there was a dude who was swallowed by a 13-foot crock. He was saved when his wife beat the thing over the head as it thrashed around trying to drown him at the South African fishing spot. That woman's your ride or die.

Like that lady right there, if she's going to take on a crock for you, she's your ride and die forever. Let's see, NFL fans who went to the negative, really? It was in the negatives, the Taylor Swift game. Here, sorry, sorry, I mean the football game with Taylor Swift there, Kansas City? Apparently, the reports are coming out now that tons of football fans across Kansas City had to be treated for frostbite due to the 11-day cold snap. at the beginning of the year. Taylor Swift was in the million dollar,

multi-million dollar box. She wasn't out there with the pores. Come on, she wasn't out there. Let's see this. Oh, hundreds of pounds of pasta was mysteriously dumped in the woods in New Jersey. Mounds of it.

It was near a river basin in Old Bridge, New Jersey. Hundreds of pounds of cooked pasta were dumped in the area. Their origins remain a mystery. One woman who ran for city council in the town of 66,000 posted images of it in a Facebook group. Thank the public for cleaning it up, estimated that it was about 500 pounds.

It is an absolute mess. But, I mean, if it's biodegradable, do you really have to clean it up? I mean, is it bad? But they said that the, they were talking about the waterways got to be cleaned up in the environment, etc. Some people thought it was funny,

but I don't know. I really don't care. It's pasta, it's biodegradable. It's food. The bugs will eat it. Like, let's, like, We have bigger things than life to care about. Good night.

Ooh, new James Bond. Well, the rumor is that the guy who was in Bullet Train, Aaron Taylor Johnson, is now that he's been formally offered the chance to play James Bond and that he, the rumors that he may sign contracts within the week. I liked Idris Elba, but apparently the requirement was that you have to, like, essentially attach yourself to James Bond for 15 years,

so you have to have, like, that lifespan to be able to, to age within the role. And, you know, Idrisel was 51 years old. They're like, oh, he's too old for a Bond candidate. But he already ruled himself out because he was focusing on his crime drama, Luther. So Aaron Taylor Johnson, it looks like he's going to be James Bond. I think he would be a good James Bond. The director and the people behind it said it had to be a Brit. So we'll see. We have more on the way. Stick with us. I promise this. The psychological association, ladies and gentlemen. They have a woke new dictionary. They are upset with some terms. Like you're killing it, turn a blind eye, blue collar job. They say that they're microaggressions

or offensive. You're not supposed to say your target population or take a shot at something or you're killing it because it's a microaggression. So, Uh-huh. So this is the American Psychological Woke Dictionary. Gosh, that sounds horrible, doesn't it? This is what they say now. Okay, so you're, the term to avoid, like, you're killing it or you're nailing it. The inclusive phrase is, great job or awesome. And the reason, violent, it's a violent phrase. Take a shot at, take your best shot, take a stab at. You can't. You can't. say it anymore. Why? Because it's violent. You're supposed to say, give it a go or try. No one tell Pat Venetar. Don't tell Pat Venetar. You're not supposed to say, and here's where it gets super dumb, stand up for. Like to advocate for something, you can't say stand up for.

Yeah, because it's ableist. Wait. It's ablest to the people who can't use legs to stand up because there's... But they can stand up with their voice. What are we doing with this? Yeah, that's, yeah, it's abelist. You're not allowed to say turn a blind eye to because that's ableist. You also can't say, wow, you look great. What?

Wait a minute. They actually, now here's where I don't understand. I don't understand this. Boys, gents, young men, everybody, I need just the males to weigh in on this for a minute. Okay, so this is what the American Psychological Association's Woke Dictionary says. You can't say, wow, you're looking great. because they say that perpetuates weight stigma. What they encourage you to say instead is,

is it all right if we talk about your weight? You tell me what's going to get you slap faster. They're setting you up, dudes. They're setting you up. This isn't real. Run. This is real. This is real.

You're not supposed to say obese. You're supposed to say higher weight. You can have Dana's woke dictionary, unwoke dictionary instead of saying obese just say badass we actually should write one now that I think about it you have to say higher weight

think it'll be worth it yeah and you can't say have a blind spot for that's ableist I don't understand the ableist thing some people can do stuff that others can't I'm not like I had a friend who could bend her thumb all the way back to her arm yeah I couldn't is that is that abelous towards me

Yeah. I feel like that meme where that dude holds a butterfly, is that ableist? I don't know. You know what I mean? Like if someone can run faster than you, is that ablest? Oh, man. Like, I don't understand. I hate everything.

These people, I just makes me not like psychologists. Right? We should. I think we're going to do that. Trademark. Yeah. That's some just, yeah. This is also dumb.

But the thing that gets me, that was the while you're looking great. They actually think you should say, is it all right if we talk about your weight? Who? Do they, do these people who write these things? Do they get out, you know, out of doors with other people and talk and have human interactions? Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.