The Dating Detectives - The Engagement That Ended in Handcuffs

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

On this week’s episode of the podcast, our guest Erica shares the shocking unraveling of a five-year relationship that seemed picture-perfect from the outside. What began as a Tinder romance filled with business success, engagement plans, and dreams of a future together slowly spiraled into jealousy, manipulation, and mounting red flags she tried desperately to explain away. But when an unexpected knock at the door exposes a devastating secret, she’s forced to confront the reality of the man she thought she knew.You can follow Erica and get rat man merch at @__ericamericaAre you in the Chicago, Tampa, or Orlando area and want to come see us live?! Get your tickets at the links below:7/16 in Chicago: https://tickets.thedentheatre.com/event/dating-detectives-llpj8q?utm_source=performer&utm_medium=performerlink&utm_campaign=datingdetectives8/5 in Orlando: https://www.etix.com/ticket/p/48863575/the-dating-detectives-live-orlando-funny-bone-comedy-club-orlando8/6 in Tampa: https://www.etix.com/ticket/p/35010834/the-dating-detectives-live-tampa-funny-bone-comedy-club-tampaClick here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email [e-mail] or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by TheRealReal.  Get $25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com/datingdetectives. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by OSEA. Get 10% off your first order site-wide with code DATINGDETECTIVES at oseamalibu.com.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/TDD.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Green Chef. Get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months at greenchef.com/50datingdetectives with code 50datingdetectives.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by DeleteMe. Get 20% off your plan at joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives with code TDD.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-723 for support. Happy dating detectives Monday. Hello everybody. I'm so excited because we announced tour dates last week and people are already buying tickets. Can we just start this Monday with, we have live shows scheduled and I know you guys have been asking for that. So we're so excited.

It's a mini tour. We're going to Chicago, Tampa, and Orlando. You guys, did you hear that? Tampa. Tampa. So we have a big listenership situation in Chicago. but come to Tampa too. Let's go to Tampa.

We're going to hang out with McKenzie. So check it out into show notes. But anyways, always thank you so much for being here. We have so much gratitude for you as our listener. And whether you've been here since the beginning or have just celebrated your three years with us as well, we just celebrated a three-year dating detective bursary. Thank you for being here.

Thank you for listening. Thank you to our Patreoners who pay money like actual the $5 tier or the $9 tier. $9, no ads. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. We are so grateful for you. Especially because you are the people who brought us our guest today.

Our guest today is Erica. And you tagged us in so many comments about her story. She was posting on TikTok her story. Her real name is Erica. So she's going to be able to tell us her real story, a real name. And that's how we found her. And then she was like, wait, I have to get this out to more people. And we were like, guess what?

That's our whole thing. Yeah. And so the thing is a little bit. of a trigger warning with this one because it has to do a little bit with, it doesn't go into great detail about it, but there is a minor situation involved. Yeah, definitely some soliciting of a minor and some addiction stuff comes up. But it's definitely, I mean, she's a baddie and her story's ongoing. So she'll hopefully be able to keep us in the loop. But she's awesome. I love her. And just another great example of how when you share your story, someone else sees it and they say,

oh my gosh, me too. It's those me too moments that bring us together as a community and help us support one another. So keep sharing your story. Email us, investigate at the datingdetectivespodcast.com or just keep tagging us. Yeah, keep tagging us in these stories. They're incredible. So thank you guys so much. We really appreciate you. Send us the tea. Also, one of you just sent me a playlist that was just called Trust Your Femtuition. And you were like, music gets me through and I made this playlist. And I was like, oh my God, me too. That's so sweet. Like you guys are the best. Share it with me. Did I? I'm going to. I literally just saw it this morning.

I got you. Yeah, send it to me. I wanted. I want it. All right. Should we hand it over to Erica? Yeah, let's get into it. Erica, we're so glad you're here and we want to give you the floor.

Will you please take us on your journey? Oh my gosh, yeah. I'm very excited to be here. So thank you for having me. This is so exciting. I've never done anything like this before. We haven't either. We don't know what's going on.

You're like we're brand new at this, actually. It's true. And honestly, our audience is part of the producing team because they're the ones that were like, wait, we saw the story. You guys need to have her on. Yep. So many of my followers had tagged you guys in the comments. I was like, okay, I have to reach out to them. Like, it's meant to be. Yay. Well, we're glad you're here. Also, not glad you're here, but also glad you're here. So thank you. Right. Right. Right. Take us away, girlfriend. Let us go on this journey with you. Okay, so essentially we're going to refer to him as Rattie. I matched with Rattie back in 2020 on Tinder. We're obsessed with this, by the way.

Rattie, Dirty Little Ratman. Yeah. Yes. I was fresh out of college, so I was 22. I had moved in with my long-distance college boyfriend, and unfortunately, I kind of realized it wasn't going to work, so you know when you are already mentally exiting the relationship before it's ended. Yes.

So by the time it ended, I was like totally fine, which kind of sounds really bad, but I wasn't grieving or anything. I had just moved to a new city, so I didn't know a ton of people. My roommate at the time was like, get on Tinder, see what's out there. I'm like, I don't know. Okay, sure. So Raddy was actually my third match. As soon as I met him, I was like, oh, okay, period. Like, game over, delete the app.

She's like, wait, no, that's not how it works. I was like, well, that's how it works for me. I don't want to be here. I know. I was like, I don't want to be on this app. So we matched on Tinder, got along great. I was 22, so he was 26. His Tinder profile said 24, though, which is kind of funny.

Interesting. Did he address it or you found that out later? Yeah. No, he did address it. He was like, by the way, like, I have to tell you something. I was like, oh, no, I wonder if this guy like has kids or something or like a secret life. And he was just like, I'm 26, by the way. And I was like, oh, okay, that's nothing like, whatever.

That's fine, I guess. So the first day, we had a place. planned out. But then keep in mind, I was very young at the time and my generation doesn't really talk on the phone because there's a four-year age gap. He was like, oh, can I call you? And it was the night before of our date. I was like, half a bottle of wine in. I ran into my roommate's room and I was like, he wants to call me on the phone. Isn't that weird? And she's like, well, I guess just do it because they'll find out if he's a weirdo or not. Yeah. We were on the phone for almost two hours. I'd finish off my bottle of wine. So it's like, wait, we're vibing. Just come over tonight.

And so he did. And that was our first quote unquote date. Okay, fun. So were you like, I'm not necessarily like married this guy. I'm just having a good time. It's Tinder. Yeah, definitely. But I definitely, unfortunately, for me, deep down, I am a lover girl. So when I get a crush on somebody, I'm like, you're going to love me. Yes. Thanks. So then I was like, wait, I do really like him. But I was kind of seen a couple of other people. He was seeing some other people. And we made that aware to each other. So a couple months in, I would say probably around October, it was Halloween. We got a big group together

went out. And that's when I realized. I was like, oh, I really like him. Like, this is going to be a problem for me. So we had a long talk and we decided over the next months to go exclusive more or less and just see where it takes us. Yeah. And what was he like? Like, what did you like about him? He was very much everything I thought I was looking for. He had his own apartment. He was well established financially, had a good job, had a good friend group. Basically, he checked all of the boxes at first. He was very nice to me.

Everybody seemed to really like him. He planned the dates, took me on trips. So we matched on Tinder September of 2020. My birthday was at January. He took me to the beach for a whole week. And then all of my friends came into town that weekend. So that's when they all met him. they all really liked him. Like, it was set up perfectly. Like, things were great. I was like,

this is the man for me. He's perfect. So then, fast forward, bought my house in June of 2021. We immediately start renovating. Things are great. He is working his job. I'm working my job. And then he decides that he wants to start his own business. So he was unhappy at his job. So he was like, what if I do this full time? And I was like, that's kind of scary. I just bought a house, but, you know, why don't you do it now while you still have your full-time job, see how you do? He was doing very well. He was making a ton of money. So I was like, you're so unhappy at your corporate job, quit, do that full-time. And that's exactly what he did. And he was so successful, he started hiring employees. So I ended up quitting my job at the beginning

of 2022 to do that full-time with him. And it was the most money that we had ever seen in our lives. And because I was young, he was not as young as me, but I was young. I was like, let's go on vacation. Let's do this. Let's do that. Hell yeah. So we were literally living our lives. We went to L.A. for a week.

We were going to the beach. We were going here and there. It was so cool to say like, oh, we bought a house. Now we're running their own business. Very much egos were high. But in the beginning of 2023, things started to decline. And then the economy wasn't doing that well. and we went from 14 clients to two in the span of two weeks.

We were like, oh, God, okay, we're going to have to pivot. So we had to pivot very fast. And I think that was the start of the downward spiral of our relationship, because it just, it was a huge hit to his ego that he never really recovered from. And I was like, we got to spend this in a positive way. Like, we're going to figure it out. You have all this experience in a different feel now. You've ran your business.

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first month, then 20% off for two months. That's code 50 dating detectives at greenchef.com slash 50 dating detectives. So that's when I started pivoting more to social media because I'd started posting about that and that started gaining traction. He ended up getting a really good job in cybersecurity. And I told him, I was like it was from your experience running your own company. Like picture it that way. Like you don't have a college degree.

They took your experience from running your own company, implemented it into that. I feel like that's a great way to view this. Like it wasn't a failure. It was a stepping stone to get you here. But even with that mentality, it was just like he couldn't see the business other than a failure. I knew going into this relationship, he had addiction issues. We struggled with that throughout the relationship. But once the business failed, it was just really just like no coming back from that.

And I wish looking back, I would have been like, okay, this isn't going to work for me. in my mind it was like I can't leave somebody when they're at the lowest point in their lives and struggling with addiction like he needs me how could I leave somebody in this state you know what I mean yeah your empathy really came through and you love them and you're human but at the end of the day especially looking back at that time period it's like it's really hard to help somebody that doesn't want to help themselves so you kind of have to figure out what you're doing but at that point I was so young I had no experience in this and I was like I'm in love with them we're going to get through this together. I would say the major turning point would be August of 2024. That's when things started

to get. I would like to use the word bad, but it was the fights and the incidents were so scattered. It was just like always having a bad day, always having a bad week. Like the relationship is fine. It's just like he's stressed out. But I was getting ready to go on a bachelor trip with one of my best friends. I was from maid of honor. I drove everybody down to where we were going. And we had me and Rattie had lots of conversations before this. I was like, I'll keep you updated, you on my location, texting you, sending you photos. I have never done anything to betray your trust.

I'm going to be in constant communication with you. We're going to be great. So it's the first night. Me and the girls are going out. We end up going to the bar that has this upstairs where the DJ is and it's just the DJ, not thinking anything of it. I'd posted a couple photos on my Instagram story,

sent him a couple videos, but I didn't send him anything with the DJ, I was like, I don't want to trigger him. Yeah. That should have triggered him. Is that something that had happened in the past? Like, had he gotten jealous in the past? Oh, yes.

He was very jealous. Very much like projecting big issues. Anytime I went on a work trip, it was constant screaming and yelling over the phone that I was going to cheat on him. Oh, no. Oh, no. And had that been there the whole time

or was it more this period? It was definitely more this period. But I also had him been going on work. trips previously. It started like in 2024 when I had started my part-time job. And it was only twice a year and it would be like four days. So it wasn't a super long trip. But I was just like, I don't understand why he's acting this way. I've never done anything to make him think I would cheat on him. I thought we had a great relationship. Like it just didn't make sense to me. So when I went on this bachelorette trip, I was being very strategic. I was like, well, I don't know

if being up near the DJ is going to trigger him, even though not doing anything wrong. But one of my girlfriends had posted a video and it had just caught the DJ and I just happened to be standing near the DJ and that was a huge blowout fight that night. Oh God, here we go. That's really, you end up just like moving through the world on eggshells constantly. Yeah. Like if I brush shoulders with a guy. Yep. Oh, yeah. It was like if a guy looked at me, I was like, or if I was talking to one of my friends, boyfriend's too long. He would pull me aside and be like, you need to stop looking at him like that. Oh my God. Oh, okay. I don't even know how like I'm looking at him. I'm just looking at him. He goes, you know, like, what you're doing. Like, you have those eyes. And I was like, should I talk to.

They're just my eyes. Should I close my eyes to have a conversation? Like, I don't understand. Honestly. Oh, honey. Okay. Did you tell your friends at all about this? So it was the first night of the bachelor trip. I had stepped outside. Everybody was sleeping and I didn't want this to be a thing. It's embarrassing. I didn't want to ruin anything. I don't want to be painted as the girl that's always fighting with her boyfriend when they're not together. So that Friday night was fine. Then Saturday night, I can't even, oh, it was, I had borrowed one of my friends' dresses. It was a maxi dress. It wasn't super revealing. It was tight. But I was sending him photos to make him feel more comfortable. And he just hated that dress. The bar I was at didn't have a good

cell signal, so I couldn't respond to every text. He was. sending and I got so stressed out so I started texting his cousin. I was like, can you please tell him? I don't have good signal, but like I'm not ignoring him. Like, you know, whatever. The night goes on. We get back to the Airbnb and it's just like a throwdown screaming match and I couldn't hide it from the girls this time because everybody was still wide awake. So I was just doing this in the Airbnb and I was like, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do. Obviously they were great. They were like, it's fine. And I eventually... Like, what was he saying to you on the phone?

Honestly, I think he was just saying that I was dressing like a slut and I wanted attention. And of course, I'm doing this when he's not there on this bachelorette trip and accusing me of things. Oh, my God. I'm sorry that happened. Yeah. I mean, at the time, I guess I just didn't think it was that bad.

But looking back, I'm like, wow, that's really bad. Like, I wouldn't even look at other men out in public. If I caught a guy looking at me, I would immediately look away. my adrenaline would start going because I'm like, oh my God, like, is he going to get mad at me? So after that, that was like a big turning point in our relationship because I was like, I don't know if this is going to work. So I got home the next day. We ended up going out to dinner, which was kind of an odd move.

I don't know why we just didn't stay home and talk. But we went out and we had like a long conversation and he didn't really take accountability for anything. He was still putting it all on me, saying like I needed to apply. apologize that, you know, I wasn't respecting him. Ew. Yeah. So that was September-ish of 2024.

We actually got engaged that December. Oh. Yeah. Things seem to be better. I was like, I'll, you know, work on what you say I need to work on. You need to work on these things. And we were in a pretty good place. But I remember even when we were heavily talking about getting engaged, I'm like, are we

even in a place for that? But if he's talking about it, you know, maybe he's past whatever issues he had before. Did you feel excited or were you anxious? I was excited because I wanted to marry him and we were in a better place than we were. But I think deep down I was anxious. But overall, I was very excited. I was really clinging on to the first two years of like how good those were. And I was like, we can get back to that. We just need to get through this rough patch. That's so common. Yeah. Because you're waiting to go back to where it was like good. And you're like, okay, And subconsciously, I'm not saying you were like, if I get engaged, it's going to fix everything.

But I do think subconsciously some kind of commitment like that makes you feel secure. Because I'm like, once the rings on my finger, he's nothing to worry about. There should be like no doubt in his mind. Like this is what I want. Like, you know, whatever. So we get engaged in December and everything's pretty good more or less. But what's funny is that following April, I go on a work trip. And this is the first work trip since we've been engaged.

and have had long conversations. And it was pretty good. Like he was level-headed, more or less. I had to stay on the phone with him when I was sleeping, though, which was, like, very annoying. I'm sorry. Wait, hold on. He, like, was on speakerphone while you went to bed?

Or FaceTime. All night. Okay, and it wasn't, like, a cutesy. Like, I want to fall asleep with you. It was like, I want to make sure you don't leave the hotel room. Yeah, so I was in a big Airbnb with my co-workers. So that's what made him uncomfortable. And I tried to do.

think about it from my perspective. And I was like, I don't think I'd be that uncomfortable, but I guess I could see why because it's men and women. I'm like, everybody here is married. And I'm engaged now. It really made no sense to me, but. That possessiveness. Yeah. Like, I'll just stay on FaceTime with you, whatever, not a big deal. How did it feel that he, like, didn't trust you? At the time, it didn't feel like he didn't trust me. It was just more of like he needed that extra security because he loved me so much, which sounds so stupid now. No, but that's real. Yeah. And he had come from a relationship prior to ours that was really toxic. So I was like, oh, like, he just needs the extra reassurance. But I also had that other voice in my head that's

like, we've been together so long and we're engaged. Why is this still going on? Yes. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. So May is mental health awareness. month. A reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. I personally love BetterHelp and here's why. So life is a journey. Some days feel good. Other days feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night. It's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is no one has all the answers. You shouldn't go through it alone and better help gives you someone to listen, understand, support you and give you tools and resources to help work through those things. For me personally, my son just turned 12, he's a

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So it was the last night of the trip. Me and my coworkers were going out to get dinner and then we had gone to the bar or two. And so immediately that sent him over the edge. And that was a Friday. I was flying back at Saturday. We were having all of our friends come into town to do the bridesmaids and the grubesmen's proposals. So I had prepped everything the week before. I'd been talking about it all week.

And that night, we got into a huge fight. And he had texted me, maybe we should just cancel this weekend and really figure out what we're going to do. So he wanted to cancel the bridesmaids and the groomsmen's proposals for the wedding. And I was like, and then where does that leave us? Yeah. Are we canceling everything? Yeah.

But before I could respond to it, he edited the message to something totally different. But I had seen it before. And I put my phone down because I was like, I don't want to say anything out of anger. Let me just take a minute. When I picked it back up, it was a totally different message. So it was like, it's funny that you edited. that thinking I didn't see it. Also, can't you see when someone edit something?

Like, you can go back and see the original message. Can't you? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't say, like, the person had edited the message, but I don't know if you could see the previous one. So you knew that he had said that. Did you confront him or move on?

Yeah. I was like, I can't believe you just said that to me. Like, just a big fight. We ended up going through with the proposals, obviously, because I was like, I can't cancel at this point. People are literally coming tomorrow. I have a friend flying in from tech. So again, I was just like he's having a bad night, whatever.

So we go through with the proposals and then all the wedding planning, all of that. So that takes us to the big incident in December. The big incident. Yes. So on December 11th of 2025, I was working on my laptop. I sit in front of a window. And I see two unmarked police officers pull into the cul-de-stack. And we've had some incidents with neighbors that have had to call.

call the cops. So, like, I didn't really think anything of it. But they get out of their car and they are looking at my house and taking pictures of my house. And I was like, okay, that's really weird. Yeah. Yeah. And they start walking very fast to the front door. And I was in the middle of a Zoom call. So I immediately go off camera, go on mute and yell up to him, hey, there's cops be lining for our door. And before he could get down the stairs, because he had worked upstairs, he was in a call. They're banging on the front door. And I was like, normally, if they're here to ask us just like a normal question, it's a normal knock. Yeah. Like they're like banging. Like something's in emergency. If they're begging, someone's going to jail or someone died. Yes. Exactly. So we're standing in the kitchen

and I was like, we should probably answer the door. And he was very clearly nervous. And I was like, I know you struggle with drug use, but you don't sell drugs. So realistically, there's no reason that they would be here to arrest you for that. Maybe your name got thrown into something. It didn't belong in, you know, I don't know. And at this point, they were banging on the window that I was sitting at. They had seen me. So they were banging on the window and the front door. And I was like, we need to answer the door. And he's like, they'll go away. They'll go away. Like, don't answer it. The hell? Yeah. So I was like, okay. So I immediately, like, I am sweating. My adrenaline's going. I was like, well, I need to go back to work and you need to go back to work. So I go into the room that I

work in, I kid you not, and I wish I'd taken a photo. It went from two police cars to 8 to 10. What? In that time? Who did a murder? Yeah. Parked horizontally in the road. So nobody could go in or out of our road.

Like a crime scene. And they were probably close to like two dozen cops, just like wandering, looking around. And immediately in my gut, I was like, something is very, very wrong. Yeah. And I had my dogs outside in the backyard. there was a cop kind of casing the fence line going to the neighbors behind me knocking on their door asking them questions i've never spoken to those neighbors before so i was like oh my god what did he do because i haven't done anything and then i started thinking i was like well there's like

there's two tolls i haven't paid but i don't know why they'd be here and i'm so sorry so he comes downstairs and he's like basically if they're here to arrest me i might as well just go outside so Like, yeah, I think you should go outside. Also, what did you do? Yeah, like, what is, how is he so calm? I don't know. So he goes outside. So they say, are you?

And call him by his last name, which I thought was kind of odd. He was like, yes, immediately come over and arrest him. But they weren't aggressive. It's not like they threw him on the ground. They just kind of handcuffed him, talked to him, and they were starting to walk him into the cul-de-sac. So I fling the front door open. And everybody's like a deer in headlights.

They're like, is anybody else in the house? Is it just you? And because I'm in a state of panic, I'm like, oh, maybe they think we're like harboring a fugitive. Because like, what else would it be? Yeah, like, what did this guy do? What's going on? Yeah, like, why are they asking me if anybody else is in the house? And I'm like, no, it's just me.

So the two cops were like, can we come in? And I was like, do you have searched warrant? Like, no. Good for you. Good for you. No, you cannot come in. Yeah. You have a warrant.

I was like, I've seen the movies. You're not going to ransack my house. I just had my cleaners here. Absolutely not. They were like, no, like, they were like, we just want to talk to you. It's cold. You can either come outside or we can come inside.

I was like, well, no, I let them come in. Because I was like, well, it is cold. Like, I'm not going to stay out there. You're right. You're right. You're right. All right. Come in.

And were they like taking, you know, how people are like, ma'am, we need to talk to you. Are they being very serious? Are they being extreme? Like, what's the vibe? They were very calm. And I don't think they knew I exist. So I think they were kind of shocked because of the charges.

Because the two cops came in, they were kind of giving me a good cop, bad cop vibe. But also they lost the color in their face because I was like, what is going on? Something is not right. Like this has to be a misunderstanding. And the one cop looked at me and said, is blank, blank, your fiance? And I was like, yes, we've been engaged for a year. We're getting married in four months. And he looks to me dead in the eyes and goes, he's been soliciting a minor online.

And we have been building this case since early October. My stomach just fell into my butt. Shut up. Oh, no. Yes. What did you think in that moment? It was literally one of those movie scenes. Like my ears started to ring.

I started getting tunnel vision. And all I could formulate was no. I was like, no, no, no, no. Like, no, that's not right. And so the other cop reached out and grabbed me because I think I started to pass out. like I caught myself and I was like, and they're asking me questions. I was like, I need a minute. Like, you just blew up my whole life of this isn't happening.

So they pull up this video and it is a video. It would be like if somebody Snapchated me and then somebody recorded that Snapchat, that's a video they had. It was a video of him, not nothing bad at all. Like it was a Snapchat he could have sent to his mother. So I was like, I don't understand. Like, that's not bad. He could send that to anybody.

They said they couldn't give me details. You know, they had just gotten enough evidence to arrest him today. He had an arrest warrant out in one city, which was a felony. And then he had another arrest warrant out in the county that we lived in with four misdemeanors. And that's all they could tell you? Yeah, and then they told me it was soliciting a minor online. They wouldn't tell me any other details. Mind you, our engagement party was in 48 hours.

So he got arrested on a Thursday. and we had people driving and flying in that Saturday. So they're telling me all this. They're like, who do you want to call? Like, what do you want to do? And I'm like, this is Pandora's box. If this is a misunderstanding and I tell somebody this, he doesn't go back inside. So I was like, I don't want to tell anybody.

But then I was like, let me call his mom. So that's what I did, obviously. We're on the phone both freaking out. Did she know so she knew? Oh, well, no, I mean, not previously, but like I told her what was going on. The news to the mom? Yes, I had to break the news to her. Had you been close with the mom before?

Like, did you guys have a pretty good relationship? Yeah, we had a decent relationship. We weren't like overly close over the previous like four months. We had gotten a lot closer. You were someone she could trust to understand. Okay. Yeah, definitely. Delete me makes it easy, quick and safe to remove your personal data online at a time

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Code TDD. So about an hour had passed, and they were like, you can go out and talk to him and figure out what's going on. And the one cop that was escorting me outside, basically, was like, we just ask that you don't put your hands on him and that you don't ask any questions about the case. And I was like, and what happens if I do put my hands on him? And what would happen to me? He goes, well, you know, that is domestic violence.

He starts laughing. I was like, okay, well, figure out of that. Also, you can't ask any questions about the case. Like, I get it, but that's all I'd want to ask about. Yeah, like, what am I supposed to ask him then? So we're standing on the porch, and one of the other police officers and they'll call to Sack yell over, hey, he's asking for his cigarettes. Can she bring them over?

No. So the three calls standing there, look at me, and I start yelling, he's not going to get his damn cigarettes? Like, are you kidding? Yeah. No, I'm not, no. Yeah, so they were like, okay, message you're safe. It's like, no, he's getting absolutely nothing from me.

So we go into the cul-de-sac. I'm just devastated. I'm like, what is happening? Like, what did you do? And the cops, like, he's asked for a lawyer. And he was just like, I can't say anything. And immediately I was like, he's done something really, really bad. I was going to ask you, were you, like, in your mind?

Like, no, I'm going to stand by this guy. He didn't do it. At this point, I was like, going to stand by him. There's no way he's done this. It just doesn't make any sense. So he gets taken away. I was still on the phone with his mom, trying to figure out what to do.

I end up calling one of my best friends. And she basically was like, hey, they don't just come and arrest somebody with these types of charges with no evidence. So even if it's maybe not as bad as we're thinking, it's still really bad. Yeah. At that point, I was like, okay, the engagement party needs to be canceled because he's not

going to be getting out of jail within the next 48 hours. I end up calling my mom who calls my dad. He comes over. I'm going back and forth with my parents, his mom, my best friend. Where are you in that moment, like going through all this and kind of sharing with your close people? Like, how are you feeling mentally? Yeah.

How does it feel to tell your parents? Oh, yeah. It was like shock and pure betrayal and sobbing like. I was, yeah, it was absolutely heartbroken. It was really, really bad. The heartbreak. That's what I was going to say, the heartbreak. Yeah.

And of course, both of my parents and my best friend were like, you can't stay with him. Even if this isn't true, we don't know if he's going to have to register as a sex offender. We don't know like how bad this is, even if it's a miscommunication or if something got misconstrued. He's still done something. You can't be tied to that. Yes, there's something. There is something there. Yeah.

You might not remember because I imagine you were like blacking out. Do you feel like people were surprised or was anybody kind of like... Yeah, that's a good question. Yeah, everybody was shocked. And a lot of people, when we both went completely radio silent for like a week, a lot of people thought it was drug related or maybe like a DUI. Nobody suspected. It's listening to mine or online.

So the day passes he finally is able to call me that night. But of course, he's on a recorded line so he can't say anything. So I'm screaming yelling, you know, all of the emotions. They have his arraignment the next morning. Was he, real quick, was he saying like, no, I didn't do this? Like, was he saying, no, this didn't happen? He was just saying it's not what it seems. Like, this is like, like, I had no idea.

Like, it's not what it seems. I promised you, like, I would have never done anything like this. But I'm like, either way you cheated on me. I don't know to what extent, but, like, you cheated on me, which has been overshadowed by all this. other bullshit going on. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

So his arraignment's next morning. He is allowed, it's called he can be let out on recognizance. So he could be let out for that specific county. But because he had an active warrant in the other county and that arraignment was until Tuesday, he'd stay in jail for five days. So for five days, I literally had basically no idea what the truth was. Oh, man. going on. So I think in retrospect, I'm glad he stayed in jail because it let me really figure out

and go through my own emotions without him right beside me saying, like, I love you. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. You know, whatever bullshit narcissist things, he would feed me. But at the time, it was horrible because I was like, I don't know what's happening. Like, the man I love is in jail and I don't know why. So did you own your house together or was it still just your house? It's just my house. Okay. Yeah, that's good. Good. Thank God. Thank God. So the December 16th day, that's the day he gets out of jail.

So we were engaged December 16th of 2024. He's getting out of jail December 16th of 2025. You can't write this. He was like, oh, good. So I pick him up from jail. He tells me he went on a sugar baby website. What? Wait, wait, wait.

So you're picking him up by yourself. And then he gets in your car and like, like, I want to hear this whole scene. I mean, this is crazy. Oh, I'm, I have never screamed so loud. I think the veins in my forehead were busting through my Botox. Like, I was screaming and yelling and shaking his arm. I was like, like, what that fuck did you do? I can't believe you've done this to us.

And he was like, I wasn't expecting to get out and you act like this. Like, I thought you would be like missing. me. I was like, are you actually insane? And how long had he been in there? He'd been in there for five days. And he was like, I wanted you to miss me and it's been, no. And make to have dinner ready at home? Like, grow.

I was like, oh my God, what? I have so many questions. So that's when he tells me he was like, it's, it's way worse than anybody thinks it is. Like, I went on a sugar baby website and was talking to this girl. Granted, you have to legally be 18 to get on those sites. The girl was 17. So she lied about her age and her name, which is very common. I feel like when you go on Sugar Baby websites, you're not going to be like, oh, this is my government name. You're just screen name.

So I don't know the exact timeline that he got on that website, but they had added each other on Snapchat, September 28th, I believe. So I was like, they had been talking long enough to feel comfortable enough to take it off that website, go on Snapchat and be snapping whatever. He also told me that they were texting from some burner app, like a fake phone number. And when you refresh it, it deletes all the messages and replaces the number. So there's no way to track it, essentially. So he was in his mind just cheating with someone of age is what he's telling you. Yeah. And I was like, I don't know why.

Sugar Baby. Like, does that mean that he's doing better financial? No. But it's funny because, so this is part of the story that's later on, but he was always, he was always broke. So I was like, that's funny that you're a sugar daddy with no sugar. Like, yeah. Are you using my money? What the hell?

So I don't know if he ever paid this girl. I will never know. But I know in October I went on another work trip and it was the first work trip we never fought on. So I was like, finally. Thank God we're finally past that. But it's funny, that's the only trip we never fought on. Because I get a call in the middle of the day, like I'm in a meeting. And he never would call me in the middle of the day.

So it's like something must be wrong. So I answered it and he sounded really weird. His car was getting repossessed. Oh, my God. So I had to pay, I think it was, but it was between $1,200 to get his car out and pound. Wait, so this is after the whole. arresting and like... So this is before, but it's part of the story. So this was in October and then the arresting happened in December. Oh, okay. So you're on this trip and it gets repode. Repode and then come

to find out that the week I was gone when his car got repossessed is also the week that they had met up in person. Right. So it's like, oh, so not only did your car get repossessed, then you also decided to cheat on me. Like, that's really great. And they had met up in a very public area and the the city we live in. And he claims allegedly all they did was make out in his car. And to my knowledge, before it was in the way. I guess right before it got repossessed or right when he got it back.

I don't know. What a prince. So the county that they had met up in, that was the felony charge. And the charge online, that's public information, says proposal of sexual relations, 15 plus year old,

seven plus year, meaning like seven-year age gap because he's about to be 32. Oh my God. So that charge ended up getting dismissed. And then one of, then he had the four misdemeanor charges in the county we lived in. He pled guilty to one of them, which is proposal of sexual activity, you know, 17 or 15 plus year old.

Wait, why did it get dismissed? Yeah. It was lack of evidence, I think, because the girl had lied about her age and her name and all of that. And it was on this website and like they didn't have. I assume in my opinion they probably didn't have enough evidence to pin against him legally, especially since she had turned 18 during all of this. So she was an adult and she wasn't pressing charges.

I have a feeling that she was falling for him. But what he had told me, the whole reason why he even did this whole escapade was because he was looking for, a third to have a threesome with. Did you express your interest in that? No. I said, and a third with who? Because the third person was left out. You said a third with who, fella? Wait, that's so, I still, I am always surprised when we hear new excuses on the show, because we've kind of heard every excuse in the book, I thought, but I have not heard somebody being like, no, I was just looking for a third. I was just interviewing. So annoying. I was like, that's a very

in-depth interview. Like, he had claimed that the girl knew about me the whole time and that she had found me on social media and had found our address online and was pulling up to the grocery store up the street when he was there. And what's funny is during this whole time period, which aligns perfectly because it was around Halloween, which was the time that they had met up in person the same month, I was doing this like fun series on social media of dressing up as different characters. and then scaring him when he would get home.

And there was this one time that he left to go to the grocery store and didn't come back for like three hours. And I was like, what the hell are you doing? I called him. I had texted him. He was like, sorry, like I'm on the phone with one of my friends, like just got caught up, like on the way home. Oh, no, you're like waiting in costume for hours.

Yes. Oh, no. That's really weird. Yeah. And then I started getting these texts from random numbers saying very vulgar things. Like, I'm effing your fiancé. You're so ugly. You needed all of that plastic and Botox in your body.

Like, really, like, vulgar things. And that was in October? Yeah, it was the beginning of November, right when I'd posted our engagement photos. And they were saying things that were very, like, specific to me. So I was like, it's somebody that he's talked to about specific things. Yes. And I was like, what are these texts? Like, oh, my God, what's going on?

And so at first, the first couple texts I got, I was like, maybe my number just got linked online. And then I was like, clearly this person's triggered by the engagement photos. So like, they either know me or him or both of us. And then they started talking about my mom. What? And like, yeah, something specific in me and his relationship. So I was like, who is this person? And so we got into a fight about it.

And he was like, he was like, I would never cheat on you. Maybe it's like one of your exes. And I was like, they're texting like a woman. things they're saying it's stuff like coming. Yeah, we know. We know. We've got our fiducian for that sort of thing. Exactly. But he just had his like fingers in my brain. I was like, no, like he's probably right. Like maybe it's, maybe it's my college X, which makes absolutely no sense. But that's what I had convinced myself and just moved on. And I was like, I'll never know if it was that girl. But the timing is impeccable for it to be that girl, especially if she did

allegedly know who I was the entire time. So the story just keeps snowballing. So I pick him up from jail. Over the next months, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I knew deep down subconsciously it was over and done with, but it's really hard to just kind of be like, get out, we're done with somebody that you were going to marry. You spent five and a half years with. So he comes back home.

Yeah, he comes back home. It's the week before Christmas. I remember on December 21st, I was like, I need space. I need you to go somewhere else. That was the first time I was ever scared in a way. He started throwing things, nothing crazy. But he was throwing like a Christmas candle and screaming and yelling. And I was like, I think throwing anything is crazy, girl.

I was about to say, yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. And I know it's, I mean, not it's. Well, it's funny that I'm still like justifying it to myself. I'm like, oh, like it could have been worse. We do that, right? We do that. Yeah.

And I don't say that to make it more intense for you, but I just want to validate you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, that's not okay. Yeah. Yeah. So he ends up leaving and he goes to family members house for a couple of days. And then it's Christmas and I'm out of town to see my family.

And then it's New Year's. I'm out with friends up in a different area. So we didn't spend a whole lot of time together during that period. And then my birthday was the end of January. So I was like, I need you out by the end of January. This is your 30 day notice if you want to get legality terms introduced, 30 days. you need to figure out where you're going. Yeah.

How are you functioning? Like, are you talking to friends, therapy? Yeah. So during this time, we were more or less kind of just like playing house, which it wasn't good. But I was just trying to get through the motions. It was just so much easier to pretend everything was okay than to accept it for what it was, especially since he's feeding me. Like, I didn't know she was underage.

She was the only girl I ever talked to. It's so easy to believe those things when you want to believe them. But I knew. But he wanted to stay with you. Oh, yeah. He was like, we're going to work through this. Like, this is not what it seems. Like, we're going to get through this.

I'm going to prove to you that I'm not this guy. I'm clean now. I'm sober. I'm going to AA. I'm in therapy. Like, doing all the things I've been asking him to do for three years, essentially. But I was like, I think it's just too late. Like, I don't think we can like come back from this.

Yeah. So he leaves for my birthday weekend. He gets the keys to his new place. A bunch of my friends come down. and because they're under the impression that I'm not really talking to him and he's not living together. They were encouraging me. They're like, go out, see, you know, see what's out there. So like a guy came down and somehow Raddy found out about that.

And that Sunday is when I was actually really, really scared. So the birthday weekend wraps up. He shows up to the house Sunday with my friends still at the house looking crazy, sounding crazy, very clearly had not slept. screaming at me on the porch and screaming through the window at my friends. Like, she's doing this because you're encouraging this behavior. We're still technically together. She's been lying to you. And then just calling me every name in the book, you know, all of the things.

How did he find out? I don't. So I think maybe he just guessed. I don't know. He didn't guess. He was keeping tabs. Yeah, I was like, there must have been somebody that saw us out that told him. I don't know.

Yeah. That's crazy. So he gets back in his car because he was supposed to come over later that day just to get all of his stuff out and fully move out. So he's sitting in his car, me and my two girlfriends get in our cars to leave. I thought that he was just waiting there for a friend or his dad or somebody to come help move him out. I'm merging onto the highway on the phone with two of my girlfriends and I hear somebody honking at me. And I'm like, I can't go anywhere. I'm merging. Look up. It's him. tailgating me onto the highway.

That is so scary. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. So I was going to go to my one friend's apartment downtown, and I figured he knew where I was going because that's the direction I was going in. So I get off the exit and do a big circle, but I get stuck at a red light. He gets out of his car to come up to my driver's side window. So I pull off, and I just cut across all four lanes of traffic,

and I'm going down this road. And he's now parallel with me, screaming at me through my window. And what he was saying was actually kind of cringy now, but he was just like, you broke my heart. I just want to talk to you. I just want to talk to me. I want to help you.

That's why I'm harassing you. Like what? So I'm like, okay, I'm either going to go home and he's going to follow me home. And it's just going to be us too. I'm going to pull into the public parking lot. And we're just going to deal with this there. So that's what I did. He gets up to my window.

I don't get like the doors are locked windows up. And then he's screaming at me through it. He's like, little do you know, I've actually fucked six girls in the past six months. And then he. But then he goes, I don't know why I said that. Like I didn't do that. I'm just kidding. J.K. L.O.L.

Yeah. Let me edit my text. What? So he finally calms down. And I was like, I cannot do this. Like, I need you fully out of the house. So either I'm going to call a cop to me to set the house. or you're going to do this really fast in and out.

Because if I call the police, you're going to prison because that's violating your parole or whatever. Yes. So we go back to the house, which in retrospect was so dumb of me. But I was just like, whatever. Like, I'll just be cordial. It'll be fine. Yeah. About an hour or two pass.

We're still fighting. And at the very end of it, I can't remember what was said, but we were both sitting in the kitchen. And that's when he corners me. And he'll chukes, bucks, whatever you want to call it. Like, you know, when you get ready to hit someone. And he was like, he's like, I should fucking hit your ass. And that's when I was like, I had a T.J. Max bag in my hand. So I just flung it and hit him in the head and it knocked him into the door.

And so I ran over to the front door and I was like, I'm either going to call the police and they're going to come over here and send you to jail or I'm going to call my dad. And I think you should be more scared of my dad at this point. Yeah. And I was like, secret third option, you leave right now. So that's what he did. And that's when I realized that he's like a totally different person in me. This is somebody I don't even recognize. I thought at the end of the day, if there was anything, he would never threaten to hit me or hit me.

And then I was like, gloves are off. You never know what a caged animal is going to do when they're cornered. So that's what I was like, we need to really take a big step back. And all of your stuff needs to be out of my house. So that was really scary. After that, though, things kind of calmed down. There were a couple times he showed up to my house drunk in the middle of the night. wasn't aggressive, just like, I miss you, like, we can work through this. I was like, no, there's

nothing to work through. You need to leave. So we are really not in any communication at this point. It's very much just like, you owe me this amount of money, you know, whatever. It's just very minimal communication. I am driving up to D.C. for a work event, and I checked my Instagram DMs, And I had received a long DM from an anonymous account of this girl saying, I met your fiancé on this website, described him to a tea, sent me a voicemail from him, like all of these things saying that he was going to buy her this Louis Vuitton crossbody. They had met up in this certain location, described the location he had made up with the other girl with, that described his car, everything.

Like she definitely was not lying. Oh my God. And also you were going to buy the Louis Vuitton. on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, not only did he lie about that one girl being the only girl that he was

like seen, there was all of these other women. Like I don't know how many, how many. And the girl was only 19. So I was like, yeah, she's legal, but that's still just like really grimy and gross. Yeah, you're a hundred years old. Stop it. Yeah. So I was like, God knows how many other women what he did with them because she's like the only

reason we didn't have sex was because he didn't have cash. him. Yep. No. Well, thank God he didn't. Yeah, literally. You know there are other stories that we don't know about. Yep. So when I got that Instagram DM, I was out of red lights and pulled over into a parking lot and I put him, his mom and his dad in a group chat, sent the screenshots and the voicemail with a long text saying, I want nothing to do with him. If he contacts me again, I'm getting a restraining order. Good luck and good fucking riddins because this is disgusting. he's been lying to everybody. Oh, hell yes.

And then I just re-blocked all three of them. Oh, my goodness. I want nothing to do. He had his old car in my driveway. Had it run in like three years. So I was like, if he doesn't get that out of my car by Monday night, I'm towing it to a junkyard. Anything that's left in the house is getting thrown away. I want nothing to do with this.

And then after that, yeah, after that I was like, I know how unpredictable he is. So I don't want him going off the rail. So that's why I filed the protective order. order. But I was granted 30 days and then it got pushed. I have another court date at the end of May because he got a lawyer for what I don't know. But now we're going to have to go to court over that. Oh, God, wait. Okay, so can you talk a little about that process though? Because we've had a lot of people try to navigate that. Sometimes it was great. Sometimes it doesn't. So I called the local jail and they said I can go to the magistrate's office. But the magistrate basically is like I can only file an

emergency protective order, meaning like if he had put his hands on you recently, then yeah, we could grant it. But he hasn't. So go to this other, it was like a different department in that actual courthouse. I can't remember, I think it wasn't the clerk. I can't remember the actual name. But I basically like pled my case. And then I went before the judge. And he basically was like, this was kind of a sticky situation with the charges and him not actually physically assaulting you. but because you are scared for your life more or less, I can grant a two-week protective order, and then you're going to have to come back to court,

and then he'll be there if he has been served, and then you guys will basically go from there. So I was granted the two weeks. Yep, and he was there with his lawyer and his mom, and then the judge and his lawyer decided to extend it for 30 days so his lawyer could get all the information he needed. So then we will be back in court at the end of May. And then yesterday.

Oh, no. So I saw my engagement ring. So I was like, maybe I could get some money that could help me pay for the lawyer fees. He had claimed that he had bought a three-carat lab grown diamond. It's a gorgeous ring. Like, I loved the ring. I go to a jeweler. They do a test.

And it is moistenite. Oh. So it's worth like a couple hundred bucks, maybe. Yeah, if that. And they were like, we don't even purchase moistenite here. We would just give you the melt value for the gold. So we could give you $60. $25. Oh my God.

Oh, that is so embarrassing for him. Yeah. So he literally lied about everything. And I had told him, I was like, if you get me more than I, that's fine, because it's basically a diamond. But he just lied about everything, like everything. Everything. Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. And this happened yesterday? Yeah, this happened yesterday. So what's the status? Did he leave you alone? Are you in contact with anyone? How are you? How are your Friends and family. Yeah, so I got my parents included on the protective order just because they live in the area and he knows where they live. He hasn't tried to contact me at all.

I'm pretty sure he's blocked by everyone on everything. The wedding was supposed to be four days ago. So we're past that, luckily. And now I'm just kind of living my life. Honestly, everything outside of that has gotten like really, really good career-wise. And just personally, I've seen how much I'm capable of and how much he was, holding me back. So that's been like very refreshing to know like I've made the right decision. Do you feel like it's a little bit of a blessing in disguise even though it broke your heart?

Oh, definitely. Can I, I don't know if you said this or not, but where is he exactly in the legal process right now? Everything, I believe, got dismissed and then he just pled guilty to one charge. Of what? So what's his? Yeah. I don't have it pulled up, but it was, I think it is the sexual activity with a 17 year old because it's no longer, at first, it says, it's listing up. minor and then it changed within like 24 hours of him being arrested to sexual activity with 15 plus or they only had so they only had evidence for the one yeah but it just happened and the two counties which is why there were two warrants but yeah if there was any other girl that was underage there's no evidence as of now and what's do we have a like verdict where is he going or we have a verdict

but is he going to jail no he has community service or so have been told is he got community service and that was it. It was more of like time served because of those five days it was like time served or whatever and then because he lost his fiance and he lost his job he lost everything. It's like repercussions have been served or whatever.

No, I don't agree. Yeah. At first, at first I was like, okay, I guess that's fair. But then once I got those DMs, I was like he's just a lying narcissist. Not that any of this is okay, but I was like, now I want his ass in jail. So freaking awful.

that he can get away with so much. Can we talk about? I know you kind of were saying he was projecting when he was being jealous throughout your relationship. And that's kind of a classic trope of somebody cheating and then accusing you of cheating. But looking back now that you know everything going on, are there other signs that you're like,

oh, that totally checks out? So it's actually funny that you ask that because when we first moved into the house, obviously he would leave to go to the store, I would leave to go to the store, whatever. but I got this DM from a girl and it wasn't a fake account. It was a very normal Instagram account. And she was like, hey, like, I met your boyfriend at the grocery store.

I worked there. And I'm pretty sure he was hitting on me and flirting with me. He gave me his number. But at this time, we were running the business. So he would give his number out to people he thought would be good recruits or employees. So I was like, oh, do you mind sharing the texts with me? Was he talking about XYZ business, like maybe like recruiting you? but what he had said something like hey it's blank thank you again for the flowers my flower girl

or something borderline very flirty I mean it was very flirty and she had told me that he said that he was buying the flowers for his grandma even though he's buying the flowers for me obviously and he had lied about his last name but had realized who he was when she got a notification that he had viewed her TikTok account because you know how it'll show activity for certain people. And then she found me. So I confronted him and I was like, like, what is this? And he was like, oh, no, that was a big miscommunication. I thought she'd be a good fit for the business. But then he was like, but this is such a friendly reminder of what it would be like if I did lose you. I'm so sorry that this was misconstrued. That was the first time that I was like, that was really weird.

Yeah. Also, I didn't know his phone password for the first two and a half years. of our relationship. But I'm very much like, I don't go through my significant other's phone. But it got to the point where I was like, what happens if something happens to you and I need to get into your phone? Like I should know your password, but he would never give it to me. So that was, that's like definitely a red flag because we've been together for so long, I should know your password to your phone.

Yeah. I don't know. He was, he's a very social person. So I've seen him interact with men and women. And I'm not really the jealous type per se. So I never really thought that. was an issue, but who knows if I wasn't in the room what he was saying. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And it's so, like, the hippocry. Hypocrisy. I was like, the hypocrisy. The hypocrisy.

That's a word. I'm so mad. I'm making up words. Yeah, you're not allowed to even stand near a guy who's a DJ. Unbelievable. And you're right to, we can't diagnose anybody of anything, but like there's something going on there. Yeah. We sure can. Yeah. We. We're. can. Like the control, the need for validation, the need to be intimidating you. It's so crazy. How did sharing this story on social media on TikTok, how was that reaction? It was actually very positive. I wasn't sure what the reaction was going to be. And there was some negativity. But overall, everybody's just been so supportive and so gracious. But I've perceived probably thousands of messages from women saying I have a story similar.

Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. I had women say hearing your story has made me realize that I'm in a verbally abusive relationship. Yes. You help me leave. Oh, wow. Mom say I'm sending this to my daughter who's going through for her first heartbreak so

she feels less alone. Like it's actually been insane the response I've received. And like how many women are like, thank you so much for coming out and talking about this because one, it's scary and two, I feel like a lot of people don't do it. because of the backlash they could receive. Well, and the embarrassment and the shame, yeah. Yeah. That makes me feel so good because I hope that's what this does for people too.

Yeah. I'm so grateful that you're sharing here. Well, that's what we've learned too, Erica. People like you that share their story, you let other women see that they're not alone. And so it's important to share this, but it really does like, it's so vulnerable. And so we're just so grateful that you're sharing with us. So thank you. Yeah, of course.

I mean, I was thinking about it. I was like, with all of this trauma, something good has to come out of it because that's why I said it's just trauma. Yeah. Otherwise, it just trauma. Yeah. So I was like, if sharing my story, if it helps one person, then I've done my job. But it's really snowballed. And I've coined Dirty Little Rop Man.

And I've started like a little merch line with that. And so it's kind of becoming the whole thing. So it's one of the shirts. Wait, dirty little rap. I was going to ask you about you. Where can we get this? Where can people fall? follow you and keep up with you.

Yeah. You're amazing. Oh, thank you. So the Instagram account is Dirty Little Ratman. We are working on the big launch. Hopefully in the next couple of months, this was just kind of like a pop-up store. But we're going to go live with these designs one more time next week, I believe. But there's a link in my bio on Instagram and then also the dirty little Rottman account as well. And what's your, if you want?

Yeah, what's your Instagram? It's underscore, underscore Erica. Well, you keep us updated because I really want to know, like, where you're at, how things are going. I'd love, I'd love to be updated if you want to. I hope the court date is okay. And we'll be thinking of you. And I'm obsessed with your, it will. Yeah, it will. It will. And I'm obsessed with the merge and obsessed with you building something so beautiful based on something awful. Thank you again for sharing this because like you said, someone out there is going to be like, oh man, that's me. Wait. And they're going to, so thank you. It's so brave of you. And we really

appreciate you. It's so nice to meet you too. I know. Thank you. It's a nice. I see you guys. too. This is so fun. Good. Oh, I'm glad. I'm glad. It's fun to vent. Exactly. Like, we're beating the dead horse. We're beating the dead rat. The dead rat. Beating the dead rat. So ratatooie boy.

Ratatooie, ratie, a dirty little rat. Let's not even ruin Ratatooie. We're just going to stick to ratie. Yeah, Ratatooie. Let's not insult him. I mean, by him, I mean, the rat and ratatooie. Okay, so Rattie is this guy that clearly has no problems lying about the worst things ever. Never. I would, how do you, it's so gross. I mean, there were so many green flags at first.

I did want to like start by talking about addiction. We didn't really get into it with her, but I know that that was a thing for a lot of her dynamic with him. She specifically was like, how could I leave him when he was at such a low moment? And I know we talk about it in a lot of. lot of different contexts. Addiction does not equate to bad behavior. Adiction does not mean that you are a dogfish. Right. But it does come up in a lot of these stories. And I think that it's important to remember that you can care about someone deeply and still recognize that you can't save them. And

love doesn't fix addiction, unfortunately. Addiction is something that person has to choose to address. And staying isn't always the same thing as helping. And it's hard because when you love someone that much, you don't want to leave. Yeah. And it's hard to, it's hard to, like, because if you leave them, then you feel like you're a jerk for, like, leaving them. It's hard. I mean, you can leave and still care about someone.

You can leave and still help someone. You always, what do you say? You can't light yourself on fire to keep somebody warm? You can't. So good. But we, but oftentimes we light ourselves on fire because we feel like it's going to keep us warm. Like, we'll stay, even though we know it's a bad situation, because we don't want to lose that familiarity and that comfort.

of that love that we've built with this person, even though it's not the right thing to do. So it's hard. She is also, she is so young and was so young. So I think about myself around that age and just the stuff I was willing to put up with because I thought, I don't know. I just thought that that's what love was, that you cut off a limb for someone if they need it. Like that's, I remember that intensity. Yep.

Absolutely. And you know what? we're all humans just doing the best we can with human experiences. And so, but there is a point. Like, everybody has a point. Like, they'll leave when they're ready. They'll start their weight loss journey when they're ready. They'll start whatever when they're ready.

And it has to be when they're ready. But if someone stays, most of the time, they're just not ready to give that up yet. And that's totally relatable, right? I relate to it 100%. Totally. But if you relate to specifically navigating a relationship with someone going through a hard time. Like, just know that if you choose to put yourself first, that only allows you to help them and others more. So let us remind you not to carry that guilt. You have to have,

you can't pour from an empty cup, right? So you have to make sure your cup is filled. We are full of good little sayings today. We are full of some bumper stickers, y'all. All of bumper stickers. I like it. I love it. He was so jealous and policed the shit out of her. Yeah. You know, so he wanted, he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Like he wanted, but he also, I'm sorry, soliciting minors, like, I don't care if they're a day before 18. You know better. You know better. You know.

But I guarantee that wasn't the only person that was, I don't even know the word. Like, it does, like, minor or inappropriate. Like, I bet there's so much more to this that we don't know. yeah, he was, he was gross. He was just gross. I think he was really gross and probably really gross online and didn't consider anybody.

Anybody. Yeah. And the fact that he only got charged with, what was it looted in the civius instead of the rest of it. And I was like, no. And only community service? And that's why it keeps happening.

We need to take, this is not a victimless crime. Like, these are children you're praying on. These are children. And even, even if she was quote unquote consenting, even if she was at an age that seems old enough, it's like you can't, you just can't until you are old enough. Informed consent, I just don't think a minor can be informed in that way.

And the power dynamic is something that I know we all hear or know about and talk about, but I think people are very still in the mindset of like, oh, well, she lied to me. So how was I supposed to know? It's like you are an adult. That's how you're supposed to know. You're supposed to be responsible. You have to. And there's, if someone lies to you and you don't know, like I get it, but also, come on.

Like you stop it. I just don't, I don't buy it, Hannah. I don't buy it either. And I think it's pretty annoying that he, oh, the excuses he was giving her of like, I was just looking for a third. I was doing it for us. You guys. That would he. That was, I forgot about that far.

He said, I was looking for a third. I was doing it for us, baby. It was free for us. And I was going to loop you in. I was going to loop you in. I just didn't want to waste your time until I found someone good enough for you. Can you even imagine? I would laugh in someone's face if they said that to me.

Yeah. Also, how many interviews did you have to conduct? Right. It seems like a lot. That's not an interview. That's a, that's not an interview. No. I don't know if you know.

No, no, no, no. No. disgusting, absolutely disgusting. And also the fact that he was on a sugar daddy site with no money is also hilarious. Oh, oh, that's what I was going to say. So the Sugar Daddy thing, that's very specific for someone looking for a threesome. Like, that's not, that's not. Yeah, you don't have to do that.

You can, it's not that hard. I don't know. I mean, we all know he's bullshit, ratty little liar. So I'm not even sure it matters. I mean, uh, whatever. I was scared for her at some points, and I'm glad that she's okay. And she talked about like that near miss with domestic violence and reactive. Yep.

I was glad that he didn't because she, you know, kind of hit him to get out of the way, which is defense. Like that's self-defense. And I'm glad that that didn't turn into something bigger. No, same. And it's hard when it gets to the violence because you never know how far that could go. So it's dangerous and it's scary. And I was just real not, I wasn't shocked. but when she said that he like all of these things came up and then she was still with him.

And then the dates every December. Oh, I know. That was wild. That was weird, right? Like, I feel like that was like a sign or something. Very weird. I think she should have like a girl's night every December 16th or whatever day it was. She should have like a lovely single party.

Yes. Oh my God. That would be so fun. I hope you get. Yeah, I hope so too. Well, maybe we will because she's got a cool dirty little rat man. No, at Dirty Little Rat Men is her new line of merch based on this story. Her shirt was so cool.

You have to go look. And also her Instagram is underscore, underscore Eric America. And that's TikTok too. So if you want to go see her telling the story, you know, it's a shorter version. We have a lot of questions to ask. But she's also selling merch. Yeah. So go check it out.

And also, if you have a story to share, we would love to hear from you. Email us, investigate at the dating detectivespodcast.com. Thank you to Erica for coming on and sharing the story. Thank you to our listeners for like tagging us. Tagging us and introducing us. And we love when you guys do that. So thank you. Social media really helps us stay connected.

So thank you for always sharing on your socials. And again, for the Patreoners. The chats and Patreon. Oh, yeah. We really appreciate and love you guys. So thank you. I hate this story that the consequences aren't severe enough. I hope that the 17-year-old...

It pisses me off. Moves forward and is okay and gets support that she needs. And I hope that Erica continues to inspire other people with her story. And I think she will. I think she will, too, because she's got a mouthpiece. She's beautiful. She is very well-spoken. She's a scientist.

She's a scientist. What a badass? So, like, hello. That's so cool. I love that. So cool. I love her. I love you guys.

Don't forget to... Don't forget to buy your tickets for the last. live show for some never before heard McKenzie undercover story. Yeah, we're going to have a lot of surprises for you. Yeah, lots of surprises. And I hope someone comes dressed as a dogfish again and 10 twinkling. That happened in L.A. and it was the best day of my life. It was amazing. So we hope to see you guys there. And we love you. We love you as always. Trust your intuition.