The Date with Confidence Podcast - The 'Near Perfect' Date That Became a Hilarious Nightmare

Starting point is 00:00:00 Do I have a story for you today? I am gonna try and get through this without laughing too much, but I don't think that's gonna happen. And I wanted to share an experience I had recently on a first date. And I'm sure if it does nothing else, this story will make you feel better

Starting point is 00:00:21 about the dates that you are having. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support and stories that will either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been. With practical episodes that will provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date, alongside light-hearted catch-ups where your host Rebecca, that's me by the way, shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life. You are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles, empowered to never settle again

Starting point is 00:00:55 and confident that the best is yet to come. And if it all falls to shit there's a special first season dedicated to breakups, you are welcome my friend. Subscribe, review and share with your single friends. If you've listened to the Am I Delusional episode, you'll know that I'd been seeing someone for a few weeks, really liked him, thought it was going to go somewhere and then got the message to say changed his mind. Now a day after I got that message, or two days after I got that message, I got the message on the Wednesday and by the Friday I was like get me back on the apps I am not losing sleep over this guy I'm getting myself straight back on that horse because otherwise it's going to turn into a whole big thing that it doesn't need to be so I start chatting to a few people on the Friday on the

Starting point is 00:01:39 Sunday this guy that I've been chatting to messages me and says when are you free so I can take you on a date now first of all the way this message was worded was hot it was certain it was I'm gonna take you out this is what I want to do like when are you free so I can take you out it was very assertive and it was like a very for for me, it came across very confidently. There was no ambiguity. There was no, maybe we should get a drink. There was no, maybe we should meet in real life. It was, I want to take you out. And I liked that. I liked the assertiveness. So we talked for a few days and the following Thursday so this is seven days eight days after I get the message I'm going on this first day and I'm like great I spend a couple of hours getting

Starting point is 00:02:31 ready actually that's a lie I start getting ready on the Wednesday because I do all my fake town on Wednesday then on the I did I do my I think I did my fake town on the Tuesday actually do my fake town on the Tuesday get ready on the Thursday spend a couple of hours getting ready and this guy like we've been chatting back and forth for a week he seemed like a genuinely nice guy he was probably a bit more on the kind of like geeky nerdy side which my best friend is like you've got a date a nerd you've got a date a nerd I'm like I'm open to that I find geekiness very attractive so I'm like I'm open to this he's a nice guy he's got his shit together he's got an apartment he's got a good job like he is a man he's got his shit together this is going to be exciting I'm not going for any dickheads I'm just going for a genuinely nice guy well done me for stepping outside of my comfort zone so we're talking about

Starting point is 00:03:34 where we're going to go he plans the day he tells me what the plan and he says he's like right this is what we're going to do we're going to go to mini golf and then we're going to go to dinner I'm like oh my god great I love that you have organised all this. He says, why don't we meet at the station? We already know my feelings about meeting at the station. It is a massive thumbs up for me because then you can do the stroll to the venue where you're kind of breaking the ice a bit. You've not got the full on eye contact. You're getting to know them a little bit on the walk. absolutely perfect he tells me where to meet him i'm like i don't actually know where there is what exit do you mean so he goes on google street view screenshots where we're gonna meet and sends me the photo so that i'm not confused and like a

Starting point is 00:04:18 deer in headlights when i come out of the station bonus massive bonus he's asked me out in a nice way he sent me screenshots of the place we're gonna meet and he's organized the day like things are looking promising really promising but that is where it ended so I come out of the station see him he's standing where he told me he'd be standing and when I look bearing in mind it's a Thursday evening it's London it's busy I've spent two hours getting ready he stood there in jersey shorts as in like tracksuit bottom shorts a hoodie and a pair of trainers now I'm trying very hard not to be judgmental very hard and I'm like well maybe we can overlook this but at the same time I've spent a couple of hours getting ready I have made an

Starting point is 00:05:17 effort for this date that you wanted to take me on I've put in time and energy I bought a new top I look fucking good and you've shown up in a hoodie and trainers and I tried to try to take some deep breaths and just be like you know what give the guy the benefit of a doubt but give the guy the benefit of the doubt maybe that's just his style fine so we start walking to the venue and he's like oh I haven't booked it because I didn't think it'd be that busy we get there and it's rammed because it's a Thursday night and we're in London and everyone's just finished work which is fine we we managed to get into the golf anyway we get in straight away it's not a problem the golf thing was really cool and I really liked the idea of doing something like that as I'm sure I've said to you before I love it when you do you meet at the station you do an activity and then you go for dinner although having said that my dating preferences may be

Starting point is 00:06:17 changing because of this date because I feel like well you'll know why in a minute. So we're playing golf and we're kind of like, I'm in my like over enthusiastic. I'm going to have such a good time. I'm going to like put on a big smile. I'm going to be like cheery and positive and I'm on a date and this is exciting and I want to give a good impression. I'm making an effort and I win at mini golf because I'm brilliant no the course was like relatively easy it's like nine holes and it's actually quite small so you do move around quite quickly um and we were stuck behind a group of people that had just come out of work but they let us go in front and that was fine and we're kind of yeah we're playing the game it's fine but whilst I'm in there we also we then like end up behind another group of people that are obviously work colleagues and there's

Starting point is 00:07:13 this guy in a suit which suits anyway there's this guy in a suit and he can really fit and he keeps catching my eye and I keep catching his eye and And I'm like, this is not a good sign. Like I'm trying my hardest not to check out this other guy while I'm on the date with this one. I'm like, okay, this is bad. Part of me is like, I have to rein this in because it's really disrespectful to be checking out someone else. The other part of me is like, how can I get my number to this guy because he's really hot. And he's definitely more my type I ignore the suit guy we finish playing the game I win I'm over the moon then it's like okay where

Starting point is 00:07:55 are we gonna go to eat and he's like oh we could go around here we could go here let's go back to um it's a place called Italy I've not been there before I'd never heard of it I'd not been there before and he was like how can you love Italian food and never have heard of this place and I was like well let's go there then so we go and he's like it's a like supermarket but there's restaurants in there as well it's a weird little place but it's quite cool so we go in we find this little restaurant that's in there and I say like like, Oh, can we have a table for two, please, please. And the guy behind the counter goes, I can seat you at 815. And I'm like, Oh, like, what's the time? And he looks at his watch, looks at me and goes, Oh, and he just

Starting point is 00:08:39 shows the watch to me like holds the watch in front of my eyes. Rather than just saying like, this is really hard to explain on the podcast podcast but it was a really awkward moment rather than just be like oh it's 20 to 8 let's go somewhere else he goes hmm oh and just wafts his like wrist in front of my face so I'm like okay well like what does that mean like you want to go somewhere else and he's like yeah I think we're better so I'm like okay that's you want to go somewhere else? And he's like, yeah, I think we're better. So I'm like, okay, that's fine. We can go somewhere else. Let's go to Spitalfields. Let's go somewhere else. And we, and we walk a bit further. And as we're walking through the supermarket, he says, did you want to do any shopping while you're here? Like, is there anything, is there anything you want to get while we're here. Do you want to, do you want to pick some bits up? And I'm like, what? No, I'm fine.

Starting point is 00:09:28 I'm on a fucking date. I've spent two hours getting ready. I don't want to do supermarket shopping right now. Are you joking? But obviously don't say that because that's rude. And so I just go, no, like I'm fine. And he's like, like okay so we walk a bit further and we find the exact same restaurant in a different part of the place that we're in and that place has got three tables so I like I'm like oh should we just try here so we ask for a table for two get seated immediately the first thing he does when he sit down sits down is wobble the table and makes a comment about the fact that table's wobbly and I'm just like I can't be dealing with this like by this point I'm already kind of checked out because of the couple of

Starting point is 00:10:14 things the lack of a lack of effort made on his part in terms of what he's wearing just there's just a few things that I'm already like oh I don't think this is gonna go well we sit down at the table the table wobbles and I'm like oh I can't and then the waitress comes over and says can I get you some still water can I get you some sparkling water and he goes no we'll just have tap water and I'm like that's fine I drink tap water all the time I drink tap water with my friends I drink tap water all the time. I drink tap water with my friends. I drink tap water when I go out with my mum. Like I'm not opposed to tap water.

Starting point is 00:10:51 Other than when you're on a first date, I think you need to make a bit of an effort. Like you've told me you want to take me out. Make some effort. Try and impress me. Put on like your best show whatever and it's different if you order another drink and then you order tap water if you go oh I'll have a diet coke and can we get a jug of tap water for the table that's fine but you've ordered us a jug of tap water and I'm like okay let's not be stuck up about this like let's not be judgmental

Starting point is 00:11:26 but it was another ick for me and then the waitress comes over she pours the water and I'm like oh thank you so much and she's like can we like do you know what you want so we order our food I'm like thank you give the menus back thank you so much he doesn't acknowledge the waitstaff which is a massive deal to me I've worked in hospitality I've worked as a waitress I've worked as a bartender it is common decency to acknowledge the staff that are serving you even if I'm in the middle of the conversation with someone and a waiter or a waitress comes over and pours me a drink or tops my drink up or takes my plate or asks if I want anything else I look up and I acknowledge them even if I'm mid-conversation I'll be mid-sentence I'll be like oh thank you because that is the polite thing to do so that's kind of a bit annoying as well. So we sit down at the table

Starting point is 00:12:27 and it's not until we sit down that I notice something. All I can hear and see is sniffing, sniffing constantly. Like every 20 to 30 seconds it's sniffing. And when he's not sniffing sniffing constantly like every 20 to 30 seconds it's sniffing and when he's not sniffing he's playing with his nose he's playing with his nose he's picking his nose he's touching his nose he's sniffing and i can't handle it when people pick their nose it bothers me so much so much and so I'm trying to hold a conversation with him whilst maintain some eye contact because I'm I'm very good at having a conversation with someone I'm very good eye contact I'm very good at listening I can hold a conversation the conversation isn't flowing I mean it's flowing ish but I couldn't tell you what we talked about like that's how good the conversation was I have no idea what we even talked about like that's how good the conversation was I have no

Starting point is 00:13:25 idea what we even talked about because all I'm thinking is stop touching your fucking nose and then he touches it again and at this point there is a green bogey sat on the tip of it now I do not cannot deal with snot and bogeys I would rather deal with shit than bogeys and I have a two-year-old niece called Lily and I love her to death like I would do anything for her but I cannot handle her bogeys and this kid sneezes on me all the time she's weed on me she's pooed on my bedroom floor she's done a lot of stuff and I can cope with that but bogeys are not my thing let alone from a stranger that I am sat opposite on a first date about to eat some food. I could not handle it. I couldn't. By this point, all I'm thinking is, oh my god, I want to fucking heave. I can't handle it. And I can't even say to him, you've got something on your nose. Because to get the words out of me I want to gag I cannot talk about it it made me feel horrendous and then our meals get brought over so I've got pasta he's got a pizza our meals get brought over and then he goes

Starting point is 00:14:57 to the waiter and I'm not really like concentrating I'm just like I need to eat this food so I can like get up and leave and he goes to the waiter evidently orders a drink but I'm not aware that he's ordering a drink because I'm eating and then the waiter's like disappeared and then he goes to me oh I thought you would have ordered a drink then and I was like sorry what is that well I thought you would have ordered a drink I just ordered a drink and I was like well oh I like I didn't know that's what you were doing because normally if I was gonna order a drink if I was out with someone I'd order a drink and I'd go oh do you want anything do you want to order anything I would like check in with the person that I'm with and be like like what are you gonna get but that didn't happen it was just afterwards it was oh I thought you would have ordered a drink and I was like no I didn't didn't

Starting point is 00:15:49 know that was that was what was going on but fine and then we're talking as we're eating and he's using a knife and fork with his pizza which is fine I can't judge that because when I went on my first date with the delusional guy I ate my pizza with a knife and fork there but that was purely because I hadn't had any hand sanitizer and I hadn't washed my hands since I'd been on the tube or played the ping pong so I didn't want to get the germs there but this guy's eating pizza with a knife and fork and then cuts the crust off and comments on the fact that I've finished my dinner so much quicker than him. And so that's why he's not eating his crust because I've finished.

Starting point is 00:16:29 I don't, I don't, I didn't really get it. I didn't get it. And then the waitress is like, oh, like, do you want any dessert? And still like the acknowledgement for like when our plates are taken away, when our drinks are filled up. There's no acknowledgement. There's drinks are filled up there's no acknowledgement there's no thank you there's no smile there's no nod the the wait staff are not acknowledged and it pisses me off so then we say I'm like oh no I don't think I could do a dessert and I'm just gonna go to the toilet so I go to the toilet I get in there obviously check my phone because that's what you

Starting point is 00:17:05 do on dates and the girls have messaged me and one of my friends is like oh my god Vega's on a on a date she's not giving us a code word and all I can think is I need a fucking code word right now I go to the toilet and I realize it's literally been two hours and all I can think is how can I get home as quick as possible because I cannot handle this so I go back to the table and as we sat there he starts sniffing his wrists he starts sniffing his wrists and I think he says if you can smell clothes and I'm like what I'm not sorry he's like if you can smell cologne I'm like oh he's like well if you can smell cologne it's because I was um shopping and then this woman like sprayed it on me and I just keep smelling it and I don't wear cologne and it's just weird and I was like no like I can't smell anything but okay and then he just carries on sniffing his wrists and then I'm just

Starting point is 00:18:16 like I can't I just can't handle it I can't handle it and so we do like a little bit of small talk and then I'm like well I've got such a busy day tomorrow and I haven't slept properly and I really need to get an early night and then he's like oh should we get the bill I'm like yeah I think we should I think we should get the bill so I asked the lady for the bill she brings it over to us I'm like oh thank you very much she puts it kind of it's in the middle but it's probably a little bit more to more to him and then the bill's on a clipboard it's on a little wooden clipboard and he gets the clipboard in front of him and he starts to push it backwards and forwards across the table and he's like oh oh oh now now's the test like who's gonna get the bill what are we gonna do about the bill and in my mind I'm like you've asked me out on a date you've told me you want to take me out

Starting point is 00:19:13 I assume that you want that you want to take me out means you want to pay for our date but it's fine and I know that I'm never gonna see this guy again so I'm like well we'll split it like let's let's split it in half like that's fine and he's like oh well I did get the golf I did pay for the mini golf so I'm like oh I mean I can get it I'm like I'll get it I'll just pay for it all then like I am I can get it bearing in mind the mini golf was like 25 quid and this is like 40 plus quid dinner but let's not worry about prices because it doesn't matter so I'm just like well I like I'll get dinner it's fine and he's like oh no no I didn't mean that like I'm happy to pay for the golf like I suggested it

Starting point is 00:20:03 and I'm thinking well you suggested the whole fucking date. So I assumed you were going to pay for the whole lot, but it's fine. Let's split the bill. So I'm like, let's just split it in half. Like, don't worry about it. Just whatever. We will split it in half. That's fine. And he's like, oh, we'll do the modern thing. So waitress comes over, pay the bill. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. As we're leaving, thank you very much to everyone. Me, obviously he continues he continues I mean he's behind me at this point I'm like I need to run as quick as I can and then we get to the get to the escalator as we're leaving and I have obviously rushed ahead so he's about three steps above me on the escalator and I'm like I can't just stand with my back to him because that's fucking rude so I turn around to talk to him and then all I can

Starting point is 00:20:43 think is oh my christ all I can see is up his fucking nose. He's still sniffing. He's still touching his nose. I cannot handle this. And I'm like, why? Like, if you know that you're feeling a bit snotty or you've got the urge to play with your nose, make your excuses. Be like, I'm just going to pop pop to the toilet go to the toilet sort your nose out come back no that that not what we do so thank god the station was like really close it was just like a few minutes away like probably less than so he comments on the speed of my walking as I'm walking away I'm like oh this is actually really slow for me I get to the station and I'm like well I'm gonna have to fucking hug him aren't I because I hugged him on the way here I can't just not hug him now and the whole time I'm like I better not have a fucking bogey on station and I'm like, well, I'm gonna have to fucking hug him, aren't I? Because I hugged him on the way here. I can't just not hug him now. And the whole time I'm like, I better not have a fucking bogey on me when I'm finished hugging him. Oh my God, I can't. So I like give him like

Starting point is 00:21:34 the quickest of hugs and I'm like, okay, well have a nice evening. I'll text you when I get home. And I literally turn and run. Cause I'm just like, I can't, I'm just not here for making small talk or even and giving you an inkling that we might kiss or anything like that I'm like I'm gone I'm done I checked out and out probably like 20 minutes into the date I probably checked out but I wanted to give it time time as I said he was a nice guy but he was not for me for many reasons and it's really hard because I do feel like he is a nice guy and I don't want to be a dick by obviously talking in detail about how bad this date was but at the same time like make an effort like make an effort on the date and and here's the thing like I won't be the best date for everyone when I've gone out I'm sure that I've been on dates where someone hasn't been impressed with me although thinking back to the dates that

Starting point is 00:22:36 I've had I don't think that's actually the case but there will be occasions where we go on a first date and the guy is just not impressed with me at all and that is absolutely fine there will be someone out there for him that can accept sniffing and hoodies and picking his nose at the dinner table there will be somewhere out someone out there that hasn't got the standards that I have got and that's fine but this was just not for me so I get on the train I get on the train and at this point I've got 54 missed messages from the group chat because I've been away for two hours so the group chat is popping off and the girls are like how was the date and I'm like well I needed a fucking code word and I was like oh it was fine he was nice enough but convo felt boring didn't really flow he sniffed constantly picked his nose a bit ordered

Starting point is 00:23:30 tap water and asked what we were going to do about the bill and he had he had shorts trainers and a hoodie on I feel like it was a waste of an outfit I looked good today and then they were like I mean I said to them like it was a bit annoying because I'd kind of gone on this date thinking it's okay because the guy that I spoke the delusional guy that I spoke to before that I've been seeing for a couple of weeks I was like it's fine there are other guys out there that want to date me this is going to be a good day I'm going to go I'm going to have a nice time it's going to take my mind off of this other guy just to almost be like there are plenty more fish in the sea I don't need to worry about it but I was like do you know what it actually sucked because I was really hoping that the date would

Starting point is 00:24:14 be good enough to forget about the other good days that I had but it kind of highlighted how good my previous dates were which is fine because I feel like now I've had bad dates and because I had those really good dates with a delusional guy I feel like I'm not gonna let my standards drop below that again which I think is needed like I've been single for four years I've just got back into the dating game I need to date a lot of different people I need to experience a lot of different dates to work out what's a good date what's a bad date what I enjoy and at the end of the day no date is a bad date because it's content for you guys so you get to hear something funny at least but it wasn't for me and I went home that night

Starting point is 00:24:59 uh started chatting to a couple of other guys and I've got another date on Tuesday I've got actually I've got two dates this week I've got one on Tuesday with a guy who I don't actually know a lot about we've not really spoken he just asked me out and I was like yeah great I would much rather do this because then we can chat in person and then another guy who I feel like is I don't know the conversations that we were having on Thursday were a bit more flirty. And for me, they were a bit more alarm bells. This is a fuck guy, fuck boy kind of conversations, which I'm here for, you know, I'm here for it. I'm having fun. I don't need Mr. Right at the moment. I'm very content with finding Mr. Right now.

Starting point is 00:25:45 That will not be a problem. And I think I'm seeing him at the end of the week. So there is still fish out there. Got to kiss a lot of frogs, I suppose. But that was my date. That was my date. So yeah, I wish the guy all the best. Oh, and I should probably tell you what happened afterwards.

Starting point is 00:26:13 So then I get home and when I get home I've got a message from him saying I'm home thank you for a near perfect date let me see what the message said hope you got home okay I just did thank you for a near perfect evening minus points for me losing at mini golf but plus points for you looking so happy about it and then I saw that message and was like oh my god I'm such an arsehole because that was a really sweet thing to say and all I've been like is get me the fuck home and I was just like I'm home sorry about your loss thanks for a good evening and then he messaged me back again and I ignored it because I went to bed and I'd already said like the next day I had a really packed day with my mum like we were getting up early we were going to London we had a full schedule planned

Starting point is 00:26:48 so I didn't reply to him in the morning and I was also like I need to let this guy down sooner rather than later although having said that at this point he hadn't asked me out on another date or anything we hadn't discussed having another date so I also didn't really know where he stood but I was like I need to let him down sooner rather than later but also I'm not going to do it in a rush as I'm trying to leave the house so I get a message from him on the Friday afternoon and ignore it for a few hours because as I said I'm out with my mum and then I'm just like I'm still out how's your day been um and then by the time I get home that evening I've got a migraine so I'm just like, I'm still out. How's your day been? And then by the time I get home that evening,

Starting point is 00:27:25 I've got a migraine. So I'm like, I just have to go to bed. Obviously messaged me back and I don't reply until Saturday morning. And I just messaged and was like, got a migraine, went straight home to bed. And then I was like, I've been reflecting on our date and whilst I had a good time.

Starting point is 00:27:40 And I had to say this, didn't I? I couldn't be like, I had a shit time. You were a bad date. Like, that's rude. I still want to be nice about it. So I was like, I've been reflecting on our date and whilst I had a good time, I don't feel like there's a connection on my side. I don't want to mislead you or waste either of our time. All the best for the future. Because that's the kind thing to do. And then his response made me feel bad because he was like, I'm sorry to hear that. I would have loved some more time to get to know you but how you feel is how you feel I wish you all the best

Starting point is 00:28:07 which was a very sweet response and I appreciate the nice response um but yeah that was that now I've got other dates lined up so it's all fun and games it's all fun and games I'm really enjoying this um steady flow of dating although I feel like I can only really handle like two people at a time like two maybe I could chuck in a third but when it comes to like conversing I'm not really I'm not really into speaking a lot I'd much rather just meet someone so when like the guy I'm seeing tomorrow when he's just like we must have had like less than 10 messages between each other like I don't know when he's just like we must have had like less than 10 messages between each other like I don't know what he does well actually no maybe he told me what he does I

Starting point is 00:28:49 can't remember but I don't know really anything about him I know he's got dogs in his profile which everyone loves the dog right um I don't yeah I really don't know much about him but he was like pretty quickly like should we meet for some drinks like maybe we should meet for drinks I'm like yeah okay cool like that's that's nice I'd rather do that because I don't want to waste my time and energy kind of a bit like how like Thursday's date like nose-picking guy we had talked a lot in the week leading up to that date so we'd been back and forth a lot we'd had long messages we'd been talking like pretty consistently but then the date was shit so it was like what was the point of me putting all that effort into those messages in the like beforehand so yeah I'd much rather just go on

Starting point is 00:29:36 a date so that was that date for you I hope that this made you laugh in some ways. And I would love to hear your dating stories, whether you've got an amazing date story where it was like the best day of your life, whether you've got a shit date story like the one that I've just shared. Tell me your biggest icks. Tell me your red flags. Share anything with me.

Starting point is 00:30:00 If you go to datewithconfidencepodcast.com slash contribute, you've got a form there that you can fill out. You can do it anonymously. So you don't have to leave your name if you don to datewithconfidencepodcast.com contribute you've got a form there that you can fill out you can do it anonymously so you don't have to leave your name if you don't want to but I would love to hear from you because I really want to build more of a community around this podcast and to do that I need you dear friend to write in with your own stories so I hope you enjoyed this don't forget to check the show notes for resources thanks so much for listening and I'll see you in the next one thanks so much for listening

Starting point is 00:30:30 to the date with confidence podcast I hope you've enjoyed this episode subscribe rate and review and share it with your single friends Thank you. you

The Date with Confidence Podcast - The 'Near Perfect' Date That Became a Hilarious Nightmare

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