The Dating Detectives - The Fake Fiancé

Episode Date: September 7, 2026

When Steph meets Logan through work, he seems perfect. He was charming, successful, financially stable, and someone she already knows and trusts long before their relationship turns romantic. Things move quickly from coworkers to serious partners, with road trips, family introductions, and wedding plans making it feel like everything has fallen perfectly into place. But as their future gets more real, small inconsistencies around money begin to snowball into questions Steph can’t ignore. This week, Mackenzie and Hanna follow a trail of financial red flags, missing answers, and increasingly elaborate explanations as Steph tries to figure out how well you can ever truly know someone—and what happens when your femmetuition starts screaming that something just isn’t adding up.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email [e-mail] or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by DeleteMe. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan at joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives with code TDD.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Wayfair. Join Wayfair Rewards and get 5% back on every purchase at wayfair.com or through the Wayfair app.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Monarch. Get 50% off your first year of Monarch Core for just $50 at monarch.com with code DATING.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Arya. Get $10 off your first month at getarya.com/datingdetectives.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-723 for support. Happy dating detectives Monday. Hi, everybody. How are we doing? Happy Labor Day. It's Labor Day.

It's Labor Day. It's Labor Day. I hope everyone's having a good three-day weekend or has had a good three-day weekend. It's been raining here. I'm in Florida. And, of course, it's summer. Oh, that's right. You're in Connecticut.

Connecticut. What are you doing there? Hanging out at a lake. So fun. My life is hard. I'm very grateful for. this podcast because it has definitely allowed us to be remote and travel and spend time with Ryan or spend time at a lake or come see you guys at shows. So thank you for all your support.

I love it to do this. We're so thankful for you guys. We're so grateful for our audience and for our Patreoners, everybody who supports us, everybody who shares their story and helps to inspire or encourage someone else or even save somebody else's life or give them hope. So thank you guys so much. We love you. Well, this guest, Stephanie, is her name. You guys found her. She posted her story and a lot of comments said dating detectives and she was very sweet to say that she listened to the show and liked it and wanted to share. So we love that because that means she felt comfortable with us. Which is really cool. Thank you guys. Yeah. Yeah. You are the best. And this story is just,

it's juicy. It's truly juicy. And I want to hear all your thoughts. I also am sure that people have had similar experiences in some way. Once you hear it, you'll hear what I mean. So tell us on Patreon. If you're a Patreon subscriber, we love to talk about it. $5 a month or $9 a month for no ads, but either tier gets you at bonus episodes. And also anywhere on social media, Dating Detectives Podcast, we want to talk about this story with you. Yes. And please email us your own story anytime.

Investigate at the datingdetectivespodcast.com. We appreciate all your submissions. and again for sharing us with other people so they can submit their story too. So thank you guys so much. Shall we? Get it over the step? Yeah, let's give it to it. Yeah, let's give it to stuff.

Hi, Steph. We're so glad you're here. Hi, thank you for having me. You have the floor whenever you're ready. Okay, awesome. So my story starts in 2022. I was 38 living in Los Angeles. I had been single for a while.

you know, past relationships, but I had kind of healed from those. And I was, I felt like I was ready to be with someone. I knew I always wanted to start a family. And professionally, I was doing really well, financially independent. I had spent a decade in New York working in finance and kind of establishing myself. And then I moved into a fin-ups and people-ups role at a tech startup. So I was working remotely for a tech startup from L.A. And that is when I met Logan. And I actually interviewed and hired him the year prior. So in 2021. And it was completely professional. There wasn't any flirtation at first. We had overlapped a little bit working remotely, developed a working relationship. But we didn't have a ton of crossover. But you hired him. You were like,

I hired him, though. Technically, boss? Like, were you his boss? No, no. He did not report to me. We were essentially equals. I hired him for a specific job. And we at that point hadn't met in person. So we just kind of developed a friendly rapport working remotely. So then we finally met in person a few times. We had to go to San Francisco for leadership meetings. So we got to finally meet in person and I wouldn't say it was a flirtation, but I think we just felt like friendlier and it was nice to like meet in person. I was just like, oh, he's he's handsome and he seems cool. But that was the extent of it.

And then when we really got to know each other, I planned a company retreat. It was on an island. It was like very tropical and fun. And so we both arrive at this resort a day early to set things up for the rest of the company. But there were a bunch of snafus. There were boxes that were supposed to have arrived that we couldn't find. And it was just a whole calamity of errors. So essentially, we were with each other all day and all night troubleshooting these issues.

And so all day, all night, we're just talking and talking and talking. And I felt like we really got to know each other. We were talking about our past and our families and our past relationships. And it felt like we just bonded over that. But it was never romantic. We kept it really professional, but it felt like there was a little bit of a vibe. So do you want to share anything that he told you about himself at this point? I mean, I knew about his ex-girlfriend.

I knew that he wasn't fully settled in one place, that he spent his time in Colorado and New York and traveled around a little bit. And with a remote job, you can do that. So I learned a lot about him. I learned about, like, where he grew up seemed like we had similar family values. It was very innocent. But at one point, while we were at this retreat, we had a free afternoon. and so we borrowed a co-worker's rental car and we explored outside of the resort a little bit and we got ice cream and it was it was a cash only place and he didn't have cash on him so I paid for

the ice cream and then towards the end of the trip I think he had left me an envelope with the front desk somehow he got an envelope to me and when I opened it up it had a $20 bill to pay me back for the ice cream and it had a note in it and the note was complimenting me on how well I planned and executed the retreat and it was really, really sweet. That's very nice. Yeah, it was like, it felt very gentlemanly like, like it was, it was really sweet. But still professional, nothing crazy. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So, so we left this retreat feeling like, okay, we just, we bonded. We have more of a rapport now. We have a friendship. And then he seemed really sweet and really warm and he also, he was like a bit shy and like on the quiet side until you got to know him.

And he was very handsome. He was charming, but not in an unsettling way. Like he seemed very genuine and very humble. So my guard was down. I thought like, wow, I know this person. I've worked with him for a while now. And now I feel like I know him even better. So at that point, we got back from the trip and we started texting. And that's when things got more flirtatious and it felt like being a teenager again or early 20 something where you're like texting nonstop and you're learning all about each other and you're sharing your hopes and dreams for the future and what you want for your lives and it felt like there was just so much overlap like he was very agreeable to things that I would say now I might see that as a red flag but at the time

like it just it felt very very genuine so I felt like okay this is awesome And so he booked a flight to come visit me in L.A. And that was the first time we spent time together outside of work. And he got a hotel room. He was a gentleman about it. You know, he didn't assume that he was staying with me. But we finally kissed for the first time. And it just, it felt so comfortable.

And it felt like I had known him for years. It felt very natural. And so once we connected romantically, He was really affectionate and he seemed extremely generous. You know, he was always like taking me out for meals and we went shopping on Abbott Kinney once and he tried to pay for this jacket that I was going to buy and I wouldn't let him. I felt weird about it, but he offered and so I thought that was sweet. And he overall treated me really well. It just felt right.

And I felt really comfortable. He almost like felt like a protector and like, okay, I finally met a great guy because after dating in L.A. Being on dating apps and stuff, like, that was really brutal. So I was like, okay, this feels very refreshing. And even just knowing he has a job, like you definitely know he has a job because you work with him. And that's unfortunately something we can't always assume in L.A. Yes.

And not only that, I knew his salary. and I knew that we were making the same exact salary. So I thought we were coming into this as equals. And if nothing else, we had the same salary, and he had a job, and I knew where he worked. So it felt like this is something worth exploring and pursuing. And we kept talking, and he would spend a lot of time in L.A. And that summer.

So this trip where we really bonded was towards the beginning. of the year. And that summer, he stayed with me a lot in L.A. And we also took a bunch of road trips together. We drove up to Northern California and stayed with his aunt and uncle. That's how you really get to know someone is on a road trip. Yeah. And we traveled so well together. It was just, it was me, him and my dog. And we just had so much fun. Like we went up and stayed with his aunt and uncle in Berkeley. I met his cousins and they were so lovely. You guys, if you're a woman who's already thinking about privacy concerns and security and safety, it's so easy for people to say, oh, you're being paranoid or you're being dramatic.

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promo code TDD at checkout. The only way to get 20% off is go to joinDetMe.com slash dating detectives and enter code TDD at checkout. That's join delete me.com slash dating detectives code TDD. You guys, I'm so excited. I don't know if you've heard we talk about my new Barbie studio. So I just rented a little space that I'm calling the Barbie studio where I can do makeup and beauty stuff and connect with my local audience.

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Initially, it sounded like he had another apartment there, but then he was telling me how he had actually bought some land there. And he was talking about. talking about building on this land and eventually settling down there. So he really wanted me to see this land outside of Denver. So we took a road trip through Nevada, through Utah, through Colorado. Oh, how pretty. And it was gorgeous. We had my dog with us.

And it was like heaven. We had so much fun. Sweet. And we got along so well. And so I was like, this is amazing. And then we also, we met each other's families. We met each other's friends. I stayed with his parents, his mom and dad, for a weekend, and they were also very lovely.

And I really felt like I know this guy. So once we started dating more seriously, the relationship progressed pretty quickly. But we were both in our late 30s, and we both knew that we wanted marriage and children and a family. And, you know, I wasn't getting any younger. My biological clock was ticking, you know. Yeah, it's loud. So, yeah, and I thought, I found the right person. So why slow things down when it feels right?

And we really seemed like we were on the same page and we were equals. And so things moved quickly. And then we told our company that we were together. So everything was above board. We didn't have to hide anything. They were okay. Like there was no friends. So we didn't overlap.

So we didn't report to each other. We were on the same level. We were both part of leadership at the company. So it was kosher. So eventually, as things progressed, we started talking about the future. And we started talking about marriage and timeline. And we thought, listen, if we're really serious about this and we want to start a family, maybe we should really consider getting married before the end of the year or by the end of the year.

early into the next year. Just, you know, we will have dated for like close to a year and, you know, we like each other. Yeah. We love each other. And it felt like we knew each other and, you know, we had met each other's friends and family. We're grownups. We're, you know, late 30s. So we started looking at engagement rings. And I found my dream jeweler in L.A. They specialized in vintage diamonds. I always knew. So my mom was an antiques dealer growing up in like, Oh, cool. So you kind of know a thing or two. Yeah. And vintage diamonds are conflict-free, and they have a lot of character because they were hand-cut. And they're more affordable. And so the idea of that always was exciting to me. So we found this incredible jeweler. And we talked about, you know, what he could afford. And mind you, we were making the same salary. So I thought I knew where he was coming from. But I was like, you know, please, are you sure that you can afford this? And he was like, yes, yes, yes. And so we picked out this diamond, a vintage diamond, and the whole process is supposed to take 12 weeks.

So we designed the setting, and in order for them to start working on it, they required a 50% deposit. And when they inspected the diamond, there was a little chip on the table of the diamond. So that's like the flat surface on the top. And so they agreed to polish it for us to get rid of that little chip. But in order to start working on the ring, they required this 50% deposit. So he told me that he wired the deposit and that we were good to go. And then the jeweler sent the diamond out to be polished. And we went back after it was polished.

And it was beautiful. And I thought like, okay, the process has started. This ring is going to be coming in 12 weeks. and then it'll be up to him when he wants to propose. So at that point, he wanted to keep me out of it because he wanted to surprise me. The only part that I was still supposed to be involved with was they cast a silver model of the setting before they cast it in gold. And so that you can just try it on, make sure it's the right size, make sure you like it and that it fits. And so I was supposed to try on the silver, but everything else he was.

wanted to take care of. So while we were shopping for this ring, the salesperson that sold us the ring, I ended up becoming very friendly with. So we had a lot in common. She was actually getting married the following spring. And we were both from the East Coast. We both moved to L.A. from New York. And we just chatted it up. Oh, you became friends. We became friends. And so we went hiking. We went out to dinner. and we actually had dinner with her fiancé and Logan. So everything just felt like it was falling into place. The only boundary that she had was that she needed to maintain a client salesperson relationship with Logan because he was the one paying for the ring. So, you know, we could not talk about that.

But as far as I knew, everything was progressing. So while the ring is being made, he gives me a small placeholder ring, which was very, very sweet. It was a really tiny vintage diamond chip. And it was from a designer that I really like. So it was very sweet. So I had a little tiny ring on my finger. But I really wanted him to wait to propose to me until my ring was ready. But also, we kind of wanted to get things going with the wedding.

planning. And so we start wedding planning because like I said, we wanted to get married quickly so that we could just move on with our lives. But we knew we wanted marriage before trying to start a family. So we start looking around at venues and I find this bed and breakfast, a block from Venice Beach. It was this old really large craftsman that was covered in ivy and had a beautiful yard where we could, you know, have our ceremony and reception. How pretty. Yeah. And it wasn't technically a venue, but they allowed us to rent it out, like, the whole thing.

And so a few of us could stay there and we would just plan this really beautiful weekend. And then we realized that I think it was a Saturday in December. It was, the date was December 3rd, 2022. And so we were like, oh, one, two, three. and then that became a little slogan for the wedding like easy as one two three we're like okay that's our date and so we were like set yeah we were like set on that date and we thought oh this is great like my birthday's in january i'm still going to be 38 when we get married and you know it just it all felt like like it was right timing wise and in order to secure the venue we had to put down a deposit and logan and i

created a spreadsheet. We put in everything that we thought we would need and roughly how much it would be. And we agreed to split everything 50-50. So I had thought that he put down this huge chunk of money on the engagement ring. And so I was like, you know what, I will put down deposits for the venue and some of the vendors just to secure our date. And, and, And Logan had agreed to when he went back to New York. So he was in L.A. when all of this was happening. And he maintained an apartment in New York. And his checkbook was in New York.

And my bank was also on the East Coast. So he said next time he goes back to New York, he's going to deposit a check for $10,000 into my checking account. And then he also connected his paycheck, part of it. he connected like part of his direct deposit to my checking account to slowly pay me back for his half of all the wedding stuff. So I started to get part of his paycheck, but I was waiting for this $10,000. So from the start, I had been asking for complete financial transparency. I told him it was important for me before I married someone to make sure that I knew where they were coming from,

because my parents were very irresponsible with money growing up. And it was to the point where we lost everything when I was really young. And I was always aware of having to support myself. Like I started working when I was 14. And that's why I spent 10 years in finance, paying off my college debt, and trying to build a little safety net for myself because I knew I didn't have anyone else to rely on. And I had like I had financial trauma.

So it was very important for me to have that security and stability for myself. So there was no way that I was going to compromise that. Like he knew from the start that I wanted to be very transparent and see everything. Because, you know, like when you tie yourself to someone through marriage, you're tying yourself to them legally and financially. And everything's intertwined. Yeah, their problems become your problems. Exactly. So yeah.

So I never gave him access to anything. But he was just like designating part of his paycheck to go to my account through. direct deposit. But then he finally goes back to New York and I'm like, okay, where's this $10,000? And he had every excuse in the book. Like he kept delaying. So first, he was too busy with work. He couldn't get to the bank. Then he told me that he was really sick. And this is really gross. But he actually sent me a photo of what looked like vomit in the toilet. And I don't know if it was fake or if he was actually making himself sick over this $10,000. But then I was like, hello, what's going on?

And so I was putting some pressure on him because, you know, I needed honesty and transparency. And I felt like, what's going on? You told me we were good. This isn't making sense. And so then he told me that he did go to the bank and that he deposited the check and he received a receipt. But somehow he lost the receipt. And meanwhile, I'm checking my account and I'm like, Logan, there's no pending deposit on my account. And I know how banks work. And this is, you know, 2022. If you go to the bank and you get a receipt, there is a digital record of that deposit.

And so he was trying to say that the bank lost his check. And at that point, I knew he was lying. I just, I knew. my spitey senses, my femtuition, all those things were like screaming. Everything green, ding, ding, red flag, red flag. Yep. But I didn't know why he was lying. Like, I just, I knew he was lying and I kept calling him out on it and he just would not admit it. And so at that, that was the first red flag that I was like, oh my God, this person is lying to me about this. I don't know why.

and there's a lot riding on, you know, I've put down all these deposits. I'm waiting for this ring. So far, I've paid for everything. And I just, I have to wait the rest of the 12 weeks to see if this ring is coming through. It just, everything was like, oh, my God. At that point, I started getting nervous. Did you call and check on the ring? Just like, let me see.

Can you do that? No, I wasn't able to do that. So they couldn't give me any information. Yeah. And also, I wasn't the client. Like, I wasn't the, you know, the person paying for it. So they couldn't tell me anything. But, but I was led to believe that we were good because why would they polish the diamond before they received the 50%. I was confused. And I just, I got really nervous because I was like, oh, God, what, what if he's lying about other things? Like, once. you catch someone in a lie. Yes. And you don't know. What else are they lying about? Yeah. Like, you don't know what's real and what's not.

And so at that point, I had already paid all of the deposits. I had signed contracts. Friends and family had been notified. Like, people had bought flights. Bridesmaids had bought dresses. And so at that point,

I was like, okay, well, my only choice was to wait and see, what would happen. He was not... Just like hope for the best. Exactly. And everything else seemed okay. Everything else was still kosher, but he was lying about this $10,000 and I just didn't know why. And it was like just gnawing at me. So after that happened, I started to really get on him to show me everything. I showed him my financials. I was very transparent. I told him, we're going to be, legally married to each other, which means our finances will be intertwined, and I need to understand

what I'm walking into. And he just kept stalling, and he had every excuse under the sun. And honestly, he just seemed so disorganized, and he seemed financially illiterate. So he was telling me he was locked out of an account, and then he opened a new account, but the card went to a different dress and then he started talking about his distrust for banks and I knew that he had this crazy uncle who I had never met but had like didn't believe in banking and like just stashed cash everywhere and it was like this I don't know anyway so he was like telling me about how he didn't trust banks and he didn't feel comfortable yet sharing that with me he was also telling me that he had money tied up in equity and different projects that he was invested in. He painted this

picture of this whole world where he was involved in all these things. And I had no reason to not believe him. So it just kind of went unresolved. And the $10,000 had come up again in different ways, but I still haven't received it, but I was getting money from his paycheck. So he was contributing something towards all of these deposits that I had paid and all this money I had laid out. So we had all these excuses, but that was really still the only major red flag. Like we were still having a lot of fun together. We were in communication constantly. And we were busy wedding planning.

So my lovely aunt who helped raise me, she was like a second mom to me, really wanted to throw me this bridal shower back on the East Coast. where all of the women in my family and all of the friends that I grew up with, everyone is back east. So she really wants to plan this bridal shower. And I did not want to have a bridal shower until we were actually engaged. And he had proposed and I had the ring. So she set the date for the bridal shower two months before the wedding because that's when the ring would have been ready. And so it was strategic that it was going to be that weekend. So the shower was supposed to be in October, and Logan and I both had plane tickets to go back for the shower. And as the date of the shower was getting closer and I hadn't been proposed to yet, I started to get more and more nervous.

And then I had this bracelet that belonged to my late grandmother. And it was a vintage piece. So I took it to the jeweler to see if they could restore it for me. And while I was there, I mentioned something about the silver being ready. And like, oh, Logan said, I'll get the silver next week and I'll be able to try it. Like, whatever it was, I tipped her off to know that I didn't know. that the ring wasn't coming from her. Oh, God.

So at that point in time, she said to me, Steph, I have loved getting to know you, and I want to continue our friendship, but can we just put things on hold until you're engaged? I don't want to ruin any surprise that Logan has planned for you. And so I went back to Logan and I was like- Because at this point, she's thinking that he's getting it somewhere else, maybe. Exactly. Exactly. And she thought, she doesn't know. And she was like kind of annoyed because we went out to dinner with her and her fiance and we became friends. Right. And so she was tipped off that I didn't know. And so she assumed that he was getting it from somewhere else and didn't have the heart to tell her. But they still needed to maintain that professional relationship. Absolutely. know because it's her job and she was a professional.

And so she asked to put our friendship on hold until I was engaged. And so I took that to be like, okay, she knows what's happening. And he is. She can't say anything. Exactly. But she had no idea. She was just as wooed by him as everyone else was. Like she thought he seemed so genuine.

So she really thought that the ring was just coming from somewhere else. and, you know, she felt bad about it. She's getting dogfish too. Yeah, exactly. She took herself out of the equation and she was like, please, can we continue our friendship once you're engaged? So I went back to Logan and I was like, the salesperson kind of just broke up with me as a friend. And he was like, I asked her to do that because I was afraid that you were going to ask questions and I didn't want you to ruin the surprise. Interesting. So I was like, okay, well, sure, I'm just going to wait for

this proposal. Then we get to the week before the bridal shower. So we are supposed to fly home on Friday, I believe, and the shower was scheduled for that Sunday. And we work together. So Logan has access to my calendar. So he sent me a bunch of placeholders on my calendar to kind of sike me out like there was a proposal happening, but I didn't know when. And block off this time, block off this time. That's kind of cute. Yeah, exactly. So I'm like, okay. And so I would make sure my hair looked good and I had makeup on and I was like wearing a cute outfit. And two days in a row, he psyched me out. First, he like took me out to lunch and I'm looking around and I was nervous because we had hired

a photographer and videographer that I paid the deposit for and we had built in a proposal shoot like an engagement shoot into our package. So I knew that they were going to be part of the proposal, but I didn't know what he was going to do. And the first time he psyched me out, he took me out to lunch. And mind you, he didn't have a car in L.A. So everything we did, we drove my car. And so he's driving me in my car and taking me to this taco place and we get food. And I was so nervous.

I thought, oh, my God, a camera's going to jump out at any moment. And I was, like, looking around. Oh, you're like waiting for this thing that happened. Yeah, I was waiting. And I was really nervous. And nothing happened. And then the next day, he does it again. And he takes me to this beautiful park in L.A. with an overlook.

And we get out of the car and we're walking around. And I'm like, what are we doing? There's nothing here. Like, what is this? Here we go. This is my time. And I was like, oh, my God, are you fucking kidding me? So then there was one more placeholder.

And I think that was like Monday and Tuesday. And then now we're at Wednesday. and the third time he did this at that point I was over it and I knew he was lying to me and I just didn't think this was happening so I didn't get dressed up I was just like wearing workout clothes and I just didn't care anymore and then he drives me to I don't know if you're familiar with Silver Lake but there is a famous staircase with hearts going up and down it. It's off of sunset. It's like outside. Yep, it's right off of sunset, right across the street from an Alfred coffee. And so he parks on sunset and I have a panic attack. I start crying and I was like, I can't believe you're doing this to me.

We're supposed to fly home in a couple days and I have to face everyone. And he was also extremely moody. And this is a person who was very mild-mannered and very sweet and warm. And you could tell he was stressed and he was snappy and not acting like himself. Because his lie was about to catch up to him or it was catching up to him. Exactly. Yeah. So I was like really stressed out.

Hell yeah. I just had a panic attack in the car. And I was like, I can't believe you're doing this to me. And then he made a comment, well, I don't understand why we need to even do this. Don't you want to marry me for me or do you just want to marry me for an engagement ring? Like it was just, he made this comment and I was just, I had had it. I was like livid. I was all snotty and I was just like, fuck this.

And then he was like, staff, the rings in my pocket. The rings in my pocket. Like, you're, don't worry. Like, it's, you're fine. Like, please, can you just take a walk with me? And then I felt like, shit. I felt horrible because I was like, oh my God, I'm ruining his surprise. What's wrong with me?

Like, I can't just go with the flow, you know? So I was like. I was like beating myself up because he's like, he's like, I have the ring. I have the ring. Like, calm down. So I'm like, okay, fine. So I cleaned myself up a little bit. And it was a really, really hot day.

And so he's like, just take a walk with me. So we walk up the stairs and I'm like, cool, now what? And as we're coming down, he pretends to hurt his knee. And he had played basketball and he had a previous knee. injury. So he's like, oh, and he bends down. And I'm like, oh, my God, are you okay? Because I know that he's had knee surgery and I was worried about him, but it was like a stall tactic. And so I turn around and the videographer and photographer that I had paid the deposit for jumped out. He gets down on one knee. He pulls the box out of his pocket, opens it up. And it is this.

little emerald ring. Stop. Not what? Not my ring. Not your ring. But I was a deer in headlights because I had a camera and a video camera in my face recording me. And I was stunned. So what he said to me, he asked me to marry him and he said, don't worry, your ring's still coming.

This was my grandmother's ring. It's a family heirloom. I had to fight my parents for it. but I wanted you to have it and we're going to get your ring. I just owe a little bit of money on it and I didn't feel comfortable approving the final design without you. And I'm just like, what the fuck? Like I just planned an entire wedding.

He had one job. One job. You had one job. And now I'm like, oh, you're waiting for me to finish my surprise. Cool, cool, cool. And mind you, I told you, my mom was an antiques dealer for many years, and she specialized in antique jewelry. You knew good and damn well that was a crackerjack ring. I knew that was not a vintage ring.

But again, I'm a deer in headlights. I don't want to be ungrateful. He's telling me a story that sounds like it could be plausible. He went as far as to say, you know, my grandmother must have had really tiny fingers because I had to get it sized and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just knew in the pit of my stomach, but we had built in this engagement photo shoot into our photography and videography package. So we proceeded to do a whole photo shoot. And Logan looked like he was going to vomit. Okay.

It was hot as hell. It was so awkward. I was so uncomfortable. Oh, good. And it did not feel right. it did not feel right at all. And then later that night, we went to one of our favorite restaurants, and it did not feel like I was engaged.

He was so off. He didn't seem happy. It did not feel right. And I remember talking to my aunt, and I was like, it doesn't even feel like I'm engaged. This is weird. So basically what he said was, I owe a little bit more on the ring, and I don't want you to reach back out to the salesperson. let me pay for it. I don't want you to be involved yet. Let me take care of it. And then I'll pay it off. And you can

work out the details with her. And I was like, damn it, we waited this long because of this ring. And now we're supposed to fly home for my shower. Like, I don't want to show up to my shower without my engagement ring. So I was essentially just waiting until I had a moment alone to call the salesperson. Good. So that whole night was. so painful. And then the day that we were about to fly home, we were just kind of rushing to get work done and I hadn't packed yet and I was all stressed out. And so he took my car to run errands. And while he was out running the errands, I took that opportunity to call the salesperson. And so I call her at the store and I'm like, hey, it's Steph.

Logan proposed to me, but he gave me this family heirloom and said that he owes a little bit more on the ring. Can you just tell me what the balance is? I'll just take care of it. I just want to get it over with. Like I felt like this was one more task on my to-do list for wedding planning that I was just like, whatever it is, it just needs to get done. So she tells me, okay, congratulations. And she's like, wait on a minute. And she pulls up our account in her computer.

And she's like, Steph, Logan put down $2,000 back in July. And then kind of ghosted us. And she was like, I'm so sorry. I thought the ring was coming from somewhere else and that he just didn't have the heart to tell me. She was like, you know, it wasn't even enough of the deposit to hold the diamond. She's like, we ended up putting the diamond another ring in it sold. Oh, my God. She's like, I'm so sorry.

And I was like, okay, thank you. Thank you for telling me. Fuck. So I hung up the phone. Were you sad about the ring at that point or mad at him at that point? No, no. I was so mad at him because he's been lying. Now he's lied.

Yeah. This was major, major lies. Yeah, that's a big deal. He's been stringing you along. Exactly. And he had me put down all these deposits. I spent over $20,000 preparing for this wedding. And he knows about my childhood trauma surrounding money

and that I'm very type A and very diligent. And I now know that he has lied about the ring. It does not exist. And I know that I can't marry this person and I have to call it off. But I am still giving him the benefit of the doubt, and I want to get to the bottom of it. So I hear the garage door open. So he's coming back from running errands, and he was going to just meet me at the back door and hand me something and then go back out.

So I muster all of my strength, and I just go to the back door, and I just say, Logan, take your shoes off and come inside. I need to talk to you about something. And I basically sit him down and I just said, I found out that you lied to me about something really major and I need you to come clean. Otherwise, I have to call all of this off. And he says, you found out I was married before? Oh, oh, wait. Yes. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes. He didn't tell you. He said girlfriend. No. No. So it gets better. My jaw was literally on the floor. I was like, oh, well, that's not the lie that I was talking about, but, oh, you were married before?

Okay. You could have told me that. So at that point, I was like, well, are you still married? Are you divorced? So here's a little tidbit that happened early on. I managed payroll and benefits for the company. And I knew about his ex-girlfriend. And I saw she had his benefits on our payroll and benefits system.

And I called him out on it. And he immediately removed her. And he said, oh, she lost her job during the pandemic. And I just felt bad for her. So I lied. And I added her as my spouse. But we were never married. And she did have a different last name.

And so I thought that was strange. But at the same time, we use a PEO company, a professional employer organization that group small companies together for benefits. So there wasn't really anyone checking, you know, if the spouse is really the spouse or not. So I was like, okay, that makes sense. And he seemed like a very generous person and always wanted to help people. So that really wasn't a red flag until later than it made sense. So then I basically was like, listen, we're supposed to fly home for my bridal shower.

Everyone has bought plane tickets. the vendors are paid everything is in the works are you fucking kidding me like where is all your money I was livid but at that point I went into detective mode and there were no more excuses I was like you need to show me everything right now or I'm calling this off I need to see proof that you're divorced and I need to see all your financials and so he's like okay I need to make a phone call and I was like oh are you going to call your lawyer so that you can show me divorce paperwork and he goes outside and he comes back in and he has a bank representative on the phone and I was like, okay, this is a friend that's in drama school. So, no, it was actually a random bank representative because he told me that he

had this checking account that had $7,000 in it and that he lost access to the online portal and they sent him a new card so he could get back into it, but they sent it to his parents' address. And It was this whole, you know, snowball of lies. And so he comes back in with this bank representative on speaker phone. And I said, ma'am, can you just tell me the balance on the account? And she says, sir, do I have your permission to share that information? He says, yes, $25. Oh, my God.

It seemed like the free $25 promotion you get to open an account or something. Like I was like, hmm, $25. Okay. Where is your paycheck going? You make a healthy six-figure salary. Where is your paycheck? You have to have another account. And I also asked to see his credit score.

And I was like, if you know your social security number, you can get into credit karma. So show it to me right now because there's no way in hell. You're in your late 30s and you don't know your social security number. Yeah. So he logs into his credit karma and it is low. Like I don't remember exactly, but it is low. It is like horrendous. And I see that he has a collection on there.

It was a $500 utility bill that he just never paid. What? So, yeah, how irresponsible. Like, you know that's there and you just leave it. Like, you could definitely afford to pay off a $500 utility bill. Yeah. So that was in collection. So he had essentially no credit.

And then I asked him, like, I'm like, you have to have another account. where is your money? And so he opens up his Chime account. And if you're familiar with Chime, apparently it's a banking platform where it helps you build credit if you don't have credit. So it's almost like a debit card. You have to load money into it. And then it helps. I guess you cured credit card. Yeah. Yeah. So he had this Chime account and I was like, great, let me see it. So he opens, he logs in. And I see a $250 line item for a pawn shop. slash like jeweler that's in the town next to us. So I'm like, oh, is that where...

My ring came from? Is that where this ring came from? And he's like, no, that was a family heirloom. That was my grandmother's. Like, he was sticking to the lie. So then what is that? And I was like, I know this is not an antique ring. So what is this?

And he said, oh, well, I went there to have it sized and polished. Well, first of all, it doesn't cost $250 to have a little ring size. Maybe like $50 max. And second of all, you don't take a family heirloom to a pawn shop jeweler. Yeah, no. What are you doing? So I'm like, oh, okay, well, I Google the pawn shop. And I'm like, look, they're open.

So I called them in front of him. I felt like he is not going to come clean unless I prove his lies to his face. And by the way, there was a balance of like $38 in the time of counts. Yeah, I was going to ask. Okay. Yeah. So I'm still at a loss. where all of his money went. But anyway, I call the pawn shop and I describe the ring and they say,

oh yeah, we made that. And I was like, is it even gold? Because it's $250. And they're like, yeah, it's 18-carat gold. But since we made it in house, we don't have to stamp it. But if you bring it back in, we can stamp it for you. And I was like, no, I'm good. Thank you. I'm a broken record about how finances are so important for independence in a relationship. And I was thinking about how I learned about finances growing up. And one thing that I remember is hearing the phrase, we'll figure it out. My family, people I knew, it was just like, you know what, somehow you figure it out. And I didn't like that.

That to me was scary. And as I got older, was like, how can I avoid just saying, we'll figure it out? And how can I actually figure it out ahead of time? I use an app called Monarch. And it's so helpful because most apps only times. tell you what you've already spent, but Monarch helps you set goals and map out a big purchase or see if you're actually on track before it's too late to adjust. So you don't just have to be like, you know what, let's just do it. We'll figure it out later. You can actually be ahead of everything

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And at that point, he goes in the closet and starts pulling out his suitcases and packing his bag. And I was like, snowed me, I guess. And I was like, where are you going? You don't even have enough money to take an Uber to the airport tomorrow.

His goose is cooked and he knows it. Yeah. And he actually had the nerve to ask me if he could stay in my house while I flew home the next day and house it. And I was like, wow, absolutely fucking not. Negatron out of bomb.

No, sir. So basically what I told him is you are going to sleep on the couch tonight. And then you're going to come with me tomorrow to drop my dog at the sitter. And I'm going to take you to the airport. And you're going to get on that flight. And you're going to go back to the East Coast where you came from. You are not staying with me anymore. And you are not staying in L.A.

Because you have no business being here. And you go back. Go back to where you came from. Were you like, were you heartbroken at this point? Or like, no. I was sick to my stomach. I didn't sleep at all. I was just at a complete loss.

I was so embarrassed. I am the oldest daughter. I'm a Capricorn. I am type A. Like, I buckle up and I do what I need to do. You're like, nobody's going to step all over me. Yeah. So I just made shit happen.

So I was running on adrenaline. That night, you got his finances to the extent that there was anything to show. What else did he tell you about the marriage? Oh, so about the marriage, I asked him to show me proof of his divorce, and neither of us had grandparents left. And I knew about this trunk that belonged to his grandfather that was in his parents' basement that was eventually going to go to him. His parents were trying to clean out the house. They were eventually going to sell it. And he told me that his divorce paperwork was in the trunk in his parents' basement, but his parents couldn't know about the marriage or divorce.

So he couldn't show me the paperwork. And I was like, you are so full of shit. Like, okay, whatever. Yeah, exactly. And why did he lie? Like, why lie about that? Yeah, it's so dumb. Yeah, and so this was kind of upsetting.

But my aunt was really stressed out about the bridal shower. I told her, please, please don't spend a lot of money. Like, just a brunch at a restaurant in New York City. Perfect for me. please don't go out of your way. It doesn't need no frills. And of course, she's like a mom to me. And so she ordered all this stuff and she went above and beyond and had all these things planned. And I think she was really hurt. And obviously, she was one of the first people I told about this. And she insisted on calling off the shower right away. So I obviously needed to tell people that I was calling off the wedding before she reached out to them.

And so that put a lot of pressure on me to send something out immediately. It was so, so, so stressful. So I was basically drafting an email that I had to send first thing the next morning before we left to drop the dog off and go to the airport. And so he slept on the couch. I mean, I did not sleep. I threw stuff in my bag. I was delirious. I was a wreck, like an absolute emotional wreck.

And also I found out that he was telling everyone the only reason I called it off is because I found out that he was married before. None of his family or friends knew that he had married this woman. No one knew because I was like, what the hell? No one, you know, gave me a head about it. Yeah, weird. He ultimately said that her parents were really religious and pressured them to get married. And so they got legally married, but they didn't actually have a wedding. I don't know what the truth is.

I don't even know if he was actually married to her or not because I, because I've never seen proof of anything. But basically he was telling everyone that I was calling it off because he was previously married. And that is such fucking bullshit because if he had been honest about that, like, that doesn't mean anything. Like, as long as you're legally divorced, I don't care if you were married before.

It's our relationship that matters to me, nothing else. And so I... Like you said at the beginning, if you lie about this, what else are you lying about? Exactly. It doesn't make sense. But anyway, so we get... Get on the plane and right before we take off, I get an email from his uncle and it was very, very sweet and he was like, I'm so sorry that this happened.

It was so lovely to meet you. And we were looking forward to getting to know you more, but, you know, just know Logan's not a bad person. He made a mistake, but he like means well because he didn't know the extent of what happened. He just thought I found out that he lied about being married and that was a problem for me. So I spent the entire six-hour flight drafting a response and documenting everything that happened. And so I put the whole thing in writing. I literally spent the entire six-hour flight drafting this email. And as soon as we landed, I hit send.

And so I think my aunt picked me up from the airport. And that was the last time I saw him. Like a year later came and got his stuff out of my garage. but like, that was the last time I saw him, you know, during this whole fiasco. When you guys landed and were getting off the plane? We were not sitting together. I think I changed our seats or something, but we were not sitting together. So I got off the plane and I didn't look back.

Wow. And I knew that he was safely back in New York and then the rest was up to him. Like, my responsibility was over. So my aunt picked me up from the airport. and proceeded to show me all the things that she had ordered for the shower. Oh, are you heartbroken? And some of my family members were so mean about it. They were like, I can't believe you wasted our time and we booked flights and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And so I did pay back a few things. Wow. Like, they were so unsupported. They got the email, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they blamed me. They're like, you jumped into this so fast. You didn't know each other.

It was really traumatic. And then while I was on the East Coast, I decided to go to his parents' house. I knew where they lived. I had stayed there before. And I just decided that I needed to get some answers. And so I went and I knocked on the door. It was the Sunday of my shower. And his mom went to church.

But his dad was home and he let me in and we sat down and we talked. and I got so much dirt and I felt like why the fuck did no one warn me? So I found out he had told me at one point that he had a graduate degree and my company didn't do background checks so I didn't know for sure

but his dad was like, oh no, he barely graduated from undergrad like his brother has a graduate degree. Oh my God! And then I didn't get to see his mom, but we had a phone call that weekend and I found out that he had lied about other things. And apparently he had this crazy uncle who was also a pathological liar. And she was like, oh, well, he must come from the same genes.

From the same cloth. Yeah, exactly. And I still don't know where all of his money was going, but his mom told me that he had totaled his ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, wife, who the fuck knows. He had totaled her car. So that could have been where some of the money was going. I don't know if he actually owned land in Denver. So after all this came out, I had met one of his friends there who was invited to the wedding. And his friend told me, yeah, he borrowed my car and it came back with mud on it. And he said he was going to try to sell the land. And he was, like, driving all over Colorado.

So I don't know what's real and what's not real. I've never seen proof of anything. Wait, did he take you to that Colorado land? I forget. Oh, yeah. He did. Yeah, you saw. He took me a little random.

So did he just take you? Did you a random patch? of land and say everything the light touches is my like he just lied about it so it was an area that was a lot of farmland but there were some homes and there was just a few undeveloped plots and yeah he took me to it and we walked around and we took pictures and he was actually talking to a co-worker before all of this transpired i remember him talking to a co-worker who also lived in colorado and i think he had visited at some point and they were talking about how he was going to develop the land, building, like a shipping, what are they called, like a freight container home on the land and different trees that he should

plant. It was this very elaborate, if it's a lie, it was a very elaborate lie. And he was delusional, I guess. So one thing that his mom said to me, so he played basketball and she said he sees life like a basketball game, like, you can come back in the fourth quarter, but that's not how things really works. So I thought that that was like a really interesting analogy. Yeah. Like, I can fix it. Like, I can pay, I can get this ring in time. So he's not necessarily malicious. He just believes that, you know, I'm thinking like, oh, in a class in school, it's like, I'll just get my grades up at the

end of the year and you're like no yeah exactly not how it works wow so interesting that they were so willing to talk to you i mean i'm glad yeah so there is one silver lining to this story and i suspect that it may have been a similar situation with his ex but he left part of his paycheck going into my checking account i gave him a whole list of all the money that i lost you know like i had to i paid for a wedding dress i paid for vendors. I paid for bridesmaids gifts. I paid for all of these things. And I even charged him for therapy. Good. Good for you. I was so traumatized. I was like, you're going to pay for my therapy. So I made a whole spreadsheet of everything I lost, and he ultimately paid me back over a very long period of time. But he kept working at your company? So he's still working on. This is the

interesting thing. So our company knew that we were supposed to get married. And then when all of this came out, we had to be cordial at work. And we really did keep it very professional. And since our roles didn't overlap much, we really didn't have any interaction. But I don't know if you're familiar with the Sam Bankman-Fried Ponsie scam. A dogfish scam for sure. but give people a rundown if you want to.

So when that happened, when FTX or whatever it was collapsed, our tech startup was affected by that because we needed to raise capital and that prevented us from raising capital. So essentially this happened in October and then in November, I found out that I had to lay off half the company and that I was going to be losing my job. Oh, God. And so, but he kept his job. and I believe he's still there.

I believe he's been promoted and, you know, probably doing very well for himself. So the silver lining is that he paid me back. And so thank God he kept his job so that he could pay me back. Oh, good point. But it felt like a huge gut punch. I lost my job and he kept his. And I think that he was very handsomely compensated for staying on. and he's been promoted and is...

He's just failed upwards. All right. Yeah, he's a lucky son of a bit. Did he have any remorse? I feel like he did, and that's why he paid me back, but he also could not admit to why he lied and to where his money was going. And there's been speculations about drugs or gambling or something.

I was thinking gambling. I was thinking gambling. But I never. saw him do anything but smokepot and I never saw him gamble and we were together a lot you know so I actually wanted to know more because I'm me so we had to obviously look this fella up and do a little sleuthin. Do a little do a little sleuthin and we found some information on him and just to be clear when there's any kind of background check conducted I know a lot of people think a background check has all the answers, but please keep in mind, background checks are only factual records. This is not like a

psychological evaluation of people or why they do what they do or why things are the way they are. Background check is simply records. It's facts. It's whatever can be proven. So what we know about Logan is that he's been sued twice by credit collections agencies. Now, both times that he was sued where the timeline was before she met him, but it does speak to a trend of money issues, which I also want to point out a lot of financial information isn't necessarily readily available. That's a whole different ball of wax. So a lot of the financial issues regarding things like that are a little bit harder, but you can definitely see when there's a legal case. So in this case, if a financial institution sues someone for money, that becomes a legal case. So now it's not

financial. Now it's legal. So that's why we're able to see stuff like that, even though we might not have any information outside of the what's presented in the legal case. But either way, despite that, we still don't know where he's spending all of his money. But another thing that background checks provide is anything that associates to someone based on their email address, perhaps an IP address or a username that is common between an email address. So we did find a polymarket and a Cal sheet account attached to a known username of his. So it could be gambling. Those are polymarket and Calci are betting sites where you can basically bet on anything.

So who's going to win an election or what's Taylor Swift going to wear to the next event? Anything like that. When their gas price is going to drop? Like you can literally bet on anything. So it could be gambling. Obviously, we can't know for sure. And to what you said about these random properties in Colorado, he doesn't own any property in Colorado.

None. That doesn't surprise me. And he never has. But I think everybody is probably like, yeah, that tracks. Unless it's in someone else's name and he's just calling it his, he owns no property. So it seems like he probably just took her to some random plot of land because he's never owned property, not in Colorado. and as far as I can tell, not anywhere, but definitely not in Colorado.

Also, if he did get married and divorced, it was in a state that keeps marriage and divorce records confidential like New York or Virginia. So New York State keeps all marriage and divorce records confidential for 50 years, and Virginia keeps them confidential for 25 years. Oh, wow. So if he was married. Did you say Virginia? It was in Virginia.

Oh, God. So if he was telling the truth. that's where they lived together. So I would imagine that's where they were legally married. And of course, it's the one place where we can't know for sure. Yeah. But the woman that he says that he married, she did delete all of her social media and online presence after their relationship, which is weird if you ask me. Yeah, I noticed that. I didn't remember her name. And then I went back through old text messages and I found it and I looked her up and I couldn't find anything. There was one article about her for the business that she's no longer at from 2021. So I she's running away from him

maybe. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I was thinking that too. I was like, I wonder if she's hiding. Yeah. Man. Were you more brokenhearted or more angry or both? Like, can you tell us how you were feeling after you found this out? I'm certain it broke your heart because you love this person. Yeah. I truly felt like a shell of myself. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. I was heartbroken. He had become my best friend as one should who you're going to marry. Yeah. And so losing him and then losing my job a month later, it was definitely a low point in my life. I think it was definitely a wake-up call to put myself first and really be sure, sure, sure about someone before I, you know, made any financial commitments. I mean, he made you think that you didn't do anything wrong. Like, this is on him.

I want to ask you, I'm in my early 30s and starting to definitely feel at what point? Does the clock tick and get louder? And how do you know if something's right? But I wonder if you wanting so badly to settle down with somebody, did that allow you to look past some of these things? But it really didn't feel like that. As you were telling the story, you were on top of stuff. I really do feel like that, like part of it was that I really wanted to believe him because I felt like I was ready for that. But I really did think he was the person. And until he lied about the 10K, I had no idea. Like, I really believed everything because I had no reason not to.

But I will say what I've really learned from this is if someone is really genuine, they're never going to evade your questions. They're never going to gaslight you. If you have concerns, they're always going to be open and honest enough. upfront and you should be able to ask them anything. Exactly. And case in point, I met my now husband a little over a year after all of this happened. We're so happy to hear this something. So I was just shy of my 40th birthday when we met, but I was very upfront with him about what had happened to me.

And so not only did I have that childhood trauma with money, but then also with this whole experience with the fake proposal and calling off the wedding. And so he knew from the start that this was a sensitive topic for me. And my husband started his career as a professional musician, signed with the band. And so building a safety net wasn't his priority. And so he was very open and honest and very upfront about his financial position. And he had also been engaged before. And he told me everything from the jump. And at first, I was like, ooh, I don't know. And we kind of went back and for a little bit. I like tried to break up with him once. This was like very early on. And he was like, listen, I just want you to be happy. And if I'm not the right guy for you, just be honest with me.

It's okay. Like he handled it so well that I was like, oh, I want to keep you expected him for that. This is the kind of person that I want to be with. He cares more about you than he does about his ego. Yeah, he doesn't have an ego. He's genuine and kind and sweet. And that's that's why I married. married him. And so we got married in Joshua Tree in June. And it was so special. It was so, so special. We just, we compliment each other so well. And we've grown together and we encourage each other. And I think the message that I just want to get out there. And, and I've also heard this from people that I've given them hope. But I just want to say, it is never too late. And it is worth waiting for the right person. Absolutely. You know, like, it just.

But also you're not an idiot if you accidentally believe the wrong person or trust the wrong person. Totally. But I just, I hope that women have the confidence to call it out and just know that it's never too late to call something off. Yeah. Like it doesn't matter if you're about to walk down the aisle. If it doesn't feel right, you trust your gut and you can always make a change. What would you say to the person who maybe is listening and is like, I've been unsure about going through with this, but it will be so embarrassing.

It will be so much work to call off the wedding. Like, you lived their nightmare and survived it. So what would you tell them? It's going to be uncomfortable for a little while. Like, the sooner you rip the band-aid off, the sooner you'll get over it. And honestly, I didn't do it until I knew for sure. I continued to give him the benefit of the doubt,

and I continued to wait and see. But as soon as I knew for sure, that's when I knew I couldn't go through with it because it would be to my detriment. You have to be able to trust the person that you marry. So that's a lot. Well, I want to talk to you more about your research because I think it's so fun that we got to kind of verify

or not verify things that he said. I mean, I don't think this guy was malicious. I think he was a liar who didn't know how to not lie and then they got out of hand and he just maybe doesn't see beyond. on like right in front of him. Like what is going on in his brain? Yeah.

And I think his actions too, tell me if you think, if you agree, but it's he, he just, his actions were a little juvenile. Yes. He was very like,

oh, I want to do this. But then when it came down to actually doing the thing, he just couldn't follow through. He just couldn't follow through. And then he was like very ashamed of it. And then he couldn't admit to it.

And it's all just very juvenile. Like, at least some people that really mess up, they take ownership of it. Yes. And they, you know, they're like, oh, man, hey, so I really messed up. So, you know, I don't know. I just don't like it.

You know, I love happy endings. So I'm so happy she found somebody. But I think it was. I know. Me too. So telling, yeah. And so telling that this guy also was somebody who was a musician, maybe didn't have as much of a career as she did.

And there wasn't a deal breaker. They were able to talk about it. And he talked about things he wanted to do better financially. Like, you can have a conversation and say, oh, I can't afford that ring. but I want to. So maybe I put a plan in place for us to wait to get engaged or whatever. Like he just didn't communicate at all. Yeah, he was more worried about impressing her in the moment without any thoughtfulness

about how I'm going to actually follow through with the crap I'm saying. And even when he did propose, he didn't do it the way she wanted to at all. And that is obviously red flag. I loved how she talked about waiting until it's really right. but I really, it definitely, you know, got me, got me feeling a little, I get it with the feeling of your biological clock of being in your 30s and starting to be like, do I need to focus more on settling down? Do I am I being too choosy? No, yeah. So there's society pressure, right? There's societal pressure. Then there's that biological clock thing is real. I remember when I was

28 and I was, I had just gotten pregnant with Ryan, but I was 28. I was like, oh gosh, am I going to get pregnant. Like I'm kind of getting up there. And they're like when you hit 30, I think it becomes like, they don't they call it like a geriatric pregnancy. I'm 35. I'm pretty sure it's 35. So, but still like that's it. It's like holy crap. And there is a little bit of pressure. But also by that age, most of the time we're pretty confident that we know what we want. So I can see it being both. Like I could see it being a little bit of, you know, pressure, but also a little bit of I'm ready. Like I don't care if I move fast. I'm old enough now. I know what I want. So I get. get it. That's the hard thing is that you can totally know what you want and move quickly and it can

work great. I think we always come back to the same thing. That's where your femme tuition comes into play. If he's down on one knee or whoever's down on one knee and you just don't feel right, it's not too late. And it's the worst thing ever. You're going to be like, oh my gosh, I'm going to have to tell my family and friends and cancel this and lose money, but it's not as bad as marrying the wrong person. It's not as bad as marrying the wrong person, absolutely. But at the end of the day, I feel like Steph is a very well-rounded, well-educated individual. Like she's, again, not a dumb girl. None of our guests ever are.

But even she mentioned, you know, feeling a little dumb or a little ashamed or whatever. But at the same time, she knew what she wanted it. And he led her to believe that's what he could provide to her. And so she had every reason to think that he would. this is someone that she began to trust. So yeah. So I was thinking last night after we recorded, like, I was just laughing at the fact that he showed her a plot of land that we don't know whose it is.

Like, he just picked a plot. It's just random. And was like, here's my land. Like, I'm still not over that. And I know. It was so crazy. His lies were just so chaotic that it is confusing. What if you're not necessarily dating a pathological liar?

but there is somebody in your life who has tendencies like that, a family member or a coworker or somebody that you can't easily avoid, how do we deal with pathological liars? Do we just never trust them with anything and don't expect them to be accountable and just say hi and buy and keep it cordial? Like, is it possible to stop lying like that? No. You're asking the wrong person. I say don't ever trust anybody ever. So it's... just then you're covered on all basis. It's just sad. I want to hear what people think about pathological liars in a,

like it doesn't have to be a huge abusive level. Like I want to just hear about your experience. I mean, financially perhaps because he used her money and life, like livelihood. But yeah. For him it got too far and he didn't know how to reel it back in is what happened. He went too far.

It's traumatic. It was. dramatic for her for sure. And yeah, so if you have called off a wedding or had an engagement from hell or found out somebody had lied about your engagement ring or anything engagement related, wedding related, we want to hear. Yeah. And we've talked about the, we talked about the momentum too. Like once that momentum is going. Yeah. Like how do you, what do you do say, okay, change my mind? And then she had to tell her whole entire bridal party and the guests and the family and they had flights. That's really embarrassing.

And so that's, that, that must have been so hard. How do you stop? Once the momentum is going, you can't stop. Have you ever been in a position where you've had to stop that momentum? Yeah. And how, and, you know, she survived. And despite the people she mentioned saying things like you did this because you didn't recognize it soon enough, so it's your fault.

That's a pretty good example of what not to say. If somebody calls off a wedding, they're obviously going through something. hard. Yeah, like it just, I'm sorry that you wasted a plane ticket. Like, obviously she didn't mean to. Like, I don't know. I just feel like a little bit more support was warranted, but it just sucks, I guess. It's a bad situation all around, but it could have been worse if we got her 20 years from now. And she's like, yeah, we've been married. And it's been horrible. And then she has to split everything with him, including all the financial burden. I'm glad she's doing better. And she trusted her femme tuition at the end of the day.

We want all of your comments, your thoughts, your concerns, your questions, your good stories, bad stories. You can send stories to our email, investigate at the datingdetectivespodcast.com. And also you can talk to us on Patreon or social media. Yeah, and send your support to Steph. Anything you have to say in support, we will make sure she gets that. So thank you for the supportive words in advance. Absolutely. And yeah, we love you.

Have a good end of your summer as summer comes to a close. Oh, my God. It's already over for us. Ryan's already back in school. Yeah, he's back in school. Well, we love you. And as always, trust your fentuation. Trust your fentuation.