The Dating Detectives - The BYU Bandit: Part 2

Episode Date: August 31, 2026

The BYU Bandit is back for Part Two, and the story only gets wilder. As Courtney’s relationship with Riley becomes increasingly volatile, the lies grow bigger, the manipulation gets darker, and the queer resource center they’ve worked so hard to build begins raising some serious questions. But when Courtney finally starts comparing notes with the other women in Riley’s orbit, she realizes just how deep the deception goes—and that she may be far from the only person who has been caught in Riley’s web. Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email [e-mail] or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Monarch. Get 50% off your first year of Monarch Core at monarch.com with code DATING. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Coyuchi. Visit coyuchi.com/detectives for 15% off your first purchase. Some exclusions apply. This episode of is sponsored by Arya. Get $10 off your first month at getarya.com/datingdetectives.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-723 for support. Happy dating detectives Monday. We're back. We're back with Part two. Part dua. Part dua of the BYUu bandit.

Is that what it is? Part D. That's what we called it. In French? Part D. Yeah. You're perfect. Anyways, thank you so much for listening to part one.

I know you guys are excited for part two. Before we get into it, obviously, I just want to share gratitude. Thank you so, so much for being here and listening. And supporting the show, we love you, and we appreciate you so, so, so much. So thank you. And our guests really appreciate your supportive comments as well. We're going to do a thorough dogfish debrief at the end of this episode talking about both parts. Where do we leave off?

Yeah. She gave her the money for the lease, right? Yes. So quick refresher. If you haven't listened to Part 1, go back and listen to the whole thing. But our guest, Courtney, is dating on again, off again, Riley. and they're both working on a queer center to, like, raise money to build this. And they raised $10,000.

And she just sent the money to Riley, who's the president of this group and has been big in leading the charge. And that seems great on the surface. Makes her look real heroic up there. But behind the scenes, I think she's doing some dirtier stuff. So that's where we left off. Should we hand it over to Courtney? Yeah, let's go ahead and get into it so we can... I'm really ready to get into it.

We had gotten the $10,000 and Riley signed the lease for Marcia's, and we were going to launch it in January of 2021. That was supposed to be the opening date, and it's right now summer of 2020. So we've got some months before we're supposed to open that. you're like bracing yourself. So yeah, we got the money pretty quickly. The money actually would go to my account first

because she did not have a card of her own and she would use my debit card. And then once she got her own debit card, I just transferred all of the money. As soon as it would hit my account, I'd send it straight to her. And then we eventually got it to go straight to her without me involved at all.

So in theory, $10,000 has been sent her way. to sign the lease, pay the rent, keep the water on, like all of that for Marsha's place. And she's living on my couch for free. And I'm paying for everything. I'm paying for all of our food. And I was making maybe $10 an hour at this point. So we started collecting, like, thrifting furniture and trying to fill the space. And it also needed some extra love with wiring for electricity, painting, all of that. So people were volunteering to come to the sense. and help us make it look presentable because it was an old pet grooming place. And it had a cute little basement downstairs to like it was a pretty big space. Long story short, she starts squatting in Marsh's place.

So instead of having to stay with me on my couch, when things were good, she's going back to Marcia's place and has like a cot for herself and started buying herself flat screen TVs. And one of those big sound bars because she was saying, she wanted to set it up as like a cool queer hangout space, but really it was just for her. And I was keeping her stuff that she had in storage because she couldn't afford it anymore. I was keeping it at my friend's parents' house. That was a favor to me by my friend to keep my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend stuff at their parents' place.

And she moved all of that stuff into Marcia's. So she didn't really need me anymore at that point. Like I was becoming less useful to her because she already had the money directly. But you're still working closely together on Marshall's Place. When we can, yeah. But she definitely started putting emotional distance between us at that point. I know for a time that Taylor went back to California. And while Taylor was gone, Riley would come back to me and be trying to sleep in the bed with me and not on the couch.

there were a lot of boundaries that were being very blurred. And because I was in such an emotional state with her and still felt very rejected by her, any kind of attention she gave me, I was just like, yes, please, you know, because you're begging for it at that point. And she would do, yeah, she would do things intentionally to, like, go through my journal. She would read my journal and then use it against me later. She also would go through my phone at night when I was sleeping. Or just if I left it around because she would tell me that if there wasn't anything I had to hide, then why would I have a lock on my phone? But she would never let me go through hers, of course.

Yeah, of course. And she stopped sharing her location with me because she said that was a privilege. So she would use that as a way of controlling and manipulating me. And I remember a distinct time right after she had helped me move. I was downstairs with my friends saying goodbye to them and I had left my phone upstairs. and she went through my phone and saw that my friends were talking shit about her because of how poorly she was treating me. So she called my friend when I was down in the car from her phone and was like, Courtney needs to come upstairs right now. And it always felt, even with the journal, it always felt like I was in trouble, like I was a child that got in trouble with their parent.

That was the feeling that I would get. Like I got a pit in my stomach. And when I went upstairs to see what the issue was, it was because she saw that my friends were talking poorly about her in the way that she was treating me, which was obvious and fair. And she just didn't like that. And the same thing with the journal, there were even be times where I would intentionally write things in my journal to maybe drive home the fact to her that she was really, really hurting me on a deep level. and I was hoping that she would maybe read that and something would click for her and it never did. Instead, she would say things like, that's pathetic. Why would you be with someone like me who treats you like that?

It's pathetic that you would even want to be with me. So it was a really big mental, psychological twisting thing that was going on there. So that was during the summer. And during the summer is when the physical stuff started as well. So she was going back and forth between my, apartment in the center and Taylor is out of town. So she's putting a lot of romantic effort into me, maybe not dates per se, but we're definitely hanging out a lot casually. And I'm thinking that we're building something back because she's saying that she wants to be with me and that she loves me.

And she also took me home to her family again during this time. Wild. Again, Taylor has still never met her family. Like, she's back and forth with us, but I'm the only one that she's taken home so far. So during that time, she wouldn't let me follow her Instagram. So I wasn't allowed to see anything that she posted. She could see what I posted. But one of our mutual friends sent me one of her posts where she was talking about being with Taylor and they were celebrating a month together. So they had restarted their timeline at some point, I guess. And she was like, it's been a months since you left Rexburg. I miss you so much. It's been so hard. So they were continuing a relationship while Taylor was in California. And my friend sends me this. I'm working the worst job of

my life. Like I'm working at a call center where middle-aged women are yelling at me all day. It was just not good for my mental health. And I'm living with this person who's using me. So mentally, I'm like an exposed wire at this point. And my work, was really suffering. Like I would get called in for meetings about my performance because my tone would be bad on the phone or something when things would be bad between us because I'm not sleeping because I'm not eating. It's affecting you. Yes. And it almost made me lose my job on several occasions. But I'm working from home because it's COVID. And my friend sends me this. I'm on the clock. I just closed my computer. And I think she came to my apartment or something. I had texted

her and I was like, oh, so you've been together a month, huh? And she beelines it to my apartment and gets mad at me. She somehow turns it on me, as they always do. And things really start to get physical because in these fights, whenever I would catch her in a lie like that, it started with her, like, shoving me with one finger on my chest or, like, turning to, like, the palm of pushing me back onto the bed or something. And then eventually it led to, her there was one time we were on the couch and I was turned to facing her and she had jumped on top of me and started slamming my head against the arm of the couch by my neck like had me down and I never ever ever did anything wrong in those situations and I knew that in the moment that I was just catching her

in her lives and it always involved this other girl it always involved her hiding it but not well because there were so many people who were looking out for me who were like, hey girl, I was getting like a hey girlie text pretty much every day from people being like, are you still with her? Because she's acting like this. And so those things would come up and then she just get upset. And there was one night, I genuinely do not remember what the fight was about, but she chased me out of my apartment.

It was nighttime. And there was a field behind my apartment and she was on top of me. And it's crazy to be in that position. with somebody because when when survivors say that they don't recognize the person anymore or like their eyes go black, I can verify that that's absolutely true. And it's a wild thing to see because this person that you have kissed and been physical with in very soft and vulnerable ways is turning around and doing this to you. And I almost passed out. Like she definitely did that on a occasions where I almost, oh, God.

You know, she could have killed me in those moments quite literally, but her face would just go completely blank and she would be so angry at me and she was just telling me to shut up. She was like, shut up, shut up, shut up while she's on top of me. And I could not get her off. Like she really didn't weigh that much. So I think I was just feeling weak and in a like a freeze mode maybe. Yeah. And so I couldn't get her off of me, but eventually she did stop.

and she just starts bawling. And anytime something like that would happen to, it would end up with me comforting her. Yep. Because they say, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm such a bad person, I'm such an awful person, you should hate me, and then all of a sudden you're like, no, it's okay.

Yeah. Like I was holding her because in my mind, I was like, this person is so damaged, this isn't about me at all. This person is obviously very hurt. and needs help and I want to be there for them. So even then, I was still like, I need to be there for this person. Okay, so fun anecdote, when I was in college, I got a credit card because I was like, well,

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There was also a time, I think in that same month in August, I had gone back home to North Carolina to visit my family. And while I was gone, I said that she could have the key to my apartment and watch the apartment while I was gone. Because I was like, if you need a place to stay, use my apartment, it's fine. I come back home to my apartment completely trashed. She would brush her teeth, spit it right into the sink, not use water, and just dropped her her toothbrush in the sink. There was like dirty clothes all over the floor. Things were ripped off of the walls.

And it's not that bad. Yeah. Oh my goodness. I still to this day don't understand what occurred in my apartment to make it look like that. But old food, I'm convinced that she had a girl or girls over as well. Because she also was mentioning somebody that we kind of knew and was trying to sell them my guitar. She was like,

would you sell your guitar for this much? And I was like, bitch, why aren't you trying to sell my stuff? What do you do? Excuse me. Bizarre. Oh my gosh. So I come home. I see that. And then I'm like, oh my God, why would you do this to me? And I called one of my friends to come over to kind of be a buffer. And Riley comes over and I guess feels really called out by the moment. And I was like, why did you do this? Like, what is going on here? And she didn't really have an answer for me, but she tried to push me down the stairs of my apartment complex in front of my friend. Like she was using her body to push me over there. And my friend is really tall and big. And she was like, I don't think you want to do that. That's all she said. She's like, I think you want to go. Yeah. And then Riley was like, at first she tried

to blame it on me. She was like, don't you see how she's antagonizing me? I'm like, my friend is not going to take your side girl. So she's basically spiraling out at that point. And she fled the scene. there were also cases where she would have my credit card. Again, I don't know how she convinced me to let her do that, but I had to cancel my credit cards multiple times because she wouldn't give them back. And there was one time I locked my door, I took my key back from her,

and I went to go to my friend's place to just kind of cool off for a little bit. And I had her blocked because I was trying to cut her off for good. It's really hard to leave people like that, as we know. And I had her blocked. she started blowing up all of my friends phones, started calling all of them, texting all of them, and was like, the cops are here. If Courtney doesn't get here right now, the cops are going to, they're here. I already told them everything that I did. They're going to take me away. Like,

I just want to say goodbye to you. And I'm like, wait, everything that she did, like, attack. That's not real. She was saying that she admitted everything to the cops because she felt so bad and so guilty and that they were going to take her away. they were allowing her to wait for me so that we could talk to each other. No. So my friends are like, that's not happening. And so we pulled up like a block away. Shocker, there were no cops there.

She was just hanging out. She lied several times about the cops being at my place as well to get me to come back home. She would just be outside or she was like going into your place. Sometimes she would be outside. Toward the end, I got brave enough to lock her out. I was always scared of the way she would react if I cut her off, if I blocked her, if I locked her out. I figured it was just easier and more simple for me to allow her to do those things so that it wouldn't cause a fight. So I was just trying to avoid contention.

So then some time passes and my friends are like, we've got to get you out of this. You know, like you can't stay with this person. So this was toward the end of the summer. Taylor had come back into town and Riley said to me, Taylor's coming back into town and she's probably going to convince me to be together again. I'm going to block you, but I still want to be with you. Please wait for me. No. And how did you feel hearing that? I said, that's really crazy to ask of me. Like, what do you mean? She's coming back into town and you can't control yourself. that's crazy.

And she just goes, I know it's really wrong with me to ask that of you and I don't expect you to wait for me but I would really love it if you did. And so I let her block me and this was like September and Taylor and Riley

were hanging out at the queer resource center. I was going to take all of Riley's stuff back to the center and then I saw that they were together in there and that kind of confirmed it for me and I got really upset so I just dropped her stuff off at the door

and then me and my friends went back to their apartment. Taylor texts my old roommate, her ex, and says, if Courtney has anything else she needs to leave for Riley, she can put it in my hands. So she's being kind of combative with me and thinking that I'm over here trying to break up her relationship with Riley.

And so I said, okay. All right, let's go back to the center then. So I was a little hyped up because I don't think anybody would respond well to that. So I went back. I start banging on the door. They open it. I walk in and I point at Riley and I say, you owe me an apology. And then Taylor gets in my face and she pushes me up against the wall. There's like a big window on the front of the center. This is so dramatic that it's happening at the center too. Taylor like slings. slams her hand on the window right next to my face. And then she gets really, really up in my face. And I just go, this is not between you and me. This is between me and Riley. Please let us have a

conversation. And then Riley is coming over at the same time yelling at me. And then I say at one point, what about you saying you wanted me to wait for you? What about that? And she feels really attacked. And she goes, I never said that. You're a liar. And then both of them grabbed me because I was wearing a hoodie. They grabbed me by my hoodie and they literally dragged me out into the street. Like they were trying to push me out of the center and they ended up grabbing me and choking me with my hoodie. And they didn't like hit me or anything, but they were dragging me outside together. And then I was just bawling because I'm so confused, right? Like I don't know. what's happening right now. Like where do we stand? Why would you lie? And she's calling me a liar to my face. And I'm like, I didn't lie.

You told me to wait for you. You had me blocked because you said she was going to convince you to be together. And then Taylor's standing there putting two and two together and is like, did you say that to her? And of course, she's denying it. But Taylor knows how Riley is by this point. And you can tell that she's doubting it.

My friends had been waiting right around the corner. So we're like yelling at each other in the street and there are apartments above the queer center. Somebody had called the cops because they heard a scuffle. And so I take off with my friends basically. I'm like, F this, we're out. And one of my friends shout out to her. She goes back all by herself into the center. And she points at Riley and she goes, you ever touch her again, I'll kill you.

And then she bounces. And I was like, yeah, my friend's hate. did her by that point. So the cops catch up with us somehow. I'm yeah, very dramatic night. Riley and Taylor stay in the center. I guess the cops talked to them and then they told them that there was no issue or blamed me, said that I came in and I was swinging and whatever story they wanted to tell. Oh, God. So the cops catch up with me on a corner with my friends and they said something homophobic. Like, it's a real shame that your community is preaching, love and acceptance, but clearly your community doesn't value this that much.

And I was like, okay, so you're not a safe place I can go to about this. So nothing was reported to the cops because they just simply didn't care. They didn't see it as valid either because it was clear. Yeah, a queer thing and also a lot of women, it's like, oh, there's catfight. Like, oh, they're not really. Exactly. It's not serious enough because it's not a man. So that was a little bit of.

disheartening. But at that point, I just wanted to be done with it because I was like, okay, you've made it clear where you stand. Things did not need to reach that point, but here we are. Were you feeling like you were going through a breakup too? Like, you're in love with this person still. Like, I feel like we're getting a lot of the moments that are really tough and dramatic, but like you obviously still had moments of closeness with this person on and off at that point. So like how are you juggling the fact that you just had a serious ultimate? altercation and also your friends hate her and you're like, but I am in love still. I'm going through a breakup. So yeah, that's a really good question because sometimes it's hard once you've had so much

distance from that person in the situation. You forget what it was that initially drew you in. But I really think she was just consistent enough about keeping me on the hook and breadcrumbing me that I genuinely felt like there was potential for a real relationship there still. Yeah. And I felt like I felt like I was just in the waiting room for her, basically. Like I felt like I had won the lottery with her. Yeah. Like I was just waiting my turn.

Figure herself out. Yeah. Yes. Because again, she was painting it as Taylor was literally manipulating her, doing some mind control over her when she would come back into town. and so I was still blaming Taylor because I didn't want to accept that Riley just didn't want to be with me

and just wanted to use me. And then when she would physically abuse you, you were able to say she's so damaged. Yeah. This is a hurt, like hurt people, hurt people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. It all makes sense.

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That's get aria.com slash dating detectives. The next day, though, I decided it was another attempt to cut off the relationship, I posted on Twitter about everything and said, this is your leader that you guys have been looking up to. This is how she acts behind closed doors. And it kind of blew up on ex-Morman Twitter in Utah and Idaho. And people started commenting their own stories that they had had with her. Like her exes came out of nowhere and we're reaching out to me and we're like, hey, she did the same thing to me. She was abusive to me too. She would control whether we smoked or drank. Like I was not allowed to smoke or drink. Also Mormon coded dating her. So I got overwhelming support from

everyone about that. But then I had her blocked because I was going to be done with it and white my hands. She started reaching out to my friends again. And I have all of the text messages of her being like, tell Courtney to meet me at the park. And I just want to talk. I'm leaving town. And she doesn't have to worry about me anymore. I just want to have a final chat. Eventually, she wore me down enough to meet up with her at the park. And she tells me that I ruined her life and she's suicidal and that I shouldn't have posted that and that all of her exes are now going to use it as an excuse to lie about her and say that my story is their own. And this is all within- The narrative, controlling the narrative. Yeah. Within 24 hours, she had convinced me,

to write a statement, reversing everything, retracting what I said. So saying like you had lied, essentially? Yeah, because she told me that because she was the face of the queer center, because that's still going on, she's still collecting money for the queer center. It's still supposed to open in January. She told me that if I continued to ruin her reputation, that the center would never happen, and that she just wanted to make sure it opened,

and then she would leave town, and she would get out of my hair, basically, if I just saved her reputation. So it's your fault if they don't raise enough money? It would be my fault if the center didn't open. So that was the main reason. It wasn't even a motivation to want to be with her at that point. It was just I felt like I was the reason

that gay people weren't getting resources in Rexford. It's all your fault. Yeah. So I was like, well, I don't want that to. happen and if all I need to do is fall on the sword online then I'll do it I'll be canceled to take it back so I did and then people started sending me death threats and saying that I was an awful person yeah that was really disappointing too because it was people from the queer community who were like actual real victims are out there suffering and you're over here lying for attention and

they were just really mean so that was a big mess and then in November of 2020 election time, my mom cut off my phone because my family is very conservative. And we were getting in a lot of political arguments. And we share a family plan. So my mom cut me off of the family plan. And I was like, okay, well, what are we doing for Thanksgiving? And Riley was like, let's go visit my family. So after all of this has happened, I'm still canceled online. We go to her family in Colorado and spend Thanksgiving with them. You're canceled online, canceled from your family. Yeah.

Probably feel like very vulnerable. Yeah. And her family was good to you. True. Yes. And that was another thing. She would use that because she knew that I had a rocky relationship with my family. But she would phrase it to her family as I was disowned by them.

and that was very much not the case. It was just my mom and I were arguing, you know. We have a very complicated relationship, but my family has not disowned me by any means. We just don't see eye to eye. Yeah, but that's so much more interesting and dramatic. Exactly. Yeah.

Exactly. So that was the story she was telling her family the whole time. And she kept saying it, and I just remember being like, why you keep telling people my business? And she was like, oh, Courtney's family disowned her. Is it okay if she comes home for Thanksgiving? Remember Courtney's family disowned her.

Courtney's family's so crazy. They designed her. And I'm like, okay, chill. Also around that time, Riley and Taylor ended their relationship. So she tells me that they are toxic together and that they are never going to work and that she's been doing this back and forth. And that's unfair to me. And so at that time around Thanksgiving, she's telling me that I am the one that she is choosing and that she has completely cut Taylor out of her life and that Taylor has moved. on with other people and she's not concerned about what Taylor is doing anymore and that her bringing me home is kind of proof that she's choosing me instead of Taylor. So during that time,

I'm still working remotely. So I am working in the basement of her parents' house and she tells me that she's going to go to a doctor's appointment that day with her mom. Well, yeah, wait, what happened to her dying? I forgot about that. Yeah. Well, that's great that you bring that up. So they probably just went shopping that day, to be honest, but she told me that they went to a doctor's appointment. She comes back downstairs, gives me a little kiss, and she goes, you know, the doctors said that they actually misdiagnosed me. I just have a strained vocal cord. What? Are you serious?

That's not a stop. So what did you say? I said, so you're not dying? And she was like, no, I'm fine. She just had asthma. Like I knew she had asthma. Oh my God. But I guess she wanted to embellish that a little bit.

Had this not come up like with her family or Taylor or anyone, the disease? She told Taylor that she had two years to live and COPD. And she told Taylor that while Taylor was dating my roommate. So that was kind of used as a way to get Taylor back. I truly forgot. This whole time I've like forgotten that she was like terminally ill, which does add a layer if you really think that that's... Oh, it definitely does. Yeah.

So apparently she's not dying anymore. But her family didn't say anything about it. And that wasn't weird because her family didn't really talk that much. They weren't very open about things. I don't want to say that they were cold. Like they were welcoming to me. But they didn't talk about things in that way. It was just very surface level.

But how do you determine you only have a year or whatever to live? And it's not even, it's not, oh, it's just a vocal cord. Like what? I was genuinely, I didn't know what to do with that. I said, how do they misdiagnose a chronic lung condition that could kill you with a vocal cord injury? And she was like, the doctors say that it's common. It happens all the time. And I was like, okay, I guess.

I guess. But I had already known this girl for maybe a year and a half at this point, and it felt like 10. So she had already put in her work on me. And at that point, I was basically primed to just believe anything that she said. Also, the bed of nails theory of if she had just done one thing, then you might notice it. But there's so many things going on that, like, if you sit on one nail, it hurts. If you sit on a bed of nails, it just doesn't really affect you as much. So you're just like, oh, okay, another chaotic.

thing. So there's an organic bedding brand called Koyuchi. How fun. I love my Koyuchi sheets. How fun is that name, first of all. Second of all, I love my Koyuchi sheets. Koyuchi, it only uses premium natural fibers. So the rarest, 100% organic cotton or 100% organic linen. Natural materials that are made to deliver your best sleep ever and only get softer with time. And they really do. They are so comfy. I'm obsessed with them. It's very breathable, but also very soft.

I'm, you know, a scratchy sheet is the worst thing ever. But I feel like mine are not only soft, but they really keep me cool. Sometimes I'm a little bit of a hot sleeper. And these are great. And I also just feel good because they're free of toxic chemicals. Yeah. And also it's like everyday luxury you can feel good about bringing into your home. So that like you get this nice.

little kind of bougie, luxury kind of feel. It's great. Yeah. And they also have bath towels, crib sheets, some robes. I got the robe as well, which was so nice. It was like the waffle material. The waffle. Oh my gosh. I love it so much. And so what's interesting is that Koyuchi is the original brand for organic sheets and bedding. And all the products are natural fibers, no polyester. Love that. You deserve to feel. really comfortable and really cozy and in a healthy environment. And these sheets serve that. I love them.

So visit coiucci.com slash detectives for 15% off your first purchase of the most comfortable bedding you'll ever own. That's C-O-Y-U-C-H-I dot com slash detectives. Some exclusions apply. We came back to Rexburg and around December she had sent me flowers. I had a picture of a bouquet of flowers that say, love you, Riley. So still saying I love you around this time. She helped me find a new place to move into. Taylor comes back into town in December when the new semester is starting. I'm moving to a new house still in town.

And Riley helped me find it. She helped me move in. And she started breadcrumbing me again. And this time, she tried to convince me that something was wrong with my SIM card on my phone because my text messages were not going through. They were going through his text messages or saying like not able to be delivered or whatever. And it turns out that she was blocking me every time that she was going to Taylor's house. But she had convinced me that there was something wrong with my phone. So I'm in contact with T-Mobile trying to get a new SIM card stat because I'm like, well, if people need to contact me, I need to have a good phone. Oh, no. The whole time it hurts. She's just the issue. And that same friend who had sent me her post when she had me blocked on

Instagram that started that big fight, that same friend became random roommates, randomly assigned with Taylor. So Taylor and this ex-best friend of Riley's are roommates. I'm still in contact with that friend, and I am still thinking fresh off of my Thanksgiving trip with Riley that we are going to be together. This friend informs me that Taylor and Riley have actually never broken up. They have been saying, I love you, they've been FaceTiming every night, and they are very much still together. Oh my God. And at that point, I am like, okay, I'm talking to Taylor, because Taylor and I had never had a direct conversation except that night at the center. So we met on campus and we were both very wary of each other because of the work that Riley had put in to pit us against one another.

We did not like each other. And I never felt like less of a girl's girl than when I was with Riley, ironically, with all of us being women. Because she really just used our emotions to pit us against each other and loved it. Like she loved triangulating. She was like getting off on it. Yes. Yes. Yes.

And obviously Taylor and I had many long conversations. about the situation in Riley. We unpacked a lot together, and part of that was acknowledging the ways in which we were manipulated into hating one another. So we were able to see at the same time that we were both fooled. And Taylor and I, on all of our Google photos, everything that we had, we laid it out. And we were comparing screenshots of text messages, times when we had caught her cheating on us with each other, the specific lies she was saying about the chronic illness, when she would go visit home, everything. The thing that we discovered when we got together, this one was one of my favorites, honestly.

I have some highlights of things she's done. There was one time she told me that Taylor was going to hack into her Instagram account and try to contact her. She goes, I can just feel it. Taylor's going to try to reach out to me and she's going to try to get into my main account. And I was like, okay. And she goes, Taylor's going to try to reach out to you and I want to intercept it. So can I get your login information for your Instagram?

Somehow she convinced me to say yes. She logs in immediately changes the password to my Instagram account. And luckily, Instagram sends an email to you and says, this is suspicious. Do you want to get back into your account? And I said, well, yes, I do. So. Yes, please. Riley had left to go back to wherever she was staying. She was staying with a friend toward the end of her journey in Rexburg. And she was at that apartment, logged into my account, changed the password. I'm at home looking at my email. I log into my account and I see messages going from my account that I'm not sending to her main account. And I'm thinking that Taylor is in her account, mind you. I'm thinking Taylor is Riley. Riley is me. And my account is saying,

I want to be with you. I miss you. The universe is telling me that we need to be together. And her account is saying to me, I am with Taylor now. I don't love you. I don't want to be with you. That's the gist of the conversation.

It's basically my account begging for her. And then she can go to show Taylor. Exactly. And I had no idea what was going on at the time. I go back. The messages were all deleted. And I don't say anything about it for the whole day. and then Riley contacts me later

like FaceTime's me and it's like, how is your day? And I was like, it was good. Why'd you lie? And that was one of the first times that I had actually confronted her and the wheels are starting to come off. You know, like, I think she knew that she was starting to lose me

and needed to get a new person in the mix. So she was like, what do you mean? I was like, well, it was just really funny. I was in my account and I saw these messages that were not coming from me, but they were coming from my account. and she goes, Taylor broke into my apartment while I was there because I had my laptop open and I had my phone and I was logged into both accounts.

And then Taylor said some really hurtful mean things to me and then threatened me. And I had to stand in the corner and I don't know what she did on the laptop. So that was probably her. So when Taylor and I get together, months later, we discover she had just sent a screen recording of that conversation to Taylor to prove that I wanted her back and she was turning me down. So sitting there with someone who has been sent this lie about me was crazy. I was like, I never said any of that. That was not me.

But how do you prove it? Because it came from your own account, you know? Right. Yeah, yeah. So I reached out to Riley and sent her a long text message. I was mad enough at that point to finally put my foot down and say, I deserve so much better than this. You lied about everything.

And I wish you nothing but the worst. just pretty much everything that I had never said, I kind of let loose at that moment because I was always scared of losing contact with her. Even after her treating me the way that she did, I was still so scared of that because there was fear on the other side of not knowing life after her. She set it up that way. And when I finally let go of a little bit of that fear, that's when I was able to express my feelings, maybe not in the most concise way. But that, that's, was kind of the final breakup for me. And then Taylor the same day called Riley.

And she goes, you still love me, right? Like, it's just me. And Riley's like, yeah, of course. It's just you. I just love you. And then she goes, but not Courtney. And she goes, ew, no. Ah, what?

Okay, first of all, how dare you? Should you be so lucky? Right. And that really hurt my feelings at the time because... Yeah. I just went through all of them. this shit with you. Like, I almost lost all of my friends because they were losing respect for me. I lost respect for myself. You were physically abusive. You mentally drained me. You emotionally drained me.

You used me financially. And then you're just going to be like, ew, no, I don't want to be with you. So she was just saying whatever she needed to say to whoever was in front of her. Yes. And we also got in contact with her other exes. So there were four of us total. I was very fortunate that those exes were very, very kind and open to both me and Taylor when we finally came together. And we all decided to post on TikTok because of just our sheer numbers. We were like, there's no way that we can let this person get away with this. And being with somebody like that who makes you feel like you don't have a voice even in your own journal or in the privacy of your own phone, it's really important to you. and it was important to me for many years after it happened to speak and to say something

because I felt like if I didn't get it out of me, it was going to eat me alive. So I reposted my story and said, I'm going to clear my name. This is the full account of what happened. And then all of the other exes posted their full account with her. And then friends of those exes, my friends, people from the gay community that were like, I knew something was off about her because in the past, she had collected money for t-shirts for the queer group, and nobody ever saw those t-shirts. She used that money to take another girl that we don't even need to talk about on a vacation

to California, on a road trip. She's never been in a relationship that she has not cheated in. She hasn't been single technically in over a decade now, because these exes go back to 2015, 16. there's always people on the on the hook and i also learned that in high school she lied about having cancer oh my god of course you did and and stalked this one girl because she had a crush on her like the girl reached out to me and said thank you so much for posting because i thought i was crazy and she needs to be locked up like i cannot believe she's still doing this so many years later having other people from over a decade ago message me and tell me these things makes me feel very validated and very secure in my decision to post about this person and my experiences with this person.

So I've had a lot of people from her past come forward and tell me some wild things about her stealing money from her job. Oh my gosh. And she's going to get all the money for the center. Exactly. Yes. So some of the mothers from those groups started an investigation with GoFundMe, but it came back to me because it was connected to my card at first. So she got off because I sent them screenshots of me sending her all of that money and they never investigated it further. And there were also some drag queens who had raised $5,000 for us and left the check at Marcia's. And when she skipped town, like when she knew I had gotten together with her exes and and she was going to be in trouble, she took that check. So she stole at least $15,000 from the queer community there. And just didn't communicate with anybody about it. Like the center never opened.

It was really sad. Oh, that's terrible. The lease was in her name. Like, what did she do about the location? This is messed up. I honestly have no idea how she got out of that. I'm glad it wasn't in your name. I'm glad she didn't convince somebody else to it.

She wanted me to put my name down on it. And I said, no, I'm not doing it. That was the one time I put my foot down. Because she was like, if you're not going to put your credit card down for this center, then you don't really believe in it. Oh. What? Okay. No.

So she definitely made, she used the center as a way to make me do a lot of things. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is crazy. And then whenever we caught her, me and the. the other exes, she had already started dating someone else. She moved to Utah and started dating this girl that she ended up marrying and is now divorced from because she had an affair on that girl for an entire year with her friend of

six years. Jeez, Louise. And she's now with that girl. So she clearly has not changed her pattern, which is why I'm sharing this story so many years later because she stole money from that girl too. And the good thing about the ex-wife is that Riley's parents are paying the ex-wife back for the money that she has taken from her. So that ex-wife is getting paid back. But her family is doing that.

And apparently her family knows that she lies and they're, I don't want to say they're complicit, but the response was just, we know that she lies, we don't believe anything she says. Yeah, it is what it is. Indifference. Yeah. Yeah. So she's just going to continue on her path. I guess, but she has done the same exact thing to all of us.

So I tried to warn the current girl, and I know how that goes, because one of the exes early on did try to warn me. And because it was just one voice, yeah. They didn't go into detail about their experience with her, but they said, be careful because she can be physical. And because she was one person and because Riley had already annihilated their character, had already said they were crazy, they were diagnosed, with borderline.

Riley would use that against her exes a lot to say that they were actually crazy. Oh, my God. Well, that track. And she also had friends that she had convinced all of her exes were actually crazy. So they were telling people in town that we were lying, even after we came out with our story. It was insane. And those friends have come to me since then and thoroughly apologize. And I don't blame them for anything because I understand how manipulative she could be, obviously.

So everybody's kind of had a chance since years have passed to come back and be like, hey, I'm really sorry. I was being fed nothing but lies by her. And I totally believed you were a bad person. So it was nice to kind of have those people come back and form a weird community in a way that's like a survival. Also, if they're smart, normal people, you can think, oh, maybe I'm not an idiot. She was able to manipulate all of these other people too. Exactly. Yeah. And the whole time she also, when she got with a new girl, she really had it out for me because I had named her online and got her canceled. So she was making, I had other friends that were on her FNsta and her Instagram who were sending me her posts after all of that happened. And she was just making up lies about me and saying that I was trying to contact her family, saying that I was emailing her nonstop, that I was harassing her, and that she was. was going to have to take out a restraining order on me.

Whole time, she's bouncing back and forth between Colorado and Utah to be with her new girl who became her wife. Great. What? She just really wanted people to not like me and not believe me. Yeah. That's so much going on at one time. Like, oh, Lord.

Yeah, girl. This is such drama. It's such drama. Well, I've now been single for four years. Thank God. I just need to be fake. I am so happy to be single. How do you feel being single now?

Like, are you like, this is fine? I'm single and it's fine. I'm so grateful for the experiences that I had with her and that things got so bad because I have made a promise to myself that it will never, ever, ever get that bad again. Like, maybe it's turned me into a bit of an avoidant. I'd like to think not.

I still think that I approach things with an open heart, but it definitely... Does it cautiously open... Yes, yes. I'm much more cautious now. I'm much more picky now, too. So if you're not adding anything to my life, if you're coming into my life needing things and like needing me to save you or you're lacking things within yourself, like you don't have everything you need in here. Yep.

We're good. You need to keep your distance because I've got that going on. And I don't want to provide that for you. So boundaries have been created. So that's why we've been single so long. Like you're confident in yourself with it. And I think that's cool because so many people are like, no, I want to get. get into a relationship right away.

Yeah. Especially after the religion you grew up in, because that pushes you into wanting security in a relationship. I realized that being in the church primed me to be in a relationship like that. Because it was controlling every aspect of my life. And so to step into a relationship with someone on an individual level that's controlling my emotions in a way that I'm used to, it felt familiar in a way because that religion is such a trap.

Like, I know the other people feel differently about it, and I definitely respect people's personal opinions with their own faith. But my experience with it— Yeah. Yeah. My experience with it is that for women, it's not a safe place. In many moments, you were sat down with a grown man, and they're asking you about your sexual experiences. Like, one time I was asked how many fingers were used in me. Yes.

I don't know if that's appropriate to say. But no, it's appropriate. It's appropriate to say here. Things like that you experience and are told our normal, you're probably not going to run when someone toxic approaches you who's acting the same way, who's exploiting you in that way. So I've seen a lot of parallels. I've had a lot of time to take a look at everything retrospectively and understand it better because I'm not in the middle of it anymore. but I only left the church five years ago.

That was still 20 plus years of my life that I spent dedicating myself to this thing that I wasn't really meant to fit in to begin with. And I think the biggest takeaway, too, is just I have obviously listened to y'all's episodes and I really appreciate everything that you guys do because it made me feel a lot better even years later knowing that you can never be too smart, too pretty,

to whatever to not fall into something like this. Absolutely. Everyone can be a victim at some point. And the minute, what do you say, Hannah, the minute you think it doesn't, it can't happen to you is when you're the most vulnerable. Exactly. It's true. It's true.

And I'm sad that you had to go through it in order to feel as confident as you do now. But it's so nice to hear how good you're, how, yeah, how good you're doing. You sound confident as hell now. And that kind of, I feel, I'm like, she's a baddie looking around. Yeah. I think the biggest thing too is to have a lot of grace and patience for yourself. If you've gone through something like that because it's really easy to shame yourself and be like, I should have done this or I should have done that better. But the truth is you're always just doing the best that you can with what you have. Yeah. Totally.

So this is a lot. A little messy. It's a little messy for sure. Yeah. I feel like, well, first of all, the social media exposure, I think that a lot of people go to that to, because if you're exposing someone on social media, like you are ready to let the world know what they have done. It played quite a role in this entire experience because it seems like Riley was big on social media and using it,

even back at the beginning when she was dating Courtney, but then making videos with her ex, that were weird. Like, I don't know why everything was so public. It's not my style. Even you, I mean, you're a public person on social all the time, but you still aren't posting, like, there's some things that can be private. Yeah.

They're not. It's like something else is going on here. No, 100%. But then once it gets to the point where all of this is going down, I love that she posted about this person because they were public and they were doing this to a lot of people and look at all the people that came forward. Yeah. And that's, that just, well, first of all, it goes to show the power of your voice.

Use your voice as a weapon for sure. The part with the physical abuse when she attacks her was so scary. And I think I'm glad she pointed out how police were very dismissive of it. It's like a cat fight between the girls. I agree. Yeah. Rather than taking it seriously. And I'm sure a lot of people have experienced that, which is unfortunate.

And I also wanted to talk about the kind of mess. of being friends with your exes, which comes up in queer friend groups a lot, not just queer friend groups, obviously. Why is that more so in queer groups, you think? So I think there's a definite reason. One, smaller pool, especially in a small Mormon town. Like there are less people who are gay to date, let alone to be friends with and to feel safe with. And I do think that there is this pressure to stay in that relationship or stay in that

group. So even if you break up, it's not, you know, you're all friends with each other. And then I think all of us, whether you're queer or not, have that kind of idea that it's mature. It's almost like performative maturity because it's actually mature to acknowledge that like, it's probably better for me to back out, you know. But we all have done it. I'm sure we've all done it. We're like, yeah, we're totally fine. Like, it's totally fine. You can stay on my couch, whatever. But as far as like, I do think that people probably think it's crazy on the outside to be like, oh my God, why are all of these girls friends with their exes and dating each other?

Yeah. And it is toxic. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but I understand why it happens. It's like a necessity, especially in a place where there's not a lot of queer people. So I feel for her wanting to stay involved in a positive way with the person who was the president. of the underground organization. It's like if she, look what happened when she became the enemy of that.

It was like drama and bad. So I totally get why she stayed in her orbit. And I think it would be a little too easy to say like, well, you should just not talk to your exes. It's like not that easy. Not that easy. It is not that easy. I get that too.

I really do. Right. And sometimes it's great. Sometimes you can totally be friends with an ex. If you tell me you're doing that, Am I going to have questions? Sure. Yeah. But.

But then it's a matter of, then it's a matter of what are we consenting to as far as what we think is okay in our, you know, what are we agreeing to together? True. What are you? Oh, you mean like, yes, I agree. What are you? Like if you, like if someone's okay with it. Like if, yeah, like if someone says, oh, I'm with this guy and he's friends of his ex and I don't mind, then great. Like, there's no problem.

Right. Yeah. I think it's totally possible. I think you just have to be very clear and communicative about it. Absolutely. Don't do anything that Riley did. She did not do it well. Okay, dry begging we talked about.

Yeah, like, oh, I really wish I had a bunch of money. Mm-hmm. And it's very passive-aggressive and it makes you feel obligated to volunteer. And then all of a sudden it was your idea to help. Oh, I don't like it. And she just loved bombed her. I mean, she was like, I love you after six days. And then the whole thing about taking her home to her family.

Yeah. Almost as a move. And I felt for her when she was talking about how she and her mom got into fight. So it made her almost drawn to the family of Riley, which is. Yeah. It was bad. What else? What else?

Oh, she's not dead. She was not ill. Lied about that. Hey, guess what? I'm not dying. just FYI. I was misdiagnosed. It's like kind of insane to be misdiagnosed

with a terminal illness given a year to live and then just left on your own. Right. That doesn't happen. It's weird. And also everyone in your life, I feel like would be aware of that and concerned. A hundred percent.

But remember we had that other episode a long time ago, which was also lesbians. Surprise. Hmm. Why are we going? gay girls all faking the cancer and stuff. No, but it was the one where she said she didn't want her to tell anybody that she was terminally ill. Yeah.

Because she didn't want her roommates to be nervous or freak out. And then she was like texting her doctor, which is like, no, your doctor's probably not texting you. So I guess- No, 100% your doctor's not texting you. Not like that. Yeah. No, I think that it's crazy to lie about that. But yeah, if anybody is really, really sick and they really want to keep it.

under wraps. I mean, I respect your choice, but to me, now I'm like, why, though? Yeah, yes. Why? We also want to reiterate that dogfish are not just men, and I know the show often gets a lot of men submitted, and that makes sense, but this is just a great example that it doesn't really matter who you are, what kind of relationship you're in. We've even had polyamorous relationships where somebody was still lying and not sticking to the agreements. Like, it doesn't matter. It's all about just honesty, and these people are just dishonest. And I think it is important to remind people that it can happen to anybody.

Because as soon as you start thinking, it can't happen to you. That's when you're the most vulnerable. Also, Mormon, religion, any religion, that also comes up on the show a lot. And even we just had a Patreon story that was somebody in the military was cheating. And I feel like military gets a similar reputation. And we were saying it when we did the Patreon. We're definitely not against those organizations, but it is just important to be aware of how they set a foundation

for the potential of an abusive situation. Like she talked so much about how her religious upbringing just made it so much easier for her to be susceptible. And you have to identify that so you can avoid it. Mike just started being weird. So we're wrapping up dogfish debrief a little sooner. But thank you all for your thoughts. And if you have experience in BYU, we would love to hear from you.

Or if you want to send supportive messages to Courtney, you can comment them on Spotify or anywhere you're listening that has commenting sections or on social media at Dating Detectives Podcast. And you can email us. Always. We want your stories. Investigate at the datingdetectivespodcast.com. Mackenzie, your mic's being weird. I'm sad. I feel like I'm talking to myself.

I miss you. But you can still join me even if it's choppy for our final reminder because we have to end every episode. As always. As always. Trust your femme tuition. Trust your femme tuition.