The Date with Confidence Podcast - How to Quit Dating Someone You're Just Not Into

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

EPISODE 67: How to Quit Dating Someone You’re Just Not IntoHe didn’t make the bed so I ended it (but there’s more to this story….).What started as a promising connection took a turn on date seven, when the effort (or lack of it) just didn’t match up. It took around 3 seconds for me to be fully checked out and this time I ended things immediately. That’s growth for ya…In this episode of The Date with Confidence Podcast, I’m sharing how to stop dating someone when you know it’s just not it, even if they’re “nice.” I talk about the guilt that can creep in when someone seems great on paper, the fear of letting a good one go, and why it’s actually kinder to end it sooner rather than later. Plus, I’m introducing a fresh new format to the podcast (exciting!) — with updates from my own dating life, your dilemmas, and juicy mindset shifts to help you date with confidence.The vibe of this episode:1. Why it's okay to walk away from someone even if nothing’s “wrong”2. The shame we feel when we ignore our gut and stay too long3. How to end things kindly without overexplaining or apologising4. Why texting is totally acceptable in early dating breakups5.  The exact message I sent when I realised he wasn’t the one6. The realisations that came flooding within minutes of me getting the ick7. What I’m doing next as I start dating againIf you’ve ever wondered whether you're being “too picky” or you’ve struggled to end things without overexplaining, this is the pep talk you need.Mentioned:Blindsided By Red Flags After Healing? How to Remove the ShameYour Dream Relationship Exists: Here’s How to Believe In ItWe Know My Opinion On Shorts…Manifest The One🎥 Watch the episode on YouTubeGet Involved!You can contribute your stories to the Date with Confidence Podcast here. Share your best or worst dating stories, your biggest icks, dating tips you think everyone should know or ask me anything about my dating life or a burning question you need an answer for.  Support The Date with Confidence PodcastIf you'd like to show your support for the podcast, you can do so in these ways:1) Share the podcast with your friends2) Leave me a review on iTunes stating what you love most about the podcast so more people can find it3) Buy me a coffee to express your gratitude for the episodes if you found them helpful, inspiring or entertainingVisit The Date with Confidence website here. Follow your host Rebecca Hawkes on Instagram. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Okay, welcome back to the Dates with Confidence podcast and we have got a whole new format of this podcast and I'm really excited to share it with you because I've been thinking about how I can improve things, how I can make things better. We're on episode what like 66 now. I wanted to make a couple of little upgrades just to improve the pod for you and to just try out a new style if you like. I just I wanted to experiment. We know that I have ADHD, we know I get bored easily, we know that I like to try new things so this is the first of many episodes in this new format. I'm gonna briefly share what the format is and then we're just gonna dive

into it. So the main part of the episode is gonna be exactly what was titled, so how to quit dating someone you're just not into. We are going to talk about the how, the actual strategy, the mindset stuff, that's what the main parts of the episodes are gonna be, maybe not in this entire episode, but although actually no, no we are, we're doing mindset strategy in the whole thing. We're gonna to talk about that in depth that is really going to be kind of your more intentional content in terms of helping you actually date with confidence and then we're gonna have our happy hour which is gonna be about me and my current dating situation and

we've got a couple of new little slots for that section so for the happy hour section we've got three things that we are gonna start covering every single episode. I'm really excited about this and when I've spoken to a few friends about this I have said to them this is what I'm thinking of doing I'm really excited I love this idea I feel like this is going to help me connect with people more I feel like it means that I get that balance between making sure that there is like value in the podcast but also I get to actually be myself and just chat shit with you and give you an actual update on my own day in experiences and I like what I've come up with, not gonna lie, I'm excited, I cannot wait and the people that I've

spoken to about this in advance have been like oh my fucking god that is a brilliant idea so I want to hear your feedback if you are listening on Spotify then vote in the poll there if you are watching on YouTube oh my god yes we're doing YouTube videos again if you're watching on YouTube leave me a comment if you're anywhere else come over to the your confidence 30s Instagram because that's where I'm most active at the moment if you message on the date of confidence one probably not gonna see it so come and message me at your confidence 30s on yeah on Instagram just to let me know how you are finding this whether you like this new format and make sure you start getting involved in these episodes because part three of

the podcast episode is all about your dating dilemmas. Now for this to work I need you to send them in so we've had some amazing ones in the past but we need some new ones so I want to hear from you every week and then that will be your little advice corner where I share my own thoughts, answer your questions, help you with your dating dilemmas. I'm excited it's gonna be amazing so with that being said, let's get into the actual main part of this episode, how to quit dating someone you are just not that into. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice,

support and stories that will either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been. With practical episodes that will provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date. Alongside light-hearted catch-ups where your host Rebecca, that's me by the way, shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life. You are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles, empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come. And if it all falls to shit, there's a special first season dedicated to breakups. You are welcome my friend. Subscribe, review and share with your single friends.

And before, like before we actually talk about how to end things I Just want to reassure you like it's okay for you to realize that you're not letting someone it is absolutely okay for you to have gone on a string of dates with someone and then you to hit a point where you're like Oh Actually, they're not for me and it could be that they have done something that has instantly put you off which Spoiler alert. I'm gonna update you on my own current dating situation shortly that they have done something that has instantly put you off which, spoiler alert, I'm gonna update you on my own current dating situation shortly, it could be that they've done something really specific that you're just like yeah no

not for me, could be a massive thing, could be a massive red flag, could be something that is really subtle but you just know that it doesn't align with you or you could just reach a point where you're like okay we've had some fun dates but I'm just not feeling it the chemistry is not there there's no attraction if I never saw this person again for the rest of my life or wouldn't give a fuck so it is okay to realize that and I think so many of us and myself included have had these moments where we have been dating someone really nice person get on well dates have been good but you really nice person, get on well, dates have been

good but you just know that it's just not your person and then you feel guilty because there's nothing wrong with them right, you have this sense of guilt of like oh but they are a good person so maybe I should just see how it goes because I don't want to get rid of a good one and then end up just dating dicks for the rest of the year because that also happens there's this very much fear of like once I found a decent one is there gonna be another decent one are they like is this just the unicorn that's only gonna exist and everyone else I date afterward is gonna be a complete prick I've had those feelings but I want you to know that it's nothing to feel

guilty about and I want you to know that your dream person does exist so it is okay to let someone go when they are not right for you because also when I think about this what happens if you continue to date them right let's say you continue dating them because they're a nice person but then a few years down the line you're then trapped in an unhappy relationship with someone who's nice but someone who doesn't fulfil your needs, doesn't make you feel good, you don't feel attracted to that's miserable for you and imagine, this is what really helped me imagine finding out that you were in a relationship with someone

and they weren't that into you but they just carried on dating you because they felt guilty about ending it? Would you really want to be with someone that has just stayed in the relationship because they don't have the balls to end it? I want to be with someone that wants to be with me, not someone that has settled for me because they're too afraid to end it or because they're worried that that I'm just the nicest person they meet which I don't think that's gonna be the case but it is better for everyone else involved for you to cancel things and the sooner you do it the better as soon as you know they are not for you, end it, get out, move on. Because otherwise, and this happened to me last year, otherwise you will continue dating them with that in

the back of your mind of oh I don't think they're for me, there's something wrong, this isn't gonna be great, and you'll continue dating them because you think they're nice and then they're gonna reveal their true colors to you at some stage anyway and then you're racked with the shame of not noticing any of the red flags or continuing to date them even when you weren't that sure. If you listen to the last episode you'll know that I talked about the shame of like being blindsided by red flags. Actually I don't think it was the last episode, I think it was the one before that

but the whole being blindsided by red flags, I talked about that there and I wish there was a moment where I. I talked about that there and I wish there was one there was a moment where I sat in his front room and I looked around and I was just like this would be my life. Like this would this would be my life. And I was like it's really fucking boring and it's just not for me. But then I continued dying for a few more weeks because I was like oh but up until this point he's been nice and then yeah it was just like nah ended up with all the shame and shit that comes with having not listened to myself in the first place so it is better for everyone involved to cancel things ASAP. Now to actually end things with someone, I used to think that doing

it in person was the best thing. If you listen back, I think it was the second ever episode of this podcast, How to Break Up with Someone in the Kindest Way. I talked in there about meeting them face-to-face, ending things in maybe an open space, and I stand by that when it's a long-term relationship. My five-year relationship was ended over FaceTime on Facebook Messenger, do not recommend zero-hour-ten. When it is a long-term relationship, they deserve the respect of you doing it face to face. However, when you've only been dating them for a few weeks, maybe even a couple

of months, when you when you've not passed the point of intimacy, when you haven't been staying with them regularly, when it hasn't started to look like a relationship, I believe that sending a text message is absolutely fine and that is because it gives them time to process things themselves and I think about this in terms of myself if someone's gonna end things with me would I want them to plan another date, me get to the date and then go I'm just not into you I don't want to see you? No it would be it would be awkward as fuck it would be uncomfortable it would put me on the spot would not like it

whereas if someone just had the balls to text me and say things have been great but you're not my person, fine, move on. I can process in my own time, they don't have to have the whole nerves leading up to the confrontation kind of thing, not that it needs to be a confrontation, but I just think sending a message is absolutely fine and especially when you make sure that kindness is at the front of that message. You don't need to message them and say I'm not attracted to you or I don't fancy you or you didn't do this therefore I'm going to end things like no you don't need to do any of that you can literally just message them and say I've been reflecting on the experience so far and whilst I've enjoyed getting to know you I feel like this isn't right for me I

don't want to waste your time I don't want to waste my time and what is it? Do you know what I'm actually gonna I'm actually gonna tell you what I said when I did this recently I I draft out my messages in the notes app so that I don't send something I'm not certain about because I think it's really important for me. I want to get my thoughts down in a cohesive way and one of the things I don't believe in you doing when you are ending things is over explaining. You don't need to over explain your reasons for ending things, you don't need to justify your reasons for ending things, you don't need to make excuses or just go into too much detail, like what is the fucking point?

You don't need to apologize for ending things and this is something that I've had to work on so much over the last few years. I'm not gonna apologize for the way that I feel, I'm not gonna apologize for the fact that I don't want to date you anymore because it is not something that I should be apologizing for, it's what the dating experience is. I don't need to say I'm sorry that I'm not into you, no you're not sorry it's just how you feel. So I say something along the lines of this, I'm not gonna read it word-for-word because it's a little bit personal, but I say something like I've been reflecting on our dates

and whilst I've enjoyed my time getting to know you I don't feel like the connection is strong enough on my end to continue pursuing something. Done explains it and then when I've had a good experience with that person you're a genuinely lovely person I've appreciated the time we spent together but I don't want to waste your time or mine when I know in my gut that this isn't right for me. I hope you find your person and have what you deserve in the future. I think also people can't argue with your gut, like with your gut instinct. How can someone then come back and be like no you're

wrong like no my fucking gut instinct is right. The end. And also I feel like the people that I'm dating now anyway just wouldn't be a dick about it like they just wouldn't I I listen to something so funny on TikTok yesterday my friend sent it to me she sent me this it was like this voice note from this man whose ego was so fucking bruised because a woman had said she's not into it and it was like this two and a half minute voice note of him telling her how in demand he was and how he had so many other matches and how it was a her problem and not a him problem and it was just absolutely insane and I'm just like imagine doing that, imagine someone messaging you and I don't even think they'd been on a date I'm not even sure at this point I'm pretty sure at this

point they hadn't even been on a date this was just a matching bumble and she'd said I think he'd just been answering with like one word answers to her questions and she was just like this isn't gonna it's not gonna work for me so he yes and back this like ran and it's just like tell me that your ego is bruised without telling me your ego is bruised like oh what the actual fuck but I don't date people like that so it's not gonna be an issue so yeah before I send the message though I think this is key if you want to end things with someone that you're just not into hype yourself up this is so important

so I literally I had a shower I made myself feel good I put on my playlist because I was like part of me was like it feels shit having to end things with people especially when they're genuinely nice when they've been a prick not such a problem but when they are genuinely nice people you don't want to hurt their feelings even though you know that it's right you don't want to hurt their feelings so in my head I'm just like I need to get myself into that confident, I trust myself, this is the right decision energy. So I do that with my playlist, had a shower, I got myself ready and I also remind myself of the

reasons that I'm ending things and of what's important to me. I go back to my standards list, I have a look at what I desire from a relationship, remind myself that it's not what this person's bringing to the table and then I feel so much better and also it's important that you remember that you are worthy and deserving of the relationship that you desire and you don't need to settle because your dream relationship is out there and if you feel like you're struggling to believe that your dream relationship is out there I will link to one of the past episodes that we did on What is it your dream relationship exists? Here's how to believe in it such a good episode

So many of you loved it So I will link that for you so you can go back and listen to that then take some deep breaths Draft it in your notes. You've got yourself to that confident place deep breaths draft in your notes what you want to say and make sure you do analyze it because that what I just shared with you, that wasn't my first draft, I wrote it a couple of times to make sure that I was clear on what I wanted to say, didn't justify, didn't overthink, didn't over explain myself and didn't apologize, do not fucking apologize for ending things, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Apology, when you apologize it's almost like you've done something

wrong so it's wrong for you to be ending things. No it's not, you know they're not for you. You don't need to apologize right? So do those things, get feedback if you need it. You can ask your friends but honestly sometimes I just feel like that's so much more overwhelming because I've got a few different groups of friends so if I want advice on something I'll message a few different people but then I end up with so many different responses that I'm like wait what the fuck like how do I now make a decision for myself so sometimes it's worth it sometimes it's not if you need a place to come for feedback then of course the

confident AF membership is there for you that is exactly the sort of thing you can drop into the chat, you can say to me I'm gonna end things with someone, how can I word it, let's do this together, come in there, I'll leave the link in the show notes for you to check out and then once you have got your draft, copied and pasted it into WhatsApp or message, whatever you use, once you've sent it, go and do something for yourself so that you're not sat by your phone thinking oh my god what are WhatsApp or message, whatever you use, once you've sent it, go and do something for yourself so that you're not sat by your phone thinking, oh my god what are they gonna say? Because there's nothing worse than being brave and sending a message like that to then sit there

and agonise over it for hours about whether have they read it, are they gonna respond, what are they gonna say, oh look they've blocked me. Like there is nothing more stressful than that so just do it, send it, you've done your thing, you've been kind about it, now it's time to move on. Let's be honest, settling isn't good for you and it is definitely not good for them so however uncomfortable it makes you feel, you have just got to be honest with them in the kindest way without apologizing and it's better than ghosting. Like if you've been on a few dates with them they don't deserve being ghosted so don't do that. Say it with kindness then move the fuck on.

Okay so now we have reached the happy hour part of the show so every episode I'm gonna be sharing my current drink of choice with you, I'm gonna have a little drink, have a little chat, update you on my current dating situation and this is our little gossip time right? This is our happy hour, this is our we're sat at a bar together and filling you in on what's going on and in this episode to start things off I've literally got the most basic drink it's so basic. It is Aldi's Peach and Passionfruit flavored spring water and it might be basic but it feels good at the moment so... did that make a fist? Absolutely not. So I'm gonna

have some of this and I'm gonna have it in my bougie little wine glass because I like to drink out wine glasses. I'm very much a... I don't know I think I've talked about this in the Confidence show I like to drink out of fancy drinkware because it makes me feel good about myself when I'm actually drinking out of glasses that I enjoy it makes me feel like a really good version of myself these are kind of the standards that I have for myself I like to drink out of fancy glasses if you've ever met me in real life Or if you knew me like 10 years ago You'll know that I used to take a wine glass to the bar with me

Because where I lived wouldn't have wine glasses So I would take my own and be like can I have in this one or like as standard? Drinks would get poured into plastic cups and I'd always be like no no no no no I'll have a wine glass or I will have specific glasses and I'm still the same now I went out to London with a friend a few weeks ago and I ordered a soft drink I can't remember what drink I ordered but I ordered a soft drink and I was like can I have it in a wine glass please because they're my favorite so cheers to our first happy hour together. That's

probably the only sip that I'm actually gonna have. Right update on my current dating situation so I can't remember where we were last at with my dating situation but I started dating someone in April. We made it to date 7 and that is where things went wrong. So we'd had some nice dates, we had been to the cinema a couple of times, we'd been on a few like park walk, picnic style things, we'd gone to Richmond Park, we'd had some really lovely dates, he was a genuinely good guy, really friendly, really good to talk with, good conversation, interested in getting to know me, respect my boundaries, great.

But we got to date seven and he was like You can just, we were talking about what to do and he said why don't you come around to my area again? Which is where I've been the previous weekend and to be honest like that whole week. I hadn't been well before I'd seen him I'd had like a migraine for four out of the six days and I wasn't feeling that great but he'd said why don't we do something in my ends which is fine however we'd spent a lot of time me traveling which I hadn't even considered at this point I didn't consider this because things had been going quite well so you know things that you don't actually recognize until

something goes wrong so I'm like fine yeah we'll do that I'll come to yours not ready for sex yet so let's get that off the table immediately I do like to put that out there when I'm not feeling it because I don't want to give someone the wrong expectation and although this has happened in the past where I've gone to someone's place and I've been like I'm not into sex like in my 20s they've always tried to make it about sex and I was just like very upfront like this is not I'm not here like I'm not not for that so as long as you're fine with that then yeah I'll

come to you also. Go to his and bear in mind I spend two hours getting ready in the morning I am someone who likes to make an effort with what I wear when I go out, when I go on dates. I had done my hair, done my makeup, freshly tanned, had a new top on, nice skirt. My red skirt from, if you've seen any of the branding photos on the Your Confident 30s website, you'd have seen. Actually it's in the artwork for the podcast. My red kind of animal print skirt, one of my favourite items of clothing I've ever owned. So I looked really nice, sandals, dressed

up and I've made a lot of effort, spent two hours getting ready. Then is a 90 minute train ride, 90 minute bus, then train ride, two trains, bus, two trains to get to his. Which is fine, I've done it, but it's long. So I get there and he's like very casual and I'm just like okay we know my opinion on casual shorts because if you listen to I think it's episode 13 of the podcast we know how I feel about casual shorts but I thought well we're just gonna go hang out at his then we're gonna go for dinner later, fine. And then we go for a little walk, get back to his, I walk into his flat and he hasn't made the bed and I don't mean he's just like left it a bit messy, I mean the duvet's like screwed up in a ball in the middle

of the bed as if he's literally just rolled out of it. Now when I messaged my friends about this I was on the train and I was just like this is a like this is a problem for me. Am I right to be pissed off about this? Tell me what you think. So initially they came back and they were like, a few of them were a bit like you're blowing this out of proportion, he's just a man, he just hasn't thought about it, this is something that can be kind of trained into him. And then I was like, oh actually I didn't mention that it was a studio flat so it's not like I'd gone to his house, snooped around his bedroom, his bed had been

unmade but it's okay because we were sat downstairs watching something on the sofa. The bed was unmade and he knew that we were gonna sit on there and when I said to him I was like oh I thought you would have made the bed or I think I said oh you could have made the bed, kind of trying to laugh it off but also like pissed off. He was just like yeah but we're gonna sit on it and I was like, yeah exactly. And then he was just like, oh I could have, would you rather I have made the bed than clean the sink? And I'm just like, but why, why is that, why is it an either or? It would have taken you 15 seconds to throw the duvet up in the air and let it lay flat on the bed, like what the fuck are we talking about? So honestly from that moment I walked in and then I was just like I have

made so much effort to look nice and to get myself to your flat and you couldn't even be bothered to bed and I instantly checked out in that second in the second I walked in and saw it I was like, no, we're... this is not for me. Because then it just made me feel like you clearly have no respect for the amount of effort that I put in, you clearly aren't that bothered about making the space feel comfortable for me or putting in the effort when I've... like I've literally put in so much, so much effort to just come and see you and you couldn't even bother to make the fucking bed so that was that was the thing that did it and then after that after being pissed off about the bed not

being made then I just noticed a ton of things that hadn't even crossed my mind before like we went for dinner I could hear him eating, he asked to split the bill and again when I reflected back afterwards I was like we've been splitting all the dates since day two but I've been paying for travel for the last, well for every single day I've been paying what 13 quid a time at least to travel to get here and I've been putting in all that effort to travel including like when I went out I spent six hours more than six hours just sat on a train to see him twice in that week and I was just like no this isn't it like great guy really lovely guy really good person

my future husband puts in the same amount of effort that I do. I'm not... yeah it is just... it was just really disappointing to be honest but then it's just one of those things isn't it? You don't know these things until you start dating and what I'm really pleased that this situation has taught me a few different things. So he was the first guy I think ever in my life that actually respected my boundaries which it's pretty fucking sad getting to 34 and having no one respect your boundaries till then but respected my boundaries, genuinely lovely guy, great. That taught

me a lot because it shows me that there are these decent men out there on the apps and also I ended things immediately. Past me, even last year, well no actually past me ended things last year, the second there was the biggest red flag that could never come back from and that was when he made like racist and homophobic comments and I was just like you are definitely not my person, our values are not aligned in any way shape or form, you thinking that that is okay, I ended it immediately then but there were things that I'd kind of let slide until that point, whereas this time, this happened, I was really

disappointed, I was kind of upset to be honest, I was really disappointed, I was upset, I was pissed off and I was just like this is not how I deserve to be treated, it might seem like a tiny little thing for some people but you making the effort when I've made all that effort for you it's just not... yeah I was pretty upset. But the fact that I ended things so fast and I was able to hear it in my gut instantly so as soon as my gut was like no we're out I was able to able to call it quits. I literally messaged him two days later. The only reason I didn't do it the next day is because I had so much going on in terms of work and then in terms of family life that day. There just wasn't a moment

for me to sit down and craft a cohesive thought that was kind and made sense. So yeah, two days later I messaged him and I was just like What I shared with you earlier. This is not it for me. And I think I had so many like so many more expectations for someone Especially being older like he was 41, divorced. I was like right. So you obviously know how to behave in a relationship, I guess although we're not in a relationship, but it's one of those things where I've dated people before who have never been in a relationship I guess although we're not in a relationship but it's one of those things where I've dated people before who have never been in a relationship and I don't want to be the person that teaches someone how to be in a relationship. I like I don't know want someone that's experienced I want

someone that knows what it's like to be in a relationship I don't want to teach someone to be like oh this is how you need to treat me I don't want to don't want to do that so I had really high expectations we had a lot of the same values a lot of the same thoughts on things but this I don't know yeah it was just kind of just really disappointing based on how we'd connected up until that point but then also maybe the fact that we weren't like there wasn't that chemistry there either maybe that would have been the thing that had happened if it wasn't for the fact that the bed was unmade, like I didn't feel the chemistry there and I think in my

head I'm just like oh but of course the chemistry is not gonna be there because you're meeting on an app is very different to when I used to meet men in pubs or bars or out anywhere, pretty much like when I lived in a world like literally meeting someone anywhere that wouldn't matter. It was very different then because you have that chemistry in person, you meet them, you've got that almost like sexual attraction or you know that someone's fit or you can smell them or whatever it is like you've got that chemistry straight away when you meet in person whereas when you're on the apps obviously you can't see that, you only see photos and let's be honest

like men don't take the best photos do they, right? Like they're just not that good at taking decent photos for their apps so I don't know, you can't really tell and in my head yeah I kind of convinced myself that oh you of course you're not gonna have chemistry because you're just meeting on an app but actually I'm changing that for myself. Of course I can get chemistry from someone that I meet from an app and of course there can be good chemistry from someone I meet on an app. That is the mindset shift that I'm gonna take myself through right now because I want to believe that I get to have the chemistry and I get to date really good men as well. So a bit disappointing. But some lessons, some good experiences got

me back into my dating era again after another, I think I'd taken like a year's break again. So it'd been a year since the other guy and what with grandad being ill and then him dying and then Nan dying like I just wasn't in the mood to entertain dating at all but I'm back in back in my dating era so now what I'm gonna do is go back through my standards process and I actually recorded a 10-day course called Manifest The One where I go through all my standards process everything I do when it comes to actually creating my dating standards. I'm gonna take myself back through there and get clear again on what I want and what I don't want because this experience, every single experience I

have when it comes to dating, highlights something new. So it either highlights something else that I want from a relationship or it highlights something that I don't want that I didn't previously know I didn't want. So I'm gonna go back through that process, get really really clear and then I'm gonna update my dating profile based on these new standards and I'm actually gonna do that with you in the next episode so make sure that you're subscribed and whilst you are making sure that you're subscribed please take 10 seconds just to rate the podcast either on Spotify or if you're on iTunes please leave me a review. It would be

Really nice of you. It'd be really nice to hear feedback, please and thank you. So yeah in the next one I'm actually gonna take you through updating my entire profile and talk about how to actually Write a decent dating profile how when to update it and what not to include and then we'll reroute mine together. So that is my current dating situation update. Now it is time for a brand new feature called Hinge Cringe. So Hinge is the only dating app I am actively using right now. So for this section of the show I'm sharing the Hinge Cringe of the week. This could be a profile or prompt response or something that they have

sent to me directly in response to one of my prompts and this week's winner goes to... could you add your own role please? I don't think I've told you this one yet actually. I had someone comment on my dating profile where I've got literally got I cannot tell you how many screenshots I have got from cringy shit that's been said to me on here so I had one guy message he said this is weird but I think there's an account using your photos on Instagram. Now this person was not my type in any way shape or form, I would never have swiped right on them because they were just not it, like they're yeah they just not wet my

person at all. But I was just like oh for fuck's sake, like obviously I've got my business, obviously I'm a public figure on my social media channels and stuff and I don't want someone, some random person on Instagram using my photos So I messaged back and was like oh, that's annoying What's the account name and the response like it makes me cringe so much saying it out loud It's NASA because you're an absolute rocket Like I'm sorry, what the fuck? What the fuck?

Where did they get this shit from? And also, how many people have you actually said that? You've obviously just copied and pasted that to so many people. Has that actually worked on anyone? And in my head I was just like, if this was someone I really fancied, if he was fucking hot and I liked his profile and I read that from him would it be just as cringey? And honestly absolutely would. If he was my type and he sent me that I'd be like are you fucking joking? That's your opening message what you talking about. So yeah that is 100% the

Hinge Cringe of the Week. I want to hear your Hinge Cringes so make sure you go to datewithconfidencepodcast.com slash contribute and you can share with me your very own Hinge Cringe because this shit's funny right? I mean yeah it's just funny. So after the cringe comes the cleanse. This is Swipe Right Spotlight, where we highlight a little glimmer of hope in the dating world, whether it's a profile that actually made me smile, a message that restored my faith in humanity, or a moment that reminded me whilst I'm still in this dating era. So this week's one, this has actually played on my mind so much since I first read it. I didn't swipe right on him but I really liked this prompt in the person's profile

and it was one of those where it was, I thought I recently had in the shower and the response was, I mean I think it's a waste of a prompt but I liked it anyway, a bus brackets two seats aisle two seats fits in the same lane as a car seat, handbrake seat. And I know this sounds ridiculous but this has played around in my, like this has played over in my mind so much afterwards and now every time I'm in the car I look at the lanes that people are driving in and I'm like but how is the bus fit in the same space as the car? It is so ridiculous. But it was nice to actually see a prompt that stayed in my mind and that's... Maybe this was a terrible first swipe right spotlight.

I liked it. I liked it enough to screenshot it and I liked it enough to think about things for the past. This was February I screenshot this, we're now in June. Oh how funny. So yeah that was that was the first one and again I want to hear your Swipe Right spotlights send me something lovely in the contribute form and the link is in the show notes. So now we've got me out of the way, we've talked about our Hinge Cringes, we've talked about the Swipe Bright Spotlight and it's finally time for your dating dilemma. So instead of saving up your

questions and having one community episode where I just put everything in together, I'm gonna start adding your dilemmas to the end of every episode because I just think this will be a good change. It's is it's just a nice format to follow right so this week's date and dilemma comes from reddit because I don't have any new contributions for the podcast so I've got this one which I feel like we know about this situation we've all found ourselves in this situation and I have a lot of feelings about this. An old flame I dated last year came back and apologized for how things ended

I asked about his intentions He admitted he's into me But asked to have a proper conversation at a later time because he was preoccupied and didn't want to rush it How long do I wait for him to reach out? Honestly, I like I just don't think that you should be waiting for him to reach out like Draw it draw a line under the sand, that's it, done. He was an old flame you dated like last year sometime. It's good that he has apologized for how things ended but I feel like so many men do this where they behave like a dick and then they

come back and then they keep coming back and then they keep coming back. Like why? You had your chance, you behaved like a dick, you I mean and we know he must have behaved like a dick because he apologized for how things ended. So why are you giving him a chance? He's into you, great, good for him, he had a chance to get to know you. So what? He had a chance, he blew it, he walked away. You deserve better than that. You don't need to wait for him to reach out and chat with you, you don't need to wait for him to reach out and explain more or have a proper conversation about why he ended things. Granted if you have feelings for him and things were

going well, I understand how tempting it can be to hold on for that person but having been the person who has repeatedly allowed someone to come back into their life and to do the whole I'm sorry I didn't mean it all that bullshit it is you just deserve so much better than that you deserve someone who knows that they want you and who chooses you the first time if he has come back around now, why is that? Is it because he hasn't met anyone better since then? That's his loss. Why wait around to see when he's going to reach out to you? Honestly he's probably just said that he wants to

reach out at a later date when he's not preoccupied because it was an easy get out for him. It was easy for him to get out and be like oh hang on I'm busy at the moment so let me come back around another time. Like no, he had his chance with you, he chose to ghost you, he chose to walk away, let the dead sleep, he's disappeared, he's gone, he's done, you deserve so much better than that and this is a problem I feel like so many of us have, like when you continue to chase or allow these people into your lives, you are repeatedly saying to the universe and to yourself that that is what you deserve. But in

instances like this, your self-respect has to be higher than your emotions. I get that you liked him, I get that you had a good than your emotions. I get that you liked him, I get that you had a good time with him, I get that you enjoyed that time, but you have to respect yourself more than he is respecting you. If he's come back it's great that maybe he's reflected on the fact that he was a dick and he's apologized. Brilliant, you got an apology. See that as your closure, move the fuck on to someone who actually deserves to be with you and who you actually deserve to be with because you sure as shit don't deserve behaviour

like this. Especially when you're in your 30s and the type of people that you're dating should know that by now. I feel like that was quite intense. But I want to know from you, did you enjoy this new format of the podcast? Tell me somewhere. DM me on Instagram. Leave a comment on YouTube. Email me hello at Rebecca Lucy H.com because we haven't got a podcast only email address yet. Do that contribute to the Date with Confidence podcast or fill out the Date with Confidence

podcast contribute form which is literally datewithconfidencepodcast.com slash contribute. Share your thoughts and feelings with me. I want to hear, rate the podcast, review the podcast. I've got really big plans for this show and I am really hoping that this new format is something that you are just as excited about and that you enjoy it just as much. Never forget that you are worthy and deserving of the relationship that you desire and if you desire it, it is destined for you. Don't forget in the next episode we are going to be rewriting my dating profile together. How exciting! I will speak to you soon. Lots of love. Bye! Thanks so much for listening

to the Date with Confidence podcast. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Subscribe, rate and review and share it with your single friends. Thanks for watching!