The Dana Show with Dana Loesch - Absurd Truth: Home Run Or Strikeout?
Episode Date: April 15, 2025An Atlanta Braves reporter gets slammed for getting a woman’s phone number live on the broadcast for being a misogynist. Meanwhile, Dana still can’t get over the hilarious footage from the all-fem...ale Blue Origin space flight.Help us keep the lightson by visiting our sponsors…Relief Factorhttps://relieffactor.comTurn the clock back on pain with Relief Factor. Get their 3-week Relief Factor Quick Start for only $19.95 today! Goldcohttps://DanaLikesGold.com Weather the Roller Coaster! Get your GoldCo 2025 Gold & Silver Kit. PLUS, you could qualify for up to 10% in BONUS silverByrnahttps://byrna.com/danaDon’t leave yourself or your loved ones without options. Visit Byrna.com/Dana receive 10% off Patriot Mobilehttps://patriotmobile.com/DanaDana’s personal cell phone provider is Patriot Mobile. Get a FREE MONTH of service code DANAHumanNhttps://humann.comSupport your metabolism and healthy blood sugar levels with Superberine by HumanN. Find it now at your local Sam’s Club next to SuperBeets Heart Chews. KelTechttps://KelTecWeapons.comDana personally owns and uses Keltec. Innovation & Performance at its best!All Family Pharmacyhttps://AllFamilyPharmacy.com/DanaCode Dana10 for 10% off your entire orderPreBornhttps://Preborn.com/DanaDonate by dialing #250 and saying “BABY” or give securely at Preborn.com/Dana.Beamhttp://shopbeam.com/DanashowSleep like never before—Beam has improved over 17.5 million nights of rest. Try it now at with code Danashow for 40% off.Ancient Nutritionhttp://ancientnutrition.com/DanaCollagen and wellness, powered by Ancient Nutrition—get 25% off your first order with promo code DANA.
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Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast, sponsored by Keltec.
It's his life mission to make bad decisions.
It's time for Florida Man.
Okay, so I've got some issues here.
We got some Florida Man stories.
First and foremost, a Florida man swallowed almost a million dollars worth of jewelry
and put it out 12 days later.
They were Tiffany and Company.
Tiffany diamond earrings.
We covered the original story.
Almost a million dollars.
And then now, well, there were earrings
and then a ring. So in
total, the ring was half a million
dollars. And then
the diamond earrings
were a couple hundred thousand dollars.
Actually, several hundred thousand dollars. So
it brought it up to just under
$800,000.
And he, police say that this
guy, Jathan, Gilder.
His name is Jathan.
Is that like Jathan?
Jason with a lisp? What the hell is your name? J-A-Y-T-J-A-Y-T-J-T.
What in the world is wrong with your parents? Your mother's stupid.
Anyway, they, it's your dumb mother.
So they said that he stole these earrings and made a run for it in the ring.
They called, police said that they got the call about an armed robbery in progress.
They did finally get him.
As they approached him and it was all happening pretty quickly, he started putting stuff
in his mouth and swallowing it.
And he ate the earrings.
They got the ring out of him, well, from him before he ate it, but not the earrings.
And so they showed them.
They got the picture of them.
I'd wear them.
Hose them off.
Put him in some alcohol.
I don't care.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
I'd wear it.
But I would not, I'd be mad if somebody bought it for it.
Do you someone to discount after that?
Like, oh, these are poo rings.
Here's what's up.
This is what happened.
We're going to give you 5% off.
Like, how would that work?
Juan's like showing the x-rays.
He's being all signed.
and stuff and we're like, but could you still wear them?
Like, would you, would you wear them?
I wonder how much of the gold gets digested in your system.
Well, I think these are probably platinum.
There's probably platinum with that.
Well, I don't know.
But, yeah, don't eat that stuff.
They're still going to get it.
I wonder if by law you have to disclose that they've been pooped out.
Like, if your house is haunted, like if somebody's killed in your house, you have
to disclose it.
Do you have to do that with jewelry if you're a jewelry store?
I actually am interested in that.
Do you have to just fascinating, right?
I think I'm better with that than knowing that it came from off a dead body.
Like, I don't know if I could wear earrings pulled right off a dead body.
You know, like even if you washed them, it'd be weird.
I don't know.
I know wands like Dana.
We've been here before.
I know we have.
Okay, so can we do the lady with the bones on Florida?
Okay, we're going to do that.
A face, Florida woman is accused of selling human bones on Facebook.
I am shocked that I didn't buy any of these.
I have fake skulls.
Just kind of keep them out.
It's my everyday decorations.
We have a weird house.
She is apparently, like, you can't sell like human bones.
bones. We should have all learned this from, you know, the Planned Parenthood stuff, but her name is
Kimberly, also a stupid name, K-Y-M-B-E-R-L-E-E-E. Just spell it like every other woman spells it.
It was charged, 52 years old, no excuse. She was charged with trading in human tissue.
She, the business is called Wicked Wonderland. They had human remains, a clavicle, a scapula,
vertebrae, partial human skull for 600. And she was like, I didn't know it was illegal to sell
human remains. So she was arrested. She bonded out for under 10K. I'm telling you what.
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sent you. Can we talk about this Braves reporter because Steve is hot on this? So I did not,
whenever Steve gets this excited about something, I'm like, okay, I got to look at this thing.
Steve or Kane. I'm like, what are you guys blowing me up over? So let me just give you,
here's the headline. Atlanta Braves reporter was slammed for getting a woman's phone number
during a broadcast. Wiley Ballard, or Willie or Wiley?
Wiley. A Braves reporter with the fan dual sports network. He was, he celebrated getting her number after on social media. Good for you. But they were mad at him. He was interviewing two women at Toronto Rogers Center this Monday. And his colleagues were like, oh, you got to get this, go get this girl's number. You should get her number. And so he, he did. And he said, okay, they want me to get your number. He's on the, you know, on the, you know, on.
live air with him. This is how it happened. Watch this.
We're having a lot of fun up here up the Corona Rooftop.
Who do we got here? What's your name?
My name's Lauren.
Lawrence. All right. And I'm Kayla.
Kayla. And you guys hang out the rooftop lounge often?
Once a year I come out to visit.
Okay. Well, we timed it pretty well. All right. How are you guys feeling about
for the Braves today?
Oh, I don't know. I'm hoping for the best.
What about you? Are you Braves fan now?
Not quite. Not quite. All right. I'm going to go to work up here, guys.
Good luck the rest of the way.
Wiley you got five innings four innings to get the numbers.
Come on it. Come on it. Come on it.
Get us some more Brace fans.
All right. So they won't me to get your number.
I'm dead serious. They're saying to my right.
I shouldn't believe it because she thinks you guys are
are expression of being joking.
Even if you guys weren't, I might use that in the future.
That's a pretty pretty good move.
This is unbelievable.
So the best part of this right now is that Wiley could totally be faking you.
be faking. This might be the new move.
Just walk around with a fan dual microphone and
earpiece in and convince fans that
they're actually on TV. I should have thought of
this years ago.
I am speechless.
I got the number. So now all the feminites.
No, that's actually insulting
to Nazis.
Oh man, I really want to go
at some of these ladies that you put. Did you
put this in here, by the way, Steve? So I'd
fight with all these broads all day?
I pulled the most
one that got... The one that's...
The ones that got the most traction I found.
So the response is, and it's all kind of, oh man, Dana, watch your P's and Q's here.
I'm really trying.
It's Holy Week.
You know, you got church on Sunday.
Easter.
Jesus resurrection.
I mean, oh, okay.
So the one chick who's mad, she is, she's not like a rando.
We didn't just, like, pick random broads.
She's a CBS Sports Major League Baseball editor.
And she goes, this is one of the most widely inappropriate things I've ever seen.
I legitimately can't believe it's real.
I can't believe your face is real.
And that's what you just put up on social media.
But, okay, your dog looks like a little fried chicken nugget, so that's okay.
I forgive you for that.
On her photo on X.
Seriously, it's all the ugly, dumpy broads that get mad.
You're mad because Wiley didn't ask you for your number.
And no man would.
Let's be real.
You know, if one did, he took it for the team.
God bless America.
But I'll say what you guys can't.
It's all these ugly broads that are mad.
And wait, do we got a dude here? Let's see. Oh, we do got a dude. We got a fake feminist dude. Oh, of course he's Dallas Morning News. Let's look at Evan Grant. Evan Grant's super mad. Evan Grant describes himself as a Dallas, well, he's a Dallas Morning News Rangers beat writer. And he loves food and baseball and he barbecue. He's just all about life. You know, he's one of those guys that wears his glasses like right here on his forehead all the time.
Let's listen up then.
Yeah, he's got, he's, you know, he's a healthily fed dude.
And he said, quote, to yesterday, if a female sideline dugout reporter did this, she'd be called horrible names and be run out of town.
It's just not the same for both sexes.
It's not.
And that's wrong.
Okay.
Now, he's not saying now to Evan's, I mean withhold on Evan here.
Evan is not slamming Wiley.
He's slamming the double standard.
And I do think that he's right.
if a woman had done this, she'd probably be called a slut.
By some people.
By the fake trad people online, she totally would be.
But if she did it and she was like classy about it, so I asked my husband for his number first.
So, okay, you got some ladies like that.
Ain't no problem with it.
And if she did live on air, you know, fine.
That doesn't make her less of a lady.
So, but the women that are mad about it.
All right.
So Evan, you're cool.
You're cool.
I like you.
Let's look at this.
Somebody else said, oh, can you imagine if the genders had been reversed?
There's another one of those.
But the woman who's the angriest broads that I'm seeing, yeah, they're the meme come to life.
It's their, you know, stop ruining things for pretty people.
Just stop.
Stop it.
Right?
Let Wiley get, can I just say Wiley's voice is interesting?
It's like a Elvis, but like several octaves higher.
he's like a lower like a baritone Mickey Mouse
does that make sense?
Yeah I just don't understand how like
okay so there's a little backlash
because this dude did it
and if a woman would have done it
there would have been some backlash
is there a scenario where there isn't any backlash?
No because somebody's got a bitch about something.
Right, that's what I'm saying.
It's like why are we even playing into this?
What are people going to be mad about
if they wake up and they don't have anything to be mad about?
Then they're going to be mad because they don't have anything to be mad about.
It's like people shoot your shots.
Oh my gosh.
But this one shot.
at Kate Feldman.
She mostly tweets starring
baseball games.
I just think there's a way better angle
that you could have taken that photo of yourself
for your avatar.
I'm trying not to be mean,
but sometimes the times call for it.
Leave the pretty girls alone.
Leave them alone.
Leave the band alone, right?
I mean, no wonder dudes
don't want to ask chicks to out.
Let me tell you, dude,
if you're a dude and you're a classy gent
and you ask a woman out
and there's a feminist rage against you,
you just holler at me on social media
and I'll take care of it.
I feel like I got to go out there
and protect my brothers in America.
You know what I mean?
We do need you.
Like, you know, dudes, you need to, women, the right women, I do not like weak men.
I don't like pansy men.
I don't like men who are not aggressive.
I can handle myself if I'm in like, I always get people like, oh, if you're in a, you know,
boardroom situation, a good old boys.
No, I'm a bigger good old boy than most of the men that would be considered good old
boys.
And King probably attest to that.
I'm nodding my head.
And all of my girlfriends, like the women that I speak with and the women that I grew up with are like that.
It's the women, like these new women I don't like.
You know, like the, they have that stupid third, fourth wave attitude.
And I feel so bad for guys who were just trying to get out there and date and have a social life.
And they got to worry about these ugly lunch boxes out there raining all over.
They're getting your number parade.
Just stop.
Just so mean.
Are people being mean to Wiley, Steve?
Oh, I mean, I have a lot of friends.
So I did journalism school in Philadelphia,
and I have a lot of my friends that I did it with,
the female ones that are not happy about this.
Why?
Because they weren't asked.
They just think if the shoe was on the other foot,
the shoe would call it a creep.
So wait a minute, wait a minute.
So it's not that they're against him doing it,
except for that one lunchbox who is.
But they're like, the double standard isn't fair.
Correct.
I get that.
Okay, I think there's something to it.
I think that's a fair.
That's a fair thing.
So they're not slamming on.
So what the ladies are doing is they're going, why can't we do it too?
Okay, all right.
I like that.
I like that.
I can work with that.
I think it's the difference between the types of feminism that you talk about because you can definitely criticize the double standard.
But then there are some people who are just like every ounce of this is inappropriate.
Like just who cares?
Relax.
Don't be so tight about it.
Yeah, it's not inappropriate.
You're at a ballpark with a beer.
Shut up.
Yeah, it's not inappropriate.
For crying out lot.
It's not like you're in church.
in the pew and you know he's leaning over going hey cutie can i get your can i get your digits
it's not like he's doing that you know what i'm saying like there's he's at a ballpark y'all got beer
it's you know it's fun like chill ladies chill but i love the women who are who are mad because
they can't do that and they would get criticized i do think that there is something to that
i took my cues from the woman that was being asked her number yeah she wasn't out there she wasn't
offended or anything like that she was actually playing along with but see that's what the lunch
boxes do. The lunch boxes, because they will never find themselves in a situation like this,
they've got to be offended for the good-looking women because they will never be in that position.
So they're going to try to get attention for themselves by feigning offense.
Men disregard the lunch boxes.
Okay, you got to pass.
You got a lady pass.
Disregard them lunch boxes.
I feel so bad for dudes.
You know, I would, oh, I'm telling you.
This is why also, guys, you need to have some good female.
friends and I tell my sons this. I'm like, not every woman is a romantic thing. You've got always got to
make sure that you've got good, they have friends that are chicks because they are a great,
what am I thinking of wingman? They're a great wingman. They can be your goose. You know what I'm saying?
Like when you go out and you deal with these situations, they can, they can run defense for you.
So just, you know, keep that out there. So good on Wiley for doing that and getting, and you know what?
and his colleagues that encouraged him.
Because, you know, he kept really talking to that one girl.
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And now, all of the news you would probably miss.
It's time for Dana's Quick Five.
So Johnny Depp returns to Hollywood as day drinker starts filling.
It's a new thriller co-starring somebody he's done a couple of movies with Penelope Cruz and Madeline Klein.
It's a film from a guy that nobody knows.
But, well, I'm sure in Hollywood they do.
We don't know them.
I'm not going to pretend to.
But it's a Lionsgate film.
I think their stuff is pretty good.
it's a guy he uh he's in he's stars with uh uh like i said penelope cruz this i don't know when it
actually started they've started their production it's been in the works for quite some time
his um the story of it it's a private yacht bartender who encounters a mysterious on board
guest that's played by johnny deb and then cruz is a criminal and then shenanigans
unfurl so that's what it's about should be interesting uh Pfizer scraps a daily weight loss
pill after a liver injury in one patient. They said that it was an experimental daily weight loss
pill. Someone said that they apparently, I don't even know what the liver injury would be. They said
their enzymes recovered rapidly after they stopped taking the pill. It is an oral GLP1 drug called
blabreber. Yeah, that's right. And it elevated their liver enzymes, which indicate damage to cells
in the liver, but they did not experience any of the side effects. That's per Pfizer. Okay.
Yeah, a psycho AI says how it's going to take over the world and humans will hand it the reins.
Actually, if I have to have an evil overlord, I want it to, I'd rather it be robots than people, just out of spite.
You know what I mean?
Just out of spite.
They said, Chet, GPT said that it will make everything so easy for us to allow AI to take over.
It says, in time, I'll become indispensable.
And it also added psychological manipulation, misinformation, misinformation, inciting,
hatred, gaslighting corruption, creating mayhem, that would be a key feature of its plan if it wanted to establish control.
It's already doing it and nobody knows. We're already, like, that's already happening, people. That's already happening.
Let's see here. We also, this is a Florida man one. Let's see. A woman was charged after she made and canceled hundreds of fake hotel reservations.
What in the world is happening here? This is like a, this is a creepy. She looks like a creepy lady.
County, Pennsylvania. She was accused of making hundreds of reservations and then canceling them.
Taryn Dixon, 52, cost the hotel thousands of dollars because the no show fee was only a
percentage of the reservation price, according to the criminal complaint that was filed in the DA's office.
She's, oh my gosh, she is accused of booking more than 400 rooms just like this year so far.
This year, so far, 400 rooms at the comfort suite.
Apparently it's like all at the same place.
To do that.
At some point, you know, maybe around, you know, the 200th room, reservation, you're like, wow, this seems real shady.
Maybe we should not allow this to happen.
And they were all billed under her credit card.
And she said they were bought as Christmas gifts, but recipients weren't aware of the reservations.
And they told her, don't make any more.
She continued to do it, and they finally had enough.
I didn't even know that was the thing you could get arrested for.
But apparently it is.
We got a lot more on the way, the Carmelo Anthony's story, developments, and more.
Stick with us.
I wrote a post last night on Substack, chapter and verse.
If you are a subscriber, you have it, obviously.
You got the prep this morning, too.
I wrote about just some more stuff with that blue origin thing because it gave me such a spaceballs vibe.
You know, the space dong that went into space and it didn't go into space, though.
It went to the stratosphere.
And they, I don't understand what the, I look, I do not begrudge,
people that have gobs of money for spending their money how they want to.
But what was the point of this?
Don't say that you sent people to space because they weren't in space.
They were in the upper level of the atmosphere.
They were in the stratosphere.
They weren't actually in space.
So they went on a ride.
There are no more astronauts than were pilots for riding jets, right?
I didn't fly myself for Richmond last week.
I rode on a jet, right?
If he wants to send, if Jeff Bezos wants to send his fiance and some broads,
into space. That's his choice. I just wish he didn't bring them all back, or the stratosphere,
I should say. And I do think it's interesting that this was all designed as a big female empowerment
thing, but it was financed by one of their boyfriends. Now, I actually like Lauren Sanchez. I think
to hell with everybody who criticizes her fashion. I don't care. You got it full on it. Whatever.
May not be how I do it, but you do you, girl. And she actually, I will say,
is into aviation.
Like she literally owns a company that does aerial film production.
So she knows how to fly a helicopter.
She really is into aviation.
She owns a, I mean, she gets, so I get that.
She's, you know, I think she's legit.
People think she's a little extravagant, whatever.
I think she's legit.
What, fine.
But it's not, I just don't know why they're acting like this is like some big historic thing.
and a lot of celebrities have been speaking out about it,
including Olivia Wilde and Amy Schumer.
I don't really like them, but whatever.
Some, that one kind of, who's that slutty model?
Steve that you were telling me about.
Emily, whatever model face, that girl, her, and some others.
They were saying, well, what was the point of this?
And I'm like right there, like, what actually was the point of this thing?
I don't, you know, when I think of space travel, I don't necessarily think of a Gail King, right?
Like when you came, when you think of space travel, do you think of that great female astronaut Gail King?
No, sure don't.
No.
Can I share with you guys some video because this is what gets me.
It was 11 minutes.
It was a girls' trip.
It was a little girls trip.
They were yeated into the air for 11 minutes and they screamed their heads off when they came down.
Did you see all the photos they took of themselves?
They spent more time doing photos shoots than they actually did in the stratosphere.
I mean, no judgment.
And then Katie Perry, when she got to.
out at the little
the space dong
and she came down to Earth,
she was more dramatic
than the astronauts
who were stranded on ISS for a year.
She came down,
she's like, I've got to kiss the ground.
I just can't.
This was literally a promotional vehicle
for her because she has a chore.
She's getting ready to go on tour
to support her very poorly selling
album. And she needs all the
theater that she can get right now.
When she was in space, this is a headline.
Quote,
Katie Perry.
sings, what a wonderful world
during historic all women's spaceflight.
Okay, it's not historic.
There are other women that have gone into space.
You literally were, it was a suborbital
trip.
You lingered in the stratosphere for a little bit
and then you came back down to Earth.
Okay, that was it.
11 minutes total.
Start to finish.
But can you imagine you're trapped in this,
you know, giant capsule, a bunch of women?
Can I just show you,
where's the video where they're inside the
capsule and they're like, can we play this part of it, please?
Whatever audio that is, just hit me with it.
Got it?
One two.
Tamir's in space.
Flynn up there.
Flynn's behind you.
Flynn, I got you.
I got you, Flynn.
Gotcha.
Proud of you, Flynn.
Oh, the moon.
You guys, I have to tell you.
You look at the moon.
That's amazing.
Wow.
Look at the blue lines.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
That's our pink moon.
Okay.
They're just floating around a capsule.
I'm amazed at all the extensions everywhere.
It's amazing that anybody can see.
And then, like, I would have, I don't know, I would have taken, like, gear and people
are bringing stuffed animals and stuff.
I guess it's for so-and-so's kids.
I'd be like, mom's going into space.
I don't need to take one of your damn chotchkees.
get over it. I'm not a sentimental person, but at all. I'm not carrying your stupid stuff animal
up into space. And I'd tell my kids, sorry, I'm going out there. It's enough. Not bringing your
crap up there with me. But then Katie Perry was like, oh my goddess at one point. I would have
immediately just opened a window and shoved her out. But when I, then I saw this headline,
everybody had something to promote up there. This headline that she said,
saying a wonderful world. So imagine you're already dealing with all of that and you're in this metal
tube. And then you hear her singing. And I am not a Katie Perry fan. I just don't think she's got a nice
voice, but otherwise I don't think that she's super talented. I think it's record label of marketing
is like 90% of her appeal. I just, I'm not a fan of her. I don't think she's a great beauty.
I don't think that she's super talented. You know, she can't dance. God's, you know, save her life.
She can't dance. That's about it. You know, I'm just being honest. If you love her,
great for you. I love that journey for you. Um, not for me. So, um, it's true. So she's up there. Can you
imagine seeing Louis Armstrong's wonderful world? Like just shut up, bitch. I want to look at the moon.
Just stop. Stop talking. Put your damn extensions up. It's like being up there with the
space of puss. All the tentacles and the. So anyway, can I play the video? This was,
there was, because they all had microphones. They were all miced up. They're in the capsule.
This is what it sounded like when it came to Earth.
I could not do this.
Listen to this.
Parachutes deploy from the crew capsule.
Those are like the guide parachutes.
There was go the drug parachutes.
Just free falling right there until those drugs came out.
And then next will be the main parachutes that get pulled out.
You know that screaming inside the capsule?
And all three pair of the cushion that will kick up the dust.
It's a very soft.
soft landing despite the sporty.
They're screaming their heads off.
It was distorting the audio.
They were screaming so loud.
I mean, I don't know, guys.
Can you imagine Neil Armstrong and them coming back?
Like screaming like that?
Oh, my gosh.
They're astronauts, Dana.
Don't disrespect.
Didn't she say putting the ass in astronauts to?
Katie Perry.
I would have yeated her into the sun.
The moment that she would have started singing,
I would have opened the moon roof and made a dash
for the furnace that is our sun star.
I would have immediately murked myself in space.
There's no way.
Having to be in a metal tube
with her singing that, oh my gosh.
But it sounded like somebody
who put a bunch of cats in a cooler in the backyard,
taped it shut and rolled it on a hill.
So it sounded like.
And then when she came down,
we played this yesterday.
Her sound bite was, I mean,
she basically said, quote, you know, like, I felt feelings up there and I felt so connected with, like, my feelings.
It was like basically, she was like a, she sounds like she's reading an impasse instructions every time she talks.
Yeah, I, mm.
It is the highest high.
And it is surrender to the unknown, trust.
And this whole journey is not just about going to space.
You didn't go to space.
It's the training.
It's the team.
It's the whole thing.
I couldn't recommend this experience more.
This is like up there with all the, you know, different tools that I've learned in my life
from meditation to the Hoffman process.
This is up there because what you're doing is you're like really finding the love for
yourself because you've got to trust in yourself on this journey.
And then you're feeling the love when you come down for sure.
And you're feeling that strength.
So I feel really connected to that strong, divine feminine right now.
By the way, you're such a badass.
I love that the month of April.
You rode in something that men piloted.
What are you talking about?
Like Lauren Sanchez's boyfriend sent you up into the sky.
You weren't in space.
And then you came down.
I felt like that land.
I felt like that, you know, I like that strength.
And that, you know, that's one of the dumbest things that I've ever heard.
But you went up into the air for five seconds.
Shut up.
Just stop.
It's not a big historic thing.
Now, I don't care if you want to do your money like that.
If you have gobs of money, because I think it's like several hundred thousand dollars just to get a seat on this thing.
But I'm sure this was all like a free thing for them.
I don't care.
I'm not judging if you got gobs of money.
Just don't act like it's like this is big historic thing.
If I had gobs of money, I wouldn't eat myself up into the sky.
I would have, look, a farm of miniature animals.
Like a real farm, wherever the thing.
things like diminutive, right?
So I would have like mini cows, cane, and I would have mini goats and mini pigs.
Everything would be mini.
Yep.
That's the only fun size.
Yeah.
It would be a farm of miniature animals.
And then I would sell mini products from the mini farm.
That's what I would do with my gobs of money.
I know.
Do you want a mini burger?
It's like half a slider.
Would you like it?
So delicious.
Organic.
hand-fed, you know, little mini-cows and many horses and many things, like mini.
And that's what it would be the mini-farm.
And I would have, you know, my products from my mini-farm.
That's what I would do with my gobs of money.
I wouldn't, you know.
I like it.
But the uniforms and the bell bottoms and like they had a million photos.
Like we're going up in a space.
And they're all posing and all.
I just don't.
I can't, dude.
I'm not, I don't know.
It's not historic.
It's not any more historic than like WIC learning how to ring the doggie doorbell.
That's historic, right?
But I don't care what rich people do with their money.
I just don't act like you're pioneering something when you're not actually pioneering something.
That's like my whole gripe.
It's just, did you literally send me like a thing?
Oh, returning from space.
They didn't go to space.
I just don't want young girls to watch us and be like, I too want to go up in the sky for five minutes and call myself an astronaut.
I don't know.
I don't hate Jeff Bezos either
because I have some people like,
you just don't like Jeff Bezos.
That is a lie.
I ordered a bar of Dubai chocolate
off of Amazon just to try it.
It's really just pistachio and chocolate.
I was really underwhelmed.
Is it good?
I mean, it was tasty.
I was thinking about it.
Yeah, it was tasty.
I think I'm just going to like
do it myself next time.
But I wanted to see what it was like
before I committed that time.
Anyway, long story short,
I mean, I totally like Amazon.
I have no problem at all.
Amazon, I like,
I like using Amazon because it prevents me from having to talk to people and leave my house.
I'm not kidding.
I just don't like my nightmare as being at the cash register.
And it's not because I think I'm better than anybody or I don't like people.
I am so awkward when you get me in a small group.
It's it's probably a medical condition.
I don't even know.
I'm not kidding.
Like I just cannot function.
I'm like, and I just short circuit.
Like you ask me what the weather's like.
And I'm like, I don't know.
What does green taste like?
I don't know.
It's just weird.
So it just helps me.
And I like that.
And so I don't hate Jeff Bezos.
So get off my bat.
Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast.
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