The Date with Confidence Podcast - Interview With My Grandad: Dating Advice From An 81-Year-Old

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

EPISODE 23: Interview With My Grandad: Dating Advice From An 81-Year-OldThis is hands down my favourite episode I’ve ever recorded.I have the most special guest on The Date with Confidence Podcast: my grandad. In this episode, we delve into the charming story of how my grandparents met and why grandad believes their 57 year marriage has been so successful. Plus, he reveals to me what he really thought of my ex boyfriends and gives me dating advice I never expected. Here's a peek at what we discussed:1. Love At First Sight: Grandad shares the story of how he met my nan at work, highlighting a moment of love at first sight and the charming details of their courtship2. Reflections on Longevity: Grandad reflects on his 57-year-long marriage, emphasising the significance of love, tolerance, and a willingness to give and take in making a relationship last.3. Dating Criteria and Priorities: Grandad emphasises the importance of finding a partner who prioritises and cares for you and shares how he’s always put nan first.4. Telling the Truth: I ask Grandad what he really thought about my ex boyfriend and he doesn’t hold back!5. Traditional Dating vs. Modern Apps: Drawing a comparison between past and present, Grandad expresses scepticism about dating apps. He encourages face-to-face interactions, suggesting that personal connections are more genuine than online profiles.6. Paying for Dates: Grandad gives his opinion on who should be paying the bill on the first date and how suggesting to split it could cause embarrassment on their part.7. Relationship Progression: Reflecting on his own relationship with my nan, Grandad talks about the natural progression of their relationships and how they became a couple - did he ask her to become his girlfriend?8. Final Words of Wisdom: The episode concludes with a reflection on a long and happy life, acknowledging the challenges of ageing but emphasising the fulfilment derived from family and meaningful connections. This episode offers listeners a heartwarming glimpse into the enduring love story of my grandparents, coupled with timeless dating advice from a man with a wealth of life experience. It's not just an interview; it's a family legacy shared with you.Links to episodes mentioned:The Near Perfect Date That Became a Hilarious NightmareGet Involved!You can contribute your stories to the Date with Confidence Podcast here. Share your best or worst dating stories, your biggest icks, dating tips you think everyone should know or ask me anything about my dating life or a burning question you need an answer for.  ResourcesThe Confidence KitThe Confidence CourseVisit The Date with Confidence website here.Follow The Date with Confidence Podcast on Instagram + follow your host Rebecca Hawkes here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is probably one of my favourite episodes that I've ever recorded because it involves one of my most favourite people in the whole entire world, my grandad. So I asked my grandad if he would come on to the Date With Confidence podcast, if I could ask him about how he met my nan, their relationship and I also wanted to ask him to give me some advice that I can take into my dating life if you like advice on what to look out for and how to behave he also shared his opinions on my exes it was just a really wonderful episode for me to record. My grandad's always been one of my favourite people ever since I was a child. I've got so many happy memories of spending time with my grandparents. Their house is essentially my second home. I've spent my entire life as a child

like growing up around there, seeing them on weekends weekends I see them a couple of times a week now and over the past couple of years since 2020 since lockdown first happened my granddad's health has deteriorated quite a lot so being able to have this chance to sit down with him and record this episode this interview with him really means a lot because it's been an emotional few years and I just wanted to capture that information, the conversation forever. So this episode is definitely more for me than anyone else but I thought that you might like to hear it as well so let's dive in to the episode. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been. With practical episodes that'll provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date,

alongside light-hearted catch-ups where your host Rebecca, that's me by the way, shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life, you are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles, empowered to never settle again, and confident that the best is yet to come. And if it all falls to shit, there's a special first Okay. Right. I always feel really embarrassed doing like... I'm more of a gog. Go on.

Doing introductions. So I'll probably wait and do the proper introduction afterwards. But this is an interesting episode today because I've got my granddad with me. And it's funny because when we were kids, we used to have microphones, didn't we? You brought microphones home from work and we had that karaoke machine. And I used to record radio shows when I was little so it feels like a real like full circle moment I guess. So I'm here with Grandad and he is how old are you 81? Be 81 this Christmas, no 82 this Christmas. Yeah 82 at Christmas and we are going to talk about dating.

Wow. We're going to talk about how you met Nan, what you thought of my ex-boyfriends, and I've got some questions from the listeners as well. So, first of all, tell us how you met Nan. Well, she used to work at a shop in Dagenham called Pollard's. And I used to work in the shop at Haynall for the same company. And I phoned the manageress up one day to find out if she'd got some stock that I needed. And she had.

So I went over there to pick it up. Went in the shop, picked it up. Just caught a little glimpse of what is now your nan. Went back and thought, she looks nice, but never took any notes on it, you know, you're busy.

And it was coming up for Christmas time and we all then had to go and do a Sunday at the warehouse. Loading and packing and everything else so we was up there we were packing I never saw her Nan all the way through it until it was tea break and we used to have to queue up where the ladies served the tea and I was behind what is now your Nan, was just standing there,

and this great big oaf just pushed past and said, I want a cup of tea, please. And I walked up and grabbed hold of him and said, you go back in the bloody queue and wait with everybody else. About pushing in front of this young lady. And then your nan had a cup of tea, and she was all shy and timid as she was. And then I thought to myself, well, I like the look of her.

She's nice. And I think she's the one I'm going to marry. You know, you get a funny feeling. And I even told my mate Jimmy Jones. I said, that's the girl I'm going to marry. He said, no. He said, I bet you five of you won't. But he still owes me the five.

And then I went back there and I used to buy a little glass of trinkets like Bambi's and Deere and I used to pop them from the box at Dagenham, named it like for her because she only lived up the road. And then I asked her if she'd come out on me. And her little mate there, no,'t go out on me it's too short but she did and we did go out and I believe on the first date

we went to the pictures to see something and I got my pullover on inside out which one of my customers had knit for me and it was called a nippy knot pullover it was a knitted walk but after that we just started going out steady, and things progressed, and then we got married. How long were you together before you asked us to marry you?

I don't think it was... I think it was only about six months to nine months. Not that, because we married in 66, so I must have met her in 64. 63, perhaps it was 63, I don't know, I can't remember now. And it was probably about the end of 63, I suppose about in 64, sometime I asked her, and then we set the date for the wedding, which was 1966, which is a little church around the corner to where she used to live. And the vicar was a vicar, Eddie Stride.

I always remember his name. And the wedding day went nice, but before it happened, apparently they were a bit late picking me up because one of their cars broke down. So anyway, eventually they picked me up and we got there all right. But then during the reception at his mum's house, his dad said, I want some more money. He said, what do you want money for? Oh, he said, the car broke down, so they want to...

I said, look, if their car broke down... His dad said, no, no, they need money, so I'll give them this money. And of course, whether he paid them or not, I don't know, I never know. And then I thought to myself, why am I paying that money? Because their car broke down. It's not like it was your fault. No, that's right. And we lived at Dagenham for roughly two weeks

because I'd already applied to my government if I could have a flat somewhere and one became available at Dagenham Heath, Dagenham, Woodland Dagenham and within a fort like we went in there, had a little look, Nan was there and I oh, a little bit of doing up, it'll be all right. Of course, she just started crying, oh, you don't like it. I said, yes, I do. And then we lived there for 15 years. But while we were there, we had Karen, which is your mum, which was lovely.

And so 15 years. And I said I would never buy a house because I wouldn't saddle myself with that much debt. But they decided in their wisdom, the Dagenham Council, that they wanted to go and widen the road at Wood Lane and that would have taken easy two to three foot off the pavement, which was nearer the front of the shop, and there the traffic would have been...

You couldn't open our windows during the day anyway because of the traffic and then we decided to go and have a look at these houses and we we had a look we had a look at one that's Ilford some oh it was just like derelict and we said no to that and then we had a look several more around and we got home to the flat your mum was about 13 at the time i think or perhaps 12 i can't remember and um she um i said oh look there's another one oh i'm not going out i got you so for christ's sake come on we've got to go and have a look at it anyway we got in and we turned in the top of the turn and the first word your nan said to me, I can't live here, there's too many trees.

And I think I just went ballistic. Anyway, we come and look for the place and it was Mr and Mrs Walker, funny enough, used to own it. But it was no hot and cold running water downstairs, it was just cold. Where the settee was, if you pulled the settee out, they'd paint it round it. And where the curtains were drawn,

they'd paint it just down the side of the curtains. They didn't paint the track. But anyway, nevertheless, we looked in the garden and they had rows of roses. And they were beautiful, you know. And the first thing I thought was, they've got to come out because the dog will be cutting itself to pieces, you know. And the first thing I thought was, oh, they've got to come out because the dog will be cutting itself to pieces, you know.

Anyway, the price of the house was, he said, 24,500. 24,500. And then when we went back again to have a second look, because we did, he said, no, it wasn't because they'd got the price wrong enough. But it was actually lower, lower than what we thought. And we decided we'd go for it.

So we put in an application for a mortgage. My governor, bless him, wrote me a letter to say that he was increasing my wages in the next year by 20%, which was a lie because he wasn't going to give me 20%. And he told me that as well. He said, but I will put it down. It was quite a big raise. Yeah, it'll help you get a mortgage, which it did.

And they took that into consideration. And they faffed about. And when I phoned them, I wanted to borrow 19,500. And they faffed and waited, and I phoned them. I said, what's the problem? We can't lend you 19,000. I said, well, what can you lend me? We can only lend you 19,200.

I said, well, for Christ's sake, that will do. Give me the mortgage, I can get it in my house. And anyway, they okayed that, and we bought my house. And anyway, they okayed that and we bought the house and we moved it in about 1980, I think it was. Yeah, 1980. And when we come in, there was a lot to do. We've always done all our plumbing,

me brother, put our heaters in. We put all the pipes in first because we didn't have enough money for the radiators because it was only you know we had a big old fire in here and one in the other room and then he was doing a bit of pipe work like doing the running the water like for the radiators and he said to me i wouldn't like to i wouldn't like my daughter to live in this house and i said why because the wiring's brittle and could catch

a lot with that he said i've got to make those in their favor and he's made rewired the house for us all i did was to pay him the uh cost of the water or anything else. And then we got on from there. So 57 years later, we were... Still happily married? Most of the time. No, still happily married. I wouldn't do that, you know. But how did you know that she was the one, though?

I don't know. It's just that I looked and thought, that's for me. Because I hear stories about that all the time, where people always say that but I've never experienced it no it literally was love at first sight despite what I've told you before

yeah it literally was love and I thought that's the girl for me that's so cute I think you know if's so cute so yeah no no we just I think you know if you're going out with somebody and it don't feel right it's not right I mean we always felt right yeah so I mean it's got to be honest my mum didn't like me really did you what no not first why she thought I was too well a bit cockney a bit brash and a bit, you know, but she soon warmed to me.

And then her brother, Freddy, was talking one day, he said, do you reckon you'll be able to look after her, which really riled me. I said, well, I can protect her, don't you worry about that. And of course, his life and my life are entirely different.

So, yes, I've always looked after you now. Always stuck up for you. Always will do. That's funny. I also thought it was funny about how entirely different. So yes, I've always looked after you now. Always stuck up for you. That's funny. I also thought it was funny about how you said about the friend not saying that they shouldn't date you because you were short. I feel like I'm quite picky

because I won't date anyone short either. And maybe that's where I've been going wrong. Well, that's why I've always looked up to you now. I just knew she was the one for me, that's all. It went on from there. It was smashing. And I remember saying to my mum,

sitting down there talking, I said, oh, well, I'm going to marry Lynn. And the first words out of her mouth was, I won't believe that, so there was a ring on her finger. Well, there was. We got engaged a little after that. I had the engagement at my mum's house. How did you choose the ring?

Oh, Nanny. Oh, Nan chose it. Oh yeah, we went out and chose it. I wouldn't go out and buy it. Oh, okay. Because your Nan is very... Particular. Yeah, that chose it. Oh yeah, we went out and chose it. I wouldn't go out and buy it. Oh, okay. Because your Nan is very... Particular. Yeah, that's right. I was going to say picky, but particular about what she likes.

And we went to, I believe, a jewellery shop in Ilford and picked it out and got it. Yeah, it's a nice ring. Yeah, yeah. And then we did the same with the wedding ring. It's kind of the same, you know. Oh, you've got... Did you wear a wedding ring? No. Well, I had a ring. I had two yeah, yeah. And then we did the same with the wedding ring. Done the same, you know. Oh, you guys. Did you wear a wedding ring? No.

Well, I had a ring. I had two rings, actually. But the gold, and it wasn't for wedding, it was just for Christmas, started to itch my skin. Oh, okay. So I actually took it off, put it in the cupboard, and when we ate the burglary, Burglar Bill took them. Oh, okay. You know, and when we had the burglary, the burglar bill took them. Oh, okay. And I've never worn a ring since,

not because I don't want to show people I'm married, because I'm quite proud of that. It's just that, you know, I just didn't wear a ring. Did it ever bother Nan, you not wearing a ring? No, no, because she knew that wearing a ring or not would make a difference to me. Yeah. I wasn't going to run off with somebody else with a ring all hair. No, no, no. She was good.

So you've been married for 57 years. Yes. Why do you think your relationship has been so successful? Give and take tolerance, I suppose. Your nan knows my faults. There are as many as I know hers, which is few. But you learn to counteract each other. You learn to give and take.

And try not to argue. I mean, we've had some arguments, but you try not to argue. I've mellowed over the years. And your nan's got a little bit more talkative, if you like, because she's always been shy and retiring and whatever so yeah it's lasted you know been good what do you think makes a successful relationship like in terms of what would you define a successful relationship as because i mean obviously longevity is a pretty good indicator that it's a successful relationship but it's like you've

always been happy haven't you you've never just been in a relationship because no it's because you love each other and that really makes a lot of difference if you really love each other then you can get over anything and we have you know we've had our little low points and we've had some really high points when your mum was born and then when you two were born which was lovely anything. And we have, you know, we've had our little low points, and we've had some really high points, like when your mum was born, and then when you two were born, which was lovely, it just filled our lives. And we've always said family is the main thing about our life, always family comes first. But at the top of the rank is, you know, I've always put above everybody else. So, yeah, else. It's been good.

I think once you know you really love somebody, then it's easy. You can just meander through life. We've done some silly things. Not major silly things, but like drink driving and silly things like that. But in our day, there was about three cars on the road. It's a bit different than nowadays. Yeah, and I'm ashamed of myself for doing it, because I know I shouldn't.

But it wasn't blotto drunk, but I knew I'd been drinking and, you know, sort of. But no, no, it was... I think it's when you really, really, really love somebody, then it makes life a little easier. I was going to ask another question. I can't remember what it was. No, I can't remember what I was saying anyway.

We were talking about what makes a successful relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A give and take. Why did you make that decision that Nan was always going to come first? Like, what made you... Because I don't know whether that was necessarily modelled to you with your dad, was it? Did your dad always put your mum first? My dad used to look after his mum in monetary terms.

He used to call in to see her. My mum was very, very jealous because he didn't spend the time with her that he spent. Well, he should have spent, let's put it that way. But you've got to remember that many many many times when he said to her do you want to come over to his mum's do you want to come over to the dog races and she always said no okay so in the end he stopped asking so because he stopped asking she's got all bitter and twisted and said, you know, he thinks more of his mum than he thinks of him. And I've always thought ever since I was a youngster, if I ever got married, I would put my wife first above anybody else. And I suppose that's a criteria I've always stuck to.

And I always have. Yeah, which is a good thing, really. Well. I feel like you don't really meet many people. I think Luke's like it. Like, I think Luke definitely puts Hannah and the kids first. Hannah first and the kids, which is right. And I used to put your name first and then your mum.

And when after your mum, it was you two, which I've always put you above. And we've gone without quite a few, without saying a zone, without a few things to make sure that you've been all right and that your mum's been all right. And that's just followed through throughout our life. We've looked after you. When your mum was born, I swore that I would look after her to the best of my ability. And when you were born, I said the same.

And when Luke was born, I said the same. And I think I've done a bloody good job. Yeah. I think you have. Yeah, no, I've done well. I agree with you there. I've loved having you kids and running around the garden. You've kept me young and this, that and the other.

And now, of course, I've got Luke's two little ones. It's making me feel, you know, looking forward to life again, which is good. Yeah, that's sweet. Okay, let's change gears slightly and talk about... Let's talk about my ex-boyfriends and what you thought of those because you've met three of them so start with the first one because

when I've been in each of these relationships the feedback that I always had at the time was that they were lovely guys and then when the relationships ended it turns out that wasn't necessarily the case. No.

I think what it is, is with your first one being an actor, I think your nan thought more of him than I did. I thought he was a little shit from the word go. I mean, I've worked with people all my life and I could look at somebody and know that they're wrong. And it wasn't because he was going out with her, with Rebecca. It was just I knew that he was a selfish little pig. And he was.

He was a selfish little pig. And the times I've had to pick Rebecca up from his house, one o'clock in the morning because he's just gone out and left her. Now, to me, a bloke don't do that to me. I don't remember that. I remember there being one time where we'd had an argument, hadn't we?

He wasn't talking to me. No, and he went in the other room with his mum. Yeah, he was in the other room because I think they had visitors. I'm pretty sure his mum had a friend around. Oh, well.

I mean, maybe not. I can't really remember now. But yeah, there was a time where he just refused to speak to me. It was another night where they'd just left you on your own. Gone out. I can't even remember. And you phoned there was a time where he just refused to speak to me. It was another night when he'd just left on his own, gone out. I can't even remember. And you phoned up and said, do you want to come home?

And I went and picked you up. In East Ham, which was... East Ham, yeah. Ages away. Oh, yeah. Well, it didn't matter, did it? Well. You needed help, I was there.

I've always said I'd be there for you and I was happy. Well, I hope I was happy, let's put it that way. Yeah, of course you are. See, you didn't like him and you... I mean, I was with be happy and I was happy. Well, I hope I was happy, let's put it that way. Yeah, of course you are. See, you didn't like him. I mean, I was with him for a couple of years. Yeah, I know. I still thought he was a little shit right the way through. I've often said to your nan, he's no good for her.

He's a selfish little pig and he's not going to put... She needs somebody to put her first. But then that's my criteria as well. Perhaps that's come into it. Yeah, maybe that's what I need to add. The second one was a bit of a Jack the Lad who thought he could rule the roost. Yeah, he was like the first one that I was properly in love with. Yeah, well, for about six weeks.

Three months. Three months. And we went out to dinner once and he insisted he was going to be the big guy and pay the money. And I said, no, he ain't. And he said, oh, yes, I am. And I thought to myself, no, you're not. And oh yes I am and I thought to myself no you're not and I told him no there's no way you're going to pay for this mill so don't keep on about it and I don't think he likes it very much but I didn't like him either no I think probably we'd been on

a family mill hadn't we because we'd had there was quite a big group of us that had gone out yeah yeah and I think... It was some occasion. Yeah, we'd gone down the road, hadn't we? You asked me if you could go. Faraglioni, I think it was. Was it Crank? No, I think it was Faraglioni's down there. Oh, Faraglioni's.

Whatever that was. And Pat and Steve were there. That's right, yeah. Yeah, it was quite a big mill that we'd gone out for. And yeah, he was very insistent. And I suppose being like 21 or 20 was he 20, 21 he kind of thought he was I don't know

had he been a little bit more tactful and said to the court can I help pay for this I would have said no thank you very much this is on my treat and that's it because I've done it to my birthday I was saying like that it might have been your 70th actually.

No, for me 70th I think your mum and Christine and Nan took me to a pub in the country somewhere. I'm sure they did, yeah. I mean it was 11 years, 12 years ago. Yeah, I'm sure. So it could have been. I'm sure for this because I remember your mum

bombing that radio for me 70th. Oh, I don't know. Anyway, yeah. Might have been, I think. But then he swiftly exited the scene. That's right, yeah, leaving you upset because he was a liar as well as anything else. Yeah. The next one I quite liked, although liking him has never been, he's not going to be any good for her.

Not he's not good enough for her, but I've always thought that he wasn't good to her and he wasn't going to put her first and he was selfish and he was a bit of a nutcase because he would lose things. I think he was just a bit careless. I'm sure he was on the wacky backy most of the time but I'll never know that because they won't tell me but him I liked to a degree although I never

thought he was for us you liked him as a person but just not yeah I liked him I think he was probably the best out of a bad bunch well you stayed with him

for how long five years well five years so you know what that five years was to you I don't know we often used to think

he didn't look after you properly yeah but I suppose they all come down to that same like I was never number one

no that's right see I mean if I was going to get married now and I was like youngster your age whatever and I

would always think right as soon as I get not before you get married because it's a little bit different once you're married your priority is your wife and that is your first priority anything after that goes down the line yeah so I always thought that him would never your first property. Anything after that goes down the line. Yeah. So I

always thought that him would never ever treat you as you should be treated. But then perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps I'm thinking he should treat you like I'll treat you. And it's a whole different ball game isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So you know, I mean, he was alright

but I knew he wasn't for you anyway. Yeah. Okay. So now I'm back in the dating arena after four years. Don't pick anybody that picks his nose. Don't pick anybody. So I obviously talked around the story from a couple of weeks ago, the near-perfect date story, which you can go back and listen to if you

haven't heard it yet um what advice would you give me now that i'm dating again find somebody that will treat you with the respect you deserve and you treat him the same find somebody that's quite willing to pay for your meal without this half yours and half mine. And then if you continue to date and decide that you will split it, fine, that's okay. But I'm always old school. If I ever took your nan out for meals, never happened because she did like nan out for meals,

I would pay. And that would be the end of it. I would pay and that's it. Because in my day, the bloke paid. The woman didn't. And when you got married and you formed a partnership, you just go along. You split everything equal anyway.

I mean, these people that get married nowadays, they've got separate bank accounts. I can never understand that because if you're a married couple, why should you have separate bank accounts? I mean, from the words, from the time we opened up our account about 50-odd years ago, it's always been in a joint account. And I've never wanted any different. And money's never been my criteria for getting on in life.

I think my criteria in life is to please people, to be nice to them, for them to be nice to me. And I worked in the retail trade for 58 years. And in that 58 years, I suppose if I upset 5 customers that's it but they've started it so you know it's not been I've never been aggressive to a customer so yeah

I think if you're nice to people and they're nice to you and you want to help them that'll help you in life give you a sense of achievement it wasn't the money it was the sense of achievement. I mean, I started off as a shop boy, and then I made myself, went up to manager,

and I managed the shop really, really well. And then I went to another shop, which became top shop nearly three years, four years running. And then I left that and went to another shop, and I took that up to the years, four years running. And then I left that and went to another shop. And I took that up to the top, four years running, and the shop that I was at went down. So I achieved service, and I made money from my company. And, yeah, we used to get commission ourselves.

I made commission, but money's never really come into it. It's always been achievement of achievement. And then I finished up being an area manager, which I was quite successful at. I mean, I had a few failures, but you do in life. I was successful. My group suddenly became one of the top groups in the company for doing well

and a lot less stock loss because there was pilfering and I just think I achieved that and it wasn't me that left the company, it was the company that left me because they went bankrupt so after 58

years I left there because I had to I made redundant 58 years, I left there because I had to. I made redundant. 58 years? No, kind of 58 years. No, not 58. What am I talking about? Because you've been married for 37.

38, yeah. 38, that's right, yeah, 38. Because I'd reached the end that I couldn't pay any more into my pension. And if I did, it wouldn't make any difference. So that's 38, 39 years, I think, by the time I left. And that was the end of that. And Christine, my sister-in-law, well, you know Christine, got me a job at Nearpost.

And Nan's shop weren't quite closed then, so the shops were gradually closed. And I used to see your name walk past near post every morning and that used to break my heart because we'd always worked together you know I mean but after a little while got used to near post they got used to me finished up sort of virtually running the post room in respect that if anybody wanted anything done they always came to me why i don't know because i wasn't i wasn't a supervisor or in charge or anything but i'll get things done yeah and i worked there for 11 years till i retired which was good and i worked

there and mum worked there christine worked so we all ended up working there but i remember when were kids, we used to come in and see you sometimes on the way home from school. That's right. Because Nan used to come pick us up from school when she stopped working. That's right. And then we'd get the bus and then we'd sometimes come into the post room and I'd get to go and do the posting. Yeah, that's right. You'd do the post for me, yeah. That was so good.

Do you think working with Nan, I know you weren't always in the same shop but in the same company, do you think that was beneficial to your marriage? It was to me because I always felt I was looking after her. I knew where she was and I knew if she wanted me, I could be there. And it was such a, I mean, I used to drop her off most mornings, but I always dropped her off early so I could be where I was supposed to be on time. Yeah. But people in the company thought it was, oh, he's always dropping his wife off.

Yeah, well, I was. But it was always early, and she always started work half hour, three quarters of an hour earlier than she should, so they were gaining, you know what I mean? Yeah. And then I used to try to pick her up, if I could could of an evening

but that was the protective side of me because I knew Nan didn't like buses and she didn't like getting on trains but yes it was beneficial that I could look after her and that was it Did you used to talk about work when you came home?

Yeah we had a little chat about it I mean Nan used to talk about work when you came home? Yeah, we used to have a little chat about it. Not in... I mean, Nan used to tell me about her shoplifter since she stopped, and I'd tell her about what I've been doing and, you know, talk. Yeah, we used to talk shop,

but then don't forget your mum was here. Sometimes we'd find out what she'd been doing, which was not very forthcoming because she didn't like talking about it. Yeah, no, we used to have a little chat about it, about what we were doing, and I would perhaps pass on a little bit of information that I've got to pass on to other managers, but I would do it at home so it's not in the shop

and she doesn't have to object to what I'm saying in the shop. She could do it in here. Yeah, yeah, we shall be chatting about that one. But not in depth. I mean, we've just got on with it. Yeah, fair enough. Okay. I want to know this because I know you said that when you saw Nan,

it was love at first sight and you just knew that she was the one. How am I going to know when I she was the one how am i gonna know when i found the one you will know if it's really meant for you i think if you look at somebody you would know but you've got to remember i was lucky because i thought she was the one for me and she was you could think it's something for you and and it wasn't. That's true, because I definitely thought that about two of my exes. That's right. It could be that, you know, you... But I do think, personally,

if you're like me, when you look at somebody, you'll know in your own mind and in your heart that that's the one. But, of course, if he doesn't reciprocate, it's not the one. You know what I mean? It's got to be a two-way stretch.

So then I just have to deal with the fallout that comes from that. You just have to deal with the fallout. Yeah, yeah. You just have to over you get a partner and he treats you right and you treat him right. That's the main thing. I think that's important as well. I feel like a lot of people nowadays focus on the man's got to treat the woman right. It's all about the way that the man behaves.

And I understand why those conversations are happening because obviously women are treated badly all the time. But I do think you've got to have that equality of nan looks after you, you look after nan. That's right. It's got to be two way. Yeah. What sort of person, in your opinion, should I be looking for? Someone like me.

Okay. Not short. I was going to say short, bald and 82. Not short. Not bald. Not 82. Somebody that will care for you and look after you. Really care for you.

Not just, you know, when it fancies you. Somebody that will care for you. And, of course, you've got to care for him it. Somebody that will care for you. And of course, you've got to care for him. So that makes a lot of difference. That's very true. Okay. Our last couple of questions. These are from

our listeners. So the first one is, how was dating back in the day? Like, how was it different back then to probably how it is now? Well, I i mean today i think it's all clubs and you know this goes because this goes with my day but in our day i mean when i was caught you know it was the cinema or we go to the park or we just stay in you know and of course there used to be a couple living next door to us.

Used to live in the doctors. They had children. And they would ask us to babysit for us. So we'd sit in there all night and babysit for them. And look after them. Yeah, oh yeah. Pete and Dave. Pete.

And Dolly, I think it was. Yeah. We used to look after their lit ones. And then you went out for walks. You didn't, you know, say pictures, didn't go to discos, went pictures. Or you just sat and drive in the car.

It's not like today when it's all internet dating. It was more personal contact then It's not like today when it's all internet dating. It was more personal contact then rather than over the phone and over the internet. Sounds a lot more simple, like simple dates, whereas now they're a bit more extravagant. I mean, you weren't under really, without me and them for, say, a year before we got married. But there was nothing really that made you think well i've got to do this i said you want to go for this night no i don't really feel like so you're staying or else you go for a walk or else like us we were arranging the marriage and sorting things out

and and you just meander through it really i mean no great depth great depth to it, just meandered through it. And that's what I thought I've done most of my life. I've just meandered through it. I haven't really done anything great, but you know, I've just got, I'm dropping all of them. Yeah. Yeah, so I've just sort of poodled through life really, if you like. Did you ask Nan to be your girlfriend? Because nowadays, the way it happens is you meet someone typically online, you go on a few dates then you have a few weeks or months where you then decide okay we'll be exclusive so you're not dating anyone else but you're not boyfriend and girlfriend and then you wait a couple more months and then someone says

do you want to be my girlfriend and then you decide to be girlfriend and boyfriend and then eventually you decide to get married or whatever? No, it wasn't like that at all. Like when me and your nan I bought her some little presents and I asked her if she'd go out to the cinema with me, which she did and then I asked if I could

see her again and she said yes and I think we probably went up the West End to see a show I believe, not sure we even went motor racing at one time with Jimmy and my cousin Anne to

I can't remember it isn't it and we watched and they were freezing cold I mean me and Jimmy would enjoy ourselves because we watched them but in the end we took one look at them and said, no, we've got to take them home early because they're too cold. So you actually left the motor racing to take them home?

We left the motor racing. Well, we both did. I mean, Jimmy said, no, I can't see them sitting out. It was really, really bitter cold. That's so different. I feel like nowadays I'd have been sent home. It'd have been like, go on, you go home and I'll stay here and watch the racing. No, no, we brought them home.

But after, I mean, it was just a natural progression. I just said to you then, can I come round on Saturday or Monday? And it was, yes, fine. So you just got into, it wasn't you're my girlfriend. It was just you're together and that's it. And then you say to somebody oh yes my girlfriend but you don't mean it as oh she's mine yeah like she's exclusive but that's me going out at the moment but we're caught in if you like any old-fashioned terms so you know it was it was just

a natural progression you just went from going out for a couple of dates to going out on more dates and then just going out together. And that was it. Nice. Much less complicated. I mean, we never actually called ourselves fiancés or anything like that. I mean, that wasn't the thing in our days. We were engaged to be married and that was it.

We weren't a fiancé or a bride to be. We were just engaged. Yeah. Good. What do you think of dating apps? I think they're a load of rubbish. Because to be honest with you, at my age, I think meeting somebody over the phone or dating apps,

they could say what they like. They could say they're nine foot tall and they're short, fat and tubby like me and you'll go out and you'll feel what a disappointment. Why not go out and have a look around and see what's available. You see lots of nice girls, lots of nice folks

that will take care of you and not these ones that get on the phone and say look, I've done this and I've done that. It's never been proved. Go out with them to find out. But you don't, I think, meet in face-to-face rather than all these apps is just, it seems to make things too easy.

And half of them never work out anyway. So, you know, go meet people in person. You know, go around the shops, have a look, talk to people. Go and have a coffee with a bloke if you like he's just met and have a little chat find out and you'll see if he's lying to you by looking at his face That's true, I feel like a lot of people

kind of have lost the ability to read people because of Well because of the apps they tell you what they want to tell you don't they, I mean, I would never tell anybody I'm coming up for 82, going bald, fat, on oxygen 24 hours a day. I'd say, well, I'm six foot two, I'm a pilot.

A pilot! And I'm going to fly all around the world. And when they see me, God help them. Anyway, I don't believe in that. They know I'm old-fashioned, so it's not for me. Okay, what's one piece of dating advice you would give to someone in 2023? I think to try not to embarrass yourself. Oh, what does embarrassing yourself look like?

In any way, shape or form. Okay. Like if the chap says to you, I'm going to pay for this meal. You go, oh no, I'll pay for art. Because that's an embarrassment to him. Oh, that's embarrassing. Because he's saying, well, does she think I can't afford to pay for her? Why is she saying she has to pay art when I've not even asked her?

So he's embarrassed. And then you look at him and you think, oh, I've embarrassed him now. So you're embarrassed. So try not to embarrass yourself. That's the best bit. That's very interesting. Yeah. And try to be relaxed.

Because when you're relaxed, you're all right. I mean, if he's a chatty person like me, you'll chat all night and you'll probably think, well, I'd like to go out with him again. If he's one of these that don't talk much, like your brother, he thinks, oh, he sits on deep dark waters and run deep and all this. So just don't embarrass yourself. But that worked out

alright for Luke and Hannah because Hannah talks enough for the two of them. Hannah's a lovely girl she's bubbly. So, you know, obviously he knew she was fit. Whatever way he found out, I don't know. And I don't suppose for one minute, I suppose she might have embarrassed him on a few occasions, but they were getting married then, so it was all right.

That's so interesting because I always, I like it when someone pays for me for dinner. But nowadays, I feel like I have to offer because I don't want to be seen as a gold digger or entitled or anything like that. No. I mean, don't forget, these blokes, if they've gone out with a girl on the first date and they've paid every first date, and they've gone out with six girls, you can imagine, I'm getting fed up with this because I'll get nothing back. Which is understandable. I mean, a bloke who pays all this because I'll get nothing back, which is understandable.

You know, I mean, the bloke's paying all his money out. He's not even getting companionship for another day. So I can understand him, but I always think, being old-fashioned, the bloke should pay at least on the first day. Yeah. You go out again, then you say to him, well, can I pay half because you paid the first let's be fair that way he knows you're not gold yeah but you should be expected to pay for the first

i agree and i also think like when you think about me so like the amount of money not necessarily loads of money but like i'll have a new outfit i'll be paying for makeup i'll be paying for the fake tan that i wear before i go for my hair to be cut i feel like i invest in myself before a date anyway so i think it's fine if a man pays for it yeah and if he turns up and he looks like combo from uh last of the summer wine i've not seen it he looks like a tramp He's always got welly boots on. Don't go out with him. Okay. Because that would be me. Okay, I think that is all the questions that we have. Is there anything else that you would like to add before we finish?

No, no, only that I've had a long and happy life. I've always enjoyed what I've done. It's been a happy family life. We've always enjoyed what I've done. It's been a happy family life. We've always enjoyed the kids and the grandchildren. So, you know, life's actually been, I know the last three years has been a little bit bad, but then when you get to my age, bits start falling off anyway. So, you know, it's like an old banger, you know, wind pulls off one day and a mirror the next day. Well, that's it until the roof falls in and then you know you've had it. But no, I mean, apart from Nan not feeling well too at the moment,

we've had a really, really good life, so we can't complain. We're doing what we can. That's brilliant. Thank you very much. All right, love. Thanks so much for listening to the Date With Confidence podcast. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Subscribe, subscribe rate and review and share it with your single friends Thank you.