The Dating Detectives - The Blackmailing Dogfish

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

Nancy tells Mackenzie and Hanna the harrowing story of how a dogfish took advantage of her cheating. *Nancy asked that her voice be anonymized for this episode. Tickets to our live show in Los Angeles on 3/21 are officially sold out! Email, message or leave a comment to let us know where we should go next! Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page! If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email [e-mail] or contact us through our website using this link This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Prose. Take your FREE in- depth hair consultation and get 50% off your first subscription order by going to prose.com/tdd This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Daily Harvest. To get $30 off your first box, plus free shipping, go to dailyharvest.com/tdd ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-723 for support. Good morning, you guys. It's earlier for me. So we're recording at a different time than normal. And it's like, it's like lunchtime here. And Hannah's like, I just woke up.

I need coffee. And I got my coffee. Thanks, boo. You look hot too. Coffee's disgusting, but it's fine. More for me. If anybody's new here, I don't like coffee. I think it's disgusting.

So don't judge me. She's not a coffee girl. It's okay. It's more for us, like I said. And also, my time is going to change. I'm going to be on your schedule because I'm going to be there in L.A. for the live show. I hope you guys are excited about the live show. It's our very first one. March 21st. Are you excited or nervous? Oh my God. I'm actually so excited because I'm nervous,

but I also feel like we're going to, it's going to be kind of intimate. Like, it's a smaller theater. So it's just in L.A. like, I feel like we're just going to get on stage and be like, guys, we haven't done this before. What's up? How you guys do it? We're going to tell you stories and talk to you. And everyone's just going to hopefully bear with us. We don't know what's going on. But thanks for being here. But we're happy to be here. So many people have already bought. tickets, you guys. I'm so freaking excited. Like, these are people that we get to. Yes, thank you. Because we get to talk to you guys online, but we don't actually get to connect with you. So that that connection piece for me is just so important. So I'm probably going to

cry. I think that's the thing. I'm not nervous, but I'm like, it's not really happening. Like, I don't really, it hasn't really like hit me that where you get to do that. It's very surreal for us. So thank you guys so much. And even if you can't come, we are so grateful for your support and your love and it has really meant the world to us. The show's going to be on Thursday, March 21st, and the ticket link is in the show notes on our social media. We'll blast it everywhere. But get them soon because like we said, it is kind of a smaller theater and we're selling pretty fast. So I think it hopefully will. And they're only 20 bucks. And we'll have merch there, right? Aren't we going to have merch there and stuff? Yeah, my mom's going to be at the merch table. Oh, I cannot wait to see her.

Oh my gosh. I'm so excited. So anyways, Let's get into today. Let's talk about our guest today. Hannah, what do you think? It's going to be a controversial story, and I'm so grateful she shared with us. She did, like, know in the middle of her story, so we'll just do a little bit. Like, there is some definite, some sexual assault, coercion stuff, blackmail, mental health. Those are the things that come up for everybody to be aware of.

Also, because of the nature of the story, our guest Nancy asked for her voice to be anonymized, and doing this does affect the audio a little bit. But this person was really generous with her story, and it's also kind of mind-boy. I actually, after we stopped recording, I went and talked to my roommate for like an hour about it because I was like, you got to hear what we just heard. And we just like talked through all the theories.

Yeah, it was pretty wild. And I'm curious to know what you guys think. But as always, I just want to make it clear that in these episodes, there's going to be things that we don't necessarily agree with. But as always, These are people that are sharing their stories with us, that they don't have to do that. And so it's just interesting to kind of learn more about people and their stories.

And so it's really important to us that we show respect and kindness to all of our guests. So just keep that in mind. But I'm still curious to know what your thoughts are after you hear the story. But just keep that in mind. Beautifully said. Are you ready to get into it? I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Let's do it.

Hi, Nancy. Thank you for being here. Hello. Nancy, take it away. We are ready to hear your story. Let's go, girl. Yeah, hi, my name is Nancy. My grandmother always said that classy women never aired their dirty laundry. But here we go. I am a very big heart that likes to make them decisions if you had to sum it up. But basically, I had gotten married in 2018. I had just moved to Arizona for work. So I didn't really know, buddy, the man I had been dating back home, decided to come with me when I got that job. And it was nice because it was closer to my family.

And it felt really like we were starting this new life. He was my best friend. We had talked about kids and it's something we both really wanted. Everything was going so well that we decided to get married. The wedding was amazing. And we are really happy for a couple months. But then I end up finding out that he was not aligned with me on having children. He was literally just giving me lip service, essentially.

Oh, wow. What a different expectation. Okay. And also there were a lot of other things going on. He was not interested in intimacy on an emotional level or even a physical level. It got to where we were literally roommate. And that was so, so hard because we already don't know anybody. I didn't really have anybody outside of work that I could really confide in or talk to you about this.

And it was just very isolating because your spouse is supposed to be your person, like the one you can feel safe with, to be honest with, and be open with, and work through hard things, whether they're related to that relationship or not. And it felt like I couldn't really talk about anything with him. And the more I tried to fight with him, to try and get him to change, to be more present, to be more loving, you know, the less the fights would work, if that makes sense. He just increasingly got more and more checked out

until I was just completely alone in the marriage. I've been there. And I was trying really hard to do all the things, like all the cooking, all the cleaning, total Susie Homemaker, trying to find ways to surprise him with things he really likes to do or like, because he's a musician,

finding him really cool stuff. I know he'll use on page and whatever, and just completely pouring into this and just kind of getting meh. He just would not be my husband at all. He would only be my roommate. Every chance I had to try to make a romantic evening, put it move on him, whatever.

Like, just was all pushed away. Like, don't touch me, leave me alone. I don't want any of this. It was very hard for me because it wasn't just the physical part. It was the emotional part. Like, I was basically just kind of left for myself. He wasn't, like, communicating anything. I hate that.

Yeah. Yeah. So now I'm left. with a roommate and I would also be the first in our family to get a divorce if I would to get a divorce so that was to me an option that's a lot of pressure on you it was very very alone so that's kind of the back story to where this all came right so that's the emotional mess I thought this marriage was going to be a certain way and it's not I was at the point where I was having to take social anxiety attack.

I was completely stuck. It is truly the loneliest, most depressed, darkest moment in my life. And I say all of that not to excuse what happens next in the story because I know what I did was wrong. But I hope that it can at least help explain why I did it. Yeah, for sure. Wow. So I was working at this fun little nightclub. I help with the lighting when they have live bands come in.

So when I first met Brian, he had been at the nightclub, and I was off work, and I was having a drink. I was hanging out on the patio with one or two of the other tech nerds, and he had come up to talk to us, hey, great job tonight, kind of a thing. I think he was actually looking for the band, but he found us instead. And he and I just started talking. But it turned out, I'm kind of obsessed with the true crime stuff. You're like, that's so cool. I'm a prophet server, and we started, like, sharing notes about, like, well, what does this mean? Can y'all really do this?

Like, we just started going back and forth about it. And I was fascinated. Yeah. So getting to pick his brain about that, getting to have a fresh face and a fresh personality to interact with, that being genuinely interested in me, interested in investing in me at the person with emotion and time and stuff. So he was actually a really nice breath of fresh air that my heart had been craving that I didn't know it was craving. I've been internally screaming about being empty. He's quieting that scream. He's filling that hole for me emotionally. And from there, we really just became friends. Like, he was essentially my only friend in Arizona since I moved

and we would just grab a beer after work and chat. It was so refreshing to just have someone I can talk to. unfortunately it did escalate and I am not proud of that but what it started as was just friendship I genuinely enjoyed his company that's part of why

we did hookup one night just got slaughtered drunk after a show and just went back to his place and so that relationship don't get me wrong there were hookups involved but most of them were like

drunk booty call kind of situation most of this was getting a lot, like that wasn't the press of this relationship. Most of it was basically him filling that emotional void for me. But then he started dropping hints that he wanted more. In my head, we were friends who hooked up some time. And then one day he said something that made me really realize that that's not the impression I was giving him. There was a conversation where I had been really upset with everything.

there was a lot of drama going on at home stuff that we had just had another blowup and he was like, I just want to know when we are going to be an actual thing. When are you going to lead him so you don't have all of those horrible war stories to mull over? Just move on and come be with me and I'm like, I'm still a married woman. This isn't like breaking up with a boyfriend. Yeah, we're enjoying this friendship and we're enjoying the, and things that are coming with it, but I am still married. And I need you not to forget that.

And it was kind of a wake-up call for me internally of, you know, kind of needed to check myself on this. You're still kind of thinking in terms of I can't get divorced because of my family. I need to try to make this work. Absolutely. And after that, Brian and I kept seeing each other, but mostly just as friends, I didn't really think anything of this and just kind of kept going about

my life. A couple weeks later, I get this message. So I'm at work and I get a message on my Facebook from this guy named Danny. And he's like, oh, I was just trying to check in. You work at the bar, right? Like, what do you mean? He's like, I miss seeing you at the club. What? And he's like, yeah, when are you working again? Last time I went up there, you weren't there. Now, I'm used to messages from people I don't know on social media. because that's where gigs come from. That is where a lot of the networking in the entertainment industry comes from. And so I'm used to getting messages and being really, really friendly and really open in,

hey, let's get to know you. So basically, it was just somebody that messaged me, and I was thinking, okay, this might have been one of the artists or whatever. So I asked him who he is. He introduces himself. He is a policeman, he says. He says, basically has he a picture of him in his uniform. Well, he still don't recognize him, but he looks like a good guy.

And we just interact back and forth. It's not super flirty at first, honestly. Like, it's really fun to talk about. We're telling each other horror stories, me about the drunk people I have to put up with when I'm working, him dealing with some of those drunk people when they leave the club. And he says that you guys have hung out before. That's what he says. And are you like, there's a chance that happened?

Or are you like, he's bullshitting and he's got me confused with someone else, but he's sweet. Like, where's your head at? In my mind, when we hang out, it's out on this balcony patio, right? And so anybody that's in that patio or even at the bar that's attached to that outdoor patio, like could be thinking they're a part of the conversation if it's just that's lounging out there yeah and so for all i know he thought he was more important than he was so that's why i was like he's like you winked at me one night you're like oh yeah that's the night i had something in my eye my allergies are bad but sure hon exactly exactly yeah but we have fun having those conversations

he tells me some crazy stuff about him being a cop that are funny stories and so we started texting every few days or so and it was kind of weird but it was also nice. He was very nice and charming and giving me a lot of affirmation while texting that I wasn't getting anywhere else. It was, you're so pretty, you're so good at what you do, you're really classy, you're really funny, you're really smart. It was, it was that affirming side.

I was not getting any kind of encouragement or affirmation from my husband when I would seek it out. he would back to annoying. So do I look okay? Like you always do without looking at me. Or the food tastes okay? I wouldn't be eating it if it wasn't, if it wasn't, you know, things like that. So Danny was really another facet of there's this hole in me that's kind of growing and screaming and festering.

And this is kind of helping cool that down a little bit. Makes you feel good about yourself. Yeah. What was the thing we heard yesterday? Mackenzie. Oh, I have been piping that all over social media. We were talking to a sex trafficking expert, but she said people prey on unmet needs of people and that can relate to relationships or in her case, she was talking about sex trafficking. But it was very interesting. And you realize that if you're in a bad relationship, people know how to manipulate one another. And it's all about those

unmet needs. It was incredible. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. We're talking back in for a few weeks. it's lighthearted, nothing crazy. He did get a little bit flirty, and one night when we were drinking and chatting, he sends me a nude. Huba, hubba, hubba. Yay, I don't know why. No one has ever gotten a nude from a man

and said anything other than, yay. I know as much. That's so true. No offense, but a little. little hint. Thanks. We like what it does. You don't have to look at it.

Yeah, there's nothing against it. It's just like, I don't know. It's not a Monet. Like, it's not... I love it. But then he started asking me for a nude in return, and I was pretty resistant to sending him any pictures like that. I was not really interested in giving everyone back,

but he would convince me otherwise. one night and went to the bathroom. I was going to take a shower before bed. So I did a whole photo shoot. Hello boys picture and immediately regretted it. But he was very appreciative. Like, oh, that's awesome. Thank you. Whatever. Let's never talk about that ever again. You said that to him or are you saying that to us? I told him that's all you're getting. I'm not comfortable doing that again. The next morning I'm texting in that because I think I just was so embarrassed I put the phone down.

I just freaked out. So a few more weeks are going by and then Danny sends me a message one day that his partner accidentally saw my picture. Wait, his partner

like his cop partner? Yeah. Oh, right. Okay, got it. And he thought it was really hot. It was a female partner? Oh, another dude. Okay. Yeah. Accidentally saw it. Okay. Yeah. How? Okay.

Accidentally. Yeah. And I'm, I'm just like, oh, my God, no. No, just delete it. I don't know why I didn't say it before. Just delete it, please. That's really embarrassing to me. I don't even want to think about the fact that I even took a picture in the first place. And he was like, ah, no, it's okay. You know, your secret's safe with us. Clearly not. Yeah, definitely. That's not true. Yeah. And he said, anyway, we just wanted to let you know. you thought you were really hot. Anyway, we were about to go on patrol.

And I was like, oh, I'll let you go. We were in the middle of, like, just a back and forth conversation. And he was like, no, it's okay. I'll have, like, landing can take over. He says, I've shared your phone number with Landon. He'll text you. Wait, what? Okay.

So he has now, apparently he's still contributing to the conversation, but it's Landon interacting. And Landon is a very different tone of voice. It's very much more stoic, not as good. he's downing. And you haven't spoken to these people. You've only texted with this guy, Danny. Correct. Okay. Correct. And basically, part of it was also not just so that we can quote unquote continue the conversation while they're on duty, but it's also he wants me to understand that I can trust them by me getting to know Landon. So I can trust him that he's not going to go blabbing about the picture he saw either.

That's some loopy-dupy logic, but okay, I guess. Yeah, I'm so like, wait a minute. I'm sorry, what? So just to clarify for the audience, because there are a lot of people involved in this story. Brian is the guy at the bar. Danny is the first police officer who messaged you on Facebook, and now his partner buddy is Landon. Yeah.

And then Landon texted me. Just, hey, what's it going on? And so that's when the two conversations kind of split from being a kind of all together. There was never like a group chat or a group text or anything, but that was where two different conversations started happening. So communicating with both of them felt really, really uneasy. My gut was screaming. My fintuition was screaming.

That's that fintuition. The ongoing dialogue. I mean, it wasn't just fulfilling any, like it was literally distracting me. Yeah, you were almost bored. from the pain I was experiencing out. I got it. It's kind of like playing a game on your phone, but it's just talking to people. Yeah. Right. Yeah. No, I think people do that with apps. Yeah. You know, it's complicated. And what you're talking

about is something I think a lot of people can relate to and don't talk about. Yeah. And it's like, you don't know how to verbalize that. You're uncomfortable, but you don't know how to verbalize that like that discomfort. But at the same time, it's like, hmm, this is different. But Anyway, so Danny and Landon are now, maybe every other day, one of them is messaging me, but say that they have this fantasy about hooking up with a girl in their SUV, like in uniform and everything. What? They're trying to create like a porno. Okay.

That's a common one. I'm just saying. No, for sure. I don't, I've heard. Okay. Oh my. So basically, one of the fun parts of my personality, again, the big part thing that, you know, gets in the stupid situations and you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes. But I have a hard time saying no.

Yeah. And because that's disappointing somebody. So when they brought up this threesome fantasy situation, I was a hard no. but instead of saying that I really just dodged the question, I would give excuses like, you know, it's just not a good time right now, whatever,

because I really should have cut it off at that point. My gut was saying, there is no reason for you to continue to have a conversation. Yeah, like it sounds, yeah, okay, yeah,

I agree. But my brain was going, but this is kind of interesting. And also, if I, it's like I say no, then I don't get to like, there goes my entertainment.

And I'm sure it's flat. flattering. Yeah. It's flattering. But to me, that was like a step too far. Like, okay, I screwed up with the nookie with Brian, but it's not like I'm like, well, might as well just go through everything that moves. You know, I'm not in that place. I'm really wanting to hope that I'm my husband and I can work it out. And I don't think this is the way to do it. So I'm trying to keep a just casual flirting. we still haven't even met so whatever but basically they start asking this almost every time i hear from them at one point though danny calls me out and says that he thinks that i'm just bringing them along and this is a few weeks into me constantly like batting them back like no no not now not now

yeah they should take a hint but okay yeah exactly and I'm finally like, you know what? No, I'm not going to be physical with me. I don't think that I'm comfortable with that. And Danny gets mad and basically says, I think you're just playing hard to get. And if not, then you just don't have time for us because you're sleeping with so many other people.

Ew, rude. Like, okay. Well, first of all, no slut shaming. Like, even if I was like Nunya, but also like how rude? Like, that's so. Ew. Yeah, they're like, oh, well, you've been messing with Brian.

So why do you have time for him and not for us? So when they bring up Brian, I am completely bewildered because I don't know how they would possibly know him. The only thing I can think of is because he's a process server. How much crossover do they have with police, right? Maybe. Yeah. So Landon says, well, you know what? Danny doesn't even want to talk to you anymore because he found out that you and Brian

and I'm really not interested in playing around with you anymore. I should just send this stuff to your husband. Oh, no. So I find out from Brian that he saw them at the courthouse. Like they were testifying for a case and he was there doing his job. I don't know. And how did you even come up? I'm so curious.

He said that they were looking at Danny's phone and had this picture up. When he walked by, he heard my name and he looked and saw the picture. And so. Okay. Did they make it the background on their phone? Like, how is this picture always out there? That sounds too funny. I love that story because it's so dumb.

Exactly. I could see how even though the. logic and some of this is weird. The immediate threat of like, we'll send this to your husband would probably throw all that out of the window because you're like, I don't really care how they know who. It's like, I have a bigger fish to fry right now. Right. And I'm just, at this point, I'm so confused at how all it's happening. Brian is mad that he has been pulled into this and mad at me for talking to these guys. And Danny and Landon are also pissed that I've been talking to Brian. I'm frustrated, but basically, Danie.

he feels friend zoned and so he has you are meeting up with us in person i say no and then landon sends me screenshot of my father's facebook profile my husband's facebook profile and my manager's facebook profile and he says you know all those screenshots i've been showing you guess what's going to them if you can see mackenzie's face right now y'all or draw us like on the floor i can't even okay where are we meeting where do you want to let's go yeah like i'm I am not. Let's go. I think that.

Also, they've positioned themselves. Just, I'm thinking through this. Like, they're police officers. He's a process server. Anyone involved in this is involved in law enforcement. So in terms of, like, revenge porn, you are less likely to be able to press a charge or bring this forward. Also, then you'd be probably with it.

Like, I get why you're like, oh, I can't do anything. It's almost like they're really good at this manipulation. And, like, they thought it through. Go figure. This is coercion. And this is like legitimately against the law. So I'm absolutely horrified, obviously. I don't want to be physical with them.

I don't want to like, this was just fun flirting. Why is it all of a sudden? How did we get here? There's also a lot of guilt in my brain of how did I put myself in this situation? Like, why did I talk to these guys in the first place? Why did I cheat? Why did I send that photo? I am just spiraling.

Also, if I am going to get a divorce, it's going to be on my terms. not because somebody's threatening me and I I'd rather handle it myself and so that makes me so mad like what a violation like what I mean I mean I'd be I would have been terrified too you know it's like what are they going to do if you meet them I don't know all right so it's not even just your husband like everybody else like that's no that's not okay so I we pick a bar I'm like I'll meet you there I walk in. Brian's sitting at the bar with a beer.

Oh, for the love of the lamb. I'm like, oh, shit. So, like, I kind of duck and hide and I message Danny. I'm like, don't come in yet. Brian's here. I don't even want to hear the rest of the story. Let me find these folks as parents.

Hold on now. He's like, I'll be right back. Where is your mother? I see him there. See any text back that I'm flaking again. so screw you all this stuff's go into your husband

for sending all of it and I'm like no wait stop please wait no I'm like hyperventilating and in the middle of that I put on my queen of masking vibe and pop back up from the behind the bar

hey Brian he's actually seeing you here oh my god hey and he just blared at me and I'm like hey yeah I'm just just meet with some friends. How long are you sticking around?

Like just trying to pass it off, failing miserably at it. I keep looking down at my phone, and he puts his hand in my phone just as it kind of puts it down on the table, and he's like, I know why you're here. I've been here. I have a theory, but I'm keeping it. I'm keeping it locked. And then he shows me his phone. And it's the picture.

Oh, my God. Only it has graffitied. Oh, it's been graffitied, like. where you can go in and draw with your finger with all of the inappropriate words for women and women written all over it. Oh my God. So. I'm so, so sorry.

That's so like names. And I need batch numbers. I need language numbers. So at this point, I'm like, well, I'm screwed now. but I'm grateful that Brian's at least there because I'm panicking at least he's a calm spot for me. He knows what's going on. He knows about the blackmail too.

Maybe he can give me some ideas on how to fix it or how to just deal with these dirks and I can at least get a little bit of comfort out of him for it. So I just sit down and order a beer and have a beer with him. I apologize so profusely for trying to skirt around why I'm there. He makes this huge show of being concerned. concerned for my safety around these present men. And this big tirade about how the police job roles

attracts certain personality types and they're all messed up and they're all evil and you can't trust them and all this other crap. And I was like, well, I didn't come for a sermon, but thank you. He's trying to make you like dependent on him. Yeah. Yeah. And so I'm like, well, that was. was a beer. I'm going to go see how ruined my life is. I'll talk to you later. So I leave.

Oh, that's a rude. I text Danny. Where are you guys? I don't see you in the parking lot. Where are you expecting me to do? What am I supposed to do? Please don't send the stuff. What can I do? What can I do? And Danny finally messages me saying, oh, we're back on duty. You'll have another chance, though. So a couple weeks going by, I'm just like on edge every single day. Every time I see a cop car, I'm like kind of hyperventilate a little bit. Yeah, hell yeah, I would too. Every time my phone goes off, I'm like, oh, what are they going to make me do now? That's so awful.

So for weeks, they are saying you're going to have to prove yourself. And then one day I get a text from them that says, I essentially have to record a sex tape with another man and send it to them. No. Oh my God. I'm like, okay, that's impossible because I can't just ask my husband. We haven't been intimate for two years. And I'm going to pop in and say, oh, can I record this, by the way? I'm going to lose my shit. I'm going to leave it.

So the only person I can reach out to for this. Brian, great. I hate everyone. Literally, I hate it. Literally, I hate it. Literally everyone. So I asked Brian if he would be willing to help me with this. And at first he's really put off because why am I doing anything for Danny and Landon instead of for him? A. But the chance to have to sleep with me, yes, of course. So he's talking about, we'll just do it at my place.

No, I don't want anything of your home involved in this. I need to be far away from here. I don't want anybody to recognize me going in and out of that hotel, the reception to have anything. So we drove about an hour out to the next big city, a couple hours out. Got the crappiest, speediest little motel ever. And, yeah, recorded it. And, of course, we weren't thinking of lighting.

So did that, and it was horrible. I never want to do that again. I'm so sorry. Virtual hub. Yeah. When I sent it, it was just like two or three flips, or less than 30 seconds each. But that wasn't good enough, but they were too dark. Oh, my God.

So they say it's too dark. It doesn't count, but you'll have another chance to prove yourself. Apparently, there are posts on Reddit that are kind of like Craig Flip, okay, where you can basically, it's a thread where you're like discrete hookups. Okay. And they say, you have one more chance. and you're going to meet with this person. Here's their number.

Who is this person? Are you joking? No. It's horrible. They met him on this thread. And so I meet up with this person. They seem as freaked out as I do. Because I'm like, oh, we have to get certain pictures, by the way.

And it's a man. And he's like, what is he, can you tell us about this? Like, what does he say? He was like, I just thought I was just thought I was just, have a nice little afternoon with somebody that wasn't my wife. Oh, so he was trying to be discreet to. I didn't know I was going to get implicated. And yeah.

And I'm like, nope, I got to take pictures. Otherwise, my whole life is kind of exploded. And I'm sorry. I can't. I'm so mad. Like, I'm seething. Okay. Yeah.

This is rape. This is a, this is a violation. This is a 100% rape. Like, this is sex by coercion. A thousand percent. This is abuse. This is no. no doubt at all

but what are you going to do call the cops right exactly so but basically the video that we took was too long for me to message and so they give me an email address and I send it to that email address

and then I go to my print folder to make sure it's sent and I'm going to delete it because I never want to think about this ever again and you know how Google automatically assign people's name Oh no. Yes, yes. It was Brian's email.

I. So they gave you an email and set you up to send it to Brian? Yes. Oh, okay. Well, what was going through your head when you saw that? When I saw that, that's when I started exploding back at them. I'm like, you know what? I don't think I can do this anymore.

I am done because I'm horrified because now I'm going to have to deal with Brian and deal with all of his crying and whimpering and sadness over me betraying and by sending him that whatever. So when I say I am done, I can't do this anymore because at this point, emotionally and mentally, I am at the breaking point, I won't survive this anymore. Like nobody knows this is going on at work, at home. Who can you tell? No one.

No, no. I just turn on a happy face. But I'm at the point where I can't really hide this anymore. I'm too broken up. I am too wound tight. It's going to start exploding. So I decide that I need the blackmail to end more than I don't want my husband to know about this. I'm going to go home and tell Hunter what's going on.

Tell your husband? Yeah. and so then I go and I give him a modified version I basically tell him one of my stupid drunk nights when you were working night I sent an inappropriate picture and it is blown out of proportion

into this horrible blackmail where they're trying to get me to do things unless I tell you and maybe I don't I don't want to tell you everything I don't think that's necessary I do want you to know that this happened and I betrayed you but I

I'm so done dealing with that and I really I need to be more engaged in our relationships and honestly to me that is not a you need to step it up that is a I need to retoken right

and he did need to step it up and let's not let's not play but at the same time I'm like I need to own this this is me this is my problem I need you to forgive me and I need to work on this and I need you to support me if you're working on this Yes.

Do you want to stay married? That was his question. That was the only question. But I'm like, yes. I think if you will have me, yes, I want to stay married. And I want to look at what, you know, this means and how we can use it to build a relationship back. Yeah. Yeah.

At weekend, we go to my parents for dinner and I tell them an even more abbreviated version, And just, hey, by the way, these cops were messing around with me hardcore. And I'm asking Brian, since he does process serving, I've been asking, and I'm not going to pay for a lawyer at this point, but I've been asking him, are there some little things I can do? And so he found me, it's basically like a civil cease and desist for him that maybe I can't serve. I need some help filling it out, or at least the parts that I'm comfortable with you beating. I need help filling it out. Okay. And so my parents were, yeah, they were, they were like, let's do it.

So basically, okay, cash out of the bag. I can finally breathe without crying. Brian is constantly messaging me, how is your parents taking it? How is Hunter taking it? How is everything going? How is like, every, like, is there anything I can do to help? Have you used the forms yet? Things like that.

And I'm just like, you know, can you get me? give me like three feet every time I would be crying it would just flood back the memories of looking at the files of him and me that I had to spend

reliving the shame I felt from realizing I'd sent him a video that I didn't mean to send him I just couldn't I couldn't survive like that anymore and I couldn't continue to spend time with him

and like everything's okay. It literally felt like I was completely empty and had no strength to draw to mask professionally, as usual. And so I told him I needed, I just need his face. I can't, I'm sorry, I can't hang out with you right now. And he did not take it very gracefully. At first he was like, okay, well, we'll try tomorrow. And I'm like, no, I mean, I don't need to see you for a while. And that really upset him and his reaction really upset me, but I felt completely broken.

But again, it felt like I broke stronger. I broke to the point where I don't really care if it upset you. That was kind of that defining moment for me where I feel really bad that I'm disappointing you to, I really don't care that you're upset with me about this because I can't survive if I keep letting your feelings dictate how I feel and how I operate. Like, I literally will not survive that. So after that, there's a few weeks where things are really quiet and it feels like it might be over. And even though there's a relief in that, there's also this feeling that there's something still unsettled about it all.

I don't know what happened. It's so terrifying that I can't figure out what happened. I don't, like, I feel like there's something missing. I don't know everything that went on and there was something else going on I feel like I was missing something the entire time and I couldn't figure out what it was but then out of the blue

Landon messages me again and he's trying to get me to do more stuff and he's like hey haven't heard from you a while and I'm like yeah with good reason leave me alone yeah well it's your first fucking clue of course you haven't heard from me goodbye and he's like well I mean

I can still share this stuff You got her talk to me. I'm like, no. Oh, for the love of God. I'm done. We're done. Yeah, you took your power from them. Exactly.

And I said, I've already told everybody. He's like, yeah, but damn it's seen it. So it's just constantly, please leave me alone. Please leave me alone. Please leave me alone. Not responding. And then the last message was, I'm going to have so much fun going nuclear this weekend. I hope you're ready.

But basically it was, I thought everything was over. And he's basically saying it's never actually going to be over. He says all this. That's going to be fun going nuclear. I hope you're ready. I never see anything of it. I don't know what it meant. I don't know what the point was.

But basically, I'm like, just keep waiting. I'm just like on edge, hence up, ready for a post on Facebook or a call from somebody or whatever. And then I start getting these messages

on Facebook, on Instagram, also on my text messages of things like, I bet, you're a good time. I was told to ask if you wanted to get together. There was very, very specific one I actually wanted to read you guys because these are all numbers I've never seen before. So somehow people got your info. Yeah. And they're referencing Landin or Danny if I'm like, who are you? And so I started saving them or screenshoting them and I am going to read this out loud. The first message says, good evening, heard you were one who,

likes to party hard with no limits. Not sure I buy what they say, but no shot taken, none hits the target. Of course, I was also given some damning information and a point of contact that may be interested in your extramarital affairs if that is the whip needed to drive you forward. Oh, Lord. Then the next message, these are like, these are like less than 10 minutes apart. Okay. And before you ask, that's all the intro info on giving up, although I was,

directed to state, non-disclosure declarations directed at a third party have no bearing on the fourth. Gonna have some fun tonight. What? Okay, I said, McKinsey's face is. My wheel, they're spinning so fast. Oh, yeah. Like, they're burning rubber on the roads in my head. So then one of the other big things I'm recognizing because I still do big.

And when I'm at these gigs to do the lighting, I'm running into Brian's gigs. And it's weird that it is always there, but whatever. But then I get a flurry of these text messages days after I run into Brian. And then you don't see him for a while and these slow down and then they come back after you say. Oh, yeah. Exactly. So when I recognize that, I message him. Like, hey, are you being followed?

What? Oh. because I'm thinking that if they are like watching him every time he interacts with me then they're like oh let's go dig a little more oh right you being followed because we are so yeah Danny and Landon were kind of using this on him okay I'm with you sorry yeah so these text messages I would say honestly they haven't really stopped I was actually looking again last week. The last message it was December of

2023. So literally just a couple months ago. So after all of this, Hunter and I tried to make this work. I really wanted to be that good wife, the one marriage woman.

But we did end up getting a divorce. It was amicable. We are great friends. We are shitty sound. So I start dating again and I meet a great guy and I'm telling him about Brian and just a little bit about this whole situation. And I have this realization while retelling it. I'm putting the pieces together of wait. Every time I saw Brian at a gig, I would start getting the texts again or, you know, just things like that. And the pieces that felt like they were missing this whole time start to come into place. Oh my God, there was no Landon, there was no Danny. This was all Brian. So was your Femtuation telling you it was Brian? The entire time. It was Brian's. Like, so, for example, when he would show up at places, the performances, that stopped when I traded in my car. Oh. So he was coming to your gigs and you think, who's tracking your car? So do you

think that it was Brian all along? I think it would make sense if he wanted to punish me for not wanting to be with him. I mean, he's my husband for him. I, so there was none of these other numbers guys. Which means there were no cops. No cops, no random numbers.

Oh my God, and then he put the, the Reddit, yeah, I was thinking this. I had a moment where I was like, this is too convenient, but I get, I mean, hindsight is 20-20. You can't see the forest through the trees when all the trees are falling on you at one. We'd love to say that.

So don't feel like you should have known. But I'm like, ah! Well, the fact that it all was like, I don't know what it's a better way, like if it's like a blurry image of a landscape or if it's like an unfinished puzzle, you're waiting for that one little click for it all to make sense.

And you can't figure it out. It's just pure chaos and then click. And like, I'm like, obviously this was all him. Wait, what about the other guy's picture into the dick pics. I don't know. I don't know who those people are. I don't know if they exist.

I feel like, hold on. I feel like Molly, you can agree you're not, but I feel like I want to go do some research on my own. Give me some time. And then we'll reconvene. Nancy, send me the photos. Send me everything you have. And I will do a little digging

and see if we can get to the bottom of this. That sounds amazing. I would love that. Let's do it. Hi again, Nancy. and of course hi Hannah. Hi, so we're back. It's been a minute.

Yeah, it's been a little minute. So I hope you enjoyed that commercial break. So anyways, this is what I have found. Okay, Nancy, are you ready to hear? So this is about the mystery of if it's Brian. So that's what we're about to find out. Yeah, we're going to find out this whole like situation. Okay, so first of all, first of all,

the numbers are burner numbers. So you can get, and just so ever. know it's pretty there's I hate to say this kind of out loud because I don't want anybody to take advantage of it but burner phones are like they're not they are traceable but they're the numbers are not like you you can't just like type in a burner phone number and be like oh this goes to this person like it involves warrants it involves subpoenas like there's a lot more than just like tracing it back so very rarely are you able to find that but they they're definitely there's burner phones when I looked into Brian and did some searches on him I was able to find a ton of

or emails that he owns. So that is definitely a little sketchy. And then I was able to reverse image search all the pictures that Danny and Landon sent you. And that was a real shock. The images that were sent to you were not from anyone named Danny or Landon. The pictures are from Russia. These are images that someone took off the internet and these images were uploaded in Russia from Russia. These are Russian people that is not even like legitimately real.

So it looks like someone just went and stole a bunch of pictures. And this person's not like a Russian in the U.S. Like this is from school on. These initiated from a computer in Russia or from a device in actual Russia. And so. That's creepy. Yeah. So these are like Russian men like Russian website.

And this is a catfish and this is a catfish and dogfish all at the same time. Catfish and dogfish. This is like, but this is like a catfish dogfish slash multiple personality fish. And like they created a bunch of dogfish under the umbrella of this one catfish. Like this is wild. And then the last thing is he told you that he is a process server. Well, process servers need a license to do that job. And Brian does not have a license to be a process server.

So I don't know what he does do for a living, but it is not that. Oh, my gosh. I wonder how many of the stories. he totally relies, thinking on it now. All the meetings where he'd be going to talk to client or serving in crazy situations or, wow, that's you. Because without the license that he would need, like half of those experiences that he would tell me about more than half of them would not have happened or he's telling

somebody else's story. That's crazy. So there's no way to tell with 100% uncertainty that this guy is who he says he is, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that he is lying about who he says he is. And he is not exactly who he says he is. So although I don't know that this guy's the blackmailer per se, I can't prove that. But I mean, like I said, it doesn't take that. I have my guess.

Like it's kind of like, I got theories. It's fine. But we can make an educated guess and come to the conclusion in our minds collectively that this is very, very, likely this fella's situation and boy oh boy was I anger I was mad I was like I was so mad that all of this happened to you Nancy like such a violation and it's almost it's almost even crazier because you feel like you were violated by so many different people when really it's this one person like what a mind fuck and how horrible and I'm just so sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry but nobody deserves that like this is not that's oh that's awful this guy he's off his rocker

I can't. I really want to call his mom. I know. Well, and I think I was easy. Well, like we've, like Hannah and I discovered when talking to a sex trafficking expert, one of the things that really stuck out to us is when it comes to relationships and people being manipulated, they prey on unmet needs of others. And that goes back to whatever trauma, whatever we've experienced.

In Nancy's case, in your case, Nancy, you said, Your husband was kind of, he kind of abandoned you in your marriage while you're sitting right there and you're kind of mourning the loss of him and he's sitting right next to you. That's really hard. And so you have those unmet needs that this fella allegedly, he prayed upon those unmet needs. And that's exactly what happens. And it's awful. And I'm so sorry that happened to you. But I'm actually really glad that you shared your story because other women are going to hear it and they're going to be like, oh my gosh, this is happening to me or this has happened to me.

they're going to feel less alone. And for some women, they might even recognize what's happening to them because you've told your story. And it might help them. So I'm just so grateful for you. And it's really hard to share all of that and kind of, I don't know, it's embarrassing when you've been duped, you know? Yeah. And I've grown up under the, you live with the natural consequences of your action. So I still struggle with this that I still cheated.

It's technically my fault But then it's like Fighting back against that Pushing back and saying I didn't Not all of that is my fault But none of it I didn't hold all of that

But it's not That's what I'm saying is that like Regardless of the cheating situation It's not something you deserved Period Like there's no There's no arguing that Like if somebody say well she cheated

Like then it's on her Like that's like saying Well she wore short short shorts So she deserved it absolutely not. That's not okay. No. It's just not, it's not for anybody to determine. Now, obviously, as a human, you're like, well, I kind of did cheat. Like you, you know, and it's, you feel ashamed or whatever, right? And that's totally normal. But at the end of the day, you don't deserve for that to happen to you whether or not you cheated. Do you know what I mean?

Like, this is still something that happened to you that should not have happened. Like, it just, it's not okay. I don't care. Part of why your story is so important is because of, you being in the position you were in, which is one other people can absolutely relate to, made you more vulnerable to this type of deception and made you the target that you were. And I think it's important for other people. Because other people, we're all, like,

we're all going to make mistakes. We're all going to do things that maybe we regret doing. But like McKenzie said, it doesn't mean we deserve it. And the awareness around the fact that people want to take advantage of us, especially at our lowest, especially at our most vulnerable, it doesn't mean that we can't trust anybody, but it is empowering to have that knowledge.

And I think you're helping people with that. I think so too. And again, just to make it clear, just because you cheated and made that mistake does not mean you don't deserve to tell your story and have it be heard. What happened to you was horrible. It was rape, and that is true,

regardless of what you did before that. That means so so much. It actually really, really does, because I think a lot of us deal with shame on a level we never really talk about anyway. Oh, that's so true. If I wasn't so busy feeling the shame in the midst of all of that, I probably would have been paying more attention to how absolutely knuck and futts the whole situation was.

Sure. Thank you for saying that. I think that's important to say. To be very, very, very clear, this particular story is not about Nancy cheating and being dogfish, right? This is a story of a woman who was manipulated by at least one person who lied, coerced, and forced her by way of un-blackmailing whatever. And he used that to get her to participate in sexual acts that she would not have otherwise participated in. And that is wrong. I don't care. Cheating or not, I don't care. That's wrong. That is just like saying she wore short shorts,

And so she deserved it. It's just, that's exactly what it's not the same. And I, I'm sorry. We're so sorry. And we're, yeah, I think, again, just we're so sorry about what happened through this whole story. I'm just proud of you for sharing it. Good for you because how hard is it to admit that number one that you cheat on your

husband, you know, regardless of like where you were in your relationship or whatever, but number two, to know that like then not only that, which is already we find so much shame in, right? And then to come back and to admit that we allowed ourselves to be due. by a manipulator that we wouldn't have been duped by had we not cheated on our husband like that's really shitty to feel like we we don't need help feeling bad but also we need to support one another and even in our bad decisions like no you know like we would never like you know to blame Brian we need to blame Brian because he's the one that we need to be

perpetrator saying our anger at no I'm livid but I'm also like grateful for you Nancy so thank you and you're a delight thank you for coming on and sharing with me. You're amazing. Whoa. I'm still taking it all in. I mean, it's so sad. We'll start there. I think even we've,

I think we made it clear how we felt, but there's so many elements of that story that sometimes it's hard to give each one the weight that it serves. But like all of the sexual abuse and coercion stuff is still like weighing very heavily on me after hearing that. It just, I guess I just really, it just breaks my heart like that. It just sucks that there are people in this world who will hurt someone in that way. Like I just, I can't wrap my head around it.

It's awful. It's devastating. Especially somebody like he made a, he had a relationship with her. Like he was close to her. She saw him as her best friend in a time. And he knew that. And he took advantage of that. And that's typical.

That's what they do. They take advantage of those unmet needs. Oh my gosh. It was a lot. It was, yeah. Have you seen a lot of cases or have you seen other cases of somebody, having an affair and then it coming back to bite them in terms of blackmail or being used against them because I was thinking about how okay my honestly was thinking about black mirror

and how this has come up on black mirror where it's like that's such a good show such a good show somebody will do something bad that they want to keep hidden and then it's just obviously used as blackmail against them but I was thinking about that in relationships anyway I actually have had a couple of cases where they have like so obviously a lot of the time it's hey I think someone's cheating and you go find out. Like that's, that's a majority of the cases, right? But there are those cases where someone will come to me and they'll say, hey, so listen, I did this thing and now I got myself in a friggin a world of hurt. I don't know how to fix it. Help me. What do I need to do? Like, who is this person? I need to find out more about them because now they're doing this to me.

And it's always like, I'm just not someone who's going to be like, well, you cheated. So you kind of deserve this. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm just, it's just like, I don't care what you've done. Like if you need information that and I'm someone who is licensed and knowledgeable and can get those, get the information that you need in a legal way that is safe, then I'm going to do that. I'm not going to hold it against you. Like, no, I'm not helping you. We all make bad decisions. We all make mistakes.

We are all flawed people. At the end of the day, we're just human, like you said, like that, you know. And also that's what makes us people. That's part of humanity is extending that grace to people that we don't agree with. It's an interesting dichotomy with the case like this, but at the end of the day, the main thing here is the dogfish, the person who lied about who they were to manipulate, con, defraud, and basically terrify this woman into doing what they wanted her to do. And it's, it's not okay. Either way. No one deserves it.

I'm interested to hear what our audience has to say and like their thoughts on it because it is a conflicting. I can see how it would be conflicting, you know? Yeah. No one deserves this, though. I don't think. I will say this kind of story is a great advertisement for not cheating. Like if anyone was thinking about it, don't do it. Yeah.

And also this is one of those things where when you're talking to someone, definitely get them on that FaceTime. Like we've talked about that. Like what's a great thing to do when you first start dating someone or you start talking to someone on an online app or something? Get them on the FaceTime immediately confirm they are real. That's my takeaway. It's like confirm who you are talking to and make sure you need.

know more about them than they know about you. I'm so sad that this comes up so much. She was in a place where she wasn't secure and wasn't feeling loved. And so it made it a lot easier to get into a relationship where she wasn't verifying who they were. And she was talking to people online. And I have compassion for anyone who's been in that position because of course we can sit here and be like, verify them, which is true.

We should. And hopefully this podcast makes people more aware. But I get where people can be in a low point and sometimes let their femme tuition sit. on the back burner. And no shame. We just move forward with new knowledge. But, man. But I'm, I'm really proud of her for telling her story because a lot of people hold so much shame when they do something like that, especially for her case, it's twofold because number one, she cheated, which that's really hard to admit. That's embarrassing and you feel shameful. And number two, you got duped, right? Like you got lied to. You got scammed. And no one wants to admit those things.

So for her to come on and share that vulnerable story with us, I think was really brave. And I love that because the more stories we hear like this, the more other people can see that this is real. This does exist. Be careful. Pay attention. And if this is happening to you, it's like, oh, I heard this story. And that sounds like something that's happening to me. So I'm really, really proud of her for sharing her story.

Me too. And if you guys have any stories, too, you can share them with us. This is a safe place to do that. And we want to hear what you've gone. through we want to hear your story no matter what part of the story is yours we want to hear from you so just send us an email with the information and you know let us but i hannah will tell you the email address i will our email is investigate at the dating detectives podcast dot com and if your story you feel like a lot of people will be like oh i have a story but i don't feel like it's a whole episode or it's

like it's not as dramatic. Send it anyway. We, one, just want to hear your stories and are here for you. Hello, doggy. I heard a doggy. Hi, Jewel. But two, our Patreon is the place where we sometimes respond to stories that aren't as complete or if somebody needs advice or if somebody just wants to vent about something.

We've had some great ones recently where someone was like, this isn't romantic, but it's about the workplace dogfish or a friend dogfish. Like, we're here for all of them, so don't feel inhibited. And you never know when telling your story is going to, just like the only fans, Pimp, I cannot believe. It was just, it kind of revealed itself to all of us that this was more than what we really thought it was. And this is much more serious and led to a lot more chatter about it so we can, you know,

create awareness. So you never know. Yeah, I'm just grateful for everybody's stories. And I can't wait to hopefully see some of you and hear your stories on 30. Thursdays, March 21st. Seamless transition. But reminder, live show tickets are in the show notes in Los Angeles. Or let us know where else you want us to go. A lot of people have told us to come visit them. And I'm like, when, when? Let's go. I'm down. Let's go on a tour, a world tour. Just kidding. I'm getting ahead of myself. Taylor Swift, who? Yeah, I know, right? The Davey Detectives hei

tour. Amen. I like that. It's definitely going to be the same. It's going to be the same. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. We love you guys. And can you please leave us a five-star review wherever you listen? It really helps our show to grow. And we really appreciate your support. And I don't know, maybe say like a nice comment. Like, oh, like, these girls are, they light up my day. You guys are, I love those comments like that. Like, you guys are just so nice. And it really like, we've checked and we're like, oh my gosh, did you see this nice comment? Like, it's so nice. And we really appreciate it. You guys are so nice. And as always, trust you, I'm interested.