The Dating Detectives - The Dogfish Mom

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

This weeks guest tells us her heartbreaking story of how her mom became her dogfish, and how she came back even stronger by sharing her story with the world.  Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page! If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email [e-mail] or contact us through our website using this link This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Songfinch. Get your loved one a Songfinch song today by going to songfinch.com/TDD and you will get your song added to Spotify for FREE! This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month. This episode is sponsored by Blueland. Go to blueland.com/TDD for 15% off. ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7-233 for support. Hello, hello, hello. I almost said hi, Molly. Molly's a produce. Oh, no. I would say that someone needs their coffee this morning,

but we know McKenzie doesn't drink that. It's so cruel. Hi, everybody. Hi, we're so excited. Today's episode, you guys, holy shish kebabs, you're going to freak. Like, you guys are going to be like, no way. You're going to lose your pants. Okay, so.

it's like a soap opera fully soap opera but worse but like nobody would really put this in teap well maybe they would I guess they would I guess they would I think this would be on TV this is like telenovela levels of it's legit it's a doozy yeah so we do talk a little bit just so you know we found this story on TikTok because one of you tagged us and shared it and wanted us to know about it so keep doing that if you see something, say something. Let us know if there's a story that you think we would be interested in. We do have to keep it anonymous because that's what we do here. But this person did share their story online. So we talk a little bit about what that was like for them. But their anonymous name is Ember. And oh, my lordy lord, I'm still not over it. Are you guys ready to meet

Amber because I am and I cannot wait to get her in here. Amber, we're so glad to have you here. Thank you for being here. Thank you for coming. Hi, Amber. Are you ready to take us away? Oh, I'm ready. I hope you're ready. I'm ready. Let's do it. Let's go. Let's go. So I met my now ex-husband when I was 15. I'm 26 now. And we met in high school. He was a grade above me, but he had started school his junior year when I was a sophomore after moving from out of state. And so the only way that we even met is because the state he came from didn't require a specific. class that my state requires you to take your sophomore year. So when he moved and the school's like, oh, you need to take this class if you want to graduate. He had to take this class as a junior in a room full of sophomores, including myself. So that's how we met was purely by accident. So I remember that first day of school. I went into that classroom for that day and my best friend was in that class. I'm like, oh, awesome. We sat next to each other and other kids are piling in. And I still remember

the moment my ex had walked through the door. Me and my best friend looked at each other and we both said dibs. And I ended up marrying him and then she came out gay senior year. So he worked out. Wow. I love that. It worked out. Yeah, right. She said dibs because you said dibs. She was like, oh, oh, he's hot. Okay, yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. For sure, for sure. For sure. And so he sat behind me in class and so I was always that girl who had dropped my pencil. So he would pick it up for me and he was not a typical 16 year old high school kid he would go to school in like suspenders and a bow tie he was very dapper and so it was very different compared to most 16 year old boys that are gross so i was just infatuated by him so this class we had together was a speech and debate class

and i was kind of the top of my class in that category and so i was always finished with our assignments of writing speeches and stuff before everybody else and so one day in class I'm just sitting on my phone because I'm done already and everybody else is still writing and working on their stuff and he goes, hey, are you done? And that was the first time he talked to me. And so I'm like, my heart's like beating out of my chest

but I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm done. Yeah, what's up? And he's like, would you be willing to help me write my speech? Oh. And again, instead, I'm dying. But on the outside, I'm like, oh, yeah. Yeah, whatever. I can help you.

And that was the first time he had ever spoken to me. and I was just in love with him. Oh? And a couple of days went by, and after class, he was like, oh, before you go to your next class, I would ask you something. And I was like, okay. And he had asked me on a date. And I grew up with very, very strict parents.

So I was not allowed to date until I turned 18. And so now I'm like, oh, I don't want to seem like a loser in front of this cute older boy. But like, I can't go on a date with him. I just said, unfortunately, my parents are really strict. So the only chance of you and I spending time outside of school is if you come to my house and hang out with me and my family. And you probably don't want to do that. But he was like, no, that sounds great. Can I come this Friday?

I'll wear my best bow tie. Right, literally. And he came over that Friday and hung out with me and my family. And it was a good night. We accidentally kissed that night. we used to laugh about that story all the time. I thought he was going in for a kiss goodnight. Oh, no.

He was not doing that. So I went in for a kiss. And then he literally told me, he's like, I wasn't trying to kiss you. Oh, my God, I love that, though. And I was like, cool. Let me go cry myself to sleep. We accidentally kissed.

He made me feel like a loser for him saying, I wasn't trying to kiss you. But luckily, he made up for it. And he's like, but that's okay, I'll kiss you again. And then he kissed me. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm in love. going to get married. So anyway, we were together in high school for three years, and I was such a weirdo in high school. When I entered freshman year, I was on a mission to find a husband. My parents

were high school sweethearts, and so I really idolized their relationship growing up, and I just wanted that exact same fairy tale story. And so reasonably, when I would tell 14 and 15-year-old boys when I was a kid, I want to get married. They're like, you're crazy. Bye. But for some reason, This kid stayed around. And the summer after I graduated high school, I was supposed to go on a Disneyland graduation vacation with my older sister. It was a gift from her, but it ended up turning into an entire family vacation instead of just me and my sister, including my then boyfriend. And he ended up proposing in front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle. And it was just beautiful and romantic.

Yeah, it was the best. got married the following year. We were both 19 when we got married and we were really happy. It was our first time actually having like freedom in our, in our relationship. And again, my parents were very, very controlling. We can even, even when he would come over to our house to hang out, I couldn't even like hold his hand. He couldn't put his arm around me on the couch. We had to sit like a certain amount of space away. Like it was, it was very, very strict. Now, does that mean that we didn't still see each other in private? No, we were just, really sneaky. Yeah, no. People persevere. Right. But in front of family, we were not allowed to do

anything. So we were thrilled when I had finally turned 18. I was never home. And even more so than before, I was like, let's get married. Were they excited you got married? Did they like him? Or were they like, this is a little much fast? No, they were supportive. He asked for their permission to propose to marry me. It was like a 30 second conversation. And they were like, Duh. Yep, for sure. And he was so close to my little brother. They were best friends.

My brother was his best man. Yeah, so he was family. Fast forward a couple years into our marriage. We decided that we were finally going to try to start our own family. And unfortunately, my first pregnancy was an ectopic pregnancy. And so I almost didn't survive that pregnancy. It was a very, very traumatic, scary time. That's where it's formed outside of the fallopian.

tube, right? Outside of the uterus. Outside of the uterus, I mean, okay. In the fallopian tube. Yeah, there's multiple places it could be, but anywhere that's not the uterus. Gotcha. Okay. And in my specific case, yes, it was my baby got stuck in the fallopian tube, which obviously a baby can't grow there. It doesn't fit. Oh, I'm so sorry. Thanks. So, yeah, it was life threatening. I almost, I almost died. I had like life saving emergency surgery. It's very traumatic. Mm-hmm. And obviously everybody processes grief differently. We're all, we're all different, but I didn't feel like he was as upset as I thought he should have been. And so it just, it was really hard for me to grieve and process because I really wanted somebody to be with me, that felt like how I was feeling. And

I didn't really get that from him. He was upset, of course, but he was able to just keep going on with this day like, nothing ever happened where I was like, I, I'm alive. You're like, I need someone to be here with. I'm not living. Yeah. So it was really hard on me, I think, more than him. But my mindset was, when can I try again? And his mindset was, I don't want to try again. That was too scary. I imagine that was scary. Yeah, it was hard. But, you know, one of my dreams in life since I was a kid, and I had told my ex-husband this before we even got married when I was in high school, I said, my dream is to be a mom. When I was in kindergarten and teachers asked you, what do you want to be when you grow up and people say a ballerina, a firefighter. I just wanted to be a mom. It was my dream.

And I wanted to do whatever it took to be a mom. And so we ended up going through, or I ended up going through some like hormone therapy to try to help me out get pregnant. It wasn't working. And eventually my OB said, you're going to need to go through infertility specialists to try to get pregnant. I decided I'm going through IVF because I want this baby. And my ex-husband did not want to do that. He was not in support of doing it. The whole situation of losing the pregnancy, trying to conceive again, it was a lot on our relationship. It was really hard. But eventually, we did ultimately together decide to go through IVF. And we were very fortunate to have it work on our first attempt, which obviously doesn't happen a lot for people who go through IVF.

We were very fortunate. And we found out we were pregnant with twins. So it was so, so exciting. And he was excited when that happened or insupported? Yeah, once it was happening and, you know, we go to that first ultrasound and he sees him. He was, he was excited. I did kind of have to beg him to go to ultrasound appointments and doctor appointments with me. Once he was there at them, he was excited. But trying to get him to be excited beforehand was a little difficult. He was scared.

Yeah. So when I was 29 weeks pregnant, I was at work. and I went to labor. And I ended up giving birth to my daughters at 29 weeks. Oh, but they're twins. Is that, that's normal, right? It is normal for twins to be born early. Statistically, the average week of gestation that twins are born is 36 compared to 40.

So yes, twins are early, but not usually that early. Gotcha. Oh, man. Yeah. So, like, technically viability of just, station would be 24 weeks. Now the lungs are almost all the way developed, but they were itty-bitty, little tiny thing. And of course, that was also another very traumatic ordeal.

At different times, both of my daughters almost didn't make it. They spent the first three months of their life in the NICU. Wow. That whole year was a really hard year. Oh, and when we started our IVF journey, it was in 2020 when everything was shutting down. Oh, no. So you gave birth during COVID, too? That's so hard. Yeah. So for the first, luckily, as time went on in our three months in the NICU, the COVID restrictions in the hospital got less and less strict. But when my daughters were first born, only one person could visit at a time. And the only people who could were parents. So my husband and I would have to take turns going to go see them. We couldn't be there together to meet our daughters. That is so hard.

It was horrible. For the first couple of weeks, it was we would take turns going to go visit them. And then eventually they lifted that where we could go together, but still only parents. So no family or friends could come meet them except for me and their dad. And so those three months were really rough on my family because they didn't see my kids. They didn't see me because I was in that hospital all day, every day. I didn't go back to work. Eventually, my daughters were in the hospital so long that my maternity leave ran out.

and I lost my job because I'm not going back to work when my daughters are still in the hospital. Well, how could you? No way. Yeah, exactly. So it was a rough time. And my mother especially took it the worst out of everybody in the family of not being able to see me and see my daughters. My mother and I were very, very close. Once I turned 18, it was so weird because she was so controlling and strict when I was younger. But once I turned 18, it's as if instead of being her daughter, I became her best friend.

When my daughters were in the NICU, my mother would say, can you at least step away for an hour so I can take you to lunch or dinner? I miss you so much. And so maybe like once every other week, I would leave the NICU to go meet up with my mom so I could see her. Eventually, my daughters were healthy and got to come home from the NICU. Praise the Lord. Yes. And so I brought my daughters home from the NICU after three months and um i bet that was the longest three months of your life oh you know it's crazy my daughters are going to be three in march and even though they've been out of the niki now for almost three years when i still think back to those three months that time period feels like longer than the time they've been out it's crazy it's crazy and so when we came home the only person i

told that we were coming home was my mother everybody else i was just going to surprise but I wanted my mom to be able to be first to hold them at home and spend one-on-one time with them before the whole family came over and it was just going to be a huge. I just wanted her to have one-on-one time. And then I ended up having everybody else come over and surprise them with babies being there. And it was a great day. I recorded everybody's reactions. It was a really great time.

And I had told everybody in my family, you know, I know how hard it's been for you. you guys to not be able to know them for three months. So anytime you want to come over and see the babies, you come. Like open door, whenever you want to come see them. Just let me know. Give me a heads up. And after a week or two, my grandmother, my mom's mom, she was like, hey, if you ever wanted to, like, have certain days where you just want to nap or you want to shower or you want to go to the grocery store without bringing premature health, at-risk twins, health babies.

Please let me know. I would love to, like, even if we sit like a schedule, we're like, Mondays and Wednesdays, I come. Like,

I would love to do that so that you have certain days where you know you can plan stuff for you so that you're taking care of you. I was like, I'd love that. And then even my mom was like,

oh yeah, me too. I would totally do that. So my grandma and my mom kind of ended up making like a little schedule of days and times that they would come. So just help me out.

And it was great. But with my mom, eventually over a few months, instead of it being a couple, couple days a week for a couple hours. The time that she'd be at my house just kept increasing and increasing and increasing. And by like, let's see, my daughters were born in March. They came home from the NICU in the summer. By like October, my mother was at my house for anywhere between eight and 24 hours a day. Oh, that's a lot of mom. Oh, Jesus. We love your mom. But I'm like,

get out of my house. And, you know, their first three months of their life, I couldn't even care for my daughters by myself, you know, they were in the hospital. And so they had doctors and nurses. There was even rules when they were born of how long they could be held. I could only hold them an hour a day because of how fragile they were. And so I just, I just was like, man, my daughters now are like over six months old and I just, I just want to be alone with them. I just want to be me and my daughters and my husband. And that's it with no doctors and no nurses and no mom and no family. Like I just, I just want a day, one day. Because from the day they were born to October, I had not had one, not one day where it was just me and my husband and our daughters.

Not one. So my mother started to get to the point where she just was not, she was not leaving my house. And I finally confided in my husband and I was like, I'm going crazy. I was like, I'm so grateful for my mom. I'm so thankful for how helpful that she has been. but she's driving me nuts. I just want to be alone with my babies and feel like I can take care of them by myself.

And I didn't want to be an asshole. That's hard. I don't want you here anymore. Because she was so helpful and so kind. I was just, it was driving me nuts. And it started to take a toll on my relationship with my husband because when I would confide in him and say, I want her out of my house,

he would start to say things like, you know, it's not bad that your mom's here. She just wants to help. Like, it's going to break her heart if you tell her that. And so he wasn't, having my back and it just really started taking a toll on our relationship. Yeah. Just because we were just stressed.

We had just gone through the loss of a pregnancy and COVID and IVF and babies being born in the NICU. I mean, there was just so much happening. And eventually, fast forward to February-ish. So my daughters are almost a year old, but not quite. And my mother's at my house like she always was. And then I started to notice her start to be kind of like slurdy with my husband. And it's subtle things.

It's nothing crazy. But like it's enough stuff where I'm like, okay, this is getting kind of weird. Settle is enough. And also, yeah. And it wasn't stuff that my husband was rejecting either. Ew. So I just started to get like, what is happening? So like it would be things like when she would come over to the house because she was always at my damn house.

instead of greeting each other just saying hello or maybe with a platonic side hug she would wrap her arms around his neck and he'd swing her in a circle. Ew! And I'd be like, uh-uh, uh-uh, red flag. What was that? Weird.

Or if my whole family would be together because we're having a game night or a movie night or when it came up for dinner. If the whole family was together and my mom was like, oh man, my feet really hurt. No. He'd be like, oh, be right back. And he'd go grab lotion

and then start rubbing her feet in front of the whole family. What? Just weird stuff. And so I just started to think like, is something, is something happening there? But no, no, no. No way. Yeah, you don't want to believe that.

That is your mom? No way. Is it weird? Yes, but it's just, it's just. That's my mom. She's weird. She's been like this forever. She's a weirdo.

That's how she is. You know, you didn't see him kissing. You didn't see, like, you know. Yeah, because there's no way. No way. Like, you're, you're, how could you even think they would do that? You are a horrible wife and, daughter for even thinking they would do that to you. And I just, you just, you know, as soon as

thoughts like that enter your mind, you do not want to think that they are real. You make any, any reason you can to excuse the behavior. And so stuff like that started to happen. Did you talk to anyone about it? Your sister, your husband? No one. No. No. I didn't. And plus, again, if I was wrong, I figured that is a huge accusation to make. if I'm wrong. That could ruin my marriage. If I throw out an accusation like that and I'm not right. And so I was too fearful of verbalizing what I was thinking to anybody because I didn't want it to get back to my mom or my husband and have them be like, why would you think I would do that?

And I just already had so much happening in my life. I couldn't. Right. I couldn't take it. And so I just ignored these little things. And to me, I was like, you have really bad postpartum depression. It's just your mind. You're just over exaggerate. No way. Yes. And they're doing it publicly in front of everyone.

So surely there's nothing. Nobody else is saying anything. You're right. Yeah, no one else is saying anything. So it's probably just me. And my father's birthday was in December. And for his birthday gift from my mom, my mother gifted him with a trip for he and I to go to California for the weekend and go to Knott's Berry Farm. because that was my dad's favorite amusement park and my mother hates amusement parks but I love them and so my mother paid for it and she said you know and while while you're gone I'll go ahead and stay with your husband so that he can have some help with the babies the hell you will while you guys are gone and in my head I was like that's weird but I don't want to be I don't want to offend them I don't want to be rude I'm afraid of hurting people's feelings so I'm a freaking people pleaser So I said okay and we went on that trip

And when we got back The feelings of is something going on here Just started to grow and grow and grow And I just kept it to myself Because I felt like I was crazy Eventually one day in February It was two days after Valentine's Day My grandma comes over

And she goes I really need to share something with you And I'm like okay And she goes I don't really know what's happening but I've just been seeing some weird stuff happen between your mom and your husband and I'm like...

And I'm like, you have two? And she goes, you have? Yeah, yeah, I have. And I'm like, yes, and I thought I was crazy. And she's like, well, I haven't seen like, I haven't seen anything like that's like, boom, this is happening. But she's like, there was one day that I came over, I think you were in the shower.

And at this time, also, my husband had been fired from his job. So he was home a lot. Oh, my God. Add stress. And so your husband was in the kitchen. You were in the shower or something. And then my mom showed up. My grandma got for their first.

My mom showed up. And when my husband went to go greet her with a hug, he said, oh, hi, precious. Prech. I'm precious. And my grandma didn't say anything, but in her head, she's like, that's weird. Right? Why are you calling your mother-in-law precious? We call FM tuition.

I'm glad my mom's a lesbian because I would be starting. Like my husband is so nice to my mom. So if she wasn't a lesbian, I might be like worried. At this point, I would be like, anything is possible. I need anything. No, this is not normal. My grandma had then also shared that like a few weeks prior, she had showed up to my parents' house.

My grandma and my parents lived three doors down from each other. And so it was pretty often that either one of us would just show up unexpected at the other person's house because we're neighbors. So my grandma had showed up at my parents' house for whatever reason it was. And while she was there, my husband stopped by unexpectedly, which is not something he did. But he came by to bring a gift for my mom, just for no reason. Just here I got you something. I don't remember what it was, but a gift.

And he didn't bring gifts for anybody else that lived there, just my mom. So my grandma just also thought, that's weird. And then the last thing my grandma shared with me is that around Christmas time my older sister had spoken to our grandma and shared, grandma,

I think mom and Ember's husband are having an affair. So everybody's whispering about this and nobody knows what to do about it and finally somebody's... The sister's like, I seen it, I seen it. What did that, how did you feel feeling like people knew this

without talking to you until then? My grandma was talking to me. So for her, I was grateful. And what she had seen, just like with me, they weren't like, boom, something's happening, you know, just like how I was, which is why I wasn't saying anything. Because it wasn't like black and white. There's an affair happening. It was just like, weird feeling. Like, that's weird, but it's not screaming.

They're having an affair. But I was upset when I found out when I knew my sister knew, because my sister had seen physical and appropriateness between them. And so what my sister shared with my grandma is that on Christmas Day, we were all at my parents' house, all of us. And at one point, my older sister goes into the kitchen. And when she walks in, they're clothed, but my mother is bent over the counter. Shut up! And my husband is grinding his wee-wee on her hoo-hoo.

Clutching my pearls! No! Oh, my God. And she is silent, doesn't say a word, turns around, and leaves. and so Oh my stars I am disappointed in my sister for one not saying something to them immediately

and two not saying anything to me because now when I think back to Christmas Yeah How about what the fuck is going on in here? Yeah I would walk in and be like Fish crackers is happening in this kitchen today And so and I just think back to that Christmas and how like my everybody just acted normal

including my sister and that was happening and I had no idea. And so my grandma had just, you know, confirmed that like, man, I'm not crazy. So I was like, Grandma, what do I do? Like, what do I do? And my grandma said, you know, yes, all of these things are whack. But even still, it's not like we have proof, evidence. And so even though the things that we know are highly inappropriate and not okay,

we still don't have proof that there is an affair happening here. So my grandma said, you know, at the end of the day, the truth always comes to light. Every time, girl, yes it does. The truth shall be revealed. And sometimes it just takes a little bit of prodding. And so she said, you know, I think that we proceed with caution. I think that we keep our eyes and ears out and that we are observant. And we wait for proof.

Oh, the way I would want to go through those phones right away. So badly. Now, my husband had lost his job. So for income while he was looking for another job was to dooredash. So sometimes he was home. Sometimes he was gone at random hours, random days. I could never keep track of where he was when he was. And you were not working.

Correct. Yep. I was just to stay at home, Mama. And so that night, that day that my grandma came over and shared all this stuff with me, she eventually went home. That evening, my husband was planning to go doordashing. And when you doordash on that app, the app tells you whether or not it's busy enough for you to work. If there's not enough people ordering, it doesn't let you DoorDash.

Oh. And so that's why we never knew when he was going to work because he would just have to open the app and see, can I work right now? Is it busy enough? And so that night he was going to work. It was going to allow him to do it. And it'll even say you can work for these hours. And that's it. And then you're cut off.

And so he had told me, I'm going to work from this time to this time. I'll be home around here. And then once in a while, if while you were working, like it got busier and more people were ordering, sometimes the app would notice that and then offer you, hey, you want will let you extend your time for like an hour and then you could say yes or no so if that would happen he'd update me and say hey never mind i'm gonna be home later than i thought i'm extending all right cool sounds good and he would just keep me in the loop one so i would know when he'd be home and two if i needed to make dinner or you know have anything ready for him when he came home he just kept me in the loop

and that night my mother also was supposed to come over because she always came over but she ended up canceling which i was like oh god bless i'm gonna have a night to myself this is great true okay yeah And I remember my husband saying, I'll be home around like 930. All right, cool, sounds good. So 10 o'clock came around that night. Again, the same night my grandma was just there a few hours prior. And he still wasn't home and it was 10. So I was like I should get an ETA from him.

Maybe he extended and just forgot to tell me because that happened a couple times before. And we would text and call each other, but mostly we would FaceTime. And so I facetimed him. And he answered and I was like, hey, I just wanted to get an update on when you thought you'd be home. He said to be home at 930 and it's 10. like did you eat do I need to have food ready can I go to bed do I stay up and he's like oh yeah sorry I totally forgot to tell you that I excited the time I'm in X Y City right now so I should be home in about 20 minutes I'm doing my last order right now I'll just hit a drive-thru on my way home so

I'll be having like 20 minutes and I was like okay yep sounds good I could stay up for 20 more minutes so I'll see you before I go to bed so I'll see when you get here and then he was like all right well sounds good I'll let you go because I'm driving so I'll let you go and I'll see you assume. And that comment was weird for him to make for two reasons. One, it was weird for him to say that because even though it's not safe, we would often FaceTime while driving. We had those like magnets that like you could put your phone on so it was on. Yeah, we're not looking at it, but it's, it's there. And so it was just weird from him to say, I got to let you go because I'm driving because we would always just keep the FaceTime on even if we weren't looking at each other while driving.

Right. Kind of like if it was on speaker, you know. So I was like, that's kind of weird. And also, since we were on FaceTime, I could see him. Was he driving? And I could see that he was driving. What was he doing? He was parked. And so I was like, so I called him out. I was like, you're not driving.

Like, I could see you. And even if you were driving, you've never hung up on me because you're driving. And he goes, oh, oh, well, I was driving. And I pulled over to answer the phone. So I wouldn't be driving. He's like, I'm trying to be safer. And I'm trying right now. And I'm like, yeah, that's great that you're trying to be safe.

but you a liar because you never do that. Yeah, convenient. And then I start really paying attention to the buildings that I can see through his like driver side window. And I could see the pink neon lights that are on the movie theater right down the road from our house. Which is in the city we live in, not X, Y City he said he was in. That doesn't have a movie theater. Do men think that we're idiots?

Do they not know by now? Do they not get it by now that we are all? detectives. So insulting. Like, you think I'm that dumb. I am a detective. I will find out I'm crazy. I will find out everything. Amen, sister. Amen, girl. Yes. Yes. And so my point is,

I know where he is. So I call him out and I'm like, you're not where you say you are. I can literally see you. The movie theater's right behind you. You're dumb. And then he still goes, no, no, I'm in that city. And I'm like, we're on FaceTime. I can see you. Turn around and look at the

building behind you. And he goes, okay, you're right, I'm not there. Oh, no shit. That's what I just said. And I'm like, what is happening? What is going on? And then he goes, I've just been really stressed out

ever since I got fired and there's just been so many things going on in our lives. And I just was having a really bad day. So I just came over here to have some peace and quiet so I could just decompress before I came home. And I was like, okay, I get that. It makes me really sad that you feel like you can't share that with me. Yeah.

And just explain that. I can understand being stressed. I get it. And I fully support you and wanting to have some time to yourself. But it makes me really sad that you don't feel like you could just tell me that. Because you can. You don't need to lie and make up some story. And then all of a sudden, as I'm saying this, I can hear in the background.

I can't make out what was said that I could hear a female voice whispering. Yep. And then I can see my husband turn his face toward that voice and kind of like, like gesture to that person. And I go, who the fuck are you with?

And he goes, I'm not with anybody. I'm like, who are you with? Give me a license. I'm not with anyone. Paying around that car, please. I said, okay, then show me the passenger seat. And he says no, and he hangs up on me.

Guilty, guilty. My heart is just like, boom, boom, boom, boom. And again, I just hours prior had this conversation with my grandma. Oh, yeah. So now I'm just like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, is he with my mom? Did you call her? What did you do? So first what I did is I called him back.

And he answered. And I'm like, what the hell is going on right now? Like what is happening? And he's like, I'm just going to come home right now. Like, I'm like 10 minutes away. I'm just going to go home right now. It's fine. Whatever.

I'm just going to come home. And I'm like, who the fuck are you with? Like, show me the passenger seat. And then he started accusing me of being crazy. Oh, gaslighting. Trust me. Manipulation. I've never done anything to not make you trust me.

And, yeah, gaslighting. Oh, my gosh. So bad. Terrible. Now McKenzie's face is the one. that's like she's about to crawl in a hole. Dude, and I am just, my heart feels like it's going to fall out of my ass. Because this has happened to me.

And that feeling is so, oh, that feeling. You're like, you are lying. Can I ask you a question real quick? So in that moment, in that moment, were you like, I knew it. I freaking knew it. Like, was it like a feeling of like, oh, I knew. It wasn't surprising, right? No, I'm so pissed.

Not only because you're such a. fucking asshole for doing this to me, but I'm pissed at myself because I have been doubting myself. I have been convincing myself that I'm the bad wife. I'm the bad daughter for thinking that they could do this. How could you think that they would do this? And you're the idiot. And so now I'm not for me. Yeah. Like I deserve to treat myself so much better. So I'm pissed. And so I'm like, show me the effing passenger seat. If I'm crazy and you're right, prove me wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Prove me wrong. Show me that I'm crazy. and he hangs up on me again.

I would have had that big get out and been like, you're crazy. Dude. He's so stupid. After the second time that he hung up on me, I lost it and I, oh, I just, I wept. I had never cried so hard. And just one of the worst panic attacks I've ever had. I couldn't breathe. I felt like my throat was closing.

I just couldn't believe, like, is this really happening? Like, I'm dreaming. This is shit you see on Jerry Springer. This is not shit. that happens in real life. Like that, those shows are scripted. That stuff's not real. Like, no, no, no, no.

This is not happening. This is not happening. And after, like, it felt like forever. It was probably literally a minute, but it felt like forever. I called him again. And he answers. And he's like, okay, fine, I'll show you the passenger seat. Oh, okay.

And he shows me it. And it's empty. And I'm like, oh. I'm like, so you just, you just want me to believe that. After you hung up on me, she's not just like outside, hiding outside. How about you get out of the car and you go walk around outside? And how about you show me that she's not hiding out there? And he's like, wow, you really are crazy and just gaslighting.

And it just goes on. He's like, whatever. I'll be home in 10 minutes. I'll see you soon. Oh, okay. I'll burn all your shit. Dude. And I'm like, I know the truth.

I know the truth. What do I do? Because I need proof that she's with him. And I kind of briefly mentioned this earlier. But at this time, my little sister was still living at home with our parents. So I decided to call my little sister. And I'm still just ugly crying when I call her. And so she answers.

So the first thing I say is, I'm okay. The babies are okay. We're safe. We're healthy. Because I'm sure she's going to think, oh, my God, who died. But finally, I'm like, I need you to do me a huge favor. And I need you to discreetly go downstairs and see if mom is home. And she's like, why?

And I'm like, I just. Because she a hoe? I just really need you to do this for me. I really need you to do this for me. And this is not the sister who's seen stuff. This is my little sister. She has not witnessed. Oh, no.

Anything. So she, she's not like my grandma. She's not like me. She's not like my older sister. She has no knowledge of anything. Oh no. Oh no. And so she's like, she's like, why?

Like what's happening? I'm like, I just really need you to do this for me. Please, just please. Just go do it. Discreetly, nonchalantly, go tell me with mom's home. And she's like, what is happening? So I'm like, I think mom and my husband are having an affair. Please go fucking check if she's home.

Oh my God! Does she say that just all really, nilly? And she's like, what? And she's like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not happening. They would never do that to you. It's mom. It's your husband.

They love you. That's not happening. Like, no. And she is just like, she's totally, it's like, absolutely not. That's not happening. And I'm like, please, please. Okay, just, okay. Just, just please go, please go find out for me.

And then, and then, and then if you're right, Awesome. It's just me and I'm crazy. Just please go find out if she's home. Yes. Like, he's only 10 minutes away. Like, I don't get a lot of time here. Yeah, just go downstairs. And so she's like, okay, I don't want to keep this from you. And I'm like, keep it from me. Shut up.

And she goes, well, a couple hours ago, your husband came over. No. And he, like, talked to mom and dad. And he was like, hey, I'm door dashing right now. And I just wanted to come by and see if my mom wanted to join me. She was telling me earlier that she had a really bad day today. So I just figured I'd come get her out of the house. What?

Ew! And so my mom was like, oh, yeah, sure, that'd be great. My dad walked her to the car. Well, because who would suspect, like you at the beginning? You were so, like, no one's going to think this. Yeah, exactly. And. But that's weird.

And so yes, it was weird, but again, my family was not normal. So did my little sister think it was weird? Yeah, sure, she thought it was weird. But her mind's not going, oh, they're having an affair. Like, she had not seen any of those weird signs that I saw. And so she didn't think anything of it. So finally she's like, yeah, like, they're together, but they're not having an affair. Like, that's, that's, like, they're just door dashing.

That's all they're doing. Like, dad went to the call. And that's what we're calling it nowadays? Right. Oh. But I knew. So I just said, thank you for telling me. Gotta go.

So now I have proof. I know that they're together. Absolutely. So now I go and call my mom. And it rang twice and went to voicemail, which told me that, one, her phone wasn't like dead or on silent because it wouldn't have rang at all. She hit no. And two, she didn't miss the call because it would have rang more than twice.

She hit no. Oh, no. Yep. Oh, and I just, oh my gosh, my heart has never beat so fast. Even retelling it, my heart is beating so fast right now. So I call her again, and I call her again, and I call her again, and I call her again, and I call her eight times. And you would think that if a mother who has a daughter with twin infants, and she's calling you eight times in the middle of the night, you'd probably answer it. Yeah, you put all the drama away.

But you noticed eight missed calls. You probably would answer me like, oh, my God, sorry, what's wrong? Is everything okay? You would probably be like alert. But that's not how she answered when she finally answered. How did she answer? When she answered the phone, she said, what? I beg pardon.

And I just, I'm just still weeping. I just have tears streaming down my face. And I threw my tears. I just say, just tell me why. And she said, why what? And I said, you know what? and then I could hear my husband in the background and say, put it on speaker, put it on speaker.

The audacity. And then I hear her fumble with her phone and put it on speaker. She's like, sorry, what? Can you repeat that? I said, just tell me why. And she goes, why I'm with your husband? Oh, stop it. And I said, yes.

And then she proceeds to tell me, I had a really, really bad day today. and he knew that. And so he reached out to me and offered to get me out of the house to get some fresh air. And there's nothing wrong with that. And because I know I'm on speaker now,

I address my husband by name. And I say, before you take her home, you both need to get over to the house so we can have a little chat. Busted. Busted. So we're on speaker.

You need to get to our house so that we can have a little conversation. So then he's like, okay, sounds good. And we hang up. And now I'm like, oh, shit. I'm about to confront them and I'm alone.

I can't do this alone. And I was like, I don't have anybody that I can call. Like, I'm not going to call my little sister and put her through that. Like, she's oblivious to everything that's even happening. All my best friends live like half an hour away. So I'm like, maybe I can call my grandma. I talked to her this morning about the situation. But with my grandma, she does not sleep with her phone in her room.

She sleeps with her phone in her kitchen on silence. So healthy What is that world like? To not be phone addicted. I wonder how that feels because not I. My grandma has no social media. She uses her to make phone calls. Like she's very old fashioned.

And so I'm like, she's not even going to answer this. But I just tried and I called her over and over and over. And by the grace of God, she heard the buzzing somehow. And she answered the phone. And I am just, I couldn't even tell you what I said. I was hysterical screaming. saying something like,

what's it's true, grandma, it's true, it's happening. I just found out that they're together right now. They're sneaking out in the middle of the night. They're together and they're about to come over and I'm going to confront them and I don't know what to do. And she's just like, I'm on my way. Yes, grandma. She knew was coming.

She knew. And she luckily lives like two, like a neighborhood or two away from mine, like two subdivisions down. So she's like two minutes away. Yes. Yes. So she knows what you're dealing with. Yep.

So thank God my grandmother showed up first. And I just briefly filled her in about what just happened with me FaceTiming them and hanging up on me and da-da-da-da. Everything I just told you, but like in 30 seconds. And as I'm explaining it to her, my mother and my husband walked through the door. And they immediately come to me and try to hug me. And I put my hands out and I say, do not touch me. I go sit down on the couch. My grandma sits down.

And then my husband and my mother sit on either side of me. So I'm sandwiched in between them. And they just both immediately start to make excuses for their actions before I've even said a freaking word. They're just going on and on and on excusing what they were doing and they were just talking. There's nothing wrong with that and it's okay to talk to each other. Like, I don't know why you're freaking out. And my mom's not going to lie like that. Yeah. If everything's just fine and Danny, there's nothing wrong with it. Why are you keeping your secret? Why are we lying? Yeah. Why are we lying if it's so innocent? And then my mom says, talks about how bad, she had such a bad day,

da-da-da-da-da. And then my grandma chimed in and she's like, wait, wait, if you had a bad day, why is your son-in-law the one that you go to for that? Okay. Why aren't you going to your husband or your friends or a therapist or me, your mom? Why are you going to your son-in-law? Well, we've just gotten really close lately. We know what that means. Mm-hmm.

And then all of a sudden, my little sister walks through the door. I didn't even know that she was coming. I guess in her head, after she and I hung up, She's like, oh my God, my poor sister literally thinks that an affair is happening that's not happening. And she's home alone right now with babies. Like, I need to go comfort my sister and assure her that everything's okay. So when she walked through the door and saw my husband, my mom and my grandma, she was like, what the fuck is happening?

So she just comes inside. And even though I'm sitting on the couch, she just like steps on the couch and wedges herself between the back of the couch and my back and just like puts her arms around me and it's just holding me. And I'm just weeping and sobbing. And she just sits there silent and just holds me. but she doesn't know what the hell is happening. And then I look my husband in the face. And I say, are you fucking my mom? And again, you'd think that someone innocent would be like, what?

No. Oh my God, no, no, no, no. Like, that is not happening. But, of course, that was not his response. He said, no. Just like that? No facial expression. didn't blink, just cold, no, which told me everything I needed to know.

And then I turned my mother and I said, are you fucking my husband? And she says, no, I would never cross that boundary. Oh, now she knows what a boundary is. Yeah. And I know the truth. Like, go ahead and lie, but I know the truth. I'm not stupid. Like, I, yeah.

So I eventually tell my mom, I don't. have anything left to say to you so you can get the fuck out of my house. And then my husband stands up and he says, I'll take you home. And my grandma goes, no, you stay here with your wife and your children. I will take her home. So my grandma and my mother leave. My sister hangs out for a little while longer just to make sure I'm okay. But eventually she goes home too. And my husband goes to bed and I stay on the couch until the sun comes up and I did not sleep. You sleep. That's like the craziest night. I can't believe. I mean, I can believe that he just went to the son's up now. I'm like, I need to talk to my dad. I have to talk to my father. But I, now that I don't know

who this man is that I'm married, I don't know if I feel safe leaving my kids alone here with him. Because I don't know who he is now. So I called my grandma again and I said, hey, I need to go talk to my dad and fill him in on the events of last night. Can you please come over so that, you know, I just, I just know that my babies are okay. And she, of course, said, yeah, absolutely. So I called my dad. He wasn't answering, but I was like, I need to talk to somebody. So I called my older sister, actually, first. I went over to her house. I told her everything. She shared with me what she knew. And she, you know, was like, yeah, you need to talk to dad. Eventually, while I was there, my dad did respond and was like, yeah, I can meet you right now. So I left and I went to go meet

up with my dad. This was so late at night, right? Well, this was the next day now, so that had come up. Oh, sorry. Okay, you were on the, okay, sorry. Yep. So it's the next day now, early in the morning, but it's the next day now. And so I meet up with my dad and I say, I don't even know how to say this without just saying it, but I think mom and my husband are having an affair. And I don't really know what I'm expecting as a response, but how he responded is not what I was expecting. And all he said was you need to talk to your husband again today because today he's going to tell you the truth what truth what truth what was the truth what truth what truth

and I'm like I'm like what do you know that I don't know all of it he says he's like you need to talk to your husband today he's going to tell you the truth did he like threaten him or something like now when I went to go meet up with him I texted him saying hey I'm here. I went up to his house to go like pick him up. And when I pulled up to the house, I'm like, I'm here.

And he's like, okay, hold on. I'm talking to your mom. And then eventually he came out. So maybe she told him the truth. I don't really know. But he's like, he's going to tell you the truth today. And I'm like, what do you know that? I don't know.

What does that mean? And then he goes, well, if what you think is happening is what is happening, what are you going to do? And I'm like, well, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going to get a divorce, and I'm going to do what I need to do to protect my children. And I was like, if what I think is happening is what is happening, what are you going to do? And he said, I'm going to get divorced, and I'm going to make sure that you and your daughters are taking care of. Wow. And he was being so wishy-washy, not just telling me what he knew or what was happening.

He was really adamant that I needed to hear it from my husband. So I was like, okay, well, I'm not about. to go have this confrontation alone. Like, I don't know what's going to happen. So, like, I need support because I don't know what the result's going to be of this conversation. Would you come and just physically be there in case something happens? And he said, yes. I called my older sister and my younger sister to be like, hey, I'm about to go confront my husband again.

Can you guys be there? Because I, in case something happens. They both said yes. So me and my dad, my siblings, all meet at my house. My grandma's there. but my husband's not. And I said to my grandma, where'd he go? And she said that he went to the grocery store.

Wait, what? Because that's what you do, the day after you get caught. Steaking out with your mother-in-law, you go to the grocery store. Oh, boy. I think he was probably coming up with what a plan was going to be between him and him and my mom. Yeah, of course. Probably trying to figure out, like, what are we going to say? So he finally comes back, and the room is filled with my family.

And he's like, what's going on here? And I said, well, I don't trust you. No, sure don't. So I'm not going to be alone with you. Nope. And he's like, well, I'm not talking to you in front of all of them. I said, okay, well, I'm not talking to you without them. So if you'd like, we can go in a separate room, but they're going to be under this roof.

I'm not, they're not leaving. I don't blame you. And he did agree to that. Yeah, and he did agree to that. So everybody stayed downstairs, including my children. And he and I went upstairs to our bedroom. And thank God I pulled out my phone and hit record as I was walking up the stairs. So the following conversation I have on video.

Oh, my goodness. I'm like holding my breath. And he, dude, and he goes like, there's something I need to tell you and I think you deserve to know the truth. And he proceeds to tell me that he's been having an affair with my mother for months. And he goes on to tell me why I'm such a horrible wife and how I'm such a horrible mom. It's your fault. beg pardon sir and he tells me how much better of a woman my mother is how much better of a mother to our children that my mom is i'm sure i was i was you can fuck right off sir i would have ended the done oh and the only reason why i didn't is because

i want to get him to confess and admit to as much as he can so i have that for court is that so mackenzie is that allowed? Like you're allowed to record that? Every state's different. But in the state I live in, you are allowed to record a conversation between people as long as one person that's in the conversation knows about the recording.

Yes. And I was in that conversation. There are states with one party consent and then there's states like Florida is two party consent, which means both people have to consent to it. But it's not illegal to record. It just can't be used in court. And so if you have a recording, and you say, hey, I have proof that this person said this,

the judge can make a determination. And if the judge decides that this is not something that's going to make or break the case, I'll allow it, then that's up to the judge. And then it goes through appeals if they want to say, listen, that's unconstitutional, whatever. But yes, you absolutely record it. Because I'm just, I would be worried that I would, like, get in trouble for recording someone without their consent.

But you should always record it. It doesn't matter. Yep. Okay, good to know. And any state, any state you can record anything. You are allowed to, you just, it's not admissible. They're not going to use it. You can't use it.

You won't put a jail for reports if you just can't use it. Yes. You just can't use it or post it. I could because of my state. But if you're in a state where you can't, you couldn't post it online. You couldn't share it. Exactly. But that's not the state I live in.

So that's why I didn't just end it because I wanted him to admit to anything and everything. And so the whole time I didn't crack a tear. I was calm. I was collective because I just wanted him to talk. Good. Talk and talk and talk. And he did. And I said, one point, I wanted clarification because I really wanted him verbally and on the recording to say, why did you do this?

Yes. So I said, so what exactly was it? What was the thing that made me such a horrible wife and a horrible mom? And thank God I have this recording because if I didn't, people would think I was full of crap because it's unbelievable. He literally told me that he didn't. God, I hate him, that he didn't like how I loaded the dishwasher or how I folded laundry. Shut up. I don't even believe you.

I don't even believe you. It's unbelievable. Thank God. I am so glad you recorded that. That is absurd. Is he a professional dishwasher loader or like laundry folder? Dude, you know what's funny growing up my entire life? My mother did the dishes like once a week.

Do you do it exactly like her? it would be loaded up this much higher than the rim of the sink with mold. And he's like your mother's just a better, better way. But ever since she started being at my house, 24 freaking 7, she started to offer to help my poor daughter who just had twins and is recovering from having twins and all that stuff. She started helping with dishes and laundry. Wait, wait, I have a question. So you mean to tell me all that time that they were together to plot and figure out what are we going to say?

this is what he came up with. Let's just tell her she's bad at dishes and laundry. This is what you came up with. Genuinely, this is what you're kidding. Dude, for real, like, of all the things you could have said. Good job. Slow clap. Slow clap.

Wow. Wow. Dude, I, who. So what happened after that? So what happened? So eventually, so he also told me that their plan, because I was like, would you have ever told me if I didn't catch you? Like, what was your goal?

What was your plan? plan if you didn't get taught last night. Are you guys going to be together? Yeah. Their goal, thank God I have us on video. Their plan was for at some point him to ask me for a divorce, my mother to ask my father for a divorce. And my mother, this whole last few months, she's been at my house, never leaving. She has been writing this fake fucking journal documenting how often I was or was not seeding the babies, bathing the babies, holding them. No, shut up. Doing the dishes, doing laundry, cooking. She was documenting how much I wasn't taking care of my kids

and that she was doing all the work. No. No, it's not. But she had this whole journal written of how she was doing all the work. She was raising the babies, not me. I just slept all day. And their plan was to have him win full custody, have my mother adopt my children and they would raise them as their own.

Do they? That and what I beg your fucking pardon. That was the goal. After everything you have in this relationship with them, like why, how does someone just cut you out like that? And mind you, while these last like year has been happening, my husband and I were not the happiest. We were very stressed. And so I was going to my mom even to be like, man, like things are not okay right now. I was crying to my mom.

She was giving me advice all like now. I know in hindsight, as she's giving me advice about my marriage, she's fucking my husband. In my bed. In my bed. Ew. Mommy dearest. Ew. With my disabled daughter, she had a lot of health issues and I didn't produce enough breast milk to feed twins.

So I was driving around my county and other counties where I live buying breast milk from local moms because my daughter couldn't stomach formulas. We had trialed so many kinds. And she has gastrointestine. intestinal issues. And so I was driving sometimes an hour away to get milk for her. And my mother would say, hey, you don't need to bring twins with you driving that far. I'll stay with them so you can go get milk. And then she says you're gone. Yep. Oh my God. Yeah, my husband admitted to everything on the video. And then I had told him, I need you to not sleep here tonight. I need you to not sleep here tonight. Yes. And he goes,

I'm not leaving. This is my house. Is he? Like, how does he not have a brain? It's tiny. He's so entitled. It's tiny. And I just, again, calmly, I say, I really need you to not sleep here tonight. And we go back and forth for a few minutes.

And finally, he goes, this is my house. If you can't stand me that much, you can leave. And I wasn't going to keep arguing with a child because I don't argue with children. So I Negotiate with terrorists. Yeah. So I grabbed every suitcase that I own and filled it with the necessities

I needed to care for my children. And I'm thinking in my head, how do I get my daughters out of this house without him knowing and trying to intervene? So I text my family downstairs and I just say, I don't care where you go right now, but get my daughters and get out of this house.

Let me know where you. you go, get them out of this house now. And they did. And I'm packing my things. He's just staring at me while I pack, saying, I don't understand why you're not angry. Why aren't you yelling at me? I thought you'd be a lot more mean to me.

It's like they wanted that. Yeah. And I'm like, what is yelling at you going to do, make you unfuck my mom? Like, do you want me to yell at you? Like, if you want me to, I guess I can. But I don't need to yell at you. Done. Wow.

I'm done. He was disappointed in your reaction. I said, I'll yell and I'll fight if there's something to fight for. You're not worth fighting for. So I don't need to yell at you. So my dad did stay behind. Everybody else left with my daughters, but my dad did stay behind because, again, I don't trust this guy. And he helped me get my suitcases into the car.

And then he noticed, my ex noticed where are the girls? And I said, they're some more safe. I'll let you know. And my dad and I packed up the car. and we drove. I found out that everybody went to my grandma's house. So we met up there and I filled them in and we all just wept. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Oh, I can't even imagine your broken heart. Oh. Their relationship didn't last long. They broke up 12 days later. What? 12 days later. Oh, mind you, like two hours after I left with my, like I packed my stuff and I left, two hours later,

My mother moved into my house. What? I'm sorry. What? Moved in. She packed her stuff, moved into my house hours after I left. And he probably instantly was like, what have I done? Probably.

And so those 12 days that she lived in my house, moved all. She took everything. My dad and my sister who's lived at home said she took everything down to the damn toaster. She took everything. Why did they break up? Like, I mean, besides the obvious. Here's my guess.

Here's my guess. I'll never know for sure, but it's too coincidental. The day that they broke up in the morning, my husband got served divorce papers that not only does that I was filing for divorce, but I had filed, even though I knew I probably wouldn't get this, I just still wanted to let him know that I mean business. I filed saying that I was going to try for 100% custody.

And I believe that in his mind, he probably was like, oh, crap, there's probably not a judge that's going to look at me, shacking up with my kid's grandma and be in favor of me when it comes to custody. Probably not. You know, because, and I knew I wouldn't get 100%, but I was not going to just be fine with 50-50.

No. I mean, for me, the, did I think that they were in physical danger? I don't know. But the psychological damage that would occur in my children if they were raised believing that their grandma is their mom and their mom is their step-sister. Oh, my God. Like that, like, I was not going to.

Like, I couldn't put my kids through that. And so that was kind of like my case in trying to fight for more than just 50% custody. It's like, my kids can't grow up in that environment. That's not healthy. And so to me, I think that when he read that, he probably shit his pants. And because a few hours later, she packed her stuff, went back to my dad's front door. He welcomed her back in. Wait.

Like for, like, are they, are they together? Oh. No, they're still together? Oh, yeah, they can't see me. I'm nodding. They're still married. Eventually, when my little sister was supporting me, my father kicked her out of the house for supporting me. When your father turned on you?

Wait, wait. No, stop it right now. Yeah. Yeah. He kicked my little sister out of the house. She was over at my grandma's sex. That was where I was. And he called her and said, if you're going to support that evil, sinful sister of yours,

then you can come get your shit and get the F out of my house. I'm shocked. And he just dug into my little sister. My sister was sobbing. And she was like, I just don't understand. How are you choosing her? How are you choosing mom over me, over your children? Over your kids.

Like, how are you doing that? And he said to her, I made a vow to that woman the day I married her. I never wanted any of you kids. She did. And I don't owe you guys shit. What? That feels like it could hurt even more in some ways. Y'all, I've been clutching my pearls and I don't do that very much.

Lord Jesus. So where were you then? I was at my grandma's house. Yeah, but like, so this is a couple, like a couple, like a couple. weeks after everything's got down. Yeah, this is only weeks after. Weeks. I've been living with my grandma. How are you feeling?

Infant twins just trying to figure out what the hell do I do with my life now, going through a divorce and custody and figuring out what do I do? Like, I'm a stay-at-home mom. My daughter's disabled. I can't just, like, go get a full-time job. Like, I have to take care of my daughter.

Daycares in my area won't take her because of her disability because she's a liability. and so I'm limited on what I can do. I'm just trying to figure out how do I take care of my babies. It was rough and I thought I had my dad to support me and then I didn't anymore. My older sister at first was supportive, but then eventually a couple months after everything happened, I was on Facebook and saw that she was in Disneyland with my parents.

I was like, oh, okay, well, that sucks. You know that part of Pulp Fiction where he goes, this is fucked up or pug, Nesh. That's how I feel. Yes. Like what? Dude, I have this, it's been almost two years now. Like this, this February will be two years since I found out about the affair.

And there are still days where I wake up and I'm like, holy shit, there's no way this is my life. Like, there's no way. This is not stuff that happens in real life. This is stuff you see on TV. Do you think that she wanted him always when she was trying to like support you in your house? Or do you think that it happened gradually? Because she does seem to like. Do this.

My mother has always been very envious of my life. After everything happened, a lot of people came forward telling me stuff that they've known about my mom and things she said. And I had several different people that aren't even related to each other in any way. So that's how I know it's true because there'd be no reason for multiple people to say the same thing. But I had so many people tell me that, oh, yeah, your mom would say all the time that she was supposed to have twins, not you. that she was supposed to have the tall, fit husband, and she got stuck with the short, fat one, that she was supposed to have this.

She was not you, not you. So my mother was very envious of my life. It's hard. I'm thinking about how, like, there are cases where, like, a grandma might be like, oh, your cute boyfriend and, like, pinch his cheeks and, like, kind of flirt in a weird way. Yes, yes. Like, it does happen.

Yeah. And that's how it was. And so, like, my ex-husband is not innocent by any means. He made a decision. He didn't accidentally get naked and fall into my mom. Right, yeah, of course. At all. However, I can also look back at my whole life as a whole,

and I can recognize that my mother groomed my husband. Do you, like, was your, oh, I have so many questions. I have so many answers. Was your husband? Was he, was he, do you think he was so overwhelmed by the base? babies or like what what pushed him there the most you think like besides the fact that you're bad at dishes and laundry just just curious outside of the I mean our relationship was struggling the last couple of years of our marriage we had gone through so much a lot of stuff at such a young

age and so many things at once that we were not doing very well as a whole let alone individually like we were very sad we were very depressed and we were not taking care of ourselves and if we weren't taking care of ourselves we weren't very well taking care of each other And, you know, I had begged him so much to like, let's go to counseling together and separately. And he just didn't want to do it. I was frustrated and I was going through postpartum depression. Like, we were not getting along. We loved each other, but we weren't friends the last year of our marriage. That's so important. Yeah. And I think that there were things I was wanting from him that I wasn't getting. I think there were things that he was wanting from me that he wasn't getting. And my mother noticed that, took advantage of that and started to offer those things. And she'd always been in a position of offering him what he didn't have in a motherly way. Yep. She manipulated him and you. She manipulated everyone. A hundred percent. Everyone. A hundred percent. Wow. The real twist of this story is that the dogfish is the mother and not the man as much. I mean, they're both dogfish. Yeah. Yeah. Ever since everything happened, I have been no

contact with my parents. So I haven't spoken to them in almost two years. I did not get full custody, but I did get majority custody, but I didn't get 100%. So I still have to, to an extent, have a relationship with my ex-husband. I was going to ask you how that is. How do you do, how do you, because I know what that's like, is it hard. Yeah. It's so hard. But I know so many friends, so many people that are products of divorce.

And they take on guilt or blame because of their parents' relationships demise. And the parents let it, how do I word it? I don't want to be insensitive, but I feel like so many parents, I feel like they don't encourage their kids to like know that it wasn't their fault and make them have to pick aside and having to walk on eggshells or even like talking badly to their kid about their other parent. Like I've just seen it happen so many times where poor kids are just in the middle when they're innocent and they didn't do anything. And obviously their parents' divorce is going to affect them, but it shouldn't affect them more than it has to. And so I just, my kids are my top priority in my life. They are the only reason why I am alive right now. And they deserve to have the best life.

And I can't undo what their father did. Eventually they're going to know what happened. That's not a day that I look forward to. But when they know what happened, I want them to look back at how mama responded. And I want them to be proud of me and not ashamed of me. And so as hard as it is to hear my ex breathe, I cheat him. With dignity and with grace, I don't talk to him unless it has to do with our children. But I don't want my animosity toward him to rub off on my children because they don't deserve that.

You are amazing. Absolutely. Thanks. So it's hard. It's very, very hard because if I had the choice to be no contact with him, I would be. I just, I don't have that option. Has he ever apologized? Has he ever had a moment of coming around?

He has apologized. Is it genuine? I don't know. He hasn't proven to be an honest person. So I don't really know if it's real. It seems genuine. He cried like a baby. I'm sure he still to this day apologizes every so often.

Oh, he tried to get back with me. Of course he did. I'm sorry. What? No, sir. Fuck off. Unsuccessfully. Has he been single ever since you guys broke up?

To my knowledge, yes. And have you also been single ever since I broke up? I went on a few dates over the same. summer last year, which was a year, like basically a year after my divorce was legalized. I finally decided to download some dating apps. I don't know how the hell to date. I met my boyfriend when I was 15 and married him. Right. So I don't know how to date. I don't know how to do that stuff. I didn't go to college. I can meet boys in college. I don't go to bars. Like, I don't how to meet people. So I download dating apps and they suck. I went on a few dates last summer, but they didn't result in second

dates. You know, I'm not just dating to look for someone for me. I'm looking for a potential third co-parent. Yeah, it's a different ball game. You know, so it's like, it's a different ball game. And I, after going what I went through, I know what I want and I know what I do not want. You're not going to. That makes the pool a lot smaller. How are you feeling now about the whole situation? Like, are you over it?

Would you say you're still? I mean, obviously still really hurt because that's like your parents, that was your husband. But like, overall, are you positive or? It depends on the day. Yeah. I mean, I mean, right now, like telling the story, I'm not crying. I'm laughing. I cope with dark humor because if I.

don't laugh, I'll cry. No, same yeah. So, you know, I'm good at masking, but like, deep down, I'm not good. I'm, I'm not okay. It's not been very long at all. Yeah, I bet I have babies and they need me. So if I want to raise daughters that are going to be confident, strong, powerful women, then I have to lead by example, even if I'm faking it. Preach it, girl, yes. So I'm not okay. I don't think that I've had a lot of people ask have you moved on yet and I don't think that this is a situation you move on from I think it's something you move through

I love the way you put that thank you for saying this yeah it's just you know with any kind of traumatic situation it's something that is going to affect me in some way every day for the rest of my life I am a self-proclaimed orphan my children don't have grandparents

the only grandparent they have is my grandma and she's healthy but she's not going to be around forever and every day of my life there's something that reminds me of the situation it's not something that's like forgive and forget i have forgiven but you can't forget something like this and forgetting also means you can't learn from something if you forget about it so i'm you know taken life day by day sometimes minute by minute and i'm trying to be hopeful that life will get better because it has to It can't get worse than this, right?

Right. Yeah, you got your girls. I live for my kids. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, and I decided a couple months ago to finally share my story two years later on my TikTok. I was going to ask. Yeah, when I was going through it, when it was happening, I was lucky to have my grandma, my little sister, my best friends, to be so compassionate, so supportive and sympathetic.

But nobody could empathize. No one understood what I was. was going through because this doesn't happen. But logically, I knew, like, I can't be the only person who's gone through this. Like, there has to be other people out there. But I felt so alone. Even when being supported and surrounded by people who love me, I still felt alone. This is a tough story to bring to girls night. Yeah. Like, everyone's like, oh, he didn't text me back. And you're like, oh, he fucked my mom. Like, there's not, and so many of my friends, when they have something going on in their lives, they feel bad for venting about it to me. They're like, oh, I probably

shouldn't talk about it. It's not as bad as what you've been through. And it's like, no, like, it's it's not that I have it worse or that somebody else has it worse it's different our stories are different and you're allowed to hurt and I'm allowed to hurt and we're going to be there for each other but you know it makes people feel bad coming to me to talk to me because they think that what I've gone through is so much worse and I just I finally decided to share my story because I had recently found out through the grapevine that this girl I went to high school with she got pregnant in high school had twins and she's still with that man I don't know if they're married or not or if they're just dating, but she was still with the father of her babies. And recently, I think like a year ago,

but I just found out like a few months ago, but I guess a year ago, she found out that her baby daddy and her mom had been having an affair for years. Her twins are like five now. What is going on in your high school? Yes. And so I was like, what? Somebody else went through that, not just me and someone close, like local. Someone local. Something in the water. I knew of her, but I didn't know her personally. So I didn't feel like it would have been appropriate for me to reach out to her, especially since I just heard about it through word of mouth. And I just am like, man, I'm not the only person that has gone through this. And I wish I could have had somebody to talk to that could relate to me when I was going

through it. So I finally decided to share my story on TikTok so that if there's anybody else out there who can relate to my story who's felt alone, they can have an outlet of someone to talk to. And sure enough, since I posted my videos a few months ago, I've probably had not including people in my comments, but just in like my DMs, I've probably had give or take a hundred women say the same thing happened to me. Get out of here a hundred? Like so many. Like give or take a hundred women. That is. And they've shared their, and some of them are like, like this one lady,

she reached out to me and she said, the same thing happened to me 14 years ago. And I have never told anyone my story. And when it happened to her, she told her family, but they didn't believe her. No, are you, oh, how awful. That's what I would expect what happened. If you don't get the proof like you said, you knew. You were like, no one is. Because it's unbelievable. Because it's unbelievable. Especially when that person is so charismatic and charming and everyone loves them. And so she never told anybody after that because she felt ashamed and embarrassed.

And she had told me she was like, I'm so thankful to you for sharing your story because you've shown me that I don't, I shouldn't be ashamed of this. I shouldn't be embarrassed. They should be ashamed. Yes. I didn't do anything wrong. And so she decided to share her story on TikTok. Hers went really viral too. And so she's been able to find a lot of healing from being able to share her story for the first time in 14 years.

And again, being able to talk to other people who have gone through it. So sharing my story on TikTok has kind of in a sense been really healing, has been kind of healing for me too. Because being able to talk to somebody who's gone through it and just encourage each other has. It's therapeutic, right? It is, it is. And you need that. You deserve that. You also deserve to even just like, yeah, like having a voice.

Yeah, and even people who haven't gone through the same thing, but like, I've had people be like, that happened to me, but it was my sister or it was my, my dad was with my boyfriend or, you know, all kinds of like different different things. I'm so proud of you for being brave enough to share that because it's kind of embarrassing too, right? Like, it's kind of like, oh, like that's what, but to share it. Fair is hard to share in general. My husband and I, we didn't wait for marriage to be intimate. However, we did lose our virginity to each other. And so now the only person my husband's been with is me and my mom. And I was in her hoo-ha before him.

I told you, if I don't laugh, I'll cry. She's got jokes. Oh, my God. You take this on the road and people will flock. Wow. I am, yeah, I'm glad that sharing your story has brought you so much comfort. You're also an incredible storyteller and great person. I mean, like, truly keep sharing because you are always.

obviously being a voice for someone. And that's, I'm so, so grateful that you came on our podcast to tell this story because there are a lot of people that I think will hear your story. And even more, like, I want more people to hear this. And I want to hear from, like, more people who are experiencing this or have experiences that have not had a voice. And you could be the voice for that person. I felt so alone when I was going through it.

And if I can help one person not feel that way, then I win. What did we tell you guys? What the crap did we tell you? Told you. Told you. So this is the, like, all of the episodes blow my mind, but after we recorded this story, I had to like call my friends and be like, guys. Oh, my Lord. Like it was, I was not, oh, I was dying the whole time. I can't believe it. I'm, I'm still, I'm a little, I'm a little shook. Like, hashtag dogfish mom, right? Hashtar dogfish mom. This was, I was like, oh, we've had dogfish mom. We had that mom that helped that girl, like, have a secret wedding. And then, You were like, no, this is next level. This is another level of dogfish mom. Like this is like, I was thinking about this. When I was younger, I had some boyfriends that my mother did not approve of.

And that always bothered me. I was always like, come on, mom. Like, why don't you like the guys I'm dating? And now I'm like, you know, maybe that's okay. Maybe that's okay. It's like, maybe this is an okay problem to have. Yeah, it's, I can't. I can't even form freaking words.

now. It's beyond. I can't. Has anyone else experienced something like this? Let us know. What's interesting is that because this was shared on TikTok, Amber told us that there were so many people that reached out to her and said, oh, this happened to me too. And she's like, I'm sorry. What? It's a whole corner of the internet of people dealing with this. And it's, I mean, it's easy to be like, this is like a soap opera. This is crazy. But the reality is that it is such a unique, difficult situation to be in that has shame, has pain. I feel for her and everyone who's gone through something like anything dogfish related, but especially when family is tied into it like this, that's such a betrayal.

And they're not alone though. Unfortunately, there are people dealing with this too. I need to, I can't wait. Like, I am, I have my running shoes on. I am running to the comments after this. I want to know what you guys are saying. I have to know that you guys are dying. Like, I am just, I'm dying to know.

I need to know what you guys are thinking. Like, I just have to tell us on the socials. We're dating detectives podcast, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook. Email us, even if you just want to tell us your thoughts and you need a full paragraph, like a couple paragraphs to do so, or send us a story that we can share. Investigate at the datingdetectivespodcast.com. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Y'all, because she knows the email. I really don't know it.

Yeah, what Hannah said. Email it in, but like, I'm so curious if anybody's going to reach out and be like, oh my gosh, me too. Like, I'm so, I'm dying to know. Oh, boy. Well, we would just want to talk to you guys always. So also Patreon, you know the drill at this point.

However, you want to connect to us, let us know your thoughts. And also send some love to Ember because what a badass. Ember was hilarious, incredible storyteller. I love her. Love her. I want to be friends with her for realties. Amber, we love you. And you did not deserve this, but you've come out stronger.

Anyways, let us know what you think of this episode and share it with a friend. And if you get a chance to go on and listen to our podcast, wherever you get your podcast, please leave us a five-star review. I love you. We love you guys. And as always, trust your mom tuition. I mean, your femme tuition. Oh, man, I don't even want to say anything.

It's so gross. I'm just disgusted.