The Date with Confidence Podcast - You Fall For Potential, Not Proven Consistency: ChatGPT's Brutal Dating Advice

Starting point is 00:00:00 Chat GPT is being brutal today. I've asked her to be brutally honest based on a prompt that I got in an email from someone called Gala Darling. I'm on her mailing list and she sent like a newsletter the other day with three or maybe it was four prompts to ask Chat GPT. Just to have a little play around and you know me, I love a Chat GPT prompt. I love to ask chat GPT to get involved in my life. I like to use her to help me write my future story, I've helped her to manifest my soul mate in the past, I've used her to get over things like I use her in my business to do the show notes for this podcast because otherwise it would take me forever. But I really liked this prompt although I was a little bit apprehensive about what she threw up. So I'm gonna talk to you about what she said about my blind spots when it comes to dating and I'll share the

Starting point is 00:00:52 prompt with you so you can go and do this yourself. This will typically work if you are somebody that uses chatgbt regularly because she knows a lot about me now. Are you ready? For the honesty. Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support, and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Starting point is 00:01:16 With practical episodes that'll provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date. Alongside lighthearted catch ups where your host Rebecca, that's me by the way, shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life. You are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles, empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come. And if it all falls to

Starting point is 00:01:40 shit there's a special first season dedicated to breakups, you are welcome my friend. Subscribe, review and share with your single friends. This is the prompt that I shared to JTBT. Based on what I've told you about my dating life and what you've learned from the Date with Confidence podcast transcripts, tell me what my blind spots are in romance. If I want the man that meets my standards and a fairy tale romance, what could I do differently to get that result? Be brutally honest. As someone with rejection sensitivity dysphoria, I don't know if asking her to be brutally honest was a good idea, but we are gonna suck it up, we are gonna take on board

Starting point is 00:02:20 what is being said and we'll see whether I agree with what she said. So, oh Becca, you're so ready for this level of truth and I love that you asked for brutal honesty because that's where real transformation happens. Based on everything I know about you, your dating history, Venus and Capricorn, your podcast episodes and your standards, here are your romantic blind spots and exactly what you need to shift to call in the man you actually want. Are we ready? Your top blind spots in romance and then is that like you know the alarm emoji where it's like the big red flashing alarm emoji? That's what's there. So one, you fall for potential not proven consistency. I thought that I'd outgrown this.

Starting point is 00:03:08 I thought I was over the falling for potential, but evidently not the case. You're incredibly intuitive, optimistic and growth-minded. That's beautiful, but it makes you see what someone could become, not what they're actually doing now, which is why I stayed with so many of my exes for so long. You're attracted to emotionally intelligent ideas of men. The potential for depth, healing, ambition and love but sometimes the reality doesn't match. Brutal truth. You've ignored yellow and red flags because you thought, but he's done some work and I see his heart. This is how high standard women accidentally waste years or low effort men with a good story. Oh it's funny because it's

Starting point is 00:03:59 true. It is hilarious because it's true. Fix this. Only reward actions not potential. If he says all the right things but isn't consistent emotionally available and showing up he's not it no matter how good the chemistry or late night convos are. I feel like, do you know what I think is gonna be a massive test is when I actually have really good chemistry with someone because it has been so long since the chemistry side of things has been there for me. A lot of the people that I've dated I've just haven't had that chemistry like I'm used to having or like I perhaps had when I was in my 20s.

Starting point is 00:04:43 I haven't had that level of like flirting and you know when you just have that like instant almost like you're so attracted to someone but you can't put your like can't put your finger on exactly what it is but just that like passionate chemistry I haven't I haven't had that and it will be so interesting when I do have that how I respond whether I will actually fall back into those past patterns of being so obsessed with the chemistry that I ignore with red flags because at the moment I just yeah just haven't experienced that so I need to stop focusing on potential and focus more on

Starting point is 00:05:23 what they're showing which I feel like a lot of us like a lot of us can benefit from that as well. So my second blind spot when it comes to romance, your independence turns into over functioning. Venus and Capricorn plus being a coat plus being blindsided equals you're used to being the one who holds things together. You're wise, grounded, and emotionally literate, but that can lead to you taking responsibility for the connection.

Starting point is 00:05:54 Okay. You being emotionally available for both of you. You being the strong one, even when you're craving softness. I feel like this is this is like pretty accurate because I do feel like I very much do take a lot of the responsibility and a lot of the... like I do I do... I also feel like I'm the one that puts in all the effort or the majority of the effort in terms of like the way that I show up for people in the amount of effort that I make. I've talked about this before a couple of episodes back

Starting point is 00:06:30 about being the one that's always putting in so much effort and never feel like I'm really receiving that and I wonder if I've just kind of gone too far of like putting in too much effort. Brutal truth, you say you want to receive, but unconsciously you pick men who need your strength. This keeps you in control but also emotionally starving. That's so interesting, you pick men who need your strength. I feel like I'm reflecting back on all the people that I've dated, that I've been on more than two dates with. That's so accurate. I feel like I've always been the... not the

Starting point is 00:07:13 strongest but I feel like I always tend to date people who are not as confident as me, who aren't as self-assured, who don't necessarily know what they want, who don't have that confidence in who they are, who perhaps need a bit more support and like emotional support maybe. And because I love being the emotional support giver, I don't know if I necessarily receive it in the way that I give it and I really want someone who can hold me from an emotional perspective in the same way that I can hold them. I really hope you can't hear that helicopter. So then she says fix this. Practice staying soft, practice not fixing, not being the emotionally mature one in every conversation and letting a man earn your vulnerability, that it feel risky, that's

Starting point is 00:08:10 where the fairy tale lives. Oh that's so true, I think I'm so good at being vulnerable, I'm a bit of an oversharer which I think comes from the ADHD, I also really crave like deep emotional connections and I feel like the way that I build those connections is by being vulnerable and I mean you've heard me like I'm always vulnerable on the podcast I'm vulnerable in the other content I create my YouTube channel I'm vulnerable with strangers and I'm also very vulnerable with people that I meet quite quickly because I am just not interested in kind of surface level chit chat so I feel like that vulnerability builds those deep connections and allows us to have

Starting point is 00:08:54 deep conversations however it's very interesting the whole letting a man earn your vulnerability I don't know how like how to do that how I don't know how like how to do that, like how I don't know that's really interesting and not being the emotionally mature one it would be nice to like to receive that to be the one that goes to the conversation vulnerably and then has that like emotional understanding and like receives that listening and that space being held kind of thing because I don't feel like I get that often so okay interesting then the third blind spot this one's bullshit This one makes me a massive fucking hypocrite. You intellectually know your standards but emotionally second-guess them. After all that

Starting point is 00:09:54 I've talked about in terms of like having your standards list, having your expectations, not settling, this feels like a bit of a slap in the face. Not gonna lie, you've done the inner work, you know what you want, you've made your list, your non-negotiables, your high-value vision, but when real-world dating triggers your abandonment wound you sometimes talk yourself into staying open just in case, confuse a breadcrumb with a sign from the universe, over explain your standards hoping they'll get it eventually. Yeah, okay, I can see where this is true because I feel like in the last dating experience

Starting point is 00:10:31 I had, a lot of the time I was like, oh these things are really good and this is great and oh look at this good thing that's happened when reflecting back on it once I was out of it, I was like actually that was very like bare minimum like I was getting excited over bare minimum things that should just be a natural standard and again a bit confused with what was with what I desired and deserved to receive versus what was actually being shared I suppose or like what was actually happening in terms of like the effort of like traveling for example like I was the one putting in all the effort but in

Starting point is 00:11:15 my head I was just like oh well he's planned a date like that's his effort except the plans were the majority of the time like pretty much all the time that close to where he was kind of thing. Brutal truth, you're still learning to fully trust that you can want what you want without justification. That the right man won't need you to explain why emotional availability matters. You're still unhooking from the cool girl who tolerates too much. Yeah I think that's very true. I also had a comment recently

Starting point is 00:11:46 left on one of my videos on YouTube about one of the Date with Confidence podcast videos on YouTube and he was saying that something along the lines of men in their 40s don't want to guess, you need to tell them what you want kind of thing and I have zero interest in having to explain to a man what I desire and there's a big difference between being in a relationship with someone and requiring something versus dating someone who just doesn't understand how to date a woman or doesn't understand like the sheer basics and they're like bare minimum I don't want to have to tell a man that I like him to plan a date or not to wear shorts when we're going to like fancy restaurant or like do you know what I mean like I

Starting point is 00:12:40 shouldn't have to over explain to a man what I desire because if you're dating in your 40s you should have enough dating experience to know what is expected of someone in a relationship right you can do that research yourself I don't need to tell you that like why desire I just don't... there's obviously individual things that people desire and there's also the basics when it comes to dating and I feel like men in their 40s don't need to be told because they're not little boys that are dating for the first time. They're grown men, they should know how to behave when it comes to dating someone and when it comes to being in a relationship with

Starting point is 00:13:24 someone. So fix this, stop doubting your desires just because they haven't been met yet. Rejection is redirection, let high standards weed people out, that's the whole point. I do feel like I'm getting better at this, I do feel like I'm getting more comfortable with like letting go of people who don't match my standards or like not trying to pursue people that don't match my standards like if I've matched with someone on a dating app and the chat is just shit and they're not asking me questions I'm just gonna let that go like that's a standard to me like you

Starting point is 00:13:58 make conversation you ask me questions as I am asking you questions you don't just reply with one sentence, like with one sentence. I'm not gonna put the effort in if you can't even be putting the effort in to have a conversation. So in terms of those standards I'm kind of letting them weed people out and I'm trying so much harder to just really show up as me in terms of like on my dating profile and on the dates especially when I talk about business and ambition and what I want to achieve in my life and the stuff that I do regularly I'm being a lot more

Starting point is 00:14:35 confident in those things like actually telling people about that because I used to always be quite shy about what I do for work and about like working for myself because I never know how that was gonna be received and now I just don't care because if someone's not on that level then they're not my person anyway. So the fourth blind spot, the final one, you crave mystery but sometimes confuse it with connection. Being Sagittarius means you're drawn to freedom, wildness and depth. You want someone who feels bigger than life with stories, fire and passion. That's amazing but it can trip you up when you romanticise someone

Starting point is 00:15:11 who's emotionally inconsistent but intriguing. You mistake emotional unavailability for magnetic tension. You feel most turned on by men who aren't fully available. Brutal truth, your nervous system still finds a subtle thrill in unpredictability, which feels like passion, but often isn't. I've said this before, I loved a chase in my 20s, and I don't know whether I've fully grown out of that. I like a bit of a challenge, I like a bit of excitement. However, I did also really enjoy the certainty and the

Starting point is 00:15:49 predictability of dating someone who was a bit more steady. So the last guy that we dated, every time we were on a date he'd ask me out for the next date or like within me getting home or we'd talk about future plans and I liked that certainty, however I was also not attracted to him so maybe I'm still just not fully in that like enjoying the certainty. I don't know maybe it was just him maybe we were just not compatible and that's why I wasn't attracted to him. Who knows but this is something I need to do so fix this. Start associating safety with turn on. Practice letting steady available men seduce you slowly. The kind of love that grows over time and not burns and crashes. I mean to do

Starting point is 00:16:33 that I've probably got to get back on the apps fully haven't I? Which I'll talk to you about in happy hour because yeah still not back on there. We'll talk about that in a minute. So now I've kind of got these four things that I need to work on and things I can fix and then I've got how to actually call in your fairy tale love. Here's your brutally honest roadmap. I'm scared. Date like you're interviewing for the love of your life. Stop being open to seeing where it goes. You're not window shopping, you're discerning. You're choosing your future, your family, your emotional safe space. Be warm but exacting. Be magnetic but non-negotiable. That's good advice. I agree. Embrace your softness as a power

Starting point is 00:17:16 move. The woman who receives deeply, allows space for her pleasure and lets herself be adored without guilt, that's your new edge. You've mastered self self-trust now it's time to let someone else hold you without over explaining why you need it let boredom be your best friend for a bit oh if a man feels too boring because he's consistent calm and stable sit with that let the slow burn love teach you what peaceful attraction feels like. That's where your happy ever after lives. I don't want to leave like too slow burn like you've surely got to... I feel like someone can be boring in terms of like consistent calm and stable and you can be attracted to them. I do feel like the chemistry has to be there to consider letting the slow burn happen. There's got to be some kind of spark,

Starting point is 00:18:11 there's got to be some kind of oh I think you're attractive because otherwise I just can't like a relationship without chemistry is just not something that I'm available for. I want the chemistry, I want the passion, I want that feeling of being desired and of desiring and I want the consistent calm and stable and I believe that you can have both. I do feel like peaceful attraction can be something that's like further down the line but also like I want the chemistry. I don't care how toxic it is. I want the chemistry. I don't care how toxic it is I want the chemistry. That to me is something that's really important so I

Starting point is 00:18:50 don't know we'll see with the boredom. We'll see what happens when we start dating again and I'll use this to decide whether they're the right person or not I guess. Update your energetic blueprint. Your head says I want a man who's tall, kind, successful and emotionally open but your body still lights up when it feels tension and ambiguity and a chase. Do the work to shift that pattern through somatic practices, dating detoxes, nervous system regulation or deep embodiment work that will change everything. I feel like I'm already doing that a little bit out anyway like I did take a break from dating after the last scenario and now

Starting point is 00:19:27 I'm thinking about actually getting myself back in there. Yeah I took a bit of a detox after the last experience. So when did I end that? In April I think, April, May. I ended things with that guy that I've been seeing for a couple of months, well like seven dates, was that a couple of months, six weeks however long it was. So I've not been dating since then and I feel like I've taken a nice break and now I'm ready to go back into it and yeah there's been more stuff that I've been doing from that so we're on the way there. Then lastly your final truth, I feel like this is such a like over you

Starting point is 00:20:06 saying that. You're not behind, you're not broken. Okay. You've just outgrown the version of you that tried to earn love by being impressive, understanding or chill. The man you want he's not hard to find but you'll only recognize him when you fully trust that you're already worthy. Love can be both peaceful and passionate and you don't need to fix yourself to be chosen. Or wasn't that interesting? I hope you found it interesting because I obviously found it interesting but then it's all about me so of course it's interesting. This has given me a lot of food for thought so yeah I would encourage you to do this prompt as well just to find out some

Starting point is 00:20:42 information for yourself to see what you could be doing differently. So I'll share the prompt with you that Gala Darling shared in her email, I'll share that with you in the show notes that you can go and use that in chat TV to yourself and now it's time for happy hour. Okay so this happy hour I've made a little mocktail for myself today, I thought I'd try something new. So I've got some fresh frozen, fresh frozen berries, they're not fresh and frozen, some frozen berries, just like a mixed berry medley that you get but there's no strawberries because I eat all those first, some frozen berries and then I've topped it with Aldi's lemon and lime

Starting point is 00:21:16 water, like the sparkling flavored water and I've chopped a nice cube in there and it's looking very summery, it's tasting very tropical. Oh it's just so refreshing, it's like such a refreshing drink to drink in summer so that's our happy hour drink today. So a little update about my dating situation, I have not been back on the apps since I updated my profile with you and I am going to be completely honest I updated my profile since I did it with you live on the episode about rewriting your dating profile so I will link to that previous episode go and listen to that if you haven't listened to it already and I will tell you the things that I have changed in my profile but

Starting point is 00:22:04 I'm still working on it because I still I don't like some of the photos that I have changed in my profile but I'm still working on it because I still I don't like some of the photos, like I'm just not happy with the photos, I'm just not happy with how it is so I'm gonna tweak some photos. I've still got the I hype myself up by playing music loudly prompt, I use that and then I've changed one of them. I put this one in here because I feel like it's kind of good, it's a good insight to who I am as a person however based on what chat TVT has just told me I think I'm gonna change this again because I put in my friend group I'm the one who and then my bit of the prompt was it makes everyone

Starting point is 00:22:37 feel better, I'm an excellent listener, great at giving honest advice and always there to encourage them to go after their delusional dreams, the ultimate hyper man. I feel like that's a really good quality to having a partner and I feel like that shows that I'd be a really good partner however based on what chat.gbt has just told me about the fact that I need to stop being so vulnerable and like fixing people and seeing their potential perhaps this is something that I need to change and then the one thing I'd love to know about you is I changed that back to what

Starting point is 00:23:09 film book song had a positive impact on your life and why because I felt like that was better than the Tarantino one but we're gonna I think I'm gonna go back through it again and just have a little I don't know have a little think about what I can put in there it's mainly just the photos that I want to change because I'm just not that happy with them they're new photos and I don't feel like they like I just don't feel like they're my best and I want to put my best photos in there right so I'm gonna go back through that recent like probably in the next couple of weeks I also was away my family for 10 days then I took a week off from my mom so I've

Starting point is 00:23:43 spent a lot of time like doing other things that I wouldn't have had time for dating anyway so embracing myself to go back on there and I'm gonna do that soon but in the meantime we have Hinge Cringe I've got I mean I've got an entire folder saved with Hinge Cringe stuff so I've still got some that we can go through. Right, here we go. Oh this was one of the prompts. You have the correct mix of cute and hot. What's your secret to balancing both so effortlessly? Why do you think that's appropriate to say? And what is the correct mix? And what is the correct mix? Like what's the correct mix?

Starting point is 00:24:27 Is there a correct mix? What are you talking about? Also there are so many more things on my profile that were more interesting than what I look like. You don't need to comment on my appearance, like respond to my prompt. Part of me is like still in that old patriarchal mindset of being flattered by my appearance being commented on. However, I also just think that there are more interesting things that you can talk to me about than my appearance, so

Starting point is 00:24:55 please do that. So that is Hinge cringe of the week. Okay, we have no swipe right spotlights. We're gonna skip that again for this week because Obviously not being on the app, so I've got nothing exciting to share with you. However we do have a dating dilemma, this is a juicy one involving brothers, let's get into that. If you dated a guy in the past it hadn't worked out and then later on you've got feelings for his brother and his brother had feelings for you would you date him? You know I've never dated someone, oh no that's a lie, I was gonna say I've never dated someone with a brother but my first boyfriend had a brother but he was like 10 years younger

Starting point is 00:25:33 than him or something like that so no. Would I date the brother? Oh this is so juicy. Okay I think there are many things that come into play here. So, how long did you date the original brother for? Was it a long-term relationship? Was it serious? Did you have sex with him? If it didn't work out, why didn't it work out? Did you cheat on him? Was he an arsehole? Did he cheat on you? Or was it a mutual we're just not together anymore? Like we don't fit, we're gonna end things mutually. How long ago was it between dating brother number one

Starting point is 00:26:17 to having feelings for brother number two and yeah like would you? I don't know. I feel like this is such a tricky one. It reminds me of a film I watched recently. I watched a film called, oh my god I'm not gonna remember it now am I? Legend of the Fall? Legends of the Fall I think it was? With Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins and in that there's three brothers that live in the middle of nowhere in, I think it's like 19, early 1900s America. Live in the middle of nowhere in I think it's like 19 early 1900s America live in the middle of nowhere then the youngest brother comes back with his fiance and she's attracted to middle brother but nothing happens and then the

Starting point is 00:26:58 three brothers go away to war youngest brother dies I hope I'm not gonna spoil this for you if you're gonna watch it was quite a slow film and youngest brother dies she goes back falls in love with Middle Brother, they become a thing, Middle Brother goes a bit mad, fucks off around the world for years and years and years like forever, so she marries Eldest Brother, so she's like been with all three of the brothers, although she didn't sleep with the first one, but she's like been romantically involved with all three of the brothers, although she didn't sleep with the first one, but she's like been romantically involved with all three of the brothers. Would I want to be involved with another brother? I feel like that's so awkward on so many levels because how do you...

Starting point is 00:27:36 If you've known the first brother and you've like met the family and you've been to parties with them, you've met the parents, like if that's a long-term involved relationship and then you start dating second brother, I mean not that it's anybody else's business if you're happy but I just don't know whether I'd be comfortable and I don't know how I'd feel about having sex with two brothers obviously not at the same time, but like have it like individually. I don't know how I would feel about that. Personally, unless it was like one of

Starting point is 00:28:12 those undeniable soulmate type attractions with the second brother and the first brother we've maybe just dated a little bit but it hadn't gone very far and was never serious, maybe I'd consider it. I want to know from you, would you date a brother or have you dated the brother of somebody else that you've dated? Write into me, leave me a comment on Spotify, leave me a comment on YouTube, I want to hear from you because I'd be really interested to know how that played out for you and just the whole scenario anyway. And don't forget you can contribute to this podcast, you can send me your dating stories, you can tell me your

Starting point is 00:28:50 icks, you can send in your own dating dilemmas, you can ask me like would you rathers like I'm happy to do would you rathers kind of questions, you can ask me personal questions about my own dating life, you can get as involved as you want with this podcast and as involved as you want I want you to get involved like please if you listen to this show regularly if you're watching the videos on YouTube fill out the contribute form get yourself involved because the more you write in obviously the more content I've got for you and I would love to answer your questions share your stories anything like that so go to date with

Starting point is 00:29:23 confidence podcast comm slash contribute I'll leave the link everywhere. I think that's it for this episode, I hope you've enjoyed it. And also if you do the chat GBT prompt then leave me a comment, again Spotify, YouTuber places that you can leave comments, send me an email, the datewithconfidencepodcast at gmail.com I think is the email address. You can send me an an email leave me a review on iTunes yeah I think that's it for now so I'm gonna go and finish drinking my little mocktail that is very tasty I highly recommend so I just put in like a little scoop full of frozen berries top it up with lemon and lime sparkling water from Aldi chuck in an

Starting point is 00:30:03 ice cube and it's like the perfect summer mocktail so I'm gonna go enjoy that. Thanks so much for listening and I will see you in the next one. Bye! Thanks so much for listening to the Date with Confidence podcast. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Subscribe, rate and So So you

The Date with Confidence Podcast - You Fall For Potential, Not Proven Consistency: ChatGPT's Brutal Dating Advice

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