The Date with Confidence Podcast - Mindset Shifts You Need to Make Around Dating

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

EPISODE 07: Mindset Shifts You Need to Make Around DatingAre you stuck in a dating rut, feeling like you're trudging through an endless cycle of disappointment and frustration? It's time for a change, and that change starts with your mindset.In this episode of The Date With Confidence podcast, I’m exploring the importance of changing your mindset when it comes to dating so you can stop feeling like dating’s a chore and start to view it as something FUN.Here are the key topics we cover:1. The Power of Mindset: I highlight the influence of your thoughts and beliefs on your dating experiences.2. Common Negative Beliefs: I address the common negative beliefs that people hold about dating, such as thinking "men are trash" or that dating apps don't work and how they impact your dating life.3. Shifting Your Energy: I encourage you to change your perspective and approach dating with a positive, open mindset so that you enjoy every date you go on, no matter how it ends.4. Letting Go of Expectations: We look at why you need to stop putting too much pressure on dates to be amazing and how a relaxed attitude can lead to more meaningful connections.5. The Impact of Self-Talk: I share the importance of changing the way you talk to yourself and why you need to start believing in the possibility of finding the right match.By shifting your mindset and embracing a more positive perspective on dating, you can create a more enjoyable and successful dating experience. Get Involved!You can contribute your stories to the Date with Confidence Podcast here. Share your best or worst dating stories, your biggest icks, dating tips you think everyone should know or ask me anything about my dating life or a burning question you need an answer for.  ResourcesThe Breakup Bounce BackAttract on the AppsThe Confidence KitThe Confidence CourseGet weekly-ish updates, exclusive offers and access behind the scenes gossip when you become a podcast insider.Visit The Date with Confidence website here.Follow The Date with Confidence Podcast on Instagram + follow your host Rebecca Hawkes here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you need to change your mindset around dating? Because here's the thing, what you think you believe and what you believe becomes your reality. So if you're telling yourself things like men are trash, dating apps don't work, everyone's just out there to play the game, or dating is hard, or you're in that energy of well no one's gonna want to date me because there's too many people, like too many other options out there. If you're in that energy that dating shit, and although it does feel like that sometimes, if that's what you tell yourself, that's what your reality is going to become. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support, and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't

as bad as it could have been with practical episodes that will provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident af on your next date alongside light-hearted catch-ups where your host rebecca that's me by the way shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life you are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles, empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come. And if it all falls to shit, there's a special first season dedicated to breakups. You are welcome, my friend. Subscribe, review and share with your single friends. It will become a self-fulfilling prophecy because even in you actively using the dating apps it's going to

feel hard it's going to feel annoying you're gonna go into interacting on the dating apps with that energy whereas if you shift the things that you say to yourself and you say oh my god I love dating I love using the dating apps I'm so enjoying chatting to all these new people I love going out and meeting new people dating is so much fun it stops becoming this thing that's hard work that you've got to put effort into when you're already busy doing other shit it starts to become this fun thing that's more like an enjoyable experience and more of a hobby, more of something exciting, something that adds something to your life rather than takes away your energy from other things that you could be doing. Like we all want to meet someone at some point, maybe not all of us,

a lot of us want to meet someone at some point. That's what we want to do, we want to date, we want to settle down, we want to fall in love, love have that fairy tale but we don't want it to feel hard but a lot of the time it feels hard because that's what that's what we think we hear our friends saying oh my god dating is so hard the men I meet on dating apps are just assholes and we bite into their stories and their experiences so then when we join the apps we're already going into it with that mentality that's how I felt when I started dating again after so I was gonna say seven years of being single that was a lot three years of being single after a five-year relationship three years of being single I started dating again and I downloaded one of the dating apps and I've never been on the apps

before and when I was in a relationship I was like oh I've never I've been in a relationship so long that tinder had kind of just come out when I was getting into the relationship so I never used it and I was like oh my friends were always on their swiping and I was like that looks like so much fun I'd really love to try that and then hello manifested my own breakup well done me um so I downloaded the app and I was like okay this is gonna be quite interesting and then I chatted to my friends who've been single for a while and they were like the dating apps are just the worst you never meet anyone genuine the dates are always shit it's so annoying that you have to talk to people like talk to the same people or like have the same conversation over and

over again men are just trash or you'll go out with someone and then they'll just ghost you so instead of me like entering the dating world with this excitable energy of this is going to be so much fun like I love dating in my 20s like this is going to be amazing I was then consumed by other people's stories and other people's experiences so straight away I was already already like oh this isn't gonna be fun but I suppose it's like a means to an end no yeah it means to an end I might as well just get on there because I'm not gonna meet anyone else any other way and because I went on there with that frustrated energy it did feel frustrating initially so I took a break and was like I can't this cannot

be the energy that I go into dating with because it's not fun for me like let me ask you how would you what would you rather would you rather go into something thinking oh this is gonna be really annoying like this is stressful like I just have to do this because I want to meet someone I have no choice but to be on the dating apps and have that like heavy, negative, like shitty vibe energy with you? Or would you rather go into something as just like, oh, this is going to be fun. Like this is a bit of an experiment. I wonder what it's going to be like. I've never done anything like this before. Let me just go on and see who I can meet and see what conversations I can have and see what kind of cool dates I can go on that's a much more exciting positive happier lighter energy to go into things with and when

you go into things with like that you also aren't then as concerned about what other people think so instead of going into dates with oh I wonder if they're gonna like me I wonder if we're gonna have a good time I wonder if this is gonna be the one I wonder if the connection is gonna be there in real life like it is over message instead of going in with expectations and putting pressure on what you want the date to be you just show up and go well no matter what I'm gonna have fun but it's down to you to make that mindset shift. It's down to you to stop telling yourself negative things and start telling yourself positive things. And that's not to say that you won't have negative experiences

when you're dating. Of course you will. But I do find that for the most part, the negative dating experiences always make for the best stories. Like when I think back to the dates that I've been on, I don't tell stories about the good dates I've had. All the stories I tell are about the terrible dates I had because they're the funny stories they're the ones where you're like oh my god I can't believe this happened to me it was so

shocking and they're so much more interesting than they're like oh we had a perfect time it was amazing kind of date aren't they so think about changing the way that you talk about dating the way that you think about dating the things that you tell yourself about dating think about shifting the way that you view things or the way that you want to view things because it really will make a difference to the whole dating experience and when you're more relaxed around dating that's when you're more likely to meet someone and to truly connect with someone and meet the one because you're not pinning expectations you've not got your hopes up you're not throwing yourself into something with so much energy and and hope pinned on this has to be that this has to work out the way that I've planned it in my mind because we all know how that goes that does

not work out well typically so yeah I think that's all that I wanted to say on that really um but I truly if you remember if you don't remember anything else remember this what you think you believe and what you believe becomes your reality start to change the things that you say to yourself I go into this in a lot more depth in the confidence course because the things that you say to yourself have a dramatic impact on all areas of your life. But for now, what you think you believe and what you believe becomes your reality. So stop telling yourself that men are trash, dating apps don't work, dating is hard. And start telling yourself that dating is so much fun,

dating apps are a great way to connect with people. And the right men are out there waiting for you to show up on the screen i'll see you in the next one thanks so much for listening to the date with confidence podcast i hope you've enjoyed this episode subscribe rate and review and share it with your single friends Thank you. you