The Dana Show with Dana Loesch - Absurd Truth: The Joos[ie] Sommelier is LOOSIE

Episode Date: August 14, 2025

Jussie Smollett, the former Empire star, returns to relevancy to deny that his 2019 MAGA hate crime claim was a hoax, calling it the truth while slamming Rahm Emanuel and Chicago PD. Meanwhile, First Lady Melania Trump puts Hunter Biden on a $1B notice over 'false, defamatory' Epstein comments. Hunter Biden responds to Melania with an ‘F’ bomb.Thank you for supporting our sponsors that make The Dana Show possible…Relief Factorhttps://ReliefFactor.com OR CALL 1-800-4-RELIEFTurn the clock back on pain with Relief Factor. Get their 3-week Relief Factor Quick Start for only $19.95 today! Byrnahttps://Byrna.com/danaGet your hands on the new compact Byrna CL. Visit Byrna.com/Dana and receive 10% off Patriot Mobilehttps://PatriotMobile.com/DanaDana’s personal cell phone provider is Patriot Mobile. Get a FREE MONTH of service with code DANAHumanNhttps://HumanN.comSupport your cholesterol health with SuperBerine—on sale at Sam’s Club from 7/23 to 8/17. Boost your metabolic health and save!Keltechttps://KelTecWeapons.comSee the third generation of the iconic SUB2000 and the NEW PS57 - Keltec Innovation & Performance at its bestAngel Studioshttps://Angel.com/danaGet free tickets to see Sketch in theaters this summer. Sign up for the Angel Studios Member’s Guild and claim your perks todayAll Family Pharmacyhttps://AllFamilyPharmacy.com/Dana Medical freedom is American freedom. Use code DANA10 to get 10% off your order.Webroothttps://WebRoot.com/Dana Protect your digital life and get 50% off Webroot Total Protection or Essentials, exclusively with my URL!Ruff Greens https://RuffGreens/com/DANAGive Ruff Greens a shot with the 90-day challenge.  Get a FREE jumpstart trial bag, just cover shipping with promo code DANA. 

Dana Lashes Absurd Truth podcast, sponsored by Keltec. Like Sands through the Hourglass, so are the days of the United States. There's a lot of memes of J.D. Vance on the internet. There are. What's your favorite meme?

Or a funny joke about yourself, like after the Pope or, you know, there's a lot of options to pick from these days. So my favorite meme was, and this is very inappropriate, but maybe it's not too soon. But, you know, there was the whole thing about how I was,

into couches. Yep. And right after the Pope died, there was, did you see this one? There was just a meme of the Pope, Usha, and a couch. And it like took me a second to get it. And then when I got, I was like, man, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. In fact, I like to think the left isn't very good at meming. So my hope is it a right winger came up with that because that was a very funny meme. That is kind of funny. That's the way that you should respond to it. Not like, This is petty. Like his response versus Christy Nome's response is that's the way you got to handle that stuff. I just, it's like when it's funny, if it's funny, I would have people that would make, like, stuff about me.

And I was only offended when the person thought it was good and it was really bad. Like, if it's funny, I'll allow it. But it's not, if it's not funny, then I actually feel slighted. it's worse to me than like the original intent of the offense. It's actually more offensive when it's not funny because I'm just like I thought that smart people were disagreeing with me. It's smarter people. I would like to think that I had a better quality troll and then it made me feel like not as worthy of better trolls. And it's just like a whole like existential crisis.

So I was just like that sucks. Like these are really, they're just not creative people. So that's funny. And that's the way that you should. If it's funny, it's funny. They had, so he's in the Cotswolds, right? And he's out near Chadlington, where Jeremy Clarkson's, and I love Diddly Squat Farm, where he's got his farm and you've got the Beckams that live out there, Gordon Ramsey and Tony Blatt and all these people. But he's like vacationing.

J.D. Vance and their family, they're vacationing out there. I guess they have like a country house out in the Cotswolds. and people are mad, but they don't know what they're mad about, and Clarkson's been making fun of it on Instagram, showing the beautiful, quiet countryside, birds chirping. And he goes, look at this absolute mess. This is all this chaos is from J.D. Vance. The people are complaining, but there's nothing for them to complain about.

That's what's so amusing by this. But someone did rent a truck with one of those giant J.D. Vance memes. It's the one reason he has a giant fat face. and corkscrew curls and his big oh eyes. And they put that on the side of a lorry and they've just been driving it around. But the problem is that the truck is so big and bulky that it's creating a traffic problem

for people in the Cotswold. So it's having the opposite intended effect that they wanted it to have. They thought they were going to be making fun of JD fans and now everyone's mad at them because this truck is so big and bulky and it's making snarling traffic in these little villages. It's actually quite funny. So I have to go on, I'm going on a cruise.

And it's kind of like a, you know, a work trip kind of thing, a fun thing. You're going, I'm going with MRC. You guys know how I feel about cruises. This one's going to Norway, though. So I'm pretty sure that there's not going to be any shenanigans. But it's on a boat. And you guys know I get, I just don't do good on boats. I know that all of them have seakeepers now and all this stuff, but I ain't playing.

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That's all family pharmacy.com slash Dana. Code Dana 10 to get over 10% off of your order. Guys, do you remember an esteemed actor named Juicy Somalié? No, it's not a fat wine expert. It's a juicy Somalié, justice for juicy. Guys remember this? So he's back. I know you guys are so happy because you were counting the days.

Juicy Smolier. I don't even know how you say his name, but we're doing it, the Dave Chappelleauet. No, that's the wrong. It's wrong cane. He slams the Chicago police, Rahm Emanuel, as villains. And then he denies that it was a hate crime hoax. And he says, he's mounting a comeback and his story has never changed. Oh, boy.

Oh, man. Now, you guys remember what happened, right? guys remember what happened to juicy right so man he uh he he he fabricated a hate crime he fabricated a hate crime let's what what year this was this i remember it was in it was during it was during winter it was during a snowstorm in chicago i want to say it was 2017 into 2018 but yeah so he said that these these men in Chicago beat him up put a noose on his neck and yelled this is mac a country and it was something like what it like happened it like in the middle of the night essentially right

happened in the middle of the night at 2019 and it was February well he was charged in February yeah you're right January 29th he said he went out to get a sandwich in a bad snowstorm as one does you know three in the morning you know gotta get them meats I get it so he goes out

I don't actually he is out in the middle of a snowstorm in downtown Chicago going to get a sandwich right so these dudes he said oh my gosh

they were yelling that I was gay and saying homophobic slurs and racial slurs they put a noose around my neck and remember he took a picture of himself with a noose around his neck like didn't he take it off

and nothing was adding up And as they were investigating, they came across these two dudes, right? So weird. These two dudes, so ultimately, Juicy paid them to go in and do this. He hired these two dudes to beat him up and then pretend to do all this stuff. And then he was going to make this big, you know, claim. He was going to act like a victim. You know why he did this instead of took acting lessons?

Because this is how weak people get power. weak people get power by pretending to be a victim it's a rejection of meritocracy they want they want the notoriety and they want the power that comes from trying to care for and satiate a victim and they weaponize that and they use that as leverage to make themselves more famous this was a PR stunt for him

and so he went to the northwestern memorial hospital they released him because he's fine but the investigation found out that he paid these two work acquaintances from Africa, who were brothers to stage the assault. Then it came, they were on CCTV at a hardware store buying the noose and that, like kidnap supplies. And they wrote a check for it. They wrote a check for it. You might as well just put kidnap supplies in the memo section. And so Kim Fox was in charge and she was trying to drop the charges and do all of this stuff. And after all this came out, Smolier fired a counter suit against the city of Chicago. He said that

he was the victim of mass public ridicule and harm. And the city spent they spent six figures investigating this hoax. And he said he should not have to reimburse the city for his failed PR stunt. And he said, no, he's the victim of mass public ridicule and harm. Well, yeah, you are because you're a lying hoaxter and you're a racist bigot.

That's why. I mean, again, the jokes that were written about this in the middle of the night in a snowstorm in Chicago. And I'm really sure people are going to be out there going, Miss Magickandry, and all this stuff. It's just the dumbest stuff ever. Dave Chappelle's like five-minute bit on it is still the best. So anyway, where the hell has he been?

Nobody knows, and we don't care. You know why we don't care? Because he's just not valuable to our culture. I'm sorry, but he's not. And then he does all this stuff. He tried to just actually like kickstart like a race war. He tried to do that. He tried to divide his country with this stuff.

And I just find that absolutely unforgivable. I really do. So he pled no contest. Well, he came out, but he's, he's added a little bit of a rap sheet. He pled no contest to some charges back in 2007. He, in 2022, he was sentenced to serve 150 days in jail, et cetera, et cetera. Anyway, so he's back. And for some reason, variety was like, you know who we need to go interview?

Let's go interview. juicy Smolia. And so he still maintains it. He did not fake it. Dude. Dude. I know. I know. And Smolier goes,

he was saying that his story is still his story. And that quote, we're living in a world where the higher-ups, their main mission, in order to do all of the underhanded things that they're doing is to distract us with a shiny object. Wait, that's what you were trying to do.

You were trying to distract people with like racial claims. Literally what you were doing. I mean, you, he made it up to the end of degree. It was disgusting. So he says that my story has never changed. Well, that's irrelevant. That just means that you just, you can keep to a lie. That's it.

And I don't know, he's trying to, he's trying to make a comeback. He signed a deal with some record company that nobody knows about, and he's coming out with a dumb song that no one's going to listen to. Actually, I think it's already out. No, yeah, it's already out. Nobody cares. Yeah, it came out a few days ago. Nobody cares.

He's only doing this because he's, you know, trying to, he's still chasing that fame. Right. He's still chasing that fame. But he says that he didn't do anything wrong and that the judge, remember the judge told him in his case that he was someone who, quote, craved attention. And he acted like, he. He was this big civil rights hero. Do you know that when he was a kid?

Fun fact, he signed and was represented by Kurt Cameron's mom. He's in the Mighty Ducks. Isn't that interesting? Just want to just point that out. I find that fascinating. So I just find this so sad. I mean, he, no one believes that you're a victim. You're a Hollywood actor.

You were in very successful television programs and movies. you are the epitome of privilege. Nobody believes that you are a victim of anything. They don't believe you're a victim of a single thing. It's just nonsense. He wanted to be a victim, I guess, because he wasn't getting enough attention

in his professional life. So he's actually trying to come back. I cannot believe that Variety thinks this is the time to launch this, dude. It just, it's just unbelievable. So juicy Somalié, you know, No, that's like a true crime story right there.

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That's KELTECweapons.com innovation performance. Keltec.com. Tell them Dana sent you. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dane. Quick 5. Let's see, hackers post 43 gigabytes of St. Paul data after the city refused to pay ransom. Ooh, my goodness. Yeah, the mayor says that hackers posted 43 gigs of data stolen from the city of St. Paul on the dark web after they refused to pay the ransom. They, in an update said that it was a gang that had stolen the data and they were described by

federal authorities is a sophisticated money-driven organization, et cetera, et cetera. They target like governments, hospitals, corporations, things like that. So far, they said that they're not core city systems. So like payroll permitting and licenses and that, but they still were posting some of the data publicly and they're investigating it. Good night. I really wanted to get to the story. So I cannot believe people are doing this.

$30,000 of stolen libidivis. Boo-boos. I cannot make fun of this enough. I, Kane, I legit saw yesterday. I saw a grown woman. This is the second time I've seen this in the wild with a Laboo-Boo on her bag. Now, if you all don't know what a Laboo-Boo-Boo is, it's like a troll doll. Like, you know how you had troll dolls in the 90s?

Okay, so it's that, but it's for women that have apparently way too much money in time on their hands. And maybe some kids. They're like disgusting little nasty troll-looking things with, like, teeth in that. I don't know. And people hang them on their bags. So in California, police, they recovered $30,000 worth of this. What are they like six of them?

Yeah, exactly. They're so expensive. Would you, for just a basic Laboo Boo-boo, it's like $40, and they're little. And this woman, I think hers was maybe a fancy kind, because you can pay hundreds, maybe even thousands for them. They're like collectibles now, right?

They're the beanie babies for rich broads. I don't know. But I saw my second one in the wild. I'm like, that is an actual La Boo Boo. And she had a pretty fancy purse that she was carrying. So I was like, that's probably a real one. Oh my gosh. A Fresno man was there. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I've never heard that. 200 pounds of meth. This guy got arrested in Fresno. A record breaking, sorry, a Fresno man arrested in South Dakota. $12 million of 200 pounds of meth. That's a lot. That's meth up.

It's methed up. I'm telling you. We got a lot more on. the way, stick with us. I did not have this fight on my bingo card. Cane, Melania versus Hunter, who wins? You're betting. What's the fight? Is the fight whoever can smoke the most crack? Because if that's the fight, I choose Hunter. I'm trying to understand. Any other fight? I choose Melania. Okay, so let me tell you the story. And then I'm trying to wrap my head around understanding his motivation. So he, this is how it started. So it started. So it's started with him giving, I think it was in a book. I want to say it was one of the Michael Wolf's books that he had made this claim. I'm pulling, yes. And then Hunter Biden was repeating it. So the claim

is that that was made was that Melania Trump was introduced to Donald Trump to POTUS by Jeffrey Epstein, right? That's the claim. And she is not happy with it. at all. Understandably, she's not happy with it. So the claim is that that was made that he's repeating is that she was introduced to Trump by Epstein, right? And the first lady responded with, whoof, a big old, she threatened to assume for a billion dollars if he did not retract what was called the false and defamatory comments that he made regarding Epstein. And she made this threat. This has all been happening this week. He did, he said it twice. He said it in an interview that was on YouTube. I don't even know who this guy has. It was on YouTube. That weird,

you know that weirdo guy where he was sitting outside. By the way, this was pointed out to me. At one point, Hunter Biden was wearing a hat that had three arrows on it. And apparently that is supposed to, it's adopted by the Antifa fascists and they wear this hat with three arrows because it's supposed to symbolize the iron resistance against Nazis. It's so stupid. It's what happens when barely educated people try to appropriate history. So she made, he made this, this remark in a different interview with this YouTube dude. And he had, they, they responded. This was her statement. She said, given your vast history of trading on the names of others, including your surname, for your personal benefit, it is obvious that you publish these false and defamatory

statements about Mrs. Trump to draw attention to yourself. She hired a pretty badass attorney, Alejandro Brito, and he's apparently pretty aggressive. And they sent this letter to Hunter Biden and Abby Lowell. And it started making the rounds yesterday evening. And they told him that they were going to sue him if he didn't comply by August 7th. And then if they didn't, then they're going to go after him for a billion dollars. They said, you are on notice. Now, him saying that, I, the bar is really high for public figures. And I will say a lot of times, entities, particularly, you know, rat bastard entities that want to silence free speech and they're terrified of people on the airwaves, they try to engage in.

lawfare that'll one day come back and bite them. They try to engage in lawfare all the time like this. And the mark is high for your public figure entity. It's a very difficult thing to litigate. And so, Juan's showing you some of that weird interview. And if you can, look at his hat. If you can't get a check out his hat, because that's that hat that everybody was kind of talking about. So with her, though, I feel like this is, because this is related specifically to a a very, a case of a very sensitive nature, a case where there are a lot of victims. And what he is claiming essentially is that she was a prostitute for Epstein and that Trump hired her. That's what he's claiming in by making this remark. And now what do you think Hunter Biden said? After you say

something that is defamatory and false about someone that actually links them to this ongoing investigation. He's not the smartest. I mean, he's not the brightest, uh, brightest bulb in the box, but how would you, how would you respond? Because it's not like the Trumps don't have the money to do this. The Bidens don't. And I don't think he's going to be able to get any sugar daddies anymore to buy his spit art. I mean, he doesn't have that access anymore as insulation. So what he said when he was asked, if he would have, apologize to Melania was this. Well, I can't say the first word.

Blank that. That's not going to happen. Oh, my gosh. Did you censor the first part out? Did you do it? Okay, all right, because he's Hunter Biden, you know. I mean, it's every other word. Go ahead.

Sorry, go ahead and play this. We're here, maybe to give you the platform to apologize to the first lady for your statements that you made about her possible connection to Jeffrey Epstein. Uh, that. that's not going to happen. Doesn't he sound like Joe? He sounds like a higher-pitched, more nasally Joe Biden. He sounds like him.

I wonder what the odds are of him actually apologizing, because right now that's his fastest and cheapest way out of this. Oh, that's his super fast, cheap way out of this. So this is, what is he trying to do? He's, because they will, they are litigious as I'll get out. are litigious. I like that. I like that in a person that gets bullied. So if they go after him, all of this stuff is going to be up for discovery. This is also kind of a trap. Because then what they can do is they can, their discovery, they can drag all kinds of stuff out of him. He is really

stupid. Why would you set yourself up for this? Because remember, a lot of the stuff, the Paula Jones thing came out of Whitewater. That was never its own separate thing. That was divulged and discovered during whitewater for the Clintons. All of this stuff, this is the kind of stuff that comes out. It looks like an ancillary issue. And then it ends up becoming as bigger, bigger than the original issue being fought over. This is just wild, though.

Because I was thinking about this. I'm like, well, does he not realize that, first of all, that's incredibly expensive? He does not have the money. I'm sorry, but they don't have the money for this. Joe's not in the White House anymore. Nobody's pretending that Hunter Biden is talented artists and buying his stuff. They're not doing this.

So what is his in-game here? He thinks that he's going to get them on something. Anything that was to be gotten on them would have already been out. It's already out. Meanwhile, Hunter Biden still probably has bodies in the backyard. So what does he think he's going to do here? Because all of that is going to, oh my gosh, I would drag it out in discovery for,

so long and then all of that stuff is public. So if they start discovering stuff about Burisma or Seneca Falls or the deals with cobalt mines in Africa or the business deals that he made with these CCP business owners that were giving him diamonds and all this stuff, all of that is going to come out. And any attempt at Joe Biden, which is, pretty nil now, but any attempt of him having any kind of legacy will be just forever shattered. And not just for Joe Biden, but for any of his kids and his grandkids, they're all going to be tainted by this if it goes to that extent. So it kind of seems like Hunter Biden's just this ticking time bomb. He wants to blow up. He's mad at the

world because he's an entitled brat. He's a 50-middle, he's a 50-something-year-old brat. He's almost 60. And he's acting like this. By the way, speaking of which, his sister announced yesterday that apparently she caught her husband cheating on her. Now, with Hunter Biden's predilection for swooping in, Kane, with these ladies, I'm just wondering, you know, I'm just, it'd be dumb not to put it out there, right? I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? Wink. You know what I mean? Just wondering. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

or wherever you get your podcast.