The Date with Confidence Podcast - I Tried Bumble Speed Dating Twice: Here's What Happened

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

EPISODE 21: I Tried Bumble Speed Dating Twice: Here's What HappenedI decided to give Bumble Speed Dating a shot, not just once, but twice. I’d heard good things about it from a few people so thought I’d have a go myself. What’s the harm, eh?In this episode of The Date with Confidence Podcast, I’m sharing what happened during my experience and why I swiftly backed out the first time. Here are the key topics covered:1. Discovering Bumble Speed Dating: I've always wanted to try speed dating in real life, but finding a friend to join me proved trickier than I thought so when a friend introduced me to Bumble Speed Dating, I signed up on a Sunday night, looking to bounce back into the dating scene after a recent rejection.2. Expectations vs. Reality: I’m revealing all about my intentions for the speed dating; my initial expectations were high, why I was hoping for a confidence boost and how I was using it as a reminder of the abundance of potential matches. Unfortunately, the reality turned out quite different.3. Handling Rejection: The rejection factor hit hard, especially during a vulnerable period. I share insights on handling rejection and the importance of not internalising it.4. The Setup of Bumble Speed Dating: I’m filling you in on how Bumble Speed Dating works so if you wanna give it a try yourself, you know what to expect.5. The Power of Mindset: The second time around was different. I entered with a better mindset, I engaged in more meaningful conversations and learned the importance of being true to my dating preferences.6. Real-Life vs. Virtual Dating: While Bumble Speed Dating didn't quite hit the mark for me, I still hold out hope for trying the real-life version, where chemistry is more tangible.Join me in this episode as I navigate the highs and lows of virtual speed dating, sharing insights and lessons along the way. It's a journey worth taking, but maybe not for everyone. Remember, the dating world is full of surprises – good and bad.Episodes Mentioned:Am I Actually Delusional?! The Rollercoaster of Modern DatingHow to Deal with Rejection When You’re DatingGet Involved!You can contribute your stories to the Date with Confidence Podcast here. Share your best or worst dating stories, your biggest icks, dating tips you think everyone should know or ask me anything about my dating life or a burning question you need an answer for.  ResourcesThe Confidence KitThe Confidence CourseVisit The Date with Confidence website here.Follow The Date with Confidence Podcast on Instagram + follow your host Rebecca Hawkes here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I tried speed dating on Bumble twice and it was just not for me. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been. With practical episodes that'll provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date. Alongside lighthearted catch-ups where your host Rebecca, that's me by the way, shares her own experience dating

after four years of the single life. You are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles, empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come. And if it all falls to shit, there's a special first season dedicated to breakups. You are welcome, my friend. Subscribe subscribe review and share with your single friends so i i've always wanted to go speed dating i've always wanted to go speed dating in real life it

looks like a lot of fun but it's just never happened i i kind of don't want to go on my own so I need to go with a friend but I don't know and I've not really got any friends that would be up for going or they're into going because most friends are just like oh it's so like ridiculous it's not gonna be any good it's just gonna be idiots that go and I'm like yeah but it'll be funny like it would be a funny experience but then one of my friends was telling me about speed dating on bumble so a few weeks ago now probably a couple of months ago now on a Sunday it happens on a Sunday night I think it might happen more than once a week but I went on a Sunday night I signed myself up and I got started and this was a few days after I'd been dating someone for a few weeks they'd called it off back for the like this is the am I delusional guy he called it off and I

was eager to get myself back out there on the dating scene as quick as possible I'd already been speaking to some other people I already had a date with one guy booked in and I was like you know what speed dating I'll get to match with a lot of people have good crack get get to know as many people as possible I guess within an hour and I wanted to if you've listened to the how to handle rejection episode you'll know that I wanted to stop myself from spiralling into that space of no one's ever going to want me again and to do that I thought speed dating would help. I thought it might give me a bit of a confidence boost and remind me how many people there are out there just waiting to meet me. Not so much like waiting to meet me but just give me that reminder of there

are so many more opportunities and possibilities and fish in the sea there are so many more people out there and that my whole life now isn't over my whole dating life now isn't over just because this one guy changed his mind after a few weeks My confidence had been bruised by that experience a little bit, I mean not a lot because I'm very good at shifting quickly now when it comes to having my confidence knocked, but the truth is although my confidence had been bruised but I still felt pretty confident in myself because that's just who I am the speed dating actually made me feel worse so whilst I'd gone on to it thinking this is gonna make me feel better almost that like temporary like this will just give me a bit of a boost it'll be nice it'll be fun it's not too serious

can just have good crack with people it actually like it just made me feel worse, it made me feel bad about myself and I don't like things that make me feel bad about myself, I don't like it, I'm not here for it, I'm not available for it, I don't subscribe to things that make me feel negative about who I am because I've put in a lot of work over the last 12, 13 years to get me to a place where I love and accept myself and adore myself for who I am that anytime something happens or an experience or a thing or a person detracts from this newfound self-love I have I'm I'm just not here for it it's not for me not the one so just to give you a quick overview if you've never done speed dating on Bumble, this is how it works. You get matched with someone, so you don't see their profile, you don't see their name, you don't see their age, pictures, anything. You literally just get

matched with someone, it's the first letter of their name and then lots of stars. So you get matched with them, you talk for three minutes and then they show you the profile of the person that you've been talking to after those three minutes so that you can decide whether you want to keep speaking again like I'll keep speaking with them or whether you are just not interested at all now for me and I'll actually compare this because I've done the speed dating twice so I did it the first time uh the the week that I was rejected by the delusional guy and then the second time I did it was a month later when I was feeling really good about myself anyway and also actually I was feeling

really good about myself but I'd had a date that had been cancelled that same day so I was like you know what I'm not gonna fill my evening with sitting around doing nothing I'm gonna fill my evening with chatting to lots of other guys to again remind myself of the possibilities and all the people are out there and I was in a much better headspace when I did it the second time but the first time I did it I was in a bit of a dangerous situation in terms of how I was feeling mentally so I was already feeling rejected and when I'd had the three minute speed date with someone and they didn't choose to match with me I felt even more rejected especially because you get rejected based on your profile image so at the end of the chat it comes up with a picture of

the people and then you either tick or cross so I was already feeling low I was already feeling rejected and then people who weren't matching with me it just made me feel more rejected and it made it feel like because of how I look and even people that I didn't want to match with because the chat had been shocking I still felt rejected by them which is crazy but it is what it is so I'm very aware of how rejection makes me feel now so I was I was able to coach myself through that and I was able to remind myself that it wasn't a personal thing just like me not matching with other guys wasn't a personal thing either and if you are someone that struggles with rejection then do go back and listen to the episode on how to handle rejection when you are dating because I

think there'll be some really valuable tips in there for you but I reminded myself it's not about me it's not because I'm not good enough there just wasn't a connection and that's absolutely fine that's what dating is deciding whether there is a connection or there isn't a connection just because I didn't match with someone doesn't mean that they're not enough they're just not my person so after five or six chats I left the speed dating the chats are boring it was the same thing I'm not into small talk I'm not into shit chat I'm just I'm not here for it like I I like genuine conversations where someone's engaging or asking you decent questions or you can dive into a topic straight away and get lost in like four or five paragraph

messages for ages like back and forth and I was also very conscious so when I when I was doing the speed dating I was very aware of the rejection feelings that were coming up and of how it was making me feel. And because I was conscious of those feelings, I didn't want to leave myself in a situation that had the potential to make me judge myself or make me feel like I wasn't good enough. So because I already could feel my energy shifting, I could recognise the thoughts that were about to come out, I removed myself from that situation because that was the healthiest thing for me to do. And it also felt really overwhelming and it made me feel a little bit panicky the first time that I did it because you just have the three minutes to chat to someone

and the timer is literally counting down the seconds it felt like a mad rush of like oh my god what do I say like how do I prove that I'm interesting to someone how do I make this chat stand out from everyone else like it felt stressful and that's just because of the state that I was in so I left the speed dating I carried on chatting to a couple of other guys that I'd been speaking to in different apps and on whatsapp and I just ignored it for a month and then the other night I decided to go back onto the speed dating just to see if it was different and it was also it had been marketed as like a 90s speed dating as like a 90s theme and I didn't have a chat with anyone about anything 90s so I don't really understand why that was and it also wasn't an age thing either because someone was like I'm 42 blah blah and I mean I was born in 1990 and I'm 32 so I obviously knew that they weren't born in

the 90s um so I went back on again but the same it was kind of the same thing like the chats were a bit shit I wasn't overwhelmed this time I did have better conversations and I think because I was in the headspace of I'd already felt like I'd been in a situation where I wasn't respected I was in like a low bullshit tolerance level so you know when you're just like I'm not standing for anything like I'm very strong in what I want in who the type of person that I want to be matched with the type of conversations that I want to have if you're not here I'm done I'm not like worried about offending anyone or hurting someone's feelings or I'm not in that space of oh well I'll match with them just so that I don't make them feel bad no I'm I'm very much for myself

in this dating era and I'm happy with that I'm glad that I've got to this place where my feelings are the most important feelings in the room that is an important place to be in so had another few conversations back and forth there was maybe like seven or eight I did it for like I don't know 20 minutes maybe and then I was just like you know what I'm bored of this I can't handle the just shit chats like it's just not for me so I tried it twice from two different head spaces it it wasn't I didn't enjoy it but I would still love to go speed dating in real life because I do think it's it's different I think when you're sat opposite someone you can feel chemistry you can see someone and you can know whether you're attracted to them you can feel the way that their energy is like

their mannerisms the way that they're talking you can pick up so much more when you're in real life so I definitely do want to do that at some stage but I do feel like um speed dating on bumble or I mean I don't know whether any other apps do it I know bumble like um speed dating on bumble or I don't mean I don't know whether any other apps do it I know bumble does but speed dating on that is something that you have to be in your it like in the right headspace for so it's a no from me for now maybe I'll play around at another stage but not right now and if you know that you struggle with rejection I do think that speed dating might not be for you because even when you're rejecting other people if you're very sensitive to rejection

and they don't match with you it can trigger a lot although there's also the how to handle rejection when you date in episode that you can go back and listen to as I've already mentioned once before um they also give it a go go to it with an open mind i i think when it comes to dating in general everything you do needs to be done with a date with an open mind so just go see it as something fun see it as a new experience a bit of an experiment which is exactly how i saw it and see if you like it you can contribute your stories to the date with confidence podcast by heading to datewithconfidencepodcast.com contribute I want to know have you tried bumble speed dating do you like it have you tried real life speed dating tell me your best or worst dating stories your biggest ics dating tips that

you think everyone should know or ask me anything about anything really anything dating related ask me I'm an open book don't forget to check the show notes for resources and courses to help you date with confidence thanks so much for listening and I'll see you in the next one thanks so much for listening to the date with confidence podcast I hope you've enjoyed this episode subscribe rate and review and share it with your single friends Thank you. you