The Dating Detectives - "If I End Up Dead, My Husband Did It": Part 2

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

This week on the Dating Detectives, a newlywed woman begins to suspect that her husband’s behavior is hiding something far darker than infidelity. What starts as mounting lies, manipulation, and emotional abuse quickly escalates into a terrifying story of control, violence, and survival. In part two of this deeply emotional conversation, she shares the shocking unraveling of her marriage, the moment everything finally came to light, and how she ultimately found the strength to escape. Are you in the Chicago, Tampa, or Orlando area and want to come see us live?! Get your tickets at the links below:7/16 in Chicago: https://tickets.thedentheatre.com/event/dating-detectives-llpj8q?utm_source=performer&utm_medium=performerlink&utm_campaign=datingdetectives8/5 in Orlando: https://www.etix.com/ticket/p/48863575/the-dating-detectives-live-orlando-funny-bone-comedy-club-orlando8/6 in Tampa: https://www.etix.com/ticket/p/35010834/the-dating-detectives-live-tampa-funny-bone-comedy-club-tampaClick here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email [e-mail] or contact us through our website using this linkGet control of your finances with Monarch Money. Use code DATING at MonarchMoney.com in your browser (not app) for half off your first year!This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by TheRealReal.  Get $25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com/datingdetectives. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by DeleteMe. Get 20% off your plan at joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives with code TDD.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Shopify. Sign up for a $1/month trial at shopify.com/datingdetectivesThis episode is sponsored by Wayfair. Shop Way Day from April 25–27 for up to 80% off with free shipping at wayfair.com.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-723 for support. Happy dating detectives Monday. Hi, you guys. We are back. Hello. Hi, Hannah.

I'm so excited. I know. I'm not super excited about, I always say excited. I am excited about our live show, you guys. Yes. Oh, my God. Our live show is coming up and it can't come soon enough. I'm so stoked.

If you haven't heard, we are doing three live shows, one in Chicago. And I know some of you have already gotten tickets. and then we have one in Orlando and one in Tampa. Woo! We're in Tampa! All of the dates are below and all of the tickets are on sale. It's going to be so much fun. And what I love is that at least based on the first show that we've done, not only was the show really fun, but it also got to be intimate.

We got to meet pretty much everybody and just like really hang with you. So that's July is Chicago. And then August are the Florida dates. Yes, August 5th and 6th. And we hope to see you. Thank you so much for your support. As always, like I always like to start with gratitude and just say, thank you so much for listening to our show, for supporting us on the Patreon.

If you're a Patreoner, we love our sleuthies so freaking much. We just want to tell you how much we are grateful for you. So thank you. And this story is a tough one. And I want to extend that gratitude to all of you who have already said how much you love Hannah and how much support you're sending her way because she is, really bearing her soul to us. And every one of our guests is brave for sharing the story, but they all come in with the

intention of wanting to help people. So we've got part two, reminder that there are some definite trigger warnings, rape and domestic violence and talk of suicide. It's a heavy one. But she is safe and okay now. I'm here to tell the story. So that's really a good spoiler. Where we left off.

If you haven't listened to Part 1, go back and listen to it. There's a lot. But for a refresher, he said he was going to the movies with his friends. And she is coming back to talk to him because she does not believe him. And I have a feeling she's right. FM tuition. Her film tuition is very good in this whole story. There are moments where she's like, mm-mm.

This is a tough one, but I got to give it to her. Hannah did amazing and I'm really, I'm proud of her trusting her Fem tuition. Let's get back into it and let her tell the rest of the story. We were texting the entire day, just arguing, except the last two hours of I worked, I just didn't text it back. And I get off of work, I clock out and I look at one of the girls that I work with. And I literally looked her in her eye and I said, if I end up dead, my husband did it. Oh, my God. And she kind of like laughed and she's like, what are you guys arguing?

And I said, I'm being serious. If I'm dead, he did it. And I walked out to the parking lot of my job. I get in my car. And then all of a sudden, my car door opens. And it was him. He drove to my work and was waiting for me to get off from work. And he got in the car.

and he was like, we're going to argue right here right now because we're not about to argue in the apartment and have people hear us screaming and call the cops. And I said, I'm not going to argue with you here or at the apartment because while we were arguing and texting before I stopped texting him, I told him that I am going to come home, get a duffel bag, pack a night bag, and stay the night of my mom's to de-escalate the argument. That's reasonable. Yes. And when I told him, him that in the car. I said, like, I'm saying that of my mom's tonight. He's like, no, the fuck you're not. And he got out of my car, slammed my door, got back in his car, and went home. I followed, went home, got upstairs to our apartment. I went into the walking closet, and I was reaching up, getting a duffel bag, and he grabbed a hold of my ponytail.

Oh. And he ripped me down to the ground and my legs swung around and it hit the wall and it made the dry wall come off of the wall. And I landed on my wrist and I know for a fact I sprained my wrist, but I never got it looked at. And then I'm on the ground absolutely stunned that he just did that. And he picked me up by the size of my arms and he squeezed them so hard that I had fingerprint bruising on both sides of my arms. And at that point, when he drug me to the ground, I was in the bathroom. Oh, no.

So he picked me up from the bathroom floor. He was holding me by my arms, making me walk backwards, back into the bedroom, and then he shoved me on the bed. No. And I sat up, and that's when I got mad. I said, what the fuck are you doing? Why did you just fucking do that? You just hurt my wrist.

And then he, like, got on top of me and put his hand over my mouth. And he was like, stop fucking yelling, stop yelling. and then he took his hand off and I started yelling again and I was like what the fuck are you doing? Why are you doing this? And he put his hand over my mouth and he was like just screaming in my face like shut the fuck up. Let me explain. Let me explain. And so I did.

I stopped because it was just going to keep going. So I sat there on the edge of the bed holding my wrist while he explained to me. I honestly I disassociated for probably 80% of it he saw me holding my wrist he walked into the kitchen as he was still trying to give me a speech and talk to me got an ice pack out for me came back in handed me the ice pack you know like held my arm out for me and held the ice pack on it like I'm sorry that I just did that I didn't go to the movies with her I was with my friends I I swear but you just keep breathing down my neck trying to get me to prove to you that I'm with friends and just, you know. Telling you that you caused this reaction. So again, I just was like, I was like, okay. Like you start to feel so hopeless. I mean, just absolute hopeless.

And again, in my soul, I'm like, this is, I'm not doing the rest of my life like this. Like this cannot, this cannot keep fucking happening. So the rest of November happened. And then December hits. So now we're 14 months into our marriage because this is December 2025. And it was December 18th. He was working out of town. And he texted me at like 4 o'clock.

And he was like, when I get off work in a few minutes, when I go back to the hotel, I'm just going to sleep. I'm so tired. Instant. Did not like that. So I was like, okay. And here I am trying my absolute hardest. Like we're still in a couple's therapy.

I'm still trying to build my trust with him, even though he's laid hands on me twice now. I'm trying to give him benefit of the doubt, even though he doesn't deserve it. And so he gets back to the hook. hotel and I have his location so I can see he's at the hotel but then something inside me was like you need to look at see Snapchat and I hadn't looked at it in a while just like I don't know what it is just like like your femme tuition it's insane so I looked at it and she had posted a picture

in a restaurant and she tagged the restaurant I clicked on it. The restaurant is 10 minutes from the hotel he's at. Oh, boy. So I get dressed. I hurry up and walk past our living room. The living room camera doesn't keep the recording. You can only watch it live. Oh, so hurried up rush past. He won't see it. Yeah. Ran past it. Ran past it. Got to the entryway hallway where the living room camera can't see me. I get on. I get on. the ring camera app and I disable the camera app for five minutes. Like I said, a timer on it to be off for five minutes and then to turn back on. I leave and I start driving to the hotel. That was two, two and a half hours away. And I had turned my location off and I start driving and I'm like 20 minutes away from the hotel. All of a sudden he texted me. and he was like, I'm going to come home

a night early. I just want to be with you. I want to hold you. I'm leaving the hotel now. How are you? And in my head, I'm thinking, in my head, I'm thinking, how the fuck to this motherfucker know that I was on the way? You think he knew? Well, the only thing I can think of is when you share your

location with somebody, at least for iPhones, when you share, because I've seen it happen, when you share your location with somebody for such a long period of time when you eventually if you turn it off with that person sometimes it will still ping for just a second yeah and you can see it and but then it'll go away and i think that's what happened and he just happened to be watching yeah it's like how often is he staring at the ring and your location it sounds like he stalks you that's so scary i see on his location he left the hotel so i hurry So I hurry up and I hit a U-turn and I'm only 10 minutes in front of him.

And his car is faster than I, the type of car. And his driving is faster than mine. And I still hadn't answered him at this point. I had turned my read receipts off. So he didn't know that I was reading his text messages. And he calls me, calls me, calls me, calls me, calls me. And I don't pick up. And at this point, he called me 20.

eight times. And then he texted me. And he said, if you don't answer my next fucking phone call, I'm going to hide your plane this car because it was raining out. Of course, I answered the next phone call. And he said, why were you on your way to the hotel? What are you doing? Da-da-da-da-da, whatever.

I took a risk and I called him on his bluff because, remember, I never made it to the hotel. Right. I said, why did I see her car park next year's at the hotel parking lot? That's when he was like, I didn't know she was there at first. I swear to God, like, when I saw her car there, I was like, oh, my God, if Hannah saw that, she'd freak out.

But he's like, I didn't think that was her car. And I didn't know that she was actually here until I saw her in the hallway. But when I saw her in the hallway, I saw her with another guy. She's here with another guy. I said, you expect me to believe that she is two hours away from home at the exact same hotel, at the exact same time that you're at this hotel. With a different guy? I was born yesterday.

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And just to make sure her house was on the way home. Because I had her address. So I drove by her house, confirmed that her car was not there. And I pulled over in front of her house. And I messaged her. And I said, listen, if you're still messing around with my husband, I said, please let me know. Because if you are, you can have them. Yep.

And then I drove the rest of the way home. So I get upstairs. I start to get ready to take a shower. I just have a towel wrapped around me. And then all of a sudden he comes inside and he starts screaming at me that I'm ruining our marriage. I'm the one that isn't putting any trust in him. And I'm the one that's holding us back. And I said, okay, this is your absolute last chance to show me your phone. I need to see your phone. You need to show me that you're not messaging her. and he pulled his phone out of his pocket. It was shattered. He shattered his phone on purpose when he was outside. Yeah, on the sidewalk before he walked in. So then I kind of like, I didn't laugh. I guess I did laugh.

I would have laughed. I kind of was like, you know, an exasperated laugh. And I was just like, yeah, of course. And then he ripped the shower curtain down as I was trying to get in the shower. I still hadn't gotten in the shower at this point. And I put the shower curtain up. He had walked out of the bathroom. He kept walking back and forth from the bathroom to the second bedroom to the living room,

just yelling and started calling me names at this point. And what she hadn't really done? Honestly, I don't remember. Like, I just remember being like, this is a never-ending loop of abuse and putting up with this shit. And I just wanted, I just so wanted to be done with everything. And I wanted clarity. I wanted to message me back. That's what I, that was going through my head.

I wanted her to message me back and give me clarity. Yes, and we're still talking. No, we're not. So I get in the shower. I remember getting my whole body wet and I had already, I put the shower curtain back up. Came back in, he ripped it down again. And then I put it back up and I put soap on my body.

Then he came back in, he ripped it down again. So that's three times now. So I left it down. And I finished my shower and I get out. At some point when I was in the shower, he threw his phone towards me while I was in the shower, glass shattered everywhere in the shower. Ew. This is awful. Yeah, I picked his phone up and I threw it through the bathroom bedroom door and threw it on the carpet.

And then I get out of the shower, put the towel around me, put the shower curtain back up. Notice that there's blood on the shower curtain. I'm like, is that my blood? Did I get a cut? And then he came back in and he goes, I just fucking punched a hole in the TV. I was like, oh, that's your blood. And then he had punched a hole at some point when he was walking back and forth, the back of our bedroom door.

And you're still kind of shut down, it sounds like. Yeah, I wasn't speaking. Okay. Yeah, I wasn't speaking to him. I got dressed, got in bed. He took the stool from the kitchen island. sat it in the doorway of our bedroom and he goes we're going to talk this is going to get resolved right now i said i'm not talking to you and i turned the light off and i went to bed

were you scared at all no i should us i probably should us but i went to bed woke up at that point he had taken two weeks of pto he said he always did that around christmas time so he did not have to go to work the next day but i did and he had already scheduled a service tune-up for his car. So I went to work as normal. And he had an Apple watch. So he could still text off of his Apple Watch. So I went to work as normal. The dealership called me and said, hey, when you drop his car off here, we have a loaner for you. Do you want the loner and I said, yeah, that that's fine. So I remember that he could still text off of his Apple Watch, but before I texted him, I looked at the living room camera and he was sitting on the couch and I could

see him already texting off of the Apple Watch. And I'm like, well, he's not texting me. So who's texting? So then I texted him and I watched him, literally ignore my text. So I texted him again and I said answer the fucking phone do you want the loaner or not or something like that and he was like yes whatever so i leave work on my lunch break he gets in my car we drive in silence over to the dealership he gets the loner and i know this pissed him off he was trying to act all normal and lovey-dovey while we were signing the papers for the loaner in front of the guy and i like wasn't having any of it and I just he gave me like a look that a dad would give his kid like you better fucking knock it off type of look but I I didn't give a shit I didn't care at that point so anyway

it's a loner goes back to our apartment I go back to work I get off of work come home and that is when I just let it all out I go into our bedroom and I just start bawling my eyes out to myself. I started doing laundry to occupy myself. He comes in the bedroom and like clockwork. I'm so sorry. I can't believe that I have caused you all this emotional trauma. I blacked out last night. I don't even remember half the things I did or said. I woke up this morning and my knuckles were all scabbed. The whole spiel. He's like, can we please go to dinner tonight and talk it over? and just start fresh. Please, before Christmas.

I know you love Christmas. Can we please just, please start fresh? And I'm like, sure, whatever. So we go to dinner. And at this point, I was feeling a little bit better because C, still has not messaged me. So I'm like, okay. So I was feeling a little bit better about the whole situation,

even though I really shouldn't have, but I was. Because you think that means that they're not together. So we go to dinner, we talk over dinner, we're at dinner for like two hours to the point where the servers are like looking at us like, all right, like y'all are done eating, get out. Get out. I'm like, and like I know that feeling because I'm a server. So I was like, okay, we need to leave. So he's like, why don't feel like we're done talking?

Let's ride around in the car for a little bit and just drive and talk. Like, okay, cool. So we're just taking a night ride. We pull over a gas station, get snacks and drinks, and we are just taking a night drive for like the next two hours. And talking for four hours. Just beginning to end of our relationship, how we felt about each other at the very beginning, where we think it went wrong, what he thinks is his problem, why he thinks he does what he does, what we're looking forward to in the future. Like, it got to a point for some reason.

I remember this. We talked about when we have kids, are we going to tell him Santa Claus is real? Was that encouraging to you? Like, do you feel encouraged? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, she was just inching his way back in with genuine conversation. And was his excuse, once again, his childhood trauma for all of that behavior?

Of course. Yeah. I mean, so then by the time we get home, I'm thinking like, all right, well, see, still hasn't messaged me. But she read it. I saw that she read it. She opened it because I messaged her on TikTok. So I'm like, okay, maybe. She's pissed and I hate, this is disgusting the way I'm going to put it and I don't mean it this way, but she's probably pissed that I won him.

Yeah, I know. We know what you mean. I hate to put it that way. And so I'm feeling good. We get home, probably not TMI for your guys' channel, but we have like the best sex and intimate time together that we have ever, ever, ever had. Make up sex. He's like whispering in my ear. I'm your husband.

You're my one and only. I'm your one and only. I will never hurt you again. You're my wife. You are everything to me. And just great night. Literally, we fell asleep, him holding me. And I don't think we moved the whole night. We woke up in the same position. And woke up. He made us breakfast. We're sitting on the couch together, eating breakfast. And I was like, we need to finish Christmas shopping for your family. We need to go out and get some gift cards. So we get ready. And we're sitting, well, before we start getting ready, we're sitting on the couch. And he was like, he's like, I think we should both change our phone numbers. And I was like, I'm not changing my phone number. You can change your phone number though. You can change your phone number.

I encourage you to change your phone number, actually. He was like, what if we just like move and start over? Would that make you feel good? And I'm like, no. No, I don't want to move. I don't want it. I want us to move, like actually move forward because I explained to him, it feels like every time we take a step forward, there's 20,000 steps back.

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Then we talked about the gift cards and we got ready. We go. We get gift cards. And then on the way to the next place we were going to, I said, you should probably swing by the apartment and grab your phone so we can go to Team Mobile and see how much it's going to be to fix your phone because he fucking shattered it. Yeah. And he's like, oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. So he pulls back into our apartment. I stay in the car. He goes upstairs to go grab his phone and I get a text message while he is in the apartment.

and it is C and she sends me undeniable proof of her being pregnant but she had a miscarriage oh no also what is what does she say is she angry or she just like

I want to tell you the truth she said I was just with him two nights ago and she also sent me a picture of the same table with the food on it that I saw. She got proof. But him in the picture. So she sent me that picture and then she sent me the literal documentation with their names on it from a doctor. So legitimately it's not like forged.

And I'm looking at this and he gets back in the car and at this point I'm shaking. I'm so mad. And in my head, it was over. Like it was officially, I know that I've said it was over like three times before this, but I was like, this is it. He sees me looking at my phone. He sees, I remember physically my hand shaking with my phone in my hand. He's like, why are you shaking what's wrong? And I show him the picture of him at dinner with her.

And I said, what the fuck is this? And he does not break eye contact with me. I can, I literally see his eyes just like a fucking glaze over like a shark. It's unearthly the way that I saw him. Like there was no whites in his eyes. It was just fucking pure black. He doesn't break eye contact with me. He locks the car doors and puts the child lock on and he throws the car and drive.

And he takes off with me in the car. and I'm screaming at him. Let me out of the car. Let me out of the car. I want a divorce. I'm leaving you. We're done. We're done.

Like, this is it. This is absolutely it. You are about to fucking have a baby on me. I'm your fucking wife. How could you do this? I'm divorcing you. He's screaming at me. You're not fucking leaving me.

The only way you're leaving me is in a body bag. Oh, yeah. You're not leaving me. You're going to let me fix this. You're going to let me make you happy again. Then he tried to say like, I couldn't tell you that she got pregnant. I had to keep talking to her because she was going to use the miscarriage as blackmail to keep me to talking to her and being with her and all this, this and that.

And I said, I don't give a fuck. We're done. We're done. And I think that's when he truly felt he lost all control and he knew I was done because that's when he started going over. So at this point, he's on the highway. And we're going over 100 miles an hour. And the one time you want a cop to fucking see you, there's no cops around. And he kept acting like he was going to jerk the wheel and wreck us.

Then he reached in the backseat of the car and got his gun. No. And he said, I'm going to, he said, I'm going to shoot myself in the head and then the car can wreck itself. And who knows if you'll fucking die? Multiple times he said the thing about the only way I'm leaving him is in a body bag. This is so fucking scary. if I ever get into another relationship, he's going to ruin it. He said that we can stay together.

He'll change jobs. We can move away. We can change our phone numbers. I mean, just so much. And I'm proud of myself because not one time did I agree with him. Like, yeah, you're right. I'm not divorcing you. I just kept saying it.

I said, no, I'm leaving you. I said, I'm leaving you. We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done. He ended up driving and holding me hostage for two hours.

driving all through Kentucky, back up to Ohio, back down to Kentucky, back up to Ohio. I just was like, how am I going to get out of this? And at one point I was crying, looking out the window, trying to get somebody to see me. Oh, my God. And he grabbed my chin and made me look at him and said, stop fucking looking out the window. Somebody's going to call the cops. And then that's when I was like, okay, I have to tell him I have to pee. So I'm like, I have to pee.

You have to let me out. and he fucking hands me a cup and was like, you can pee in this. I was like, I'm not peeing that. You need to pull over or you need to stop at a gas station. He said, if I stop at a gas station, you're not taking your phone inside. I said, okay, that's fine. That's fine. Take my phone.

And I said, but don't fucking break my phone. And he was like, I won't, just don't touch it. And then at one point when we were in the car, he made me block C's number and block her off of all social media. But little did he know. I already memorized her phone number. Because he made me like block it and then somehow I for I don't know how he made me do it. He made me block it but then delete it so I didn't have any trace of it. Because there's like a folder of locked numbers.

Um, so he pulled over to gas station and he said if you're not out in two minutes, I'm coming in to get you. And he still had his gun on his lap at this point. So I left my phone in the car, I get out, and I go in the gas station. I did go pee, and then I looked at myself in the mirror, and I was like, how, I just remember looking at myself and like, how, like, what the fuck is life? What, what the fuck? This is movie lifetime type fucking shit.

This is the shit I watch for entertainment on true crime documentaries right now, happening in real time to me right now. you do not think it's going to happen. Like this is fucking insane. So I get out of the bathroom and the way he parked the car and the way the gas station was set up, he could see the entire front counter. So I'm like, if I try to ask for help, who knows if he's going to come in here with the gun and shoot me, shoot himself, shoot somebody else.

I'm not about to bring other people, innocent people into this. So I just walk out and I go back to the car. I get in the car and he says, if you would have been another second, I would have went in there. And I looked at him and I fully accepted my fate and I said, if you're going to kill us, just do it fast and do it now. And I said, can I call my mom before you do it? Oh, my God. And he didn't say anything to me. And he just drove home.

and we were maybe like 10 minutes from home and then he finally started talking and he said, I know I fucked up, but I'm going to fix this. You're going to let me fix this. You're not leaving me. You're not leaving me. I didn't say a word to him. And then he parks the car at our apartment and he doesn't let me get out myself. He gets out of the car himself, walks over to my door, opens the door, grabs my arm and guides me

inside and our apartment was on the second floor so we start going up the stairs and we're on the middle landing before going up the second set of stairs and he puts his hand on my chest and he backs me into the corner and he says you better not fucking scream when we get up here and then we go up the stairs and he has the keys and if i would have tried to run it wouldn't have mattered like i look back at the ring camera footage. And you can just tell that I'm just so depressed and hopeless on my face. Like there's just no. There's no fight left.

And so he opens the door and he goes in first. And then I remember him looking back at me, like, get in here. So then I follow him in the apartment. And I guess I was just starting to disassociate. And the gift cards we had gotten earlier were on the kitchen island. and I got envelopes out and I put the gift cards in an envelope. And I started to write who they were to. And I put the pen away.

And then I go into the bedroom and I start to take my shoes off. And he's following right behind me. And I turn around and I said, this is not going to be the rest of our lives. Whether I leave you tonight or I leave you in six months, I'm leaving you. We are done. I want a divorce. And that's when he starts screaming at me. We're not getting a divorce.

You're not leaving me. Tell me you're not leaving me. tell me you're not going to divorce me. And he backed me into between the wall and the bed on my side of the bed. And I remember he was like, you have one more chance to say that you're not divorce me, you're not leaving me. And I said, no, I'm not saying that. He pushed me on the bed, he got on top of me, and he straddled me.

And he put both of his hands around my throat. this is really fucked up. But as he was doing it and just like the look on his face, I remember thinking my mom and my best friends are going to have to pick out what flowers are going to be at my funeral.

Like that was one of the things I thought about. That must have been so awful. I can't even imagine. I can't explain the feeling of scaredness. Like I'm going to die. Like I'm, this is it.

I'm dead. and I'm going to die. And then he had let go of one of my wrists and put it back on my throat, but I was able to wedge my knee and leg in between us when he did that. And I like need him off of me. And I stood up and I was bent over coughing trying to catch my breath. And he said, you have one more chance to say you're not leaving me. And I'm like coughing. So I'm not saying anything. And that's when he came up behind me, put me in a chokehold. And I blacked out. And I was probably out for like seven to ten seconds. And I remember coming to him, not kicking, kicking me in my back, but like, kicking me in my back saying stand up, stand up.

And I crawled over to the bed and I thought to myself, if I don't let him think he's in control right now, I'm dead. I'm dead. So he sat down in a chair that was next to our bed and I disassociated and he gave some five to ten minute long speech. and I didn't catch anything, he said. Until the very end, he said, I'm going to go stay at a rest stop tonight. I understand if you want to go stay at your moms. And then he walked out the door. A little did he know.

I had, before he got me out of the car, I grabbed my phone. And it was in my pocket. And when he walked out of the bedroom, I waited like two minutes for him to not come in. I got my phone back out. I put in C's number. I said, please send me absolutely everything you have about him, everything you guys are, everything that happened. He just tried to kill me. Oh, my.

And she just starts sending me hundreds of messages, screenshots, call logs, photos, videos. and I absolutely knew that if he were to come back and I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut about knowing everything, I'm dead. So I peeked my head out into the living room and he wasn't there. He left. Like he left the apartment. I didn't know where he went.

I didn't give a fuck. That was the moment where I'm like, I need to call the cops. I've called the cops right now. So in fear of him coming back before the cops got there, I left the apartment and I went to the jungle gyms. That's like kind of across the street from our apartment. That's a grocery store. And I called the cops. They came.

They were absolutely amazing. In the middle of me telling the cops what happened, I got a ring notification. And it was him. He came back to the apartment. And he was only in the apartment for maybe a minute and a half, two minutes. And then he left. And I hurried up and I told the police. And he ended up getting in the car and driving a little bit.

The police ended up pulling him over on the exit. That's to my mom's. So he thought I was. Stop. Oh, my mom. And he went inside to grab my wedding rings and his gun. That is so scary. And then I didn't know it until I got done with the police

When I came back to our apartment When he was also inside of our apartment He unplugged the living room camera So who knows what would have happened? Yeah, so then he was arrested And this part, I'll try my best not to cry This part always gets me So the cop said

Something about when you go to court on Monday You need to do X, Y Z. and I'm crying and I'm like, I said, this is just a question, but what happens if I don't go to court on Monday? And he turned around and he said, if you, and he looked me in my eyes,

and he said, if you don't go to court on Monday, the next time I see you, I'll be zipping you up in a body bag. Oh, wow. That, like, you would think I would obviously know the seriousness of the situation, but that's the first time about a third party.

has been involved and said something like that to me. So that's when it really, really, really hit me. It seems like really harsh, but y'all, that's, he's not wrong, right? Like, did you feel the same way? He's not. He's not at all whatsoever. So I called my best friend, told her she needed to come over, and I told her everything that happened.

And then I started to message C. and that is when her and I started to dissect the absolutely convoluted fucking story that he gave both of us. And that is when she sent me absolutely everything, screenshots, videos, pictures, and now I'm going to go ahead and go through all of that. So he started off with telling her,

because she did not know about me whatsoever, until I discovered that he was cheating on me back on May 15th. At first, when I discovered that he had cheated on me and then she found out about me, he had told her that we were getting a divorce, unbeknownst to me. Yeah, like, well, I got to know about this. So, but then he changed his tune, remember, when I saw that picture of her at the hotel. And I said, I wanted a divorce.

Yeah. Well, what did you tell her? then because he told me like no no no i don't want a divorce he turned around and told her because she's bisexual and is okay with polly relationships we're going to be a thruple he told her that oh again forgetting to mention that to you that you're in trouble now yeah so that's fucked up he had gotten her pregnant at some point either in May or June and she ended up miscarrying in July and while she was miscarrying she told me that they were having this huge argument over text and she was like I bet

Hannah would be here for me why aren't you here for me like literally and I had like yeah yeah so at that point she thought that she was still thought that we were in like a Polly relationship I guess I oh boy but without ever speaking to me in a way that I knew. Why do you think she never reached out to you during that time? I think deep down she knew that he was lying. Didn't want to admit it. Because come on.

So you had gotten her pregnant and she miscarried. And because she miscarried, he felt so guilty. Remember when I told you I was getting my nails done and he was at Petland? Mm-hmm. He co-signed on a $5,000 dog with her. So he was late picking me up from the nail appointment because he was too busy signing all the paperwork for the dog. Oh my goodness. What?

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What? Yeah. She sent me the ring that he was going to buy and everything. Were you surprised by these or did these coming one after you get to a point where you're like, yep? I'm going to be really honest. I begged her for absolutely every bit of piece of information she had and knew because I knew. once I got all that information, it would help me get the fuck over him sooner.

And it has. It truly has. I mean, it's sickening. Like, I was sick to my fucking stomach. Yeah. As she told me these things. But in the same breath, it was like, fuck you.

I'm done. Like, this is done. I'm so glad this is done. I can't, like, who the fuck did I marry? Who the fuck did I marry? What else? We're going to cross into the weird zone now. Oh, boy.

No. This is actually the really disturbing zone. So him and I, we love to watch true crime, documentaries, stuff like that. Well, do you remember when the new Ed Gein documentary came out? So Ed Gein would have intercourse with dead bodies? Well, Dee had let me know that one of the times she was at the time. the hotel with him he told her to take a ice cold bath and immediately get out and lay on the bed and let him have sex with her as if he was fucking a dead body no no no and that probably was

the most disturbing thing i had ever discovered because in my head i'm thinking what if he would have actually strangled me to that point. And I died. And he did that to me. Oh, here's another really fucked up thing. He told her to cut her bangs, keep her hair black and long, and to gain weight so she could look like me. What? No way.

She said that she gained over 100 pounds since she met him. On purpose. And now she's on purpose. and now she's on, I believe she said she's on heart medication because of it now. Wow. I want to have a conversation with C. I don't really, but someone needs to. But here's the thing.

Since the night he got arrested, I remember when I got home, I texted her and I said they arrested. And from that point on, we talked nonstop for like three weeks. every day, every single day. And she literally is like, I am so sorry that I was ever a part of this. At first, I didn't know about you. I can't believe that he lied to both of us. Like, she was holding so strong and she was against him like I was. And I was like, oh, my God, like, are we going to become weird, fucked up friends together?

So from the time he had gotten arrested up until the very end of January, she was a girl's girl on my side was basically like fuck him he deserves to rot i mean was fully supporting me everything like that and then on february 2nd i had gotten notification from my victim advocate and she had let me know that he had ended up getting into contact with c because he had gotten a tablet and he had gotten his brother to figure out her phone number to message her and they started messaging. And my victim advocate had let me know that. So I messaged her on February 2nd and I said, see, don't give in to him. Please, he's trying to manipulate you. He's going to do the same thing to you. I'm not saying this out of bitterness, but I want you to be safe.

I thought, and then one of the things that, one of the first things he said to her was like he wants to build the trust back with her. So I texted her, I thought if, in quotes, we built the trust back with him. Things would be fine, but he never even stopped cheating on me with you. And she said, I don't know how to feel. I'd be okay with being his friend. I feel like I met him for a reason, and I don't know why. I don't trust him. I'm not concerned for my safety, though. I appreciate you more than you realize. He's clearly being super pushy because he needs comfort and thinking he has a plan on the outside. Any inmate needs some sort of hope. So C and I were actually still becoming friends until I found out that she began conversating with my ex-husband again.

So then after that night, after he had gotten arrested and I had found everything out, that is when the court process began. And I was contacted by a victim advocate and she told me what was going to happen that Monday. So I met up with her that Monday. And that is where I got a temporary protection order. Okay. And what was that experience like a little bit? Dereal. I mean, he was in the room and I kid you not, we were sitting probably at most eight feet from one another.

And what was he like? And he looked fucking pitiful. And it pisses me off because he knows what he did, but he knows what he did. he was trying to make himself look even more sorry in front of the judge. Like the glasses are off. I could fucking see him for who he was. And I knew that he was doing that on purpose, especially like he has a very deep, soothing, velvety voice. One of the reasons I fell for him.

And when we go to court, it's like he was making his voice crack on purpose and just sounds so pitiful. And I literally turned around to my victim advocate. I said, that is not what he normally fucking sounds like. He was sweating on the whole act. Absolutely. Again. He absolutely was. Did you feel like the judge in the court system and the victim advocate were, like, how was that experience?

It was good? I, yes, because I was scared. I was like, oh, my God, what if they don't charge him with anything? What if they don't believe me? What if I didn't have enough evidence and whatnot? But thank God. went as smoothly and as quickly as I think humanly possible. I mean, it still took a while, but it's court. That's, I mean, it's going to happen. But I know other people don't have that

kind of experience with the justice system, but I am super thankful that I had such a good experience and they got the job done. So we have the protection order hearing. And during that hearing, that is where the judge literally asked me how long I wanted the protection order to be for. And I said, all of it. What's the longest you can do? And he said,

well, you can pick six months to five years. And I immediately, without hesitation, said, I want five years. And I'll never forget, he looked over at me and just had like a,

like, oh my God. Like a sad face? Like, like, I'm so nice. Like what? And so the judge was literally, took a matter of minutes. He's like, okay. And he got up and he wrote up the paperwork, went into another room, printed it off, came back in, had me sign it. I immediately sign that bitch. He brought it over to my ex-husband's table for him to sign. And he, at first, he wouldn't

even pick up the pen. And he looks up at the judge and he goes, can you please not make it five years? Please, please, please. Can we please just lessen it, please? And the judges looked at him and said, that's what she picked. She gets to pick. And he looked back down at the paperwork and then he finally picked up the pen and signed it. Oh, my God. And then I believe the next hearing was basically him just coming in and then reading off what he's being charged with asking him if he wants to plead guilty or not guilty. and that type of hearing actually happened like three times

because his public defender kept asking for a continuance and the only reason he did that is because a lot of victims if they make time pass then the victims drop the case and little does he know it's pissing me off more get this fucking show on the road I'm done with this. Let's get it going. So finally, oh, also, I had gotten together a humongous folder of all the evidence. I had multiple screenshots of text messages printed off to show them how he spoke to me. I took pictures of the blood on the shower curtain, the fingerprint bruising on both of my arms,

the marks that were on my arms, the wall where he drugged me down by my hand. hair and my leg hit the wall and the drywall came off of the wall. When he punched the hole in the door, the cops took pictures of my neck. They also took pictures because he had my wrist pin down on the bed. So they had pictures of my, like my, not bruising, but like red marks on my wrist. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Every step in that process, as good as it is to have the evidence and the people

looking on the case. It's just one trauma after another. So they looked over all the evidence and basically told him like you're cooked. Like you got to, you can't plea not guilty anymore because he had pled not guilty. And then his public defender is like you can't, you got to take a plea. So then he finally pled guilty and the plea deal was four years. At first, he was getting charged with four fourth degree felony strangulations, a second degree abduction charge. Oh, wow. A third degree kidnapping charge. A first degree misdemeanor of domestic violence.

And I think that's it. So those were the charges he was looking at. So they dropped the kidnapping charge, which I'm, a little upset about because if they would have kept that kidnapping charge, he would have potentially got like 10 years. Yeah, he would have gotten a lot longer for sure. For that singular charge. Oh my God. But they dropped it and I think they dropped it because he's a first time offender. He's never even gotten like a speeding ticket. So his official charges for the plea was or are second degree felony strangulation. So they bumped those four fourth degree.

felony strangulations up to one second degree felony strangulation. Okay. And then they kept the third degree abduction charge. They dropped the kidnapping charge. And then they kept the first degree misdemeanor domestic violence charge because if he were to catch another domestic violence charge, then that first degree misdemeanor bumps up to a felony. To a felony, yep. So four years. Were you in the courtroom when that happened? Yes. Oh, yeah. How did that? How did that? I mean, I already knew that was happening. My victim

advocate, along with a prosecutor, called me a week or two before. Let me know that he changed his mind. He was going to plead guilty and let me know what his charges were going to be. So I kind of already knew that. So it was no surprise to me. I just found it annoying that every time we would be in court, whether it was for our protection order or his sentencing hearing, he would just act and look pitiful. Like, he just, like, oh, woe is me. Yeah, exactly. It would make his voice crack. Like, he just made his voice sound not as deep on purpose. Like, it just, just pitiful. Yeah. So when was that when he was, when the verdict came through? April 8th. This just happened, yeah.

That was just over a month ago. Yeah. Oh, my God. Also, while dealing with all of the court hearings for the criminal part of the process, I also had filed for divorce and had to go through the divorce process as well. During our divorce hearing, he just acted like a tough guy, and I couldn't believe we had a different, all the different types of hearings were different judges. And our divorce hearing judge was so rude to me and was nice to him.

I don't know. And it really, it really annoyed me when the judge, we've, so we walked. So he was already sitting down when I walked in the room for our divorce hearing. And the judge had me raise my right hand, state my name, you know, all that. and he said, so you're here on the grounds of divorce due to infidelity. And then I said, I said, yes, infidelity. And he tried to kill me. Little thing, a little detail. And the judge said, okay. And then he had him do the same thing, raise his right hand, state his name, swear him in. And he's lucky that I had every right to take

half of his shit and I didn't. Why didn't you? You just was it? Because I don't want more reason. I don't want more reason for him to try to come after me when he gets out. Yep. Four years. Yeah, that's a good lengthy sentence, especially as a first time offender. But that's plenty of time for when he gets out to come try and find me. Yes. It's not that long. It's not. Not long enough. And I asked, my victim advocate, I said, does he have a chance to get out early? And she said he does, but it's very, very, very hard to, especially with his type of charges. But it's possible. It was only one time I had to go in for the divorce. And that was pretty much it. I actually just received my divorce degree on last Saturday. Yeah, so the night. So our divorce hearing was March 9th. And I

didn't get our divorce degree until two months later on May 9th. So you're not only going to all of these court dates, which is traumatic in itself, but it's happening right after this like intense experience that you just went to with him. How was that emotionally day to day? Like not just sitting in the courtroom. Like how are you how are you functioning? That's my question because I don't understand. When I honestly, I don't I don't remember. I just got through it. Like a lot of people ask me and a lot of people who have seen my TikTok and have commented on it, they're like, how does somebody heal or how does somebody get through this? And it's literally just day by day, but also I think a huge part of this, which is this healthy? I don't know. But I'm a petty person,

and I'm not going to let him take any more of my life or my light than he already has. So that's just how I've, I've been going through it. I mean, I'm not going to let him hold any, anything else over my head. When did you start posting about this on TikTok? So we got arrested on December 20th. I posted on December 24th. And as you start gaining a following of people invested in your story, what was the best part of that and what was the worst part of that? Oh, man, I'm going to cry.

Oh, friend, we love you. The absolute best part of all of this is other women reaching out to me. thanking me and telling me that I gave them the courage to also leave. There's been three women so far that I've helped leave. Oh, that's a whole world. Those are the three worlds. Good for you. I have good. I have good. Like me saying that means the world to me is it doesn't even come close to like the actual feeling. And I am just so happy that I've been able to help other people like that. I truly, made that my life's mission now and I've posted on Facebook. I shared your guys podcast on Facebook and I explained on there that I'm not getting paid for this. I don't give a shit about

my following. I don't care how many likes I have. I will continue and continue and continue to post about my experience and how I'm able to help others like the three the three women that were able to get out like that's just the beginning. And I, ask them, what state are you in? What's the day or you in? Let me look up the websites and organizations that are near you and send it to them. Incredible. They've all messaged me like, I left today. I left last night. That's so good. I'm at my mom's house. I'm at the, like, I'm at the police station filing a report right now. Like, that just feels so good. I'm so proud of them. But at the same time, I will say that it does kind of scare me because the most violent time for a victim is when they leave.

It's when they leave. Right after they leave. Yes. And I tell them, I said, please, please, please, please, please make sure you have other people you can lean on. Please, as much as it sucks, so people can believe you document anything and everything you possibly can. So you have it not only for yourself, but for other people. That's a good tip. The documentation.

everything email yourself when things happen events of what happened so that you have that time stamped as well as writing it down manually i mean like there's it's not always perfect but there's a lot that we can try to do to protect ourselves moving forward i hate that we have to do any of it yeah it it's horrible that we have to prove that to people they can't just believe us so that's been the most rewarding part of all of this going through this. And part of me believes that I went through this so I can help other people. Man. I think that is so one of our guests came on and said,

your voice is your weapon. And you coming on your TikTok and sharing on our podcast, like you're talking about it. And that's exactly what you're doing is you're helping other people build their own weapons and be brave enough. to talk about it themselves. And there's just something for that sense of community that you create when you talk about it.

And I just think you're amazing for it. And I can't thank you enough for being so brave. I'm so impressed by you and proud of you. And also just so grateful that you're, you know, all we want is to give you and people like you the opportunity to make that story even louder. So I think that the three women that you've helped in that way, like I said, it's just the beginning. And we'll be sure to keep you in the last.

loop of the response. And also, like, can you keep us updated on how you're doing especially? I mean, I know this sounds weird, but like in four years, let us know how you're feeling when he's getting out. I just am scared already. It is definitely scary when I think about when he is going to eventually get released. But one thing that I keep telling myself is there's no point in worrying now when I'm going to worry down the line because then I'm going to make myself go through it twice. So I know that I'm okay for now, but I do know in the future that I probably will be on edge. I probably will be a little bit worried. But I'm not going to let one person's actions ruin the rest of my life. I'm not going to let him take another second of my life away.

Okay, first of all, I love Hannah and I loved... Oh my God, thank you so much. The story was awful, but... the part at the end when she says, I just want to help other women and I've been able to help other women, that is so inspiring and encouraging. So I'm just grateful for her for being brave enough to share. So we didn't really get into a deep analysis last week. So we're going to go from the beginning in Dogfish debrief, which if you're new to the dating detectives, that is when we talk about everything. We can learn, things that came up, maybe just. the nuggets we want to expand on.

We're just going to unpack the story together. It sucks that it started nice. Like she kind of was like, yeah, he moved in quick, but he slit the bills and paid for things. Like it was a green flag situation in a lot of ways. Like, yes, we say moving quickly is always something to be cautious of. But it's not always bad. It doesn't always turn out bad. Yeah.

Yeah. So they get married or they get engaged eight months. then because he was just so excited. But that's not super, super fast. Like eight months isn't a lot. I guess not. I mean, it's not like years, but it's definitely, I think, a reasonable amount of time.

In my opinion, I don't know. I think that, I mean, they said they really like never fought at the beginning, which always, it does make me think, it gives me pause partially because I'm just like somebody who doesn't keep my emotions down. so I, if I have a, like I just, if we're in a relationship, there's going to be a fight. It's not going to be an unhealthy fight. Rupure and repair. However, I just am like, oh, that's, I don't know, but I know other people don't feel that way.

So I think it's an interesting, is it a red flag or not if in the beginning you don't really fight very much? Yeah. But then they started happening when they got married. It's like a flip, a switch flipped. Yeah. But she could chalk it up to like, oh, we got married. Of course, there's more tension now. But if you don't know how to handle those fights from a semi-early stage, that worries me.

That's all. But then, yeah, he's got his unknown friend that he's moving, like those little red flags, the excuses like that. And she knew. I mean, like, in the back of her mind, she was like, huh, that's weird. But you don't have evidence yet. So what are you going to do? Be the crazy new wife, you know? Yeah.

It's like, oh, we just got married and now suddenly you want to be psycho and not believe what I'm doing. Oh, now we're married. You can act like this. No, it's, ah, he used the marriage almost as a reason to change. He used a lot of things that, and a lot of our dogfish do that where he talked about not wanting to go to a wedding because he didn't want to be the only black man there. And that's a fair feeling for him to have if it's honest. but now I don't believe anything. Like I think if he's going to get what he wants,

he'll use whatever sympathy he can get, which is invalidating to all the people that actually do have those needs. Exactly. Yes. And then the violence started and the sexual assault happened. And it was incredibly hard to listen to.

But I wanted to talk about her reaction after being raped. Yes. Because she talked about kind of conduct convincing herself and him convincing her that it wasn't rape. And I was looking into how that works and found rape trauma syndrome. I found a couple of things just basic about how trauma responses work. Like you're just denial is a form of survival. You're trying to protect yourself from being re-traumatized.

So if you can create a fiction in your brain, then maybe it's like, oh, that didn't really happen. And also staying silent or freezing or not making a move to leave or take action. It's not a voluntary choice usually. It's usually your body just going into that state for protection. So it's not like someone's like, hmm, what am I going to do now? It's very much a trauma response. But, okay, so this is from Rain, R-A-I-N-N, which is an organization that does a lot of work for rape and sexual assault survivors. And it talks about three phases that people go through after being assaulted.

The first one is the acute phase. So that's immediately after. That's like from a few days to a few weeks. And there's three different categories typically of how people react. And the first one is expressed. So you're very openly emotional. You're hysterical. You're crying.

You have anxiety attacks. You're agitated. And I do think she experienced that. Like she was aware. She called it for what it is. She told him, how could you do that? You know, like she was emotional. There's also controlled, which is when you appear without emotion and act like everything's fine.

That's often due to shock. So if you're being calm, it's not usually because you're actually calm. And then there's also shocked disbelief. So that's where you're just disoriented. You're having trouble concentrating. You can't make decisions. You can't do everyday tasks. and you might even not remember the assault very well.

And all three make sense to me, and they're not the only like three, you know, they're just the most common ways that people respond. And then there's the outward adjustment phase. And that's when you try to resume normal life, but there's a lot going on inside, obviously. And then there's five main coping techniques that people fall into. And the first one is minimization,

where you're just like, everything's fine. And specifically, I think this speaks to a lot of people. It could have been worse is a way that you describe it to yourself. So you might acknowledge that it happened, but you still kind of push it down. There's dramatization, which is when you really can't stop talking about it. And it becomes dominant in your entire life and your identity. It's like your whole life all of a sudden. And there's suppression.

And that's when you act like it didn't happen. And there's a lot of very justifiable reasons for that. I think like we can talk about it. You're scared of further harm. You're scared of self-blame and the implications of that. You're scared of the legal process. You were groomed. And I think he tried to play into that.

I don't know that it was like the same grooming that we talk about in other ways. But just by saying like, oh, you're into this sexual thing. You like this. You wanted this. It makes it confusing. You know, so you're just really confused. And then also another reason it's because you're emotionally attached.

You love this person. Yeah. You don't want them to have raped you. Yeah. Then another response is explanation. Like you're just analyzing everything. You're trying to understand what happened. And you might really get into what the rapist was thinking and feeling.

And I think that makes a lot of sense where you're like trying to justify their actions. You might be able to acknowledge that it happened. But yeah, well, he was dealing with this. He's got this trauma. background from his childhood. That's so true. And reminder, I use he because that's what we're talking about, but it's not always men. And then the last one is flight. You just try to escape the pain. You move. You change

your job. You change your appearance. You change your relationships. You GTFO. And it's very possible to jump between these responses. Healing is not linear. You move forward and backwards and all over the place. And this is also the stage of all of the symptoms of anxiety and fear and maybe sleep problems or eating disorders and withdrawing. There's so many trauma responses that I want. The reason I wanted to go through all of this is just so people recognize that your response is normal. However, you respond, basically.

Like, these are all scientifically backed. And then finally, there's a resolution phase, which is acceptance moving on to the extent that you can. You never really move on, but you can continue your life. life. Yeah. And I just think it's important to know this because of how many people wonder why someone stays with a rapist, why someone defends their rapist. Why do you stay? Why do you stay? And there's so many reasons. And it's not, it's not at a conscious level. It's happening beneath the surface. And can I also say I saw this in an article on psychology to

day. So I'll check the stats. But I trust this at this base level that it said almost one to fourth of survivors continue to have sex with their rapists and almost one third stay with their rapist. Wow. That's a huge number. It's sad, but it should make you realize that it's not because these people are weak or stupid or consciously choosing this. It's because of what happens in your response. traumatic response. Like it's just, and there's, there's a lot of benefits to ignoring it. You don't experience as much PTSD. Yeah, and there's no mandatory response to any of this, to any domestic abuse or any

or any rape or sexual assault. Like there's never, there's just never a mandate, like I should feel sad, but I don't or whatever you, it's just not mandatory. However you feel is totally legit every time. period. And that doesn't even get into us talking about how she was afraid of losing the family that she'd gotten close to. Yeah, that breaks my heart. Hurting him because of what he's threatened in the past and also the legal stuff. Like there's just so much that goes into acknowledging that you are a victim. Hmm. That's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. Hannah, thank you for sharing.

I was just like interested. Oh, you're talking about Hannah. It's confused. I was like, thank you me for sharing. What we do, girl. No, thank you for sharing too because I think that's so important. But also to our guest, Hannah, because there's so many times when people stay quiet because they don't want to be perceived a certain way. And I feel like it's more important to say it out loud. And you could be a blessing to someone else. You could really inspire or encourage someone else with your story.

And that's why we ask you to continue to talk about it and continue to share. If you want to, if not, then I hope that some of our guests. provide you with some hope and comfort. Totally. And it's, we've got a lot more work to do. I mean, we talked about it. Totally. Absolutely.

Yeah. Yeah. The laws have not changed fast enough. And I think it was 1993. They can't keep up. 1993 was when it became illegal to rape your spouse. Isn't that crazy? It wasn't illegal until then.

Like, I was born at that. Like, I was like, I, that's in my generation. That's crazy. crazy. Other stuff that after that happened. Oh. There's more and more and more. I mean, there was so much to take in.

I kind of, obviously, there was so much domestic violence and threatening behavior. And I'm so glad that her experience with law enforcement and the justice system was good. Because that's not always the case. But the fact that the police believed her and also were very clear. about like you got to take this seriously. This is a threat. Like he is a threat. She needed that.

The next time I see you, I'll be taking you away in a body bag. That gave me full body chills. I'm glad that he said that because she said that was the one thing that really made her think, damn, he's right. If this continues,

this could be deadly. Because when you're in it, it's so hard to see and you see the good side of them and you see the side he fell in love with and you don't know how the response is going to be. would you actually move on? Like I think having that one or two other people

that just kind of shake you by the shoulders is so helpful. And then the victim advocate she talked about, let us know if you guys would be interested in trying to talk to either her or any victim advocate because I think that would be a really cool Patreon episode. The victim advocate, I think, would be so beneficial to hear from. Just because I feel like that would provide hope as well and more information. Like, well, what do victim advocates do? How do they help?

And if you are someone going through that or most of us know someone that's going through something that's scary like that, it can help you help someone else too. So it's just, I would love to hear from her. Also, if any of you want to become a victim advocate, it would be cool to hear about that process. I love that Hannah was like, that's something I'm considering now. I know. I know.

It's so special. She's making the best out of the worst possible situation, sharing her story and connecting with these people. So I loved hearing all about that. There's a lot that she learned about her ex-husband, which is insane stuff. Like he was quote unquote, Polly. He told people, I can't believe he was like, no, we're in a thruple. And it's like, wait, what? Dragging out the case to get victims to drop cases.

I wrote down because I think that's... Isn't that terrible? That's manipulation. That's manipulation. How often do you, like, you've been as a PI. I know you've like seen more court stuff. I don't know. Like, does that just happen all the time

where people are just like trying to like run the clock and run the bill that run the tab up? Yeah. So they'll do that in order to get someone to like settle on a case. So they want it because it makes them money, but also they want to get rid of it. they want to get it off their docket because then it just like piles up and it's it's just costing everybody more money. And then it's like, well, what's a solution? Well, we don't have a let's just

settle. So when you hear a case and someone's like, oh, they settled out of court, it's because this would have taken years to go through litigation. And so they're like, listen, that's going to take too long. Just give me a settlement, period. And so that's what people want to do. And so they they just want to get over with it as soon as possible. And I do think that unfortunately, that happens more than we want to admit. Well, especially in a case like this, it's so annoying that they play on the victim's trauma because they know that a case is going to be traumatic. Like I think forcing it to be drawn out is just keeping the victim in this place and not

allowing them to move on. And so, of course, eventually they might drop it or want to do whatever they can to get away from that situation. Like, that just makes me so upset. Yeah. And I wish there was some kind of way to be like, no, you can't do that. that for this kind of case. Yeah.

So who do I talk to? I have a question as a social media performer, but I'm curious if you, like, when she was talking about posting on TikTok, she, now I'm less concerned, but she was posting during the trial. Like, could that have hurt her case to be posting? Mm-hmm. Okay. I wasn't sure.

So, okay, when you make a video or when someone says something and it's recorded, if you say, I really hate you, Hannah. You really got me on that surprise birthday party. But they, they take out, I really hate you, Hannah. Yeah. Like, oh, I hate you, girl. I can't believe you surprise me. I can't believe you're whatever. So you say, the words that you say are taken out of context. So anything that she said could have been presented to a jury or to a court the words individually. So they could have not had the whole context of the whole video. So anybody trying to prove something could say, but these are the words she said. And she could say, but that's not the whole sentence. That's not what I, that's not what you said. They're like,

but you said these words. And so little things like that could really be taken out of context. And that's how it hurts you. And if she says anything that is different, like, oh, he was wearing, he was wearing blue pants. And then the next time she says, his. blue green pants and they're like, well, were they blue or were they blue green? Now you don't know. You're lying. You're a liar. Oh, I mean, I love how open she's been on social media. And obviously it's changed your life for the better and the case is done. So now it's fine. But I just wanted to point that out because if you are somebody that wants to get up and talk about what's happened to you,

like just cross your T's and dot your eyes. Like talk to any legal people, victim advocates or anybody in your circle to make sure that when you go on. on to tell your story. Like you do it in a way that protects you because I would hate for anybody to start talking about what happened to them and then it comes back to bite them because we are obviously always encouraging you to talk about what happened to you if it helps. Yeah. Well, I'm glad it worked out in her favor. I mean, to the extent that it did, four years is not enough. But at least he got some jail time and I'm nervous for when he gets out. I know. I was thinking that too. I was like, but when he gets out, what's going to happen?

Like, he still thinks she says, why? He, whatever. I'm not into it. I don't. I don't. Yeah. I don't know. And you guys have been really helpful in the past when we've had cases with people dealing with jail, honestly.

And like, their aggressor being in prison. Like, I know there are resources for victims like that when they come out. So if you've ever experienced anything that you want to pass along to Hannah, resources, suggestions, support. It's so amazing when you guys do that. I can't. Our community, how amazing is our community? The best.

It's so freaking good. You guys are freaking insane. We just love you. Thank you. I feel like we've started really weeding out the buttheads. And it's like everybody here is on board with the idea that our guests are never to blame. We can learn from them and empower ourselves. but like we're all in this together.

High school musical. Absolutely. Like I really feel that from you guys. Anything else that you want to talk about or? No, I can't wait. I can't wait to hear how responsive and supportive our guests are. And just I'm just, I'm grateful for Hannah for sharing. And I don't know.

I just, I'm excited to see who this helps. I know. I know. And if you have a story, we're always here for you. Yeah, email us. Investigate at the dating detectivespodcast.com. Come to our live shows and join our Patreon. Everything's in the show notes.

The ads, the live show tickets, the Patreon, the socials, all the things. You guys are smart. You know how this works. Reach out to us. Stay in touch. We love you. We're hugging you from afar. This was a really hard story, but I'm so grateful for her.

But we're proud of you and we love you. And as always, trust your Fentuation.