The Date with Confidence Podcast - The Guaranteed Way to Be Single Forever

Starting point is 00:00:00 This is one of the most common patterns that I see in Facebook groups and to be honest I genuinely feel like this is the guaranteed way to keep yourself single forever. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been. With practical episodes that will provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date, alongside lighthearted catch-ups where your host Rebecca, that's me by the way, shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life, you are guaranteed to end

Starting point is 00:00:43 each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come and if it all falls to shit there's a special first season dedicated to breakups you are welcome my friend subscribe review and share with your single friends and not even keep yourself single like i believe that this is the genuine way to end up back in a shitty relationship with a shitty guy with the same shitty behaviors the same unhealthiness the same toxicity we have no control over the way that other people behave we can't control the men out there we can't decide how a man that we match with on a dating app is going to behave to us how he's going to treat us what his behavior is going to be like but we can

Starting point is 00:01:31 control our behavior we can take responsibility for our own behavior we can make some smarter smarter decisions. We can choose to do things that will improve our dating lives. Now this pattern that I see a lot in Facebook groups, it's mainly in Facebook groups because that's where a lot of the single people hang out that I know, or not even that I know, but I'm part of a lot of dating groups online. Because when I started started dating I wanted that sense of community I've spoke about this before I was like I wanted a space where I could go and feel confident and feel empowered and be like oh my god dating's so exciting and then I joined all these groups and it was all just like bullshit it was all bitchy and judgy and backstabby and they're not the vibe but I'm still part of them because I don't work anymore so I don't really get gossip anymore like I say I don't work I don't work in a

Starting point is 00:02:29 nine-to-five anymore so there's no like office gossip I don't see my friends as often as I'd like to so we don't gossip together as much I don't really gossip in general because I don't necessarily believe in gossiping anymore I think it's quite a toxic behavior but there's still that part of me that loves a little bit of gossip that loves to hear the shit that's been going down that loves to hear all the drama I don't involve myself in it but I like to hear it and sometimes some of these groups give me some inspiration for the podcast episodes I create for you and for the podcast episodes that I create for you and for the content I create for people because there are a lot of a lot of similarities so the pattern that I see the most the pattern that is going to keep you single forever or trapped in shitty relationships is hating men it's hating all men shitting on men bitching about men tarring every tarring every single

Starting point is 00:03:28 man with the same brush and I actually had a conversation with this about this with someone recently on a first date and it might have even been the guy that I'm seeing now I'm not sure I've had a lot of conversations about dating over the last few months. Might have been with him, might have been with someone else. I don't know. But this, this holding onto the idea that all men are arseholes. Now do not get me wrong. There are a lot of men that are arseholes. There are a lot of men that are arseholes there are a lot of women that are arseholes but we're not talking about women being arseholes it's about men specifically there are a lot of pricks out there and I have met my fair share of them but when you attach that narrative to every single man that you meet it is going to negatively impact the way that you

Starting point is 00:04:28 date because instead of going into the relation instead of going to the relationship oh let's slow the down there instead of going into a conversation with a new match with the excitement and the oh this could be someone new or the curiosity or I'm gonna get to know this person or even just the neutrality of okay it's a new match let's start this shit up again instead of going in with that more open energy you're going in with a chip on your shoulder you're going in with your back up already you're going in with a chip on your shoulder you're going in with your backup already you're going in already looking to find the problems before you've even discussed what your favorite pay is or what your favorite color is or where you what job you do whatever it is before you've even had a simple conversation and asked a couple of things about each other you're going into this

Starting point is 00:05:26 into it with this trying to slip him up believing that he's a dick before you've even had a conversation with him and when you do that when you go in with defensive mode tarving him with the same brush as your shitty ex it's not fair on him for a start i mean he could be a dickhead he could be but you won't know that until you get to know him but it's not fair on him it's not fair on that person to judge him before you've got to know him equally and this is the most important part because the fact of what's going on with him. We don't know him. It's not an issue. It is not fair on you. You are not giving yourself a chance to meet someone who will adore you,

Starting point is 00:06:13 who is a green flag, who will do anything for you, who is going to take you on those amazing dates that you deserve, who is going to be an embodiment of your vision of the perfect relationship. You're not giving yourself a chance to match with someone, to get to know someone, to co-create a beautiful relationship with someone when you are already going into it

Starting point is 00:06:36 with the assumption that he's going to fuck you around. It's not fair on him, it is not fair on you and it is the guaranteed way to be single forever or as I said to end up back in another shitty relationship. Now I understand and believe me when I say this, I truly understand that you have had some terrible experiences with men, I've had some fucking awful experiences with men but continuing to carry that and I'm not saying you need to forgive them, I'm not saying you need to forget it but loosening the grip around it can help. Carrying your past into your future and choosing to look at every single man as the same as your ex is going to stop you from finding the love that you deserve. You deserve that dream relationship that you go to bed wishing you had

Starting point is 00:07:34 every night. You deserve someone who is going to prioritise your needs, put you first, make you feel like a fucking queen. You deserve a team player, someone who takes you out on a date without you having to say oh I'd really like to go on a date, someone who texts you every morning to say good morning, someone who texts you random shit because they don't actually have anything to say to you but they just want to have a conversation with you anyway. This is something that I really want to encourage you to look at working on. It is difficult, it is a practice and it's not just when you're matching with people on apps, it's when you start dating someone and going on more than one date with someone. This is something that I still have to actively work on with the guy that I've been seeing for the past few months.

Starting point is 00:08:33 Because there are still moments where my past comes up, especially now that I'm connecting with someone, being more intimate with someone, getting to know someone in a different way than I have for years. There are things that are triggering and that come up that make me think of my past relationships. And I have to say to myself over and over and over again, he is not your ex. He is not your ex. I have to take this new person as he comes. Wait, that was good. Oh, get your head out of the butter. No, I have to, I have to allow him to show me who he is and I have to believe that that is who he really is. I need to compose myself because I'm just making myself laugh because I am filthy minded. I have to let this person show me who he is and I have to take him as someone completely new. I have to believe who he is showing me that he is because you would expect

Starting point is 00:09:34 the same thing. Can you imagine if you started dating a guy who had had a really shitty time with his exes or ex and he was treating you as if you had behaved the way that she had how would you feel if you had someone treating you badly because of the way that they'd been treated in the past you'd want them to give you a chance right i mean i feel like you'd probably be more understanding because we're women and we are typically more empathetic. So you'd probably be compassionate. But at the same time, you wouldn't feel like it's fair to be treated this way. You would want the chance for him to see you for who you are, not for who he thinks you are based on who his exes have been so let's let go of this

Starting point is 00:10:27 negative pattern start to change things if you want more help with this and you haven't heard the news already i have just launched something very exciting called loved up it's a confidence boosting membership that is going to help you let go of any insecurity build more self-trust get rid of any unhealthy patterns it is essentially we are going to work on whatever you need help working on okay i'm going to leave the information for loved up in the show notes so that you can go and find out all the details i wanted to create it as an alternative option to level up in love because i know i've heard from a lot of people that they would love to work deeply with me in level up in love but it's just not quite in within their budget at the moment so loved up has been born out of that so if that's

Starting point is 00:11:22 something that you want to work on then do let me know if you would like to contribute to the date with confidence podcast we have another community episode coming up in a couple of weeks so fill out that form go to datewithconfidencepodcast.com contribute share your ics share your dating tips give me all your horror stories when it comes to dating or if you have had a really amazing dating experience then I'd love to hear from you about that as well because it'd be really nice to inspire some hope in people um if you've got any questions for me you can go and ask me anything you want and if you've got a spare moment I would really really appreciate it if you could leave me a review

Starting point is 00:12:01 or rating wherever you're listening to this podcast because the more reviews we get left the more people we're going to reach if you are watching this on YouTube then like and subscribe thank you very much and I will see you in the next one thanks so much for listening to the Date With Confidence podcast I hope you've enjoyed this episode

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The Date with Confidence Podcast - The Guaranteed Way to Be Single Forever

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