The Dating Detectives - The Handmaids Dogfish Tail

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

In this episode our guest Alex tells us her incredible story of perseverance. She moved to a new city to start a new life, and when she met Jacob shortly after she thought she had found her true love, but the longer they were together the more controlling he became. First it was her weight, then her religion, her finances, and pretty soon they were married with a kid and Alex saw no way out. This story taught us so much about a mothers strength, and the plot twist at the end will leave you with your jaw on the floor!  Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page! If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email [e-mail] or contact us through our website using this link This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Daily Harvest. To get $30 off your first box, plus free shipping, go to dailyharvest.com/tdd This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Prose. Take your FREE in- depth hair consultation and get 50% off your first subscription order today PLUS 15% off and free shipping every subscription order after that by going to prose.com/tdd We have been absolutely loving the podcast Two Girls One Ghost for besties talking about all things spooky! Check them out wherever you get your podcast. ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following program contains names, places, and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only, and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7-233 for support. Hi. Hi. There, listen, there has been a huge response to Bitcoin boyfriend so much so that Bitcoin boyfriend was featured on Spotify. If you guys didn't see your story.

We're so cool. It's like an editor's pick and it's so cool. And thank you for sharing it and talking to your friends about it. Some people wrote us that they like, they're all the girls at their work, I'll talk about it and have a little. I was like, it's like a book club, but a podcast club. That's so cute. But it's also so nice that these stories make you talk to people because I think we do

kind of need community to process all these stories because it's like, damn, these people are crazy. Yeah. And we're just really honored that like it was really, it's a really crazy story. Like, we're so grateful that you guys share them with us. And so anyways, I'm like, everybody seemed to be really blown away by this story. But we do have some like, we can't. I wish I could tell everybody everything. We can't tell everybody everything,

but we have heard of more people involved in the Bitcoin boyfriend's case. He is not a one and done kind of dogfish. He has really affected a lot of people, and we are not going to stop digging until we find the truth about this asshole. So as we go in this process, we're going to try to keep our Patreon subscribers

updated as much as we can about what we're finding. But until we have like hard evidence or hard answers for things, that will come in later episodes for everybody, of course. But if you are really interested in that particular Bitcoin boyfriend Dogfish story and what we continue to find, that's going to be on Patreon for a little while. But it's not fun to find out more about this guy. But we got to do it. And I hope that we can take him down. Okay. So that's last week. Go listen. listen. But this week, we have another story. It's very sad. Yeah, there's a couple things in it, like, just to be aware as you go, like, there's definitely some abuse and some pregnancy-related trauma that comes up. I don't want to give everything away, but just be aware that, yeah,

this person is so brave to share their story. They definitely went through a terrible, abusive relationship. And I just want everybody to protect their hearts as they go into it. But it's an important story and they were a great, great guests to share it. We didn't know what trigger warnings to put out there. So just all the trigger warnings. Just know that this, this episode may be sensitive for some people. This is a, this is a dozy, as we always say, but it's always true. Yeah, it's a dozy. So let's get into it. Are you guys ready because I am? Hey, Alex, we're so glad to have you. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Of course. We want to give you the floor, so go ahead and take it away for us.

Okay, so this story starts when I was 27 years old and decided to move to a new city. I had decided to move from southeast, itty-bitty little Texas to the Pacific Northwest. I had been managing a chain of local cell phone stores, and I hated life at that point. Eight months to a year earlier had just gotten out of like an insanely abusive situation, So I was like, I don't want to be here. So I picked New York, New Orleans, and Portland. And Portland called me back in like 12 minutes when I sent my resume. And I was like, oh, cool, that way.

And so you didn't know anyone in Portland? You just wanted to get out of Texas. I didn't know no one in the city, but I knew almost no one. I had aunts and a couple of cousins that were like just outside the city. It's not like I had an especially amazing relationship or at least not an especially established one. They're great people. It's just not especially close.

I did not consider that when I moved. So I moved and I was 27. And in the back of my poor little Southern Baptist brain, I was like, oh shit, I'm losing time on finding a dude and having kids. So that was part of my focus, which sounds ridiculous now. But coming from the background that I did,

it felt like that was the most important thing in the world at the time. I'm 28 and I feel like that sometimes. Thank you for saying it sounds ridiculous because that makes me feel better about it, but I relate. That tick should not be as loud as it is for women. So like a month or so into me being there, I download this dating app. We meet Jacob on Meet Me. And on his profile, he was like, hey, I'm a very devout Christian.

And I was religious, so this appealed to me. What I didn't realize was the difference in our understandings of the word devout. I was like, cool. Devout in the Northwest versus devout in the Bible Belt to vastly different things. So in my brain, like devout is about where I'm sitting, which is reasonably devout, but, you know, not closed off to new ideas. But I don't realize this at the time. So we start talking and eventually we decide to meet up in person. So we meet up to hang out. And I was like, this is in the middle of the Pokemon Go phrase. Oh my gosh. Do you guys remember what Pokemon Go was? Pokemon Go was where you had the app and the Pokemon

and you would literally go all over the place to catch the got to catch them all the Pokemon. Like, it was wild. It was great. It got us all out of our houses to go on long walks. And it works so well. Oh, yeah. Now I know exactly like which summer this is.

Like you've put us right. It's so funny how that was like a cultural moment. Please tell me your first date was like a poker. Pokey date? Absolutely. It was a Poked date? Oh my God. I meet him at the Starbucks. It is also a Pokey stop. So we start walking from there and we're doing the Pokemon Go thing.

And the conversation is going great. And I'm kind of surprised how much I like this dude. Then he goes, hey, just to let you know, I spent some time in prison. And I said, okay. Oh, this is first date. First date. First, first meetup. It's closing. Super very, very up, you know, looks to be very upfront.

And I was like, okay. I'm going to do it again? No. I was like, cool, did you harm anybody? And he goes, no. And I was like, all right, I think we have reached the end of where my business is in this, at least in this setting, right? Wait, wait, wait, because you've told him. Not the end of my business. What did he do? I didn't ask. I didn't ask. Yeah. Okay. Wow, you're very respectful. Yeah, I was like, in that moment, because he didn't know where I live. I didn't know if I was establishing like a full-on thing with this human being or not. And he was so upfront. I just figured, you know, I'm glad he's being honest. If this goes further, I'll get more information. But for now, this is

okay with me. I see that you could, yeah, you could be like, okay, it's early. And I trust that he's communicating this in a way that feels okay. Your gut wasn't like firing off like, ooh, I got to run away. No, it was, hey, I just want to make you aware. And I'm a little embarrassed. That's how it came off. Okay. Did he say when he had, been in prison? Later on, I asked the duration, and he was like, I was in for 10 years, and I got out about eight months ago. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, that's not a short stent. I was okay. So we're a little cautious about this because, you know, eventually that behavior usually comes out in some form or fashion,

and I had just got out of an abusive relationship over a year ago at this point. I know what to look for, right? Like, we've learned from our mistakes. We've had some therapy. And way, way too sure of ourselves at this point. So I'm just like, I'm going to take this slow, but I do keep seeing him. So from the first point that we met, we met up several times and we go to church together, like every Sunday. I was like, okay, there's the false sense of security right there at Lose you in. Okay.

I can totally see that. Yeah, that seems like your values like perfectly aligned. That would seem perfect. Exactly. Yeah. And we were doing Bible study at least once a week in the middle. I was like, okay, this is absolutely a schedule that I recognize. Because that's go every Wednesday in the South and go every Sunday.

And after a month or so of that kind of schedule of seeing him, he asked me on a more official date. And at this point, I feel like I know him more. I'm more comfortable. We have the same kinds of values. And I haven't really seen any behavior from him that's giving any red flags. So I say yes. And that first date was actually my birthday. So our first official date, he comes over and he has planned the entire day,

which I had not had done for me ever at that point. And he brings over like a little glass, like a little crystal cup filled with multicolored pens because my neurodivergent ass is so excited about the gel pens. It is ridiculous. I don't know what it is with my thing and stationary, but it's there. That's sweet. Mackenzie knows how I'm a romantic, which doesn't always. work for these stories, but I hear stuff like that.

And I'm like, damn it! That was sweet. I just have to turn into a bad thing. Eventually, yes. Just hang on for it. Because in his card, in the happy birthday card that he got me, was the song of Solomon. And it was, I have found that which, whom my soul loves. But I was like, oh, the feels. You're like, oh boy. You're down bad at that point. Yeah, I was like, oh.

this is a very good way to start off for birthday. And then we go to like an adult arcade. It's got an arcade and like laser tag and the bumper boats and batting cages and Dave and Busters. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Yeah. Like a little bit like game works or something. Okay.

Yeah. Something like that. We have to go by his parents house because it's closest to print off the tickets. And he's like, hey, hang out in the car. I was like, no, I'm going in. He's like, my parents are home. And I was like, that's cool. I can meet them too.

So he's like, okay. So we walk in. He goes upstairs to put off the tickets. And his dad is set up in the middle of the living room watching an obnoxiously loud TV, which has golf on it, which is the world's most boring sport to watch. Oh, my God. My dad used to watch it all the time. It is really boring. So boring and also funny that he's like so loud.

Like it's hard to make golf that disruptive. It is. Did you meet them? I did. He stopped long enough. to go, hey, this is Alex, you know, this is who I've been seeing. We talked about her, blah, blah, blah. I was like, oh, I have already been mentioned solid wins.

I am at least the topic of discussion. Okay, I like it. So his mom, you know, comes up and she's this ebitty little tiny, soft-spoken woman around Jacob and his dad, who are very loud. Just kind of an interesting dynamic, but I meet both of them. And me and his dad are kind of quipping back and forth, like got along, right away and they seemed to really like me. So that was really nice. And then, you know, we leave and go to the little arcade and do mini golf and batting cages, that kind of thing. So the date goes great.

And we start discussing actual relationship because we were at the age that, you know, you either date to marry or you just don't bother. And you mentioned that you were already kind of anxious about your timeline. At this point, do we know, what does he do for a living at this point? And also, why was he in jail? I'm still like, why was he in jail? Prison, not jail.

So many questions. Answer them, Alex. We have to be asked. Because I imagine at this point you talk about it. I have asked, yes. I have, yes. Yeah. I have, in fact, asked.

And he goes, there was a misunderstanding. with my first girlfriend's dad. I was 19. She was 17 and we left the state and her dad got mad and he had powerful friends. And I was like, those things are things, especially like in the early 2000s. And I can't find this stuff online. Like I can't verify that anything was filed. Like it was extremely difficult to find.

So he went to prison for kidnapping. And when this story was told... Kidnipping who? This 17-year-old girlfriend. 17-year-old girlfriend. And he says that the dad kind of got his powerful people to like make it a bigger thing than it was. Yep.

And not to mention, when this conversation is happening, it's happening at his house with his parents. Oh, okay. So his parents back up this... His parents back up. which feels... Yep. Oh.

His parents are backing him up? His parents are backing him up. And his mom makes the side comment. She was like, I talked to the woman at the police station and she said, you know, that girl wasn't even hurt. She's fine. I don't know what the big deal is. Was there because he's 19 and she was 17? Like, were there any laws with the age gap in Texas?

No, it wasn't the age. It was a fact you brought a minor over state lines. and it ended up being federal at that point. Oh my gosh. Okay. Okay. That makes a little bit more sense. Like you can absolutely see how this could be a plausible explanation,

especially considering they are absolutely consistent in this story. Oh, God. They basically just gaslighted away. Okay. Yeah, no. This sounds if he's, so he's living with his parents, and that seems like a, like for some people, obviously, living with your parents might seem like a red flag,

but I feel like after someone's been in prison that long, it's kind of a green flag where it's like, okay, and he's told you like, hey, I just got out of prison. Like, I'm living with my parents, which makes sense. He's not established after prison. Right. Yeah, and if you have a federal charge, is he working?

Yes, he is. You have to be released to someone's custody, don't you? Yes. He had, he had federal check-ins and all that wonderful jazz, but he was released into his parents' custody. Okay. And what was he doing for work? He was a person.

trainer. Oh, okay. So was he like jacked, like really buff? Yes. Yes, I am a little shallow. She just took a swig from her drink after she said that. I'm a little shallow. No big deal. We all have it. Okay. So he went to prison for this misunderstanding. He didn't kill anybody. He didn't hurt anybody. So he says. Yeah. I was like, okay. And again, we have the parents back. up the whole thing. And they had backed it up with like, you know, the, the newspapers that got wind of the story said he was uneducated or they'd graduate when he graduated early. Dude is actually super smart. So you're beefy and you're intelligent. Like, ooh. You're beefy and you're intelligent. That's great. Beefy brains. Beefy and I can have a conversation. So I was the heaviest I had been in my

entire existence and I'm dating this very fit human being. So my next question because I eventually feel safe with this person is, hey, can you help me fix this? Because I'm uncomfortable and I would like to feel pretty. And he goes, yeah, I'll train you. I was like, okay. And then like a couple days later, he's like, okay, I have dropped all of my clients and I am now focused on you. I was like, oh, that's a lot. What? Wait. What? Doesn't he need money?

That was what I asked. He gets a different job as a moving helper. Wait, how do you go from personal trainer to move? Okay, it's fine. Oh, it's fine. Go ahead. Sorry. Go ahead.

That's a lot. I mean, it's nice that he responded in such a way that wasn't like pressuring you to change anything about yourself and just like helping you with goals. But to drop everything to be like, this is my full time job now. Like you are my full time. I mean, my husband should probably do that because I'm a full-time job. How did that feel? I was like, that's a lot.

I don't know how I feel with that much focus on me losing weight because weight has never been a comfortable topic for anybody that grew up in the 90s and early 2000s. All of us have retained some scars from, you know, low hip huggers. Jesus Christ. I thought you were like emotional scars, but you're right. Oh, my God. Well, also, like, yeah, going through that with a partner is a slippery slope because obviously you support each other, but this person's a trainer. And I, yeah, I can't imagine. Okay.

So you're feeling like a little overwhelmed, I would imagine? I'm like, that's a lot. But I kind of brush it off because I think my brain interpreted it as, I guess, over enthusiasm rather than like a, hey, that's not okay. And we start doing workouts. And I'm like, hey, nothing feels like it's changing. can you kind of like lay out what I should be eating? This reminds me of mean girls where they give her the where she gives her the snack bars that make you gain weight.

Yes. I keep eating these. It's just water weight. So he lays out kind of like some generalizations and a calorie count. I was like, okay. So in this time frame, he checks in with me daily with the calorie count. I was like, okay, so this is just kind of like in my brain at this particular moment, it's holding me accountable. Outside of this aspect of our relationship, we are working on moving in because I waited a little bit to see if the moving helper was going to be steady because I am a work 50 to 60 hours a week, get it done type person.

And if you do not match my hustle, I cannot respect you. as a partner don't let me not work you. So he's proven that he works hard and you want to move in together. How long has it been that you've been dating? So we've now been dating for like six months at this point. Okay. And I was looking for a place anyway. So we move in and also have to set the stage that we are celibate.

Because you both have the same religious. Because they're religious values. Yeah. So like, and we discussed that it's still not a thing. Like we still do not, I don't know how to phrase that we're waiting. But you're both on the same page and that's what's important. Yeah, you both agreed on it. You both agreed to, yeah.

Yes. And like a month or so into this, I had dropped like 50 pounds. Good for you. Can I? It's hard to do. I'm curious. I have a question. Go for.

So you said you check in with him daily about your meal plan and your exercise and he's a big part of this process. On times where you maybe slipped and weren't. doing as well in the process. How did he respond to that? Not well. Like, did you feel like he was okay? Like, was he mad at you? Say more. Say more. Yeah, like, so I was in immediate disappointment. If I wasn't hitting a goal in weight for like the week, a calorie count per day, like, it's, gotten really intense as as time has gone forward. And like, before we ever even moved in, I was like, I don't need the accountability at this point. Like I've figured out this is what works for me.

This is what I can eat per day. This is what we're doing for exercise. And he's still, he's like, no, I will be checking in with you. So that to me sounds like it's starting to be emotionally abusive. It is, but I am now in it. Yeah. And you started it in a way that was like, he's a trainer. These are my goals.

They align. We're working together. I so like I made it his business at that point. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, but it is interesting

that he responded negatively when it wasn't because that affects your whole relationship. It's not like your fitness trainer who you're paying and then you leave. This is someone you're living with and seeing every day all the time and you're valuing yourself based on how your relationship is going.

That's hard. Exactly. And you produce the same amount of dopamine with a argument that you do with a happy moment. So it's really easy to get caught in this messed up cycle because you're still... That's such an interesting statement too. Did you guys hear that?

It's the same amount of dopamine. It's the same adrenaline. It's the same pump. I think that's why when you like fight sometimes you feel like you love someone when it, even when it's toxic, because you're like, I feel so strongly about this person. I must have strong feelings for them. And it's hard to recognize when they're not those feelings. Yeah.

So while we are having these intense check-ins, you know, general day-to-day isn't that bad. But, like, he started getting very nitpicky critical. And, like, I made breakfast every morning. I made his breakfast. And by the time I'd get his correct, something else would need to be done. Something else wasn't sufficient. Like, there's a gradual just flicking a nerve on. hey, you're still not quite perfect.

How are you feeling at that point? Because it's not like, somebody said, I quote this in almost every episode, one of our guests was like, you can't see the forest through the trees when all the trees are falling on you at once. Like it's hard to know what's going on, but I imagine.

From Little Cop of Horrors, that's who said that. Yeah, that episode. Like, what were you feeling at that point with him? Well, like, I'm frustrated, but it's really hard to explain because I'm insanely different human being than I was at that particular moment. But like, I did not like me.

Yeah. So the critiques in my brain when he was saying them while they sucked and they hurt and they were absolutely uncalled for made sense. Like my brain rationalized why it wasn't. I get that. Yeah, that's what I deserve. Like, oh yeah, that makes sense.

I probably or maybe I did or and it just rationalized from me. there. And there are just enough happy in the middle of these to kind of cover it up. That's another great thing that you said. There's just enough happy to cover it up. Like there's like, okay, but there are some good times and it's rationalization. Exactly. Alex, the amount of people right now who are probably listening and going, oh, yes, I've so felt that is probably huge, just so you know. Like, I feel like what you just said is really

powerful. As long as someone gets this info and kind of relates enough for them to at least question a bad situation that they might be in, I'm down. That's our whole thing. Preach. Yeah. Because it took me a whole therapist to try and figure out if it was me or not. We always think it's us, don't we? Yeah. So what happened after that was going on? It was just kind of trucking forward. We get about to like nine months or so of day. So three months of living together. Valentine's Day had passed. I had a date with a side of guilt.

Anytime that we ever did interact in a physical adult fashion that did not include actual intercourse. It would immediately be my fault that I tempted him into it. Oh, my God. So annoying. And that would just be guilt and shame. for the next week or so. I think that's common that people use. I mean, obviously, respecting everybody's choice

and what they're comfortable with, but I think it's, yeah, I think it's more common than we think using those religious values to, like, shame people. So what happens next? Like, how long does this go on for? Oh, we're building, like, everything is happening all at once.

It just starts stacking together. And I'm too focused on fixing the stuff that he's telling me that I'm, messing up to see all of the stuff stacking at the same time. Like he's still counting my calories. And so I'm focused on trying really hard to be perfect at that and perfect and everything else. And while I'm distracted with all of that, he is slowly bringing in more control mechanism type things that I just couldn't see or understand at that point as like what they actually were. And we're going to tack on another one because we were also doing daily Bible study.

And I had to read for X amount of time and then ask him questions about what I read that wasn't, like, that weren't Googledable. Oh my. So he's like really controlling. Like we have, yeah, looking back on it, we got to a level. So like obviously the whole focus of us dating is to reach to a point of marriage. the living together was the experiment of if we can get along and he has decided that yeah he can deal with me as a wife so he goes online he buys a ring and like he basically decides that we're going to have sex and this is how we get married prior to an actual ceremony which is nuts and it was nuts at the time

I just didn't feel comfortable enough saying that out loud can you wait clarify that so he is like, we're going to have sex and then have a wedding ceremony. So we get into bed just to go to sleep. And he starts making moves. Everything progresses. Sex happens. And I was like, you were very clear on waiting. He's like, no, no, in God's eyes, we're married now.

Because you had sex. Yes, because we had sex. So he's saying that the consummation made it like legal in God's eyes. Yes. slips on a rose gold band on my finger and he's like we're going to get married and that was it like that was the whole proposal that well well okay yes sir what is he wanted yeah that pretty much where was your yeah were you like kind of shunm at that point a little bit yeah a little bit yeah a there was a level of shock and he had add a layer of urgency on top of it and was like hey

I'm going to be getting married July 7th. I'm sorry, I am going to be... I'm going to get married. Either it's going to be to you or to someone else, but you better be ready. And I was like, okay.

What is this guy? What a way to talk about things? And this is at this point been his gradual development and you're like so tied to this person now. Oh my goodness. Right.

And I'm just like, okay, this is weird. Did you just say like, okay? Like, let's go. Do I get a dress or what do you mean? Like, do I get a white, like, what do you mean to wear? Like, what happens? So I, I literally throw together a full on backyard wedding in three months. Like, order the dress, do most of the decorations, myself by hand. No one was there that I knew outside of my parents and my grandparents. But your family was part of it and they knew him. And did it? anyone feel like he was bad news or everyone was like, this is great, happy for you. Yeah, that's a good question, Hannah. Like, was everyone like, girl, this guy is woohoo cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?

My mom was a contentious spot in our relationship because she was dating a married man at the time. She's like, I ain't got no room to talk. I'm just going to sit here quiet. No, she absolutely talked. What did she say? She was like, you know, if you want to back out, we can, you know, we can call this off right now. Because, like, he had made it hard to see her. They didn't get along.

They did not like each other. And to be fair, I don't have the greatest relationship with my mom. That's hard because it makes it easier for him to isolate you in a relationship. Yeah, okay. He basically said, you can't associate with this. and be in a relationship with me. So he was telling you who you could and could not be around. I mean, the list wasn't that long to begin with,

but I understood his point from like a religious standpoint. I was like, okay, that, yeah, no, I get it. And that conversation, it is still my mom. And eventually got to the point where I was like, look, that's my mom. And while I know her flaws, you're going to knock that shit off because that's my mom. Also, religiously, I mean, in a. a way we're meant to love people. Like, she's not perfect. And for him to use, like, religion to be like, we judge her. Feels kind of counterproductive. Well, it wasn't so much. Judge him,

as he was like, as he was like, there's an outlined passage here that says, we don't associate with her until she acknowledges what she is doing is wrong. Hmm. Okay. So he's a bit literal with his interpretation. Very literal. Yeah, quite literal. But she was the one that, basically helped me facilitate the wedding. And that is how that happened is I told him to back up for a second. And he did at least long enough for us to go through the wedding. So we go through that. We do a honeymoon. And the honeymoon got cut short. It was supposed to be for like four days. And we get up there. We spend the night. And he's like, I'm bored. We're going to go home. Excuse me? Like, pardone moi. What do you mean? You're bored. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

to be the audacity the audacity yeah like especially after not having sex for the entire duration of your dating to say you're bored of your honeymoon is rude but now he had already gotten his so like it's not exciting anymore I disagree sex should be for him that's what I'm saying it seems like is because like he got his and like now he's like my honeymoon snowfall Oh my God, this guy must have been making you feel like dirt. Like I hate this. Absolutely shit. Yep.

Okay. And also who does he think he is? Like, sir, you just got out of prison. You need to lighten it up because you don't have. There's not a lot of women who would like probably date you. So chill out. I should have been one of those. Okay.

So you come home from your honeymoon early. Come home from the honeymoon early. And we just go back to normal life. but he like sets his focus on establishing a place to live and getting me pregnant. Oh, okay. Yeah. But how were you feeling at that point, like after your honeymoon and stuff, like, how are you feeling? Like were you like, this is fine, this is fine, everything's fine?

Or were you like, oh, this is so awful, but I want to get out. Like, what were you thinking? How are you feeling? So we're fighting on the way back because I'm pissed. Well, yeah. So like, don't get me wrong. like I am disappointed in that fact and I am just trying to get past it because I have now started it I've now started in existence with this human being and in the back of my brain I'm going to

work it out until it's good I'm going to fix it until it's good because I have tied myself to this person and divorce is not what we are aiming for like we didn't go through all of this shit We didn't get everything back in line. We didn't pick an entire life up and move it to not be successful. So, like, the shame of failure is playing a major part. It also just feels so daunting to get out of a serious relationship once you've put that much time into it. Yeah, for sure.

You just are like, how could I possibly not have this? That's what a lot of people face when they know they need to break up, but they're like, I can't possibly. So like, I am just trying to push through. And it's one goal after another. So at least I have something to focus on. Like, all right, last three months, I was focused on getting a wedding together. All right. Next task is finding a place. Makes sense. Found a condo. And while we are not in the apartment and we aren't in the condo, we're staying at his parents' house. And every single day at that point, it's, hey, when are we going to have a baby? How are we working on this?

Oh, that's, well, I mean, that's cute sometimes, but coming from him, I feel like that's not so cute. It feels like it's like him in his personal training where he's like, you're disappointing me because you haven't gotten pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. And I started to feel that way. Like I started to feel bad. I get pregnant like maybe a month later. Oh, okay. Quite quick. But again, we had that whole thing like just actively ticking. I'm now 28 in my brain. You know, you're supposed to have them before you're 30 and just going. through all of the statistics that I'm supposed, like all the milestones are supposed to be

hitting by this point. That you're supposed to be hitting. Ew. Yeah. I love being a woman. Right? The dreams just planned out. I want to hear how you felt when you got pregnant.

I wanted a family. And that can often make you ignore a lot of the issues in the relationship because you're just so looking forward to your family starting. Mm-hmm. And you're looking forward to the traditions and being able to, make sure that you didn't repeat the stuff that you live through. Yep. And you get so focused on that that you are not avoiding your own mistakes.

So I'm excited that I'm going to have a kid because, again, in the back of my brain, he hasn't proven that he's completely useless. He does help out around the house. We do rotate chores. He does bring in money. Okay, I can work with that. I've seen less effort. Sure.

But I am glad that you found excitement in it. Like, I'm glad that you were able to find a little excitement. Oh, I was excited. He was Lase. Really? I was like, really? Yeah, like, I have this one. Nothing is enough for this guy.

I'm deniable success about what you have been asking me to technically get done. Like. I think he's an abusive narcissist and nothing will ever be enough for him. I think he would be correct. That's my unprofessional. opinion. I am not qualified. Sounds professional enough to me. I concur. Would you believe me if I told you there was a podcast that was haunted? It's called two girls one ghost. L.O.L. It's hosted by Corinne and Sabrina. And they didn't want to believe it at first, but five years later and a hundreds

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live on their campfire stories. But be warned, this paranormal comedy podcast might induce a haunting or two. So listen at your own risk. So the calorie counting never stopped. Oh, man. Those conversations did not cease. It's like my PTSD is coming up. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Awful.

While I am supposed to be gaining weight because I am making a whole other community. I'm creating a human, but it's fine. Yeah, no, he asked me how much I weighed daily. And if it went up too much, he would find a reason for us to work out, which was terrifying for me because I was still terrified I was going to lose my kid. he's like taking away the excitement at this point the alarm bells are going off

and I'm like how am I going to get out of this for the first time but I can't see a way out and he is not allowing me to do any of the pregnancy things no maternity shoot no baby shower like any of that stuff I know those are silly things but I really wanted it should be a celebration of life

and like in our face at that point the man controlled the finances and handled all of the things. So, like, I didn't get to do a nursery or, like, the whole nine of the things that you would want to do as a pregnant woman. I was barely allowed to get pregnancy clothes. And the only reason I think I was allowed to get maternity clothes was because I was still working and I had to at least have jeans I could fit This is also like when you don't give your body what you need, especially when you're pregnant, you are more tired, you have less energy and you're foggy. So that gives him even more control and ability to manipulate you. I'm so sorry, God, I'm like, my teeth.

So, like, we start to get towards the end of my pregnancy and I get preeclampsia. I had to be induced. And after talking to my doctor now, it. was most likely due to stress. I was induced a solid nine or ten days before my due date, and I went to the hospital, and he was there when, like, to drop me off. So he gets me to the hospital,

and he's like, I'm going to stay at home until something is actually happening. I don't know. This is terrifying. Okay. Yeah. I was like, I'd rather you be here because my mom's, my mom's in Texas. She's not due to be here for another five days.

And you're terrified and he's like, I'm just going to sit here and mind my business while you're dealing with that. Great. Thanks. I'm going to go watch golf. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks. So like my induction takes 72 hours the first time. Wow. They had given me a potosin drip on the highest setting they could. I was still not progressing 48 hours in. And they're like, hey, we're going to have to break your water. This sounds like my birth story. This is me with Ryan, 100. I was in labor for like 48 hours. I'm sorry.

They had to come in. They broke my water. So my water breaks. And I am now throwing up because of the level of pain that I'm in. And I'm actively getting texts. No call. No, but text going, hey, when is this happening? What time?

Oh, my God. That's not exactly how this works. Would you like me to time it? for your schedule, you want me to send you a calendar invite, so it works for you? Like, this guy. And he has texted me, he's like, I had a dream.

If you get the epidural, you're not going to survive, and the baby's not going to survive. And I was like, that's terrifying. Oh, my God. I'm like, do you, like, I'm not in a place

to hear, read, like, process any of that. They have already said, I have put in danger because my blood pressure is too high. And I don't know why. He is awful. At a certain point, I'm like, nope, I'm in a hospital.

If that baby's anything drops, they're cutting me open to get this kid out. I have to have one. I can't, like, my body can't do this anymore. We were into day three at that point. I had already gotten like the labor shakes where your body's just like so damn time. and it's just an adrenaline tremor. So I'm shaking for no reason and I'm just tired and I'm scared and I'm like, nope, I have to like tap and get this. Like there's not an option.

So I get the epidural. I tell him I'm getting the epidural and there's just radio silence. Oh, I'm so sorry. At this point, I don't know how to voice the, because like I've already made the plea to my husband at this point. When I'm like, I want you here, you know, well, I don't think it's a man's place to be in that delivery room, blah, blah, blah, blah. Is it the medieval times? You're not the king. Like, he used a reference for the Bible for birthing tent for this specific cop-out. And he was sitting at home playing video games on his phone.

So he thinks he's literally Abraham, like, just waiting for his baby to be born. Like, it's just, my God. Yeah. So we wait, we deliver the baby, and she takes about seven minutes, which thank God, because we had reached the end of that epidural actually functioning after my daughter has been born. And we've done the skin to skin. I picked all of the stuff that was supposed to be healthy. Like we do the skin to skin and all that wonderful jazz. So after the skin to skin and the first latch, and God, it's a lot.

And then once everything was done, he comes. comes in and holds our daughter. So like, due to protocol because you can have a stroke after you've had preeclampsia a couple days later after giving birth. He is actively pushing for me to get out of the hospital. Like, you need to come home. You need to make them let you leave. So I spend a few days in the hospital, not as long as I should because he is telling me he wants me home, but I spend as many days as possible. So we get home and like the original discussion with, hey, how are we doing this? You know, in shifts. He's going to take the night stuff. I'll take the day stuff since he is working. And I have maternity leave. Okay. Things that make sense, not a big deal. But as soon as I get home,

he's not doing anything, not helping at all. Everything is just entirely on me. He's so supportive. Hate this guy, but whatever. It's fine. And I have postpartum anxiety. and I'm just not doing well, but he isn't helping and he is still asking me about my weight. It has extra hormones that are getting added already into the cocktail of hormones that is your body because had a baby, it doesn't have a baby. It's trying to heal a plate-sized hole in your abdomen. And just everything at once. I eventually tell his mom, because we go on morning walks because, you know,

I'm supposed to be losing weight the moment I get out of the, hospital and I was like dude this is what your son is saying to me and I need you to intervene because he has to respect somebody and he seems to respect you the most but like I need help and I need him to step up as a significant other and I can't do this by myself like I am drowning and eventually it gets to the point where she's just like, you can't talk to me about this because it hurts my heart as a mother. You're not going to do anything to help me. You're just going to say, I don't want to hear it. Like that's. Yep. Like, no, this is, this is your marriage and you need to work it out. Like, this is how it's set up. This is how husbands are. This is how men are. And I'm just like,

there's no fucking way. His excuse for damn near everything, because like, every time I've asked him to help. It's I'm recovering from a job. If I don't get sleep, my body's not going to recover. I'm going to get injured. We won't be able to make anyone. And the entire time, I'm like, hey, you need to do skin to skin, you need to hold her, you need, you need to be participating because she needs to bond to you because I'm going back to work. And on top of not helping with the baby, once she goes to sleep, he's like, hey, I realize you're still healing, but you need to be performing your wifely duties. There's no reason like I shouldn't be actively serviced even if it's not in that way. You're right. That's that's fine. You're right. What a dumbass. You're fine. That's fine. Yeah, no, it's great because I feel disgusting because A,

am a first time mom and B, you know, every chance he gets. He's like, hey, by the way, how's your calorie count? How are you doing this? Are you doing this? What's your weight? Like, just actively telling me that he's not physically attracted to me in any opportunity he gets and I'm just I'm sad I'm lonely and I feel gross so at this point I'm just compliant because eventually it's got to get better he has control of every last drop of the money and I don't have anywhere to go wow god bless I feel blatantly unsupported in every single sense Well, yeah. And I'm just like, I'm fucking sad.

Eventually, my maternity leave ends, and I have to go back to work. And that's when things really start to fall apart. When I am at work, for the most part, his parents have our daughter. But when it hits about 7 o'clock, they give our daughter back to him, who he hasn't bonded with. He doesn't know her cries. He doesn't know the feeding schedule. So he is texting me everything. He is asking me all of the questions like, where is this?

What do I do with this? How do I do this? While I am, he does no shit. Terrified. He'll ask, and he'll ask like, hey, she's screaming. Do you know why? I'm like, I don't know. And I give him like a list of things that were suggestions.

Because you're an idiot. And then he wouldn't tell me if she stopped crying or if she was okay or anything. You got to the point where I was begging his parents. to keep her until I can come home. Because eventually he makes the statement, I'm just going to set her in her bassinet until you get home. And she can cry herself to sleep.

She's three months old. We're in a three-hour time gap of when they drop her off to when I get home. And my brain is not focused. It was terrifying because I'm like, she's going to fucking joke. And you're never going to know. I'm so sorry.

You do not deserve to have to have. a partner like this. So how long does that go on for? And then what happens? Like how does that, how do you resolve that? It gets, well, resolution is a thin way of explaining it. I bet. He's like, I'm not going to take care of her.

You need to put in your two weeks. And again, at the time, I didn't know how much of the income I was contributing to because I didn't have access to bank. So I put my two weeks in because he has now opened his own moving company and he now goes on jobs. So as long as he is hitting X amount of jobs, we should be able to financially be okay. The day of like the last day of my two weeks, I go home and I take a pregnancy test and I'm like, damn. Great. It's positive because, you know, we get past the six weeks and we have to be performing that wifely duty thing. Yeah. And he does not believe in contraceptive. Oh no. And I went home with a pack

of birth control pills, I hid them, and then felt too guilty about lying to him and taking them that I stopped. My brain went, we now need to stall or take what little change we can get and start hiding that shit so we can get out. Because we've hit a point of lunacy. Yeah, we get the, nope. Getting out of the marriage. We've got to get out of it. But now I'm unemployed and I don't have health insurance, so I have to go on government assistance. And two or three months in to me not having a job, we filed taxes. I looked at the W2 that we had gotten. I realized how much of our income was based off of what I made.

And I was like, oh, this is bad. I made 75% of the income. Oh, where's what is going on in his noggin? And the cost of living is going up, we're not making enough. And he's like, hey, we need to move. And I'm like, okay. You're meanwhile in the back trying to leave the marriage. I'm meanwhile in the back trying to survive long enough to leave the marriage.

Like, I'm not sleeping. I'm taking care of a, at this point, six-month-old kid entirely by myself. I'm making another kid. I hate this guy. I'm still having to do absolutely everything I was originally supposed to be doing in those moments. And I'm still not living up. And I'm just an empty husk at this point. So when he suggests moving to a different state that has lower cost of living,

I'm like, I'm not moving somewhere I don't have family, which is where my dad is. And dad has now seen a good chunk of this unfold. And he has done his best to hold his tongue. But when Jacob leaves a solid week ahead of me and now the two babies, so like, A, when we were moving out of our condo, the day he said to pack was the same day I had to check up, I was preeclantic again. I needed to be induced. He said I planned that.

You planned it. Okay, good. Good for you. If all again. Right? And he's like, you did this too. get out of moving the stuff. And I'm like, I'm nine.

Good for you. Fucking months pregnant, dude. You have a literal moving company. That's your job. Move the shit. Exactly. So that birth only took 48 hours. Okay.

So now we have the babies, two babies coming home and you're supposed to be moving. Yep. My dad comes up to fly with me. So I am not transporting, you know, an 18-month-old and a one-month-old by myself. We get to the house and dad's house. a couple weeks go by and he finally goes, I don't know why you are still in this relationship when you are doing all of the things.

Like I don't know what you're scared of about being a single parent because you're already there. Interesting. And I was like, I don't know if you noticed this, dad, but I don't have any money. I don't have the ability to get money. I don't have the means or the, and he goes, I'll pay for it.

Good. Thank you. Dad. And it takes me like another month or so to like finally take in that A, that's an option and B, that it's an option that I'm going to try and take. Jacob is just getting more and more angry, starting more and more fights, accusing me of getting between him and God and telling me that he would kill me in the kids before he lets that happen. And I'm honestly just terrified at this point. I am in therapy at this point. My father is paying for my therapy. So to be very clear, if I didn't have help, this would have been a significantly longer process. I'm extremely grateful for the help that I got. Heck yeah. So yeah. And the initial visit for the therapist was, hey, I can't tell if I am postpartum sad or if I exist in a bad marriage sad.

Because I've been gaslit so much that I can't like my brains. Nope. Logically, looking back at it going, you know, lining up the events, you can't. Absolutely see it's nothing. Right. Swimming in it in survival mode, you cannot figure out where North is. No. And I hope you don't feel it's hard. It's hard.

I know everyone that comes on talks about the shame that they feel, but it's exactly that. Like you can't, you don't have the same clear vision and control when you're in the middle of it. And they are good at what they do. Yeah. And while I was trying to see if I was. wasn't crazy. I start recording some of the arguments and I'm sending it to my best friend. I'm like, A, I need you to listen to this and see if I am the ass because I can't tell. And B, I need you

to have these in case something fucked up happens. And she goes, have you run a background check on him? I was like, no, because I'm an idiot. You never. No, you just didn't think to. She runs a background check. And she's like, did you know he has a felony kidnapping charge? And you were like, yeah. And I was like, I kind of understand that situation. And she's like, do you realize he had a gun in the car? I was like, no, I did not.

Come to find out this 17-year-old had broken up with him. And he decided that if he could get her in the car and just talk to her, that he could change her mind. So he really did kidnap her? Yeah. He legitimately kidnapped. At gunpoint, after saying that he was going to kill her family if she didn't get in the car. Oh my God.

There was an Amber Alert and there is exactly one article and it is from the perspective of the trucker that caught them. How did the trucker catch them? The trucker had seen the Amber Alert and he happened on them on the interstate. And he noticed that, you know, when they got off to get gas and he was also apparently refueling. that she was acting really scared and he was acting like the dickhole that he is you know he saw the Amber Alert compared the license plate and went oh shit yeah that's the car everyone's looking for and that's how they got caught that's how he got

caught yep calls it in subtly follows them as he is holding the gun to her while he's while she's driving oh my god wow Oh, because we'll see a lot of times they're like, oh, he was 18 and she was 16 or whatever, and it was fine. Like, they're just so close in age and they, whatever. And you write it off, but you don't realize that this really does happen even though they're close in age. Yeah. What? That's why I will always believe a girl when she says that.

I will always believe her. What went through your head when you found out that's really what happened? Like how did you feel like everything was a lie? Like, and his parents told you the story, too? Like, how did you feel? The level of distrust that we hit so goddamn quick. I was like, I can't trust not one of these people. No.

And I was like, every single one of them gaslit me into thinking that she was the problem. And I know better. Like. Because they wanted to, they wanted to help him. They wanted to back him up. Not my boy. He couldn't have done that. That's crazy.

You're in enabling a 30-something-year-old man now. That's enough. Yeah. And risking the life of another woman and now children. Yeah. Wow. Okay, so you find out that this was all a lie, basically. Yep.

And then he's dangerous beyond. He's legitimately terrifying. What a fuck stick. I hate that guy. So that is the final straw, and I decide it's time to really get out of this. So this is complicated because we're still in dad's house. Everybody is still in dad's house. So we have to execute this very, very.

specifically in order to keep everyone safe. Yeah. So how did you get out? Like what did you do to get out then? We're done. We're leaving. So I plan a visit to send my kids to the state where my mom lives to spend some time with her and get them out of the situation.

Okay. Because I also have to have a conference with a lawyer now. Yeah. Like to get things rolling. And I clearly cannot do that while he knows I should be at home. He has the vehicle, all the, like all of the staples. Right. Right, right.

So I have the initial conference with the lawyer over the phone. And like both of my parents know this is what we're working towards. So my dad's walking on eggshells in his own house to try and keep the piece until we can do something about this. The moment I set up the meeting with the lawyer, I also started applying the jobs. And I got a job by the time I physically meet the lawyer. amazing the first meeting after the hey are you going to take my case meeting hey are you scared for your children and yourself like are you scared for their sake i was like absolutely hell yes they have him removed within 72 hours i made an excuse to like take the kids on a drive

i don't even remember what it was but like this is so hard they're like hey you know we're going to be here, leave. I pick up the kids, we get into the car, I get on like that, I just get on the highway and just drive until the police officer that is removing him, calls me back, says, hey, you can come back to the house, you're safe, everything's okay. So we get through the divorce. And of course, he fights me on custody hard of kids. He never bothered to take care of in the first place. Eventually, I do get full custody, but in the interim, while it's all getting figured He has every other weekend Thursday through Sunday. His parents have now moved here, gotten a duplex,

and Jacob and his parents now live in the same duplex. They share a wall. Part of me at first is like, okay, at least his parents are involved, but it's like I don't trust them at all. I don't trust them at all. Are you kidding? The mama was over there like, tell it on the, no. She was telling on Alex for the wait.

No, I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. And I'm not very strong. I find out he has moved someone into the duplex. And then... This is after you've gotten divorced. And you're like... It's after we've gotten divorced, but the divorce decree, he put in,

he was super specific about it, that no persons of the same or different gender shall spend the night or live with either... Kids. ...person while the kids are there. He moves. Sharon in. Sharon had come up in our relationship once or twice.

Who's Sharon? Sharon is someone he met in an online game. They had a brief relationship. When was that? When did they have their gaming relationship? Jesus. Before we had ours, but Sharon would pop up every so often, and this is when I find out,

that Sharon and Jacob actually never stopped seeing each other and were together the entire time that Jacob and I were dating, married, having kids. They were in an on again, off again relationship that entire time. And Sharon cannot have kids. So this is when Jacob also says to me, during all of this custody stuff, when I'm obviously fighting hard for full custody,

that the only reason he was ever with me was so that I could, give him kids that him and Sharon could raise. He's like, that's fine. We'll find somebody else to have our kid. I was like, I'm sorry, what? He wanted you to have the babies because he wanted the, he had a relationship with Sharon and they wanted a baby and they wanted you to just donate your baby.

Yes, the entire time. This was transpiring behind my back, even during the marriage. Wait, really? Yeah. That's why he was pressuring you to have a baby and that's why he like didn't care about you. So Sharon could have a baby. Ew!

I know. I'm like recap. Jacob has somebody that he wants to be with. So he just wants her to be the don't, like he just thinks you're going to just like give up your baby. Wow. What a story. This is my head is spinning.

So yeah, so you get custody. Thank God. Is that the end? Do you have like an update on? So now you have full custody and what now? So long story short, I get full custody, and he is living with Sharon until... He has decided that he no longer wants Sharon and has found a wife in the Philippines.

So he puts in there that... Hang on. I know. It's nuts because he's nuts. So from what he said and his lawyer said, he moved to the Philippines and hasn't seen or contacted either one of the kids since last February. Okay, fine. Stay, stay the hell away from me. Bye. Okay, fine. I'm about to say, but he stays away from the kid. And I think that's where we're just going to live.

Good. And the only reason I haven't pursued to alter his parental rights is because we put in a clause in that statement that if he ever came back to the U.S. and tried to contact the kids, he would immediately owe every cent of back child support as it was set prior to that agreement. Good. Hold it over his head for the rest of his damn. coming anywhere near them.

He's not coming near them. Like, I feel really bad for the kids, but also, like, so there's a situation where you have to think of, like, oh, you got to teach the kids compassion and they, that's their dad. So, obviously, they are entitled to know their dad, right? But there's also a matter of safety. And I don't give a shit about entitlement. I don't give a shit about teaching them compassion. You will absolutely be safe before I give a shit about compassion and everything else.

I don't care. You have to look out for yourself. First, you don't, you don't let your compassion come. for your self-respecting protection. You can teach compassion from a distance. You can teach that you. No, you can do that from a distance. They don't have to see him to, no, we're going to keep them safe.

Good for you, Mom. What your job is? Your job is to be a good mom and to support them and love them exactly where they are. And when they ask questions, you can answer them however you see fit. But for right now, they are safe. They are in their mama's arms who love them and take care of them. And that's it. And you've got them out of a bad situation.

Yep. That's it. I don't care. about anything else right now. I don't care that, oh, they deserve time with their dad. Sure, they absolutely do. But he obviously screwed that. He screwed the pooch on that one. So let's just, you know, keep them safe for now. Yeah, 100%. That's that at that point, that was it. That was, it was literally just a go away. They stay here. Period. How long has it been since that? So that's been a year now, right? It'll be a year in February. Yep.

And where are you now? Like, how are you dating or like talking to anybody? Or are you just single mom and I mean dating as a single mom is a bitch and we are in fuck boy central oh yeah amen sister that you're not wrong but how are you feeling about everything like are you over him do you still have feelings of like sadness for him or are you just like just doing a goddamn drop absolutely not no like my kids are my button I apparently have absolutely zero self-preservation, but the moment you're interfering with their happiness, no, I'm good. Bye. We're done here. That's it. That's the one thing. You mess with my kid. I've done. Like, I will shut down completely and that's it. And apparently you reached that point.

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know so many of our listeners are going to really, really relate to this. And they're just going to be so grateful that you shared this. So thank you so much. And you like, yeah, I mean, the, you've described a really clear picture of emotional abuse and manipulation that I know we mentioned it earlier and I know it's really hard but like that shame as hard as it is to live with you're not alone and I'm sure you've heard that I hope you've heard that and I hope maybe telling the story has felt like you can go through it and recognize what happened to you in that this guy's a dogfish you're not an idiot like we're done he's done oh my god lying about the what he went to prison for

and share it and I'm like still spinning. We're done with him. Yeah. We're done. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're going to need some updates from you, Alex. Like, we're going to need some updates if you find a man.

We're going to need some updates on just whatever. Like, whatever it comes in your life, we would love for you to stay in touch with us because I'm just so invested in the story. And I'm just so grateful that you shared it. Thank you so much for sharing this to that other women feel so much less alone. Absolutely. Yeah, no problem. If it fixes anybody having that question, like,

by all means. If there's ever a moment someone is going, hmm, is it me? It's probably not. You're probably rationalizing. It's probably not. Absolutely right. And it's okay to question it.

This is awful. How bad? I, yeah, head spinning. I had a lot of moments in this story that I had to like catch up where I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. He's doing, what? Like, he's been cheating the whole time. And like, I was so focused on the arrest.

I was sure that the arrest. whole thing was going to be a lie. But then to also find out that he was wanting her to just make a baby that he could raise with somebody else. So that he could raise with another person, like that couldn't have babies? That's weird. So it was the armed kidnapping, which his parents also supported, like the lie. They should all be in jail.

For real. And then cheating and then using her like a freaking handmade to just make him a little baby. That's so disgusting. Like how do you even? I was so sad. when she was talking about being in the hospital and him just being like scum of the earth, the least supportive partner I've ever heard. That was just and that's, I think that for me, like that broke my heart because if you've,

like, there's a lot of mamas out there, like, you know that you need a little bit of support. And when you just have none from the one person who like, this is the other, the other have, the other parent, like, to have them not, it's heartbreaking. And then. tore me apart. To do it in like the name of religion and to be like, God like doesn't want me there or whatever is so unfair to her and so unfair to everybody. I bet your mom would have some things to say to him.

He's rotten. He's freaking rotten. I felt for her so much and I also could feel that it was a hard story to share. So thank you again for coming on and sharing because this kind of. thing happens more than we want. I'm just glad that she was able to get to a place where she just has her babies and then he can go away forever and her dad supporting her. Yeah, I think you just have to try to look at your children as blessings and be grateful that it's not worse than it could have been.

And I love how many, we've had some great guests who are mothers who have expressed that where they're just like, yeah, I got my kids out of this. Like, and that's a beautiful thing. Every one of them are like, I would do it again just to get my baby. So I would go through every horrible thing again in my life if it meant I could have my son. Like I absolutely a million times. I love Ryan. He's such a good boy. I love him.

Yeah, your son is also a perfect man. Like he is already, he seems 40. Like he's so polite and responsible and respectful. I don't know if you guys have seen that like I've done makeup videos with using him as my model. Like he has like, you know, he is so secure in his masculinity. I love it. It's so funny. The girls are going to.

or anyone, whoever he loves, is going to be all over him. He is a perfect little boy. And he's only nine. Well, he's secure in general. You did that. You made him realize that he has the right to be. A lot of times that's the one thing that keeps us going is that it's our kids. And so for her, like, although there was a lot that came with it, she got her babies.

And she's like, that's all I care about. Just go away. I got my babies. And on. Go, goodbye. Also, the point she made kind of reminded me of other stories I've heard of, including yours of when you have a newborn, that's your world. And it becomes sometimes harder to put yourself first, put your relationship first. So she was kind of able to look away from maybe some of the

treatment that wasn't what she wanted from her partner just because it's like, that's not my world right now. My world is this child. And I think that makes a lot of sense. Because he shared some of her story on Patreon before y'all. You should go listen to you. You guys got to. If you're not on the Patreon, y'all got to get on the Patreon. It's a good For $5 a month You get a lot over on the Patreon Like you

We share our guts over on the Patreon So just join the Patreon Dating Detectives unfiltered It's true We literally edit less Like there's just nothing filtered about it So it's fun

And also Now I'm transitioning seamlessly into all the other places that you can check out The Dating Detectives On our Instagram, TikTok and Facebook It's at Dating Detectives

is podcast and we always want to hear from you if you have a story if you have thoughts our email is do you know it you know it mackenzie yes i do it's investigate at the dating detectives podcast dot com right oh is that right wow yes that was standing ovation yes finally i got it i feel like i was solving the puzzle on will of fortune and you got to make sure you say every word writer they'll be like no, I'm sorry, that's wrong. No, you nailed it. You won. And our website is the datingdetectivespodcast.com, right?

That's, that's right. Yeah. The dating, and also, you guys, go on wherever you listen to your podcast and will you please give us a five-star review because it makes us feel special. It just helps. Get more people to listen, so we appreciate it. But in general, we just love hearing your thoughts. So comment.

Tell us everything. Yes. Thank you so much. Let us know how we're doing. But we really do appreciate the five-star reviews because it really helps our podcast. So thank you so much. We're so grateful for you guys. And share us on your socials too.

Like don't be afraid to share us or tag us. Yeah. And, man, we got some stuff coming up. That's going to be fun. This is going to be a good year. I'm excited. I'm really excited. Aw, I love you.

I'm excited to see you soon. Hopefully soon. Wink, wink. That's all I'll say. Maybe some live shows, maybe possibly coming down the bottom of maybe possibly like maybe

I don't know that's what some podcast do we don't know we don't know anything maybe if we like get a bunch of five star reviews and people see that it's good good maybe we'll just come all over the country maybe if you were on the Patreon also you would know more information

I feel like we're shaming people fine we are Patreon shaming that's effective marketing no we're totally no seriously though we've well it's just because we've been getting so much good feedback from our Patreoners. So anyways, we appreciate whether you, like, we just appreciate you listening. That means a lot to us. So thank you so much. We love you guys. And as always, trust your film to mission. Bye. Bye.