The Date with Confidence Podcast - Dating Advice: Stop Giving People Chances When Your Intuition's Off

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

EPISODE 62: Dating Advice: Stop Giving People Chances When Your Intuition's OffOur monthly community episode is here!In this episode of The Date with Confidence Podcast, I answer the following questions:Is it just me who finds it sexual when someone touches inside my belly button?Would you be the one to initiate the conversation of going from dating to exclusive?How would you ask someone out without literally saying 'do you want to go out with me'?I’ve been seeing someone and my intuition is telling me something is off. I don’t know if I’m just being anxious and overthinking things. Should I give him a chance? From deciphering whether anxiety is clouding judgement to trusting your gut feelings, I share my personal philosophy and experiences to help you date with confidence. If you’ve ever questioned whether to “give someone a chance,” this episode is a must-listen! ***BLACK FRIDAY BUNDLES: Available until 1st December***How to Overcome Anxious Attachment When Dating Someone NewGet Involved!You can contribute your stories to the Date with Confidence Podcast here. Support The Date with Confidence PodcastIf you'd like to show your support for the podcast, you can do so in these ways:1) Share the podcast with your friends2) Leave me a review on iTunes stating what you love most about the podcast so more people can find it3) Buy me a coffee to express you gratitude for the episodes if you found them helpful, inspiring or entertainingResourcesThe 9 Red Flags You Need to Stop Ignoring ImmediatelyThe Dating DebriefAttract on the AppsLoved UpThe Breakup Bounce BackThe Confidence KitThe Confidence CourseVisit The Date with Confidence website here. Subscribe to our YouTube channel.Follow your host Rebecca Hawkes on Instagram and TikTok. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to the Date With Confidence podcast. We have got another community episode today, which I know we are a week late, but we're not gonna worry about that. I'm pretty sure last month was a week late as well. I'm pretty sure last month was the third Monday of the month, when before they were always the second Monday of the month. But let's not worry about that. We have got a few questions today so let's just get straight into it. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been. With practical episodes that'll provide you with easy to

implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date alongside light-hearted catch-ups where your host rebecca that's me by the way shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life you are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come and if it all falls to shit there's a special first season dedicated to breakups you are welcome my friend subscribe review and share with your single friends uh listener one says brilliant pod i find your advice so helpful and in response to the what are your biggest x question they say if they take selfies and if they wear vests and I am 100% with you with the whole vest thing my ex used to wear vests all the time but that's because we lived

in like tropical countries and it didn't really bother me because we had known each other like before we got together so the whole like wearing a vest thing was just how I knew him and because as I said we lived in like Thailand and Australia and Honduras and because it was so hot it just didn't really bother me but in general men wearing vests just gives me the ick. Taking selfies, I don't think I've ever dated anyone that does take selfies and as someone that has to take a lot of selfies for their business I don't feel like I have a right to comment on someone else taking lots of selfies so I am like jury's out for me there but yeah I'm so with you on the vests then they had a question I listened to your latest episode

so this was an episode a few weeks ago. I think this was the last community episode. So it would have been a month ago. I listened to your latest episode and thought the belly button story was gold. I have a related question to ask, but I'm not sure if it's the kind of thing that you discuss. Honestly, anything that you want to ask, I will happily discuss on here. The question is, why do I feel it in my and then it's cat emoji so obviously we know what that refers to vagina except it's the p word and I don't like saying the p word so that's made me cringe a little bit so thanks very much for that

um whenever I so let me go back to the question why do I feel it in my cat emoji whenever I or someone else touches inside my belly button to the point where it's almost sexual is it just me I don't think it's just you the belly button and I actually googled this in prep for the answer for this question is actually an erogenous zone which means it's a sensitive area that can produce erotic sensations when touched with the finger or tongue um that is straight from google definition so and that's the case like any erogenous zone um produces those erotic sensations so things like ears neck belly button in this case your inner thighs remember that episode of friends where um monica and rachel have drawn the places that they like a partner to go to before the kind of finale and she don't does the whole like one two three a one two two a two one a three one a seven seven you know

you know like you must have seen that episode that's like talking about the different erogenous zones and a belly button can absolutely be one of those it is not just you you are not unusual because you feel that way I also think it depends like who's touching it and how they're touching it and when it's being touched as well I think that can kind of come into it um but it's completely normal and as we've spoke about before the whole belly button fetish thing I think that probably plays into it as well the fact that it feels good when somebody touches you there so you're completely normal it's very common for a lot of people so thank you for that question yeah and as I said like any questions that you have I'll happily answer them on here I don't think there's a question that you could ask

that I would deem inappropriate I always like to give my perspective my point of view on these things so ask away if you've got a question that you want to ask me then you can go to datewithconfidencepodcast.com contribute and there is a question like there's a form that you can go to datewithconfidencepodcast.com contribute and there is a question like there's a form that you can fill out so you can put your name in if you want to if you don't want to put your name in obviously a lot of people ask questions that haven't shared their name because they'd rather stay anonymous and that's absolutely fine there's also a couple of other questions in there like as listener one says here they answered the what are your biggest x question things like if you've got dating advice that you want to share then you can share that in that form as well so we've got two more questions

the first being again these are both anonymous first question was actually asked on spotify so if you listen on spotify there is a place where you can ask questions directly in spotify and i can answer them in this episode in these community episodes so the question was would you be the one to initiate the conversation of going from dating to exclusive also how would you ask someone out with without literally saying do you want to go out with me so would i be the one to initiate the conversation of going from dating to exclusive? I am trying to think about how I feel about this, I don't think I would, I mean possibly, if it had been like three or four months, possibly, but I am also very much of the belief that the like my future husband and I talk about this a lot where I will say

my future husband does this or my husband behaves like this or and that's me like calling in the person and reminding myself of the standards that I have for the type of relationship I desire my husband will be the one to initiate the conversation my husband will be so certain about me he will turn around to me and say I want you to be my girlfriend relatively early on when he knows and I feel like he will know and I will know quite quickly that we want to be together so I feel like maybe if it had been three or four months and maybe I would initiate it but I also haven't been in that position where like not since not like since my early 20s and I even even in my early 20s there wasn't this whole thing around like dating and then being exclusive and then

being a boyfriend and girlfriend you were kind of like dating and then you were together there was no extra steps like 12 13 years ago so I haven't been in this position where I've had to say to someone like what are we so maybe I would after like yeah like three or four months in maybe I would initiate it I don't actually know I'm not opposed to it completely but I just also feel like my husband will be the one that initiates that conversation and if after three or four months we haven't had that conversation and it's not clear where things are going then I feel like it's probably not the right person anyway just my instinct I'm I do believe the whole when you know you know so I don't yeah I don't feel like there'll be any confusion around what's going on and how would you ask someone out without literally saying do

you want to go out with me I am assume like I'm gonna assume that question is in like do you want to go out with me is like do you want to go on a date with me so I don't think there's any need to like any need to complicate things I don't think there's any need to say it other than do you want to go on a date with me or can I take you out for a date or can we go for coffee or anything like that I think the simpler and the more straightforward you are the better because then it takes out any potential confusion whereas if you kind of skirt around things or try and say it in a way that's not outright saying it then it can just be confusion confusing for both parties and you both don't know where you stand so I think just going do you want to go for a drink or whatever it is is the best way to do things okay then our third listener I've been seeing someone and my intuition is telling me

something is off I don't know if I'm just being anxious and overthinking things should I give him a chance honestly no I feel like that's such a blunt answer if your intuition is telling you something is off something is off and you don't need to give him a chance I am so past the point of giving people chances and again that comes from my belief of like when you know you know my body will know when it's the right person if I am feeling anxious or uncertain or my intuition is screaming at me they are not the person for me i very much know and believe that i will be so calm in my body and i will be so certain in my mind and there won't be any doubt and there won't be any questioning and there won't be any of this like oh well i'm not sure so i'll keep seeing them if your intuition is telling you something is off your intuition is always always always always

right there has never been a point in my life where my intuition has lied to me and has been wrong there have been many a times in my life where my intuition has told me something and i've chosen to ignore it and then the outcome has proven my intuition right or the outcome hasn't been what i've wanted and then i've gone oh but I didn't know that and then I think back to things and I'm like oh yeah but your intuition was telling you all along that this wasn't the right thing for you so I really yes you could be experiencing anxiety as well and your anxiety could be your intuition reaffirming the fact that something is off and that something isn't quite right here I don't believe in giving people chances I really really don't and I honestly couldn't care less

what people think about that for years I gave people chances and for years I was walked all over and shat all over and then there were times where I gave people chances because they were not my type and I felt like I needed to try something outside of my type and I would ask other people like I'm not really feeling it he's not my type I don't fancy him or there's something about him that I'm not sure of but actually he's treating me nicely should I give him a chance and people have been like yeah give him a chance like he's not your usual type that's a good thing your type hasn't done you very well so try outside your type and then three months down the line I'm like no it's fucking right in the first place okay my intuition wasn't screaming at me in terms of like anxiety and can't sleep can't eat can't breathe kind of thing it wasn't in that respect

but there was this niggling part in my mind that was just like he's just not for you and then three months down the line proved it like proved my intuition right and proved that mindset where I was like yeah no this is 100% on my person so I just don't I don't believe in giving people chances I think you will know when it's the right person you will know when they are good for you you will know when they are bad for you listen to that trust that why the fuck would you waste your time giving someone a chance just in case they turn out to be the right one, instead of continuing to date until you do find the right one, until you do feel that chemistry, until you do feel that spark, until you do find someone that's on your level. The way I see it is, if I'm spending a month, two months, three months,

four months giving someone a chance, that's four months of my life where I could be out there meeting different people, meeting lots of different types of people, meeting more people who will ultimately lead me to the right person. I do sometimes believe that dating is a numbers game and the more people you date, the clearer you get on what you actually want and the closer you will be to finding the person for you. And I don't believe in giving someone a chance if there's already that doubt, if you've already got that niggle, if you've already got that feeling, if your intuition's already telling you something why would you waste your time giving someone a chance when in four months time the end result is just going to be

there it's almost like you giving someone a chance is you settling for an option that might be okay in the future if you're if you're in that mindset of should I give them a chance you're already in that mindset that they're not the person that you want to be with but you feel this obligation to keep seeing them because I don't know maybe it's because they're a nice guy maybe it's because they're treating you well maybe it's because they're better than the last one maybe it's because we've been brainwashed that we have to give people chances and therefore that is more important than us trusting our own in a narrative and our own intuition. I just don't, why would you waste your time? I don't, I just don't agree with that. I feel like giving someone

a chance when, I feel like if you're in the mindset of, oh should I give them a chance, you already know you're going to be settling for less than you deserve it will be abundantly clear to you when you meet the person that you deserve that they are the one for you I believe that to my core whether that's right whether that's wrong everyone that I know personally alongside the countless stories I've read online, on documentaries, on wherever it is, every single person who I have met who is in a loving, healthy relationship with their forever person and who has the relationship that they have always desired and dreamed of, every single person I know knew from the moment that they met them whether that's

my brother and sister-in-law maybe my brother didn't my sister-in-law was like straight away the night she met Luke was like I'm gonna marry him and lo and behold married third baby's about to be born any day now which is very exciting my best mate knew that the partner that he's with that he's um fiance now actually and the mother of his two children he knew that he wanted to be with her like there was no no question about it she was completely different from all the other women that he'd ever dated and honestly like I never thought that he would settle down before I did because he was very much like um like Jack the Lad, like, player kind of guy, and honestly, like, complete 180 flip when he met her, and because I've got this evidence of these people who have met, and have known, and have known

instantly, and had that chemistry, and there's been no doubt about it, and they've known they're the one for them, I believe that I get to have that too, I believe that that's possible for me, and I believe that when I meet my person, I am going to absolutely know, and I also believe that I get to have that too. I believe that that's possible for me. And I believe that when I meet my person, I am going to absolutely know. And I also believe that my husband is going to be 100% certain about me. So as going back to the other question, there's going to be no question around us needing to have the conversation. He's going to know I want you to be my girlfriend and he's going to ask me immediately because he's going to be certain about me. I, my future husband is going to be certain about me and I'm going to be certain about me I my future husband is going to be certain about me and I'm going to be certain about them so to just reiterate my answer just in

case I wasn't clear should you give him a chance no you absolutely shouldn't give him a chance why waste your time go and find someone so much better who you don't need to be in this questioning phase with and you don't need to be in this like anxious like am I just anxious am I overthinking it should I give him a chance like something's telling me something's wrong like no go and date someone who doesn't give you that confusion and if anxious attachment is something that you struggle with then do go back and listen to episode 59 how to overcome an anxious attachment when you're dating someone new because there is so much good stuff in there I literally tell you everything that I have done to overcome my anxious attachment go and listen to that episode now we're gonna leave this there thank you so much for listening

I know this was quite a fast-paced quick short episode I hope you are well also coming this Thursday it's my Black Friday sale so from the 21st of November until the 1st of December I have got three Black Friday bundles that are exclusively available for this period and any of them will support you in your dating life during your single life they'll help you to raise your standards get over breakups, feel confident dating again. Like they're really incredible bundles. So I will leave the link to those in the show notes. You can go and check those out.

As I said, they're only available until the 1st of December. But if you want to dive deeper, this is like the perfect time for you to invest in working with me, invest in extra support from me. If you've already benefited benefited from the podcast imagine how much deeper we can go with one of these bundles so go check that out I love you thank you for listening and I will see you in the next one thanks so much for listening to the date with confidence podcast I hope you've enjoyed this episode subscribe rate and review and share it with your single friends you