The Date with Confidence Podcast - How to Cancel a Date with the 'Nice One'

Episode Date: November 20, 2023

EPISODE 18: How to Cancel a Date with the 'Nice One'You’ve been on a lovely date with a lovely guy and had a lovely time.But however lovely it was, he’s just not doing it for you. The problem is, you’ve committed to another date.How can you cancel a date with the nice one, without coming across as a complete arsehole?In this episode of The Date with Confidence Podcast, I’m sharing the exact message I send to the lovely men who just aren’t for me. Learn the one thing you need to remember when rejecting someone and steal my script for the next time you need to cancel on someone.Here are the key topics covered:1. Great First Date: Hear about the lovely first date I had with a genuinely nice guy at the start of the year.2. Change of Heart: Learn why I had to cancel the second date we had planned and how ultimately, this lead to me deciding not to see him again.3. Feeling the Guilt: I share why I’ve always felt guilty about cancelling plans in the past and how him paying for the date made me feel like I owed him a second one (even though he wasn’t that type of guy). 4. The Honesty Approach: Discover the honest and respectful approach I take when it comes to cancelling dates or rejecting someone I’m just not into.5. Respectful Closure: It's crucial to remember that you don't owe anyone anything. Understand that it's okay to change your mind.6. Positive Responses: I’m revealing how the men I’ve sent this message to have responded when I’ve politely and respectfully said I’m just not into them.Ultimately, we all date with the goal of finding a genuine connection, and sometimes it just doesn't happen. It's better to be honest early on than to force something that isn't there. So, if you ever find yourself needing to cancel a date with the "nice one," use an upfront and respectful approach – it works! Feel free to use my script if it helps.You’ll find the full script on the episode page here.Get Involved!You can contribute your stories to the Date with Confidence Podcast here. Share your best or worst dating stories, your biggest icks, dating tips you think everyone should know or ask me anything about my dating life or a burning question you need an answer for.  ResourcesThe Breakup Bounce BackAttract on the AppsThe Confidence KitThe Confidence CourseGet weekly-ish updates, exclusive offers and access behind the scenes gossip when you become a podcast insider.Visit The Date with Confidence website here.Follow The Date with Confidence Podcast on Instagram + follow your host Rebecca Hawkes here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

that there is a level of guilt surrounding my decisions when I want to cancel things. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been. With practical episodes that'll provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date alongside light-hearted catch-ups where your host rebecca that's me by the way shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life you are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come and if it all falls to shit there's a special first season dedicated to breakups you are welcome my friend subscribe review and share with your

single friends i had to cancel a date with the nice one so back at the start of the year i had been on a really nice date with a lovely guy he'd taken me to a museum where we like it was like a really cool museum so loads of like optical illusions and like art installations and it was it was quite an interactive place and I really liked it we had a really nice time went there went for dinner had fun conversation was good and then we like organized a second date but then I think I had a migraine so I cancelled and then it really felt like there'd been too much of a gap to like to meet up again like you know when it just goes for so long we hadn't really been staying in touch and I was like oh this is kind of a sign like we were both busy um so it just didn't happen so in the end I was like you know what

I just need to need to cancel this second date rather than keep us both like up in the air let's just cancel it and move on so in the end I sent a message and just I started by kind of apologizing for going quiet for a few days and then I said I've been reflecting on our day and whilst I had a great time with you there isn't a strong enough connection on my side I don't want to mislead you or waste our time so I think it's best if we don't meet for a second date all the best for the future though and I think that was a really nice way to end things because we had had a really good time I wanted to be respectful he hadn't done anything wrong but they're just there wasn't anything there I mean it was obvious that the connection wasn't strong enough because I hadn't been prioritizing seeing him as I said I'd been ill and then we'd both been busy and it just didn't happen and I

think that that's a nice way to cancel things because let me say I struggle that there is a level of guilt surrounding my decisions when I want to cancel things if I've committed to another date I feel like I can't back out of that or I did feel like I couldn't back out of that because I have committed to something I've organized something I've said yes to a second date or a third date or a fourth date however many dates there's a certain level of guilt that I get when I then change my mind it's almost like but you've committed to seeing them you can't let them down it makes me feel like a bad person on this particular occasion he paid for the whole date as well and I wasn't expecting it but it was a very nice surprise and because he paid for the whole, it made me feel worse about cancelling

it. Because about cancelling the second date, because I felt like I owed him something. I felt like I owed him this second date because he'd chosen to pay for the first date. And I sat with that for a while and realised that I can't, one, I don't owe anyone anything. It was his decision to pay. That doesn't mean I owe him a thing, regardless of whether he might have thought that, which I don't think he did anyway, because he was a really nice guy. I don't think, I don't get the impression that that's something that he would ever consider. But whatever anyone else thinks, I don't owe anyone anything we'd been on a nice date he'd paid I'd said yes for a second date because I enjoyed his company and I thought it was going to be a good idea to get to know him but then I as I said I changed my mind and it's

okay to change your mind it's okay to change your mind and decide actually I don't think I do want to go on that second date and when you do that as long as you're honest and you're open and you don't just ghost them I think that's absolutely fine there are ways that you can say things like I feel like my message is very polite and very respectful and I've used it I just copy and paste it now it's great so feel free to copy and paste it if you want as well but it's honest it's upfront it's not full of fluff I don't need to over explain myself it is what it is I don't feel like there's a connection so I'm not going to waste our time like I'm doing you a favor mate what's the point in us keep dating if that if there's not gonna be anything, if I already know, so I sent that, I also, I've sent that message, um,

multiple times, um, and around the same time as I cancelled this second date, I also cancelled a third date with another guy, because the same, like, I felt the same way, had been hadn't even been that long since I'd seen him it'd only been like a few days or a week or so after I'd seen him for our second date but he'd given me the ick on well probably the first day if I'm perfectly honest but by the second date I was absolutely no this is not for me in any way. And I, as I said, I think it's really important to be honest and upfront about your feelings as early as possible. If we'd been on maybe three or four or five dates, then I'd probably have worded things a bit differently. I'd probably have gone into a lot more detail or explained a bit more because I think then maybe they

deserve more of an explanation, but it was still still early days so short and to the point was definitely the way to go and I heard back from both guys and they were genuinely nice about it which is always appreciated and I think that when you're respectful in your message to say to like let someone down then the response you're going to receive back is going to be respectful as well. Like that's so much better than ghosting. Can you imagine if I just stopped talking to the guys? That would be really rude on my part. At the end of the day, we're all dating for the same ultimate goal. That goal is to meet someone we have a genuine connection with that we want to explore. Whether that's a connection that we want to explore for a month, for two months, for 10 months or for 10 years, that's the goal.

And you can't force a connection. So it's better for everybody involved, myself, yourself, their self, to just be as honest as early as possible. So that's how you, that's essentially, like it doesn't need to be more than that, does it? That's how you cancel a date with a nice one. are up front with them you tell them respectfully and yeah if you want to copy my script go ahead and do it i won't be offended you can contribute your stories to the date with confidence podcast by heading to datewithconfidencepodcast.com contribute share your best or worst dating stories, share your scripts for how you let people down, tell me about your ics, dating tips that you think everyone should know, or ask me about anything about my date, or ask me anything about my dating

life, or a burning question that you need an answer for, and don't forget to check the show notes for resources and courses to help you date with confidence, thanks so much for listening, I'll see you in the next one. so much for listening to the date with confidence podcast I hope you've enjoyed this episode subscribe rate and review and share it with your single friends Thank you.