The Dating Detectives - The College Con

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

Lucy thought she knew everything about the boy she’d loved since high school. After years together, college, an engagement, and plans for a picture-perfect wedding, their future seemed all but certain, but little things had started to feel off. Strange explanations, inconsistent paychecks, missing details, and lies that seemed too small to matter left Lucy constantly wondering what she was missing. As the financial pressure mounts and her femmetuition gets harder to ignore, one question becomes impossible to shake: how well can you really know someone you’ve spent nearly a decade loving?Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email [e-mail] or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Quince. Go to quince.com/datingdetectives for free shipping on your first order and 365-day returns.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Monarch Money. Get 50% off your first year of Monarch Core at monarch.com with code DATING.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% off at betterhelp.com/tdd.This episode is sponsored by Wayfair. Head to wayfair.com and join Wayfair Rewards to get 5% back on every purchase.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-723 for support. Happy dating detectives Monday. Hi, beautiful. You have an adorable shirt on. It says sensitive, what does it say? Sensitive soul.

Sensitive queen. Sensitive queen. Even better. Because I'm sensitive. Don't get it twisted, though. Like I'll still go off. Well, we have a queen on today. Our guest is awesome.

Yeah. And it's interesting because this one, it's enough to make you think you're crazy. I think so many people will relate to it because you just don't. realize what's going on under your nose and it makes you feel crazy or stupid and you're not. Spoiler alert, you're not. Yeah. I mean, you'll hear. I was reminded of a friend's story as she was talking about like a friend is going through right now. So it's the little things that you can be in the middle of and think, uh, I can explain this away. Maybe it's not as big of a red flag as I think. Basically, moral of her story is always ask questions, even when you think you're crazy, but we'll let her tell you the rest.

And also, I just want to thank you guys for being so cool. I'm just so grateful for our audience and for our Patreoners, our sleuthies. And if you have a story to share, please email it to us, investigate at the datingdetectivespodcast.com. Yes. And you can talk to us on all things, social media, dating a detective's podcast. Also, really quick before we start, I feel like I want to say something about how the news cycle this week has just been so heavy about sexual assault. and rape and rape culture. And that's obviously a thing that comes up on our show. So I just want to send extra love to survivors. It's just a really heavy time. And we're here for you. This is a community of people who believe you and want you to feel supported and loved.

And we're in it with you. You're not alone. Yeah. It's a lot. So this one's a little bit lighter, not as heavy. So I hope it kind of is a little bit of a little bit of, less heavy polymonds. It's tea.

It's tea. Got some financial stuff going on, y'all, shall we? Yeah, let's introduce you to our guest. Luzi, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. We are ready for your story, as ready as we'll ever be. Yeah, you have the floor, girl, take us away. Absolutely.

So I met David when I was 15. I just moved high schools, didn't know anybody, and we became friends at first for about a year. I was initially drawn to him because I like a motorcross boy that has that bad boy kind of persona. However, he was actually very sweet and easygoing. Everybody liked him. Everyone wanted to be around him. I'm an only child, so my parents were very involved in my life.

So he just kind of became another member of our family. He went to everything with me. My parents got to know him very well. And everyone thought we were those high school sweetheart that were going to make it, you know? So David came from a very wealthy, well-connected, family, mostly driven by his grandfather. His grandfather, Walter, he made his fortune in finance and set up trust funds for all the grandchildren. So David was set for life, whether he did something or not. That was not a part of why I liked him. It's just a factor in my story and kind of comes in later.

I graduated high school at 16. I graduated early, not because of David, but I was just ready. So because of that, even though he was a grade older than me, we graduated at the same time. So I graduated 16, he graduated 17, and after about a year of dating, the first went off to college. So I originally went to school in Ohio, and we're in Georgia. So he actually, he went to the University of Georgia pretty close to home. I decided not to follow him because I've always been about independence, being successful on my own, and I had gotten a full ride, so I went off to Ohio. This girl graduates early from high school, full ride, and it's like, boy, bye, I'll write you. However, however, we still get dup by men.

Speaking of finances in relationships and financial education in general, I want to talk about credit. I'm very proud that I have good credit. And I wouldn't, if my parents hadn't been so involved in helping me build that when I was like 18 and starting my life as an adult, because I didn't know anything. And this story as we go on continues to talk about that. And that's why I love Monarch. And I love that we advertise with Monarch.

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up or if there's a red flag that you need to adjust for. Write your own. money story with Monarch, use code dating at Monarch.com to get your first year of Monarch core half off at just $50.00. That's 50% off your first year at Monarch.com with code dating. So you go to college. We go to college and we're dating long distance. Very easy. He actually visits me all the time. It's a 16 hour drive and he makes it in a single day to come visit me for the weekend and then go back to school. So like we were. Wow, that's nice. Yeah. Right. Right. What a what a key, you think. So he, he misses a lot of school, which I find kind of wild at the time.

Maybe it was my first indicator of like, what, what's going on here? Because at my school, I couldn't miss class like that. But he said because he was at a big school, his class is really large, they didn't take attendance. So that's why he did get away. That's true. But also to have time to drive 16 hours, like a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

I did go visit him one time freshman year. went and saw his dorm, met his weird roommate. And I think that was all I needed to see to go, you know what? You can keep visiting me. That's absolutely. Totally. Totally fine. So let's go to where things don't add up.

Like the little bits and pieces that start making me go, am I being told the whole truth here? So he never remembered when school breaks were. I don't know if you remember being in college or even in high school where you were counting down the days for fall break. And as soon as you start fall break, you know when that, when you have to go back to school. Because you're ready for it. Yeah. Right. Right. So you hit that burn in your brain that you're going back on January 3rd or whatever it is. Yes. He never knew those dates. He never, he was like, oh, his own school. For his own school. So that was weird to me. But I talked it up to him being just like a silly boy. Because he was so laid back. He's kind of dopey. Was he a good student? Allegedly. I mean. Like in high school, he was fine. Yeah, you never saw. He was. run a flag in that department. Yeah, I mean, he graduated.

I don't, I mean, we were there together. I was top 10%. He was not. But like, once again, boy, just hanging out. I mean, I was like, I'm, I don't need you to be as successful as me because I'm good. You're just sweet. And just like someone who's easy going. But I think that's where you give too much grace at that point because you're just like,

oh, he's just a boy. Yeah. So fast forward. We're in sophomore year of college now. and he's getting his own off-campus apartment, which is great because that dorm room, I was happy to never have to visit the dorm room ever again. I transferred back to Georgia. I decided not to go to the same school as him.

I go to a different school in Georgia. However, at first, when I first talked about it, he was on board. He wanted me to go the same school. But as we got closer to it, he was super supportive all of a sudden for me to go to the other one. And I thought he was just being supportive of me doing what I want, not what's best for the relationship. So now we're a lot closer. So I can drive.

I have my car now. I can drive to him and I'm ready to visit him the first time sophomore year. And all of a sudden, he has a water main break in his apartment. And he has to move out immediately. So I can't, he's like,

no reason for you to come this weekend. I have to move. I'm going, great. I don't want to help you move anyway. And I don't hear from him for like a day because he's having to move out. So he tells me, oh my gosh, amazing.

I actually have my cousin, who's a girl who I've met many times, my cousin actually has a space in her townhome. I'm going to have to move in with her, which is very innocent. However, she lived with another girl from our high school that I always thought they had like some weird chemistry. And I was a huge fan of her because she wasn't very kind to me. But it was one of those things that was his option.

Yeah. He had to move in with his cousin and his other girl. So not thrilled about it. However, that's when a red flag went up too. I'm going, if they were in student housing, how do they magically have a space open for him? It didn't add up at all. So I go visit the first time, and I am in the bedroom.

He is showering, and I hear the two girls that live there in the kitchen talking to some of their friends. And they are talking about how they're like whispering, but like it's a very loud whisper talking about I can't believe that she believes this I can't believe that she's like gone away with it just smack talking me while I'm in the bedroom it's Valentine's weekend by the way oh my god and I come out and have just like a freak out to them he's still in the shower he doesn't know this is happening I'm like I looked you in the face I asked you guys if he was lying to me you said no I knew he was lying I knew he'd been here all along

but no one told me. I mean, it was crazy. Imagine this man comes out of a shower wrapped in a towel, and this World War III is happening. Oh, my God. To go back into the bedroom, I let him have it,

and basically he tells me, look, yes, I was lying. I didn't want you to be upset. It wasn't an option. This is what my grandfather was willing to pay for for my cousin and I, because grandpa was also taking care of cousin. Okay.

So he said, you know, this is like a money thing. I didn't get to choose, but I didn't want she to be upset. So it's not a lie bigger than that. He's not cheating. So they didn't say anything like that. They just like, no,

it wasn't a cheating thing. It was just lying about something. So many lies led up to that. You're like, why? Why not just tell me, rip the band-aid off and say, my grandfather said I had to split rent with my cousin? Yeah, honestly.

That leads us up to all the other lies. You're like, why lie about that? Why lie about that? That's not a big deal. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. Oh, my God. You guys, I don't know if you've heard, but I opened a Barbie studio for my business. So I wanted a space where I could do makeup and connect with my audience and have makeup classes

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He stays living with them the entire time. And I graduate after four years and immediately go into the workforce. He stays because he is going through a five-year program to get his finance degree. So they have a five-year program where you can get your master's and your undergrad instead of him six years in being five. So through all this time, he's FaceTime meeting the library, he talks about his classes, how hard they are. I'm in business school too, so we have similar classes.

When I visit, he has all the finance books. He's talking about his friends and his professors and all that. We're seemingly having similar college experiences. However, he eventually graduates with his master's degree a year after I've already been in the workforce and it comes time for graduation and we were all going to go to his college graduation but he created this huge fight about how his family had a private plane they that was a part of a part of their well okay same yeah no just kidding and he was talking about how there weren't enough seats for my parents to come and myself to come to the the graduation whatever made it a big

deal i said i don't care like we'll drive it'll be fine and said that you know what this is not even worth i'm just not even to go to graduation and for him he's never been one that cared about his birthday he cared about any kind of celebration for himself so it made total i mean he didn't even want to go to our high school graduation yeah that for me made sense that was textbook, David. He just didn't want to do those things. So we said, scrap it. We'll have a graduation party. My parents threw him one at our house. We had a graduation party for him graduating with his master's and did not actually attend the graduation ceremony. And a few weeks after that, he proposed. We've been together for so many years. We high school sweethearts and now

college sweethearts and he proposed and it was ready to like get our lives started. Were you like about time? Did you know it was coming? What was the situation? I knew it was coming, especially since my dad was very teary for a few days. And he's just terrible at keeping secrets. And then they had their digital camera out because back then that was the thing. And so it was like charging. I'm going, they never used this thing. Like, why are they charging their digital camera?

Oh, my God. That is so funny. How cute. Yeah. And then they were going to dinner that night. And I remember being so offended that they were going to go to dinner without me. And they said, well, you're really. going to dinner with David. I'm like, I don't want to go to dinner with David. I want to go to

dinner with you all. You know, I wanted us to all go together. But really, it's because they were hiding out in the bushes whenever he were first. Oh my God. Yeah, but we're, everybody was super happy. Like my parents, they are tough cookies and they loved it. Yeah. Yeah. Mind you, my dad was a warden of a prison. So for him to like the person that I'm now engaged to is a big deal. Yeah. He thinks he's a human lie detector. truly. I love it. So after we get engaged, he moves into my apartment in Atlanta. We are planning this big southern wedding, 400 people.

My mom is foaming at the mouth. I have bridal showers and bachelor at parties, go to Vegas for bachelor at party, you know, the whole nine yards. And he starts his job. We're both working and we're sharing a bank account, paying rent. And mind you, the apartment that we were in, I had already been there for a year. I'd already been there by myself paying.

And I had just enough to pay for rent bills and have some fun with my girlfriends on the weekend. I was doing great. So him moving in and adding a brand new salary, things could only go up from there. Yeah. We're rich as far as I'm concerned. His is all just like disposable income at this point. Yeah. So grandpa gets him this job with Chase doing like wealth management.

because that was what he did. And when we have family connections like that, that's what you do. So he goes into it and decides that he needs all these custom suits to look the part. So we go handle all that. We get all these custom suits and he looks sharp. He looks the part. And it was pretty fun at the beginning because we went to work at the same time. We would get dressed together.

We'd both leave and get home about the same time. And we were honestly engaged life was pretty easy. but now we needed to have like real conversations about money about how much you get paid when you get paid he never knew when his pay schedule was he didn't know if it was like the first or the 15th or every other Friday or anything like that so for budgeting purposes I could never get a good read and I also couldn't get a good read on what he was actually making because when we did get money in our bank account it would be solid amounts everybody knows like anybody who's out of up at an ice cream store knows that if you make $5 an hour, you don't get $5.

You get $3.22. Like that's what I'm saying. Yeah. But we were getting like $4,000 on a random day. It wouldn't be a Friday. It wouldn't be the first and the 15th. It would just be a random day. And it would come into your bank account like you would see a direct deposit or he would

deposit it. No, I would see it. Well, I would see it be a Chase deposit. Oh, okay. But he also had a Chase bank account on his own. Okay. And sometimes it'd be $4,000, sometimes it would be, it was just these random amounts on random days. And it was always right after I asked about it.

What? Oh, my gosh. So I'd be like, so when you get paid again, he's like, well, I'm on commission. I'm wealth management. So like sometimes we make commission, sometimes we don't. And I chalked it up to not knowing about commission in thinking that I just don't understand how this works. And you said the payments are coming from a Chase account, like a transfer from another Chase account? like a transfer from another Chase account?

That's what it looks like. Just says Chase. I mean, I didn't put together, whether it was his company or his bank account, like I didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand. Okay. Because we still maintain our own separate accounts that we already had, but then put money in our shared account. Did you have any weird feelings about that?

Was it just like, oh, that's interesting? Or was that a red flag for you? It was a red flag. But sometimes with your intuition, you don't know, you don't know what questions to ask. Yes. Yes. What am I missing? Like I said that over and over again.

I'm like, I know I'm missing something. You know what I'm missing, but I don't. Your gut is screaming at you, but you don't know what it's screaming. You can't. It's like ahead of you. Yeah. Totally. Like red flags.

And I'm super close to my parents. So I told them all these things. and they couldn't figure out either. They couldn't, we couldn't pinpoint what the issue was. But we were still on track to get married. Like it wasn't, it wasn't so big that I was willing to break up. Once again, the silly boy is starting to wear off because now we're adults and. Yeah, and now this is affecting me.

Yeah, but it's like, it feels small. It's big, but it feels small in comparison to everything else you've invested in this person. Right. So I'm just putting little markers and all these things and just putting them in my pocket until I can really figure out what my questions are. This really came into play when I came home for work. I would come home for work occasionally during lunch to do laundry, whatever. I worked very close to the apartment.

And the night before we had gone, we'd stayed out late. It was a Sunday. And we had stayed out late. He could not park his truck near our apartment. usually we could park right in front of our door. This time, because it was Sunday night, everybody was home. We had to park way far down. So Monday morning, same thing happens as normal.

We get up. We leave at the same time, walk out the door. He's in a suit. I'm dressed. And I come home for lunch. I didn't tell him I was coming home for lunch because what did he need to know about me coming home to do laundry? Yeah.

But when I get home, his truck is in the exact same spot. All the parking spaces are empty by our apartment. but his truck is in the same spot from the night before. Oh. So I went up to it. I touched it. It was cold, so it had not been used. I'd only been gone for like three or four hours at this point.

What a good, I would not think to do that. Yeah, I just. He's smart. Very smart. I just wanted to see, like, if you say you just got home, is your truck still warm? So I walk in and he is sitting on the couch in his boxers playing Xbox. And I am shook. I'm going, what, what are you doing?

why aren't you at work? He was, oh, we had an early release day. An early release day on a Monday? I mean, first grade. It's not elementary school. Trust me. And I just, it was one of those things that was like, you think I'm that dumb?

Like, try again. But, yeah, I mean, he really just was going for it. He was still acting like he had gone to work that day and then come back. But he never stepped foot in that truck. So he didn't, like, when you walked in, he wasn't like, oh my God, oh, he was like, oh, we had an early release day. Like, why are you freaking out? He had one of those silly little headsets with a microphone on it and was talking to somebody on Xbox while playing it.

And yeah. Which now that's an ick forever if a man plays Xbox with a headset. Oh, right, for sure. Because you're right. And I understand it completely. So now I'm, the sensors are fully up. So then fast forward to now. our money is starting to be more and more sparse. So he's picking up things on his own from his own bank

account, but our actual bank account is dwindling down because one thing I didn't mention about David, he was obsessed with working out supplements, all those things. So he was spending like $800 a month on supplements alone from our bank account. And that was not a part of my budget beforehand, let me tell you, like, that's more than I had spent on groceries in three months. So our bank account started dwindling and the deposits became less and less. And now we're at my birthday. We've bought tickets to go to a baseball game. I check our bank account and we have overdrafted.

And I have never overdrafted before. So we get into a fight, I ask them where money is. He says he had a slow commission month, whatever. And I have to call my dad so that I can get a beautiful. year at my own birthday baseball. Oh, man, that sucks. Yeah, and I've never, I never did that before and I never had to do it after. So it was just a weird.

And it wasn't because you couldn't have the information to budget. Yeah, I mean, I always knew my budget and what I was spending, but he would just freely use the card, but then money wouldn't come in. So it was just so weird. It was so uncomfortable, but I sat that conversation aside so that we could have a great time. It's your birthday. They want to, like, think about it. But that's when I was like, okay, I have more questions,

and we're going to have to sit down and talk about this. So I realized after a while, he's not freely talking about his coworkers, his boss, like anything like that. I'm a yapper, so I understand I tell too much. However, I think it's weird that I don't even have one solid single person that he works with. So weird. So I say that, and all of a sudden, it's a fountain. Like, he is telling me about this.

person and that person and this boss in all these situations, talking about how he doesn't like this coworker. And it's just like this wealth of information now that we did not have originally. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I would like to challenge you to rethink the rules of mental health. We know there's a stigma behind mental health. But to be honest, there shouldn't be. I love using BetterHelp for my therapy, for my mental health. There's plenty of reasons why we put off getting support. For me personally, I really relate to Barbie a lot because I feel like Barbie is the woman who she did all the jobs. She represents every woman and every young girl. She's very relatable. And if you ever saw the Barbie movie, you saw the monologue where they were talking about how women

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visit betterhelp.com slash TDD to explore your payment options. That's better h-elp.com slash T-D-D. So I pick up a second job because he's not doing well at work at all. Commission's not coming in and I said, well, the money's got to come from somewhere. So pick up a second job, nating. And I'm leaving work to go nanny at night and then naning on the weekends and coming home and he's on the weekends, he's playing Xbox while I'm out meaning. It's, it was.

And we're planning a wedding. And we're planning a wedding. Luckily, my parents were paying for that. However, the money's got to come from somewhere. I'm exhausted at this point. I'm working two jobs, like 60 hour a weeks, trying to get this handled. And I get home one day, and I, I just break down. I ask him, I'm like, what am I missing?

You haven't been paid in a long time. I'm working all the time. All I see you do is play Xbox, but you have this high-powered job. What am I missing? Like, please just tell me, make me feel less crazy in this moment because all these things aren't adding up.

We're about to get married. And money comes, money goes. Like, I just help me understand what I'm missing. And he breaks down crying. Crying. Crying. I've known this man for eight. years. I've never seen him cry once. And he is bawling. So I ask him, again, what am I missing?

And he says, well, I actually no longer work for Chase. And I'm like, well, that's, duh. Like, that made sense perfectly when he said that. But it was at this moment that he told me, he no longer had the job at Chase, but it's because they did a background check and they found out he didn't have a master's degree. I said, well, why do you not have a master's degree? Like, did you not finish that last year? He's like, well, I couldn't get a master's degree because I don't have a bachelor's degree. Oh, my God.

So I'm like, well, what do you mean? You don't have a bachelor's degree. Like, we've just been in school for five years. He said, well, I had a really tough time freshman year. I got put on academic probation. Oh. And they didn't survive academic probation. So from sophomore year to a year after senior year, he just cosplayed as a college student.

What? And all these things started flooding back. The fact that I'd go visit and we couldn't sit in the student section at a football game. I realized like I had met a few friends of his, but not that many friends because you can't make friends if you're not going to class or anything like that. Oh, my God. Yeah, so I thought about all the years of all the lies of that's why you don't know when you're going back to school because you are not enrolled in school currently. Oh my God. So what is he doing all that time?

Yeah, what is he doing? It's a great question. I got no clue. I had zero clue. And a lot of people ask me like, do I think he was cheating or doing things like that? I don't think, I honestly don't think he was cheating with a girl. It sounds like he was playing Xbox. I think he's playing Xbox.

And maybe that's what his cousin and her friends were kind of thinking. They were like, she doesn't realize that he's a bum. You can't tell me that they lived with him because he lived with him the entire time. You can't tell me that they weren't also going, he never goes to class. He only goes to the library with somebody else because you can't get into the library. Right. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Okay, so all this comes out. He admits that he did not finish college. Yep. And those dollars that we were getting were actually not from a job. I don't know if he ever actually had a job at Chase ever. Wait, what? What? Then where was the money coming?

Oh, my God. Well, granddad had set up trust funds and money for everybody. Right. He was pulling from, oh, my God. And that's why they were just solid amounts. They just couldn't randomly and he was just pulling money because after he turned out. 21 he had access to that fund makes so grandpa figured out that he was pulling money and cut him off a few months before and said if you don't tell her I will because granddad figured it all out oh my god

I'm freaked out I leave the apartment I call my dad and my dad and mom are just going we knew it like it all of a sudden if all those crazy moments that you had in your head going am I being crazy about this? Am I overthinking us? They all come rushing back to you all at once and you go, you feel so justified, which is a relief. Yeah.

But then at the same time, you're like, who is living in my apartment right now? Like, who is that person? So my dad says, what are you going to do? Like, you can't stay there. You've got to get out. And he says, your mom's in Miami right now for work. I'm overseas.

I'll come to Miami. made me there. So I get on a plane. And I tell you, I went to the airport with just a backpack and my engagement ring inside the backpack and a big sorority t-shirt and Nike shorts. I mean, I just, I packed nothing else because I was so stunned. And I just took the first flight to Miami just to get out. So he moves out. We canceled the wedding. My parents lost every deposit. We're a month and a half from getting married. So every. We're a month and a half from getting married. So every deposit is paid. There's no way to get any of the money back.

My parents don't care. My parents were very gracious about it. That's nice that they were so supportive and understanding. I mean, they were duped too. Yeah. Totally. They were heartbroken. And they had many times where they reached out to them because my dad wanted an explanation.

My ex did not grow up with a dad. So my dad felt very much like his father. And he wanted an explanation. Like, you didn't just lie to my daughter. you lied to me. You lived in my house, we went on vacations together. But he never heard from him again.

Never spoke to him. So was he lying to only you about college and about? Everyone. He was lying to everyone. Wait, okay. So what happened to, like, do you know how other people reacted in his life when they found out?

They were shocked. And the people that found out were people that I told that was our mutual friends. His, the first person that figured out was grandpa. Yeah. and I don't, I have no idea how it got dispersed to the rest of the family. I never spoke to any of them ever again. But everybody, they found out whenever we split because I wasn't going to lie about why we

weren't getting married after eight years. Yeah. I was going to lie about it. I had a few like one-liners I would use just to, I would say you need to ask him about his college degree that he doesn't have. Yeah. And then see, I'm like, if you really want to know, go talk to him. about it. I think that's a very diplomatic way to say it. So I am trying to get my life together

and oh my god. Grandpa reaches out, which he and I were never friendly. He always thought I was less than and that I was not someone that was worthy of being with his grandson, which is hilarious, knowing what we know now. One of us has a college degree and one of us doesn't. So he reaches out and he says, how much do I need to make this go away so that you don't, I don't know, go on a dating podcast and talk about it. I, which I didn't sign anything. I said, I don't want anything. I just want my locks change his name off the lease.

I want to go back to where I was before he moved in and figure out what the next steps of my life look like. He ends up mailing me a check for $1,000, which fine. Oh, okay. That's not that much. I guess, yeah. Yeah, I mean, thanks. Images, sure.

and go about trying to figure things out. All this is to say, I wish I could say I cut him off and never spoke to him again, but I didn't. I was still trying to rationalize what happened and rectified. Yeah, the person that I knew and the person that actually was. So the communication's still open. We're talking. Obviously, the weddings canceled and things like that.

But I got a brand new job right at the start of this, which I was so thankful about because no one there knew I was engaged. So he starts showing up at the new job, bringing gifts. What? Oh, no, the love bombing. The love bombing. He's asking for my car keys so he can go get it detailed. He's doing all these things.

And my co-workers, she's like, that boy is so nice. He's so cute. Give him a chance. You know, they have no idea the history because I don't want people to know my business like that at work. I'm very big about the separation of church and state, if you will with my job. So I'm thinking, okay, maybe we can get back to a place of friendship.

He gets a job in construction, allegedly. I don't care. He's not on my, we're not on each other's payroll anymore. But he finds this kitten. And I am like an animal lover. And he knows that I have cats. Oh, no. Everything. Yep.

So he sends me a photo of this tiny little kitten on a construction site and says, I just found this kitten. I'm actually taking her to the vet. and I'm going to pay to get her bottle fed and all that because obviously he can't do that. And then he asked me, do you want to be her mom? Implying that he and I would raise this cat together. And you're like, it's a baby. I know. I'm like, no, that's not a conversation for us to have right now.

We're not in that place. But keep me posted on progress. So like every week or so, he would say, oh, she's doing great. She's getting a pound. She's done this. the vet said this and I'm thinking this man is not making much money and he's spending his harder money at the vet for this little kitten I it got me I'll tell you it really did but I started noticing that the photos that I was getting were the kitten wasn't getting any bigger in all the

photos no he lost oh that he had taken multiple photos within that one time frame different angles different and was using this to keep up this lie about this kid. I guarantee he never saw that cat again after that day. Oh my God, he did a photo shoot. He did a total photo shoot. And this is when you could start adding the photos to your photo album in Apple, and you could see the date, and they were all the same date. Idiot.

Meta data. Yeah. Thank God he's an idiot. Because I said, okay, you were still lying about things that don't even matter. at this point, it gave me the total ick. I just no longer thought he was attractive. I didn't want anything to do with him. Sure, should I have gotten the ick with the previous story?

Yes, but, you know, we're, we want to be sympathetic people who give second chances and we want, we have hope. And that's a beautiful holiday. Yeah. Yeah. So that, that made me realize, like, we can't. Like, it was really the final straw. The whole calling off the wedding should have been. the kitten. That was the kitten. That was the final straw. So two more thing, two big things

still happen. So my best friend Mia and I were engaged at the same time getting married. I was getting married first. That didn't happen. But, and we were made of honors in each other's wedding. And hers came up a year later. So I'm at her wedding. And this mutual friend of ours, who I always had weird feelings about because this was another girl that I thought David could have liked just kind of from vibes. But we know. Yeah, it's just weird. So I'm at Mia's wedding and Claire, this girl comes up to me and she is falling. And I'm going, the margaritas were good, but like, were they that good?

I mean, why are we crying? And she has this sob story about how her and David dated after he and I split and that he lied to her. and was saying how he actually cheated on her with another girl that was also on my list of like girls that I was nervous about and they ended up moving in together and buying a house together and all that with this third girl and this is all in a year yeah yeah meanwhile he's still talking to me this whole kitten situation is going on while he's dating Claire but I didn't know he's dating Claire so it was just like ick I don't want any I just want to know I just want to never speak this man's name again.

He doesn't have social media, so he couldn't even, like, social media stock. And now that makes sense that he, why would he ever have social media? Because he didn't want any kind of tracking at all. So I think I'm done with him. I feel really good about it. Until a few years after that,

when I started getting things in the mail from creditors, and I thought it was junk. I thought Shirley, because it had both of our names on it. I'm like, oh, this is some like old junk, whatever. And then I go to buy a couch. I just want a piece of furniture. It's my first thing I'm going to put on credit ever.

I'm a big girl. I'm going to make a monthly payment. And the lady at the furniture place pulls my credit and tells me I have terrible credit. What? And I'm going, how do I have terrible credit? Like, I haven't bought anything before. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Go pull your credit report. and she's like, you need to look at this. So I pull it and there are multiple credit cards that are in default. Oh my God. Just maxed out, defaulted the whole nine yards and in collections. So those letters I was getting in the mail, unbeknownst me, should I have opened them? Yes, but I didn't. They were collections accounts because he had been opening cards in both of our names.

and when granddaddy's trust fund money ran out, he was using the credit cards to pay for things, including those custom suits, dinners, all those things. And I assume that he maxed those out. And then that's when we started overdrafting because the money from the trust fund was coming. We're maxed out. And from the records that I found, He was paying the minimums on those credit cards for the year that we were still kind of talking after the engagement ended.

But then whenever it was never a thing anymore, he just stopped paying them and just said, forget it. So I call him. It's the first time I talked to him a very long time and say, what is all this? I don't know what to do with this. And first he denies it. It tells me that those aren't his. I said, well, I didn't open them. And at first, I thought maybe I had some kind of identity theft or,

they were wrong. Like they had the wrong person. I didn't immediately go to, oh, he's the one doing this. But he originally denies it. And then I tell him, like, I have the accounts. These are cards.

They were open when we lived together. Like, it all adds up to you. And then he says, well, you should pay for them because they were money I spent on you. It's not how that works. If you buy me a present and then you go into debt, I don't owe the money,

but okay sure so at this point i'm going i'm he's not going to do anything about it he doesn't care and i'm trying to you know eventually i want to buy a car on my own i want to do all these things yeah when i pulled the final amount it was 20 000 holy shit yeah oh my god what did you do luckily i don't have a grandpa like he does however i do have a father who is very gracious who said, look, I'm not going to pay for all of this, but I will pay for it now so that you can start rebuilding your credit, but you are going to have to pay me back over several years' time. So then I started getting, I started paying my dad like 500 bucks at a time to get it,

to pay him back. But he's like, I want you to be able to close these, get these off your credit report so that maybe in seven to 10 years when you're buying a house, it'll be yeah yeah yeah because he's like there's nothing we can do because you can't sue him if there's no money

we did talk to an attorney but they're like if grandpa is worth the money but he's not you can't sue him for things especially when it has your name on it you can't get blood from a rock yeah yeah you can't and you would have to do a civil suit for

fraud but that doesn't have any money attached it's just yeah it's like is it worth it to prove that you didn't consent to these? Like, what does that get you? Right. And it's just a whole lot of more nonsense having to talk to him versus just being done with it.

Can grandpa just pay? Oh, my gosh. I look back and I'm like, I should ask for more. What's going on with him now? Do you know? So I, it's funny because I was recently talking to Mia about this, about how, like, isn't that so wild that this happened so long ago, she goes, oh, it's especially wild because he's married.

I'm like, that doesn't shock me. He is a type of person that wants to like allegedly be with one person. But she's like, he's married and he has two daughters. And I mean, not my business. I don't know her. I would never reach out because who knows what story he told her about his first engagement ending. Like, how do you, I can't imagine any spin you could put on it while still talking about the that would make me the bad guy.

So there's no way she knows that he lied for five years about going to school. Totally. Wow. It was for years and years. I'm still getting creditors coming out of the woodworks. Oh, my God. And it made me look at money and relationships so differently. It actually led me to my first marriage that I actually got married.

We had separate bank accounts. and there was a lot of financial abuse in that relationship. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Which led to divorce, but I literally just didn't, I just didn't know how to trust. It became kind of mean to men and didn't trust anybody.

And that sat with me for a long time. A lot of therapy, a lot of trust but verify has been a big part of my story ever since then. Yeah, we put that on merch and sold it. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You got to get you a trust but verify shirt.

I love it. I think that's really big of you to admit that you're like it hardened me. It also affected my future husband and I because at first I didn't, I wouldn't let him in. I wouldn't trust him. And he actually broke it off with me because he said, I'm putting everything on the table here. And you're too busy trust but verifying everything and thinking everything I'm saying is a lie. Like I actually, you need to go do some more work. And he was right.

Yeah, but still it sucks because you're like, but that's what makes me feel safe now is trusting but verifying. Can I ask you about finances? You mentioned it already, but now that you are engaged happily, what have you learned about healthy ways to combine finances with your partner, especially after what you've been through? Well, when I was online dating for a little bit and I used to joke that like, I need to see your credit score first. Yeah. But that's kind of not a joke. my future husband and I were building a house right now. So we already had to put it out in the table any baggage that we have, which there's not any, but he knows my past and knows about radical transparency.

So now, I mean, all you need to do is pull somebody's credit report. It'll show you all the bad. It may not show you all the good. It's not going to show you all the investments and everything. But he has been like, here it is, log into this. Here's my phone password. here is this. Like he's been all about radical.

So it's not just verbal. It's look at the account. Look at the numbers. Let's sit down and see it all together. Yep. Yep. It's so important. It's so important to know.

And here's the difference is I never asked for any of that. He just knew the past. And he said, I'm going to do this because I want you to know. Because I want you to feel safe. Huge. I'm so happy that you found a. a partner, not a person you had to babysit. Honestly.

Truly. It's, yeah, it's a big blessing. But I think that all the things that I've gone through have made me a better person, which that is not credit to him. You cannot take those flowers. However, how I've handled it and moved on has made me a better person, a better communicator to my partner and better at setting boundaries of what I will put up with and what is good.

Good. You're awesome. You're my hero. 100%. Podcasts like this, social media, like sharing and talking about my side of things has been very cathartic. I mean, this happened, I mean, started 20 years ago, but I'm still working through it today. So thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to actually speak my truth because that is how you heal. And the more you talk about it, the less it stains. Yeah, and the more it helps others. And it goes to show how things like that can affect people forever.

Like this isn't just a oopsie doodle. I stole her money. She's fine. Like, no, this is going to affect you forever and ever and ever. Yeah. So any girls that feel girls, women, any women that had their little spider senses intuition. Kind of intuition. Yes.

Like just trust that. Just know, ask questions. Keep asking questions until you get the answer because I wish I'd ask more questions and not sure I play this school. Well, this guy's a douchebag. Like, he's ruined her life forever, basically. Credit is not something that's easily repairable. And when I was the age that she was when she got married, I didn't know anything, I think. Period. but also about credit specifically. Well, there's no, as long as you know what X plus Y equals Z, then you're fine. But heaven forbid, they teach us any of any of the different kinds of triangles, but I didn't know how to have a credit card.

Or how to live an adult life. Like, I just feel like. What are things we can do? Yeah. How do we help ourselves and our kids? I think not waiting until you're a victim of like identity theft is a smart thing to do to, you know, monitor your credit. You can just, there's different, different credit monitoring.

Like a social security monitoring service. Yeah, you can monitor your social security because she defaulted on a lot of these loans because she didn't know they existed. And so if she had been monitoring them, perhaps she could have gotten on top of it more quickly and it wouldn't have affected her as greatly. So it's just something that's out there, not to say she did anything wrong. You shouldn't have to do that. No, I'm not blaming her.

I'm blaming the fact that the education around it is just so minimized. And we don't, I don't want any of our audience to think, well, if she was looking better, she would have seen it. No, no, no, no, no. But there are things that we can do. It just sucks that we have to. Yeah. Well, I think, yeah, set things up for your kids if you have kids that are around that age and help. Help to protect them.

I say that. But then again, I'm like, my family definitely talked to me about like student loans and credit stuff. And I just remember being kind of in one year out the other because to me it was theoretical at the time. and I didn't really have a concept of it. So it is hard. And I just, I think if you're that young, obviously it can work sometimes. She kind of mentioned this after we stopped recording, but she said that her sorority culture was also very big about getting married.

She was a bridesmaid 14 times. Yeah. So she totally got understandably caught up in that and wants that fairy tale. And a lot of us want that. And that's okay. But you have to realize that marriage is not a, fairy tale, it's a contract. Yeah, it really is.

It's a business decision and an important one. So you have to ask those questions. Finances are not romantic, but it's just something you got to do. It's something you got to talk about. But honestly, if, like she talked about who she's with now, being transparent, that is romantic to me. That would turn me on. We would have a good night if somebody sat me down and said, here, let me show you all my

finances. I'd be like, yeah, let's look through them. and then go out to dinner. Without even huffing and puffing about you. Yeah. Dude. Just like willingly. That's so nice.

Okay. So finances can be romantic. Hot take. Another thing is that this guy was lying to everyone. And she, I think she trusted him mostly because they were high school sweethearts. And,

you know, she feels like she knows this guy. But your dad was a prison warden. Like you never, you never realize how even someone that you think, you know so well even they could be lying to you and that's that's sad it is we talk about dogfish as like dating up uh vulnerability yeah all the time and it isn't always that and that is important to remember you got to have your guard up but she really took us through at the end I'm so glad

the work that she did to open herself up to the right person because we can't lose hope love is real I still believe. And also don't freaking trust anybody. Trust what I'm terrified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's real. I mean, she even mentioned that. She said, she said all the, that her guy was like, hey, all this checking and not trusting and trusting but verifying.

This is, this is out of control. And it's like, sorry, but I mean. You get what I've been through. You get what I've been through. Well, this relationship is just such a good example. The first one of trusting or having Femptu. but making excuses for it. Her fem tuition was strong from the beginning, but it's hard to trust your femptuation

when you don't know how to identify what's causing the fempt tuition. And that's why I say your fom tuition never needs evidence. But it's like also we're like, but I really want the evidence. I really want to know. But if you feel your fomtuition and maybe you don't know what's causing that's screaming inside your gut, but just hold on to it because it will reveal itself. I think it's very common for a dogfish to lie unnecessarily about little things. And it's a bit of a red flag when somebody does that.

And a lot of his lies, obviously he had his reasons. But then some of them, it's like, if you catch somebody in a lie that doesn't really make a ton of sense, why? Like why? I don't think it stops there. I just don't. And that is also where my sympathy doesn't extend. much because yes, I feel bad that he maybe was raised in such a way where his grandfather

made him feel, I don't know, I'm imagining the show Succession, which is just a very rich, older grandpa or dad that just like messes up his kids. The behavior is still there and the lying is still there and the cheating is still there. I like, I don't really care where it came from. You can't do that. Honestly, you got to take accountability for where it came from. This guy messed her up and he messed up her credit. And then you can't, like, you can't get blood from a rock. So she can't sue him. And it's just, it's terrible that now she's just stuck with it.

But it's always something that we learn from and or at least hopefully. So also the kitten. The kitten. Don't use the baby. It's just the baby. And he said, look at the baby kitty. And she's like, oh, I love this baby kitty. And he was, but she didn't fall for it.

And good on her and good on her for looking at the time and date stamps on the photos. Like, what a dumb. I mean, all the live. photos. How many people have been caught cheating because they send a live photo and then click on it and the girl's like moving her out of the frame. So funny. You, if you have on have a hunch, it's not a bad idea to check. And I'm just thinking about how pathetic it is for him to be walking around different places with a kitten taking photos. Girl. Like, come on. Girl. This guy. Gross. Also, what happened to the kitten? I don't, I know. Is the baby okay? Also, I want to know.

I hope so. Also, if people work on commission, I mean, we know he was bullshitting, but like him saying, oh, it's inconsistent. Like, we don't get paid all the time. Like, I get it, but. But also, like, don't you have, like, a base salary? Like, most people that, I don't know, I want people that work on commission to debunk him with specifics. Even when you work on commission, you still have a date or something. Like, there's got to be something consistent.

unless you're a freelancer and then in that case oh that's that's a good point too there's not so much commission is just like he just says a liar liar pants and like did if he graduated like and they wouldn't she be like hey let's hang your diploma up on the wall he didn't get that far luckily they didn't get that far to get married and have to hang a diploma thank god it it ended before then uh yeah we love her She's cool as hell. But I just love, just remember what she said at the end. She's like, it's been 20 years, but it's still affecting me.

And that's just the whole point with all of this dog fishing crap. Like, come on, y'all. This is affecting people for a long time. So stop being an asshole, honestly. Yeah, it's. Stop it. So I don't understand it. But hey, Godspeed to him.

I'm glad she's in a better place. And I hope everybody listens and. trust their fomtuition from this. Yeah, and thank you for your, I know everybody's going to have positive comments. You guys are so sweet to one another and it just, it really melts my good Southern heart. So thank you. Yeah, two Southern girls with me today. I loved it.

I know, I love it so much. But thank you guys for listening. And as always, trust your Femtuation.