The Date with Confidence Podcast - We Need to Talk

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

EPISODE 52: We Need to TalkThere's some things we need to catch up about....Resources Mentioned:Manifest The OneThe 9 Red Flags You Need to Stop Ignoring ImmediatelyHeal Your Heart: Powerful Journalling for Breakup Grief The reel I was talking aboutGet Involved!You can contribute your stories to the Date with Confidence Podcast here. Share your best or worst dating stories, your biggest icks, dating tips you think everyone should know or ask me anything about my dating life or a burning question you need an answer for.  ResourcesThe 9 Red Flags You Need to Stop Ignoring ImmediatelyThe Dating DebriefAttract on the AppsLoved UpLevel Up In LoveThe Breakup Bounce BackThe Confidence KitThe Confidence CourseVisit The Date with Confidence website here. Subscribe to our YouTube channel.Follow The Date with Confidence Podcast on Instagram + follow your host Rebecca Hawkes here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

we need to talk and no not about the fact that you didn't get an episode last week welcome to the date with confidence podcast a place to come for dating advice support and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been with practical episodes that'll provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident af on your next date alongside light-hearted catch-ups where your host rebecca that's me by the way shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life you are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come and if it all falls

to shit there's a special first season dedicated to breakups you are welcome my friend subscribe review and share with your single friends hi welcome back to the day of confidence podcast if you're new here hello welcome to the family if you've been here for a while then it is nice to catch up with you again i'm sorry that you didn't get an episode last week as you can probably tell from my voice i'm recovering from some kind of cold bug thing that I got from my niece and nephew thank you very much guys so I didn't I did have every intention to share an episode or two last week but with illness and other stuff going on it just didn't happen so apologies but we are back and I've got some news I have got some news that you probably weren't expecting based on what I've shared in the podcast over the last couple of months but a couple of weeks ago

I ended things with the guy that I had been seeing since January for for a few reasons so I thought I thought I'd share a little bit more about that um because I shared it on my Instagram on a I've got a brand new Instagram account that I shared it on and the men are going wild like I've never received so much hate you know my life for making such a smart decision um which is hilarious but the reality was our our values didn't matter not not so much our values but our visions for the life that we want to lead just didn't match up and obviously he was a but our visions for the life that we want to lead just didn't match up and obviously he was a nice guy he treated me really well we had a great time together there were a few things over the like towards the last couple of weeks I mean we hadn't

seen each other for a month and then we had a really lovely weekend together and then I went back down the following weekend and during that weekend there were a few things that just felt different um so I don't know what had gone on there something something shifted something felt different something felt a bit off but there was also this we've had obviously a lot a lot of conversations about the future about the way that we live our lives the things that we want to achieve when we first started talking before we'd even gone on a date um we talked about kids and and I'd been a bit like I think I want them but only with the right person like I'm not willing to just have kids with anyone I very much want a teammate and then yes I think I do and he was like same like if it was with the right person then I think I would but a few of the um a few of the

conversations we had during our time together things like his previous relationship ended because his ex wanted kids and he definitely didn't want kids and I was like oh but I thought you said that you were open to kids and he was like well it's not a hard no anymore but it's not something that he actually wants really not in the way that I've discovered that I like kids are an absolute yes for me now and I think it's taken like this experience of dating a decent human being to know that I definitely want kids because there are decent men out there who would be a team player um if I had kids and a few times we'd had conversations where he was like I don't want to bring kids into this world what with all the war and all the like bad things going on and I'm getting old like I don't want to

die and then leave my kid and it was just they were obviously something that he was not into um the way that we wanted to live our lives so I like where I am at the moment I'm a 10 minute drive from my grandparents I'm a 20 minute drive from my brother and sister-in-laws and the kids I'm 20 minutes into well actually if I get a fast train I'm like nine minutes to Stratford like 30 minutes 40 minutes to central London um I'm close to a lot of things whether that be airports or like being able to get the train into London to then get the train out to go and visit my friends in Kent and Stratford-upon-Avon like I like being this well connected there's a bus stop at the end of the road the train station's a 30 minute walk away I've got multiple different tube lines that I could get on to be well connected. I like being this close to my family. I see my

grandparents two, three, four times a week. I watch the kids at least once a week, sometimes two, three, four times. I have a very family orientated life where I am and he's vision for his life is very much live in the countryside doesn't want to be in a busy town wants to move further out wants a small house he was like a three-bedroom house would be his absolute maximum even then it might be too big I'm like no that's not for me I'd like maybe four or five bedrooms because I would like a place where my friends can come and stay for the weekends where we can host their families um which has been interpreted in the reel that I shared on Instagram has been interpreted into me wanting to have a party lifestyle and be a socialite which is not the case at all I just mean like

my closest friends the majority of my closest friends all live hours away from me because I met them when I was traveling the world so I want a home where my friends can come and stay for long weekends where we can get up in the morning and cook breakfast together where our kids can play together like that's the kind of lifestyle I want he doesn't want that at all he doesn't like want, he doesn't want that at all, he doesn't like socialising, he doesn't want people to come and stay with him, he's not big into like family gatherings and, and that's all okay, like there's nothing wrong with that, that's, there's nothing wrong with that being the life that he wants, but it is not the life that I want and it just very much felt like we have different, we have very different views on things like i am some have now called me

delusional in the life that i want to live i am okay with that like me and my delusional beliefs have come a very long way if it wasn't for the delusional beliefs that i have i wouldn't have achieved half of what i've achieved in my life i have these grand dreams for my life and I am not willing to sacrifice them or compromise on them for anyone. Like I'm not because I am very strong in the belief that my person is also going to have some big audacious goals, is also going to be a dreamer, is also going to want to strive to live an extraordinary life. I believe that my person is going to be open to compromising with me just as I will be open to compromising with them but I'm not willing to sacrifice the biggest things I want, one of those obviously being kids. Like yes I can live anywhere in the world,

if I am with someone who I am truly head over heels in love with who shares the same values as me who is striving to create the same type of lifestyle as me I have got no qualms with moving away where I am at this point in my life I want to be close to my family and I'm not willing to give up this life that I've created for myself for someone whose vision is just completely different. And I don't need to justify this. I'm just trying to explain it. I'm not justifying my decisions. I am very strong and confident in my decision.

And I know that it was absolutely 100% the right decision for me. And it was the right decision for me and it was the right decision for him because if I had continued to date him feelings would have got more involved he would have had to sacrifice part of his life or I would have had to sacrifice part of my life then resentment would build and then we would get to the point where we were both miserable. Like, why is that fair? So either I force him to have kids that he's not that sure he wants, in which case it is going to massively, massively impact the children's lives, which I don't think anyone in the comments on that reel gave a fuck about, but it would be detrimental to the children's lives,

knowing that they were not even knowing like you can feel when your parents are irritated by you you can feel when your parents resent you if they're not telling you you can feel when your parents are irritated by you I don't want my kids to be to come into a world where that is the case I want my kids to come from two parents who are very decisive in this is what we want we are going to do this together we are going to raise these kids that we desperately want and that we are desperately going to love unconditionally that's the environment I want for my life so yeah they were that was kind of the main the main thing there were a few other things that I don't I don't need to get into on here because I don't necessarily think it's fair um but we just

weren't right for each other and that's like that's what it is like we weren't we weren't right for each other and saying that as well like Lily and Harry my niece and nephew are like so important to me I wouldn't have been able to have them come and stay with us because of his dog his dog doesn't do well with children so I'd never be able to have my um niece and nephew come and stay with me I wouldn't necessarily trust the dog around my own children so it's just yeah it is what it is and now that puts me in this place where I've had this experience with a decent guy so I've got the proof and I've got the evidence that there are kind thoughtful emotionally mature good at communicating guys out there.

And if there's one, there's going to be plenty others. So I've now got that on my like, proof list that what I'm looking for does exist. And what my responsibility is now is to go back to my vision board, go back to the dream relationship I'm looking to manifest, go back to my vision board, go back to the dream relationship I'm looking to manifest, go back to my standards, go back to my expectations list and tighten that all up again. So get crystal clear on the good parts of this relationship, the bad parts of this relationship and really dial in even more what I'm looking to create with someone, what I'm looking to build with someone, the type of person that I'm looking to connect with, so that I can start to manifest that person into my reality. Now I've done these practices many times. The first time I wrote my wish list

was when I was, I think I was 19, and it was quite a short list it was essentially like tall dark handsome rich good car more of the materialistic things because at 19 like I wasn't writing like he needs to be emotionally mature he's got a good knowledge of the love languages like I didn't know about those things they weren't important to me so it was a more materialistic list wrote that list got everything I asked for he broke my fucking heart so but but what what that experience allowed me to do was then get even tighter on what I wanted so the next time I wrote the list I was even more specific around what I wanted which then led to another relationship that ended and then I was able to take the bad things from that

relationship and get even clearer on my vision again and again and again and it's just about refining what you're looking for because when you haven't had these experiences whether they're positive or negative when you haven't had those experiences how can you know exactly what you want your dream person to look like or your dream person, your dream relationship to look like, your dream person to be like? You can't know that until you've experienced other relationships, right? So now I'm even clearer on my standards. I'm even clearer on my expectations. I know what I absolutely want. I know what to walk away from. I know what I want to now put in my dating profile

when I go to update that because I'm going to be back on the dating apps at some point. I'm not ready to do it just yet, but I'm gonna do it again at some point. And that energy that I'm then putting out there is going to attract and magnetize the right one to me. And it is gonna repel anyone who does not fit my vision

for the most part I mean there'll probably be a few people that get through but that's just that's just how it works because this is where I'm at again like back to my manifestation practices back to getting clarity on what I want back to raising my relationship standards I wanted to do something for you so that you could join me on this journey so that you can understand all the practices that I put in place when it comes to me deciding to manifest a relationship again so I'm definitely ready for a relationship now I know that about myself having been through this experience with this guy that I've been seeing and yeah I want to take you along for the ride I want to share with you everything that I do

um in a way that is fun and expansive and exciting and really opens up your mind and open up opens up your heart to you finding love as well so from next monday the 13th of may i am running manifest the one which is a 10-day program designed to help you raise your relationship standards decide what you want and magnetically attract the one to you so as well as gaining the clarity around what you want we're also going to be really diving into building the belief that it's possible for you to have everything that you desire in a partner. We're going to be letting go of any bullshit beliefs that you have, connecting with your future spouse and looking at how you can become more magnetic to the one so that you can attract them into your life. Now this is going to be run live live so the first time I run it is going to be

run completely live as I said we start on Monday the 13th of May it's going to be run via an app called telegram which is a bit like whatsapp but it's all going to be in voice note format so you don't need to worry about getting there for any calls you don't need to worry about having to spend an hour of your day every week or an hour hour every day during that those 10 days to make sure that you're catching up on videos or what or modules or whatever it's going to be done in voice note format so it's going to be really easy for you to consume on the go for you to listen to for you to then go away and implement what i'm sharing in the lessons and you're going to have lifetime access to it so once I've run it live that's then going to be turned into a self-paced course but when it becomes a self-paced course the price is going to

be going up so for the moment for the next I think it's 24 hours you can save 50% on the program and then from tomorrow it was going to be today but I'm going to extend it till tomorrow for you that's that's listening um until tomorrow um yeah you can say 50 tomorrow it's gonna double to 88 pound which is the full price until it becomes a self-paced thing and then the price will increase again once it has run live so get yourself signed up if you are looking to really be inspired and motivated and become hopeful again about finding the love that you deserve this is going to be a really as i said expansive exciting program i cannot wait to deliver it because i haven't done like done um one like this for a very long time it's been a long time since i've run like a short program like this for a very long time. It's been a long time since I've run like a short program like this. It is gonna be so much fun. I'm really excited for the people

that have already signed up. So go sign up for that now via the show notes. And then before I leave, one thing that I did wanna say, just to let you know, is in May, I am gonna be just sharing one episode a week again because my May is really fucking busy

so tomorrow I'm going away for a couple of days with two of my friends and then next week I've got a lot going on obviously we've got the manifest the one manifest the one program starting the week after that I'm in London filming some video content for my YouTube channel and yeah I've just got lots going on this month so there's just going to be one episode a month for May we're going to see how we're doing in June maybe that'll stick maybe we'll come back to two but for now it's going to go back to one on well next week's episode is due to be the community episode so if you have got questions that you would like to ask if you want to share

some dating stories if you are struggling with anything in your dating life at the moment if you're going through a breakup whatever it is go to datewithconfidencepodcast.com contribute and share with me whatever it is you want me to talk about in next week's episode please go and do that now we haven't had that many submissions this month so it'd be really nice if you could send us something in so that I can create that community episode for you aside from that I oh two other things actually I recently created two brand new freebies for you so the nine red flags you need to stop ignoring immediately and heal your heart which is all about healing your heart after heartbreak so it's going through the five stages of breakup grief and there's journal prompts in there that are really going to support you through that so you can also check those out in the show

notes as well I'm going to leave that here for now I basically just wanted to catch up and share the news about me being very single again so I hope you're all doing well and next week I will come back and hopefully not be feeling so rough I will yeah have a great week I will see you in the next one thanks so much for listening to the date with confidence podcast I hope you've enjoyed this episode subscribe rate and review and share it with your single friends Thank you. you