The Date with Confidence Podcast - Dating Diaries: A New Year, A New Season

Starting point is 00:00:00 It is the start of a new year, which means it is the start of a new dating season. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been. With practical episodes that'll provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date, alongside light-hearted catch-ups where your host Rebecca, that's me by the way, shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life, you are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles, empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come. And if it all falls to shit,

Starting point is 00:00:44 there's a special first season dedicated to breakups. You are welcome, my friend. Subscribe, review and share with your single friends. Is it a new dating season? Does this count as a new dating season? I feel like everything else is like new year, new start. And I know that you've already had a couple of episodes that were recorded back in 2023, but this is the first episode that I'm officially recording in 2024, which is very exciting. So welcome back to the Date With Confidence podcast, or if you have just joined us here, then a big massive welcome. I'm delighted that you have arrived here. This episode is going to be a catchy-uppy kind of episode, just to sort of talk about where I'm at

Starting point is 00:01:28 with dating right now and to tell you about the date that I've got coming up on Saturday which I'm kind of excited about I am kind of excited about if you remember when I recorded the I know what I deserve now episode that episode was supposed to be a pre-date episode for me to talk about the guy that I was supposed to go on the date with and how I'd been out with the girls for dinner and they were like, oh you should do this episode where you chat about your expectations and what you think the date's gonna go like and then you can follow up afterwards once you've been on the date but that date didn't happen so I thought I would do that with this episode about the day that I'm gonna go on on Saturday. So I'm gonna also do a very brief recap of my dating life in

Starting point is 00:02:14 2023 because what I loved, I saw loads of TikTok videos where they were doing their dating wrapped and I really loved it and I made notes to do my own but it never actually happened for a multitude of reasons, mainly because my December was shocking so I just didn't get the chance to do it and I feel like that kind of content, it's very like trend heavy isn't it? Like it's not something that I could put out now that would have the same effect and people would probably be bored of it now so I thought I would just give you a quick rundown of my dating life in 2023 on the podcast and then we will dive in to the new man that has entered re-entered my life okay so in 2023 I went on six first dates two second dates and one third date I had four cancelled first dates two made it to whatsapp without resulting in a date two people I really liked one of which I

Starting point is 00:03:13 hadn't actually met and that was the I know what I deserve now episode guy I kind of really liked him although having since had conversations with friends a few friends have been like he was definitely a catfish which I really hope he wasn't because of the conversations that we had but it's fine. I had four first dates involving food, one first kiss on these dates, I was on five different dating apps, I got sent one dick pic which was completely unsolicited and resulted in the guy getting blocked and this is very interesting this is this is like the quickest sum up of my dating life ever because I've not actually, I'm looking at my notes app and I'm like, oh yeah, I didn't, I didn't actually put

Starting point is 00:03:55 down all the facts and figures. But in case you are interested in that dating apps that I was on, I was on Hinge, Bumble, Thursday, Field and Tinder so I was on five different dating apps. Hinge resulted in 42 matches, five first dates and two second dates. Bumble resulted in 12 matches, one first date and three cancelled first dates. Thursday resulted in four matches and there were two people that suggested a date but then I let the timer run out so the dates didn't actually happen or get booked. Field resulted in 10 matches and two potential first dates. Those two people moved to WhatsApp but I haven't actually continued talking to them since and Tinder resulted in two matches and there were a lot of people that

Starting point is 00:04:46 i haven't gone through like i have a massive this sounds this makes me sound so arrogant like there's a massive pipeline i literally have thousands of people waiting to decide whether i want to match with them or not across um bumble tinder and field but i just don't i just can't be arsed with it i didn't really date much in um December because of what was going on in my personal life I wasn't on the apps in December because again what was going on my personal personal life I haven't been through my matches so there are probably more people that I'm I could potentially match with um Hinge got the most matches because I was on there from the start of the year whereas I only joined Bumble, I think it was like August or September. Thursday I joined in, or I went on it for the first time in December.

Starting point is 00:05:29 Field I joined, I think in November. And Tinder I think I also joined in November. So there's a lot of potential out there, but I just haven't really invested that much time and energy into it. And something that I want to say to you you if you are feeling like the dating pool is really small or there aren't any decent guys out there or you are struggling with this idea that you're never going to find the one I heard someone say this phrase I don't remember who it was I think I saw it on an Instagram story the other day about how this woman was like there are less than one percent of men in the world who are the right fit for me and then her friend did the calculation at what less than one percent

Starting point is 00:06:12 of men in the world would be and it was something like four million men was it four million or four hundred thousand either way they are big numbers because there was something like i don't know four billion men in the world. So 1% of that I think is like 400,000. Oh, or 4 million. No, I think it is 4 million. Oh my goodness. I don't know what the math was.

Starting point is 00:06:39 Anyway, there are hundreds of thousands of potential men or women out there for you. So don't get disheartened. I know it can feel really disheartening, especially when you match with a load of people or you spend time talking to people and then it never leads anywhere. It is frustrating. It can feel annoying, but the right one is out there waiting for you. And that leads me on to how I think dating is going to be different in 2024. Is it going to be different? I don't know. My my experience so far having not been on the dating apps and got a date booked in is that things are changing people are wanting to date differently people are kind of bored with apps people have had enough of the scrolling and the too much choice-ness of the apps and people are doing things differently and I know this from my own

Starting point is 00:07:23 example which I'm going to show you in a second and I was speaking to a friend the other day and she messaged me to say that she's got a date this weekend oh my god actually was it last weekend maybe it was last weekend oh I'm gonna have to message her now um she had been out with her friends on a night out and she's seen this guy that she fancied so she put on her big brave pants and she left her number for him now she didn't go up to him and give him her number but she gave her number to her friend who passed the number on to the guy and they got a date booked and I really like this organic way of dating and it is something that I am going to consider doing more of in 2024 so if I am out and I see a guy that I find attractive or if I

Starting point is 00:08:08 like the look of someone which is essentially seeing them as attractive then I am going to try my best to be brave and bold and give them my number or at least spark up some type of conversation where I can gauge whether or not they're single and then potentially give them my number because I think it would I think is a nice way to meet someone organically like that because you also don't have the whole rigmarole of talking for ages to see whether there might be chemistry when you meet them first time in person you can already pick up on the chemistry if you meet them straight away and then decide can already pick up on the chemistry if you meet them straight away and then decide to give them your number I know it's tricky if it's just a fleeting

Starting point is 00:08:50 moment but you still already know whether you find them attractive or anything like that so I do think the way that people are dating is going to change in 2024 and I would encourage you to also be really brave in if you see someone out give them your number what have you got to lose like genuinely what have you got to lose if they say no if they are in a relationship or they don't message you it's not the end of the world is it there's like billions of people in the world I know you're not going to meet everyone but there are billions of people in the world and the worst thing that happens is your ego is a little bit bruised but then you get over it and you move on and you find someone else so a new guy's into the chat

Starting point is 00:09:34 he's not a new guy he's someone that I've known for ages oh my god this is actually gonna be really embarrassing even when I was speaking to him I told him that I've got um like a podcast and I said that I've got one about dating and he was like, oh God, I'm not going to be on it, am I? And I was like'd gotten over my too afraid to leave the house stage and I was in my year of saying yes to all the things that scared me and one of those things was going out at the weekend so going to pubs going to clubs going to bars because my phobia of sick had kept me trapped in the house for a couple of years. I was terrified to leave the house in case someone was sick. I had panic attacks regularly, really bad anxiety, which I talk so much more in depth on in The Confidence Show, my other podcast. But essentially I'd had

Starting point is 00:10:37 this moment where I was nearly fired from my job and I decided that I was going to change my life. So I started saying yes to all the things that scared me. One of them being going to the bars, clubs, pubs, etc. So I started going out regularly and once I'd started going out, I really started to enjoy myself. I drank quite heavily, which helped with the social anxiety, but I started to enjoy myself.

Starting point is 00:10:57 And there was a pub that I always used to go to. We went on this, it was the same routine every night. I don't know if you did this as well, but if you have like a local town, then we just tended to follow this particular route. So we'd always start off in the Goose and then we'd go to World's Inn and then we'd go to, depending on who I was with,

Starting point is 00:11:19 either Buddha or I think the club was called Edge. Was it Edge? It's a bit more like emo-y rocky kind of vibes whereas Buddha was a bit more dance music house music um clubby kind of vibes so we'd always start in the ghost and I was with this group of friends and then I met this guy there and I I've even asked him this I was like how did we actually meet I don't remember how we met I remember chatting with him multiple times. I remember bumping into him on nights out. I remember talking to him but I don't remember that initial meeting and he has since reminded me that he was one of the people that said to me

Starting point is 00:11:58 you should go traveling because at the time he was back from wherever he was living. He'd been living in Southeast Asia. I know he's lived in lao and cambodia i think he traveled vietnam as well and thailand but he had he was talking to me about his travels and he was like you should go traveling and i was like oh my god i could never do that and then a few months later i'd booked my solo trip around the world and I always remember the feeling that this guy gave me so whilst I don't really remember the conversations that we had I always remember the way he made me feel and that was nice it always made me feel really good about myself there was always a chemistry there we used to flirt a lot and it was just nice like there was always something there

Starting point is 00:12:48 but nothing ever happened with us no he said he thought we'd hooked up but I'm so certain that we didn't because I genuinely feel like I would have remembered because I've oh god I really don't want him to listen to this but I've thought about him like a few times over the last 12 years. Like he's kind of, he's come into my mind a couple of times and he's always been someone that I've wondered about. I don't know if you have this, but there are certain people that you meet in your life where the chemistry is obviously there you might flirt with them a lot maybe you do hook up with them but there's always this thought of I wonder what would have happened if we had hooked up so certain that we never did anyway he went back off traveling then I went traveling I think we bumped

Starting point is 00:13:38 into each other again when I'd been back from Australia maybe or when I'd been back from Thailand and at that point I was with or I was dating my ex-boyfriend and then me and my ex traveled to Utila together like we moved to Honduras together and we're together for then like five years so we split up four years ago and I don't really go out in Romford anymore so I would not have bumped into him and I also when I started my business as a social media manager I created a new Facebook profile so I didn't have him as a friend on my new Facebook profile but the other day or actually the other day I say the other day it was the start of this year so maybe like the second or third of January I can't remember I went onto my old Facebook profile and I'd seen that he'd said happy birthday to me in December on my Facebook wall so I liked his

Starting point is 00:14:39 happy birthday comment and I added him as a friend on my new profile and pretty quickly he messaged me to say like oh my god how the fuck are you haven't spoke to you for years how are you doing so pleased to hear from you and we got chatting like straight away and he was like oh my god it's so good like I've been he was like I've been messaging your old profile for the last seven or eight years I was like oh my god I feel so bad you or eight years. I was like, oh my God, I feel so bad. You must have thought that I was so rude just not listening to you. And then he quickly was like, I'll message you on, like, give me your number and I'll message you on WhatsApp. So we carry on chatting on WhatsApp.

Starting point is 00:15:18 And we start talking about, I think we, I don't know how we got onto the topic of kids, but we talked about kids. And he was like, oh, I thought you were all settled down. He was like, I thought you were very much settled down. He was like, the last I knew you were with Tom. And I thought that that was you kind of sorted like off the market kind of thing. And I was like, no, I'm very much single. And from there, we just carried on chatting,

Starting point is 00:15:43 carried on catching up. And he was like, it'd be really nice to catch up and see you. He lives, he lives far now, annoyingly far. He lives out in the country a little bit more. So he's about an hour away from me, which would be fine if it was an hour into London, for example, because it's really convenient to get to. Whereas to get to him now is very inconvenient but he'd said he'd drive to Romford to come and meet up with me and yeah we carried on chatting we were going to meet up as friends we've talked non-stop since we reconnected which is unheard of for me. Typically, I'll do like one or two days where I'm back and forth, back and forth, and then the ADHD takes control. And I either lose interest or that initial

Starting point is 00:16:33 excitement's gone, or I just reply in my head and forget to respond in real life. But we've been chatting back and forth pretty consistently. And a couple of days into us talking he was like fuck it do you want to go on a date and I said well what's the difference I said if we meet up and it feels like date vibes then it's a date and if we meet up and it doesn't feel like a date then we're just hanging out as friends and he was like yeah okay cool like that's fine because I was like I don't want to put the pressure on myself of it being a date because then I'm like I've got to impress him or I've got to behave a certain way and he was like you don't need to impress me you've already impressed me you impressed me when I first met you all those years ago which is very

Starting point is 00:17:18 sweet very very sweet and then as the conversations carried on it's definitely turned into a proper date which he has now organized and planned for us for Saturday so I'm recording this on Monday morning so by the time this actually comes out to you we'll have already been on the day and I will have recorded a follow-up episode but the date is planned for Saturday I don't know what we're doing which on the one hand I really like because I love surprises I love an adventure I love it when someone takes the time to organize something for me that feels really nice I know we're doing an activity and then we're gonna go for food but I don't know what the activity is. And then on the other hand, I'm like, I really struggle not knowing information. I think it's a control thing. I'm like, but I want to know what we are doing so that I can dress accordingly.

Starting point is 00:18:16 And he was like, you don't have to dress up for me. As I said, you've not tried to impress me. Like you don't need to impress me. You've already already impressed me I don't care what you turn up wearing just as long as you're comfortable and I'm like okay that's fine but also please don't let that mean that you're not gonna make an effort which I haven't said to him I know he's gonna make an effort it's gonna be fine um because I also told him the um the story of the guy that turned up in a tracksuit which is episode 13 I think so the near perfect date story I've already told him about the episode so he knows that I do have certain expectations about what I want from a first date so it's exciting I feel I feel like such an idiot smiling so much I have I have gone very back and forth with him. I'm like, there's part of me that's like, this would actually be an incredible fairy tale story

Starting point is 00:19:12 if we ended up dating and something came of it. And then there's part of me that's like, oh my God, what if we meet up and the chemistry's not there anymore what if it's awkward what if I don't fancy him what if he's completely different in real life I don't know you know when you just build something up in your head but I am very much looking forward to it I think it's going to be nice I'm hoping that it's just going to be chilled and fun and no pressure and yeah we will see so that is that is my first first date of 2024 I'm not really on the apps again at the moment I've had a little browse just through boredom more than anything but I haven't matched with anyone new I haven't spoken to anyone new because I don't have the headspace to put in the time and energy for it at the moment. I've still got some dating stories that I want to share with you. So until I've used up all my

Starting point is 00:20:10 dating stories, I feel like I don't need to be going on a first date right now. So I'm probably gonna steer clear of the apps just for a little bit longer, see how this date goes on Saturday. And yeah, so I'm excited. I don't know what to wear though part of me is like do I just do jeans and a jumper and then do my hair and makeup nice and accessorize so that I look a bit more made up or do I do a jumper and skirt and then downplay it so that I don't look too overdressed what am I going to do do I go and buy something new which I don't really want to do I could yeah I don't know what we're gonna do but I'm looking forward to it and I will be telling you everything that happens I am sure so fingers crossed it goes well fingers crossed it goes well

Starting point is 00:21:00 and I can talk about the date in the next episode I'm gonna have to talk about it anyway because I'm planning to publish this on Monday so okay that's it for this rambly episode I would love to hear from you please come and contribute to the date with confidence podcast by going to datewithconfidencepodcast.com contribute share with me your dating stories share with me your hopes for dating in 2024 share your ics your red flags your disaster date stories share everything and anything with me and of course I'm available if you want to ask me your advice ask me for advice if you want to share a concern with me and yeah I will see you in the next one thanks so much for listening to the date with

Starting point is 00:21:47 confidence podcast I hope you've enjoyed this episode subscribe rate and review and share it with your single friends you

The Date with Confidence Podcast - Dating Diaries: A New Year, A New Season

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