The Date with Confidence Podcast - Don't Let Their Negative Dating Experiences Impact You (There Are Still Good Men Out There)

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

EPISODE 66: Don't Let Their Negative Dating Experiences Impact You (There Are Still Good Men Out There)If you’ve ever thought: “I used to feel hopeful about dating, but now all I hear is horror stories.” “Everyone around me says men are trash, and part of me is starting to believe it.”“There’s no such thing as a fairytale anymore, online dating is just full of ghosters, love bombers and men who only want sex”…this is for you. In this episode of The Date with Confidence Podcast, I’m calling out the negative dating narratives that aren’t yours to buy into. If you’ve ever found yourself absorbing horror stories from friends, group chats, or reels and wondering if love is even worth it anymore, this episode is your pep talk to believe in better. I dive into how our mindset, beliefs, and standards shape our dating experiences—and how you don’t have to settle just because others did. I also share a personal dating story that reminded me firsthand that good men do exist, and explain why holding your standards is a powerful act of self-respect, not pickiness.Here's the general vibe of the episode:1. Letting Go of Fear-Based Dating Narratives: Why other people’s bad experiences don’t define your future2. Reclaiming Hope in Dating: Shifting back into trust and belief that love is possible3. The Power of Standards: Why you don’t need to lower the bar to find connection4. Dating From an Empowered Place: Honouring your intuition and knowing when to walk away, even from someone who’s “good”5. Loving Your Single Life: Why being single doesn’t mean you're behind—and how it actually supports high-standard datingMentioned:Manifest The OneConfident AF: The MembershipBlindsided By Red Flags After Healing? How to Remove the ShameGet Involved!You can contribute your stories to the Date with Confidence Podcast here. Share your best or worst dating stories, your biggest icks, dating tips you think everyone should know or ask me anything about my dating life or a burning question you need an answer for.  Support The Date with Confidence PodcastIf you'd like to show your support for the podcast, you can do so in these ways:1) Share the podcast with your friends2) Leave me a review on iTunes stating what you love most about the podcast so more people can find it3) Buy me a coffee to express your gratitude for the episodes if you found them helpful, inspiring or entertainingVisit The Date with Confidence website here. Follow your host Rebecca Hawkes on Instagram. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you've ever thought, I used to feel so hopeful about dating, but now all I hear is horror stories. Or everyone around me says men are trash and part of me is starting to believe that. Or there's no such thing as a fairy tale anymore, online dating is full of ghosters, love bombers and men who only want sex. This is the episode for you. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been. With practical episodes that will provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date, alongside lighthearted catch ups where your host Rebecca, that's me by the way, shares her own experience dating after 4 years of the single life, you are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles, empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come. And if it all falls to

shit there's a special first season dedicated to breakups, you are welcome my friend. Subscribe, review and share with your single friends. Today we are reclaiming your mindset, we are releasing the horror stories, the toxic dating narratives and your friends dating experiences. Their experiences don't get to become your expectation. We are shifting back into hope, belief and trust that our nobody wants this relationship is inevitable for us. Let's be honest, hearing someone go on a rant about how all the good men are taken can feel a bit disheartening, especially if you've already had your heart broken a

few times. Add in the reels, the group chats, the don't get your hopes up energy and suddenly it feels like the whole world is warning you to expect the worst when you're in your dating era. This then creates a fear-based narrative that might even lead you to lowering your standards almost like self-protection. You don't think the type of person you desire actually exists and instead of holding out for someone who meets you at your level, you lower the bar and settle for someone who's nice enough or the best so far just because you can't believe there's better out there. But here is the thing, their experiences or experiences of their friends or reals they've watched

on socials doesn't mean that is your fate too. Just because your sister dated three emotionally unavailable men in a row doesn't mean that's gonna be the case for you. Just because your friend settled for less doesn't mean that you have to. Just because the last four dates you went on ended with splitting the cost of a 40-quid meal and you asking all the questions doesn't mean that that is going to be the case for your next four dates. What you think, you believe, what you believe becomes your reality. So if you're buying into their stories and telling yourself the same things, that's likely something that you will end up experiencing yourself. But you're allowed to write an entirely different story for yourself. You're allowed to believe in better. You're allowed to trust that not every

dating experience ends in disaster. Dating's meant to be fun, exciting, a chance to meet your potential soulmate if that's what you believe in. It shouldn't come with this negative narrative and this heavy feeling of disappointment before you've even matched with someone. And okay, we obviously have to acknowledge that we do have bad experiences. Our friends have had shitty dates, there are many, many stories of disaster, but what we don't have to believe is that that's the case every single time. What can I compare it to? So we have all had bad dining experiences right? Where the food's been average, the service has been absolutely shocking, the

restaurant itself didn't have a good vibe, yet we don't then think, oh my god, every time I go for dinner it's gonna be a complete disaster, so what is the point in me even going out for a meal? No. You just don't go there again. And dating is exactly the same. You can be the person who has done the inner work, who knows what they want, what they deserve, the person who values themself, and the person who has done the inner work, who knows what they want, what they deserve, the person who values themselves and the person who still believes that there are good men out there. When you shift into the mindset of good men still exist or good women if that's your preference, you're building that belief and that becomes your inner narrative. This is essentially you saying to yourself, I'm not going to lower my standards in fear that the only way to be in a relationship is to settle for better

than their experiences. You're saying I believe in something bigger than their dating disasters. You're saying I trust myself to spot red flags, say strong in my standards and walk away the moment I know it's not right without needing to give up on love altogether. I was dating someone recently and for the most part everything was great. He was someone who showed a lot of interest in getting to know me, who made his feelings clear, who is emotionally available, who had similar values to me and who desired a similar lifestyle. Yeah, on the seventh day I realized for multiple reasons he wasn't the one. He didn't meet the standards I

have for myself and therefore I knew that even though he could give me a good life, I'd be settling for a relationship that wasn't entirely what I desired. So instead of continuing to give him a chance, because that's obviously what we're encouraged to do as women, I listened to my intuition and ended things two days later. And although it didn't work out, he was proof that genuinely good men do exist. And if they exist once, of course they're gonna exist again. Your standards are your standards for a reason. You need to make sure you're crystal clear on these so you don't settle, especially when you meet someone who's better than the others but still not right for you and if you're not

clear on them then check out Manifest The One which is in the show notes. This 10-day instant access program will help you to get clear on exactly what you do want from a relationship so you can date with confidence and ensure you don't settle. And I am taking myself back through that exact process, now I'm starting at the beginning again and going back on the apps and I like to do this after every dating experience, I take myself back through my own process, remind myself of what I want, get even clearer on my standards because that's the thing, when you have dated someone there are parts of that experience that show you something you

don't want, so it helps you to refine what you do want. So I'm taking myself through that process, revisiting my dating vision board and looking at where I can actually get tighter on what I desire and what I can do the next time I'm in that dating situation. You are allowed to want dates that leave you feeling amazing about yourself and excited for the next one. You are allowed to want a relationship that feels exciting and passionate and like your equals in terms of the effort that you're putting in. You're allowed to want a person who makes you feel safe and

sexy at the same time. You're allowed to want someone who's close you want to rip off and who you want to talk to into the early hours of the morning with. You're allowed a partner who listens to your dreams, holds your hand through the hard days and never makes you feel like you're asking for too much. You're allowed to want someone who sweeps you off your feet and makes you feel like the most important person in the world. Like honestly, you're allowed to want whatever the fuck you want. That's not too picky, that's your standard. Your standards aren't too high, they are yours and they

are your standards for a reason and you're allowed to believe that your standard exists. It makes it easier to be in this mindset when you actually love your single life, when you can enjoy your single chapter knowing it won't be forever and actually enjoy this period of your life as you date and look for your long-term partner. The next time someone tries to dump their dating bitterness on you, remember that you can hold space for their feelings and validate how it must have felt for them, and you can stay anchored into your own beliefs around the dating experiences that are possible for you.

You don't just want to tell them that they're making it up or say, I don't believe in that, or anything like, it's your fault that this happened because you believed the wrong thing, like at all you can still support your friends you can still hold space for them and their experiences and you can choose to believe that that isn't something that you are available for for yourself you're allowed to want more you're allowed to believe that more exists and you're

allowed to say that might have been your experience but mine's gonna be different and that doesn't mean you need to say it to their face if they're struggling, you can simply just say that to yourself internally so you don't get trapped in those negative beliefs. If this episode is exactly what you needed to hear and you want ongoing support to help you stop letting other people's disappointment shape how you show up in love, check out the Confident AF membership. You can use the coaching space to rewrite dating narratives, raise your dating standards without shame and shift you back into an empowered dating mindset. It's your

space and the coaching is tailored to your exact needs. Dating doesn't have to feel draining, it can feel empowering, expansive and completely aligned with who you are. Always remember, your standards aren't too high, you're just not settling. And yes, there are still good men and women and non-binary folks out there, but more importantly, you're the type of person who deserves them. Never forget that you're worthy and deserving of the relationship you desire, and if you desire it, it is destined for you. If you enjoyed this episode, please take 10 seconds to leave me a review on iTunes, share it on your socials or send it to your single friends and if you missed the last episode on how to remove

the shame when you've been blindsided by red flags after healing, go give that a listen now. If you want to contribute to the Date with Confidence podcast, go to datewithconfidencepodcast.com slash contribute, share your it's, share your stories, ask me for my dating advice, whatever you want and we will get a community episode back out again very soon. Thanks so much for listening and I'll see you in the next one. Thanks so much for listening to the Date with Confidence podcast. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Subscribe, rate and review and share it with your single friends. you