The Dana Show with Dana Loesch - Absurd Truth: No Tresspassing

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

New Yorkers are being advised to put up “no trespassing” signs outfront to stop squatters. Meanwhile, Biden held a boujee fundraiser in New York with Obama and Bill Clinton.Please visit our great sponsors:Black Rifle Coffeehttps://blackriflecoffee.com/danaJoin the Coffee Club today and get 30% off your first month’s subscription.ExpressVPNhttps://expressvpn.com/danaKeep your online activity private and get 3 months free with code DANA.Fast Growing Treeshttps://fastgrowingtrees.comUse code Dana at checkout to save an additional 15%.Goldcohttps://danalikesgold.comGet your free Gold Kit from GoldCo today.Hillsdale Collegehttps://danaforhillsdale.comVisit today to hear a Constitution Minute and sign up for Hillsdales FREE online courses.KelTechttps://KelTecWeapons.comSign up for the KelTec Insider and be the first to know the latest KelTec news.Patriot Mobilehttps://patriotmobile.com/danaGet free activation with code Dana.ReadyWise https://readywise.comUse promo code Dana20 to save 20% on any regularly priced item.

Dana Lashes of Surtruth podcast, sponsored by Keltec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida man. Courtesy Florida woman Amber, who sent this over. This dude was named Yoda, and he robbed a house. Literally his name's Yoda. The headline says, Rob this house, you will not. Yoda was arrested for a break-in.

A Coral Springs family. they, well, it was that thwarted attempted burglary. This was just a couple of days ago. Coral Springs police responded to an attempted burglary call. The caller heard suspicious noises. The dude is literally his 30-year-old dude named Yoda. No, he was not a Jedi. Clearly.

But they arrested him. But the fact that the dude's names Yoda is, maybe it's because I'm mentally 12. I don't know. I just find that fascinated and I think it's hysterical. This, a Florida man was sick of, caring for his friend's cats. And then, so he killed him. The dude's name is Ian Bender.

He's charged with seven counts of animal cruelty. Yeah, he is accused of, he surrendered seven cats to an animal shelter because he was sick and tired of caring for them, but apparently he had already not cared for them to the point of, where they were at death's door by the time he surrendered them to the shelter.

So of the seven, only one survived. That's so sad. And so he's being charged. charged with animal cruelty. Minnesota Twins draft pick, Travis Adams, saves a Florida man from a house fire. He was in the area for spring training. And according to W.I.N.K. in Fort Myers, the fire department got a call of a house fire. And Adams was staying nearby. He heard a loud bang. Immediately took action. And he says, he goes, I kind of ran in and asked if anyone was in the house and whatnot. He's so like casual about it. You know, and he says, no one knew me. And the guy, you know, he's like, he just

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squatters moved in. You know what I mean? So you have to show that time and date a stamp. That's also why video security is so important. You can show they broke in, entered illegally, and then you have helped take away their squatter rights. And we've heard from homeowners who use the sign with the camera to get out squatter. So we know it works. Look, a lot of people have second homes. they've got property, maybe they've inherited something that's not really right in the town or neighborhood where they live. All of this makes a difference. Yeah, and that's when you should ask friends and family, hey, cruise by my house, you know, take a look, see if there's a car in the driveway, light on or off. And if you see something, don't tell them to confront the people inside because as Dan's camera saw, that can get really dicey.

These people are absolute clowns. This is a, so this is local news in New York. they're telling people to not put, they're telling them, sorry, to put up no trespassing signs to stop squatters from stealing their homes. Welcome back to the program. Your lovable crumagin,

Dana Lash here with you. Is it like the no, like no gun signs? Yeah, you know, gun-free zone signs. I was always working. I like the signs. Actually, the signs that I wanted to put up

around our house, like apparently it made insurance companies nervous. because I wanted, you know you can get custom-made signs. You can get signs that read if you trespass. I'll blow your brains out all over my driveway. Did you know that? You can literally get that printed up as a sign. I'm not kidding.

I'm not saying that I did it and that I was going to put it up. And then when we had our insurance people come, they were like, wow, you might, you know, for your umbrella plane, you might want to take this down. We're a little worried about you. I'm not saying that any of that happened. I'm just saying that you can get those signs printed up in case you didn't. know or you were unaware. So it's true. Those are the kind of signs that I'm thinking of, right?

Or hear me out, you get a sign that says if you trespass the aliens in this house, like from space, the outer space aliens will kidnap you and rape you to death. I mean, that's also one that you could print out. A lot to read on the sign. I mean, I don't think that there's any kind of legal anything. You know, you couldn't have anybody come on and be like, wait a minute, our laws here don't cover outer space aliens. So we don't know what to tell you about this sign. I feel like that would work, you know? Legally.

Yeah. I mean, if you can't, look, I'm just telling you, if you can't have your gun and Castle Doctrine and protect your property, then you've got to go to extreme measures. You know what I'm saying? You got to go. Like, maybe if they open the door, a bucket full of nails flies out of their face. I don't know. I'm just thinking, that's the home alone right. out. But I kind of like the creepy sign there could be a serial killer in here, right? I'm just saying. Or it might be helpful too. If you have a second home, which is, can I just say sidebar to this and we're going to get back to the squatting thing. I don't get that. You know what I mean? I just don't get the idea of having a second house. If I were a caprillionaire, I still wouldn't have a second house. I get it that all the people out there that are in investing right now.

are wanting to murder me because they're like, do you understand that that's, I know that. I know exactly what you're saying. It's just more stuff I got to deal with. You know what I mean? I don't like dealing with stuff. I don't want to deal with it. You have that stuff you have to deal with. I just get aggravated if I have like too many hair pins. I just, you know, I get aggravated. I just, like if I have too much olive oil sometimes, I'm like, I don't know what's going to use anymore. I just, I just get overwhelmed and I don't want to deal with it. it. That seems stressful. I know people that have second houses and I don't know how they do it. They got to furnish them. That's stuff you've got to call. Well, they probably have hired.

They probably hire people to clean it. But you know what I mean? Like it's just stuff you got to worry about. And then you got to worry about squatters. So my thing where I was going with this is that if you have, you know, a second house or something like that, you know, maybe dig a pit in the back or in your basement. Just hear me out. It sounds nuts, but it's cost effective in the long run. particularly if you've got, you know, the squatting right people laws in there. So dig a pit in your basement, right? Get a little white fluffy dog. And then a basket with some lotion.

And, you know, maybe just leave some DVDs. They don't even have these anymore. Silence of the lambs sitting around. Yeah, certainly sounds familiar. Cinematic. Yeah. I'm just saying, so that way people come and squat in your house, they can be like, do we?

We want to be here when they come back. Is it worth it? Is it worth it? That's what you want squatters to ask. Is it worth whatever this is for me to squat this house? I'm just saying. But I kind of like some of the signs and stuff, you know, like, you know, space aliens will rape you to death if you trespass and squat at this house. That's a good one, Kane.

You got to admit. Yeah, it's lengthy, but effective, I'd imagine. Well, I'm trying to figure out mentally a way to shorten it. Like, no trespassing. Space aliens will rape you to death. That's a good one. To death part, I think. It's really as if the space alien rape wasn't bad enough.

It's to death. It's to death. Because that has to be put in the obit. You know what I mean? Like, well, he was alive until he was raped to death by space aliens. Maybe. It's Friday. I don't care.

Maybe put on there that, you know, they don't care about gender. They don't discriminate. They take everybody. Oh my gosh. I just, I got to tell you. So, you know, maybe that's a way. I'm just trying to think of ways to get. Or me, you could also have a helpful neighbor.

Now, here's something. This is where you can get your neighbors in. And if you're a neighbor to somebody whose house may get squatted, and here's the way you can make some money. Have the neighbor go out when they see the squatters going in, right? and go, oh, fresh meat. The owner is going to be so happy. You know what I mean?

And then the people going in are going to be like, are we going to get eaten? Like, what is this? And maybe just have some, you know, stuff sitting around your house. I feel like people who would try to squat me would be weirded out. My house is a little weird. A little bit. Is that how it's referred to if someone tries to squat me? Is that how we're...

What is the legalese for this? Don't you squat me? I'm going to squat you. Go squat yourself. I got signs. I got some space aliens back here. Gave him some Viagra. But you guys, you see my point with us.

So you have these, this is New York local news. And they're saying, you know, we got to, we got to just put up some note. Did you see how, like, they were so dedicated? They're sweet little brainless hearts. They're so dedicated. You got to take a picture of your size. to keep the squatters out. Yeah, timestamp it.

You've got to have that metadata. To keep the squatters out. Or, you know, you could do it my way. I'm just, I just, who's, that's some balls. I got to say. I've been to foreign countries. I cannot imagine going to a foreign country. I can't imagine going to like Italy or Puerto Rico or Spain or anywhere else.

I can't imagine going to a foreign country. country and busting up into somebody's house, like that one dude from Venezuela and telling all those people to squat? Or I can't even imagine going into a foreign country and squatting someone's house. I can't imagine here in the U.S. going to someone else's house and squatting their house. Who is you? And to know that you're going to be protected by the law, that's how far all, this is just such, insanity.

I'm looking up signs right now. And I think it's really cheap, actually, to get a sign that says, don't squat me. I do, I still think that I need, I like the space alien one the best. Yeah, that's more of a warning sign. No, that's a promise of things to come. Juan says that's, this stuff doesn't happen in Puerto Rico. One literally typed in slack.

You'll get slapped. You should be getting murked. They don't mess, man. They don't have patience for that stuff. They don't have the patience for it. What happened to us? Like we're like, oh, please don't take our homes. What the hell?

How is this not like a violation of the Quartering Act? Stranger in home equals stranger getting murked. That's literally all, I mean, that's it. I think legally I'm covered. That sounds like Bruce Stern's role from the burbs. Stranger at home means stranger gets murked. It's true. Yeah, you can't do this anywhere.

I feel like that because it's common sense, you know, but here, please don't take our homes. Please, please, we just don't squat our house and change the line. Move in the front. Please don't do any of that. I mean, not only would I shoot you, but I'd probably pistol with your dead body on my porch, I feel like. I just. It's quite a segment so far.

It is quite a segment. And I hope that all my haters choke. Good Friday. Good Friday. It's bad Friday. It's bad Friday, but it's good Sunday. All right. So I mean, I just, you have to highlight absurdity with absurdity. And I just can't, I shouldn't have to explain that. But I just can't believe that this is what people are being told in New York that just put this up because they're going to pay attention to that, right? Like the criminals that take guns into gun-free zones, right? Oh, wait a minute, I was going to go and do this, but there's a sign. It magically disarms you. You know that? It's like if you go like a gun-free zone and there's a gun-free zone sign. I don't know if you knew this, but the firearm that the criminal was going to illegally take into the property, it, um, uh, uh, disappears.

Just vanishes. That's the power of signage. See? And with the, the no trespassing, you, there's like, it creates an invisible force field. So you actually, it's a totally defy space and time, dude. Yeah. These signs are super affordable. There's, and they're so affordable.

But just they do all that. That's amazing. And you can also pull them up and beat people with them, too, if they're affixed onto a stake. It's amazing. So, I'm full of helpful tips. Ask me how to protect your home. Hi, I'm Erica, an English major at Hillsdale College. Here's Hillsdale President, Dr. Larry Arne, with the Constitution Minute.

The human soul is made to learn, and the highest things of life are the best things to learn. One of these, it turns out, is the way we govern ourselves, and one of the best. examples of that is the Constitution of the United States. It explains what our government should look like and how it should function to best protect our rights. It was created to give us the freedom to make choices about the way we wish to live. Unfortunately, most colleges and universities today fail to teach our Constitution. When they do, they often denigrate it. This is dangerous because it is impossible to preserve our liberty if we don't understand where it comes from and how to protect it. Having a proper civics education is essential to preserving

our freedom. To learn more and get a free pocket constitution, visit constitutionminute.com. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. So I wanted to go back to this really quickly. I had this headline from last segment and I didn't get to actually get into it. Song lyrics have become simpler and more repetitive over the last 40 years, according to a study. Experts analyzed 12,000 rap, country pop, R&B, and rock songs since 1980 and they say that most musicians have largely abandoned the lyrical poetry of the all-time great songs. They want clear catchy stuff that grabs people's attention because we're all getting

dumber and we have the attention span of a squirrel. Makes me hate everything. We're smod. I just, I say that often because I mean it. That's why. So the, going into this, this song, this headline is from the British publication, the Metro. And they're saying pop music isn't what.

it used to be that uh and they're touching down on this that they even use like chords are similar now and chord progressions just not similar enough to like trip any you know copyright issues but everything is just becoming so formulaic and it is we were talking about this all last night because we were watching music videos last night and everything is so derivative now and now they have got like uh what is it like cartoon characters and anime characters and you know animated just, you know, basic, just all of this stuff. They create rock star persona to go along with, you know, pre-form, like formulated music. It's just weird.

The whole thing is weird. Walmart has, Walmart 7-Eleven and Chick-fil-A are going to launch delivery drones, so you're not even going to need to go into the store. Um, I don't know how I feel about this. Do I want a delivery drone? I want to try it just to try it. I don't. I don't think I want to.

It's called Drone Up as a startup. up and they're launching a delivery drone service. And yeah, so that's, I don't know. They said it could revolutionize stuff. Everything's loading super slow, so I don't know. I don't know. I've been moving on. Also, let's see here.

The Air Force is suing Marriott for a hundred. Oh, gosh, this guy, this, did you hear? Oh, man. So this Air Force airman is suing Marriott for $160 million. He stayed in a hotel. He didn't know that when he closed his door, it didn't auto lock. and he woke up being raped by another dude. Oh, what?

A dude just the guy came into his room. Yep, yep, yep. He is suing for $160 million because apparently, you know, normally if you're in a hotel and you close the door, the doors is closed, right? Not there, apparently. That's not how that worked.

I don't know. Republican lawmakers are calling removing wolves from endangered lists as packs are threatening ranchers. There is, so I have a lot of friends who live in Montana and, you know, like North Dakota and Wyoming and all of this. And this is something that they talk about often because wolves, I don't think you want over hunting, but at the same time, when you do not have a balanced ecosystem, there is a real issue with farmers and ranchers because they are dev- I mean, they will devastate livestock. I don't think people who are, you know,

in the city and don't have any experience with ranching or farming, I don't think they quite understand how serious a problem this can be. And so lawmakers, there's 20 Republicans, they're saying please roll back some of the protections for the gray wolf because the species population size now is, it's throwing the entire ecosystem in this area off balance. And now they're targeting ranchers and farmers and livestock. And that's super expensive.

So this Biden fundraiser, I was looking at some of the price points for the plates on this. Golly, it's nut. To get a photo with all three, of them it was $500,000. What? Yeah. If you wanted, so the plate, to sit down and eat, you know, convention chicken, it was, I think it was $100,000.

You know, for the, it's, you know, the every man's fundraiser, right? It was $100,000. It's so bad. $100,000. Just to, that was the base level. That was your basic B level. It was 100,000. $500. And if you, I think you could like shake their hand or meet them for like $250,000. But to get a picture with all three of them, I think it was $500,000. Well, it was $500,000. With Biden, it was $250, with all three of them, it was $500. You know, because he's such a every man, Joe Biden, blue color, every man. And it just, it's just a mess. He looked so weird. Red State had video of him walking around and on. So he was.

when they were on the stage. By the way, this is why Trump was at the visitation for the officer Dillard. He was at the visitation for the slain police officer. While they were there on the stage, when they got on the stage, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama and Joe Biden, they came up on the stage on a riser. So the stage was empty and then from the floor a riser shot up and the three of them were on it. Is that not over the top theatrics, if ever there were over the top theatrics because it's kind of ridiculous. So they said that it, I mean, and I guess they raised the 25 million they were going for. There was a lot of people there. But he just moved weird. And it's like he can't move his arms well. And he can't lift his legs up to really walk well.

He shuffles. And he, there was a moment on video that Red State has where he was joking about the dark brand and stuff. And he took out his sunglasses and put. him on and it looked so awkward and just stiff. It was weird. It was weird. He looked like his two friends were visiting him in the nursing home. That's what it looked like. So this was this was the fundraiser. And they had a lot of disruptions as well. So they had the pro Hamas anti-Israeli, we hate to Jews people that came out to disrupt. It was the fundraiser. They had a bunch of protesters outside,

and they were yelling and screaming, and then there was a protester during the moment when they were speaking about the insurrection. That didn't happen. There was a protester that got up and began yelling at Biden, and they were saying, you're forcing genocide in Palestine,

et cetera, et cetera. And other people were booing her, and then other people start shouting and you got blood on your hands, blah, blah, blah. It's not Hamas, you stupid Hamas fluffer, you stupid terrorist be all these, that's what that is. You have blood on your hands. No, it's the elected government that was murdering people in Gaza. People like you support them because you're a Hamas terrorist sympathizer. I just feel like if you're out there supporting Hamas, I want to deport your ass and send your ass to Gaza.

Go over there. See if you like it over there. I don't want any terrorists here. Because I, if you're sitting here saying this stuff, you're a terrorist. there's no gray area. You're a terrorist. You either support people defending themselves or you support the terrorist government of Hamas. And they were popularly elected and they are still popularly supported. So, you know, you voted for this. And they were taunting officers outside. Again, they were taunting officers outside, the protesters, the terrorists, as they had screaming piggy piggy piggy at them, all this other stuff. as you had Trump at the slain officers visitation. Just, you know, you had Trump at the slain officer's visitation. So, yeah.

This, it's just so, the optics are just so bad. You didn't think that that was Bill Clinton? No. Kane didn't think Bill Clinton was there. It's a picture of Jason Bateman. Look, click on that picture. Zoom in. Yeah.

On Bill Clinton. And you tell me if you think that. I think it's just an awkward. You are just not being honest. That's an awkward photo. Okay, they can't all be fake, Kane. I'm not saying they're all fake. Why is it always everything or nothing with you?

Biden's fake. There's no nuance. There's no such thing as nuance. That's no such thing as nuance. That's Bill Clinton. You can't have that many people. Look at all these people. You're free to believe it.

All those fame horrors that were at the. Absolutely free to believe it. Fundraiser last night. That's Bill Clinton. You know what? You can't. You could do it. Three people couldn't keep Watergate quiet.

You think that would be even bigger. Why would they fake Bill Clinton being alive? I mean, you were right. It did look like some guy, Joe Biden, getting visited at the old folks home by a couple of his friends. One of those guys kind of looks like Bill Clinton. I'm looking at this photo and I'm like, that's a wax museum. They're at Madam Tussaud. That's what that is.

That's straight up a wax museum. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.