The Date with Confidence Podcast - You Need This To Survive Dating In Your 30s

Starting point is 00:00:00 Dating can be so brutal, can't it? Like sometimes there are moments in dating where you were just like, what the fuck am I doing? Why am I putting myself through this? Again, why am I on these apps? Why am I dating these guys? Why am I responding to these idiots? It can be really brutal sometimes

Starting point is 00:00:19 and there are moments where we question ourselves, we question our lives, we question our choices and we question whether it's even worth lives, we question our choices and we question whether it's even worth it. And to survive the shit show that dating can be in your 30s or older or younger, to survive dating full stop, there is one thing that you need. Like this is your must have thing. This is the one thing that will get you through any shitty dating situation. Can you guess what it is? Welcome to the Date With Confidence podcast, a place to come for dating advice, support and stories that'll either fill you with hope or relief that your dating experience wasn't as bad as it

Starting point is 00:00:59 could have been. With practical episodes that'll provide you with easy to implement tips to help you feel confident AF on your next date. Alongside lighthearted catch ups where your host Rebecca, that's me by the way, shares her own experience dating after four years of the single life. You are guaranteed to end each episode feeling less alone in your dating struggles, empowered to never settle again and confident that the best is yet to come. And if it all falls to shit, there's a special first season dedicated to breakups. You are welcome, my friend. Subscribe, review, and share with your single friends. No, no, no. It's not copious amounts of wine. That is not what's going to get you through this. It is a solid group of friends who you can share the truth with. Now, you don't have to have loads of friends this

Starting point is 00:01:47 is like very much about quality is better than quantity you don't need to have a ton of friends even just one really solid friend can be enough but if you are going to put yourself out there if you are going to commit to dating if you are going to manifest the one into your life, you need people behind you who will support you through the lowest periods and who will celebrate you when things are finally going well for you. This group of friends are people that you can share your horror stories with. So you're getting from a date, first thing you want to do, open up your group chat, share everything. These are people that you know you can tell stories to and they are going to laugh along with you, they're going to cry with you, they're going to hold your hand, they're going to be there actively listening to what you have to say because they are genuinely interested.

Starting point is 00:02:42 You need this group of people to ask for feedback. Feedback on the outfit that you're going to wear. Feedback on the response that you're going to send to him. Feedback on how he behaved on a date. Feedback on your own behaviour. You need somewhere you can turn to for feedback and you need somewhere that you can get support. So if you are struggling, if your anxious attachment has taken over and you are spiralling, instead of bombarding him with messages, you need somewhere to go so that you can process, so that you can vent, so that you can cry. You need somewhere to go so that you can rant about this person if they've behaved like a dickhead. You need a safe space to survive dating. You cannot do this alone. I mean, you can, but it's a lot more fun with other people and it is gonna be a lot more beneficial to you

Starting point is 00:03:32 because you won't feel alone. So when you are struggling, when you are going through an experience, you'll have people to relate to you because I guarantee we've all dated at some point or we've all been in the early days of a relationship at some point we've all had those awkward first few months or those awkward dates or that un that confusing initial period whatever it is we've all been in the same boat at some point so even if

Starting point is 00:03:59 you've got groups of friends that are married or settled down or they've got kids that doesn't matter what's important is that you find a group of people that you love and trust now this isn't about getting people to make decisions for you you still have to make your own decisions you can't date from the perspective of someone else and you can't have someone else pulling the puppet strings during that experience for you telling you what to wear telling you what to say telling you how to respond there's a big difference between going to people for support and encouragement and getting other people to make your decisions for you because if you're behaving based on the way that somebody else would behave you're not showing up as your authentic self and that's not how you build a solid connection with someone so you still get to

Starting point is 00:04:49 make your own decisions but you get support from others and you get the best support when you open up and can be vulnerable and that's why it's really important to have some close friends who you can trust and the most important part of this group, which I'm not sure everyone will agree with me with, is you need people with different qualities, different perspectives, different ideologies. You don't want a group of people who are just yes people. You don't want your friends to be people who tell you what you want to hear. We love being told what we want to hear. We love being validated. We love being reassured. We love being told that we're in the right all the time. But there are times where you will be

Starting point is 00:05:38 in the wrong. There will be times where you might be the toxic one or the unhealthy one or the one playing games there will be times where he is not the issue it's your shit that needs dealing with in the kindest way possible like I'm saying this with love and I'm saying this as someone who needs telling as well sometimes if you have a group of people who are just yes people you are never going to grow you're going to keep repeating the same patterns and you are not going to manifest that dream relationship that you deserve it is important that you have friends who can challenge you and friends who offer different styles of support so one of my very good friends who is also actively dating at the moment she has us in our

Starting point is 00:06:26 group chat so there's three of us in that group chat she has a best friend that she's known I think since childhood then she hasn't has another friend who she's really really close with and each of us four or five however many people is she like actively seeks support from from each of us we all offer different styles of support so when she was going through a particularly bad time with a complete dick ever never guy there was the one person who would be more compassionate more understanding more empathetic he would be quite soothing quite reassuring and bring that softer more nourishing energy then you had the friend who was like the complete opposite the he's a fucking idiot you're a fucking idiot for

Starting point is 00:07:15 following him don't speak to him ever again block done it's over get rid of him from your life so the more fiery protective fierce loyal friend and then you had people who were more in the middle who were kind of okay I can understand but actually have you looked at it from this perspective and I don't think you should speak to him anymore but on a gentler level than the fierce friend but a stronger level than the compassionate empathetic one so she had people from all different areas supporting her providing her with reassurance suggesting things giving advice and holding space for her and that is so important because if you end up in if you end up in an echo chamber of receiving the exact same advice the yes people who tell you what you want to hear who aren't challenging you and your behavior you're never going to grow you're never going to actually improve and you will likely keep making the same mistakes. Now obviously this isn't just about you,

Starting point is 00:08:27 it's not only you that will make mistakes, it's not always going to be your fault as it were, but we can't control the way that other people treat us. I've said this before, we can't control the actions of anyone else, we can't control how the man that we're dating is going to show up in our lives. We can take responsibility for our own behavior and our own decisions and our own actions and you want people that are going to support you and making those decisions and taking those actions and call you out when actually you're not when actually you're not taking a step back and seeing a bigger picture and if your friend or you have a friend who is also dating you want to support that friend with their dating struggles without judgment and this is also very key a lot of the

Starting point is 00:09:12 facebook groups i see online that are described as empowering groups for women who are dating a lot of them are packed full of people who are judgmental, critical, who tear each other down, who can be quite spiteful to each other, especially if they have differing opinions and that's not helpful. When someone needs support they don't want your judgment, just like you wouldn't want their judgment. You need to find yourself a space that is judgment free, that lifts you up, that shares alternative perspectives, that reassures you when you're spiraling, and ultimately has the same interest in you meeting the one as you do.

Starting point is 00:09:59 Someone who's equally as invested in you succeeding in love and finding the love that you have always deserved. Now, if you have got your group of friends that you can go to, I am delighted for you. I am over the fucking moon for you because I know it can be really difficult for a lot of people to find that solid community, safe space that place that they can go completely judgment free where they can open up and be vulnerable if you have not yet found that space and you feel unsupported in your dating journey and you are struggling and you would like a safe space to come to so that you can get support and advice and you can find that reassurance and you can open yourself up to new perspectives and healthier dating patterns,

Starting point is 00:10:53 then I'd like to invite you to join Level Up In Love, which starts on the 8th of April. Level Up In Love is a three-month close proximity coaching container dedicated to helping you date with confidence, build better boundaries, raise your relationship standards and finally manifest the dream relationship you've always deserved. The Vibe is a private group chat with your besties where you can talk about dating dilemmas, how to confidently communicate your wants, needs and desires, where you can get support after a shitty dating experience and you can celebrate all the positive moments

Starting point is 00:11:32 in your dating and relationship journey. Except unlike these toxic Facebook groups, there is no judgment, criticism, there is no tearing each other down. It is a supportive, empowering community and we'll have a maximum of eight people inside of it level up in love doesn't contain hour-long trainings or things that you have to catch up on or you having this one-size-fits-all strategy to find love

Starting point is 00:11:58 it's really about meeting you where you are and helping you deal with whatever you're dealing with in that moment. So the way it works is Monday to Wednesday we're in this private group chat, you can come in, you can ask questions, you can ask for feedback on your dating profile, you can share screenshots of a message and say I don't know how to respond to this, you can receive support if you've been ghosted or you've been fucked around and it's left you lacking in confidence we can talk about tips for helping you build your confidence we can give you a pep talk before you go on your first date anything that you need during our time together is gonna go down in that whatsapp chat this is a close-knit intimate group of like-minded individuals who have the same intentions as you

Starting point is 00:12:47 when it comes to dating and we officially start on the 8th of April but it is going to be a rolling container. If you're listening to this after the 8th of April and you're interested in joining, providing there are no more than eight people already in the group, you are welcome to apply to join as well. As as a special bonus you also get instant access to the confidence course which is my six module self-paced course on creating and wavering self-confidence in all areas of your life and one of my favorite lessons within the confidence course is the lesson on raising your relationship standards and that has really helped me to attract much nicer men into my life as opposed to people that I perhaps used to date or it's just helped me to up level my

Starting point is 00:13:34 love life in so many ways. So I'll leave the information for you in the show notes. If level up in love is not quite your vibe and you don't want something quite so intimate you don't really want to be in a group with other people but you would still love some confidence coaching support manifesting your dream relationship dating with confidence letting go of insecurity or any anxious behaviors then loved up is the alternative for you. Loved Up is my brand new confidence boosting membership dedicated to helping you let go of insecurity, build more self-trust and improve all areas of your love life. So whether you're recovering from a recent breakup, whether you're well and truly into in your dating era, whether you want to enter the dating world and you just don't have a clue how, if you are

Starting point is 00:14:26 perhaps entering into a new relationship and you're feeling a little bit rocky and unsturdy or if you've been in a relationship for a while and you adore them but there are some things that are just not right and you want to change things and improve that relationship, wherever you are you and your love life are welcome here this membership is designed to support you in all areas of your romantic life and how this works is you will receive weekly coaching around whatever it is you need support with that week so again it's really about meeting you where you are and you receiving in-depth coaching for your choice of either six months or 12 months. There's a six month commitment or a 12 month commitment.

Starting point is 00:15:13 It is a membership. The support level is a lot investment whereas loved up is a much smaller investment at the moment because there's a special founders rate on until the 12th of april but either one of these options is going to be great for you if you are really if you really want to commit to improving your dating experience raising your relationship standards and manifesting that dream love life that you've had on your vision board for years and years and years. So again, I will leave the link to Loved Up

Starting point is 00:15:53 in the show notes. That officially started on Monday. So that is very exciting. And like Level Up In Love, it is a rolling membership. So not, well, Level Up In Love isn't a membership. Loved it is a rolling membership so not well level up in love isn't a membership loved up is a membership but it's that rolling container so you can join at any time when you join loved up as well you won't get access to the confidence course but you will get access to an

Starting point is 00:16:20 abundance of resources around breakups pre pre-date stuff, dating, entering new relationships and confidence building trainings as well inside the Loved Up Membership Hub. So go check out either of those options. If you have any questions, do get in touch with me on Instagram. If you feel like you don't have a supportive network of people around you during your dating life then sign up for one of those options because that is going to be your place to be that is going to be your place to come to help you survive dating if you would like to contribute to the date with confidence podcast our next community episode is coming out on the 11th of april so you got a couple of weeks to fill out the contribute form just go to

Starting point is 00:17:12 datewithconfidencepodcast.com contribute share your ics share your bad dating stories or your happy dating stories share your dating tips ask me questions whatever it is get yourself involved I would love to hear from you and if you haven't left a review or rating on your platform that you're listening to this from on please do so it would mean a lot to me and I'll see you in the next one thanks so much for listening to the date with confidence podcast I hope you've enjoyed this episode subscribe rate and review and share it with your single friends. you

The Date with Confidence Podcast - You Need This To Survive Dating In Your 30s

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