The Dating Detectives - The Faker with a Purple Heart

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

Alanna moved to a new city and joined Plenty of Fish to meet people and explore the area. She thought she met the one, until his lies came crashing down like a house of cards. Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page! If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email [e-mail] or contact us through our website using this link Earn points by paying rent right now when you go to join bilt.com/TDD This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Factor. Head to factormeals.com/TDD50 and use code TDD50 to get 50% off. That’s code TDD50 at factormeals.com/tdd to get 50% off! ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-723 for support. Good Monday morning. Top of the morning, too ya.

So obviously we have a new episode for you today, which we're pretty obviously excited to share with you as all of them. But before we share it with you, we need to talk about the Patreon. We had crazy stories emailed to us that we read this week. There's like multiple job fish, if you will. Yeah. People that were dogfish at their jobs. And they were nuts, like awful, awful, awful stories. But it's so funny because it definitely falls along the line of dogfish, but jobfish

was so appropriate. And it was like that, you know, it's punny. Well, we want all of your stories. Yes. Ha ha. Sorry. We want everybody's stories. We had a friendship episode last week. If you missed that, thank you everybody who's been like responding so much to that story. That was like heartbreaking, but also so informative. Because it's interesting how we handle romantic relationships and friendships so differently. And I never thought about it. A lot of people were commenting, like, that is a friendship breakup or a friendship betrayal is worse than the relationship one.

Because unfortunately, I feel like we do kind of like, we talk about relationships and people being shitty in relationships. And we're kind of, I wish we didn't have our bar a little lower, but we have our bar a little lower. Friendships, it's like ride or die till the end. Yes, exactly. And then when you betray, like, how do you betray, like, how do you betrish? tray that. Like you, you, it's okay. Like, you should, if I do something wrong, like, you should be like, yeah, girl, I'm, I'm right here with you. You fucked up, but I got you, right? I'll be there with you.

I'll bail you out. Like, always. I won't even bail you out. Like, I won't be right there next to you. You'll be in the cell. Molly? Molly? Yeah. Molly, please help us. But no, so join the, join the Patreon. It's $5 a month and you get two bonus episodes and then we do our live streams every month and it's just a really cool sense of community there as well. So don't, don't hesitate to join the Patreon. We love our Patreoners and it's really nice. Our next live is September 15th. So come to that. But other than that, this story is really good and it's tricky as usual, but she's awesome. We love her. And she was so, like, well-spoken and wise beyond her years. Her words, like, she, well, she's got that, like, that writer's verbiage where you're just like, dang, she is.

amazing with words. I can't wait for you guys to hear from her. Bumper sticker after Bumper sticker. Like you're going to want to write everything down that she says. You're going to be like, ooh, that was a good quote. Like if you have those little, those little Tula planners that have like the whole quote book, like you're going to be like, oh, let me fill up my quotes because that was a good one. You're going to love it. Honestly, let us know which one you like, which one speaks to you the most. Which, which quote from this episode speaks to you the most, maybe we'll put it on a t-shirt or something. Give her a cut. We love it. Okay, shall we? Let's do it. Hi, Lana, thank you for being here.

Hi, thank you for having me. Well, take us into your story. Start from the beginning. Tell us all the things. Oh, man. I have been sitting on this story for almost 10 years now. So I've had a lot of time to reflect and grow. So I'm really excited to share and hope that some good will come out of it.

But okay, I'll just start from the beginning. To better understand how I got here, I'd have to take you back before I got there. This story starts around June of 2014, and I had just graduated college. I went to a small liberal arts school about three hours outside of Philly. And I had been debating on whether or not to move to Philadelphia like a lot of my friends. But back then, I was really starting to see the reality of graduating with a English degree that didn't really... The job prospects were a little shot. Hello? Yeah, the job market was like not great. And I wasn't quite sure what to do with my life. I had

realized at that time a month before I graduated that I was going to be a journalist and then I decided I didn't want to be one. And so with that, that really just made me feel super anxious. I wasn't quite sure where to go, what to do. And so I had called my mom. She actually had moved to Pittsburgh while I was in college. And I'd visited a few times. It was bigger than where I was, but not too big. And so I'm breaking down, crying, walking across the soccer field, it's like, you know, this thing of like, oh, no, my life.

And then she comes in, it was like, hey, her doubt, time for a change of pace. And so, yeah, I just decided to move. And so a week after I graduated college, I packed everything up, I knew, sold it, and then moved over to Pittsburgh. And so I get there towards the end of June of 2014. and I don't know anybody. I'm not used to that. And I never had to make friends before. I came from a small town where I could go walk outside and I'd see people I know.

And I had a community. I had friends. All sorts of people that I could be connected to. And so because I was in a position where I wasn't quite sure how to reach out, you know, and this is pre, all of the meetup stuff, all the phone apps, I was really limited with how I approached people. And because of that, I decided to try online dating a little bit. So I thought, okay, well, I don't feel comfortable just going out and trying to make friends that way right away.

Let me get a better understanding of the lay of the city. And so I started going out with guys and I used the app plenty of fish, which I think they really need to rename that app. I met my husband on that. Well, I mean, to each their own, I mean, there's pros and cons. But I would know, I don't recommend it. Right. She's like, I am one in a million. Yeah, no, for sure.

It's like a thrift store. It's going to be really hard to find some good ones. They do exist, but you're going to have to go through a lot of trash first. That's a good. That's a good analogy. It's like a thrift store, yeah. It really is. A couple months go by.

I'm still getting a lay of everything. I end up getting a couple of jobs I kind of went through, like just temp jobs to begin with. And then I finally landed a job at a company. So I got my first big girl job. I got a new car, starting to make friends. So I'm like, all right, my life is certain to move in a positive direction. And I matched with this guy in about towards the end of October of 2014. So I had been in Pittsburgh a couple of months by this point.

And his name is Zach. And he seemed really smart. His profile said that he worked in public health. He had a master's degree. he spoke several languages. He had spent time. Fancy. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And he had spent time. He was in the Air Force. And so he's a world traveler. He's a really good cook. All the things, right? And he looked a lot like the guys I used to date back then. And I had a type. I had a type for sure. And so he struck up a conversation with me first. We taught for a couple of days. He seems really smart, outgoing. Definitely

all on paper just was like perfect. And so we decide to meet up. We meet at a bar closer to his city, which is about 20 minutes away from me. And the first time we meet, it was sort of strange because I walk into the bar and I don't see him. And I'm looking around and I'm part of hearing. And so I kind of get disoriented when I'm walking in a room and it's loud. I do 360. I kind of do a complete spin. And all of a sudden he's right there like in my face. And I'm like, whoa. Wow. Like he just, he just spooked me. I was just like, you know, just like a tiny spooked poodle like, pooh-hoo, sort of thing. He's probably like, geez, am I that ugly? Right. Right. And so I just thought that was strange. And he's like laughing about it before he even says hello. And so I'm like, okay, hi. And he's like, oh, hi.

Yeah, I thought that was very odd. And he was like, I was like, oh, you know, I just wanted to make sure you look like your pictures. Ha ha. Oh, so he was hiding to make sure you weren't catfishing. Right. And then he, because that way he could run away if he needed to. Yes. How ironic.

Got it. Ugh. Okay. Yes. So I thought that was kind of rude. And kind of just, I don't know, it just seems sort of like. A hundred percent. Predatory in a way.

And he was really tall, too. And I'm very small. I'm about the size of Danny DeVito. So. Just for reference. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys, have you ever been someone who loves to learn? Like, as an adult, do you make time to learn new things as often as you'd like?

Or was that kind of lost in your childhood? So the reason I'm asking is because kids are always learning and growing, but as adults, we kind of lose that curiosity. And for me, I feel like I lost that curiosity when I kind of lost myself. And I ended up with the opportunity to be able to find myself again with Better Help. Therapy with Better Help has kind of helped me reconnect with that sense of wonder, that desire to learn new things, but also teach others. And that's been actually one of the really cool resources that BetterHelp has given me when it comes to finding my confidence.

So I personally have benefited from therapy. It really helps me to be the best version of myself. It's not necessarily just for people who have experienced major trauma, but a really, really great way to just, I don't know, find that joy and find that excitement again. with learning new things. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online. So it's designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch your therapist anytime. There's no charge for that or anything. But rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash TDD today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash

T, D. Wait, so how did he, like, win you over? Like, what were the good parts of the date? Right. No, back then, I was really easy to win over. I've gone on a lot of horrible dates at that time. And so, comparatively to the men that I had been going out with, it was like the bar is on the floor sort of situation. And at that point, just someone being nice to me and just making any time and effort at all was,

I had never really been treated with a lot of respect at that point. And so I didn't have a lot to compare it to. And so we just got to talking and he won me over because he was really charming. You know, after that weird hiccup at first, I mean, on paper, he was great. He told me that he had a master's degree in medical administration. He told me he knew four languages. He told me that he had been in the military, that he was in the Air Force, that he had spent some time in Japan. He You know, he was really articulate and he was very curious about me in a way that men had not been curious about me before he wanted to know me. And he asked a lot of really deep questions about me right away, which as I learned, you know, 10 years later, he was gathering data. And he was just trying to figure out how much I knew about the city I was living in. How knew was I really, how optimistic was I sort of thing. And I think that he, you talk about this a lot, it's he was marrying me.

He was mirroring what I was looking for. And he was very charming. I remember we're saying that we're talking, we're talking about literature. I just graduated with my literature and journalism degrees. So, you know, I have my head up my own ass thinking that, oh, I'm, I'm so great. I know all about Chaucer. And he's just, you know, eating it up. And I'm thinking, okay, wow, here's this guy who's cute.

He's into me. He's asking questions about me. He wants to get to know me. We end up driving around in his car listening to Radiohead. It's like a movie. Yeah. And it felt that way. It felt like I had known him forever.

And I think I even said something like that. And he just really wanted to get to know me. And I felt really like I was being courted. And that wasn't something I had ever been used to because I didn't really date a lot in college. At that point, someone wanting to hold the door open for me. and walk right in and give me any time of day was just not something I had ever experienced before. We did kiss on the first date. It was very high school, though. It was just sort of like a... Well, you're driving around listening to Radiohead. We know. But for real, that's very romantic.

Yes, yes. I do remember it was just kind of like a little peck and then, you know, I go back off to my car and then, you know, I'm driving home. and then I had given him my number at that point when we met. And I remember I got home and he had texted me my name and had said, that's how you spell perfection. Oh. And I was like, you loved it? Oh, I ate it up. Oh, my God.

It's so funny in hindsight, you're like, all right, buddy. Yeah. How many times have you used that? Exactly. Exactly. And so the beginning part of a really, He really pursued me in the sense of he wanted to make me his girlfriend right away. I was by our seventh date, he asked me to be his girlfriend, which I thought was a little bit

early because we had only gone out about not even a month at that point. Like we did spend a lot of time at first, but I was still living with my mom, my stepdad. So he didn't really come over. And for whatever reason, he wouldn't let me go over to his place. And I thought that was really strange. because we kept having to have these public dates. And so it would either be at bars, which I was kind of like, I don't want to always have to meet you at a restaurant or it was, yeah.

Yeah, it was that or we would walk around the mall. And I was just kind of like, are we 14 trying to hide? Yeah. The fact that we're going out with boys. Like, let's Netflix and chill. Pretty much. But like at the mall. The other thing, too, is he wanted to text me all the time.

And I was in a job where I worked in outside sales. So I had a work phone. and for whatever reason, he thought it was appropriate to text me on my work phone all the time. And it got to the point where I got pulled aside at work and they were like, hey, do you need more storage or a plan on your phone? Because we're noticing like on your data, there's a lot of text messages going in and out. And so I didn't. And you're like, I'm sorry, he's obsessed with me. Yeah, exactly.

Because I wouldn't respond to him on my other phone because I'd be working. But that wasn't good enough for him. He needed to be in contact with me. And I'm just like, okay, well, I'm working. So me trying to be a good girlfriend because it's a very new relationship. I'm in a new job. And it's my first time really in the real world. And I wanted to do right by everybody.

So I was just also just the biggest people pleaser. And I was like, okay, well, I will try and get him to like stop texting me as much on my work phone. Well, then that turned into him needing to email me. Oh, my God. So, and it would, he would just talk about nothing, really. And it would, it would just, he just, I think he just needed my attention. Yeah. It sounded like he really just likes to hear himself talk or text.

Yes. And, but needs you to be like, that's good, sweetie. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you're smart. Yes. You know everything. I know nothing.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Did he get mad at you ever if you weren't texting him? Or was he always just like, okay, so he would get like upset? He would just be like, why aren't you respond? I check your phone and I'm like, sir, I am doing the best I can. I'm trying to get by on this $30,000 a year in my little H&M jacket and my pointed ballet flats. Like let me try and hustle through here.

Right. Let me live my life. So that was more in like the earlier days when we were dating and he finally had admitted because, you know, I was really tired of these public dates and he kind of admits that He's living at home with his parents. And I was like, okay, well, that's fine. Would have been cooler if you said it up front, though. Yeah, they don't think the, like, we're not going to judge them as hard as they think to, though. Like, I'm living at home too.

Like, I don't know. I'm not even from here. I'm living at home with my parents. Who am I to judge? So I thought that was strange. But then another thing, Red Flagchu, he had, aside from his dating profile, he had no social media presence. Not to say you have to.

But I... Red flag, though. I couldn't find him anywhere. Honestly, agreed. Agreed. No offense to those who don't have one. But if you don't have one, where are you hiding? It's just a preference thing.

And if you're the type that wants to find some verification of someone online before you date them, you're valid in 2024. Like, that's just, that's where the world is. Yeah. It really is. Yeah. I wish I would have probed that question a little more because I remember asking him that. And he just shut that down really quick. And it was just like, I just, I just don't, I just don't have, I just don't have it.

I just, I don't want to have it. And that, no. Like, he, he just like, I would be like, okay, well, why not? I just don't want to have it. I, I would much prefer to have a private life. And the hostility of his response. So that just really. Yeah, that's weird.

It sounds as judgey too. Yeah. And so, but I'm like, okay. So I'm trying to get to give him the benefit of the devil. And I hadn't dated anyone. anyone seriously. So college, I was a lot heavier back in college, and unfortunately, I was treated as such in a way of, like, boys weren't very nice to me, the ones that I did end up dating or would hang out with,

and they would have me go out the back door sort of thing. Been there. That's happened to me a number of times. It is so true. People don't believe you that it happens, but it really, really does. Yes. They're like, no way. People won't ever treat you like that.

Yes, they do. They absolutely do. Yes. I'm so sorry that happened to you. That is awful. Me too. You know, a lot of times I respond to stuff, be like, it's okay. It's not okay.

It's not okay. And it really warps your sense of what's okay because then you go, all right, well, he's not slamming the door in my face and he's not telling me not to tell people that were hanging out. He's Prince Charming. Yes. Anyone was better than what I had gone through. He hadn't let me meet his friends at this point.

And I thought that was sort of strange. and I would eventually meet them, but he was really, like, didn't want me to converse with them. When I met his friends, he told me I wasn't allowed to ask them anything. He's like, you can meet my friends, but you can't ask them anything. And I'm like, why not? Like, I need to, I need some tea on you. And he goes, no, if you have any loyalty to me, you will not ask them anything. Red flag.

Other than, like, the surface level stuff, he would get kind of nervous if I talk to any of them. And he'd be like, well, what are you talking to them about? like, just nothing, really. And I would ask about him and he would, he would tell me, like, don't ask my friends about me. I want you to know about me on your own and not through other people. Oh, my God. That is so.

That is on my own. I'm doing my own research. Yeah. No, I actually would rather learn about you from your friends. I want the dirt. I want the honest, embarrassing moments of when you got blackout drunk and did something stupid. I want to know what I'm getting into.

And that's what, you know, especially because I was not from the area. and I had never dated anyone before that I didn't at least have some kind of preconceived idea of who they were as a person and so to have no idea about someone and also, you know, I had a journalism degree and so I very much was like, let me ask questions, let me get to know by sources. Yeah, exactly. This is on the record. I should have, honestly. I really wish I would have because it wasn't that long until he started doing hot and cool behavior. And, By that, I mean, he wouldn't want to see me, but then he would text me all night that he missed me. Be like being available for me.

Right. And he would pull away from me a bit. There was a shift, and it was a gradual shift, but it was there. He started to devalue me. I went from being on a pedestal to be knocked off of it pretty fucking quick. We had been dating two months. It was during football season still because we watched a football game. with his friends.

Yeah. And he was very moody that day. And I had been asking him like, hey, what's going on? Why are you being so moody? Is there anything I'm doing? Like, you know, you're just very quiet. This isn't really like you. He's ignoring me most of the time.

And he just sits there and he goes, well, I'm feeling some type of way right now because it's Veterans Day. And you know the scar that I have on my forehead. I have a story about that. And it happened when I was on my second tour in Afghanistan. And I have a purple heart because when I was in Afghanistan, my entire platoon got shot out and everyone died but me. And when we were getting shot at, I got hit in the forehead.

And the bullet raised my forehead. And that's why I have a purple heart. And he's sitting there with tears in his eyes. and he's silent crying. And he's just like, just letting you know every year I'm going to just feeling down and feeling upset on veterans day because I lost all of my entire platoon.

God, so you must have felt guilt. I felt horrible and I'm sitting there and I'm like, no, it's okay. Like, obviously I'm here for you. Like, that's awful. I didn't know that about you. Like, thank you for sharing that with me. I can't believe you went through something like that. That must have been really traumatizing

and how brave you are to, one, be able to share that with me, but wow, like, you were the only one that survived. And I was just like, I'm here for you and I hugged him. And I was like, thank you for sharing that with me. That must have been super traumatic, but, like, I'm glad you're okay. As you guys might know, I am on kind of a, like, a weight loss journey. And there's one thing that helps with that for me is having easy meals because I'm not someone who enjoys cooking all that much. I'll be honest. You hate it. I don't like it. I'm not interested. But I do. I do. I I do still have, like, wellness goals, you know.

So I want to shout out Factor because they have an amazing menu of chef-crafted meals with options for no matter what your wellness goals are. So like calorie, smart, protein plus, keto, stuff like that. And they're never frozen. They're not like the frozen meals. They're totally fresh. They sit in your fridge. They're dietitian approved.

And they're ready to eat in just two minutes. So no matter how busy you are or how much you hate cooking, you'll always enjoy. a go-to, nutritious, great-tasting meals. You can get a lot for not, like, price-wise, they're, I think, like, one of the best options out there for this type of thing. I totally agree. I put it on her Instagram,

but I was visiting my best friend who lives in New York. And, you know, naturally, she lives in New York City. She's got, like, kind of a tight space, a gorgeous apartment, but it's a little small. And she's busy. She's out the door all the time. And she got a factor delivery while I was there. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm obsessed.

You actually use Factor and you live. love it and she really did. And we, I got some of her meals too. But we had like, what did she get? What kind of stuff did she get? Okay, my favorite. It was literally called like Nona's Sunday Beef Bolognese, which is so cute. Oh my God. That sounds amazing. Is no, I'm going to be, is that Italian? I think it is. I think so. Your Nona is your grandma. But like it was so good and it kind of felt like homemade like a like a real grandma made it for you. But it was really, really good. And then also I've gotten this multiple times. They have like a taco bowl. like a chicken taco bowl.

It's like a healthier like Chipotle version is what it feels like. Yeah. Anyway, whatever you want, they also have breakfast. They have like those egg bites that you can get. I'm a breakfast girl. I love their breakfast. Oh my gosh. They have so much.

And also you can get free wellness shots. They have a lot of options and whatever you like, you'll find it. And it'll be delicious. And again, if you are lazy like me, pop it in the microwave. It's literally two minutes and it's fresh, not frozen. So like, have you ever made those? meals where they're like frozen and then you put them in the microwave and it's like burnt on the outside but frozen. Oh my God. Or yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not that. These meals are

amazing. And we have such a good deal with them. I blows me away whenever we get to read it. Should I, should I share it? Do it, do it, do it. Okay. So head to facturemeals.com slash TDD50 and use code TD50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month. That's code TDD50. at fact your meals.com slash TDD50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month while your subscription is active. I mean, it's such a good deal with or without that deal. Yeah, show notes, it's all there and let us know what meals you get. Around that time, too, he had invited me over to his parents' house for Thanksgiving, but they weren't there. I still wasn't allowed to meet his parents, but he,

He wanted me to come over to his parents' house and he was going to make me Thanksgiving dinner. But they weren't going to be there. And that was the only reason why he was inviting me over. And again, I thought that was really strange. I'm like, I'm your girlfriend. You say you love me. I'm the one. So I go over to his parents' house and he actually really was a phenomenal cook.

Like, I will give him that. He was an incredible cook. Green black. That's a definitely great. Yes. He was a phenomenal cook. And so he makes me this elaborate dinner. And as he's made.

making it, though, he's like, we have a pretty short amount of time where you can be here because my parents are going to be coming back. And I was like, you know, is he like sneaking his girlfriend? I know, like, what are we 14 at the mall? Yes. So dumb. That's how I felt and I was really hurt by that. But he makes me the dinner. He like makes me shovel the food in my mouth and says that I had to get out because his parents are going to be home within a half hour. And I remember I went back to my parents' house and I'm just crying and they're like, why are you upset? Like, what's going on? I'm like, he kicked me out. They're like, he kicked you out. Why would he kick you out of Thanksgiving? I'm like, I don't know. He just said, I had to go home and his parents were coming. They're like,

why wouldn't he want you to meet them? I'm like, I don't know. And so they didn't really care for him. Like, they thought he was a little odd and standoffish. But again, he says he loves me and he says I'm the one. So I'm going to put up with this, even if it feels a little off. So that's really when I would get this flip-flop of I want to be with you all the time, but I'm going to push you away. And it was a push pull, push, pull, push, pull constantly. And it was very confusing. But again, you know, I still really wanted to be with someone. I was still trying to get my bearings.

He seemed really into me. And I just wanted some sort of sense of stability and consistency. And so about by January, he's telling me that we should move in together. Because at that point, I was trying to save up money so I could find an apartment and move out of my own because I didn't want to stay at my parents forever. And so I was talking to him about it. And I'm like, yeah, maybe.

And he was like, but I want to marry you. So I think it would be a good idea. And there was a city within the suburb that I had wanted to move to. And I was like, I really like this city. And he was like, yeah, we can totally move there. We definitely should. So he's planning the seat in my head that we should move in together and we should move into a really cheap one-bedroom apartment

so we could have all this money to go do stuff on the weekends. And keep in mind, he had told me that he, so he said he worked in public health. Yeah, he said he had this really good paying job. And I thought it was strange because he gave me a really specific number of the amount of money he was making every two weeks. So he was like, I'm making $2,400, $418. And 83 cents, like every two weeks.

So we can definitely get an apartment. And you're like, all right. I'm like, all right. That's, yeah, that's weird. That's specific. Super specific. And so I start looking at places and he goes, try to find the cheapest ones you can. I'm like, why?

You tell me you make this very specific amount of money and you can afford nicer. And back then rent kind of. more accurately represented the economy. So really miss those 2015 rent prices. Please come back. Yeah. But he's like, oh, if we do this next step, then we can have all this money to go do all these fun things on the weekends.

So, you know, that's why we need to leave cheaply so that I can take you out and do all these things. I'm like, okay. Yeah, that totally makes sense. But at that point, I really just wanted to get out. I wanted to be on my own again. I just really wanted to move the city. And I wanted to be someone that said they love me.

And I had never lived with a boy before. And I thought, what better time than to figure out how to grow up than to live with a boyfriend? Yeah, you really were like, let's throw everything into it. Yeah, basically. And so I find this apartment for super cheap. And he says to me, oh, how about we put the apartment in your name? What? You should be the one.

Like, let's put all the bills. Let's put everything else. Let's put it in your name. What you mean in my name? What did you mean in my name? Yeah, why does he say that? Okay. He goes, well, I just think it would make more sense.

Like, if anything, you know, if we ever did break up, like, at least you would have everything. I'm like, oh, how considerate of you. Oh, you're doing this for me. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And so everything in my apartment, all the bills, everything was in my name. And so he was like, don't worry about it, though. Like, just let me handle the bills.

Let's just have it in your name. And I'm like, okay, that's not weird at all. Sure, let me go along with it. It's your first time. Right. And so I trusted him. And so we go to get furniture. And we used a lot of mine.

We used a lot of his, but we did a new couch. And so we go, we're looking at furniture. We find one that we really like. And it was really expensive. And I was not making much money at that point. So I couldn't afford this. this like, you know, $800,000, $1,000 couch. I mean, not even now, but back then especially.

And so he was like, oh, why don't you open a credit card with, with, I didn't have a credit card at this point. Oh, here we go. And he said, how about you get a credit card with the furniture store and then we'll put your name on it. But then I'll pay it off. So don't you worry, I will pay it off this month. And I was like, this is a lot of money.

and I don't really want to go down this rabbit hole. Why won't he just get it on his credit card? Exactly. And I asked him that too. And he goes, well, I, again, you know, if anything happens, I want you to be set up to where you wouldn't have any problems. And I promise you, like, I will pay this off. Don't you worry.

I'm here to take care of you. We should just put it in your name. And I'm like, okay. So we get all that set up. And so then the day in question comes to us, to move in. And my mom my stepdad, they weren't super on board with me moving in with a boy without being married and, you know, just it's an abomination sort of thing. Yeah. Okay, mom. Yeah, okay, mom. So.

That's that religious kind of household or whatever. Yeah, pretty much. But again, I'm an adult. They can't stop me. But my stepdad comes to help out and he had to work too. And so he was only able to help out with carrying the big items up the stairs. And so then he had to leave. And so that left Zach and I to do all the rest. And again, there's four flights to stairs and a lot of the little boxes to go up and down the stairs with. And after a couple of boxes of us doing this, and we had a lot left too, he goes, all right, I'm going to leave. Not sure when I'll be back, but I got to go. And I'm like, what?

What? We, why? We are moving in today. Hey, why aren't you staying? There's something I have to go do. Are you coming back? Well, what is it? He would not tell me.

What? He just said he had to go. Where did it go? So what did you? I need, this is where McKenzie goes and B.I. Need more information. McKenzie, I am with you there because I wanted to fucking own. To this day, I still have no idea.

And I am always very curious of like what, where the fuck he went because he never came back that night. He just left? He just said, peace out. Scout and left for the night. How did you feel? Off. Like, it was confusing. And I was hurt.

And I was scared, too, because I'm like, there's something happened to him. And. Did he change? I would have been like, did he change his mind? Like, does he not want him to do? Yeah. No, that was something I was like, did he get cold fee?

And he just decided. I'm like, oh, my God. He says he's not home with these bills. Now he's not coming back. And I was like, we have some much more stuff. We have to carry up the stairs. I have to do it all by myself. He was like, sorry, I'll be back.

And then it was, oh, I'll be back tomorrow. Sorry. And so it really, it really in hindsight, you know, that was such a perfect representation of what my relationship was, which was me being left to carry everything alone. And again, with another great exam. Yeah. And so he comes back the next day. He doesn't tell me where he went. He won't explain him.

And I like you know that that really put me off a lot and I'm like okay. Well, I can't fight with him all the time So I just you know how to pick and choose my battles now we're here let let's try and work through it's always just like let's work through it We have an issue. Let's work through it even though he's the one causing the issue but I need to work through it though. You know I need to work on myself here and so Something else to know about where we moved to was we didn't have off street parking so So we had to park on the street. And what it was, it lived, we were on a bus line. So what that meant was at these really obnoxious times, like 7 to 9.30 in the morning, you couldn't park on one side of the street.

And from 4 to 6.30 in the evening, you couldn't park on the other side of the street. Oh, Lord. And I always had to leave before 7 a.m. anyway. So when we moved, I was already a little bit far from my job. But now I'm adding about 10 more minutes further away. So I am about 30, 35 minutes away from my job at this point. And it was one of those jobs I had to get in really early in the morning at. And so I would be up around like 5, 5.30 and out the door by like 6.55 sort of thing.

And I remember that Monday morning, I woke him up and I said, hey, actually, no, let me back back. Actually, the night before, I said, why don't you move your car today so that, You don't have to worry about moving it the next day because look how good of a girlfriend I am. I'm anticipating your needs before you have them. And so I reminded him like two times that night before. I was like, hey, make sure, you know, before you leave for work, you got to move your car. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I'll move it. That morning of, I wake up early.

Same thing. I said, hey, why don't you go move your car so you don't get tow? Because he didn't start work until about nine. And I try waking him up. And he's like, oh, I'll get it. And so I actually called him too. And I texted him and then I was like, just reminding you like, move your car. Here it comes.

You got to do it. Two hours later, what happens? I get a phone call. Oh, my car is missing. Surprise Pikachu face. I was like, I tried telling you, well, I didn't, I didn't wake up. You should have tried harder to wake me up. What do you try harder?

Why is this my fault? You literally did everything you could. It's 100% your fault. He was such an asshole. Yeah. And I was like, okay, well, it's not my fault. So I don't know what you want me to do. Well, you need to come back here and help me out.

I'm like, I'm 30 minutes away. And I'm still, you know, fairly new at this job. So this was like... You're like, no, you're an adult. Figure it out. Well, again, trying to be a good girlfriend and be the good little people pleaser I was. I was like, okay, let me try and see if I can come help you. sort of frowned upon at work, but they're like, I was like, this is kind of an emergency.

Like, he's making it sound like one. They're like, okay, like, yeah, you can go. And so I go. We go to the city building where, like, there wasn't always a way to tell, like, which towing company took your car, but you'd have to go to the city building, sort of public safety building or something to try and figure out, like, oh, if it was on the street, then this company he probably towed it sort of thing. So we go there and we're trying to get like figure out his car.

Well, they're like, oh, yeah, you're not going to get your car back. You have a warrant. For what? And I was like, you have a warrant and he just looked, labragasted like a warrant. He's like, what's a warrant? Pretty much. Oh, my God. And, um.

He's like, what's a warrant? He's like, homie. I, I've never heard of such a thing. It was probably you. Yeah, I'm sure. He's like, it's your fault. You can tell me I had a warrant. Pretty much.

Well, he tells me that the warrant is because of some speeding ticket, something that just didn't really make sense why it would be a warrant and why they would keep his car. And just keep that in mind that he tells me. I'll eventually get to what happened with what the warrant was. But just keep in mind,

he does not have this car because of this, this parking ticket now that he has to fight. So now I'm the only one with the car. And from the entire duration of the rest of our relationship, I was the only one driving. So between the two of us now, it's just my car, which means I was now responsible

for driving him to and from work. But you have to get there early. But he worked in the opposite direction of my job about 20 minutes the opposite way. So that meant I would have to get up even earlier. I'd have to make sure he was awake and ready. And then I would have to drive out of my 20 minutes the opposite direction to take him to work. And then now drive 50 minutes to my job.

And in order for me to do that, I had to start working later. And because if you came in later, you had to stay later sort of thing. Yeah. And so now I'm not only am I getting up earlier, I'm staying later for work. And it was exhausting. And so this whole... Because now you're a fucking taxi soccer mom.

Yeah. I honestly, I felt like his mom. And it was just so embarrassing to me. I don't know if that's the right word, but it was just... I felt... I get it. They called the ick now, I guess.

Yeah, it's icky feeling, but don't blame yourself. Just because the reasoning and everything, like, I wasn't sure why it didn't make sense. it just seemed off to me. And this is all within the first week of us moving in together. This happens. Wow. Yeah.

Oh, geez. So, yeah, that first money when we moved in together, Homeboy loses his car. So we need to hit up Ashton Coucher because dude lost his car, you know? And we don't know nothing about the warrant. Yeah, still, no, we're not doing this. That's just saying it's the ticket thing. It's just a ticket.

Oh, it's just this ticket. I don't know. What happened to my car? I don't know what's the ticket. Not my fault. I got to fight it. I don't know, but you got to drag me. So that first week, I'm driving him. It's like, you know, it ended up just being a real crappy week with all that. But, you know, for better lack of words, I was a ride or die. So, and I didn't complain about it. I did what I

could. And so that Friday, we're having some drinks at our apartment. And he, for whatever reason, he decides to get me pretty drunk. And so we were like laughing. We're like talking. We're like talking about the absurdity of the whole thing. And now I'm like pretty buzzed because he keeps like just like pouring vodka into my drink. And I'm like, okay. That's kind of weird, but like, whatever, I can handle it. It's fine if you want to get

a little fucked up, I guess. But then I he lays it on me. Like he just breaks down a little bit and was like, I have something I need to tell you. What is it? Oh, God. He goes. Hannah's face. He goes, he said, I have throat cancer.

I had it before. Yes, he was like, I have throat cancer. And I just went back to the doctor. I have about six months to live. We had and I just looked at each other. Like, what the fuck? That is not where I thought you were going to go. Same.

He had it before a couple years ago, and he only had a 27% chance of living. And that he bought it. He was dating a girl. at the time that left him in the dust, just out cheating on him. Well, he was low on the ground. Oh, really, nearly while he's beating me on. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I just, I was just beside myself, and I'm really drunk. So I, and my head is just literally spinning, and I'm sitting there, and I'm like, what do you

mean you have six months to live? And he was, like, upset, but he kind of seemed a little bit matter of fact about it. And I was like, what I don't understand? And he's, I'm like, six months to live. Like, like, what do you do? What am I supposed to do? Like, what can I help you with? Like, like, can I talk to, like, he's like, oh, no, just, I just, you know, I just wanted you to know, like, but it's back. It's really bad. And so I'm going to be going, like, through treatment and stuff. But don't worry. Like, I'm like, but you don't have a car. How am I going to take you? It's like, oh, don't worry. Like, my parents are going to take me. We'll get through this together and we'll make the most of our time. Like, like, don't worry.

I'm, I'm devastated. Are you just like, yeah, are you a mess? Yeah. I'd be a mess. Beyond. And I'm like, and I'm, like, and I'm, like, and I'm, are thinking, go figure I meet this perfect guy despite all the red flags for me. And he's going to die. Like, that would be my luck that I move away and then I meet you. But then I mostly just was just in shock and just so, so devastated. I'm crying. And he was like, I don't want you to tell anyone about it right now just yet.

Just like sit with it for a minute. And I had met some of his friends at this point. And he was like, like when we hang out with my friends, Like, do not bring it up to them. Like, why? He goes, because this is just not something I want to talk about. I'm really sensitive about it. Like, they've been through this before.

So, like, you want to be like in your mind and your belly screaming. Like, yeah, right. But also, like, if he is telling the truth, you don't want to be that. Yeah, you feel bad. Right. You want to be that guy. And you don't want to question that. And it's just like, how do you question such a serious thing?

And he was okay with me telling my circle after a little bit because I was struggling. So I'm crying every single day. I go to work and everyone's like, are you okay? And I'm not good at hiding my expressions. Showing up every day, I was just a mess. And they're like, what's wrong? And I'm like, I found out my boyfriend has cancer. And everyone there was like, oh, my goodness, what can we do for you?

And so I'm just like hardly sleeping. And I'm still taking him to work at this point. And so now, like, we're moving into April, May. And I'm just, like, I felt. like I was going just through the motions of life where I just felt like I was in a haze and you know that

Zoloft commercial with the little dude who has the cloud over his head. Yes. I felt like the little Zoloft guy. Oh no. And I just had this like little cloud of sadness just like constantly over my head where I felt like if I laughed at something and I'd be like oh no, why am I laughing my boyfriend's dying?

And so then I finally got the okay, like I put it on my Facebook. I had people reaching out to me like, hey, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I lost a parent or a friend or someone to cancer. If you need someone to talk to, please talk to me. And all this time, though, like he doesn't seem to get sick, really. So he's saying he's done all these things, but he doesn't lose his hair. He doesn't, like, lose any weight. But he had an answer for everything, though. He had an answer for everything. The doctor's names. And I look these up, the doctor, the hospital, everything, he had an answer for all of it. Okay, real talk. It's the beginning of the month. We've all been there where we feel like

we're just burning cash with those rent checks. And it's kind of frustrating, right? But here's the deal. Built rewards has figured out a way to make rent more rewarding. So you can say goodbye to the money bonfire and say hello to a renter's revolution with built. Built is really cool. When I heard about it, I was like, how has this not been happening? So built is like breaking ground as a neighborhood rewards program that hooks you up with points on your rent. So every month you pay your rent and then you get built points. And you can use those points to jet off on a dream vacation or you put your points towards a flight or a hotel stay. They have 500 plus airlines and 700,000 plus hotels and properties associated.

You can also use your points to book fitness studio classes. or redeem them toward a future rent payment, they're just designed to meet your lifestyle. And as a renter in Los Angeles, this is game-changing. So you can pay your rent hassle-free through Built Rewards app. They have an app. We love it. Make it easy. And your rent game just got a major upgrade. Built points have been consistently ranked the highest value point currency by the points guy and bank rate. And I don't personally always know what the right choices are for my finances and I feel like I always just go to reviews and do a lot of deep dive research and this has consistently high results in that department. So you should try it. Earn points by paying

rent right now when you go to joinbuilt.com slash TDD. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T-D-D. And make sure to use our URL so they know we sent to you. JoinBilt.com. slash TDD to start earning points with your rent payments today. And all of that info will be in the show notes. Throughout this time, though, he starts to pull away from me a lot to the point where I don't even know who this person is anymore because he becomes super, super withdrawn. So like, okay, naturally, he's going through something really scary. So all he did at this point was, like, when he was homeless, he would just play video games.

And I would try to sit with him and, like, talk to him. and if I tried to give him a hug or sit by him on the couch, he would physically throw me off of him. Oh my God. And he would kind of just do these little things like that that I could tell were like a form of punishment. So I would take him to work, and he would just always be in a bad mood.

And so I'd like have a good day, and I would try and give him a little kiss goodbye, and he would just get out of the car. And I would let that... He wanted you to know I'm mad at you. And it wouldn't even always that he'd be mad at me. He or apparent or something, And he just didn't want to do that.

And I never understood why I'm like, don't you want to lean on me? Like, I'm here for you. Like, I want to support you however I can. Yeah, you're really sticking by him. Absolutely. And I was like, okay, well, I don't know what to do in the situation. I've never been in this before. But let me do what I can to make your life easier.

And instead of him being receptive to it, it made him meaner. And I'm like, how can you go from doting on me and being super loved? and being so sweet to me, and now he doesn't even want to look at me and can't even give me a little tiny sense of affectionate. Like, I'm very much like an affectionate person, and he was at first. And now, now he's just like, anything, he would just push me away from him. He sent him on these weird errands where he would make these meals that would require these really specific ingredients. And so he would have me get these ingredients. And if I came home with the wrong one, he would laugh maniacally and be like, I sent me.

you to get that just to see if you even could figure out what that was. Oh my god. He's an awful, awful man. He's a sadist. Yeah, pretty much. So he's doing all of that. And not only is he not talking to me, he won't let me go near him. Now he's trying to make me look stupid.

And anytime I would try to question, because people would ask me questions and I couldn't answer them. And not a lot of people really questioned all of this, but like, they were kind of like, hey, how come you don't know this? How come you don't have these answers? And I'm like, he won't tell me them. Well, why won't he tell you them? I don't know.

So I would start to ask him about this. So I would come home and I'm just like, hey, what about this and this? And he, again, I don't have an answer for anything. But if I probed it all or I was like, it just kind of just seems weird, this man would suddenly collapse on the floor. And stop breathing. What? And so. That sounds like the Munchausen.

Yeah. Where he, like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But in that moment, I was just like, what the fuck? And he would collapse in the ground. And I would start, like, kind of, like, freaking out. Because he would, like, seem like he was kind of having a seizure.

Yeah. And I'm just panicking. And so I'm about to grab my phone and call 911 when all, every single time, he would just, just start breathing again and come to. He wanted you to panic for him in that moment. But he was okay. He didn't want to go to the hospital. I never made any sense to me. And so through all of this, I brought him home that summer because I was in a wedding from one of my friends.

So I bring him home with me. And he's drinking and keep him this whole time that we're together, he's still drinking these steel reserves like every day. So this man is like putting on a ton of weight. And I take him to this wedding. And again, I've told everyone at this point that he's sick and everything else. And so everyone's kind of like tiptoeing around it a little bit. Yeah. He's talking about all his stories.

He had these really elaborate stories. And my family doesn't dislike him, but they just thought something was off about him. And I remember one night we're out at a bar, and my friends were like that, I'm surprised he's here. He doesn't really seem that sick. I'm surprised he's drinking. Isn't he not supposed to with all those meds?

Like, isn't that bad? Yeah, I don't think you drink on chemo at all. I don't, I feel like you're not, I feel like that's probably not a good idea. And so my sister went up to him, and I found this out later, but, I saw, I see her talk to him. It kind of looks like they have a slight altercation.

Like, she gets kind of loud. I see the hand gestures. My sister storms off. And she pulls me aside and she's like, I just told him that I'm on to him. I don't know what it is, but she's like, you need to be careful because he's up to something, I think. Oh. She was like, I don't know what his game is, but I don't like him. And I don't think he's being honest.

How did you respond to that? Did you? I got defensive. because she's not there on the day to day. Yeah. And I'm like, you guys don't understand. Like, I'm trying to do what I can to make his life easier. And if he wants to party and if he doesn't have that much lived, then so fucking be it.

Like, who might have stopped? He's a grown man. He's, he, like, I love him. Yeah, I was like, I love him. I'm here to support him. And yes, like, this isn't perfect. But I'm trying to do the best I can. And again, I was so isolated at this point that, like, you could tell me the sky was green.

and I would have no idea if it was or not. I hope you know that this is so common. Yeah. So many people in whatever situation of manipulation respond that way at first. You know, they take advantage of all those wonderful things that make you a great partner. It's the worst. Absolutely. And I've learned to in those situations, the things that they say they love most about you

becomes the point of contention for them. Yes. I love how supportive of you are, but quit asking me questions. I don't want to spend time with you. You need to leave me alone. And so I started to spend some time with my friends and I started to get closer to other people. And again, you know, I am just on autopilot at this point because I'm gone all the time. Like, you know, between my job being his chauffeur and just trying to get through the day, I didn't have energy at the end of the day to fight with him or ask questions because I was exhausted. And it was just easier to stay in the bubble of sadness and be the little Zoloft guy than it was to try and do anything else. And we end up that summer, we get a dog. I had started listening to podcasts to try and understand, like, how to be a better person for when someone is sick. And one of the things that said was having pets is a good way to help with that. So we have this dog.

We're doing all these things. And I'm just trying to get through the day. And so in between all that, I'm starting to find like little weird inconsistencies with something that he would tell me. And then it kind of really didn't make sense later, why it didn't make sense. So here's an example. He had told me that he spoke four languages, right? Yeah. Mandarin was one of them.

And so we were going to order Chinese food from this restaurant. And I was like, oh, like, that would be really cool if you ordered, like, in their language. I mean, you said you're fluent in it. Like, maybe they might really like it and appreciate someone speaking. their language. Like, that would be super cool if you did. And he was like, yeah, no. Of course. Yeah. Of course he did. I was like, okay, but you can't speak this language that you have this restaurant. I'm going to call. Right? He goes, yeah. I was like, I thought it would be respectful to someone else to try and speak their language. And I never heard him do it either. So I'm just like,

you said, you know what? Here's a perfect opportunity. Yeah, I'll speak the language if you leave the apartment. I was like, what? He was like, yeah, you have to go outside if I'm going to do it. I'm like, this isn't a fire drill. Like, it's not also, you're not selling secrets. Yeah, exactly. Do it. I'm like, you're ordering. We know why you can't do it in front of you. But you're, you're just like ordering dumplings and sweet and sour chicken and some rice. Like, okay. But he got so weird about that. I was like, okay, I guess maybe not. So in this time, I'm trying to be a good girlfriend, trying to work. I make a go-fund-me for him for his car, because he still does not have a car, keep in mind.

And all these months going on. And so I make a go-go-fund-me trying to raise money to get him a car. That's like a fundraising website campaign, if anyone doesn't know, Go-fund me. And so, luckily, only like two people donate to it because I kind of felt weird. But again, you know, I was desperate for him to have some sense of normalcy. And I was like, I will do whatever I can to try and help you however I can. And when that happens, he pulls me aside one day. And he's like, I hate to tell you this, but my cancer is spreading.

What? It's in my brain now. And I was like, Get over here. Finish him. Oh, my God. And I was just like, it's in your brain now. He was like, yeah, it's starting to get really bad.

And so I just want to let you know that now I'm going to be home all day because I'm on medical leave. So at one point, I'm just, I'm terrified. And then I'm like, okay, now I don't have to take him to work anymore. So it was like, I felt bad for being slightly relieved in some ways. But you're exhausted. Beyond. I was just beyond exhausted. Because this had been going on, let's see, since March.

And this was now like June. Wow. Okay, so does he say that he's going to die? Yeah, and so throughout all of this, I got to know his best friend Tommy. And the reason I got to know him a little bit is because in the field that I worked in was a field that he was about to graduate from. And I was in a position where I could help him get a job. And so I was just like, oh, hey, like, give me your email address. And when things come up, when you graduate, I can start sending you jobs.

he was like, oh, yeah, yeah, sure, cool. And I had seen his friends a few times and at this point, too, and they'd come over to the apartment and hang out. And again, you know, no mention of cancer at all. So I just decided to say, fuck it. I'm going to tell him. So I emailed his friend, and I was just like, hey, just, you know, want to keep you updated.

I hope you don't mind me saying this or if it seems confusing to you, but just wanted to reach out, let you know that Zach has cancer. He told me not to say anything to you, but since you're his best friend, I really think it's important for you to come by and spend time with him. Like, he's both on medical leave now. He's really down. He's not in a good place. And I'm sorry if I'm bringing this on you, but I don't really have anyone that knows him that I can be supportive with.

And I just really think it would be good for you to come by and have someone. So I sent him that email. I get home from work that day. And at this point, I have learned that the routine that I need to do, when I get home would be to not talk to him and I have to go out in our bedroom if I want to do anything because he camped out in the living room all the time like to the point where he was sleeping in there because he just refused to be around me at a lot of ways and I go into my bedroom and I do P90X on my laptop because that was the big thing back then and then my email pings and

Tommy response. And he says, hey, thanks for the updates on everything, but I hate to tell you this. But have you considered looking in his throat to see if it's there? I advise you to question it because he has lied about having cancer before. Oh. A few times, in fact, when he sent me that, I just stopped. it felt like the wind got knocked out of me and all the air in the room got sucked up into the computer screen.

I felt absolutely sick to my stomach when I read this. And I respond back and I'm just in disbelief. And I was like, hey, can you call me? So I go outside and I talk to him and he's like, yes, he's lied about it. He's probably not sick. I actually used to live with him. And he lied about having cancer because he stopped paying rent. And I was going to ask you, has he been paying anything this whole time?

No. No, of course not. And so. Did he ever pay for the couch? So I'm getting to that. I was like, how come you guys, if you knew he was kind of like this, I want you say anything to me? And he said, oh, we thought you knew.

We thought I knew he was lying about this. Why would you think I know? What? I hate it. I hate it. And so I was like, he told me. Why are they friends with him? I know.

I don't know. And so I just feel ill. And he was like, well, he's definitely lying to you. I was like, he said he was in the middle of hair and all this stuff. And he starts laughing. He's like, no, he was not in any of that. So. Oh, my God.

He was in the Air Force for a week. Oh, that is so, I hate, it's so disrespectful. Yes. It's disgusting. So, being an investigator, I decide I need to verify through some other sources to make sure that they are backing up that this is a lie. because I don't know his friend either, so I need to try and figure something out. Probably, yeah, at this point, you're like, I don't trust anyone. I don't trust anyone at this point.

Trust no one, not even yourself. And so when he goes to sleep, I go through his phone and I find his mom's email address. I would say that this is a very appropriate time to go through the phone. Yes, I have never gone through someone's phone before. People don't like it, but I think right now. Right, at this point, I was just trying to get answers because he just would not let me have any contact with anybody. And so I email his mom. I basically said the same thing I told Tommy.

And she responds back to me that next morning. Basically saying the same thing. Yes, he's lied about having cancer. You seem like a really sweet girl. Like, I'm so sorry, but wait, please call me. I'm devastated. His mom? Yes, his mom. Finally, the mom actually is willing to tell the truth.

Sometimes the mom would be like, no, not my baby. Right. Oh, yeah. No, I've dealt with those moms too. So I got on the phone with her. She was like, I'm so sorry. I thought he was better. he's lied before we don't know why he does this.

But you seem like a really sweet kind girl and I was just hoping that he was better but I guess he's not. I'm so sorry and we can come get him basically and so is that why he didn't want you to meet them? Because they were going to be like our son's a lot. Yeah, and the friends too.

Yeah. So the reason he didn't want you to meet them is because they were good people. Yeah. And he wasn't. He was trying to maintain his life. Yeah, basically with everything about him. So I verify that and I remember I, as I mentioned, I'm not very close with my family, but this was one of those moments where I didn't really know who to turn to. So I call my dad. And I just remember calling him and just being very distraught. And I explain the situation where I, you know, I'm in shock right now. I'm going to get him out of there. But one of the few times my dad has raised his voice at me in fear. He's just like, you need to get him out today. Today. Get him out today. And that was a Friday. And so I come home from work, and he's playing video games, of course.

And I just start looking around cabinets. And he's like, what are you looking for? I was like, um, your medication. He's like, why? I was like, well, you know, I'm just trying to make sure that you have it and everything's good to go. And he's like, well, and I had never really understood the phrase sweating bullets before until this moment. He was just sweating profusely. And he goes, I dumped them.

Why did you dump them? Because I don't need them anymore. Why don't you need them anymore? Because they're not working because, well, now it's everywhere. And I just stopped him and I said, cut the shit sack. I know you're fucking lying. I know you're not fucking sick. So what the fuck do you have to say to you for yourself?

And he's like, what do you want me to say that I'm higher? Oh my God. Yeah. Actually, I do. And I don't know anything about dealing with people that are crazy. that way, like how he's going to respond. So it's probably not super safe that I was by myself confronting this band that I was in. Yeah, I'm glad you're okay.

Yeah. So in hindsight, you know, definitely for anyone listening, if you're going to confront someone with the hard facts, they're lying, please don't be alone. Because thankfully, he didn't do anything to me. He's just like, I don't know. And I'm like, why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? And he had no reason for it. He did not speak a lower four languages. No, he never had a purple heart. No, he never went to Japan. No. The only thing he didn't lie about was his name and the fact that he was a good cook. Those were the only two truths.

Did he ever have a job? The things that matter. Oh, okay, yeah. So to that point, he did have a job. Well, in my investigating, I had one of my coworkers call his work looking for him. Oh, we let him go months ago. That's why he was home on medical leave, quote unquote. Yeah. So he had no car, no job, nothing. Like I was... Nothing. I got hobosexual by this guy. I got hobosexual. Uh-huh. Say what that means in case anyone's not sure. All right.

A homosexual is someone is a bum, basically, who uses you for housing. Mm-hmm. And that was a Friday. And, you know, after I confronted him, I ended up taking, in the whole week and before I kicked him out. Because I, he laid on the trauma bond as soon as we had this conversation. And it was, you know, I'm a little. I guess embarrassed to say that there was a part of me that I really I wanted to make it work it was it was look look we can get through this if we can get through this rough patch like he goes

you know I'm really sorry and you know this whole time he's been neglecting me emotionally physically everything where he wouldn't even give me a hug he wouldn't even let me cuddle up on him on the couch he would physically push me away from him yeah and so all of the sudden now Now he's wanting to cuddle with me. Now I want to have sex with you. And now I want to kiss you. Now I want to hold your hand. Now I want to walk the dog with you.

Now I want to give you the whole world. And I'm like, where the fuck was this this whole time? I can't take your embarrassment away. I just so badly want to reach you the screen and be like, don't be embarrassed. Yeah. That makes so much sense to me. But I was still just like in shock, I think. the fact that why did I ignore my gut this whole time?

Why did I abandon myself so much? And I was just in this deep turmoil of this isn't real. Like there's no way he would manipulate and betray me and just sit there and watch me be in so much pain for no reason. Why? Why would he do this? He's got everything he wants. He has me where he wants me. And, you know, I was just really grappling with.

that and knowing that it wasn't right for me to, for him to stay there, but I had never kicked someone out of that. I was going to say, were you scared physically? He's bigger than you. Yeah, yeah, he was a lot bigger than me. And so I remember, like, when I came home from work Monday, I was just like, you need to be gone. Like, I'm going to leave and you need to not be here when I get back. I was like, you're not living here anymore. Like, you're done living here. and I think I went to a friend's house for my parents and I was like you have until you know tomorrow morning like when I I'm going to stay over here tonight when I'm back here for after work tomorrow you cannot be here and if you're here I'm calling the police like you need to get the fuck out of my apartment this is my apartment everything is in my name so you need to go it was hard and so I'm nervous because I and I come home from work the next day thing like is he out of here because at that point you know he had been staying home because he had been staying home because he because he's on medical leave, aka he had really just gotten fired from his job. So he was just staying home and playing video games all day.

And that's what I was used to coming home to. And so I was nervous that I was going to come back and he's just going to be sitting on the couch, playing video games. And so I came home and everything was gone. Everything except for the couch. How kind of him and generous that he let me keep this couch that he had told me that he had paid off on the credit card that he made me open for this furniture store to get it. And, you know, after I kicked him out is when his, the house of cards really fell in terms of just how much financial deceit I was experiencing from him.

And so when I came back, everything's gone except for the couch in my bed, but he took literally everything else. But even the fucking lamps. And those were my lamps. He took the lamps and he left this note on the table, which I have since burned years ago, but he left me this note. The letter was saying, I know you've probably moved on by now. And even though I kicked him out like the day before, you moved on. What the heck?

And so he said, I know that you've probably moved on already. I have experienced the darkest of darkness, the lowest. of lows and the highest of highs in life and just a lot of nonsense and he I remember he ended the letter with a quote from Miley Cyrus. He's like, I came in like a wrecking ball.

Girl, this drama queen. It was fucking bananas. That's bananas. Good way to put it. And so when I get that letter, you know, I'm like, all right, this dramatic asshole. That is when I start to find out the cracks in the facade of just how much shit I was in financially because he had been hiding my mail and he had been saying that he was paying all these bills. He had access to all the electric

bill, the gas, the internet, everything. And oh my God, I was in about $2,000 a debt by that point. He about had all my stuff turned off because he wasn't paying for anything. And then I find the bill for the couch. He didn't pay a fucking dime on that. You know, I wonder if the timing really worked for him, where it's like the reason he left so freely is because he was like, well, pretty soon she's going to realize that I'm not paying for the lighting bill. So might as well get out.

I looked at my credit score. He destroyed my credit. Absolutely. It took years for my credit to build back up. What do you do in this situation? I wish there was a way to, like, to hold something. someone like this accountable. Yeah, I know. Well, so I find out. So what happened with his car was the reason why he had that warrant, because I went through all the mail that he left, he, and

I was still getting some of his mail after he moved, he never, he had a car and he stopped making payments on it. Sure. So they were like, oh, this guy hasn't paid for this car in a year and a half. We're going to keep it. Yeah. Okay. Wow. So, shocker. Shocker. So then that happens. And again, I find out everything he told me was a lie. I put it on Facebook. And I have not gotten that much feedback, not even on a birthday. Well, yeah, it's juicy.

Everybody be posted happy birthday. Pretty much. And then, you know, I and I just like apologize to everyone. I was like, I'm really sorry for those who actually did go through this and who have experienced it. And it just really makes me feel ill. Like, the fact that he used cancer as that example, because I actually just recently lost my stepdad to small cell lung cancer in January. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I mean, it's not okay, but like, to see someone actually go through that and on the actual stress of watching someone you love and my stepdad was one of the most wonderful men in the world and I miss him to use something so powerfully influential and devastating as like a non-shundered. a lot way to avoid reality. He traumatized. He really did. And I felt stupid, honestly. And I know.

How common is that? Yeah. How do you know? And people will be like, well, how did you not know? How did this? I was like, because I was the perfect, I was the perfect victim. I was not from the area. I was brand new.

I, I was young. I was very young. I was extremely naive. And, you know, I tried to see the good in people. I tried to put myself in their shoes. We should be asking. why would he do that? Why didn't you know?

I think he did that because he has demons that I will never understand. And maybe, to your point, maybe he has Monkhausen. And I don't know because I think Munchausen can be more you are actually making yourself sick. Okay, that's a good point. This sounds like he was like, because the thing with the military lying is not sickness. That's another example of disrespectful. Right. disgusting lying.

And people are just like, how did you believe it? Well, the man is bawling his eyes out crying about his platoon blowing up in front of him. Who lies about that? Did he go to Juilliard? I mean, you're a good actor. Well, I mean, who knows? Oh, and the other thing, too, so about his job. I mean, yes, he got to let go.

And so he told me he made this very specific an amount of money every two weeks, right? Which would probably be around like 85 grand a year or so. I found one of his pay stubs that he hid. He was making $10 an hour. Oh, that's not $2,400 a week or whatever. No. Yeah. So I was like, okay, again, all things I would have been fine with had he been honest with from the beginning. And I just felt like such a chump because he led me dry in every sense of the word.

And I just felt I just became a shell of myself for no reason. I was like he made me so he turned me into the Zoloft guy for no fucking reason other than he was a bum who just needed somewhere to go that that's so sorry

thank you it took me a long time to to really process that and I wish and I also wanted to say too that part of the reason why I wanted to come on here is because it's so important that when you go through something like this that you allow yourself the time to process

because I didn't. I jumped into a relationship immediately after that, and I did that for years, and I ended up in two more really awful manipulative relationships with people. And because I never just sat with my feelings on what I went through, and, you know, mental health wasn't really a thing back then and couldn't afford therapy. And so I just did what I grew up with, which is something bad happens, we brushed it under the rub, we keep moving, we don't talk about it, we just act like it doesn't exist. Ugh, I'm so, I get it. And to the point that when I came across your guys' podcast, it just really resonated with

me because having a community is so important, and I didn't have that in the ways that I needed. So thank you so much for allowing us the space to talk about this stuff, because it's one of those things where people are like, how could you have fallen for that? Like, I would have never fallen for it. Yeah, well, the minute you think you won't fall for it, is the minute you become the most susceptible. We're all susceptible. Yes.

And I am so, you're so, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing because you're helping other people. Yeah. Thank you so much. We're so grateful for you and for sharing. And there's just, I think, just the way that people are going to connect with you, I just thank you so much. And I hope that you don't feel stupid now.

I hope that you know that this is not a you thing. Like this is a, this fella is ridiculous. Yes. He is a piece of work. Yes. And just too, like, I mean, this might sound kind of like a buzzword thing, but like healing really is a journey and it's not a destination. It's something that it's an everyday process.

And I just want to say that to anyone who's gone through this, you are enough. Your feelings are valid. You deserve respect and I'm here with you and I love you. Yes, and we love you. Thank you so much, Alana. We're so grateful for you. I want a hug. I know, right?

Gallo we'd be there. Sorry for that, but. It's an air hug. It's my fault. I freaking got waterworks over here. Thank you so much. I appreciate it, guys. Thank you so much.

I love her. There's so much to take away here. There's so much that I related to with her. And also, remember we were talking in the beginning? We were saying, what's your favorite quote? Was she not full of the absolute best like isms? The best isms, Alana isms. I mean, where do you want to start with our dogfish debrief?

There's so much. so many people will relate to her. First of all, can't, is it, is it possible? This is not Munchausen syndrome. Is it syndrome? Because this guy was totally just a liar. Like he was just a big bad liar. Well, I wasn't sure.

I mean, I think I said at first, I was like, it's not Munchausen. And then later I was like, well, I remember Andrea Dunlop, who has been a guest and has the podcast, nobody should believe me, which you should all listen to. And has a lot of experience with Munchausen's, his sister had it. It's a whole thing. but she was saying that people with Montauzeans are pathological liars in like other departments, not just health. But I don't think, I don't know, he never made himself sick. He had like good excuses where he was trying to, he needed an excuse for why he was going to

lose his job and be home all the time. Like, and why he couldn't pay rent. So I don't even think it matters whether or not it was a diagnosed thing. That's called being like manipulative and lazy instead of getting a fucking job. Oh my God. he was just the most manipulative, awful, like financially abusive. Yes, he's absolutely abusive. I mean, just taking so much advantage of her. I mean, let's, okay, so yes, he took, he put all the money in her name when they got the

apartment together and he like convinced he was so nice to her anytime he needed something. And then he would like go up and down. I think we need to, let's go all the way back to like her. talking about where she was when she came into this relationship because I think it's really easy and we talk about this and everybody like check yourself to be like, why would you stay? Why would you put up with that? And that's like the question that we really should not be asking because it's like, why do people do this is the question we should be asking. And also, well, that's, her beginning is kind of what I relate to the most. Like when she talks about like being the girl that got snuck out the back door because she was bigger, that was me. That was me. And then you,

you feel very shameful. It makes you feel unlovable and you just kind of feel like that this is what I deserve, I guess. Because sometimes we often, we allow others to show us what our value is when we should really be showing them what our value is. But we allow others based on how they treat us. We use that as like a standard for how we should be treated. So when someone treats you poorly, you're like, well, I guess this is the standard. Like I guess this is, you know. It lowers your. Yes. bar of what you should accept. You should accept to deserve. So when you feel that way and someone comes into your life that is manipulative, you don't see it right away. And sometimes you feel, maybe you do see it. But it's like, well, this is my standard. When your standard is like that because you feel unlovable,

that's horrible. I've been there. I get it. And I think it starts really young. I can think of like, of course, rejection's a part of life. But like, you really internalize the way people reject you. There's a difference between respect and absolute disregard for your feelings as a human. And I don't know how to help young people because adults, I know, like, we can be like, all right, we got you. Like, let's talk about therapy. Let's talk about resources to help you recognize your worth. But when you're 20, how old was she 22, living in a new place completely isolated?

And that's still really. really young. Like that is still really, really young. Yeah, it's like you're barely getting through the day in a lot of those, those years. And that's not to say that you're like depressed necessarily. It's just like life beats you down. Yeah. You're absolutely right. I just wish we could hug every like 21, 22 year old and be like, stay single. But I'm going to my, I think my biggest takeaway for her whole story was when she talks about putting, when she says I had to put myself first and I had to choose my myself, that I just felt like that was so eureka. Do you know what I mean? Like so many of us don't because like she said, like Alani even said like you know like that's a very lonely place to

choose yourself, right? And so you nobody wants to be lonely. Like nobody wants to feel alone. But you have to like if you're going to choose yourself, you have to be willing to do it alone. And then the right people will come along because now you're setting the standard for how others will be allowed to treat you instead of others setting that standard for you. Yes. I really feel like she did the hard thing, which was ultimately the right thing. You know, they say stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone. And that's basically what she did.

She stood up for herself alone. And then now the right people, you know, can come along and she can set that standard. And here's the thing I think we have to remember, and I'm pulling from literally my own therapy right now because she's been trying to get me to be comfortable sitting in the uncomfortable, Cherie. She's so good and it's annoying. When we choose ourselves and when we are alone or putting ourselves first and whatever that looks like, it's not like sunshine and rainbows right away. Like she talked about, she kind of did that at the beginning. She moved to this place and she was like, I was getting tired of eating dinner alone and like trying to make friends.

And it's like we have to go into that choice expecting there to be growing pains because I think that it's easy to be like, oh, this is going to be great. Like, I'm finally independent. And then it's not for a while. And then that's like where you maybe dip into being like, I can't do this anymore. I need to like get back into the patterns that made me feel comfortable. And it's like, if we can empower anybody not only to choose yourself, but also to sit in the discomfort of what that looks like, that's like level two. I think let's like remind ourselves that it's okay that it's It's okay that it's like going to take a long time and you might not feel good. But we can handle that. We've felt bad before. You know how they talk about in job interviews? Like my mom was in HR for a

thousand years. And so she says that when you interview someone, like for a job interview, whatever, and you're asking them the questions. And then you just kind of look at them and don't ask them any more questions. People have a tendency to want to fill that that voice, to fill that space. And so then they'll just start talking. And then because they're uncomfortable, when really you're not the one leading the interview. Let the employer do it. Do you know what I mean? So when you're just be confident in sitting there and knowing that you've answered those questions and just be ready for the next question when it comes along. But be okay. Just sitting there and, you know, smiling and just waiting for the next question and just being okay, being there in that side. Even like check in be like, oh my gosh,

I'm sitting alone and I wish I was with someone and I feel really bad. How great that I'm getting some growing pains. Like that pain is moving me in the direction that I need to go. Like just like be grateful for those feelings because they could be, you could be numb to the effects of a shitty, shitty dogfish like this guy. You know what I mean? Yep. We got to be grateful for the ups and downs. But it's true that like you, whenever you sit there in this island,

that's what builds your ultimate confidence. If you can sit there and not fill that space and just sit there in your own discomfort, how confident does that make you like, wow, I really just got through that. myself and I didn't have to go back to that discomfort like I'm fine and I'm growing and that like you said that's really cool and ways to do it is like community meet people try to just do something that distracts you like there's call like listen to us come to our Patreon live we'll hang out with you hashtag choose yourself alana choose your freaking self okay so then once you've chosen yourself and you're feeling better and you want to get back out in the dating world what can we take away from

the story in terms of protecting ourselves when we are in the early stages of relationship because I think love bombing was a huge part of this. He was like, love bombing is, well, that's what's tricky about love bombing is that everyone wants someone to say the nice things and do the nice things. But love bombing is a red flag because it's almost like overcompensation. Like this is too much. Like at some point you have to say, okay, what are you getting from this? Like, what does this person getting from this love bombing?

Do you know what I mean? And then it's like, then you really have to start questioning. So that's really difficult. I think the fact that he didn't want her to meet his parents or his. And also even when he was talking to, she met his friends, but he had restrictions. Like he was like, don't talk about this. Red flag. Don't talk about my cancer.

Okay, Bella. Oh, yeah. The cancer. That was the whole thing. Oh, my God. Imagine. Yeah. There were some definite, like, conditions to his.

I didn't like it. That's a total red flag. Like, you should be able to be yourself. Like, if you don't mention my cancer, it's just so red flag central. That's definite red flag. On our other episode where someone, the Munchaus an episode, that was a, okay, if anyone tells you they have cancer, first of all, I'm really, really sorry. But also, it's not just your burden to bear. Like, you got it. They got to let you share that. She mentioned mirroring on the first date, which was like her getting vulnerable made him kind of match that. And then he kind of manipulated the information he was getting so that he could meet her unmet needs, as we've discussed before. Which is how we become victims in some situations. Do you remember when we spoke to somebody

from another podcast? I don't think it's out yet, but it's going to be good. Just tease. This podcaster said, I don't think you should share if you've had a divorce in the past or if you've gone through something big, like, don't bring that up on the first date. And you and I were kind of like, are you sure? Like, we weren't sure if we agreed. This was a good example for me of like why you don't open up too soon. And it's not to say that you don't like hide who you are, but just like not letting all the walls down until you trust them more. It does actually make sense to me. It does. And I could see, like, I could see how someone says, no, I, like I'm someone who's like, listen, you're going to know everything. And if you don't like it, then I'm not wasting my time on a second.

But I do understand that by opening up in that way, you are kind of sharing those potential or what someone could perceive unmet needs that someone could try to manipulate. So I kind of, I kind of see it. One else. I wrote down financial abuse. I don't even know. Like, you guys all heard it. It was just disgusting the way he made her handle everything.

And she was young. And of course, when you're young, I feel like, well, and most of us, I mean, generally speaking, a lot or most of us really want to kind of help someone. Like, we want to be that hero for someone, right? Especially if you're- Especially if someone you love is dying of cancer. Yeah. Yes. Especially if they're dying of cancer and you want to show them that you support them and all that. And then it's, yeah, it's tough. And then he lied about his military service, which is just disgusting. Oh, that drives me up a freaking whoa. And this happens. Like, this comes up a lot and it's so horrible. He didn't even just lie about it. He gave a full

performance crying about his platoon dying. Like, the karma. The karma. He ought to be ashamed of himself if I'm being... Yeah, be honest. I mean, it's terrible. And I also... To be ashamed.

Okay, what else? His friend knew his shit, and so did his family a little bit? Like, they knew that he lies about this kind of thing. What do you do if your son or your best friend, like, often lies to women about having fake cancer to get money out of them? Well, even the mom said, like, oh. I thought he has done this before, but I thought he had changed. So this is like a huge, like this is a huge issue. Like this isn't just small. What would you do? What would you do if Ryan?

Ryan would never. He's the perfect child. But I would snatch him up. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to say it here publicly, but I would snatch him up. I mean, or he's an adult. Like you can't like control an adult. But I don't, I don't know. I think, first of all, I wouldn't not meet who he's dating. Like I would insert myself into that real fast. He's an adult, but he's my adult. I just know my mom. It's very rare that my mom doesn't find something out. And I think there's obviously, sometimes it's annoying to be like, hey, my mom is inserting herself into everything, but I'm grateful for it in moments like this. Like, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a parent that's involved. It's like, save not just your kid, but whoever they're abusing. Yes. Well, for me,

If my kid is doing something wrong, I'm going to tell on him. I'm sorry, but I am. He is going to have accountability and ownership. He is going to take it. I'm not going to be there. If you big enough to get in it, you better be big enough to get out of it because I'm your mama, but I ain't about to, you're going to learn today. I love when her accent comes out when she's like disciplining. It comes out bad when I'm good. It comes out right then. Oh, does it come out when you're actually disciplining? Yes. Yes. So funny. And when I'm yelling at the dogs or when I'm angry, it comes out.

You're like, oh, you're going to be quiet today. So I'm obsessed. Love it. And I also, I wouldn't cross you. When that accent comes out, I'd be like, yes, ma'am. No, you don't want to. Yes, ma'am. I'm trying to hear it now.

When the accent comes out, it is dangerous. Like, it is, that means I'm talking fast. I am not caring about enunciating my words. I do not care, which means somebody is about to get talking to. You're like, censor, censor? I'm not talking to. McKenzie's a great mom. She has, if you don't know, Ryan is truly, I've never met a better behaved sweeter.

He is so good. I just turned my page and I saw something else. She said the book, The Gift of Fear. Oh, yes, yes. I forgot to, I wanted to tell you someone I know had mentioned that recently too. And so when she, I was like, I want to read it. Book Club. Dating Detective's Book Club.

Let's do it. The gift of fear, y'all. I like it. I have another one, too, that is definitely skewed towards, like, younger adults. But if you know anyone that is in the 21, 22 to 25 range that you are like, oh, my God, I want them to love themselves more. I read this book by her name is Eli Rallow. I've shown you her before.

She's an influencer. Yeah. And she wrote a book, I didn't know I needed this. And the thing that stood out to me is she has the whole beginning of it before she gets into dating advice is all about. like dating yourself and it's all about that kind of like importance of getting out of college and dating yourself before you date other people. That's the hardest thing to do is to be like, I'm going to date, like you is to put yourself first like that hardest. I can't even imagine.

Didn't you add that to our socials? Didn't you put that on like a story? Yeah, I put our books. Yeah. And if you guys have other suggestions for books, that would be great for our specific audience or our guests. Like we would love to hear those too. So yes, please. Make sure you're engaging with us on the socials. Our Instagram is Dating Detectives Podcast and our TikTok. And then, yeah, just like, share that stuff with us. And if you want to email us, Hannah's going to give you the email, too, because we want to hear your stories too. Yes, ma'am. Our email is investigate at the dating detectivespodcast.com. Oh, I knew at that time. I could have said it. I knew it. You got it. Trust yourself. I, yeah, I'm adding these to that. We'll put this in the show notes to the link to some books

that we like. And I mean, yeah, I just send us your stories, join the Patreon, give us reviews, tell us your thoughts, tell us your favorite quote. Yeah, anything that you have to say to Alana, let us know and we will make sure that she gets your positive feedback and knows that she is loved and supported. And thank you, Alana, for sharing your story. We are just, I just can't believe some of the things. It was so special how she wanted to come on, like, and she's spending so much time helping other people that have been in this situation because they feel like they can reach out to her. And I mean, that's the whole point of this. You just want to help you all feel a little better navigating this dating world. Anyways, you guys, thank you so much for listening. Join the

Patreon. And please send us your stories. We would love to give you a platform or a voice if you have a hard time finding your own or just want to share what you've gone through. And as always, trust your fam tuition. You don't trust your fan tuition. You don't trust your fan tuition. I'm trying to do your eyes and I can't do it.