The Dana Show with Dana Loesch - Absurd Truth: Time To Get Zen

Episode Date: December 15, 2023

Incense Expert and CEO of Shihan Wellness John Launius joins us to break down how to find our zen in the madhouse that will be 2024. Meanwhile, The Dana Show compiles a list of the Top 10 Fictional Band Names that were said on-air in the year 2023Please visit our great sponsors:Black Rifle Coffeehttps://blackriflecoffee.com/danaJoin the Coffee Club today and get 30% off your first month’s subscription.All Family Pharmacyhttps://allfamilypharma.com/danaSave 10% with code DANA10 when you order today at https://allfamilypharma.com/danaExpress VPNhttps://expressvpn.com/danaGo incognito and protect your privacy with 3 extra months FREE.Headrest Safehttps://theheadrestsafe.comUse code DANA for an exclusive $50 off. Hillsdalehttps://danaforhillsdale.comVisit Hillsdale College for a special Christmas viewing of O Little Town Of Bethlehem. Nimi Skincarehttps://nimiskincare.comDon’t compromise. Use promo code DANA for 10% your order.Patriot Mobilehttps://patriotmobile.com/danaGet a free smartphone with code FRIDAY76 when you switch today! Wise Food Storagehttps://preparewithdana.comSave $50 on your 4-Week Survival Food Kit plus free shipping when you order today!

Dana Lashes, absurd truth podcast. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida man. All right, so first up, let's see here. I'm like being distracted. We have an elderly Florida man who was assaulted by his neighbors while. We had this one yesterday, so this is old. I'm not doing this one.

A Florida man's in custody. He barricaded himself in a sewer pipe following a police pursuit in Kendall. This guy's also totally naked. Again, video from the scene shows the moment the South Florida water management set a robotic camera inside of the pipe to check the status of the dude. The guy started around 2 a.m. on Thursday. The man fled from Miami-Dade Police. Police lost sight of him, and he disappeared into a sewer pipe.

And then they sent a robotic camera into the pipe to check the status of the guy. And then they managed to take him into custody. He's being treated by Miami-Dade Fire Rescue at the scene. and they said they haven't released his identity or anything like that. So, you know, I mean, a Florida woman, a porch pirate stole packages and then planned to re-gift them for Christmas. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

So this, according to Polk County Sheriff's Office, this woman, Kensley Mott, was seen at the victim's home surveillance camera, walking up to the porch, taking numerous Amazon boxes, driving off in a red truck. She had her eye on the prize. She followed the truck. She followed this Amazon delivery truck all over the subdivision of Winter Haven, Florida. And she just started taking, after they would deliver them, she would go up and start taking packages right off the porches on neighborhoods between, like starting a noon, broad daylight. They reviewed the surveillance videos. I guess, you know, people have like the doorbell cameras and all this stuff. So they started reviewing these surveillance videos.

And they eventually found her at her place of employment, hungry howie's pizza. And when they asked her about this, she said, no, no, no, I'm regifting them. She's regifting the stolen items. And then she literally told police when they showed her the video footage. She goes, quote, what if it was just someone else who had my face? See? Now, wait a minute, sidebar. This is why I want a fake finger as a ring.

That's right. The fake silicone finger. I want to wear it on the hand. So that way, if something happens that I don't like or something like that, then I can just be like, see, there's an extra finger here. This is clearly AI. I've really thought about this.

You know, I've done a lot of research on the silicone finger rings. You can't really get them on Amazon. I found like one really good one, but apparently they're not for sale anymore. So I'm just saying, like, if you're into that business, that might be, you know,

I'm just saying that's going to be the way to get out of stuff right now. Like, just get you a fake silicone digit where it is a ring. And that way, you know, if you're on public and all that and something else, I'm just saying, you can be like,

no, no, no. See, I don't have that many fingers. That clearly is AI. Can they prove that you were wearing a fake silicone finger in the photo? No, they can't. They can't. I'm just saying. I'm not like trying to encourage you to break the law or anything.

I'm just saying it might be nice to have that, you know. I'm just a little extra. Anyway, they did get her and arrest her. And of course, she was crying when they arrested her. Of course she was. I mean, that is so, like you're following around a delivery truck. if you're the delivery driver too do you note at one point that you're being followed around by the delivery truck I'm just wondering yeah

I don't even know how to read this this headline A Florida man pours eye drops on his nephew sandwich to make him quote puke his brains out Penelis Parkman is accused of putting eye drops in his nephew sandwich in an attempt to make him sick golly. They said that the witness, according to arrest report, a witness reported a customer asking for a bottle of vising eye drops while purchasing food at an unnamed business on Wednesday. The witness told police that the customer identified as James Leach said he was having issues with his nephew hated him. And then after handing him the eyedrops, the witness said he opened the bottle and poured it all over the meatball sandwich. The witness stated that that could hurt someone and the defendant responded by saying it would only cause him to, quote, blank himself and puke his brains out. and then he i mean and apparently there's video footage inside the business where you can see him doing all this stuff and the nephew said that he ate a small part of the sandwich and didn't know it may have been tampered with he didn't accept medical treatment uh and the i mean what in the world like

what is wrong with you i don't know how old the nephew is but the guy who's 45 years old the guy they arrested him but the guy's like 45 years old and i mean i don't does it really do that I don't know, man. Let's see here. This Florida woman. Florida woman was arrested for Walmart theft, drunken hit and run crash in the same day. Flager County, Florida, 46-year-old,

Lederee and Emily. She gets in trouble for petty theft, and then she immediately right after DUI and Palm Coast, according to Flagher County Police. John Launis is a, he's a literal potions master. I mean, he's got like all professional. I could say he's like, president of this core advertising group and he's got very important titles.

But he's, I mean, I legit would be like Potions Master and only goes that. He is literally like, he's a, let me read this, a certified master. Like you can get certified for this. In the ancient Japanese tradition of Kodo, the way of incense, for over a decade. And he holds the rank of, Kane, of a Komoto, that is a literal Japanese master. of incense ceremony. That's a literal thing. See, he's the actual potions master.

Yeah, well, potions isn't exactly accurate. It's just a fun word. Right. Yeah. And John joins us now via Skype. John, it's a pleasure to have you. Thank you for joining us again. So first off, that you had to go through like a whole thing to get certified in all of this.

King keeps flicking the scent to me. Tell me about this. Yeah, so real quick, when I was nine years old, I started studying martial arts and ruled incense traditions. then when I was 13, I trained under a certified master in the way of incense. It's called Kodo for a period of 10 years. So I've been doing incense for over 40 years now. You could run Bath and Body Works out of business, basically.

Like you can totally do that. Yeah, but you know, you're talking about like getting rid of all these emotions and what have you. I mean, what you're really accessing, what you're talking about is the limbic system, which is that part of our body, a part of our brain that really controls the emotions. So, you know, we could be working on the hypothalamus, on the amygdala, on the thalamus, on the hippocampus, without getting into two bigger words, right? But there's a, so you, yeah, well, so you were just having that experience with the frankincense, you're like, it smells good.

And you started to relax and you started to maybe have less kind of, you know, negative thoughts or thoughts that are moving around that. Well, that's what I do for people internationally, celebrities, businesses, and individuals. But it's a way to center the mind and deal with all the chaos that we deal with every day. and especially in the world of politics, I don't know if you know anything about that. So you're telling me that they need more of this on Twitter. I think so.

Oh, you know what? And by the way, when I was on your show last year, the amount of just hate that came at me when I was literally talking about gifts for baby Jesus. I mean, it was amazing to me. They need more of Jesus' gifts. Because this, you smell the, what is that, the Frankenstein?

And it's, you're like, I'm, you're chill. They need, I hate that you had a, do that. Like, you can't even tweet anymore because of these people. You literally, didn't you leave Twitter? I did. Well, I mean, I still have an account, but I mean, it's like, it was just amazing to me. Like, I'm on your show. We're having this wonderful conversation about the use of frankincense and mer. And it was, it was amazing, like, just the amount of names I got called, names that have nothing to do. But that's okay. That's okay. Listen, listen, I'm, I'm a strong, big boy. I can handle it. And I've got sent on my side. You know what I mean?

I love it. on my side. You just burn some of Jesus' gifts and you feel better. Why were those? We're talking to John Lannis, who's literally like a master of this stuff. There's a lot of, I mean, there's like a whole certification here. Why those specifically

ended up being so popular and sort of like now, forever a part of human history, the frankincense, the mer, I don't even know if I'm saying that correctly. Mur? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're saying it right. So the research suggests that the wise men would have been Zoroastrian priests. Yeah.

And they held a lot of the information around health and wellness. And so Franken sense, for example, the Mayo Clinic and other very large medical organizations are beginning to really use frankincense to help the body with a number of things, lung issues, arthritis, et cetera. And so frankincense not only calms the mind, clears the mind, but it also helps, it's an antibacterial and antimicrobial. And so it's healthy. So also with Mur, same kind of thing, but you can actually, you can eat Mur, you can eat frankincense.

And so it's a way to really have the body be cleansed inside and out in a very short explanation. That's like brilliant. Can you burn too much of it? Well, you're not, he's not, I should know, Kane's not burning it. And he keeps telling me that over and over again. He's like, I'm not burning it, Dana. That's, is it more pollute, that's not going to, a real word, pollutey? Well, yeah.

Palluity. I like that. So in short, it's like this, is that most incense in America is synthetic. It's filled with a whole bunch of things that are not pure. Therefore, when you're burning that, you can get indoor air pollution. But if you're warming all natural fragrances, there is benefit in the aromatic medicine, as it languished in one way. But by warming it, you're minimizing the amount of smoke and you're maximizing the fragrance

and all the chemicals that come along with it that help again calm the mind, have us re-center within ourselves, again, to be able to deal with the chaos of the world. We're talking with John Lannis, who's like an expert in basically he could run all the Sensi, the Bath and Body Works, all those people out of business. This, and we're taught, I mean, because it's, I just find this fascinating. So this, you made a very good point with the, I guess some of like the chemicals and stuff that they can put in some of the manufactured stuff. So you've got to be really picky about where you get your stuff from.

Yeah, there's only three companies that I currently use in the entire world. Wow. Yeah. And so these are things that I have vetted over the 40 years of teaching and training and leading groups. I mean, like, we literally do this for corporations. We do this for individuals. We do this for people of note. And it's an incredible experience.

It's called The Incense Journey. And you're getting your own sense of it through Kane in the, the studio, but you'll notice that you don't have as much anxiety maybe as you normally do when you're in the presence of that. So imagine every day being able to really have more control over your mind to be able to then put the attention where you need to put it when you need to put it there. Do you have to send like special people out to get this stuff? Because like some of this, I don't even know where you get some, where does one get frankincense? Like where it's not like, yeah, it's not like it grows wild and I don't even know it's a tree, right? It's SEP or

It is it? Yeah. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, but, but, close to there. So what happens is that three times a year, they actually cut into the tree, causing the sap to come out and then to, and then to dry, and then you're taking that off. And so frankincense is an autoimmune reaction to, to, you know, danger with the tree or some kind of a damage. Same thing to birth. Yeah. Well, so, well, so, so, so this look a little bit at the Egyptian tradition.

So, so the Egyptians talked about frankincense as being sweat of the gods. So when you hold up frankincense, it looks, it looks like if you were to take sweat and then, you know, amalgamated into a resin. But the point is, is that it has connotations with the sun. It has connotations with a number of things. but because it elevates our consciousness, it literally focuses us in a way different from everything else. That's why it's been praised and used for thousands of years. So this was like a really nice gift that the Zoroastrian priests brought Jesus. This was like going to Neiman's and getting one of those big old fancy once in a lifetime gifts.

Like what they brought him was like pretty amazing. Yeah. Well, at the time, frankincense would have been double in value of gold. Oh my gosh. And they brought a lot. I mean, I don't remember exactly how much they brought, but they brought quite a bit. That's amazing. Double the value of gold. Of gold.

That's crazy. Yeah. Well, and just like we talked about last year, we also saw that frankincense and, well, actually, MIR specifically shows up at the crucifixion. So we have incense at the birth and the death of Jesus, which is very symbolic. And so the whole idea is that if we just take the night before the crucifixion, we just take the, the night before the crucifixion, when Mary anointed the feet of Jesus was Spike Nard very costly. Spiknard is another incense. In this case, it was an oil, but it will literally relax you

deeper than anything else you've ever had. So what Mary was doing for Jesus and the disciples was to relax them and really to have them commune and be in the same space together the day before the crucifixion. Wow. That is amazing. I did not know that. That is absolutely amazing. John Lawness who, well, I'm afraid to give everybody your Twitter account now because people out there are such jerks. They need to burn more incense and chill out is what they need to do. I so appreciate you joining us on this. And I just think that's very cool. Where can people find you and like find your recommendations and stuff? What's a good place to go? Yeah. So what I would do is I would go to Instagram. It's at Sheehan underscore wellness. So Sheehan underscore wellness. You can connect

with you there. You can also send an email to Sheehan Wellness at gmail.com. And then we'll go from there. Sounds great. Thank you so much for doing this. And I want to add, too, that John also works with veterans. And he helps work with, helps to manage their PTSD and all of that stuff. So you do a lot of great, great stuff for folks. So thank you so much and for joining us today. We'd love to have you back.

Thanks so much. Thanks, Dana. Merry Christmas. Have a good holiday. Merry Christmas. Bye bye. Bye. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five.

I was trying to repost a meme. All right. The lockdown effect. Americans' physical and mental health has deteriorated by every metric since the pandemic. And they say that it's, you know, it's all the lockdowns and all of that stuff. That's what's to blame. They say that half of the world is going to have a mental condition by age of 75. I'm so tired of this.

I am so tired of this. I am so tired of it. I'm tired of hearing that everybody, Big Pharma is trying to make you believe that you need all this stuff wrong with you so that you can take their pills forever. That's what they want. They released this. They surveyed 5,000 adults and they track their changes in mental and physical conditions. Have you ever thought that maybe things are stressful because stupid people are also making things stressful? We come in and create hard times. We're in that position right now. I don't know if people realize that, but that's where we are. So this is an NBC story. They're saying that race played a role in the sentencing of this 10-year-old

boy for urinating in public. So this kid, he's a 10-year-old kid who urinated in public. in August. He was sentenced to three months probation, and they said it's because he's black. He's in third grade. He was arrested on August 10th after a police officer saw him relieving himself next to his mom's car when she was inside an attorney's office. And they said that anybody would have done the same thing, or any child would have done the same thing, given the circumstances. There was no public restroom at the attorney's office. He had to go. There was no bathroom available to him. And I just, like, really, you got to get the courts involved for this? Now, is it

a question of race or is it, like, there are some people in positions in this town. According to the story was he had to write a story about Kobe Bryant. That's stupid. What is that about? That is stupid. That is so stupid. They said that he's not going to, they said it's probation, he's not going to have a

criminal record. It's a two-page report. And he has to check in with a probation officer for once a month for three months. That is so stupid. That is so unbelievably dumb. I just want to rage at this. This is ridiculous.

They said that, I mean, he's 10 years old. He's 10 years old. His mom was inside. She ran inside. Oh, my gosh. She's 10, guys. Come on.

And it's a Cenotopia in Mississippi. I don't know, like, what their party makeup is there. But I'd be shocked if the people running that town are Republican. Just saying. Just saying. All right. So, apparently, Park Hill. there's in Denver, there's a neighborhood in Denver

where somebody's been raiding houses and stealing ladies, panties. They said that some neighbors in this Denver community are on high alert. A man's been breaking into their homes and stealing women's underwear. He's called the Park Hill Panny Thief. Way to give him

a nickname that he's probably going to enjoy, guys. I mean, they said that he passed over PlayStation's computers, jewelry. Just took women's under, yeah, just took women's underwear. What's the matter with you? Like, why are you not stealing any of the good stuff. Don't take, I'm not saying that as advice. An auto industry eye subscription fees, this is so dumb. So you can pay monthly for heated seats and cruise control. Are you serious with me

right now? That is so dumb. That's so dumb. All right. Welcome back to the program, Dana last year with you. It's our last broadcast of this year, 2023, and we are back behind the mic on January 3rd. Now, one of the things that we do all throughout the year, I don't know when we started this 10 years ago, is we have really good at naming bands and apparently also bars but we you know all of this came out of just the daily news cycle

from the past year so it's like you'll hear a phrase and you're like man that sounds like a great band name so Kane adds it to the list and so we've made and by we he's made a top 10 list of the top 10 fictitional

fictitious band names of 2023 Kane yes ma'am and by the there was like 50 or 60. We average about one a week on the show every year. And so out of that 50 to 60, I have to whittle it down to these. This is my favorite one, I think. These fabulous 10. And then we have some honorable mentions as well. So at number 10, drum roll please. Number 10 is liquid meth. Yes, liquid meth. I love them. They're your favorite? They're one of my favorites. Yes, love liquid math. I don't even know if you can liquefy meth, but it's great. I mean, the name, not like the math. Can you liquefy?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know either. Merry Christmas. All right. Number nine is personal riots. Yes, I do this daily. Personal riot. That's true. You do.

Everybody should have their own personal riot. Absolutely. I'm going to have a personal riot right here in Walmart. Number eight needs a little bit of an explanation. This one is... Does it, though. Number eight is Big Gay Baby. Yes, I love Big Gay Baby.

BGB, what? Now, what is this? this, though. This is when we were doing the story on the trans people doing their shows. He literally will also appropriate an age. Like, not only will, like, a 60-year-old dude say that he's a chick, but then he'll be like, oh, not just any chick, a 10-year-old chick. Exactly, or a 6-year-old or something.

BGB, Big Gay Baby. Oh, boy. All right, that was number eight. Number seven. Love that one. Lesbian dudes. Lesbian dudes. That sounds like, what's that one?

lesbian duo were they sing that one song Galileo? Oh man, what is it? No. Indigo girls, thank you. That's like an indigo girls cover band. So it's like two people who just do indigo girl songs.

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen. It's lesbian dudes. All right, that was number seven. Number six, seizing the pounce. Which is appropriate after a lesbian dudes. Seizing the pounce. Seizing the pounce. And because that happens often with the pounce. Yeah, that's how the media treats us. I need to shut up and let you just do your thing.

Number five, first lady death match. Yes! First lady death match. I want that patch. That sounds like a fun time. This one's interesting. Yeah, number four, I think we know where this came from. And this was your, this isn't actually, this was you.

Sounds like a sandwich. This was you. Just so you know, this is all you. Frankenigner. Well, in my defense, that's what happens if you have like the mutilation surgery. Okay, go ahead. Sorry. Wow.

We got three more. Number three. Fatal Sound Polisian. Fatal sound pollution. Number two, illicit meat. We had that one just yesterday. I love it. And the number one, number one, Phil.

Drum roll. The fan bear, drum roll, all of it, please. Playground Warlord. The best. Playground Warlord. And their first album is Our Long Malling. Oh, my favorite. All right, I think I have time to mention these last few of you.

Missing Biscuits. Flag Team Rejects. Bobcat attack. Rat Zar. Those are the honorable mentions. There you go. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already,

make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.