The Dana Show with Dana Loesch - Absurd Truth: National Gay Flag Football League

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

The Buffalo Bills plan to sponsor the National Gay Flag Football League chapter in Buffalo. Meanwhile, The White House decides to invite the cast of Queer Eye to visit.Please visit our great sponsors:Black Rifle Coffeehttps://blackriflecoffee.com/danaUse code DANA to save 20% on your next order.  Byrnahttps://byrna.com/danaVisit today for 10% off and get the protection you need.  Goldcohttps://danalikesgold.comGet your free Gold Kit from GoldCo today.KelTechttps://KelTecWeapons.comSign up for the KelTec Insider and be the first to know the latest KelTec news.Lumenhttps://lumen.me/DANASHOWVisit lumen.me/danashow today for 15% off your purchase.  Patriot Mobilehttps://patriotmobile.com/danaGet free activation with code Dana.ReadyWise https://readywise.comUse promo code Dana20 to save 20% on any regularly priced item.The Wellness Companyhttps://twc.health/danaUse promo code DANA to save 15%.

Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast, sponsored by Keltec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida, man. All right, so can you like honey buns, like the packaged pastry? When I was a kid, I used to love honey buns. Man, when I was in college, honey buns were the jam. Because I'd go and I'd have like a break. I remember I had one year in particular, I had like a half hour break.

and it was like snack time. And man, I'd go and I'd get me like a black coffee and then I'd get me a honey bun. It was the best. It was always the best when you had stuff to do, right? And you were in the grind. So why are you going to be disrespecting it like this, Andre Eason? Florida man from Pinellas County was arrested because he smacked his girlfriend in the face over a honey bun. Now, they were in their car at four in the morning outside of Walmart.

It sounds like nothing good is going to happen then. When the scuffle began, he smacked her in the face. According to the affidavit, he was placed in the house. he was placed in custody for domestic battery released later that day. So he didn't smack her with the honey bun? He just said he smacked her in the face. It didn't say that it was over the honey bun,

but not using it. Yeah. And I'm like, well, what was that, were they arguing over it? Like, what was the problem here? I've got some questions, but the article didn't get into it because they're horrible people who don't care about, you know, what happens with the honey bun bun. Honey buns are trash. And he was like, shut your mouth.

woman and that's what we've got. Yeah, well, let's see here. No, I'm not going to get into that one because it's nasty and I'm not going to get into that one. Or that one's horrible. You know, well, we could also talk about this guy. You're not going to get away from the police after you try to

steal a car by hiding in the bathroom and thinking you're going to lock the door and that the cops can't get you. That's the same logic that tells people, don't let your foot stick out out of the sheet at nighttime when you're sleeping because that's when monsters can get it. They got to respect the blanket rule. If the blanket's over the flip, monster can't touch it, right? So just because you run into the bathroom and lock the door,

to me the cops can't go in there and get you, especially if you try to steal a car. I mean, there was arrested. He called 911 from inside the victim's home. Why? Because he locked himself in there. He was trying to escape getting his butt handed to him by the homeowner who caught him red-handed trying to steal his car. Broward County Sheriff's Office deputies responded, and they found the victim in the bathroom. And he said, the guy was trying to hit me. He was hitting me because you were trying to steal his car, you weirdo? It's the matter with you, people. Gally, and he's like an older dude.

Oh, he's beaten up pretty bad. He's going to need stitches in that eye. But he was taken into, well, first Florida Medical Center, and then he's in Brow County Jail. He posted $5,000 bond. Keltek is a great company. 300 awesome Americans work here. George Kellgren immigrated the right way, came in from Sweden,

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That's K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com. Follow them on social media so you can be in the know when stuff drops. That's celticweapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. This is a real story. I made sure this was real. And it's on the Buffalo Bills site. So the Buffalo Bills are sponsoring a national gay flag. Flagglo, football league.

I was told I could not drop the L. I did check. They're creating a National Gay Flag Football League chapter in Buffalo. Now, my first thought was, do you have to make flag football gayer? That's my first thought. And my second thought is, well, I would think tackling would be a priority. And then my third thought was immediately I went to names that I cannot say on air. But I just, so they have like all these different cities.

I don't really know what they do. So I guess what makes it gay flag football, or flag football? What makes it that? Do they just slap a rainbow on it? And they're like, ooh-hoo, it tastes the rainbow. Like, what is? Wait, that's Skittles. I don't know.

But what makes it gay? Only gay people can play or they play a gay way? I don't, I legit don't know. That's like saying, we're going to have gay dodgeball. Well, how is it different from regular dodgeball? Well, it's gay. What does that mean? Well, we pause during halftime and have sex with dudes.

What? I just don't know. what it means. What makes it gay? Like that's, you see these differentials are so stupid. But I was thinking, you know, if I were doing it and I got, this is why again, shouldn't be in charge of things. Or should I?

What are you leading up? Well, I, you know, I love the idea of being a sports announcer, even though I know nothing about football. But I would be really great at like team names and stadium names and promotions. and things like that. Oh, no. Yeah. So Kane sent me a list of names, and I have a list of names.

And I just, you know, I was just thinking, how would that work? You can't use most of my list. Why did you send it? Because I thought you'd get a chuckle out of it. Not that you'd use it on the air. How long have you known me? A long time. Kick it, Steve.

Kick it. I can't play the NFL football music. Welcome back to Hershey Highway Stadium here in San Francisco. Where tonight. The Los Angeles Rump Raiders face off against the Green Bay grinders. Yes, the grinders were three all last Sunday against the Tennessee Ter burglars, and whoa, was it a game? And don't forget, Pittsburgh Poundown's incredible play last night against the Portland pillow bitters.

My goodness, it's all nuts to butts tomorrow against the Chicago Bears. And tonight at the Hershey Highway Stadium, it's Flag Night. Fly your LGBTQIAP2SBBQWTFTYL flags tonight. in support of LGBTQIAP2 SBBQ WTFTYL. Brought to you by Monkey Pogs, the hot new dive bar in Hell's Kitchen, featuring popular house band the Van Dykes, who plays Cesar Sisters tunes backwards set to dub steps.

Spun by Meow Mix, the proto-furry DJ Quintet of New York City. And don't forget Bob Friday, the Minneapolis Man Caves take to the turf against the Toronto Twinks at the Cubby Hole Stadium in New York. There's your lineup. The erection. Yep. Wow.

You'd watch that, wouldn't you? No, you wouldn't. I don't know about that. Yeah. It sounded exciting the way you did it. Yeah, I can create some energy. It was the things in there that you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, who doesn't want to see a proto for a DJ quintet in New York City, man? I need your analysis stick. Well, the Milwaukee manhandlers are going to be no match for the Nashville knobgobblers. Coming up next weekend there, Bob. Just saying. So is that what it's going to be? Now, here's my other question. Is it like dudes and chicks on the same team?

Or is it like dudes and then chicks? But then also, can't people not define what a woman is? So is it like, I'm confused. How is that going to work? Is it the full spectrum of all the letters with a rainbow alphabet, acronym, whatever? Or are the T's not involved? It sounded like it was just LGBT, right?

Oh, I don't know. Not the T's? I don't know, because they got some of those trans flag stuff in there. So that's why I'm asking. Are you going to be up against some like refrigerator parry-sized chicks on your team? Like, I'm just curious. Is it just me or should it not? Sorry, I forgot it wasn't tackle.

What? Is it just me or should it not be this confusing? Oh, no, it shouldn't be this confusing. But, Kane, we live in a new era where everything's stupid. So, yes, it is going to be that confusing. You know why? because we are an indulgent species. We are stupid, weak people, and we're indulgent.

And we've created problems for ourselves. We solved all these other problems of, like, diseases and famines and things like that. And so we're like, we're bored. Let's create some more diseases and famines and, you know, problems and instability. And then when we decided that wasn't enough, let's just make it real confusing as to what people's bits are. Yeah, let's do that. So now everyone's a his, hers, his set, whatever. But I'm saying, that's what you get with that.

about a whole month of this. A whole month. I agree with Annie Oakley who said, quote, I would like to see every woman know how to handle guns as naturally as they know how to handle babies. Now, I myself regularly concealed carry nine millimeter. Now that said, not every woman is like me, has had the hours of training that I've had or feels comfortable around firearms due to years of use or maybe they're by a gun-free zone. I'd like to change that what I can while encouraging self-defense at the same time. So this is where Berna comes in. It's kind of like a starter weapon. It's, they make a non-firearm firearm. I like the idea of incredible force sending chemical irritants towards a threat as an additional option for women. And the Berna SD model shoots chemical irritant projectiles,

68 caliber rounds that can deter threats in their tracks up to 50 feet away. I mean, it is hard. Easy target acquisition, zero recoil. Burna is legal in all 50 states. There's no background checks, no permits required. It's shipped directly to your door. Gun free is an absolutely. applicable to Berna. It's great for wherever guns are banned. Visit burna.com slash Dana for 10% off. That's B-Y-R-N-A.com slash Dana. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. Archaeologists find the depiction of a Simpsons character in a 3,000-year-old Egyptian mummy coffin. It's supposed to look like an Egypt warrior pharaoh, maybe sort of. But it looks like Marge Simpson. It literally looks like Marge. I think it, I mean,

it looks just like Marge Simpson. Green tube dress, blue hair, sticking up. It's really funny. I mean... And how old is it? Many years old. 3,500 or something?

I was looking for it. It's 3,000. Yeah. 3,000 years old. Wow. And I don't know why they drew her with only four toes, but okay. Five fingers, but four... Oh, no, wait, one, two, but... No, she's got five toes on one and four toes on the other.

That seems like an oversight. or is it? Is it? So it just, they found the mummy in excellent condition. Beat a dress. They said it was a very rare fine, but it totally looks like Marge Simpson.

Just saying, just saying, also, Star Wars fans abandoned Star Wars as Disney Plus brings on the lesbian space witches. It's horrible. They're ruining everything. This is Star Wars Acolyte.

It's an eight-part series streaming on Disney and everybody hates it because it tries so hard. to be woke. I mean, they try really hard. They have, uh, it's being called a, uh, queer Marxist vandalization of the myth of Star Wars and an embarrassment to the entire franchise. They said it's the gayest Star Wars yet. Basically, you can have like lesbian Jedi that can make force babies. Figure that out. Lesby, a coven of lesbian space witches who use the force to make force babies. Not even kidding. This is so bad.

It's so bad. I mean, anything where there's a... Like, women, all of my worst experiences have been in things dominated by women where... Because women are just... We're bitches. We're just to be real. And I can't imagine that this movie is going to be any different than human reality. So a man beaten with a bat nearly four decades ago actually finally dies of his injuries.

Four decades ago. Pennsylvania man. He was beaten with a baseball bat. And a corner has now... Local coroner said that his death is now technically... a homicide because the injuries called permanent, the assault caused permanent traumatic brain injuries and complications as a result, and it was diffuse traumatic brain injury that ultimately did it. So because the injury was permanent and it contributed to his deterioration and ultimately end of

life, now it's considered, excuse me, a homicide, which makes sense. That makes sense. British tourists may face lie detector tests when trying to enter the EU. people going on vacation to European Union countries, they are probably going to have to undergo lie detector test when entering with AI software set to flag anything suspicious to immigration officers. Checks are reportedly set to come in force at airports and ferry terminals as EU. Oh, they're going to tighten their borders to Britain, but not to like, I don't know, Libya and Tunisia and everywhere else.

Like, really? you're going to to Algeria to Afghanistan to Iran you're going to tighten your everywhere else but not there okay not all those other places you're going to let him go everywhere else

but Britain no that's so dumb that's so dumb a German MEP member of parliament was all on it of course they were the EV startup Fisker files for bankruptcy after suspending production oh I'm so sad

that's by the way that's the car company that the Biden's had stake in. You know that, right? That was the big fancy EV that he got from one of those Chinese businessmen with CEFC. Oh my gosh. So apparently this is what the White House was doing yesterday. You know, everybody's going broke and people are getting raped in parks and criminals are just, you know, deluge across the border. It's this guy. I don't even know who this is. I had to look him up because I have taste, so I don't know who he is. His name is Jonathan Van Ness. And it looks like he's wearing just like great value notori and you know

only like five people are going to know what that means and shows up to the White House and I love how ingratiated Kamala Harris has to protect has to act welcome back to the program Dana Lash with you just such a a circus of butt kissery right she has to act so like oh my gosh hi I cannot do that I would this is why I also Kane could not work as a publicist as you know because it makes me hate people more if I have to act like I like them. I cannot do it.

And she's going, oh, hi, yeah, come on in, wink, shrug. And then he shows up like that. He shows up in this like knockoff natory caftan. What is, Cypar, what is up with like gay dudes and caftans? Is that your only option of dress? Like you got to dress like a Mrs. Roper reject? What in the world? like why with your lank hair good heavens like product just good you're the worst gay dude i've

ever seen in my life is that other guy with him gay because it's a little bit better i mean his jacket and his pants don't really match his jacket looks wrinkled it looks like it's two different material one looks like it's a polyester material the other looks like it's a linen weave those are just two completely incompatible fabrics to wear in june why are you killing me sorry i was raised southern Baptist. You know, I was scrolling across that on my feed through X, and I saw it. You know, the first thing I thought was, like, oh, what, Jesus is visiting the White House? I'm like, this is a good thing.

To bring a plague? Right. To flip tables? Like, they were, you know, they were bringing Jesus in. Like, I thought that was like, yeah, that's what I thought. Jesus is going to take Biden off. Just. Alas, it was not Jesus.

So this guy is, he's. Like a big advocate for experimental surgery for kids, the medical and surgical transition saying they're totally reversible, which they're not unsafe. And yeah, and he's, I just, okay, something, this is, I got to get super catty. If you're going to wear a body con, you got to have the body to wear body con. You know what I mean? So for the guys out there who are like, hi, Dana, we have testosterone. We don't know what the hell you're talking about. We're men.

So that's like a clingy dress. That's all you need to know. Bodycon is a clingy dress. Your wife and your girls know what it is. Is the contour? Is that what that means? It's like, it's clingy, right? It's not, it's not very forgiving in terms of the silhouette.

So any pooch is going to show. And he's got too, he's just got too much showing, right? Like, you cannot, dude, you should not be wearing body con. You're just not fit for it. It's not. It's not for that sort of, please no. It's like, no. Look at it like this.

Body con is like the casing on sausage. There you go. Make sense? Okay. In this case, more literally, Oh, completely literal. I just don't know why this is happening. So this guy was invited to the White House.

Now, a friend of mine noted that the families who lost loved ones in Afghanistan are service members, they couldn't merit an invite to the White House like this, but this guy could. Why? Because he likes to have sex with dudes. So that gets you an invite to the White House, but you lose your kid in a disastrous withdrawal from Afghanistan thanks to Biden, and that doesn't merit you an invite to the White House? like the how kind of White House is this, that that's what it takes in order to get an invite. I just, it's just asinine.

It's just so insulting. So they had, I guess what? They were celebrating the 20th anniversary of Queer Eye. And that's who was up there. And he comes, like every outfit he's in is a caftan and I'm just dying. And he's wearing slides in one of them. Good grief. I'm just not going to get over this.

It's just the worst gay dude ever. So I don't know. I don't, I mean, this is who they have. I thought they said that they were bringing decency back to the White House or something. Is that, right? I don't know. But that's who, that's who they had. Come in.

And then, did we have the one where he shook her hand? Well, we had that. Yeah, we played that one. So they had the queer eye cast meeting with Kamala Harris. At least the other guys were dressed appropriately. They didn't wear swimsuit cover up, I suppose. The other, the Jesus looking guy, what's his name? Jonathan Van Ness.

He was wearing something like he came from kindergarten watercolor class. Yeah. Yeah, that's the body contrast. Whatever it is. Like that pastel hot mess that he was wearing. And this one guy's jacket's bothering me so bad. Like I feel like he's going to rip the sleeves off because he's too portly to cross his arms in front of him. Like this guy that comes up with the simulcast here he is, his jackets.

Look at the two different material. Oh my gosh. And is that an untuck shirt underneath? Kill me now. What in the world? Like I just can't. Like don't, don't. You're a fake gay.

You're fake. Prove it. Kiss that guy right now because you don't dress like a gay dude. No. Sorry. When it's still queer eye for the straight guy. I don't know. Is it still like that is the name of the show?

I don't even know what that shows about. I've never watched it. Remember what it first came out? It was clear eye for the straight guy. And they were like these. I don't even know what that meant. What it was was these gay guys were like trying to glam up these straight guys. These guys were?

Yeah. These guys in the video. I don't know about these guys. Is that one guy seriously wearing like a past? Still yellow three piece? All the vomit in the world. What? Oh my gosh.

It's not yellow. It's canary. You guys don't understand. I was raised by Southern women. So this is why I'm the way I am. I blame all of that with the Baptist Church Sunday morning dress mentality. So I come by it honest. I just want to know if they're still for the straight guy.

I thought it's queer eye for the straight guy. I have no idea what it's called. Because now I just hear it. Like one of those guys could adequately dress. Yeah, I just hear it referred to as Queer Eye now. I don't hear the rest of the name of that show. Oh, gosh, can't deal. You know what else I can't deal with because it's like the alphabet month stuff?

You know, D-Day, you know, Normandy, they get a day. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.